Why Your Ex Pulls Away When They Actually Love You

hey there it's clay with modernlove.life and in this video we're going to be talking about why your ex pulls away when they actually love you this can be a really interesting conundrum that people can end up in and we're gonna we're gonna talk about this um because oftentimes when your ex pulls away it can make you think that you did something wrong or that they're losing interest in you or something like that and you know sure that absolutely can be the case but it's not always what's at play here they might actually have strong feelings for you love you even and still pull away before you go ahead and get into that the reason why i said this piece of content instead of this video is because uh we're starting to upload the audio from these videos onto um a podcast platform you know you can definitely get it through um itunes i don't think they even call it itunes anymore you know the the the normal apple podcast thing or other platforms as well too in the description box for this video on youtube there will be links to the uh uh podcast thing as well you know we we we tried doing this a while before and you know some people were were downloading them and listening to them but i just didn't think it was having a lot of an impact and it just seemed like you know another thing to do and it was just you know i'm a busy guy and for some reason exporting the audio and uploading it to a website just seemed like a big deal so we're gonna do that again um i've had some people come forward that say yeah i found you on your podcast and then i found out it was just like the the audio from from your youtube videos and i'm like yeah you know a lot of times people can't listen to youtube when they're on the go and they'd rather just have a podcast or something so i'm we're going to do that again i discovered that people are finding us through that mechanism and um it makes sense to do it so anyway um back to all of this your ex may love you but still pull away why why what's going on so the first thing is they might just be confused your ex broke up with you for some reason or other and um usually when someone breaks up with someone else they have to hold a negative image of that person in their mind um they have to see you as someone who it's you know not possible for them to have a great relationship with either because the two of you are incompatible or because they you know are extremely upset about something that happened or whatever the case might be but they see you for better or worse in a negative light and maybe some of this is manufactured maybe they are just imagining some of it um maybe they're having to create some of it or maybe some of this or maybe all of it is um you know deserved on your part because of actions or things that you did in the past but either way they have this negative image of you and you know hopefully you're showing them that they're not walking back into the same relationship that they walked out of in the first place and so they're seeing some different side of you as the two of your interacting post-breakup uh so what this can actually do is it can cause your ex to pull away now why is this obviously you know they like probably these these changes and improvements you're making in your life you know they like you um working through your emotional issues they like you getting things figured out they like you taking responsibility they like you doing all these things but they're pulling away why is this it's because they're not sure what to put their trust in you know they had this image of you that was worth breaking up with and then they meet you in real life or interact with you in some way and you're this different person they're gonna naturally be a little bit confused they're gonna say what is this i thought you were this way but then it turns out you're actually that way what's what's the real one here was this just you on your best behavior is this is just you trying really hard is this maybe some weird scheme or gimmick that you picked up somewhere along the way and you're trying to do it just to win me back or is this is this actually a legit change is this a legit improvement and so they're going to naturally pull back will they try to make sense of this disconnect they're going to naturally pull back and say which is it which should i put my faith and trust in don't get me wrong they absolutely like this improved version of you you know most likely as long as they are perceiving it as an improvement um but they're just not sure which to put their trust in so when this happens you know obviously what you want to do is you want to continue to inspire the trust you want to continue to show up with consistency and to continue to build that trust with them because the more you continue to show up with consistency as your current version of yourself the more trust you're going to build with them that that's who you really are versus if you were to you know if it was just some sort of gimmick that you learned if it was just you on your best behavior if it was just you you know trying some reverse psychology mind game or something eventually the truth would show through the cracks and they'd say oh that was just a gimmick you're still that old person you're still that uh old version of you that i that i imagine when i think about why we had to break up so you know that's that's another reason why you want to make sure that you're making legitimate real changes and all of that you want to make sure that you're doing things to better your life like pushing that like button for the youtube algorithm here um or doing other things as well too like improving your communication skills improving other areas of your life trying to be kind of humorous about it but i i think i think i just have such a i don't know flat personality or dry humor or something i don't know but anyway yeah help us with