WOMEN OF GRACE - 2/2/18- Johnnette Benkovic- Dr. Greg & Lisa Popcak

[Music] hello everyone and welcome to women of grace I'm John ed Benge EVIC we're live today for another women of grace simulcast it's always a joy to be with you on these occasions via EWTN television and radio the internet and all manner of social media our phone screeners are standing by and eager to take your calls you know it brings us joy to receive your comments your insights inspirations and words of encouragement here on women of grace I'll be giving you the phone number throughout the course of the program and we'll do our best to get you on the air when you call in if you are out there on social media note that we are there with you too via ewtn radio space book page and youtube channel you can submit your questions or comments that way as well if there is a perfect pattern for our lives surely it must be outlined for us in the eight Beatitudes in them we see the Heart of Jesus and the face of the Father but in them too we find a perfect pattern for parenting especially as it applies to dads the unfortunate reality is that many men forfeit their fatherly vocations to careers hobbies and even sports they invest themselves in the fleeting rather than the everlasting and it is their children who suffer a father will always be remembered by his impact on his family whether it be positive or negative and that impact will be felt in the current generation and future generations as well the Beatitudes or as our guest today put it the bad attitudes can become a launchpad for new fathers and also a path back for dads who may have stumbled in the past I am eager to welcome dr. Gregory pop Jack and Lisa pop check to our program today to offer us their insight and wisdom on parenting in light of the bad attitudes or the Beatitudes of Christ but prior to having them on the set with us today I have a very special guest with me and a very special announcement to make so stay tuned you won't want to miss what is coming up [Music] [Music] [Music] it's a precious word here at EWTN it describes the relationship we feel toward our colleagues viewers and our listeners likewise within the apostolate of women of grace that familial sentiment runs deep and strong so it is with great joy that I have the pleasure of sharing with you my family good news one of my favorite scripture passages as you well know is Jeremiah 29 verse 11 God speaks through his prophet and says I know well the plans I have in mind for you plans for your welfare not your woe plans for a future full of hope God is always about something amazing in our lives it comes as a sign of his love for us and his providential care for us as his children and it is my joy to tell you I am experiencing this reality in a new way may I introduce to you my fiance mr. Jack Williams general manager of EWTN radio and host of open line heard Monday through Friday at 3:00 p.m. Eastern Time on EWTN radio and it's radio partners let's welcome Jack Williams Jack welcome to the set of women of grace well thank you so much for the invitation it's a very exciting time for us yes hopefully it'll be a very exciting time for our family those of us who are really the impetus for what we do here at EWTN and a women of grace that's exactly right so I'm sure it's surprising for many people to hear about our upcoming nuptials which I am very excited about well it's it's surprising to us as well you know we've talked about this a great length but this is really not anything that either one of us expected or certainly we're looking for as most of you are aware we are both widowed Anthony has been gone it'll be 11 years in April interestingly enough it'll be two years in April that Suzy passed away and I think that both of us had acquired some sort of a comfort level with our widowhood and both of us had the great grace of witnessing a happy death in the eyes of Holy Mother Church with passing of each of our spouses which certainly made things easier and I didn't think that quite frankly that the capacity to love again the way that I love Suzy was really ever going to be in the cards for me yeah you know was surprising for me to Jack to consider that because yeah I thing you know I had a long-term marriage you know almost 34 years we loved each other very very much but you know I kind of liken it to having children you know when you have that first baby you're not sure that you can love another child as much as you love that first and then what happens is God gives you with another child and you realize that love dilates the heart it makes room in the heart for more and that doesn't mean that you don't love that first child anymore but it does mean that God gives you a new opportunity to experience something unique and special and that's how I look at our relationship you know God dilated our hearts and he's gifted us with each other and there's something very unique and special about Johnetta and Jack and Jack and Jeanette that marks this relationship in time I don't think there's any question about that it's it's a beautiful thing that our Lord has done in our lives and it's not as though we know better than he does what we need at any given time and we've talked about this at length when after Suzy had passed you know when I was at work going about the business of what I do everything was fine for the most part and when I got home I wasn't miserable by any stretch of the imagination but I just I didn't quite know what I was supposed to be doing when I wasn't at work and so when our Lord brought you into my life it made me realize just how lonely I actually was and I know you've experienced a similar emotion and really I liken it to kind of being especially in those moments when I wasn't at work you know I kind of liken it to being adrift without a rudder no land in sight as we read about with Noah and that can be a bit of an overwhelming feeling sometimes when you don't know what you're going or don't know where you're going but through the grace of God it was infinite mercy and love for myself as well as you he sent me a dove in that moment with a little hyssop sprig in her beak and provided for me the rudder and it guided us to what I hope will be many many years of dry land yes that's such a beautiful analogy and the first time that you shared that with me it touched my heart so very deeply and every time you tell it it touches my heart so very deeply and you know I think that it's important for us to realize that you know marriage is a vocation it is a path that God selects for us to be purified in this life that we might achieve eternal life and so while every marriage has its ups and