My students are often surprised when I
tell them that speaking with clarity, fluency and confidence did
not come easily for me. Yes, I'm a native English speaker and yes, I am an English teacher with more
than 25 years of experience and my expertise is in gaining fluency, but that doesn't mean those
skills came naturally to me, not in my second language and not
in English. Have you ever thought, I am just too shy to
speak with confidence, or I can never be confident
like somebody else? Or maybe you've listened to someone else
and thought, oh, she speaks so fast, she's so fluent. Why can't I
do that? Or if I slow down, I'll sound less fluent. My coworkers
will be bored. I have to speak faster. They must think I'm foolish or silly
for forgetting the word I wanted to use and getting stuck. It was so simple. I have had all of those thoughts
in my second language and in English, but then I discovered
that all of those beliefs, those things I was
telling myself were myths. A myth is a false belief. When I discovered what is true, it completely changed my mindset.
It changed my approach to learning, my motivation to practice and my
ability to make progress in my speaking. Most importantly,
it gave me confidence, the confidence to keep going. This is true in my second language
and in my native language, English as well. In this lesson today, I want to help you become a Confident
English speaker by addressing what is myth versus reality and giving you
practical action steps you can take to make progress in your
English confidence and fluency. But quickly, if this is your first
time here, welcome. I'm Annemarie, an English confidence and fluency coach. Everything I do is designed to help you
get the confidence you want for your life and work in English. If you'd love to get more free
resources and lessons from me, including years of my weekly
Confident English lessons, you can find them all at
my Speak Confident English
website. While you're there, make sure you download my in-depth, How to Get the Confidence to
Say What You Want, training. This is a step-by-step training where
I share with you my number one strategy for fluency and confidence
building. Now for this lesson today, there are five common myths about
fluency and confidence that I want to address and I want to highlight
what is true so that you can make progress and move forward because
when we believe in myths false beliefs, they stop us from making progress
and it doesn't have to be that way. So by understanding what is true
and having practical action steps, you can move forward. Here are the five
myths we're going to talk about today. Number one, some people are
naturally confident speakers. Number two, fluent English
is always fast English. Number three, confident speakers
never need to seek clarification. Number four, confident speakers never experience
setbacks and they don't really make mistakes. And number five, you
either have confidence or you don't. So myth number one, some people
are naturally confident speakers. This is a myth I believed for
years because my husband is an extrovert who seems to feel totally
comfortable speaking with anyone, and he always appears confident this
is true in English and in his second language. It used to make me so jealous, but it doesn't anymore. Like me, you might believe that some
people like extroverts are naturally confident when
they speak because of some
of their personality traits. Extroverts are often described as
individuals who are outgoing, energetic, and conversational, and
because of that myth, there might be another myth
which is that introverts can't be confident when
they're speaking with others. Introverts are often associated with
personality traits such as being shy, reserved, and withdrawn, but
that isn't always the case. There are plenty of introverts who
love being around people and feel very comfortable in some contexts. The difference is introverts
prefer to think before they speak, whereas extroverts think
by speaking out loud. Furthermore, the reality is introverts
can absolutely be fully confident, fully fluent, and speak with exceptional
clarity in any situation. I know that's true because I am
highly shy and highly introverted, and I work with many students from
around the world who similarly in their native and non-native
languages are shy and introverted, and yet they develop the same skills. I want to help you develop in having
clarity, fluency, and confidence, so here's a practical approach
to help you speak with confidence no matter what the situation might be. Use your natural skills as an
introvert to your advantage. Now, you might not be an introvert
in your native language. That might not be your
true personality. However, you might be experiencing some
of that in English due to anxiety when you want to speak, and the
advice that I'm going to share, it applies in both contexts. The natural ability here is
to take advantage of thinking before you speak, by giving yourself time or taking
advantage of the time you have, you're able to organize your thoughts
and be more prepared to share them with others, to share
them with confidence. This is a skill used by all
powerful public speakers, including many who are introverts. Now, here's how you can practice this in
real life when you can and if you can always take time to prepare or
