Women of Grace with Johnnette Williams - Feb 7, 2022

will incite practical wisdom join us as we transform the world one woman at a time women of grace for such a time as this now here's your host johnette williams good morning everyone and welcome to women of grace live i am john at williams very happy to be with you on this beautiful monday in the lord god has abundant blessings in mind for you to explore and receive throughout the course of the day so let's just make certain that our hearts are open that we are receptive to everything that he wants to do in us and everything that he wants to do through us today we need a marriage monday jingle oh you know i feel like chop liver oh honey i don't want you ever to feel like chopped liver that's a terrible thing to feel like not that i know what chopped liver feels like but i just don't even like the sound of that well so obviously my husband jack williams is in studio with me today and you know why because it is monthly marriage monday when we take your questions and your comments all about marriage and relationships and things of that nature so let me just start off by giving you the number it's 833 288 ewtn that's toll-free for you right here in north america it's eight three three two eight eight three nine eight six please do jot that number down so you've got it at the moment oh it's a very good thing you know what that number is it's 833 288 ewtn and we're inviting you to use that number to get in touch with us today with your questions or your comments always encourage you to call early so that we can be sure to get you on the air we're also available for you out there on social media land and i'd like you to trot on out to social media land to ewtn radio's youtube channel and facebook page maybe you're listening to us and you're out there already well here's the good news you have a chat feature at those sites and you can put your question or your comment in there we will be only too happy to receive it and move forward with it we have rich jesse as our producer today jeff person is out and we've got matt gabinski on the phones and i think that we're double teaming social media with michael mccall and rich jesse i was getting there baby i was getting there so we are eager to hear from you we hope that you're going to get here at call us at 833 288 ewtn bunches of stuff to talk about today jack i'm so excited i know yeah do you know why i'm excited jack because um we have to work on saturday [Laughter] yes we do because we have a big deal coming up i'm sorry i'm sorry let me let me amend my statement we get to work on saturday give me a wahoo jack there you go so why because we have a big event coming up on saturday and we're hoping that you're going to join us it is going to be a valentine's online marriage retreat and jack and i are going to be your presenters through the course of our day together it's february 12th from 9 00 a.m eastern to 4 p.m eastern it's going to be filled with activities for you to do together as a couple uh you're going to listen to us talk you can ask questions we're hoping for it to be interactive and we are excited about it and yes we've got some eyes to cr eyes to dot you dot the eyes and cross the t's we've got some of that kind of stuff to do but we're going to get to it and it's going to be ready for you and we're going to be ready for you and i'm really hoping that you're going to join us this saturday february 12th 9 a.m to 4 p.m eastern time valentine's online marriage retreat schedule and here's the theme falling in love and staying there i like that idea very much i do too do you yeah you know i'm not used to sitting on this chair for those of us for those of you watching on youtube and facebook live i usually sit in that chair yeah he usually sits in my chair yeah he's pointing to my chair but it's not his chair but i'm sitting in this so for some reason like the camera's in a different spot i can't see the producer which makes me really nervous and uh and then i i feel for some i when i nod my head to affirm everything you're saying yes i feel like a muppet you know how the muppets didn't really nod they just kind of bounced up and down more than they nodded you know i'm just thinking maybe you need to talk to dr ray you can work out some of these issues with him we you know i think it's a good idea i mean i i've never quite felt like a muppet but you know like if that's looming i'm sorry you're over there babe but that is where the guest sits you are my guest today anyway here's the number again we've got matt kabiski on the phone 833 288 ewtn that's 833-288-3986 that's the way you can join us right here and we'd love to answer questions that you might have about this valentine's online marriage retreat schedule appropriate obviously if you're married uh but also too i think if you're engaged or you're in a serious relationship and it's you know it's appearing as though it's tending that way we can talk about all of that and there it goes ahead and there's the muppet like feature some of you caught that out there in social media land all of that being said so uh let me just give you a couple of the talk titles that we're excited about so the very first one's gonna open up with the chosen made for each other is the second talk title the third talk title uh is reading the love signs which i'm very excited about and then at 110 growing together in holiness and here might be the crescendo that like the the what do you want to call it the the the the the climax of the day it's bound by the beads praying the rosary together and uh it's going to be very great and we're going to be ending up with a rosary that we're going to pray together as as couples i'm just really excited so please do show up and again i'm going to just give you the day february 12th that's this saturday the time 9 a.m to 4 p.m eastern time what is it it's a valentine's online marriage retreat schedule and what is the theme falling in love and staying there so jack what are you most excited about with regard to this day coming up um just the whole thing all of it no no it's seriously you know we've done these we've done we've