Why Narcissist Must Win, Be Right (Psychopath, too!)

thank you why must The Narcissist always win why must The Narcissist always be right or at least proven right ultimately if not immediately why must The Narcissist always Prevail in any situation argument fight conflict a campaign why must The Narcissist have the upper hand why must he be the winner winner rendering all others losers why must he accept the surrender and subjugation and submission of others is so many trophies or offerings to a merciless God why does a narcissist insist on climbing to the top of the totem pole why does he have to form the tip of the pyramid why does he have to ride on top of the hierarchy I think he got the picture but before we go into the multifarious and various psychological reasons and Dynamics for these two facets of grandiose narcissism before we go there a few service inevitable service announcements my name is sambachmanin I'm the author of malignant surf lab narcissism Revisited Among The Faculty of siops Commonwealth for international Advanced professional studies Toronto Canada Cambridge United Kingdom outreach program in Lagos Nigeria but until 2022 when Russia had decided to invade Ukraine I served as a visiting professor of psychology in Southern federal University very respected University even internationally it's in on the Shanghai 500 list and so on so I served as a visiting professor of psychology there it's in rostovan Dom in the Russian Federation and this year is my anniversary I started there in 2017 and I was let go having actually resigned in 2022 five years five good years I must say so as a token of nostalgia or gratitude I'm not quite sure you can download a few of my lectures in Southern federal University or stovindon Russian Federation a few of the lectures I gave there in 2017 between 2017 and 2019 all you have to do is go to the description which is still under the video by the way go to the description and click on the download link but here's a warning it's a 40 gigabytes file that's four zero gigabytes it's a ginormous file and you may wish to not do it on your smartphone but rather on a laptop or a PC or something about a bit more sturdy than a smartphone it includes multiple lectures that I gave at the University as a visiting professor of psychology I'm also going to post a few photos of that period on my Instagram today and I hope you enjoy if you during the pandemic I was unable to travel to Russia so I continue to give lectures but I did it via video recordings via video link some of these lectures are available on my YouTube channel and all you have to do is search the channel and use the keyword or stove or the keyword and or the keyword University another service announcement yesterday I gave an interview it's one of the best I've ever given on victims and victimhood but in a totally new way totally new perception and a new light I think there are many insights there that have escaped all of us myself included for many many years and at any rate I think it would be thought provoking challenging infuriating and controversial so why not go there yesterday I uploaded the video of the interview it's titled new light on victims of narcissistic abuse the interviewer was Macy Nelson and knock yourself out enjoy it I believe that you'll find a lot of food for thought uh what else what else yes my nothingness Channel I have a I have multiple channels one of them is the nothingness Channel it includes a philosophy a new philosophy or were of nothingness of countering narcissism via nothingness and I I'm uploading them there regularly a few days ago I uploaded a video titled the field theory of consciousness which may appeal to those of you who have a twin education in the exact sciences and in Psychology I'm actually marrying and combining quantum mechanics and psychology information Theory and psychology in a way which I hope may catch your fancy so that's the end of the service announcements and now let us head right into today's topic why does the narcissist insist on winning every battle and on always being right narcissists and Psychopaths interact not with you they interact with the game that they are playing with you for example The Narcissist does not interact with this intimate partner he interacts with a shared fantasy the psychopath does not interact with his victims he interact with his goals and with the corn Artistry that he surrounds his victims with it's an immersive experience the victims are steeped in the narcissists and Psychopaths virtual reality so this is a very important important point to keep in mind it's not personal in a way it's like you know the mafia Hitman I'm gonna kill you but it's not personal it's only business and because you're my friend I'm gonna kill you for free so narcissists and Psychopaths interact with the game not with the players there is no Intimacy in this game not trust there's no honing of social skills most of these insights are gained from my wife Lydia rangeloska who is a counselor in narcissistic abuse the coach and counselor narcissistic abuse she Drew my attention to this that games even games children play generate first the first experiences of intimacy requires a modicum of trust and hone social skills not if this is this is all wasted on the narcissist of the psychopath they played the game for the game's sake you are a participant in the game but this is totally incidental totally coincidental and accidental you are replaceable