it's downs and its joys and sorrows when it is rooted in our Lord Jesus Christ and in a life of prayer then you have a firm foundation upon which to build and you know I think it's important to share with all of you that we've really constituted that from the very beginning of our relationship from the very beginning of the moment that you Jack asked if you could court me we didn't date recorded so why don't you explain the difference between the two we did and we had it so it's something that's that somewhat lost I think in our culture today but you know we weren't dating we weren't out looking around but you know this was something that we both felt the Lord had put on our hearts and that he had brought us together for that purpose and we decided early on that if the Lord was bringing us together that people in our situation men and women would be brought together for one purpose and that would be to discern whether or not this would be a sacramental situation for us and we agreed early on that if that were not the case if either of us determined that we didn't think this was leading to the altar then it needed to be over at that point at least on this level and you know everything that we've done the beauty of this is you know Johnette brings me closer to our Lord and my thoughts of Johnette shift to thoughts of our Lord with such abundant ease it's just one of the most beautiful things that I've ever experienced and you know everything we've done from the outset that has been so beautiful is that it's been rooted in our Lord and our lady the beauty of it when we made our intentions known to one another we had the great opportunity to begin a novena to Our Lady of Sorrows which ended on the vigil of her feast and the first thing we did after we had stated our intentions to each other when we were together for the first time after that is immediately paid a visit to our Lord the Blessed Sacrament at Our Lady of Sorrows parish yes yes and if we had more time I would go through all of the amazing amazing signs that we've had from our Lord that have indicated this even involving our Mother Angelica in some ways we've visited Hanceville and visited the resting place of mother and to ask for her intercession and you know I think jack you know the fact of the matter is there's hope and that's why that passage of Jeremiah 29 verse 11 is so important to me especially in light of this because you know God does have plans for us friends he does have something in mind for us and we never know when it's going to come or how it's going to come you know I was a widow for 10 years and here we are almost into the celebration of the 11th year of that and and never anticipated that there would be this opportunity and yet God surprises us so I don't know what you're struggling with today or where you are in terms of your own particular state in life or what sorrow is very close to your heart right now but I can tell you one thing and this I know truly and really and absolutely God will work good out of it it might not happen in your timing but it will most definitely happen in the perfect time the time and he knows is best for you and then we can receive that gift with openness and receptivity of heart and allow the the the grace of God to in fill us and to move us on to a new place a new place in our relationship with him a new place in in in our spiritual life a new place in our emotional life a new place in our natural lives God has good things in mind for us right he does and I would hold close Johnetta and I have if you're in a situation perhaps similar we've held close to the Holy Family as our model Our Lady has been most abundant in her intercession for us it's been very apparent to us and st. Joseph's has been a wonderful model for us because aside from our lady he is probably the most beautiful example we have of authentic humility and strength that we've ever seen for anybody and we are so abundantly grateful and the ladies are watching Johnette I know the ladies are watching and they want to see they want to see the evidence it is there ladies it's definitely there and I'm quite pleased quite pleased and we are abundantly pleased to share that with each one of you that have meant so much to us you are why we do what we do that's right that's right so we are going to go to a break and Jack is going to leave our set and I'm going to work welcome to pop checks our guest today and we're going to continue with our program we invite you to stay tuned right here to women of grace live today we'll be right back [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] the Liturgy of the hours what does this ancient but ever new canticle of divine praise offer for the prayer life of the lay Catholics now from retreat master father Timothy Gallagher an illuminating guide to a new prayer experience the midst of all the activity of the day can be very constantly throughout the day can the day be really punctuated with moments of prayer you start to finish discover how to sanctify each minute of the day with the Liturgy of the hours for laypeople a five-part mini retreat on the global Catholic Network EWTN [Music] hi I'm Doug Keck join me next time when I'll be speaking with father Joseph Mary wolf about mother Angelica's book Mother Angelica God his home and his angels the the dignity of one human soul surpasses the rest of the material universe and that's what bring mother is bringing him out here why because we are made in the image and likeness of God that's Mother Angelica on God his home and his angels with father Joseph next time on bookmark to pray and to work a long-standing motto of Saint Benedict within the heart of South Africa a simple young man would build schools for the poor and impoverished with his own hands by his humble and compassion of example he would encourage many young students to embrace the Catholic faith teacher catechist martyred he was human got soul the story of Benedict DAWs wad here on the global Catholic Network EWTN through the Blessed Virgin Mary the light of the world dwelt among us EWTN takes you to the Basilica of the Annunciation in Nazareth as the faithful venerate the mother of God with prayers and Thanksgiving join the Marian procession from the Holy Land Saturday at 3 p.m. Eastern here on EWTN [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] well welcome back everyone as you heard in the open to our program today the Beatitudes form for us a model to live by and additionally they serve as a perfect pattern after which to model our parenting for dads the Beatitudes give the gold standard on servant leadership his holy Duty within the structure of the