All the characters die on the last episode. Even the children?
Like, yes. Look, there was no other way for that show to end.
No survivors. Yeah, it kind of-- Like the Sopranos, dinosaurs. Yeah.
Yeah. (laughing) It's the true, accurate end that all media needs. Yeah. (laughing) Follow it to the end. I think so. You know what? Look, that's how life works for most people. Why are you doing that at me? Speaking of the inevitable end. Speaking of the inevitable en... I'm leaving. (laughs) (laughing) Oh, we're doing this again. We're doing this again. All right. Highest--
No I'll pick the last one. Geniuses picker.
Highest hosts. Highest hosts.
Highest hosts. All right. Un, dos, tres. You knocked me. Well, I get a re-roll because I hosted last time. That's what Kyle said. That 20 doesn't count for shit. Watch this, low number. That's cocked. Oh, oh.
The same as Sam. We got rollies.
We got rollies. We got rollies. I don't want to do it again. Fuck! (laughing) Come on!
All right, buddy. Come on!
I'll take one for the team. But no! That's it. Piss off. Get on up. If you want me to do it, I'll do it. Oh, god! Taliesin: You're angered. Dani: The tavern chooses its keeper. Statistically that should not have-- Sam: No, you rolled like four times. Ah. Matt: It was your destiny. (inhales) Good evening, Earth. And welcome to 4-Sided Dive. I am Travis Willingham, your 15th tavern keeper. Sam: Whoa. 15th. And we have a very special program for you this evening. (laughs) Oh. Oh, that's phonetically spelled out. Okay, cool. Yes. Yes, I'm gonna kick somebody shins. Ashton's got a brand new bespoke hammer and he is ready to pound some heroism down on the Ruby Vanguard. Will Taliesin Jaffe tell us what the switch does on his fancy new hammer? Let's find out. Sam: Oh. (laughing) I thought that was it. But wait! There's more. FCG may have taken up smoking but with five easy payments
of 20 Changebringer coins. Sam Riegel will tell us what happens to his stress points when
he tries to quit cold turkey. All: Ooh. But wait!
Sam: Oh. There's more, how do we say this name? Dani: Tuyen.
Sam: Tuyen. Tuyen. Tuyen of the Prism Emporium sent Chetney a mouth-smack full of
silver dust as payback for threatening her 30
million episodes ago. (laughs) (laughing) I don't know about you
but this got me thinking about that age old question, does a spoonful of silver
dust really cure a broken heart? The answer is no. (chuckles) But wait! Stop, you bitch. I have more things to say. (laughing) Matt Mercer has
finally surfaced on 4-Sided Dive. Sam And Taliesin: Oh! To answer the question on everyone's mind. Why? What the fuck, Matt? Why? (coughs) Aah! (laughing) Finish up. Just finish up. But I was already doing that. I feel like I inferred the note before. Matt: You go on that. That was good.
Matt: Lesson learned. (coughs) But for the love of all the prime deities, has it always been in all caps? Sam: Nope. Just now. Okay. But for the love of all the prime deities, both the good ones and the dickish ones, wait! There he is (inhales) more! 4-Sided Dive Canned Bits. We wanna take a moment to talk about our unofficial sponsor for tonight's episode. 4-Sided Dives Canned Bits. Each and every can of 4-Sided Dives Canned Bits is overflowing with ethically-sourced, totally organic canned bits. We vacuum-seal every single can with a special vacuum they use on the space shuttle to make
sure the maximum amount of canned bits make
their way into every can. You're gonna go bananas over just how many canned bits we can cram into these fucking cans. (laughing) Mm-mm-mm. (sniffs) Smell the can. Now, those are indeed
some fresh fucking canned bits. Our very own Moppo is the genius behind these tantalizing canned bits. And we love them so, so much. And I'm not just saying that because Moppo is staring menacingly
at me from behind the camera. You might be asking
yourself, what are they? Are they a food product, a toy, an experimental beauty product? Well, the answer to
all of these things is yes. But most importantly,
4-Sided Dive's Canned Bits is a lifestyle brand focused entirely on violently jam-packing as many canned bits as we can into these aluminum receptacles. So remember, when
you're in the canned bit aisle, pick the canned bits with the can-do attitude, 4-Sided Dive's Canned Bits. We're doing our best! But wait, one more thing! (laughing) No! No more things. Later, we'll be playing Super Fight. Sam: What is that? I don't-- I think it's a car game. Matt: Yep.