interchangeable dispensable fungible anyone would do you just happen to be there Moses must win but the way they Define winning is very unusual most healthy people most normal people Define winning as a win-win situation for example convincing someone else that they are right that's a win-win situation you have converted someone to your point of view narcissists and Psychopaths Define winning as a win-lose situation what is known as zero game in Game Theory so if they win you must lose and if they win totally you must lose totally winning by eradicating the competitor so this is the irony narcissists and psychopaths are not competitive they're looking in the business of competing they are in the business of killing off the competition eradicating the competitor ruining and destroying every potential for future competition while healthy normal people are into competing and winning narcissists and psychopaths are into devastation so while um let's say a normal healthy person would consider using a handgun a narcissist or a psychopath would immediately deploy nuclear weapons it's total warfare and they must come out on top they will use any means including underhanded or even criminal methods and stratagems so when you are in a confrontation or a conflict with the narcissist or psychopath assume the worst because they immediately default to the most extreme and radical in um thing at the disposal they escalate from zero to one hundred in a microsecond from from Zero to Hero they they go all the way all the nine yards and so they are very very dangerous in this sense because there is a an inbuilt disproportionality between what is at stake and what in the in the devices and means that they are willing to deploy additionally narcissists and Psychopaths engage in something that I call preemptive winning they anticipate conflict confrontation competition and they are out to destroy you even before the thought crosses your mind of competing with them they're like they say is a potential competitor he is so he because he's a potential competitor he must be destroyed we must eliminate so this is preemptive winning and they do this because they're terrified of being dominated or being shamed and humiliated narcissists narcissism is a compensatory complex of reactions to life-threatening shame the reservoir of Shame from early childhood shame that is intimately linked to helplessness the psychopath is interested in power psychopathy is about power the gaining of power the accumulation of power the wielding of power and the visible effects of power on other people so power and shame and to avoid being dominated and to avoid being shamed the narcissists and Psychopaths would eliminate you just because you may have one day the potential to become a competitor or a winner and they can't afford this absolutely not so a psychopath or a narcissist as a parent competes with his children and destroys them or seeks to destroy them psychopath or a narcissist as a teacher would envy his students and if they Excel he would seek to ruin them or destroy them anything that represents a potential for undermine the narcissists undermining the narcissists inbuilt fantastic inflated self-image any potential for denying the psychopath the attainment and accomplishment of his goals such things such people such environments such institutions need to be destroyed and dismantled Break by break cell by cell preemptive winning the narcissist is emotionally invested in being right he must be right again there's a mistake here narcissists and psychopaths are not competitive they don't want to compete they want to kill the competition they want to kill the competitors similarly narcissists and psychopaths are not argumentative they don't want to argue they're nothing to arguing with you they're not opinionated they don't want to your bill you're beneath them you don't deserve you haven't earned the right to be exposed to their August wisdom so it's not about being argumentative or opinionated or trying to convince or trying to dissuade or trying to persuade no there's no communication here there's no honest attempt like modifying other people's state of mind or opinions or judgments or actions or choices or decisions this is not politics narcissists and Psychopaths must be right not as the final outcome of an argument and not because their opinions are more convincing and more compelling than other peoples no they must be right via coercion they coerce you they are what we call heuristic e-r-i-s-t-i-c they are heuristic they lecture you they Hector they censor they punish they coerce they compel they threaten they blackmail until you succumb and depleted and exhausted and ruined and terrified you say yes you're right and that's the that's the end goal and that's the only goal the only aim being told that he's right grants The Narcissist narcissistic Supply being told that he is right empowers the psychopath and so he can leverage this newfound power to obtain his goals narcissists and Psychopaths will confabulate in the case of the narcissist will lie in the case of the psychopath and will invent things so if you ask the narcissist something and he doesn't know the answer he will fake an answer and the answer would be very convincing and very authoritative and with numbers and with dates and with then you will be wow You'll Be Wild you'll be old it will be awe-inspiring same with the psychopath and this is very similar of what's happening with artificial