organize your thoughts in advance. What this means is taking time to think
through whatever discussion you're going to have, maybe put down some notes on a piece of
paper and talk through them out loud. Practice saying them out loud so that
you get comfortable with your voice and with the words that you're going to use. Doing this in advance means you're able
to express those thoughts and organize them without judgment from anyone else. You have that time to think before you
speak. This is helpful. For example, if you're preparing for a job interview
or if you are going to a meeting of some kind, and you know what the topic
of discussion will be in advance, whether it's a business
meeting, a volunteer meeting, or a book club discussion. Now if
it's in the middle of a conversation, you can also pause briefly in
order to take advantage of those little moments in time to
organize your next thought. Don't try to plan the next 20
minutes of what you want to say. Just plan the next thought and then
the next one and the next one and the next one. This approach encourages
you to embrace little pauses while you speak, moments
that allow you to breathe, moments that allow you to organize
that next idea and it takes the pressure off. Now, if you are worried that using a pause
while you speak so that you have that time to think, you can use a phrase to
buy yourself some time. For example, just give me a moment to think or
can you come back to me in a moment? I just need a moment to
think about this right now, you might be thinking two
things. Number one, Annemarie, we don't always have time
to prepare, and number two, I'm not sure pauses are going to help me. They're going to make me speak too slowly. I'm going to talk about both of
those. Number one, you're right, we don't always have time to prepare, but we have more
opportunities than you think, and when you practice speaking regularly, including moments when you are
simply practicing to prepare, it helps you become a better
spontaneous speaker as well. I have a particular method that I love
to use with my students to help them in this process so that they're able
to gain increased confidence and fluency in their speaking. If you'd
love to get that in-depth training, you can find it at my Speak
Confident English website. It's called How to Get the Confidence
to Say What You Want in English. I'll share a link to it
down below this video, and now let's talk about that second
fear that pauses are going to make you sound slow. This brings
me to myth number two. Fluent speakers are always
fast speakers without a doubt. This is a common misconception
and unfortunately it's perpetuated by English speaking TV
shows and sitcoms where someone might speak unnaturally fast for
dramatic or comedic effect. And yes, there are many English speakers
who speak extremely fast that doesn't make them good
communicators. In fact, they may speak so quickly that
fellow native English speakers don't really understand everything they
say. Let me say all of that again. Yes, some English speakers
do speak really fast, but that doesn't make them
effective communicators. In fact, some other Native English speakers might
not understand anything that they say, Ooh, that's really hard for me to do, and did it sound clear,
confident and fluent to you? It definitely sounded fast,
but was it good communication? No. The reality is
fluency is about smooth, natural, clear communication
with you in control. When I was speaking super
fast just a moment ago, I did not feel like I was in control. My brain was chaotic and I knew that
I was probably making some mistakes while I was speaking, but I couldn't catch them and I couldn't
prevent them because I wasn't giving myself any time to organize my
thoughts and be careful about what I wanted to say. Again,
fluency is about smooth, natural, clear communication
with you in control. So what is some practical advice you can
follow to make progress in this area? Aim for clarity over speed. When you speak as I demonstrated, speaking quickly isn't the
same as speaking clearly. To improve your clarity
and overall fluency, aim to use little pauses
while you're speaking. If you listen to me carefully,
you'll notice I use them quite a bit. I use them in between sentences.
If I have a long sentence, I might use them in between groups
of words or a single thought. I'll also use them before
and after words that I really want to highlight. Every time
I make one of those pauses, it's giving me a few things.
It's giving me time to breathe, which is super important. It also
helps to maintain a sense of calm, so I think more clearly it
allows me to think briefly about the next thing that I want to
say, whether it's the right word, the right grammar structure
or the right pronunciation. This is true in my native language
and in my second language. Lastly, it brings clarity
to my speech. It is smooth, it's natural sounding, and it's
clear for you to understand. That's important. If you and I are going to
have a conversation or if
I want to share something important with you in this lesson, I need to make sure that my speech
is easy for others to understand. If I speak too fast all the time, you're going to miss all
of the important details. I'm not going to be able to breathe and
I'm gonna lose my focus very quickly. I'll also make a ton of mistakes.