family what are the Beatitudes in what do they inform us and how can we embrace them and live by them especially fathers today our guests will explore this question and its answers let's welcome dr. Gregory pop Jack and Lisa pop jack authors of many books including the one we will be discussing today may be data twos eight ways to be an awesome dad available for you at ewtn religious catalogue go to wtn our c-calm to order and now let's welcome dr. gregory pop check and lisa pop jack welcome welcome welcome alright to have you with us it's so great to be here on such a special wonderful day it was a special and wonderful moment well I was so abundantly happy to be able to share that news with with all of you our viewers and our listeners today but you know it's so happy to to have you as our guests because you have done so much to help individuals in their marriages so much in their family life so much in meeting the daily demands and challenges that are part of the reality of life today that can tear apart the delicate fabric of a marriage of a family structure and your books give us great hope and they give us great guidance and they give us you know practical applications of how to do things and I think that's one of the reasons why I so love this book you know because it's eight bead attitudes based on maybe attitudes that you know I'm not clever with titles like that I have to admit but you are and and you know it illustrates something for us it brings something to mind and that is that you know God has a plan for us and he gives us the plan we just have to follow it out you know it doesn't mean it's not going to be difficult from time to time but the fact of the matter is it does say that we're not on our own that we do have a writer and that rudder is our Lord Jesus Christ so go ahead Lisa it's absolutely true and I think that leading in with your wonderful announcement I think really sets this up so well because we often I think as Catholics look at sacramental life and family life as almost two different things you know the sacrament happened the day of the wedding and then there's all this stuff we have to do and the sacrament happens when we baptize the child or bring it for First Holy Communion but then there's the hardness of life and that's just not the truth and you and Jack are showing that so well to all of your wonderful viewers who are seeing ya know they're looking at this sacramentally every day every day of their courtship every day for the rest of their lives and we can do that too and it's not just about what goes on at church it's very much about what goes on in the day-to-day well you know you know just you mention I mentioned ministry and what you just said you know and and I think a lot of people think that ministry is that churchy stuff you do at church right but ministry is really any activity that we engage in that communicates the love of God to another person and in that sense marriage and family life is the most important ministry we can do as laypeople because we're able to convey God's love first to each other and then to our children and then to the world as well and God is loving all of us through that and I think one of the reasons I was so excited when Greg did bad attitudes is because as you were saying in the lead and so many men don't know how to do this that's a don't know what it means to do the day to day of the sacramental Living Well you know I think that that's a very important point because unfortunately today we don't have role models you know we don't like to talk about the bad news and what you really want to concentrate on the good news but the fact of the matter is we have to couch all of the good news in the day and time in which we live otherwise we lose the importance and the significance of it for that moment and when we look at the landscape of family life today there are so many homes that are broken homes where the dad is absent mom is raising the children on their own and so a young young little guys coming up right and and who is he modeling him who wears the pattern right and as a result of that they don't know how to do it so they enter to a marriage and they want to be the best that they can be you know they want to be a good husband they want to be a good father but they just don't know how to do it and that's why this is so important it's so good well yeah you know and that's actually the inspiration for the book you know a lot of the work that we do is working with couples and with families who really want the best for their spouse for their children but maybe didn't come from the best background or didn't don't have a personal model to turn to and we you know we're reflecting a lot on you know so how do you respond to that and you know I Pope Francis gave an interview where he said that the Beatitudes are our blueprint for Christian living and you know it's sort of lightbulb moment sort of hit and I started thinking well you know what would the Beatitudes then say about marriage and especially parenting and fatherhood in particular and I just started praying through each of the Beatitudes in relationship to my fatherhood and seeing what wisdom I could get from that to kind of communicate this model of how men could be fathers after God the father's own heart and I and it really occurred to me that each of the Beatitudes has an insight for Christian fathers that allows us to look to God the Father as our model wherever we come from we can be great fathers as long as we parent with God the Father well and that is it isn't it I mean every father is meant to share in the reality of who God the father is the father in the household and this is kind of revolutionary thinking especially on the ears of contemporary culture but but every man who is called to be father is meant to be the presence of God the Father in the home and and so who is God the Father he's the provider he's the protector he's the one who leads us and guides us and those are the fundamental masculine charisms that need to be brought out in a very special way in real way in the life of family in raising the children for example yeah and in a lot of ways the Beatitudes really reveal how God the Father parents us that's right and so we patterned them our relationship with our spouse and children after the way he loves us and he reveals that love to us through the Beatitudes you know I want to I want to comment on this too because this is something that I've always found with Thor that I want to use I've always found this to be admirable in in the way in which you have conducted yourselves throughout your married life and in the raising of children I mean