Why you're stuck in learning English - what I had to believe in to be successful at speaking English

if you're wondering why you're stuck in learning English while there are so many people around you who you see speaking English confidently why is it that only a small proportion of English Learners get to an advanced or proficient level in their fluency and how is it that so many people around the world spent 8 10 12 years studying English a bunch of grammar rules memorizing vocabulary they might even understand basic English yet they can't speak in full sentences and miss out on a ton of life and job opportunities because of their lack of fluency in this video besides getting a real answer to why you're stuck in learning English you'll be hearing about the one tiny yet incredibly impactful thing that I needed to change to see faster progress with my fluency and why after so many years of studying English grammar and memorizing vocabulary and preparing for all the classes and doing all the homework I still wasn't able to speak English confidently and how overcoming this with that one small shift allowed me to live in four different countries travel to 39 countries and run my own language coaching company where I'm teaching other ambitious professionals and content creators and business owners to build their confidence and to those of you who patiently watch this video till the end I'm going to give you some of my best strategies that my paid student use to build their confidence so in the next 2 3 months you will look at your own fluency and Confidence from a completely different perspective and your relationship with English how you look at improving your English will be at a totally different place for the longest time up until the age of around 17 I thought my English wasn't good enough and if you ever think the same way I'm going to tell you right now that you're telling yourself the biggest lie that could hold you back for years from improving your fluency and gaining confidence your English is always always always good enough full stop period and keeping on believing that it isn't and not doing anything about changing this belief could be the reason why you're stuck in learning English and by the end of this video you'll probably see why star to believe this has the potential to change your life as well I was born and bird in Hungary until the age of 22 when I eventually made that tough decision and left to start my life in England and I kept hearing from my grandparents my parents oh we're never going to catch up with the West the Germans have it so much better oh in America people live on the lap of luxury so I grew up thinking that I'm on nobody that I will never amount to anything just because of the place I was born in and I was n really proud of my country and you will see why this is so important I was passionate about learning English and I was one of the top English Learners in high school but I was also ashamed of the way I was speaking when I was watching those series that went around uh in about what 2005 like prison break or Ghost Whisperer Grace Anatomy How I Met Your Mother oh and lost I almost forgot one of the best series ever created before Game of Thrones and I kept thinking well I would will never be able to speak as fast and as well as Jack I spent so much of my free time studying I used my pocket money that I earned from tutoring others working after high school on textbooks so I can improve my vocabulary study more grammar and I knew almost all the rules of the English language at least until like advanced level by the time I was in 11th grade I even started reading I bought the original Jungle Books which I highly recommend not starting with if you're starting to improve your reading skills rule number one of improving your reading skills never start with Classics I thoroughly enjoyed the story but I had to stop in every single paragraph looking up a few words half of which we don't even use anymore in the 21 century despite all these efforts when it came to a classroom discussion anytime we had like exchange students coming over to our high school I wasn't able to speak I stayed silent and it was embarrassing because my class knew that I was good at English so they expected me to speak but I just didn't have the courage to speak in front of them I got bullied so many times in school about being too smart I needed to study a lot because for me studying and education was the only way I was able to break out of the work in class that I was born into and my parents kept encouraging me to keep studying keep studying some of them even laughed anytime I raised my hand because I knew the answer to the teacher's question they also bullied me for being way too feminine spending more time with girls in our classroom than boys not wanting to play football with them all the time preferring to read books in my breaks so I didn't want to give them another chance to make fun of me or laugh at me when I end up making a mistake or mispronouncing a word and I talk about this and a lot of other things that help me build my confidence in speaking English in my free ebook so if you're an ambitious professional an entrepreneur a content creator who wants to improve your career or life opportunities and the only thing you really need is to gain confidence in speaking English get the step-by-step method that helped hundreds of professionals like you build their confidence speak English confidently and communicate effectively by clicking on the first link in the description you see in all these experiences questioning my ability to even put sentences together before it even happened worrying about making mistakes or feeling ashamed of my accent I still felt like my English wasn't good