never done one virtually no before but we've done these things in person and you know the great thing about uh about presenting these marriage retreats is that you get to be both a presenter and a retreat that's true that's very very true yeah because we learn as much from you as you learn from us sometimes it's true and obviously in the preparation you learn but you know the holy spirit's at work at these events and the holy spirit really is about the process of giving us gifts uh helping us to renew those graces that we received uh through all of our sacraments but specifically to this one sacrament of matrimony so you know we're engaged with you at the same time as you are engaged with us so that's a very very good thing to mention there and we have done numbers of these retreats and we really do enjoy it each one is a little different from the other this is very specific it's going to be quite different but i do want to let you know that we are going to be doing a marriage retreat and we're going to be in nebraska and um i am looking for the uh we're going to be at our lady of good council retreat house there um beautiful retreat house it really is it's really quite lovely and i've been there in the past presenting and i'm very excited that we're going to be there and that we're going to be uh able to talk about marriage to the group that arrives so we want you to check all of that out as well and join us for that video and it's between it's kind of i think it's kind of close to halfway between omaha and lincoln so all of you spirit catholic radio listeners in lincoln and omaha yes uh get out to where can they get out to womenofgrace.com to find the details about that i'm not sure that we've got it all up there but when we come back from the break i'll give you information about it i'll give you more information well jack you hear that music you know that that means that we're going to a break friends when we come back we do want to hear from you we are open for business right here on women of grace live where we're going to be talking about marriage today it is monthly marriage monday any questions that you have about relationships we have a list of questions that callers have left for us but why don't you call in 833 288 ewtn is the way that you can be with us today 833-288-3986 also out there in social media land at ewtn radio's youtube channel and facebook page johnette williams here along with my hubby jack williams and we're here for you we're going to be right back inviting you to stay with us [Music] [Applause] this is monte alvarado from ewtn news in depth i'm jonah macyone for the catholic news agency this is tracy sable from ewtn news nightly get trusted catholic news every day on ewtn television and radio prayer can take on many different forms it could be a simple gaze up to the heavens glorifying god for the beauty of his creation it could be a cry for help in time of need it could be a request for some good that you think you need in your life all these things can be spontaneous and informal but prayer can also be formal as in the our father which jesus taught us to pray and the highest formal prayer the sacrifice of the mass and now the ewtn family prayer with father joseph family a prayer that we pray together is a powerful prayer so please pray together with me our ewtn family prayer [Music] today we pray for those who are grieving the death of a loved one jesus you wept at the death of your friend lazarus console those who are now grieving the loss of a loved one let them be comforted in the remembrance of your promises give to those who mourn peace in the midst of their tears you are the resurrection and the life we know and believe this let the despairing find hope and the brokenhearted receive the consolation of your presence and your love amen the holy father's prayer intention for the month of february is religious sisters and consecrated women thanking them for their mission and their courage may they continue to find new responses to the challenges of our time encouraging women in their gift of authentic femininity here's more women of grace with john ed williams welcome back everybody we're so happy you are with us today is monthly marriage monday jack williams my husband joins me in studio today for those of you out there at ewtn radio's youtube channel and facebook page you can see us we're sitting here in the studio at ewtn but we are also available to you via telephone and we're looking forward to your calls we certainly are let me give you that number it's toll-free for you right here in north america matt gabinski is on the phones today be sure to give him a big old howdy hay when you call in here's the number it's 833 288 ewtn that's 833-288-3986 we're inviting you to pick up the phone and give us a call don't delay call right away don't be shy give it a try my own personal little jingle we should put that to music uh that would be fun anyway all of that being said and all of that being said we're eager to hear from you you can use the chat feature at ewtn radio's youtube channel and facebook page if you would like to do that so when we went to the break we were talking about the fact that we've got the marriage retreat coming up this uh saturday from 9 00 a.m until 4 p.m eastern time marriage retreats yes no travel required no travel required february the 12th uh we're looking forward to being with you there all of the info is available for you at womenofgrace.com you can register right there too and again don't delay you know sign up right away see how flexible that particular little jingle is but i was also saying jack that we're going to be at our lady of good counsel uh the retreat house that is in between omaha and lincoln conveniently located i've been there in the past and i love it when are we going to be there march 11th and 12th that's march 11th and 12th we want you to sign up for that it's really going to be a lovely lovely time our theme for that particular retreat is no greater love we're looking forward to it uh we are going to get started friday night and it begins with a 6 30 p.m mass and then following mass is a wine and cheese