your faith is is absolutely the most important thing in the world to you and it's what undergirds and gives breath to everything else that you do and and you know I I just gotta say this friends you know we have to take note of that we've got to make certain that we are really rooted where we need to be do we do it perfectly no do we sin yes do we seek repentance hopefully all right and we move on right we take the grace that God gives us and we move forward with it but the fact of the matter is if Jesus is in our cross hairs all of the time we're going to do things differently I remember both at you you all wrote years ago years ago and I had to do with parenting your children and and one of the things that to this day stands out so much it was just one line from the whole book it was a takeaway it was you know what virtues do you want your children to to thrive in what were those virtues raise your children for those virtues and that was to me it was like golly that's so simple but not so easy to do and we're talking about virtuous parenting and virtuous marriages yes it's not simple to do when you've got the noise of the world in your ears you know when you have the other mothers in the pickup line at school saying oh my kid's gonna you know get into Harvard or my kid's gonna make it to the NFL or fill in the blank and it's all these very temporary goals yes but your child can make it wherever God wants them to be to live out their vocation here if you're raising them with a real sense of what those most important virtues they were created to to live out those charisms they were created to live out as that unique and unrepeatable person in the image and likeness of God and once you instill that in them the rest of it it just makes sense it clicks it gives them a real internal guideposts so that you don't have to hawk it over them all the time well makes parenting a little bit easier to actually explore that idea and in the in the chapter I'm blessed are the dads who hunger and thirst for righteousness right because we're pursuing righteousness and family life is not just about making sure that everybody's doing the right thing it's about cultivating a heart that longs for that virtue right and we talk about practical ways that that we can kind of keep those virtues out in front you know for example you know in the course of a week saying we could all really work on speaking a little more respectfully to each other this week so so sit to you sit down with the kids as the dad and say you know what do we need to do to handle this situation a little more respectfully or how would we handle that a little more respect let me actually kind of write it down and then talk about it everyday over dinner you know how do you do with that today you know and just keeping those virtues out in the front it's very casual it's not have you been respectful just part of the conversation of family life that we bring those virtues in and reflect on them lightly and casually but in terms of our everyday life so we're really living our faith and practicing that that righteousness in our home you know that's a very Ignatian thing to do right there at the dinner table you know and and and that's a beautiful thing and it you know as you're talking about that of course if you're raising your children virtue then it's very natural that we need to be looking at ourselves to see if we are living that virtue out you know so you talk about this the speed attitude of righteousness dads are righteous and just right so am i righteous am I just and it's like a daily check for us can't give what you don't have it so it's important to really reflect on those qualities first and say you know I'm modeling this stuff you know I want my kids to be responsible am i following through on my promises to them I want them to be respectful am I speaking with them respectfully Erma you know it's it's it's you you start learning that God gives you the children that you need through them just as much as you are forming them yeah and that's an important thing to remember you know because God wants us perfected so he does give us what we need for that perfection but you've written a book too on the corporal works of mommy and see this is what I think is so delightful and so charming is because you're taking things from Sacred Scripture but you're giving them a very real practical application to state in life and that's what we're supposed to do yeah well that wasn't my idea that was my son's idea when he was seven and he was getting ready for his First Holy Communion I was making breakfast one morning and just going over the corporal works of mercy right and as he heard feed the hungry give drink to the thirsty clothe the naked he went you know mom this should really be called the corporal works of mommy because you do this stuff all day long which was cute exactly John it was it was that moment where God said hey maybe you could really see the value in this yeah you know maybe you can stop listening to the world telling you it's all drudgery and that it's something to want to shirk off and really look at it and I loved being a mom but I really got a sense that wow you know this is a spiritual exercise this will impart God to my children and also bring God to me and it it really became something amazing it's not just another pile of laundry it's not just another meal to cook it's not just something else to dust it's really that Ministry of bringing God's love to my family and and you know we think of those corporal and spiritual works of mercy as things that we have to do in those in you know in-between missionary work and in third-world countries but in reality you know God gives us a million opportunities to do it every single day in a context of our home communicating God's love through those little works that little way of family life yeah well and and what you're talking about here is revision in your life it's a total to use psychological word I'm gonna pull out my it's a reframing yeah it's seeing things through a totally different lens right and by seeing it through a different lens there's a transformation and a change that takes place in us so these are very beautiful beautiful realities in our lives I want to get back to this idea so I'm gonna ask you this Greg I'm just thinking here that if you've written this book on the bead attitudes it's because this is how you've patterned your fathering it is and and it's it's how I kind of challenge myself every day to do a little bit better right like you said none of us are perfect and we're on God is always working to perfect us and so you know in in constantly kind of praying