A card game? Yes.
Travis: A car game. Oh, a car game. It's Demolition Derby time. Welcome to 4-Sided Dive! Let's do a fucking show! Sam: Yeah!
Matt: Yay! Matt: But wait. Oh no, no! (upbeat music) Ch, ch, ch, ch. Welcome back. Let's begin the night.
Sam: Oh god. With our open discussion segment. What the fuck is up with that? (chuckles) Sam: Oh god. Dani, it's my choice. Matt: Yeah, it's true.
Mm. So Matt-- Sam: Oh god. What the fuck is up with that? Sam: Oh god. I'm gonna spit all over you. Matt: Just arc it over here. Pew. So what? So, this is everything from us coming together to the very last episode that we played. So man, we got all sorts of shit. Yeah.
Like what? Well, Apogee Solstice. Yeah.
That happened a long time ago. Ludinus. Sam: But I guess we're seeing the effects of it now. From two different groups. So, I have a question for you, Matt. Matt: Yes, please. Go ahead. What magic doesn't work? All divine magic? Just Sending? Just some divine magic that is far apart from each other. So well, like what's the rules? Do we know the rules? We don't know the rules. We don't know the specific rules. But there are rules? There are things, some things that work, some things that are a little futsy and some things that don't. Sending is definitely one of the spells that is very challenged to get through. It's kind of like a solar
radiation scenario right now with the extended Apogee Solstice where the information of a Sending doesn't quite make it through. More powerful spells and things that have direct
connections to divinity work in, well, in some locations. And they're more challenged than others. Travis: Ah. And other weird things. There's a certain amount of
divine related to certain gods that they make up certain spells, Matt, are those gods dead? What? (laughing) No, it's-- Are some gods dead already? Is definitely a positive thing. Matt: Huh? Sam: Are some gods dead already? I mean, historically there's two that you know were devoured by it. I know, but I mean, newly dead. Freshly dead? Freshly Dead Grass. (laughing) I don't know. You should ask around. That's fair. Sam: Okay, okay, okay. (laughing) Can you talk between
ley if you had two people at different ley line crossings, would Sending actually work there? Oh, like a library of congress, just kind of over the board? Well, you know, like a telegraph,
telegram, you know? You just have to have it. Worth a try. Taliesin: It would be worth a try. It's pretty ingenious
for a Game Master to be like, "Only some spells don't work. And I'm not gonna tell you which ones." That way if someone says, "I'm gonna summon fey creatures." You can be, "Nope, that doesn't work. Sorry, I don't want to." That is actually very, very smart. I wish I had thought of it that way. (laughing) Could still do it that way, I guess. Sam: Yeah. (chuckles) No, I mean, predominantly,
here's the thing. Information is the villain to tension and stakes. And so for certain facets of this story, this is somebody else's
quote that I fucked up. Sam: Oh, you made that up? (laughing) Travis: On 4-Sided Dive. There you go. But-- On 4-Sided Dive. (laughing) Dani: Please don't make that voice. This is not making sense. Sometimes inspiration hits, you just got to run with it. Dani: Please don't do that to me. Right off a cliff. ♪ Run like the wind ♪ Yeah. Primarily I wanted to present a scenario where you were kind of lost, worried and unable to gain the information that is more readily available at those times. And kind of see how that changed, landscaped the world with a logistical reason that made sense for why that is the case. So, after two, you know, campaigns of being, "Huh, I wonder about this. I'll just cast a spell and find out about it." Yeah. Yeah. To shift that up for a bit and kind of-- That's great. Give that kind of, oh god, now we're running it to suboptimal scenario. We don't really have the answer, nor do we have a means of contacting each other. Makes for an interesting flavor change for the tension. Speaking of someone asking for and receiving answers, my character, Fresh Cut Grass. Matt: Yes. Yes.
