“Kids, never underestimate
the power of destiny.” One of the underlying assumptions
of How I Met Your Mother is that Ted Mosby
is a textbook “good guy.” “Aww Ted,
you're such a good guy.” He’s basically
a gender-swapped version of the classic
starry-eyed female heroine from so many sitcoms
and romantic comedies idealistic, vulnerable,
and looking for his soulmate. “It’s like, okay,
I’m ready, where is she?” But what if this given premise
is wrong? What if instead
of being a great guy, Ted is actually
a delusional narcissist who only cares about what he wants,
no matter who he hurts? What if he’s the bad guy? “Raise your hand if earlier today
you hit on an engaged woman?” Here’s our take on why
Ted Mosby is actually the secret villain
of How I Met Your Mother. “It’s my birthday
And you're telling me I'm not the one for you?!” “I mean, the odds…
it's like you lost the lottery.” “Oh, so dating you
is like winning the lottery?!” Hi, everyone. I’m Susannah. And I’m Debra. And you’re watching The Take. Be sure to share
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your creativity. From the very first episode, How I Met Your Mother presents Ted
as a sweet, special guy who should be endeared to us
by his sensitive desire for a blissful happily ever after
with “the One”. “So, do you think you'll
ever get married?” “Well, maybe eventually... Some fall day, possibly in central park.” But over time,
Ted’s romantic ideas come to appear more like
narcissistic delusions which he projects
onto a series of unlucky women who get caught up
in his path of destruction. “Look obviously,
You can’t tell a woman You just met you love her,
but it sucks that you can’t.” When we say that Ted
is delusional in this context, we mean that
he holds false beliefs based on an incorrect
interpretation of reality. He believes that anything
he feels for another person must be real and reciprocal, because he interprets
reality as a romantic epic in which he is the protagonist. “Sometimes when you're about
to give up on your love life forever for the 17th time,
destiny intervenes.” And he refuses to allow other people’s
perspectives and emotions to factor into
his assessment of facts. “She can’t say it’s not to be. It is meant to be, and you know why? Cause I mean it to be.” We see this from
the moment in the first episode when Ted quickly decides
that Robin is his dream girl. “It was like something
from an old movie, Where the sailor sees the girl
across the crowded dance floor, turns to his buddy and says,
"see that girl? I'm gonna marry her someday." even though they just met
and his intensity makes her visibly uncomfortable. Robin’s feelings
and interpretation of reality don’t matter to Ted, except insofar as
they’re obstacles to be overcome. His desires take precedence
over the desires of others. His feelings determine the truth. “It's a great look. But you're looking at the wrong girl.” “No, I'm not.” “Yes you are.” Ted is the kind of guy
who won’t even apologize when he’s clearly wrong. “Well, at least you apologized. You apologized, didn't you?” “I'm sorry,
but I am not apologizing.” a sign that he’s
unwilling to question his perspective of events
or challenge his assumption that, because he’s inherently virtuous,
nothing he does can be that bad. “I'm exhausted from pretending
I'm not in love with her. I think that makes this okay.” “Oh, please. You just wanna get laid.” The founder of psychoanalysis,
Sigmund Freud, said that when one is wrapped up
in delusional behavior, “he becomes a madman.” And Ted’s delusions
frequently lead to behavior that makes him look
like a mad man to others. "When you love someone
you just- y-you don't stop. Ever. Even when people roll their eyes
or call you crazy! Even then,
especially then!" After his initial
failed pursuit of Robin, he’s so insistent
on bringing her as a plus-one to a wedding
that he almost breaks up the couple getting married
in the process. “Then I’m gonna kill Ted.” But when at the last minute
Robin can’t make the wedding, Ted quickly projects his romantic
delusions onto a new target, Victoria. And just like that, Ted has moved on from
the “love of his life” Robin to someone whose name
he doesn’t even know. “24 hours ago,
you were beg-begging me to bring some other girl
to my wedding now y-y-you’re over her?” The show is full of examples
where Ted acts selfishly and screws over women, while his flattering idea of himself
allows him to justify a pattern of harmful behavior. “You lied and said
you were broken up with Victoria Before you actually were
so you could try to nail Robin and you wound up losing
both girls in one night.” Take the time that he uses
a matchmaking service, only to have no matches, likely because his standards
are so absurdly specific. “There are absolutely