through how does God want me to be a father after the father's own heart I'm always looking for different resources or things to reflect on it and the Beatitudes have really been an important part of that reflection and so you know I was really happy to be able to get the opportunity to do the book because I think that as I said earlier you know so many men are looking for a role model they're looking for some place to turn for guidance and and the Beatitudes really do reveal the God the Father's heart and help us pattern ourselves after him yeah absolutely beautiful and here we go friends we're gonna go to our break and as we go I want to hold the book up for you again to see it's the Beatitudes and it's eight ways to be an awesome dad written by our guest today Gregory pop check and as I tell you when you go out to eat WT NRC calm if you just put their name in the search engine popc a k popc a k bunches of books including the corporal works of mommy will pop up for you there they're all available for you right out there at ewtn RC comm we're gonna be right back after our break inviting you to stay with us and give us a call too why not the numbers are there for you stay with us [Applause] [Music] across the cosmic chessboard of history a what-if Clash of life-and-death philosophies what is the value of human life dr. Benjamin Wiker that's Margaret Sanger the founders of Planned Parenthood champion of birth control along with Pope Paul the sixth champion of the Church's moral rejection of contraception you do not have children you are not a mother you do not understand anything the church is mother to millions [Music] yes missus say I understand it's a timeless discourse a showdown between the prophets of darkness and light turn back the clock and witness Saints versus scoundrels a two-part EWTN original production on the Eternal Word television network [Music] next time on EWTN coleg weekly congressman keith prophets breaks down why it's important to pass Pro Lake policy and we share some of our favorite stories in a special edition show but next time on ewtn pro-life weekly Sunday at 10 a.m. Eastern [Music] amidst an impoverished land one priest would establish many schools for the poor facing down at elite clergy at a growing secular movement he would risk everything even his own life PO Veda here on the global Catholic Network EWTN [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] welcome back friends we are visiting with our guests today we've got dr. Gregory and Lisa pop check with us so excited to be talking about this book the bead attitudes eight ways to be an awesome dad this is your opportunity to call in with your questions and your comments your insights your inspirations your words of encouragement 802 two one nine four six zero is the 800 number for those of you who are here in the United States of America or Canada 802 two one nine four six zero you can also reach us via one two zero five two seven one two nine eight zero if you're outside of North America that's one two zero five two seven one two nine eight zero just thinking you've got some questions we're here to answer them for you today you know this this whole notion of patterning our lives after this blueprint that Jesus gives us is so unique so let's talk just a little bit about this business of being poor in spirit and how that applies to fathering you know poverty with spirit it really has to do with being willing to embrace it how much the fact that I don't know what I'm doing how to be a godly father what is that about right and there's a certain freedom that comes from that you know I think that a lot of men pretend that we have to have it all together we have to have I in fact I get comments from this immense conferences all the time you know I know I'm supposed to be the head of my household you know how did my family and the spiritual head of my family how do I do that you know and I feel like an awesome responsibility yeah cause I mean you you sure you get the impression you're supposed to have all the answers that they're ready and you know and of course you don't right and and so you so a lot of guys try to pretend you know and so then we act all authoritarian and I have spoken you know and and of course that's you comes from a good place you know at least a well-intentioned place but it ends up falling flat a lot of ways so the blessed are the dads who are poor in spirit is really all about being willing to acknowledge I have no idea what I'm doing and that's okay you know I bring that to God and I say you know Lord you know what you want me to do and and I'm asking you to teach me moment by moment day by day week by week I'm gonna trust in you and I like to think of the fathers as not so much the head of the household as much as the first disciple in the household it's my job to be that that first disciple and and and to bring my heart to God first and then leave my my wife and my children to do the same by my example and so you know coming to God in prayer and say you know okay God I don't know how to handle this what do you want me to do and then going back to my wife or you know saying that you know okay my kids have done this I don't know how to handle that and now what do you want me to do and then going back to my kids and so really rooting my fatherhood and that prayerful relationship with with my Heavenly Father I have to say the fruit that I've seen that bear I choked up when I think about it in my kids lives because when Greg comes 20 of us but especially the kids and says bring with me about this cuz I don't know what you need but God does yeah then I've seen our kids grow up and be not afraid to come to their dad and say I'm at a loss what do I do help me figure this out and he can give them his advice goodness knows you know as a psychologist he's got so much advice to give but he'll never just do that without praying with them first and say you know you're God's kid first let's figure this out together so our kids as we were talking about earlier will strive very hard to reach for those virtues that they've identified for themselves that we've helped them try to achieve but they know that it's always okay to not have it all together that they can ask God and that they have parents will pray with them and guide them as best we can and I've really seen that ver tremendous Ruth well one thing I want to highlight that you just said you know I don't want to give the impression that it's a dad's job just kind of go off by ourselves in the wilderness and have this you know theophany where God reveals to us what the big plan for our family life is and then we go back and say now wife