Best character on the show. Matt: I remember him. Yeah. Has been asking for guidance on occasion recently, even after Solstice and has been getting responses. Does that mean that Fresh Cut Grass is god, the Changebringer, best god in the Pantheon? Is the most powerful? 'Cause everything seems to still be working with her. Is she more powerful than the others? Does this mean that Fresh Cut Grass is now the champion of the Changebringer? Oh boy. I hope so. I've never been a champion. No. Dani: Yes, you have. (laughing) That just went out now full fucking no. Not maybe. Not dig a little deeper. Not explore that thread. Fucking no. (laughing) Here's a coin, bitch. (laughing) Amazing. You've earned it. Well, I-I-I will say, you know, from my perspective, if there ever was a time where the deities are kind of all-hands-on-deck, anyone listening and anyone that could be useful, now's the time to go ahead and rally who's available. And I think they've made a little bit of that intention and that intensity clear with some of those visions and interactions. But yeah, they're under threat. Sure. And so while you've been kind of knocking around the outside gate of
old Changebringer's realm and they've been a little, "Let's leave a message," you know? Now they're, "Listen, if you really wanna help, shit's bad." Okay. Okay. Yes, host of the show? Question. Hi, Travis Willingham, fan of the show. I've watched it since 2012. Matt: Thank you, Travis. (laughing) Do all of the gods have champ-? Your question's so loud, can you just... Sorry. Do all of the gods have champions? Often they do, though champions don't normally need to be holding that office in times of peace. Some of them can, you know, discard the title for a while and then be called when it's necessary. Some, it's a title for life. It depends on the entity, it depends on the god, depends on the history. Sometimes champions are, you know, "For a brief time, I've exalted you and now you go do a thing for me. Cool. Go back to being normal." Some people it's a right-hand scenario. Like with the Matron of Ravens, you know, it's a-- I was gonna say, or like the Hercules. The Greek gods.
Yeah. And they had their favorite, you know, kids out there.
Matt: Mm-hm. Do the Betrayer Gods have champions still or are they just very shut off from the world? Oh yeah. No, they have champions. If anything, they're more eager to have champions because they're the ones who want to try and muck with and finagle things on Exandria to their advantage. And they, you know, unlike the other entities that have open worship and have power through society, Betrayers generally have to work a little more direct to gain the influence they wanted. Are we looking at this wrong, is Ludinus a champion of a Betrayer God? Ooh, that's a cool theory. It's a cool theory. They just want all the gods dead, you know what I think FCG should do? We gotta hunt down the Changebringer champion and (tongue clicks). Oh, are there more than one champion? Travis: There can only be one. There can, I-- You cut his head off, or their head off, and you take the sword. And (mimics electricity), I've seen it in a movie. Matt: It's just the rule. I like that idea. Yeah, and then you have to speak with a Scottish accent the rest of the campaign. (chuckles) (laughing) I think that's the rule. Some gods have more than one champion. Whoa. But they have less importance, it's more divided. Either they can put all their energy into one champion and make them extremely worthy and powerful. Or they can disseminate that kind of intention against multiple people and-- Gosh, I wonder how things are going for the Betrayer Gods right now. Sam: Uh, oh-- Thought bubble. I was hoping, I was hoping. We're doing a dissolve? Taliesin: I was hoping to dissolve into you explaining how what's going on.
Oh. Travis: Dissolve into a closeup. Taliesin: Yeah.
Oh. Taliesin: Yeah. Yeah, man--
Take two, take two. Take two. Sam: Let's go to another one. I wonder what's going on with the Betrayer Gods right now? We're breaking the mold here, we're changing. Taliesin: Yeah, they're not doing it. Nevermind. Yeah. Sorry. I bet they're having their own time. Yeah. Sam: Oh yeah? You bet they're having a good time? Matt: This is an interrogation. Travis: Tell all, let's just tell all. It is not. Sharkey's from Doordash and having a great time. No! (laugh) Speaking of Ludinus. (laughing) Yes.