Now, if you're not sure about this, I've got a challenge for you. I also want you to go watch
a skilled public speaker. It could be someone you admire on
a podcast or a Ted Talk speaker, and once again, you'll notice that skilled
communicators embrace using these pauses. If you'd like to learn a little bit
more about how to use the power of the pause, I've got a lesson for you
titled Speak So Others Listen, and if you'd love to learn and
practice using pauses with me, definitely check out My
Fluency School program. Myth number three is confident
speakers never seek clarification. In fact, you might worry that by asking
others to clarify what they've said, it's showing some sign of
weakness or lack of confidence. However, the opposite is true. Confident speakers don't hesitate
to ask for clarification. In fact, it shows that they are fully
engaged in the conversation and committed to understanding. This is also a sign of active
listening in English speaking culture. Some practical steps you can take here
is to practice asking for clarification. Do it in conversations with people
you feel comfortable with so that you feel comfortable using
specific phrases and questions As you get comfortable with them, you're more likely to use them
in context when you truly need to understand or get
clarification on what was said. Some phrases I love to use when I need
to seek clarification might be helpful to you as well. Number one,
sorry, I didn't quite catch that. Would you mind repeating
what you said? Number two, I'm not sure I'm following you. Could you explain what you mean by or
could you give me an example of what you mean by that? And number three,
would you mind saying that again? I want to make sure I've understood
perfectly whether you're listening to someone give you instructions at work, having a discussion on a family matter
or debating a topic with someone. All of these phrases are appropriate to
use when you need to get clarification, and if you'd love to get more examples, I have a full lesson on this titled
13 Ways to Clarify When You Don't Understand, I'll leave a link to
that in the notes below the video. And now myth number four, confident speakers don't have setbacks. They don't make mistakes and they
don't fumble over their words. Oh my goodness, this one is definitely a myth
because I know that I fumble over my words, make mistakes, lose my
train of thought all the time. My team can tell you that's true. My
students can tell you that's true. When we're in spontaneous conversations, our brain doesn't always communicate
to our mouth and we can't always say exactly what we wanted to say
in the moment. We forget things, we trip or fumble or lose
control over our words. Our mind goes blank, we lose our
train of thought. These things happen. They happen to everyone, even
the most skilled communicators. Now, when you practice consistently, you can prevent that from
happening more often. You can maintain better
control when you're speaking, and you can learn to regain control
in those moments when you feel like you've totally lost what
you wanted to say. In fact, I had to do that recently inside
my Confident Women Community, I was sharing an update on
how to use a progress journal, and while I was speaking, I
forgot the word journal. Journal, this is such an easy word,
but my mind went blank. I couldn't remember the word journal
to describe this progress journal. So for a brief moment, I
felt a little bit of panic. I felt silly and embarrassed, but then I used the skills. I know I have to regain control.
First, I took a deep breath. I just tried to calm down. Then I tried to find an alternative
word that I could use to describe this document, and in the process while I was
explaining it in another way, the word came to me that happened
because I stopped panicking. I just calmed down and
found a way to move forward. This is a skill that you
can develop with practice, and more importantly, confidence comes from the knowledge
and the ability to overcome setbacks. So here's some practical advice, practice speaking where it is safe to
make those mistakes and it's safe for you to practice using skills that
help you overcome those mistakes. As a perfectionist and as an introvert, I prefer to organize all
the details in my mind, have everything ready to go, and I want to feel prepared
when it's time for me to speak. I don't like making mistakes
and I don't like the advice that I should just go practice with
anybody and not worry about mistakes. The truth is I do worry about them
and I don't want to make them, but they do happen. They always will, and it's perfectly natural
to feel annoyed, frustrated, maybe even silly or
embarrassed. When they do, when mistakes happen in
the moment of speaking, the best thing that you
can do is pause briefly, take a deep breath to calm
down and regain control. Give your brain that
moment of time to speak, and you can either correct the
mistake or move past it. For example, you can go back and you
can clarify if necessary. You can do that using a
sentence starter such as, oh, what I meant to say was Another
option is to apologize for the mistake if necessary and correct it.