the algorithm hit that thumbs up button yeah that could be one reason why your ex is pulling away the second reason that um your ex might be pulling away even if they actually love you is that they're trying to do it right you know when we care about someone when we love someone when we're really interested in someone we feel an urge to move toward them but many times we can also feel a bit of fear fear that maybe we might mess it up fear that maybe we need to say the right thing or do the right thing in order to make things happen and so they might actually pull away you know when it comes to moving things forward with you connecting with you meeting up with you uh doing whatever because they're not sure if what they're going to say right now is going to be the right thing and they're holding back saying like okay maybe if i just think this through a little bit then i'll be able to come up with the right thing to say if i wait a little bit longer then i'll be able to suggest meeting up in just the right place and have just the right plan figured out um you know this this i think is pretty common you know especially for for guys at least that's what i experienced you know back when i was single and dating is you know yeah i'd really like a girl but um i'd often kind of move a little bit slower not not not because i was intentionally you know trying to play hard to get or anything like that but because i was like oh my goodness like this is someone i really like um how can i make sure i really take her on a great date or how can i make sure i really have like the best way to respond to that text message or something like that and so i i would i would wait a little bit longer um whether or not that was the the right thing to do or not is up for debate but that was kind of my thought process and that's where a lot of people may also be when it comes to interacting with you if they really like you so just know that they might be just trying to do it right the third thing that someone might do if they you know actually love you and but might cause them to pull away is because they think that they need to play hard to get now you know you you you guys know this um there's all this advice out there on the internet that says you know you need to play hard to get you need to make him work for it whoever cares the least controls the relationship and people kind of believe this to be true because they've heard it so many times from so many different places obviously i don't believe that that is true but it's still kind of a constant noise in the world around us that that many people do pick it up and they kind of believe it's true and so they might be doing it they might be pulling back intentionally because they think it's what they have to do and they're not even knowingly doing this they're not even consciously doing this like i remember again back when i was single if i met someone and i really liked them you know we go out on a date or whatever and um after afterwards i would i would for some weird reason i don't know where i picked this up but for some weird reason i thought i needed to wait like two or three days afterwards before i contacted her again to to you know get something going again because i just thought oh you know you can't seem too too needy too desperate too interested or whatever and so um you know there's obviously little things like that but there's also like you know intense levels where this shows up like in the in the men's advice world there's a there's a whole pickup artist stuff uh in the women's advice world there's all of these things like you know play hard to get and do do all these other things and your ex might be kind of buying into some of that stuff uh i don't agree with it i think that we have better relationships and better connections when we can actually just be real be human be authentic with one another but there are enough people out there that that have not come around to this way of thinking and for better or worse they just believe they need to play some sort of mind game not that they're intentionally trying to manipulate you like they're like yes i'm gonna use reverse psychology to force you into my web of deception most likely that's not where they are most likely they're just like wow i really like you but um you know i really want to make sure i do this right and i read on the internet that in order to you know make a man interested in you you have to seem distant and aloof and make him work for you or something like that and so that might be what your ex is doing potentially that might be why they're pulling away if they if they really like you the fourth reason why your ex might pull away when they really actually love you is that it's getting real and they're working up the courage to make a big move you know i've talked about this before in our uh video and our content on um the five stages your ex goes through uh when getting back together with you if you're watching this on youtube then we're going to put a video card right up there for our five stages of getting back together uh video go ahead and click on that if you want to um it's been really helpful for a lot of people but you know in the early stages when your ex is at wall of reactance test drive or even riding the dragon interacting with you is kind of a hypothetical intellectual exercise it's like what would it be like to talk to my ex again what would it be like if we met up again would it be weird would it be cool would it be romantic would it be uncomfortable what would it be like would i have feelings for them would they have feelings for me i don't know um but once you actually start to get to the crisis point then it stops being this intellectual exercise and it starts being kind of real you know they recognize you know this i have real feelings for you what am i going to do about it you know here i am i'm maybe maybe i'm in a rebound relationship