Yes. The last time we saw Mr. Da'Leth was on the surface of Ruidus. Yes? Matt: Seems to be the case. Yeah. Yeah, he was-- Travis: What the fuck is up with that? He was with Liliana? With Liliana. And Otohan? No, Otohan was not present. Just Liliana. But it also seemed like Nightmare King was on a different part. Ira was creeping around somewhere. Yeah, Ira was with somebody else. And they were marching through. Wait, was Ludinus and Liliana marching through the storm? They were marching and the Nightmare King met in a room with someone and it looked like they telepathically traded. Sam: Sure. They had the skull. Yeah. Yeah. And then, but Ludinus and Liliana were in a city marching through. Everyone was marching through. This is everyone's pose on Ruidus. Matt: Well, there's heavy dust and a lot of hard things to push through, so yeah. Okay. So they're there. They're where they want to be. What could that be? So, they're in a city, there's no other people there. Taliesin: Well, you don't know that. Matt: That thing there. It's true, it's true. You just saw these shapes of structures in the middle of the dust. Taliesin: They could be underground. That's what happens when-- They got where they wanted to go. They're going to see Predathos. Yeah, something is, it feels like they ice cream-scooped a part of Exandria, city and all, encapsulated it in the moon with that Divine Gate latticework and then sent it up. I don't know why it stopped there. It could've just kept going in the-- Matt: They tried to put it-- Doomsday, throw him into space. Oh really? They tried to-- Travis: Chunk it. Chunk it entirely. And it just kind of got locked. Oh, in orbit because of gravity or because something stopped it? They were off a couple of decimal points. They didn't enough power maybe 'cause we fucked some shit up. Mm-hm. (laughs) Dani: Well, the original creation of Ruidus, they tried to chunk it. (laughing) The royal we. Royal. Oh, yes. And Predathos is what, in there, in the city, is the city, under the backside of the moon? We don't know. We got nothing. How big is Predathos? Predathos could be as big as the moon or just a little guy? Little cute guy. Frog in a top hat with a cane. Matt: Yeah. ♪ Hello my baby, hello my ♪ Matt: I already got the mini for it. Ooh. Travis: For Predathos? For the tiny frog. Oh shit, I was, is it in the map room somewhere? Do you have a Predathos mini? Predatho. Predatho. Beach ball. (laughing) It's a big, red beach ball. Yeah, I just spray painted it. I do not have a mini Predathos. No. Taliesin: No.
Yet. Travis: Insight check. (laughing) Doesn't work. I'd be impressed if it did, "Oh shit, that's 24, I guess." What else do we need to know? Do we have any Molaesmyr questions for him? Did we-- There's no out of bounds here. Yeah. Ask anything. I'll respond to the things that I feel like I can. Travis: Imogen's mom was up there. Yeah, Liliana was up there. Yeah. I would assume that there's probably quite a few people up there at this point. That they've gotten a little landing party and have set up some sort of base. That's what I would do is just have, you know, 30 or 40 people. Sam: Sure.
Setting up a-- Matt Damon planting potatoes. Taliesin: I was gonna say, it's Matt Damon and potatoes all the way around. Pooping on his potatoes. Yep. Poop potatoes. They're also sending entities down. Dani: Pootatoes. (laughs) Pootatoes.
Pootatoes. That's great. (clapping) (laughing) Brought it. Boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em on the moon. (laughing) Sorry. Anyway, ha! I do feel bad we didn't get to see the Wolf-King more. I feel like we should have brought that one out into the light after having seen the mini. Oh, that's fine. Travis: We can always go back. Yeah. I got some places to go back. We got a bunch of places to go back to. Now, where did you guys go? You went to Issylra. You fucked with the Dawnfather. Oh, I saw this on a piece of paper. It says the Loam and the Leaf because we all know what a loam is. It's fertile soil consisting of clay, sand and silt. Usually 40%, 40% and 20%. Matt: You knew that?
Travis: Wow. Oh, I knew that off the top of my head. Taliesin: No way. No way. He Googled that about 25 minutes ago. No, I'm sure, I'm sure. The Loam and the Leaf was the group that you guys foiled? Dani: Helped. Helped.
Helped out. They were a resistance movement within Hearthdell to the somewhat oppressive presence of the Dawnfather's temple. And what do you think, Taliesin, was the Dawnfather a good guy in this? Or a bad guy in this? Very much, very much a bad guy. Sam: Really?
Yeah. Sam: But he's a-- Travis: Having a bad day or-- No. No. Was it man twisting his divine words and-- No.
Seeking. Okay. No. But was it out of desperation? Sometimes people do crazy things when they're put in a corner. I think it was out of desperation the same way of, you know... No, I think it was out of desperation the same way of, you know, well, you know, we're going to war, we're going to need some materials. There's a bunch of people living here. What if they just weren't. Travis: Weren't. (laughs) So, we're just going to take all this and you're either going to convert or fucking vanish. So yeah, they went in and were, literally-- Because you put into your boom stick a bunch of nuggets of something. Yep.
But we haven't asked you what it was. Sam: Yeah. Where'd you find it? What were the materials you wanted people to find?