enough and if you find yourself spending quite a lot of time studying grammar watching all the grammar vocabulary videos and YouTube scrolling on social media for more idioms phraser verbs practicing on all kinds of apps you still find it difficult to articulate yourself you might not even speak to yourself or record yourself speaking because you just can't stand the fact that you are going to make mistakes might still be frustrated about taking pauses so you can think because you keep having to translate from your native language when you express yourself and every time you make a mistake you kind of cringe you feel like you've done something wrong and and despite all the efforts you make and all the hours that you invest in studying and memorizing all that vocabulary your fluency hasn't improved over the last 6 to 12 months you probably subconsciously still believe that your English isn't good enough which is why taking action on what I'm sharing with you in this video so you can start feeling like your English is good enough is so incredibly important because you are incredible you are talented you are amazing and you can do anything in life you can become anything you can achieve anything as long as you believe that you are enough anytime you have those thoughts that your mistakes are bad well when you make mistakes you eventually learn how not to make those mistakes when you take time to put a sentence together it actually helps you to get better at constructing a sentence the next time you say something and when you mispronounce a word or you don't know how to say something of course you don't know because you're learning a second language so when your brain gives you signals that make you feel like you are incapable you're not incapable you're just inexperienced there thoughts that you tell yourself things like well I can't speak English fluently I can't say a correct sentence without making mistakes I can't articulate myself without taking time to think or I can't pronounce every word clearly we need to put a yet after them because if it's all a question of consistent effort focus and patience and you're going to get there feeling this way isn't your fault we spend years and years in school studying a lot of grammar need to study words for tests maybe do some writing or speaking practice but most of us don't really do it very seriously but whenever we make mistakes or don't translate the sentence correctly we lose points or the teacher gets angry at us none of this has ever helped any of my students over the last 17 years build their confidence because have you seen anyone who ever built confidence in speaking English because they applied all those old traditional rules that they picked up back when they were learning English in school what helps most of my students get rid of their fears of making mistake and stop worrying about get stressed about learning English within like the first month of working with us is the opposite of what we learned in school not studying the grammar rules but seeing a lot of examples of how the grammar is used processing that grammar practicing speaking using those grammar structures until they all become automatic obviously one at a time not focusing on memorizing vocabul that then we forget after taking the test but focusing on long term memory which you can hear a lot about on my channel and not being afraid of making mistakes but using mistakes as stepping stones requesting feedback on our mistakes starting to be more curious about what we keep making mistakes with so I finally get rid of them those negative thoughts in your head might be because you've been brought up by hypercritical parents like I was I mean don't get me wrong I love my parents a lot of what makes me a leader what helps me keep leading my community inside my company comes from all the lessons I learned about how to stay consistent how to be honest with myself how to be responsible for my life but despite being a topof the class student for the 13 years I spent in traditional education they very rarely praised me and said I'm so proud of you son or you an amazing person it took me a long time to work on and realize but the way your parents spoke to you or the way your parents treated you has got nothing to do with how amazing and valuable you are so when you keep repeating those thoughts that keep telling you that you are going to make mistakes that you're going to mess up you're going to embarrass yourself you can start working on those thoughts and think well what if it's okay to make mistakes what if it's okay to mess up a sentence what if it's okay to take time and put my thoughts together in a sentence when I'm still a beginner and intermediate level in English instead of living every single day with the sentences that your parents or your teachers or your classmates put into your mind as if you've been consuming a lot of English content like English vocabulary English grammar explanations pronunciation videos on social media and particularly on YouTube shorts Instagram reals or Tik toks this is partly why I say if you want peace and you want to protect your mental health and you want to make progress build your confidence stay away from social media as much as you can you might constantly get content that tells you that you're making mistakes and it's bad and you should be using something more advanced or complex because saying words like small or big or very are way too basic constantly compare your level of English who still learning a language to a native speaker level presenting you with vocabulary that native speakers might use but forget to mention that native speakers might also use basic ways of expressing themselves because of conversation isn't about expressing