no women out there for you.” When it turns out
the one woman he’s compatible with has already been matched up, Ted does the obvious thing
and sneaks into her files, visits her office under false pretenses
and then uses stolen information to trick her into loving him. “Summer Breeze is
my guilty pleasure song.” “Oh, it's been stuck in my head ever since I heard it
this weekend at brunch.” “I love brunch.” Why should it matter
that she and her fiancé are looking forward to their wedding, if Ted’s dream of
“The One” is at stake? “Don't you think
it's a little impulsive for you to proposition an engaged woman
you don't even know?” “See? We're both impulsive. We're perfect for each other” There’s the episode where
he aggressively pursues, even stalks, Maggie,
the “ultimate girl next door” using his self-perception
as “the good guy who wants love” as cover for treating
a vulnerable woman just out of a relationship
like a prize to be won. “And now, a very single
and available Maggie Wilks is on her way to this very spot. I sent a cab with a female driver, so she'd have no other interaction
with a man until she got to me.” Or when he leaves
his own mother’s wedding and refuses to give a speech,
because he thinks it’s not fair that his mother is getting remarried before he’s had a chance
to have a wedding. “I have to leave.” “Wait, Ted,
what about your toast?” Ted can’t conceive of a world where his desires
aren’t validated by reality. “I think for the most part
if you’re really honest with yourself about what you want out of life,
life gives it to you” and his single-minded faith
in his fantasies makes him incredibly skillful at
explaining why all of those previously mentioned mistakes
and manipulations were in service of a
bigger “good guy” picture. “If you're looking for the word
that means caring about someone beyond all rationality and wanting them
to have everything they want, no matter how much it destroys you,
it's love!” Since his narration
is always in our ear crafting this alternate version of reality, we can easily fall into the trap
of taking his narrative as objective truth. “And as hard as
it was at the time, in the end we both
got what we wanted.” But let’s step back
to look at things from the perspectives
of some of the women in his life. “So, when you tell this story
to your friends, Could you avoid the word ‘psycho’? I'd prefer... ‘eccentric’” To Victoria, Ted is the guy
who throws away a lifetime with someone he loves, to stay friends with a woman
he once cheated on her with. “I really hope you get her someday.” To Royce, he’s the guy
who expects his “baggage” to be accepted without reservation “It feels so good to have told you
all that stuff about me. I'm really glad
I can open up to you.” but immediately rejects her
when she opens up about her own imperfections. “Yeah, you gotta go.” To Stella, he’s the guy
who practically forces her into a relationship, complains that things
aren’t moving fast enough, and then breaks up with her
when she moves faster. “She invited you to a wedding?” “Six months from now. As in, we’ll be together
six months from now.” After then proposing to her
out of the blue, he invites both of their exes
to the wedding without consulting her. Essentially pushing her back into the arms of her
child’s father, Tony, and later reappears in her life
to badmouth her so badly that Tony temporarily
breaks up with her, while Ted refuses
to help fix the mess he caused. “I love him.” “Oh, you love him? So what? y-y-you're appealing
to the romantic in me?” When Tony makes a movie
about their love triangle, Ted is outraged to see himself
portrayed as the villain and Tony as the hero because for once he’s lost control
of the narrative. “This is a terrible movie! And it got everything wrong!” Ted only feels better
after Marshall reassures him of the fundamental belief
that holds his universe together: “A guy called Ted Mosby. A guy who’s uncynical and sincere. I believe that deep down,
you're still that guy.” “I am still that guy.” Then there’s Robin. From her perspective,
she’s a young journalist who moved to New York
to follow her professional dreams and happens to meet a cute guy
at a bar one night. They have a nice date,
but before they can head upstairs she has to run out to cover a story. Surely she can see this guy
some other time. Except, in this case, the guy shows back up
later that night. But before they can start making out,
he drops a bomb on her. “I think I’m in love with you.” “What?” This is a major red flag. And after all that, she has to wake up the next morning
and find her doormat covered in vomit. For Robin,
this isn’t a huge deal. She went out with a guy, it got a little weird,
she can move on. But then, she runs
into Ted’s friends at the bar and admits to Lily