reception and the talk starts at 8 p.m friday evening and then it just goes forward and jack and i are going to be with you and it's going to be great and you're looking forward to that too right jack absolutely yeah i love i love uh lincoln and omaha are hidden treasures in the midwest of the united states omaha is omaha is a happening place you can oh yeah you can there's a lot to do in omaha lincoln has this beautiful newman center that i would love to see if we get up there but they've that they've recently built there um and spirit catholic radio what one of the most amazing catholic radio apostolates in the country uh serving really almost the entire state of nebraska yes big stations in omaha and lincoln but really smaller stations spread throughout the heartland in nebraska so i'm really looking forward to have not been back to nebraska we went frequently when we lived in des moines for 12 years my late wife susie and i yeah so we're really looking forward to that you know what i wonder what do you wonder i wonder how many couples eat breakfast together because you know mornings can get hectic right especially during the week if people are working and things like that you know that's true and you get out of the house and you haven't really done anything and that's what i did today you know yes you were very hectic yeah so you know what i do you know what i did i'm afraid to ask i got breakfast out of the machine oh that's terrible it is it's not good and i got these you know what i got it's it's even worse than that okay i got glazed donut sticks yeah that's really bad and the the glaze on the glazed donuts is little more than shortening oh you know and it's got that you know what i mean how are you feeling right now well i can't get the shortening off my lips i'm so sorry yeah it's not good well you know all i want to say i did it i did it to myself though you did yeah you know you can always have an english muffin yeah in the morning i'm always ready to fix one of those because i fix my own you know but you know that's that's a very good thing and and i want to talk a little bit about that and we want to get to the phone lines 833 288 ewtn that's 833 288 3986 but this idea of eating together as a family is a very important one and it has fallen by the wayside uh you know and i think a good reason why it's fallen by the wayside is because so many women work as well you know and so as a result of that you know a big breakfast a cooked breakfast is pretty rare yeah and it's not so much that it's not so much that that women are working or that women have to do the cooking or where it's it's the fact that both both spouses are working that's the key well that is the key is that both of them are working not that that's the key yeah you are right about that it's just that i i just had pictures in my mind of leave it to beaver and donna reed you know where they would show off and listen before the kids leave for school the whole family sat down and had this wonderful breakfast and ward would run out the door but you know i think he was an insurance agent and he would go off to work but he had this you know lovely breakfast in the morning that his wife in the in the show prepared for him and shirtwaist dress and heels and june cleaver and uh you know pearls yep because we all look like that in the morning right anyway let's just go on to our phone lines we've got lucy with this list yeah lucy's yeah you gotta you gotta really watch the the little thing there she's not really ready to go yet oh isn't she she's having a she's having a chat with matt gubanski oh okay she and matt are chatting but we've got a phone line available for you it's 833 288 ewtn that's 833-288-3986 looking forward to receiving your call today also our chat feature is available for you at ewtn radio's youtube channel and facebook page so please get in touch with us you can now go to lucy if you'd like okay lucy's now ready and i should have you in more often chad it's really hard for him not to be in this chair he likes to run the show oh i just meant any show that he's on [Laughter] not the show of our lives i don't mean that no let's go to lucy and she is in tampa florida i know that area fairly well having lived there for over oh too many years decades really hey lucy how are you doing well thank you how are you well i'm doing well too so you've got a question for us today and how are things in tampa um it's gloomy drizzly um but it's still okay we're not having storms and i could still go outside and walk so it's good yes well that's a wonderful thing you know i i had lived in florida as i mentioned for many many years and jack and i still go back there very frequently um and i can remember that i used to look forward to days like you're having today just from so that we could have a break from all of the sunshine you know it was kind of a day where i would say oh good you know i can really clean the house today or i can sit down and get to some correspondences that i need to do it always puts you in that kind of a framework so you know we wouldn't really appreciate all that sunshine if we didn't have those drizzly days once in a while so anyway what's going on with you so uh my son my 20 something year old son has gotten engaged okay we are thrilled you know we love his his fiancee the family is very wonderful um you know we brought our son up in the church went to catholic school all the way uh to high school so anyways the deal is is that he and she brought up to us that they are going to have a prenup drawn up and i was just like thrown to the floor over this i mean not not literally but emotionally yes and i just i i i said a little something to them about it but i had to like shut it down because i didn't want to cause any problem or division um so i'm just like i don't know i'm worried i'm still praying for i've got the immaculate heart of mary involved i've got i'm praying for them like crazy and um i'm just really worried that this is a red flag do you have any insight or advice well let me just ask you did you say that your son's in his 20s yeah is this the first marriage is this the first marriage for each