Oh. Oh boy, that goes further and further along. This is what this is for. Matt: This is what this is for. Yeah.
We can share info. So, yeah. What do I want to say? Dani: 4-Sided Dive, you guys. Yeah, no. Well, I'm trying to figure out what I wanna say. So, yeah, we went into a cave because we wanted to go home, and going home in this reality means often going into a cave. Sam: Sure. Like you do. And we found these crazy fucking crystals that when you put magic in them, when you shot magic at them, it would scatter. It was almost a prismatic effect. Travis: Oh. And that's why you kept holding your hammer in front of Imogen last game. Taliesin: Yeah, I had a- 'Cause you thought it would scatter. Yeah, I've had a brief discussion with some of the spell casters explaining to 'em what I think it's gonna do. So- Yeah, but what'd you think it's gonna do? I think it should do what it did in the cave maybe and- It could refract and, or, send back or any number of them. Well, you said chaos. You were all about chaos. Yeah, I mean, you gotta try shit. So if someone was casting lightning bolts, it could split it into six maybe. And three of 'em hit where they want and three of 'em hit somewhere else. Maybe. Travis: I have a ton of spells. I think you should use me as a guinea pig. Taliesin: I'd love that.
(Matt laughs) I will cast Inflict Wounds into the hammer. Well, I don't know if that'll work. I don't think it will. No, I think that's a- But it's either that or minor image. (all laugh) Well, it's worth a shot.
Travis: Or invisibility. Taliesin: Well, I mean- Dani: Visibility could be fun. Taliesin: That could be fun. 'Cause the other thing about the hammer. I've done other things to the hammer too. The hammer has got a bunch of... I did a bunch of- Sam: Did you describe how it looks yet in the game? You described a little bit of it, although it's being refined right now, but it's a bigger, it's a little- Sam: It's bigger? The shape of the head of the hammer is a little off now. Yeah. I suppose it was a square glass hammer, that that head is still there, but there's not these almost wing projections of the crystals on the sides of it that stick outward. Like more traditional war hammer. Matt: Yeah. Sam: On the back of it? On either side of the- Sam: On either side, yeah. Oh, like, it's got ears, it's got a little fish. Oh, yeah. Yeah, sure. Actually, that's not half wrong. Even more of a problem to be hit with. But it's also, the actual handle of the hammer now actually has like a little bit of, I want to say, base technology in it, but there's a little switch system. There's a little tech in it. Travis: Like a little Hawkeye. One switch or multiple switches? Taliesin: One switch. One switch?
Taliesin: One switch. And it's just on or off? Yep. Sam: And that's the prism effect? No.
Matt: Nope. Is it like Blade's sword? If somebody picks it up and doesn't push the button, it'll make their hands explode? No, well, that too, but- What does the button do? Travis: We should grab this hammer. I will say that a couple people have tried to guess it, and so far only one person has been right guessing it. Who was it? That was Dani Carr. Dani: Hi!
Dani! Matt: And by the way, Dani.
One guess. Dani: What?
Matt: You were about to say something? One guess. Dani: Oh, it was dumb. But I was gonna say that the one thing to remember about the crystals is that they also lessened the impact of the spell, because the spell is pushed through. And so, it doesn't do quite as much damage as it would. But invisibility could be interesting, because you could almost say something like, well, it goes through, but invisibility, which lasts a certain amount of time, if it hits a couple more extra people, maybe that time is lessened, but they are all invisible. Or maybe they- Taliesin: God knows what refined crystals will do. Who knows? They get partially invisible, but their knee is still visible and one guy's ear is still invisible, and Chetney's wang is still visible. Did you see a knee wandering through there? (all laugh) Wait, so do we have a name for this crystal, what it's actually called? We don't. You do not. Nobody is aware of its name or its presence. We don't know its source or origin. Well, it's origin, at least, they discovered it within this cave around the Verdent Tomb. We don't know who put it there or why. Or what it comes from, pressure and time. An angel's toots. Well, what they do know is that the cavern that it was in was referred to as the Verdent Tomb was being watched over by a Hierophant- Who has been trapped. Well, it's guarding the long entombed crystal trapped spirit of a Gau Drashari. Yeah. Oh, the way back Gau Drasharis. Matt: Yeah. Oh That cave was interesting. Oh. (all laugh) Can we go back there? Oh, yeah. No, we're going back there. We're going back to lots of places, right? We're actually going back there because... Yeah, because apparently the interesting cult that I was born in is not that far away. So- Travis: Really? Apparently. Yeah.