that while she likes Ted, she’s looking for something casual. “He's just looking for something a little bit
more serious than I am. I mean the most I can handle right now
is something casual. This just stays between us, right?” Next thing she knows,
Ted is “casually” three days in a row inviting her
to his seventy-two-hour party. “I wish your party was tonight”
“It is. The party’s tonight.” She’s new in town
and wants to meet people so she shows up on the third night, only to find that Ted
constructed these parties just for her. “I didn’t throw this party
to set you up with Carlos, or the one before that...” Robin should probably
get the hell away from this guy at this point,
but, she likes his friends and doesn’t know
many folks in the city. “I just haven't met
a lot of good people so far.” so she continues
hanging out with the gang and she and Ted
transition into friends. Eventually, Robin does
start having feelings for Ted, so she gives him a chance
and agrees to accompany him to a friend’s wedding. “Do you want to be my date?” “Your date?” “I'd love to.” But when she shows up late
because of a work conflict, she sees that Ted
has already re-focused his romantic energy on
a woman that he just met. Despite being hurt,
Robin tries to be a supportive friend about Ted’s new relationship, waiting until it seems like
his long-distance relationship has ended to make a move. “We broke up.” Except this is a lie. “It was your girlfriend” So from Robin’s perspective,
Ted is someone who has emotionally pressured her
and tried to trick her into dating him,
only to leave her behind at a moment’s notice
when she doesn’t fit into his schedule, before proving he’s capable of both lying to and cheating
on women he supposedly loves. Soon she’ll learn
that he’s also the sort of guy who (not long after the
lying-cheating incident) shows up to the dinner
where she’s getting an award with a hot date
he thinks is a prostitute, just to rub it in her face. “Mary, uhh you wanna go upstairs?” And the first season’s
not even over yet! Ted breaks into Robin’s apartment
and, in front of a hired string quartet, awkwardly demands an immediate answer
about their romantic future: “I need an answer.” “If you want me to say yes right now, I-I can't do that.” Well, if it's not yes,
then it's a no.” After Robin does
start dating Ted, she has to deal with his lying about all the stuff in his apartment
that’s from his exes, “Whose moisturizer is this Ted?” “Umm... my sister’s.” demanding that she send her
beloved dogs up to her aunt’s farm, "Yes, I want you
to get rid of your dogs." shaming her for the number
of men she’s slept with. “And then there was Derek. And counting you, that puts the total up to-”
“Oh, I got your total.” and proving that he can’t
be trusted to keep her secrets. “I can't believe you
told us Robin's secret.” “Huh? How could I keep
something like that to myself?” most importantly,
they break up because Ted isn’t willing to accept Robin
for who she is. “In five years,
I probably want to be married.” “And I probably
want to be in Argentina.” “Argentina?” As much as he loves
being with Robin, he loves his vision of a
Picket-fence, two-kid future more. And that would be okay,
if he accepted that trade-off and committed to
their resulting friendship. Instead, he periodically
seizes on moments when she’s vulnerable to
profess his undying love for her. “But he couldn't look past this. I mean, who could?” “I could… I love you, Robin.” “How long have you
been hung up on Robin? Eight years?! And you're still killing yourself
to fetch dumb little trinkets for her.” and right to the end
of the series keeps trying to force her into
his idea of a happy ending, which all along she’s made
clear she doesn’t want. “Just tell me... Do you love me?” “No.” So, a lot of the time, the way Ted acts
toward the woman of his dreams... kind of sucks. “Goodnight, psycho.” [shouting] “Maybe you’ve got
more in common with Barney.” The show initially sets up
Barney and Ted as the yin and yang
of their social circle, with Barney as a reckless misogynist
and Ted as a kind-hearted romantic. But in reality, these two are more similar
than they are distinct. “Hey Barney,
I need your help, this hottie I’m talking to
is meeting her friend at a club so I need a wingman.” Throughout the series, Barney serves
as Ted’s diabolical sidekick the friendly demon in his ear,
enabling behaviors that should be antithetical
for the archetypal nice guy. [whispering] “I am not taking
a prostitute to Robin’s banquet.” “Dude, the only people that will know
are you, me, and Marshall. No one will suspect a thing.” Ted makes a performance
of distancing himself from Barney, but these half-hearted protests
never stop him from going along with Barney’s plans. “Do you think maybe you might...