of them yes this is first marriage and i will tell you and nobody has any nobody has any children from a previous relationship no okay no no um and and i am and i am thrilled i have been praying for them to come back to come back fully to the catholic church practice they're they're catholics but they're not practicing um but they are they have gone to a priest and they are going to get married in the catholic church so i am thrilled about that that is an answer to pray well that's wonderful well you know the reason why we were asking you those questions is because the first question that comes to my mind is why would they at that age number one need a pre-op unless they own property or you know are quite wealthy which they might well be i don't know or they have things that they're concerned about but that's not even the big issue the big issue is whether or not they are getting married um with the recognition that they are getting married until one of them death does them part in which case a prenup is not necessary so what is their intention how are they viewing this relationship and the future and is it going to be too easy when the trials of married life and they invariably come you know there come seasons in marriages and there come seasons in people's lives whenever all of that crashes down upon them is you know are they going to look for a door to run out of that's that's my question that that was that was my thought their their thought is it's inheritance down the line because her family had a lot of money our family is just an average family and but but that bothered me that i don't know i it was just so maybe it's her parents that brought this up i haven't really been able to talk to them because i i don't know how to approach it without causing an it you know an issue like oh you're getting in our in our business or this is my business not yours and that kind of thing well but you still are a parent and you still have you still have a moral obligation and a duty to counsel your child no matter how old your child gets even when they're to the majority you know and they're not so young anymore and a child should always feel open and free to talk to his or her parents about very serious matters and this is a serious matter and it's interesting and i i mean i wonder um if the priest is aware of the fact that they're talking about doing this because that is a red flag i think it's a red flag jack what do you what do you say yeah i i think so you know if unless you have you know for instance you know in a situation that johnnette and i found ourselves later in life both being widowed um both having adult children um you know there are certain things in that situation that really probably need to be accounted for uh before you enter into a relationship to make sure that there's a clear understanding as to you know uh you know how things had been set up for you know there's just other things that are in play here but in a situation where you're not you know dealing with those other you know relation you know they're they're it's tough it's tough now when you when you say that money is just tricky well money is always true it just is and and i just uh you know i i guess on some level you know you have to wonder how much you know thinking you know perhaps and again this is all speculation even a little bit of this i think lucy had even uh uh acknowledged on her part would have been a little bit of speculation without knowing all the exact details but if if her family is you know making any suggestions to her regarding what may be coming her way somewhere down the line you know and maybe this family's had a situation where they've you know had a bad experience with some of her siblings and some of the people that they have chosen in the way that they have approached perhaps some of the wealth that they've accumulated um but it's it's really if you if you don't enter into a marriage um with the thought of i'm putting my whole self into this and i am making a complete and total donation of myself and all that that entails then the marriage is going to be harder than if you did enter it with that attitude i think well as i say it just it i think that it speaks to how are we looking at this union and i would suggest this i would suggest that you talk with your son and just say you know i have to be honest it's troubling me about this prenuptial agreement can you give me some background on this because it sounds to me like there might be some question about whether or not one of you thinks that this marriage is going to last and if there's any questions about that then you ought not to get married that's what i would say lucy and i think that any priest um or most priests would advise them likewise prenuptial agreements are not something that the catholic church stands in favor of generally speaking now in the case of other marital situations maybe but by the same token when you have a young couple that's starting out they're looking at building a life together and it's not quite the same later on when you're sharing a life together because lives have already been built together even that being said i don't think that a prenuptial agreement is always the way to go i think discussing matters prior to the wedding is what should happen and certainly you have enough trust in the other person that you would assume that that person or you you you you acknowledge the fact that this the integrity of that person is going to follow through on your desires but putting it on paper you know that that is so much a part of the contractual reality of of of a civil you know coming together as opposed to a covenantal relationship that's made between the couple uh in the presence of god and in the presence of witnesses it's a covenantal union that that couple's entering into with god and so i i i you know i i think that that is a red flag and i would talk with him about it and maybe you'll find out what is the you know what is the deal and it might well be this inheritance issue but you know that's something for that isn't something parents should impose it's something that these young people have got to work