Matt: Was. Yeah. Was. You learned a lot about yourself and then also something happened to you that gave you a focus. Taliesin: Yeah. You're on a path now. Taliesin: I am. You've got a goal, a purpose. Taliesin: I do. What's up with that? God, I'm trying to think of how much to say that's not like too- What changed you? I don't watch our content. Did it happen in the stream? It did. It wasn't a very loud moment, and it keeps getting very well backed up by both. Sam: But you discovered something that had this or was it a character interaction that- It was a couple character interactions, not the least of which was watching someone try and murder all of us because of what we did during the solstice, which was an interesting experience. Oh, the guy from the Ruby Vanguard or from the- Sam: Bor'Dor. And then-
Matt: Bor'Dor. Bor'Dor. Yeah. Bor'Dor. And then yeah, the whole thing with the All Father and the- Matt: Dawnfather. Dawnfather. This is my brain right now. Matt: That's okay, dude. The caffeine's kicking in. Yeah. And then like finding out about the cult and a little bit about what they were trying to do and seeing a broader bird's eye view of my life, of Ashton's life is starting to make sense in a very strange way of like, this repeating pattern and theme to who they are and where they came from and where they're going. And wow, I guess the big thing is finally there's someone to blame, which it's much easier not to be angry at everything all the time when you can just be angry at a couple things. Sam: Ooh, that's true. It feels very- So, I'm feeling way better. Instead of very devil may care, you're actually starting to care about your past and wonder about all those things. Dani: Devil could care. Devil could care.
Devil could care. Matt: Ooh. I specifically- Dani: I bring a lot to this show. (laughs) It is interesting that I came from a group of people who would've probably had a very serious opinion about what's going on right now. And yeah, maybe this was what it was supposed to be. What would their opinion have been? They were not about the gods. They were about the nature spirits and- Oh, the Hishari. Taliesin: Yeah, the Hishari. Travis: Or the Gau Drashari. But the Hishari are- That was trapped in the cave! Sam: Hishari are knockoff of Gau Drashari. From what I understand, they're a little more, I don't wanna say weaponized, but they were definitely trying to gain some power. From what you could ascertain and the way it was referred to from the druid that was there, the druid that you met, the Hierophant, Hevestro, I don't know if it came up and it doesn't really matter so much, but they were a self, I wanna say ostracized, but they hermitted from Pyra. They are a member of the Ashari, who is essentially assigned to this tomb to keep watch over it. The Hishari, which is not a given name. That was a name that they made for themselves. To try and tether themselves to the history of the Ashari and the Gau Drashari, this odd cult. The other actual natural wardens of the Ashari tribes do not like that they did that. It's like having this long history and tradition and culture, and then having a bunch of upstart pseudo cult, young folk going like, "Cool, we're just like you guys, "our name's just a little bit different." And you're like, "No, fuck you guys. "What the fuck is this?" Travis: Get your own thing. And then they went and blew themselves up and they're like, "Yeah, it's fucking right." (all laugh) That's essentially the Hishari. Yeah, it's interesting. Matt: They were a cautionary tale in Issylra. Yeah. And what they were trying to do is very interesting. Yeah. You should look into it more. I'm really looking forward to it. So yeah, just the very notion of having a focus for why life is shitty is really fascinating. Also the better half of the group, otherwise known as Orym, Chetney, and Fearne. Ah, easy mode. Yes. Were grant- (laughs) That was too fast. Taliesin: You're welcome. Were granted a vision by the temple of the Matron of Ravens. Sam: That was a really cool scene. That was rough. Yeah. Travis: Time froze.
It was Vax screaming. Travis: You mean the sphere? As a ball? Matt: Yep.
Yeah. I know he's Vax, Travis. I at least know that. (all laugh) Travis: That's good. That's progress.