yourself in the most complex way using all the advanced recy possible and pramming three idioms into one sentence to make it even more complex a conversation is about simplicity and Clarity I mean do you always express yourself in the most complex ways when you speak your native language if you keep comparing your level of English to a native speakers level of English who had decades and Decades of practicing communicating with all kinds of people learning lots of vocabulary in their language Community you're always going to sign up for failure and keeping on believing that your English isn't good enough keeping wondering why you're stuck in learning English instead of focusing on well I may not be as good as a native speaker but I can be better than yesterday take action speak to myself have a conversation express myself in all kinds of different ways write a paragraph record myself for two minutes talking about whatever topic I need to get better at and feel like you're making progress always remember never to compare your level of English with anyone else's level of English because how do you know how they got there how do you know what resources they had what support they asked for what courage they took to get to that level fluency there's always going to be people who speak English better than you there's always going to be people who speak worse than you the question is not how good or bad you are at English the question is what you can do today not studying more grammar or memorizing what you can do today about your fluency so you get 1% better the thing about beliefs and the reason why watching video after video and consuming content after content and reading on information and strategies doesn't work is because these beliefs are subconscious this is the reason I became a coach because I know how much more helping my students change the beliefs they have about themselves providing them with resources of community lots of trainings and practices will eventually help them see the progress they actually want to see with their fluency and confidence in speaking English you don't walk around thinking well my English isn't good enough this belief is reflected in the choices you make the actions you take take and the habits you build and maintain and it could be things like feeling horrible about yourself whenever you speak to someone whose English is better than yours not making a regular habit out of having conversations with other people at your current level so you can improve your communication skills your speaking skills your fluency because you say it's difficult when you can eventually get better and then it's not going to be difficult hiding or avoiding making mistakes so you end up repeating the same sentences and making the same mistakes over and over again at a basic level never seeing your fluency improve bad news about subconscious beliefs and in this video I talk in much more detail about why addressing your subconscious beliefs is super important for you to gain confidence and eventually get all those opportunities in life that you really really want to take that they dictate 90% of your daily habits and actions the habits and actions you take because of those beliefs will eventually lead to certain results or no results the good news is and I'm a testimony to that looking back in the last 15 years and see how much my life has completely transformed you can absolutely change any of your subconscious beliefs now look at this cute beautiful baby would you ever tell this baby the moment after he's born that he will only be successful if he never makes mistakes when he speaks a foreign language that he will only be cool if he speaks English like a NY speaker that he will only be cool if he never struggles to put a sentence together of course you wouldn't you would think that the baby is valuable no matter what no matter how many mistakes they make no matter how many times they struggle to put a sentence together no matter how many difficulty they have with learning English and no matter how many words they mispronounce in a second language that they are learning can you apply the same principles when it comes to improving your fluency in English and believe that your English is always good enough for you to keep on practicing no matter what a major mistake struggling English students make is that their fear governs the decisions they make and the habits they maintain when it comes to improving their fluency and yes it's uncomfortable to take those first steps while we still construct sentences in our head we need time to kind of translate as well but the more we do that the more consistent we are the more focused we are on practicing with specific activities my students for example practice a lot within our community we can make sure we get better and better and better at that skill and yes it's scary to speak and make mistakes in front of other people while we're still scared of other people's judgment but understanding that we can make as many mistakes we can and other people can judge us as much as they want to we are going to learn from every mistake we make how not to say something again we don't end up repeating those mistakes and and then finally be able to express ourselves better because we got feedback and got rid of those mistakes now there are all sorts of tools meditations activities my students used to gain confidence every single time they triy but one of the most important Concepts I teach to everyone is self-compassion you might be too hard on yourself because there's a lot of pressure at work maybe there was a lot of pressure from home where you needed to perform a lot you needed to achieve a lot and if you don't do it perfectly you might lose your job you might