this is what God has told me for you it really is much more about you know Lisa comes to me and says you know well this is happening what do you think we should do and beats me let's pray about it so let's pray about it or the kids have this desire or showing this misconduct yeah but there's some positive intention behind it let's bring it to God and work it out together and as you said it's not the wilderness or going off to the men's retreat or the men's group and hearing from other dads hey this is what you need to do in your house it's working it out with the family that God's given him yeah and it's it's worked very well and I think that it keeps you from feeling overly stressed yeah well comes cars and trucks we the beautiful thing here and what you're demonstrating just in what you're saying the beautiful thing here is is the complementarity between husband and wife and this is why the going is so hard for single parents you know it's tough to be a dad when mommy's not there it's tough to be mommy when dad is there each each each parent brings something unique by virtue of their masculinity and or femininity to that that rearing of the children and providing a balance and a counterbalance to each other right and and so it's very hard you know I'm just thinking friends you know maybe some of you were struggling in that right and right this very minute we want to encourage you to call because you've got experts sitting on this set today you know you don't always have that opportunity eight hundred two two one nine four six zero eight hundred two two one nine four six zero is the way that you can call it here in North America outside of North America it's country code one two zero five two seven one two nine eight zero that's one two zero five two seven one two nine eight zero and the beautiful thing here too that's so very important is that you're talking about this relationship that you have this communicative ability to work the problems out together dad I think is the one who permits that to happen more than mom well yeah and and you know so when I talk about blessed are the dads who are peacemakers you know and there'll be data to it you know peace being a peacemaker isn't just about you know keeping the how to keep an order in the house you know making sure nobody sets dog on fire today you should start there please you know it's it's ultimately about making sure that that there's a kind of an orderly spirit in the house that things happen in a right order you know that that well for example when there's a problem then making sure that you know let's not fight it out amongst ourselves let's go to God first let's let's take that moment to really reflect on what God's will might be for us and and let's take that moment to really talk about what we're trying to do and maybe how we could do it better there and I think Dad can really facilitate that role you know I when when when when fathers ask me kind of about you know what does this headship really look like you know in that's not comfortable it's a tough time yeah yeah it really is hard and and it's not this sort of autocratic you know I am spoken because I'm the dad kind of a thing the way I like - it's a metaphor that kind of resonates with a lot of men like if you're the here with the chairman of the board you know you're running a corporate board or whatever a board meeting you don't just get to go in there and say this is my agenda this is what we're gonna do now get out there you know you facilitate the process that's right but everybody has to have their say and it's your job as the chair to really take the best of what everybody has and try to put it together in a way that will make everyone happy that really reflects the best gifts that everybody brings to that table and so you're facilitating that process and you're facilitating that order but you're not running the show you're not a dictator no you're not a taskmaster but you I thank you as the husband need to develop the most listening ear to God in your household to the members of your household also to God as as you and Jack we're talking about you know using st. Joseph as your model who heard God better been st. Joseph even in his dreams that's right right because he was so attuned to listening cuz God wanted to speak the purposes for his family into the world and when a father does that and he's going to develop that listening ear and hear God in prayer and in what his family saying then he's he can't fail because God's got his back yeah you know and if somebody just occurred to me for the very first time as you were talking about you know st. Joseph and his listening year God did not go to Mary and say to Mary wait your husband off you're going to Egypt he didn't do that he went to the husband there is something about that even even in that depiction there in Sacred Scripture that kind of indicates to us something about this order that God is establishing for a reason but you know the fact of the matter is this this input I love that this idea of you know you facilitate the discussion but it's for you to make the decision and that requires not just a you know a listening ear which you must have but it also requires a receptivity of heart it is very Marian and it's character right you know and as that chair if you will let that family board you know your dad can't just Pat everybody on the head and say yes thank you you've spoken now I'm gonna tell you what I really think you know it really is that receptivity that you're talking about that allows me to take in those things that are even hard to hear and and bring bring it together into a solution or an answer to this particular challenge or problem we're facing that really does bring out the best of what God's doing all of us yeah alright we're gonna go to a break at this point in time friends we want you to give us a call here we're available for you we're gonna come back with to Jenni calling us from Iowa today so stay tuned we'll be right back [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] please join us for our next episode of EWTN in concert series featuring a concert by the Sistine Chapel choir at the Basilica of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception in Washington DC [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] maestro Monsignor Massimo Pelham Bella conducts the choir in this performance of beautiful sacred music from the Renaissance period that's the Sistine Chapel Choir next time on in concert here on EWTN it's a message of love an invitation to healing and forgiveness I was very far away from the church but God was not very far away from me whether their