out um you know and state and the inheritance you know should be something that flows into that family unit and and becomes a part of it um yeah yeah i mean that it's withholding a part of yourself is not the way to start no because it's an act of total self-donation so they don't have children i think that's why you asked about that jack uh you know where you're considering heirs to something that was built in a prior marriage you know you want to make certain your children are taken care of but that should that's something that i think can be reconciled and discussed and you hope that you're marrying a person with integrity so uh i would talk with them lucy yeah it's it's you know and there's that i mean there's a trust component of this i mean do you trust this person or do you not trust this person yeah and if you don't trust me you don't trust them to the point that you feel like you need to get a prenuptial agreement then you probably had ought to be getting married that's exactly what i think okay lucy i honey that that that that that puts the onus on you maybe to have that conversation or you and your husband to have that conversation with them but i think it probably needs to be figured out as advice and counsel to them because ultimately they're going to do what they're going to do but at least you should speak your mind about it in a loving way in an understanding way okay thank you you're welcome thank you very much uh these are very difficult matters and they're not easily resolved and uh we certainly do want to make certain that we're looking at marriage as a lifetime commitment right until death has to part until one of the parties dies all the days of my life however you look at it it all says the same thing the only thing that separates a should separate a man and a woman once they are married is what is death coming right back with you on the other side of the break inviting you to give us a call here 833-2888 that's [Music] 833-288-3986 that's the way that you can join us live today we're also available for you out there at ewtn radio's youtube channel and facebook page wide open to receive your questions or comments today matt gabinski on the phones michael mccall and rich jesse our producer today out there in social media land looking forward to it coming right back stay tuned [Music] [Applause] the most original and exclusive catholic content is on ewtn radio this is dr ray gurandi from the doctor is in you call in and we will talk about what matters to you in your life we can put our heads together to help you solve the problems of life and to use your faith to get even smarter the doctor is in with dr ray gurundy this afternoon 1 eastern on ewtn radio i lost a mentor recently barbara morgan had taught me how to share the faith while i was at steubenville as a student i called to thank her as she lied in her death bed and to ask her to pray for my work the work that she had taught me how to do amazingly the person who mentored me in my work didn't seem to care about my work at that moment at all she said chris the best thing you ever did was marry natalie hold on to those around your table those you brought into the world hold on to them don't forget them and when you see me again i'll be before god interceding for your children it was a great reminder that i can't hear often enough it's easy to lose yourself in your work especially if it's worked for god but no matter how lofty your work is if your vocation is marriage and family life it pales in comparison to whatever other work god has given you that work right in your home is the most important work of all hold on to those around your table friends this is chris stefanik from reallifecatholic.com [Music] this is john at williams if you missed part of today's show catch the encore tomorrow morning at 3 eastern check out the podcast anytime at ewtnradio.net and click podcasts [Music] tomorrow on more to light faith fights are you being criticized because of your faith we'll help you respond gracefully that's tomorrow on more to life now back to women of grace transforming the world one woman at a time let's return to women of grace with johnette williams welcome back everybody we are so very delighted to have you with us today it is monthly marriage monday jack williams my husband is in studio with me right here on the campus of ewtn and we're looking forward to hearing from you our phone lines are open we have matt kabinsky behind the phones today and he's eager to take your call i'm going to give you that number to use it's toll-free for you right here in north america it's 833 288 ewtn that's 833. 288-3986 as i said it's toll-free for you in north america but if you're not in north america we have a number for you too it's country code one two zero five two seven one two nine eight five looking forward to hearing from you as well and we're available for you out there in social media land get out to ewtn radio's youtube channel and facebook page you can use the chat feature at either one of those sites and leave a question for us it'll be retrieved today by michael mccall we have rich jesse in for jeff berson and he is our producer and we've got a caller that left us a message and and wanted some advice in counsel so we're going to go to that hello this is linda in tennessee i was calling a question regarding catholic marriage if you are married and you just keep running into obstacles and can't get along with your husband what can you do when you really shouldn't have divorce option on the table and they are adamantly against working with you or going to counseling or doing anything to help and they refuse to go to church thank you well linda thank you very much for your call today and i have a feeling that your call is representative of a lot of people who are listening today uh that might be going through the same kind of a difficulty or trial so i'm going to let jack start off and i'll chime in um well you know i think that this speaks you know and there's a lot of blanks that are not filled in here so it's really hard to make blanket statements about these sorts of things but when we don't have all the