need a wingman again?” “I do.” There are also numerous instances
when Ted out-Barney’s Barney. After he decides that his
bad behavior is being rewarded at a St Patrick’s Day party they attend, “Okay it’s official,
do bad things, good things happen.” he quickly ditches
their two dates outside because he hears that the girls
inside the club are “drunker,” he lies about who he is
to put champagne and caviar on someone else’s tab,
and he hooks up with a married woman. “You kissed
a married woman Ted, you committed credit card fraud,” As a professor,
He pursues a relationship with a student at his college
even when he knows it could put her scholarship
(as well as his job) at risk. classic Barney behavior. And that’s not even counting
all the times that Ted can’t even remember the names
of the women he dated. “I was dating this girl named...
oh god what was her name... for the sake of story
let’s call her...” “Everyone this is blah blah.” Mounting evidence suggests
that deep down Ted is much more like Barney
than his other best friend, honest, devoted
monogamist Marshall. “Here?” “Yeah.” “It’s the t-shirt isn’t it?” “No… a little.” “Something is seriously
wrong with you.” Barney himself sees this
resemblance between him and Ted. “See, for all your big talk
about being ready for a relationship, deep down you're single. It's your default setting.” He speaks of the “little Barney”
inside Ted controlling his behavior. “You know what's in
the back of your brain? secretly controlling
your every move?” “A little Barney.” And we actually see Ted blame
Barney for his own misdeeds “That was Barney.” “That was you, Ted.” as if on some level
he does think of this friend as an id-like inner presence
instigating his worst behaviors. “Well hello... “Sorry babe,
I gotta take this.” At points the show
even suggests that Barney is secretly
a nicer guy than Ted. “Don't sleep with Anita.” “Done.” “Tonight before dinner?” “No.” “How about you? You interested?” “Yeah.” Just consider how
each of them reacts when Lily leaves Marshall
and goes to San Francisco. Ted decides that being
a good friend to Marshall means calling Lily,
who’s also one of his best friends, a slur that’s most likely
the c-word. “You gotta get over that grinch.” “But I didn’t say grinch.” Barney on the other hand, seeing all of the pain
that Marshall is in, takes constructive action:
he goes on a secret mission to find Lily and beg her
to go back to New York. “You have to come home. You and Marshall belong together.” And to top it off,
he makes sure that no one knows
about his kind act. “Never, ever tell anyone I was here. I will deny it tooth and nail. This trip never happened.” Ted is the kind of friend
who guilts his besties into throwing parties
three nights in a row so he can potentially
seduce a girl, not caring that Marshall has
an important law school paper to write “I'm jeopardizing my law career
so that you can throw not one, not two, but three parties
for some girl that you just met who's probably not
even gonna show up.” But Barney repeatedly
takes steps to materially improve
his friends’ lives. “I finished your
video resume on my own, messengered it to
every station in the city, a guy from channel 8 called,
he loved you, he wanted you to
come in and audition.” One year he even uses
his massive Christmas bonus, after some initial
selfish temptation, to donate ten-thousand-dollars
to Sam Gibb’s congregation, “And there’s more.” along with racks of his suits
so that underprivileged people could have clothes
for job interviews. So while Barney is often a monster,
he’s capable of selfless deeds. Ted, not so much. “She's not getting
rid of the dogs!” “What's the matter with you?” “Even I wouldn't do that.” Ted’s actively identifying
as a good guy is what makes him so dangerous. His delusional belief
that he’s the leading man in a romantic comedy
