Why You'll Never Buy A House | Honest Ads

well we've been together about 84 years and we're really just looking to get out of this tiny garage before the owners realize we're down here she's the district attorney and i'm a professional dog he impersonates dogs you know just for whoever wants it and this dog is excited to get his own dog house [Music] [Music] do you enjoy getting naked without everyone watching and enjoy rain not falling directly on your head then i'm definitely going to recommend living inside are you tired of spending money every single month for all that dry hair great then allow me to give you the opportunity to spend even more money every month for the next several decades so you can own not rent four walls with a different type of wall on top come in come in come in come in come in come in my name's roger and when my punk band broke up i found a job as a real estate agent because that's the easiest way for a washed up creative to make a lot of money without having to learn any real skills i get a cut of whatever these particular four walls with a different type of wall on the top sell for the more money they spend the more money i make uh isn't that a conflict of interest we hired you to help us no no no it's okay because the seller hired a separate real estate agent who also gets paid on commission absolutely no one in this process has any reason to keep the price down except us right sure all i know is that if we don't buy a house that makes us weird failures yours i've been conditioned to believe that any other living situation is for poor people to turn into cracked den banded camps exactly home ownership is inextricably tied to achieving the american dream and also just something we made up one day that's a fridge that's for meats [Music] about a hundred years ago the government developed a plan to build millions and millions of cheap places anybody could afford some would be simple and small sure but others would be big and nice enough that any family of any wealth bracket would enjoy living there even better they wouldn't be expected to allocate over a third of their income on the privilege of not sleeping in the street like a dog okay there's nothing wrong with sleeping like a dog okay but then a lot of lobbyists and realtors and bankers shut the idea down because they knew they could make way more money by exclusively building houses nobody could actually afford see today the median house in america cost 350 000 that's more than jordan makes being a dog in a year and that's like seven years in dog years don't worry you won't pay that they'll pay twice that much and the extra money doesn't even go to the seller it goes to the bank of course that's assuming you have 20 of the total price in cash just lying around before you move in because if you don't they'll charge you even more interest year after year till you grow so old you can't even use all those stairs you bought what can i say it's expensive being poor why are all the prices so high shouldn't supply demand make sweet love and hit an equilibrium that makes sense for everyone well that's a weird way to put it but here's the funny thing about that the number of people who want houses keeps rising because people keep being born but at some point during the last few decades we just stopped building new houses we didn't run out of land so that'll happen eventually nope we actually passed special laws banning the building of small affordable houses or sticking multiple families in the same building that's because to the people who make the laws and already have houses other homes are just things they have to drive past and look at and nobody wants their scenic route into work tainted by anything so gauche as whatever a middle-class family could afford come look at this that there is dirt and other assorted nature if they're used to apartments they'll probably want to treasure and utilize every square foot of their dirt but here they're probably legally barred from doing anything with it this looks like a great place for our kids to play they'll never actually use it that's why we have included a second vacant field at the back of the house anything we can do to make the package more expensive but speaking of let's go down to the basement [Music] down there is a warn of heating and plumbing watsons you're going to have to learn how all of that works because that's your job now they also might want to take some emergency medical training classes because there may be some life-threatening mold down there that could kill their entire family or maybe there's already carbon monoxide on the main floor upstairs [Music] this is the house's unfinished top hole their parents fill their hole with participation trophies and boxes of moths they'll fill theirs with nothing because they don't actually have any possessions other than a laptop earbuds and two weeks of emergency underwear a ghost lives up there probably from the fold it's kevin in fact you should probably get this whole place looked over by ghostbusters and also a circus worth of other types of inspectors that you'll need to pay for out of pocket even if you end up not buying the house it's the only way to find out about the sixteen hundred serpents living in the walls or whether the damaged wiring and plumbing will cancel each other out when the flood puts out the flames uh can we have a day to think about it unless you act now this place will be bought up on tuesday by a billion dollar investment fund for an actual home listing website who will throw it right back up on the market at 150 percent the price so how about you just make me an offer and save us all some time here's what we got what is this you don't have any money at all do you who the hell do they think they are basically everybody born after 1975 get out of here i'll still keep contacting you every week for the rest of their life just in case they have a friend with a neighbor with an aunt who's in the market for some dirt and walls and a roof so this isn't really goodbye once again i'm roger and i don't even need a house myself i live on a boat oh they'll never get rid of me [Laughter] if they're found [Laughter] nobody's ever survived the swamp what what would you say we're looking for in a house uh a place for dogs yeah obviously uh three bathrooms no ghosts yeah no vampires uh lots of parking

Channel: Honest Ads

Views: 1,226,786

Keywords: honest ads, honest commercials, roger horton, jordan breeding, commercial parody, commercial parodies, Cracked, Cracked.com, Cracked's Honest Ads, commercial parody funny, commercial parody video, honest trailers, home buying, zillow, real estate, real estate agent, realtor, mortgage rates, mortgage, honest ad, reality tv, house hunters, HGTV, credit score to buy a house, credit score check, credit card, credit score dropped for no reason

Id: Y-i7cawhw8s

Length: 8min 59sec (539 seconds)

Published: Fri Jul 29 2022