For example, oh, I'm sorry, what I meant to say was, or,
oh, I'm sorry. I wanted to say, and then continue. If you're comfortable, you could even make a joke out of
the situation. For example, sorry, I think I had too much coffee
this morning. If it's a
more casual circumstance, you can simply say, oh, sorry, I
made a mistake. I meant to say, and then insert the word
or idea you wanted to use. That's exactly what I did when
I forgot that word journal. Now, on top of all of that, there's one more
thing I said that's very important, and that is to find a
place where you feel safe. Practicing a safe place where
you can practice speaking, allow yourself to make mistakes when they
happen and learn how to overcome them. So I encourage you to find a speaking
community where you feel safe practicing with others. Perhaps there's someone that you work
with or a neighbor you have that you enjoy speaking with and you feel
safe practicing with them. Earlier I highlighted my How to Get
the Confidence to Say What You Want training, and in that training I also talk
through how you can feel more prepared and overcome making
mistakes in the moment. I also give you a practical way to
get speaking practice no matter where you live, when you practice consistently, you will reduce mistakes going
forward and you'll feel more comfortable overcoming them in the
moment when they happen. And finally, myth number five, you either
have confidence or you don't. This is a very all or nothing perspective, and it assumes that if you
don't feel confident right now, it's not possible for you to
get there, but that isn't true. Confidence is a hundred percent
absolutely no doubt about it possible for you. Every confident speaker
started at the beginning. They learned the basics
of clear communication. They practiced consistently. They observed their skills and learned
how to overcome mistakes in the moment, and they continued to practice
and practice and practice to sharpen their communication skills.
Even after gaining confidence, a confident speaker will
continue to practice because
they have the mindset that there's always an opportunity to improve, and with the right skills, with the right support structures
in place with appropriate practice, they will make those improvements.
At least this is true for me, and it's true for every
skilled communicator I know. The truth is when you listen to a
skilled public speaker or an excellent podcaster or a coworker who sounds
perfectly fluent in English, what you are hearing is
their highlight reel, not all the months and years
of preparation that got them to that moment. Confidence is nurtured and
developed over time through practice and exposure to different
situations and conversations. So here's my practical advice. Embrace the confidence building
learning cycle no matter what it might be. Learning
to play the piano, learning to play tennis training to run
a marathon, preparing for an art show, learning to draw, do ceramics. There is a natural learning process
and a natural process to gaining confidence in any skill. This confidence building
cycle is learn to inform your action, to improve your ability to
shift your self beliefs, to build your confidence, to
motivate your continued learning. Do you notice that this
confidence learning cycle
doesn't say, learn and wait. Wait for motivation, wait to feel
prepared, wait for confidence, wait for progress, and then take action. No confidence, motivation, and progress all come from taking action. This means the best thing that you
can do to gain confidence in anything including speaking English, is to take action and then do it
again and do it again and do it again. Let me give you eight recommendations
for how you can start to take action and get speaking practice
right now. Number one, download that training. I told you about the training on How to
Get the Confidence to Say What You Want in English, because with that
training, I have a bonus, a four-week speaking practice
program that will help you develop a meaningful habit and make
progress. Number two, join an English speaking community. This could be an online
speaking club or an in-person, English speaking meetup. Number three, join a club or a volunteer
organization. For example, you could join a book club in English, or as one of my Confident
Women Community members did, you can become a volunteer at a
local art gallery. Number four, find a language coach or teacher
you trust and feel comfortable with and take a speaking class with them,
whether it's online or in person. Number five, ask a coworker or neighbor to meet with
you regularly for speaking practice. This is something I did
while I was living in France. I found someone I felt comfortable with. We agreed to meet one
time a week to practice, and we spent 30 minutes of time
practicing French for me and 30 minutes of time practicing
English for her. Number six, listen to a podcast or a TED talk
in English. While you listen, write down new words or phrases that
you'd love to add to your vocabulary. When you're finished, practice summarizing out loud what you
heard in that podcast or Ted talk and review those words that you
want to include as well. Aim to include that vocabulary while
you're summarizing what you learned. Number seven, talk to yourself out loud
in English when no one is listening. This is something I love to do. I often talk to myself in French
out loud in my house when I'm alone, while cooking dinner or
when I'm driving my car. And idea number eight, join a
speaking focused organization. An organization such as Toastmasters. The most important thing is to do what
you can to take action. Start small, expand your comfort zone slowly, and work with others who will
support you and encourage you. When you do all of that, you'll
enjoy improved abilities, renewed motivation, increased confidence, and better fluency. In this lesson today, I shared with you several options
you have for taking that next step. So here's a question I have for you. What is the action step you
are committed to taking? What is one thing you can
do this week to take action in your English share with me down below? I would love to cheer you on and help
you take that next step. With that, if you found this lesson helpful to you, I would love to know and you can
tell me in a few ways. Number one, you can give this a thumbs up on YouTube. You could subscribe to the Speak Confident
English Channel so you never miss one of my weekly lessons. And number three,
you can drop a comment down below. Thank you so much for joining me, and
I look forward to seeing you next time.