written by God, and starring all of humanity
as his supporting cast, allows him to let
himself off the hook for awful behavior. (sarcastically) “What could she
mean when she says 'no'? Oh, I don't know,
it is totally cryptic.” “What? This is far from over.” Because how can anything
he does ever be that bad, if his intentions are so good? “You put yourself and a girl you like
in some romantic setting, the stars line up,
and shazam.” This mindset is also
why Ted is miserable for almost the entire nine-season
run of the show: real life will never match
the fantasies of romantic grandeur that he has constructed in his head. This is perfectly exemplified
by his obsession with winning a second chance with Natalie,
the girl he dumped on her birthday. When he’s not with her,
he becomes irrationally convinced that life with her
would be perfect. “I had so many
fond memories of her: The tea candles on her dresser,
The sock monkey collection on her bed, Her smile...” But almost as soon as he gets
what he asks for, he’s dissatisfied, and is so anxious to discard her that he can’t even respect
her feelings enough to wait a day and avoid
ruining her birthday a second time. “I wanna break up. I don’t think
you’re the one for me.” There’s actually
a psychological term to describe Ted’s favored seduction technique:
Love Bombing, which is a common method
used by delusional narcissists to blindside their
partners with affection early in relationships. “I came home and I found him
waiting in my apartment with a string quartet-”
“Oh that’s so sweet.” “Okay yes it’s sweet in theory
but isn’t it also kind of crazy?” While this might not sound so bad, according to professor
Suzanne Degges-White, “Individuals who are especially
high in the trait of narcissism may see others simply as objects
to satisfy their desire for connection or manipulation.” “Hey Robin, it’s Teddy bear,
need a little honey?” When it comes to their
cultural impact on viewers, characters like Ted Mosby
run the dangerous risk of modeling a self-serving “good guy” persona
that’s more likely to encourage narcissistic behavior in men, than show them what truly
loving conduct looks like. “I just had decent sex
with an awful human being! I am back!” It’s inevitable
that viewers will look to popular examples like Ted
to see how a “romantic guy” acts, but in reality they’re learning
a troubling set of behaviors. “Hello?” “Hey Ted.” “Hey Tiffany.” “Sorry Henrietta,
something came up.” And as the show
demonstrates again and again, this pattern of behavior
not only hurts Ted’s partners, it also makes him deeply unhappy
and unable to appreciate the many blessings
that fill his life. We don’t actually
see what happens after Ted finally
gets what he’s wanted for nearly a decade
and unites with Robin. But based on
what we’ve witnessed, is there really any reason to believe
that he’s at last going to be happy? How could any reality ever
live up to the impossible dream he’s long nurtured of
fairy-tale bliss with this woman? "There's no top 5, Robin. There's just a top one Robin, and it's you." So should we feel bad about enjoying
the various romantic misadventures of Ted in How I Met Your Mother? Absolutely not! But we should be careful to remember
that Ted represents a cautionary tale about what happens
when delusional fantasies prevent you from being open
to connecting with other human beings as they really are. “Let her go.” “No, this is destiny.” “No, Ted, this is forcing it.” Maybe the lesson that Ted
should’ve taught his kids in the drawn-out story
of how he met their mother is, “Look to your Uncle Marshall
as a better standard for how a good guy
actually behaves.” “Some people aren’t going to
get their gifts in time for Christmas?” “Sadly, no.” If you’re new here,
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