specific details then we're really kind of left with the only option is making you know blanket statements about situations in general and i think that to a certain extent this speaks to the importance of marriage formation pre-marital formation uh you know before you enter into uh into a sacramental marriage you know you look at you know in the classic example which is a good one which is why it's always repeated is you know we we look at uh at our priests and the formation that they go through to undertake their vocation right and you know it's it's you know close to a decade of formation right yes and what do we require of people to enter into the sacrament of matrimony you know in some cases it's terrific in other cases it's one meeting with the pastor or a weekend or a weekend right you know and then we we wonder why we get down the road and we don't know what we had gotten ourselves into yeah and you know sometimes um you know there are consequences and something that uh anthony benkovic often talked about is that he he warned your kids growing up you know that consequences exist and the consequences can last a really long time right so be careful the choices that you make he said right because consequences can last a long time from the choices that you make uh and linda i do want to say this you know and i think that that any counselor listening today would agree if your husband doesn't want to go for counseling you should still go for counseling uh because it's very helpful uh to gain the advice and the wisdom uh that can be employed in in situations like this just learning how to perhaps begin to communicate in a little different way and uh and i don't mind telling you that um at one point in in in my marriage to my late husband we were going through a very rocky time that lasted for about three years and um in my time of prayer the lord asked me a question when i was praying for our marriage and the lord said will you let me change you and i was horrified at that question because i was the one who was taking the children to religious education i was taking them to church you know i was praying every day i was going to prayer meetings i was reading sacred scripture i thought i had it all together but the lord said will you let me change you and i really didn't want to hear that and finally i said it will it save my marriage and the lord said yes and i said okay let's do this thing and he began to show me and to lead me and to guide me and it was really i think through that kind of tutelage through the power of the holy spirit that we were able to work things out it took a while and it really wasn't an easy time and a lot of times you know it i was very discouraged and wanted to throw in the towel but we kept persisting and it worked out so oftentimes you know and i'm not saying this specifically about you linda but oftentimes we're very quick to point the finger at the spouse and really we've got to be pointing the finger to ourselves and saying okay this is unpleasant but what can i do i'm going to give you a really great book to read and it is called the spiritual diary of elizabeth laser l-e-s-e-u-r the spiritual diary of elizabeth laser published by sophia press this is an absolutely wonderful book uh for you to read and there's a companion book i'll give you and that companion book is called salt and light uh it is the uh the and i forget the subtitle exactly but it's the the spiritual journey i think it is of uh felix and elizabeth lucier and that's published by ignatius press and and i'm really encouraging you to get a copy of those books and to read it and to ask the lord what needs to change in me to make this marriage better and i would seek counseling and advice both by you know a marriage therapist but also uh by a good holy catholic priest that's my suggestion to you linda i hope it helps um let's go to yvonne jack yvonne is with us today from fort worth texas good morning yvonne how are you hello how are you dandy thank you so what is that i was calling okay well i was calling the response to the lady who called in regarding her her son wanting to have a prenup agreement yes and um i have some information about that that she might need to consider okay um my um my husband and i have been married now for eight years we both came into this marriage you know later in life yes and i i was divorced that he was a widower um and um in my ignorance we i put together a prenup agreement before we married and i found out later that a prenup agreement invalidates the marriage this is what i don't know where along the way i've learned this but anyway so i tore it up now do you let me just for the sake of clarity do you mean it it it invalidates the marriage legally or it invalidates the marriage in the catholic church i would say sacramentally this is what this is what i was told okay um and the reason you know we both you know we both had separate assets and so we you know there's no reason why you have to consider that everything is going to go into a joint you know joint assets you can still manage your assets separately but the important thing is that she needs to check with or they need to check with their state laws because i'm i'm in texas but when you inherit something in texas it's it is the sole and separate property of the person it does not become part of the community property it is their sole and separate property so for instance when my my ex-husband and i divorced i had inherited um some money that i put into some stocks and when we divided our assets that was not considered part of the community property that came to me separately and then the rest of the community property was divided um you know according to our agreement so there is it's not necessarily so that that they're you know to do this because of some um possible inheritance that she would have down the road that that should not be a factor in or it probably may not be a factor in in their making this decision um but they need to check with what their what their local laws are uh or their state laws are but in community property states um you're you know you still have your own separate property and even