Yeah. Travis: You gotta celebrate that. He's like a bowling ball that can scream. Yeah. Dani: Oh. But also, I thought it just used him up immediately or something. He's just continuously being tortured. Nice. (all laugh) Sorry. Liam's gonna watch this. Shit. No. Should we have run a check to see if the sphere was any smaller or larger to see if it being diminished in its use? That would've been a good idea. Travis: What the fuck is up with that? What the fuck is up with that, huh? Taliesin: That would've been a really good idea. Oh, yeah. If it's getting smaller and smaller, maybe there's a ticking clock and we gotta get to it before- Travis: There was a small digital clock underneath it. Sam: Oh. It's just counting down. Like 24. Matt: Yeah, exactly. Little predator symbols of like bing, bing, bing, boop. (all laugh) Maybe that's it. Maybe we have to cut the blue wire or something before it- Cut the blue, cut the green! Yeah, no, we gotta get in there. We gotta get in there and diffuse that thing. Yeah, just have FCG go in and cut the wire and save the day. That's it. Campaign solved. The best final battle of the campaign.
Yeah. It's just like, all right, make an dexterity check. All right. Yeah, you've won. (all laugh) With a rag to like put... But you don't even sweat. You just want somebody to be patting your forehead for that. But it's weird 'cause it... And tell me if you feel differently. It feels like we connected a bridge to where Predathos is, but not unleashed Predathos, or gotten any closer. The road is just open. So they are ahead of us on that road. And if we tried to catch up, maybe we could, maybe we could hitch a ride on the sky elevator thingy. These terms, they're canonically accurate, Dani. Dani: I'm here for sky elevator. Matt: Skelevator. The skelevator. Dani: Skelevator! I think they just got access to, now they have to go there and figure out how to unlock everything. Yeah, I don't think it's unlocked yet. That's my call. Dani: Maybe it's not a skelevator. Maybe that was the white light. Maybe that was Liliana being like, "All right, let's go." And that was the white light. Mm
Ooh. So, if they needed to get up there but it's still locked, Ludinus should be able to unlock the door from Ruidus. Right? It's a divine mesh gate? Yeah, it seems like he was trapped inside of whatever the sphere of Ruidus is. So if he can find a seal, a door, a window that he has to smash. Sudoku or something.
A mirror. But he already built this crazy big thing just to make the skyevator. And maybe to get access through the gold lattice work. Matt: Nope. They go up and down? Punching a hole through the wall to get into the prison. They go up and down. Yeah. (laughs) But-
Travis: Stalls at the top. They look which way they're gonna go and then it comes down. (all laugh) Dani: Well, you gotta do work at the top. Gotta do work at the top. Matt: My God. You know. Why? Don't neglect the bottom either, you know? Oh yeah, you're right. Travis: Very inappropriate. But he built this big thing, used it. He doesn't have another device to unlock the gate that we know of, right? We haven't seen any signs of him building a second thing or- Maybe it's not about that. Maybe it's just like, do the old fashioned, sacrifice a bunch of people on a slab. Sam: Oh. A lot of options. Oh But I could say, at the very least, 'cause it's been a bit, and it's good to clarify. The scope of what it seemed like he was wanting to accomplish, and the eventful speeches he gave that evening, the confidence of him seemed like victory was more imminent. A number of points of damage were sustained around the power source, the intruding parties, as well as crashing sky ships that drastically reduced the population of the Ruby Vanguard. So you get the sense that while he did succeed, it maybe wasn't 100% of what he was hoping to accomplish. And now they're trying to adapt and find a way to close that gap. Got it. So this was supposed to open the pathway, unlock the doors, invite Predathos down, maybe, but instead, Predathos's coat, it's caught on a nail. Travis: Yeah, yeah. Maybe. And he's gotta go up and just get it off and then he'll be free. The gods that spoke to you. And I guess it would depend on, it probably would've been shared by your previous flame. Deanna. But they were referred to, must not awaken, the red end must not awaken. Sam: So he's either awake or he's not awake. Dani: In the house, but he's still asleep. Correct. Don't wake daddy. Dani: Don't wake dad... It all comes back to don't wake daddy. Taliesin: Don't wake daddy. So Ludinus and Liliana are marching to Predathos to be like, "Hey, hey, hey." We made coffee. Sam: It's time for school. There's donuts. It's almost eight o'clock. Taliesin: I made flapjacks. Fraggle Rock is on. Taliesin: Oh. More or less. And they're just assuming that if they wake 'em up that Predathos would be like, "Thanks, I'm gonna go eat some gods now." And not just devour them and everyone on the planet instantly. They're just assuming, I think. It could be a hibernating bear who eats the first thing it sees. They know something that other people don't. Ludinus is a very, very intelligent individual, probably one of the smartest and one of the oldest. Probably, yeah, one of the oldest on Exandria. So, his confidence given all these things is worrying. Well, you said one of the oldest. There are entities in the realm that are older than him. That are not like gynosphinxs and stuff. Should we be trying to find people older than Ludinus to chat with? I think that they might just be tired. I don't know. (laughs) It's possible. Travis: Just over it at this point. Yeah. If they haven't shown up yet, they're out. I've been around for forever. I can't die. I don't know what else to do.