intelligence chatbots like chat GPT when the artificial intelligence large language model chatbots don't know the answer they invented they don't say I don't know they just come up with a totally concocted fictitious idiotic story but they do so in a very authoritative manner so people tend to believe the a the artificial intelligence chatbot which is why it should never be a part of any search engine narcissists and Psychopaths do the same even if the outcome of lying and confabulating and inventing answers which have nothing to do with reality even if the outcomes are deadly they would still do that they don't care about other people they don't give they don't give a fixed leaf on other people's costs other people's pains fears nothing matters except being right and appearing to be all knowing omnipotent god-like Spartan parcel of the grandiosity regardless of the course to the narcissist and to his victims to the psychopath and to his prey so the narcissist is a psychopaths psychopaths are willing to pay an exceedingly heavy price just in order to appear all-knowing omniscient just in order to give the impression that they have the answer and so they're willing to pay a possible price for this a heavy price and of course they don't mind don't care at all if other people's people pay a price so regardless of the cost and regardless even of the benefits or of alternative courses of action you know the narcissists and Psychopaths don't even consider alternative ways of doing things this is this is it they are omniscient all-knowing they are right they know everything they can learn nothing there's nothing you could teach them you're always wrong they're always right and if this means a heavy personal toll on the narcissist and psychopath they will pay it gladly because what's the alternative to lose their grandiosity narcissists cannot afford this mentally it will fall apart it will disintegrate to to fail psychopath cannot fail cannot feel psychopath cannot feel disempowered a loser they cannot afford this because their entire precarious personality rests on these delusions delusions and fiction to maintain this they would pay any price they would fight any fight they would issue any benefit and they would ignore any alternative this is dirty fighting it's a betrayal dynamic they betray their interlocutors their counterparties their their maids and spouses and intimate Partners it's about betrayal and they betray also the dynamic of human communication of argumentation or fairness of of referencing sources of real knowledge they betray all this they betrayal this in order to be right this dirty fighting because they are defending the fragility they are defending the their fragile inflated fantastic counterfactual self-image it's a defense of a fantasy in the case of the psychopath it's a fantasy of I am all-powerful I am Godlike I'm omnipotent in the case of the narcissist it's I'm all knowing I'm omniscient and so it's a defense of their rights and ability to divorce reality because they can't count countenance reality these people can't survive in reality because they're brittle they're broken they're damaged and so they construct an alternative reality and then coerce you into it but in order for you to collaborate with them in this alternative reality in this shared fantasy whatever it may be you need first to admit that you are wrong about reality and they are right you need to accept their Supremacy as sources of knowledge it's definers of reality is guides as mentors and so you need to surrender your reality testing to them you need to tell them you be my reality henceforth in other words you need to regress you need to infantilize to collaborate with the narcissist and psychopath you need to accept their parental role in your infantile role you're just an infant and they know better this all has to do with the concept known as bounded rationality bounded rationality is when we seek to satisfy not optimize now I have a video on this channel of course because I have a video about everything I have a video of this channel on satisficing but just to Define it for you satisficing is minimum investment for minimally accepted outcomes like you don't go all the way it's the path of least resistance you say okay that's enough I don't want more I'm gonna do my minimum I'm gonna get my minimum and my minimum is enough for me that is satisfying you don't go for the maximum and you don't go for the optimum and this is known as bounded rationality why because it's not rational to not optimize and to not seek to make the best of yourself and of the situation and environment you find yourself in this would be rational bounded rationality means limited rationality diminished rationality the rationality that accepts irrationality the Spartan parcel of the equation boundary rationality for example is one of the main tenets of Behavioral economics where rational agents are actually not Russian they're bounded they're bounded Russian so it's the same with the narcissist in the psychopath the narcissist and psychopath been committed to the truth into reality they would have been 10 times more efficacious ten times more successful a hundred times more accomplished and probably twice as happy and yet they choose to give up on reality they create a narrative which has nothing to do with the world and so they are not efficient in the world ultimately and so this is bounded rationality The Narcissist says if I obtain narcissistic