even as you know as um older adults you know you if you come into a second marriage you still have your separate assets but some things are going to go to my children and things will go to his children and then we have joint assets as well so you know our home is joint asset and so forth so she needs to have him check into that and it may be out of ignorance that they're doing this that they don't really understand the law and it's it and it does sort of set up an idea that this is an out this is your backdoor escape and if you're going to commit yourself to a marriage you're going to commit yourself you know heart and soul to this person and um that is and it's it's a it's a little it's a little thorn in your side to um to introduce that idea that you have a back door out well you know yvonne that's that's very helpful and i don't know i don't know florida law i know some things about florida law having lived there for for all of those years but that being said uh when you get into these kinds of technicalities it is best to check this out and and see if it's necessary i agree with you i think that even the issue being raised is is a pesky issue uh but i can understand how if it's the parents that you know they're looking to their daughter and the fact of the matter is we see that divorce you know marriage is disposable today it can be redefined and it's disposable so i can understand that there might be a concern but it might not be a valid concern and uh boy that's really very helpful information yvonne so i hope that lucy you're still listening uh and and maybe even you can check this out and bring the information to the young ones so yeah and it will it you know in in the situation that lucy described that would invalidate the sacramentality of the marriage but i just i think it's important that we make it clear um i don't want there to be any misconceptions out there with regard to what the church teaches and i think you you kind of i don't know if yvonne you meant to make a total blanket statement or not but a prenup in and of itself does not invalidate a sacramental marriage okay most of them probably would okay but if you had a prenuptial agreement between two parties who had been previously married and had previous children from those marriages to have an agreement that speaks to the inheritance of those children with with assets that were accrued in the previous marriages that that kind of an agreement does not in any way invalidate the sacramentality of a marriage so i just want to make i just want to make that distinction so that we right well and i think that that's what yvonne is alluding to but in the situation that lucy described this is a young couple right exactly so i agree with everything she said with her guide to that with regard to that relationship i i think she's 100 correct but it just it sounded a little bit like a blanket statement at the beginning and i just wanted to make sure we were clear yeah well thank you for that clarification and yvonne thank you very much for that very helpful information and lucy i think that that gives you a good path to go down to follow and see if you can't give good advice and counsel to your son i'm because after all you know you want this marriage to work as much as um our lord wants it to work so and even that being said with regard to uh the situation that wouldn't necessarily invalidate the sacramentality of the marriage even with that being said it still may not be the best idea well you know well that could be true too but but going back to this young couple i think the thing that disturbs me the most and the thing that disturbs lucy the most most is what yvonne mentioned is is this the back door like how much how much um you know how how much confidence do we have that this marriage is going to make it through for better for worse in sickness and health right and richer for poorer all of those those vows that we take there so thank you very much for your call yvonne and we're going to go to another comment call and let's see who we've got and what the question is this is melbourne florida and my question is about marriage for older people when they lose their social security if they get married that's where government and state aren't agreeing and a lot of older people are living together which is not biblical please answer my question it's a good question jack you want to take a stab at this one um well listen um you and i were talking this morning about the protection that holy mother church provides us and the church is the instrument that jesus left us right yes and told us that's what he was leaving us when he before he ascended back to the father after his earthly ministry and you know i think that sometimes you know we view what the church has to say about things especially when it comes to sexuality and and marriage and such matters we have this tendency to think that these are rigid oppressive restrictive uh you know uh edicts that are being imposed upon us yes right and um you know i think there's a there's a better way to to look at these things and that is that that you know what the church teaches and the and the precepts of sacred scripture and the magisterium of the church you know are sort of the instruction manual that the creator of the product yes has left to provide for the happiest existence of the product right right and i think we would be well advised to to listen to it and not just to dismiss things necessarily out of out of hat you know here's a perfect example of this situation just think about just think about for a moment just think about all the social ills that would immediately cease to exist if everybody only had sexual relations with the one person of the opposite sex that they're married to yes what would the world look like what would society look like yet we look at that advice as being some oppressive and restrictive edict yes it doesn't make any sense we've lost our minds well you know quite some time ago jennifer robeck morris wrote a book that talked about the economics of marriage i i or the economics of divorce and she actually did a study on how much money is spent for all of