converts reverts atheists or agnostics their stories have a similarity they experience God's love and mercy what are you waiting for now is the time to discover the fullness Wonder and mystery of the Catholic faith join Tom Peterson for Catholics come home Sunday at 4:30 p.m. ease on EWTN [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] welcome back friends were visiting with our guests today we have dr. Gregory and Lisa pop check with us so delighted to have them we're talking about the bead attitudes has a pattern a blueprint if you will for how men can father we certainly do invite you to give us a call here 802 two one nine four six zero that's 802 two one nine four six zero or country code one two zero five two seven one two nine eight zero we have Jenny with us she's calling us from Iowa this morning good morning Jenny how are you good morning Jeanette crack congratulations on your nuptials thank you glory and praise see you Jeanette for your ministry into the pop Jack's I just discovered more to life you have helped me in more ways than you can ever know my question is we have four children are younger two who are teenagers really benefited from my husband and I being really rooted in the faith seeking actively prayer and sacraments our older two children are out of the house and in their 20s are my husband and I were less mature we did all of the Catholic things all of the you know academic things but my older two children don't have the day-to-day regimen of prayer and actively seeking God any advice for how I could help my older two children along with my husband parent them in a godly way as they go through young adulthood yeah sure you know I think the first thing is you know again bringing prayer right into that relationship so you know for example if your kids call you up and say this is going on you know I'm really struggling to find a job or I'm having a hard time with this this relationship I'm in you listen to them you talk to them but then at the end of that you just say you know I just really feel like I want to pray for you and you just jump into it don't ask permission don't say is it okay that I pray for you is it you should be praying about that it's just you know lord please be with them in this situation I really helped them find that job that's gonna fulfill them and glorify you or please bless them in the situation with the relationship you let them know how much you love them and carry them through this time amen he's short sweet you know but but make God part of the conversation make God part of that interaction because they start to see God's love shining out through your heart and your relationship you make it relational because if you if you're too heavy-handed about it you know well how come you guys aren't going to church or you know you should be praying more they don't they don't necessarily understand God in that more personal way so they have to experience him relationally through you and and by bringing him into the relationship in those very simple casual short sweet ways it's very powerful witness because they start experiencing your faith as the source of that warmth and support in the relationship that's especially true as Jenny was saying if you've done a lot of the academic things that that supported Catholicism when the kids you know I always say well if you did algebra homework with them every single day but it was all you know wrote and tears and struggle would they become mathematicians probably not you know it's a it's a subject and we want to always hesitate to turn our faith into just another school subject we want to make sure it's something that's warm and real and bum tore their souls and something that expresses their joy and we can do that with them when they're adults in fact we can foster more of a friendship with them when they're adults and bring our very adult faith to that relationship and that's the other thing I would say is make sure that you're not just concentrating on the faith when you talk to an adult child you know go out to coffee with them go to a movie with them hang out with them go shopping with you because that's ministry too and it's even when you're not talking about God but in those opportunities you know if you do have a moment where you just say you know I was praying about this the other day and I just really wanted you to know how much I really think God loves you and he's really with you in this and they'll probably roll their eyes but that's okay you know because again they're experiencing that support they're experiencing you building that relationship and seeing you there you slip those little things and it reminds them that God is working and and makes them wonder well what does you know what does mom know that I don't you know what does dad know that I don't here is something and I've always found to Jenny that you can pack so much into those little prayers like you know you can pack in I know that father god I just you know praying with Johnny today here and he's struggling so much that they and we know that you have a perfect plan because you tell us that in Sacred Scripture and so we're just asking you now to begin to affect that plan in his life in tangible ways that he can see and touch and feel and smell you know and and you can just you know you can remind them of what they learned but you know what was what was taught to them as children well thank you for your call Jenny thank you for your congratulations and let's go on to Julianne she's calling us from New York today good morning Julianne good morning my question is that if there's a man who's not very religious and doesn't know what the Beatitudes are would this book be good for him also oh yes the invitation of a whole lot we don't assume anything you know I really wanted to write the book with the assumption that the person who was reading it maybe never even heard of the Beatitudes or or maybe this was bought by a wife who really wanted her husband to be more faithful but wasn't sure what to do so she could leave this on the toilet tank you know that was going into writing the book that's exactly what I was thinking of you know that you know that a lot of men might not go and pick up the book themselves but that their wives might and you know how could I hook them and how could I you know get them to read it especially if they maybe didn't have a faith or maybe had never been interested in it you know how can I kind of catch them from the very first chapter on so so yeah I would like to thank Julianna that the the your book is written exactly for the kind of man that you're speaking of yeah I just want to say to Julien