Supply if I'm told that I'm right even if this leads to bad outcomes even if it denies me the possibility of realizing my potential and self-actualizing even if it isolates me from from the world and from reality and impairs my ability to act in reality and on reality in order to obtain favorable outcomes me even if they disable me make me of an invalid invalidate me even then it's good enough for me I'm satisficed I I don't I'm not seeking the optimal I'm not optimizing I'm satisficing and this is of course bounded rationality the narcissist and the psychopath fully accept impaired reality testing is the trade-off they say if we if we don't give up on reality in part or in whole it's going to be painful it's going to be shameful I won't be able to live with myself I need to give up on reality and I'm strong enough to give up on reality because I'm Godlike I'm the creator of worlds I can create another reality which would be as valid as resourceful as gratifying as efficient as real reality so the narcissist doesn't hesitate to invite you into his reality the shared fantasy Because he believes that his reality is actually Superior to other people's reality the common reality he believes that he can improve on reality so narcissists and Psychopaths give up on reality consciously and knowingly get themselves steeped in or immersed in a fantasy because they believe that the whole world should adapt to them reality is it is now sucks is imperfect dysfunctional stupid head they've been given the chance they would have designed a far better reality and so they're doing it for you it's a favor they're doing you you have to accept that they're always right you have to let them win all the time because in return they're giving you the world a new world a brave world a world where you can prosper and Thrive unlike in the reality that all other people share isn't this enormous Cornucopia a gift of unprecedented proportions you should be grateful and if you're not then you know you should be punished and increase should be punished the narcissist and Psychopaths approach to I must win I must be right has to do of course with catastrophizing the alternative to being right the alternative to Winning is dying dying either emotionally and mentally or physically even so they must win it's a dichotomous view of the power Matrix if I don't win if I fail to win if I if I'm not right if I'm proven wrong then I will have transition from an exploiting Superior being to an exploited inferior creature It's All or Nothing and this is of course splitting All or Nothing thinking either I'm right or I'm a zero either I win Orem did exploited humiliated shamed son I must win winners take all as a winner I'll be accepted as a winner I will have power as a winner I'll be respected people respect me as a winner if I'm always right I'll be looked up to people will cherish me seek my advice in both cases if I win and if I'm right I will have acquired power over people power that will let me prevent the most adverse outcomes because I see a catastrophe come in everyone is against me everyone hates me this is some paranoia paranoid ideation and so I need in this hostile jungle world I need all the tools and I need to subjugate other people I need them I need them to be submissive to me I need to neutralize them so that they I render them risk less because if they are autonomous if people are autonomous if they're independent if they're authentic they're dangerous especially to me but if I keep winning over them if I keep proving myself right if I keep proving them wrong ultimately they will accept my authority and give in to me and succumb thereby reducing the risk to me um substantially and my anxiety as well catastrophizing anxiety and a false dichotomous View of the power Matrix between people the whole world is a war a battle and you need to win or be extinguished there's a lot of reframing going on when the narcissist fails to be right his self-supplies he sells this his self-deceives he says to himself I have one I have been proven right I have been Vindicated or it's only a question of time time until I am proven wrong until I am Vindicated I until I have one he lies to himself he tells himself stories narratives to convince himself that you know he is right people maybe are too stupid to realize it to take some time but he is right he has won maybe other people think they have won but that's because they don't see the big picture or that's because they misinformation they lack information if they had all the information they would have seen that he had won this is self-supply and self-deception and it's a desperate reaction to catastrophizing to anxiety to fear fear of life itself ultimately the need to win and they need to be right all the time is a rejection of life and everyone in it because it's the only Safe Way to survive being a narcissist or a psychopath only safely the alternative is to fragment and break apart and be no more thank you

Channel: Prof. Sam Vaknin

Views: 39,452

Keywords: win, winner, loser, competition, right, wrong, mistake, error, fact, truth, argument, debate, game, trust, intimacy, lie, confabulation, invention, AI, hallucination, betrayal, inflated, shared fantasy, self-image, bounded rationality, satisficing, optimizing, self-deception, self-supply, reframing, catastrophizing, reality, shame, domination, power, narcissistic supply

Id: XJc9QMkQ2eA

Length: 31min 26sec (1886 seconds)

Published: Thu Jul 27 2023