these programs that are out there and all of these different kinds of difficulties that arise out of these situations and what is actually costing the country and actually costing us in taxes so obviously that's not what we want to you focus on but the point is that on every no matter how it is that you try to dissect divorce in every various kind of category it comes up bad it comes up bad it's bad for the kids it's bad for the spouse you know that's left or uh it's it's morally it's reprehensible uh economically it's a bad deal you can go down through every category and find that but i do want to correct one statement and i'm not really sure what the circumstance is from our melbourne caller but quick search out here says that marriage has no impact on your social security retirement benefits which is based on your work record in earnings history however if you are divorced and receiving spousal benefits on the record of a living ex-spouse those payments end if you remarry at any age so you're not going to lose social security benefits what i've most heard this argument being made or questions being asked about is is health benefits that you might be entitled to from your deceased spouse and then if you remarry you do lose those benefits but hopefully you've got provision for that well right but what you just read you do lose potentially social security benefits if you get married if you are divorced and receiving spousal benefits on the record of a living ex-spouse those payments end okay if you remarry but if you remain married for example you and i social security benefits will come to me and social security benefits will come to you if we divorced and i was living on your social security i would lose that so there you have it so uh you know we have to understand how this applies but it doesn't really matter because morally it's reprehensible you know you can't live together you can't cohabitate it's outside of the laws of god and no matter what the situation is culturally or socially or or by country there's nothing that exonerates that reality and says okay so you put this to the side now because it's more convenient to do this or that or it makes more sense it doesn't make any sense whatsoever because you're putting your soul in mortal day and immortal danger right you're endangering your your eternal life so you know and more important that's most important and more important than that even is that you're missing out on the good that the one who loves you more than anybody on earth ever could wants for you that's right you know and and we see this off we see this so often that we we we bend to our carnal and when i say carnal i'm not talking about sexual just just our our physical human desires right we count out of those and we and we we bend to those instead of what uh you know the lord has told us is the best path for us right and sometimes it's hard in the short term but i can promise you that it is always worth it in the long term if you follow the plans that god has for you you know and perhaps in many of these situations i get it that you get lonely you know people have lost their spouses later in life and i understand that that loneliness can be a problem and that that that need for companionship can can be an issue but we have to ask ourselves you know is the lord really calling me into another relationship right or is he not or is he calling me to a deeper relationship with him that's right yeah and maybe that's what some of us can probably be a little afraid of and feel a little unworthy of right right if we're forced to face the possibility of entering into a deeper relationship with the lord and now anything that some of the excuses that we may have made within our own spirit have been taken away and now we we wonder if that's you know something that we're even capable of doing but i can promise you you know you look at people who are waiting for an annulment to be declared and they'll go ahead and get civilly married anyway yes you know you see these situations not infrequently especially here in america in our culture and i promise you if you if you wait if you're patient and you do things the way that god has prescribed them as difficult as it seems in the short term i promise you it'll be worth it in the long term yeah yeah i i want to try really fast i don't know if we have time do we have time we're going to try steve's not ready oh steve isn't ready yet so we're probably not going to get to steve i'm uh he's he is a tax accountant so he had some advice and counsel on this this is a uh a very difficult issue to be able to try to discuss within the period of time that we have jack but i would encourage everybody you know there's there are ways there are ways that that we can set things up so that everybody's taken care of uh and most importantly you know our eternal salvation is not jeopardized uh and and this is exactly yeah and another another aspect of this steve was going to bring up i think is an alimony situation where yeah that is something that you could probably probably would lose if you yes if you're right right we have we have family members that are in that situation yes we do uh and so uh so what he's saying is he's got a couple in their 80s and they're cohabitating but they live like roommates and brother and sister uh and it's an alimony situation i think you put yourself into a very difficult situation when you try to circumvent the way in which god would have us approach our life together well there you have it it's another marriage monday we're going to be back with you in march but listen we're going to be with you february 12th that's this saturday 9 a.m to 4 p.m for an online marriage retreat we're looking forward to seeing you there you can register at womenofgrace.com and we're hoping that you'll do that check out everything going on at womenofgrace.com right there at our website god bless you now bye-bye [Music] [Applause] [Music] the most original catholic content is on ewtn radio

Channel: EWTN

Views: 1,002

Keywords: Catholic, EWTN, Christian, television

Id: g8masp9lJY4

Length: 54min 0sec (3240 seconds)

Published: Mon Feb 07 2022