maybe i am um you know maybe i told all my friends and family that we broke up and that was hard you know am i really ready to make it real by telling all my friends and family that hey we're dating again or am i really ready to make it real by breaking up with the rebound you know i don't want to look foolish by doing all these things and then having things between me and you kind of fizzle out and fade for whatever reason so i'm going to hold back so they could be kind of pulling back a bit because it's getting real it's causing them to feel uncomfortable they're starting to actually have to confront the real practicalities of what it might mean to actually have feelings for you and um they may be kind of creating that space to either you know put off making that uncomfortable decision or maybe as they they're thinking like okay i just need to like work up the courage yeah you know it's a really hard week this week maybe i'll wait until the weekend and then i'll finally tell some folks or whatever um but that's that's another reason they could be doing that the fifth reason that your ex may pull away when they actually love you is because they may not actually know how you feel um i know that there are a lot of people out there probably think okay yeah my ex obviously knows that i want to get back together they obviously know that i love them but that's not necessarily always the case your ex is just a human being like you are they have their own doubts they have their own fears they have their own insecurities anxieties and all of that and just like anyone else they don't want to necessarily put it all out there and risk looking foolish if it's like you know yeah i totally love you and then you just turn to them and say whoa like what's going on you broke up with me and you're trying to tell me you love me like i i just want to be friends with you i think we should just be friends i have no feelings for you it's just platonic or whatever like they don't want to they don't want to risk that and so that's why one of the things that we talk about in you know many of our courses and programs and coaching and things is being transparent being vulnerable again we've kind of talked about this a bit with the playing hard to get and the mind games and everything but um being vulnerable and being transparent actually creates a lot more bonding than a lot of these manipulative tactics because it allows someone to actually see who you are and for them to actually know where you're at you know like what if what if you um what if you wanted to be in a relationship with someone and you thought you needed to do all these mind game reverse psychology things and you had to pretend to be someone you weren't you had to pretend like you weren't interested in them and then things between you and that person didn't materialize and you had to live the rest of your life knowing that you didn't give it 100 you didn't give it your all you weren't genuine with them you weren't straightforward with them you weren't honest with them you'd probably feel a little bit of regret if you are willing to take a chance if you're willing to open up in a positive way in a good way you know obviously don't just do the whole usual thing that a lot of people do right after a breakup where they you know pour their heart out beg and plead call text a million times and all that but if you do it in a positive way where it's genuine they'll know where you're at and then they can make a real decision like yeah am i willing to be honest with you am i willing to come forward and admit to you i love you and they're gonna know what they're getting into so it's actually a strength to be vulnerable it's actually a strength to be honest it's actually a strength to come right out and uh and to share a lot of this stuff if you're doing it the right way if you do want to learn how to do that we have our course called the x solution program over at modernlove.life slash esp that's modernlove.life it's it's not the dot-com you know i looked into buying modernlove.com but it turned out it was like fifteen thousand dollars to buy it from whoever owns it so uh i'm not gonna be buying that anytime soon maybe someday dot life for now modernlove.life slash e as an x s as in solution p as in program but modernweb.life esp and we talk about advanced relational skills in there in terms of you know how to bring yourself to the interaction in a genuine authentic way where you can express desire you can express all of these sorts of things in a way that's actually received well as opposed to being a turn off and you know whether or not things work out between you and your ex you'll be able to embody these advanced relational skills and know that hey i gave it my all i gave it 100 and i can look back at the end of my life knowing i wasn't just playing you know kind of muted kind of muffled pretending to be someone i wasn't and they never actually got a chance to see who i really am um and if that's something you want to uh learn more about check out modernlove.life esp um but yeah thanks so much once again hit that thumbs up button i'm sure it helps your ex when they pull back emotionally maybe i'm sure it doesn't hurt anyway anyway um yeah thanks so much subscribe all that good stuff leave a comment it helps us out all the engagement anyway thanks so much please take care and i'll talk to you next time

Channel: Clay Andrews

Views: 58,590

Keywords: Why Your Ex Pulls Away When They Actually Love You, Why Your Ex Pulls Away, ex pulls away, ex pulls away again, what to do when ex pulls away, get your ex back, how to get your ex back, is your ex pulling away from you, ex, love, ex back, ex boyfriend, ex girlfriend, ex solution program, love advice, hot and cold behavior from ex, how to get my ex back, breakups, dating, hot and cold behavior, no contact rule

Id: ca-zz-Ab79M

Length: 15min 57sec (957 seconds)

Published: Mon Mar 29 2021