you know this is something from from my own personal experience with my husband Anthony I came back to the faith before he did right and and so I was I was overbearing I'm just gonna put on the table I was absolutely overbearing and I was pushing him further away than drawing him near and so there's a certain you know there's a certain what do I want to say feminine aspect called the feminine genius that we have to employ in this and so if we really want our man to make some changes I know I'm telling you met and all these things but but the idea is you know be sure that that he knows how much you love him be sure that you're affirming him be sure that you're raising him up and waist catch him you know we say this about kids catch them doing something right and tell them about it so small little things Gigi thanks for picking your socks up off the floor honey that was very sweet of you any small thing because then will you do is you help for him to be receptive to what it is that you want to say and you're putting more dollars in the bank then you're gonna withdraw when you have to give him a word that might you know might not sit quite as well but if you if you are constantly building him in that way then it's going to make it's gonna read beautiful benefits for you so I would suggest that too yeah I think I think often when we when we fall in love with the Lord in and if our spouse isn't there with us it often makes us bossy more loving you know and and so it the way to evangelize our spouse is to really let them say wow you know my husband my wife has really become so much more generous so much more loving so much more thoughtful so much more considerate since they've been going to church what's that about right and and they start to experience that relational grace and wondering well where is that coming from and now as soon as they ask you that why are you being so nice to me all of a sudden well it's because I know how much God loves you and he wants me to communicate that to you okay yeah I think that's very true and you had mentioned something Lisa when we were on break and we were talking about the fact that you know for so many women who are hearing this about beed attitudes if the dad isn't in the home the idea is gee you know I wish it could have been like this but sometimes the dad is in the home and it's not like that so what would you say to women who are struggling with that we're kind of approaching it here but there are things that they can do besides leaving the book on the toilet which i think is a good idea because well I agree a hundred percent with Gregg this is about and and you have said so brilliantly you know marriage is about purification and often we think it's about our spouses purification I'm not how it's truly we have nothing especially once we fall in love with God we don't need to be purified he's got us we're good but it's about do we love them or are we making them for back at lack of a better term church widows are we running to the the women's group or the men's are we volunteering for a thousand ministries at church we're making up for the lack of spiritual intimacy in our marriage by running off to church if that needs fulfilled instead of saying what's my vocation is to love God first and then this person before the church ministry before my women's group before and so we love more when we look for the good and we if you have to write it down write down everything you ever loved about your spouse and make sure you're saying it and make sure you're doing those little things and make sure they know that this new love is all about having a transformed heart because God trans it's true it the interesting thing that God told me once in prayer when I was complaining about my husband and I said why is it always me Lord he said because you're the believer you're the believer and so we have to love more right and it's not to say we're not loving but maybe we just learned how to love is Jesus loved and this book helps dads do that with their children it is the bead attitudes eight ways to be an awesome dad available for you out there at EWTN our c.com go buy a copy for yourself and all your friends we're gonna see you soon god bless you bye bye now [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] hello I'm Deccan Herald Bert shivers of the Archdiocese of Portland in Oregon and today on faith matters I'd like to speak with you about praying with your spouse now often couples fall away from certain practices in their faith that they did when they were first married you know often I have couples that come to see me at the parish many of them not even parishioners who will come in and they'll want to talk to me about what's going on in their marriage and so they'll be sitting there on the couch and I'll be listening to them go back and forth and you know I'll interject and I'll say excuse me let me ask you guys a question when's the last time you prayed together and they look at each other like well what do you mean I said well when's the last time you prayed together I don't mean meal prayers I mean sat down in a room together look at each other held each other's hands or or just pray together to God you are one flesh aren't you they said well okay well I said well you know what if your answer is my wedding day that's why you're here often people find it difficult to pray with their spouse because it's uncomfortable or because they feel their prayer styles are very different that was a case for my wife and I I mean I have a Benedictine background so I love structured prayer with ribbons and books and Latin and that kind of thing my wife likes more free flow from the heart you know extemporaneous prayer and you know never the twain shall meet so so what do we do we keep it really simple when I get up in the morning I say bye quick morning prayers I get out of bed Lord thank you for allowing me to see the light of another day so that I may give honor praise and glory to your most holy name and then I say Lord Jesus Christ son of the Living God have mercy on me a sinner I say that three times and then I go back into bed and I hold my wife and I say something simple Lord thank you for the gift of my wife thank you for our 20-plus years together thank you for the great gift of our beautiful children lord help me to be the husband and the father that I need to be for them today amen and then my wife says something back to me and then I start my day now how long did that take a minute minute and a half there are a hundred as

Channel: EWTN

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Length: 58min 24sec (3504 seconds)

Published: Fri Feb 02 2018