lose respect with your manager your parents so you w yourself only when things go perfectly but in reality especially with something messy unplanned random like a language which is never perfect I mean we don't even speak our native language perfectly it's important for us not to reward ourselves when things go perfectly but to reward ourselves when we actually take some action being super Critical with your and placing these unrealistic expectations on yourself that you can never meet you can never expect to exceed because you're only willing to do things when you speak perfectly when you understand everyone when you remember all the words which never happens to anyone on this entire planet and this is coming from someone who was super super self-critical with myself until I was like 26 years old is never going to help you achieve the fluency you want instead whenever you you have those thoughts telling you that you're going to embarrass yourself that you're going to make mistakes place your hands on your heart and say I can do this despite my fear living in self-compassion and say this is the fluency I currently have it's the fluency I've achieved based on the choices I've made in the past the only way for me to step outside my comfort zone and break through these insecurities is if I focus on taking that one step outside my comfort zone being okay with however nervous confused frustrated scared I feel I can teach myself that despite my beliefs about my English not being good enough I can feel safe even if I make mistakes even if I mess up a sentence even if I take time and construct a sentence or mispronounce a word because I'm just learning a second language everybody has negative thoughts everybody keeps doubting themselves I was even doubting myself about posting this video just like the one before when I talked about this in that video as well but the reason you are stuck with learning English is because you choose to listen to those negative thoughts instead of saying well I may not be able to speak perfectly but I can take this action do something for half an hour an hour in front of other people using the grammar and vocabulary I already know and aim at a one% Improvement instead of zero Improvement for months and months and months because of my perfectionism the simple thing confident English speakers do when they have those negative thoughts that tell them that they're going to mess up that they're going to make mistakes that they're going to mispronounce words that people are going to judge them is say it's time to prove myself wrong because as long as you practice in a safe space where nobody judges you as long as you get the feedback and the support so you can focus on doing activities that actually help you improve there is no reason for you to worry if you are serious about learning English it's self-compassion not to waste hours and hours scrolling on social media watching videos memorizing vocabulary or studying grammar rules just because you don't know how to put sentences together when you can always find conversation topics things to talk about vocabulary to practice speaking with at your own level aiming at that 1% Improvement self-compassion not to wait too long before you actually start building up your confidence and work on conversation skills not just like the majority of people who miss out on a ton of job opportunities or cannot get the opportunity to live in another country or might fail exams because of their fears not actively working on their fluency starting where they are because they believe that their English isn't good enough it's self-compassion to make time to create habits and do something that's just a tiny bit uncomfortable that makes you feel a bit nervous frustrated confused or scared because because you want to feel proud of yourself after having done whatever felt uncomfortable you're not just going to feel proud of yourself for having done what you couldn't do before but you also be able to find the motivation to keep going because motivation comes after would take some action plus you're going to get one step closer to your fluency and your goals with learning to speak English fluently getting that better job increasing the opportunities you have in life and potentially moving to another country or opening your business to International clients as well the only question every effective English Communicator I've ever taught ask themselves every single day wasn't oh my God what can I avoid today so I can stay safe and I can play it small but what is one way a small thing I can do today to prove myself wrong when I believe that my English isn't good enough what is one small thing I can do every single day that challenges me that speaks against this belief so I can slowly step by step prove to myself that my English is indeed good enough what's your answer to this question let me know in the comments and also what did you think about this video and hope to see you in another video with lots of tips encouragement strategies and everything else I learned about how to build my confidence because I started believing that my English was good enough

Channel: Csabi Berger English Coach

Views: 974

Keywords: stuck in learning English, learning English, English learning, English learning tips, English learning coach, English fluency coach, English fluency, English fluency coaching, English communication skills, English for professionals, English class, learn in school, English coaching, how to speak English fluently, speak English fluently, how to speak English confidently, speak English confidently, English speaking, English speaking skills, speak English, speaking English

Id: eondS_h-0_g

Length: 22min 24sec (1344 seconds)

Published: Sat Jul 06 2024