My knees hurt. My back hurts. I got goats. Just gonna sit here and watch "Matlock" till the world ends at this point. Yep, go to Palms Spring in the weekends. That's all I need. And we saw the Voice of the Tempest. Taliesin: Yeah. She was rough. I gotta say, I loved the way that you described her in bed with open wounds that weren't healing and she was wearing her antlers in bed for some reason. Take that shit off. Are they partners? Travis: She's proud. She's too proud. In my head, it was the last time that she had laid down or collapsed. It was essentially whatever she was wearing, they just let her lie there. Sam: Sure. Travis: She had the wound. Yeah. Travis: Oh. But also, the open wounds, I kept thinking like, can't they at least wrap 'em up? That seems like it's fraught with infection if you just leave 'em open like that. It's more fun to describe 'em that way. I know it is. It's such a better visual. It's visceral. But like she really- Dani: In the middle of getting her bandages changed. Correct, yeah.
He didn't even make us wash our hands when we walked in the room. Infections. Can't they just produce their own antibiotics? They're immune to disease. Taliesin: Yeah. But are they, when they've got this toxin on them that doesn't allow them to heal? Travis: Yeah. That's a good question. Oh my God. It's just Vaseline. Otohan was just like. Slice, slice.
Matt: Oh God. Keep the wound wet. Dani: Question. Travis: Yes. Dani: If the Druids are immune to diseases, how does the toxin work on them at all? Travis: Uh-ha. Well, it's a poison, it's not a disease. A toxin is different than a disease. Yeah. I appreciated Keyleth's decor, but also, what? She's got all these these paintings of these horrible disasters in her life, all- Taliesin: Tapestries? Yeah, the tapestries. She's grim. She's got a grim streak. She's been hanging with Percy, it's canon. So, just saying. Well, if you had asked about them,- Travis: They memorialize. They memorialize her moments, but also most of them are gifts. Oh, okay. Oh, really? And there are other things throughout the chamber and the house but we didn't get into too much detail about it, but there's a lot of things that are collected or gifted from people to commemorate things and moments. And some of them are just memories. You get gifts that you're like, ah, I mean, I feel obligated to show this off. You know, 'cause someone put a lot of time into this. In her bedroom. Sam: Well, it was her office adjoining her bedroom. Is that right? (Sam laughs) I'm disappointed in you and Fearne 'cause you didn't steal anything. I really- You don't go into the president's bed boudoir and not steal at least four or five things. Ashton had this very weird moment where they were, "Oh my God, she's fucking cool." Yeah, Ashton really liked Keyleth. It was just like, yeah, this looks great. I'm into it.
Those are cool. Yeah. I stole a bunch of mugs from Skywalker Ranch. In real life? In real life? In real life. Yeah.
You did? Yeah.
How many do you think? They troll the internet for their name. Like, how many? I stole four 'cause I wanted a set. Sam, this goes out live to the internet. I understand. I was at Skywalker Ranch and they have like tea mugs there that say Skywalker Ranch on 'em that, you know, for like voiceover artists or whatever people are doing up there. And I was like, I was there for two days recording and every day I stole two of them. (laughing)
Ah. Sam. Sam: I wanted them. Did you like sneak them out like handfuls of dirt as you're slowly like trying to pick your way through? Shawshank of the coffee mugs? Did you Shawshank these fucking mugs? I had like a backpack and I would finish my tea and wait until no one was looking. Taliesin: Dude, you Shawshanked the mugs. Your pants were just baggy and clanging like ceramic clanging when you walk, like this dumb motherfucker. He's got a billion dollars, he'll be fine. What else did you take? You know, if everyone takes a mug, eventually it does hurt. Everybody takes a fucking mug now. Travis: What do we do if we get an inquiry from Skywalker? Well, they don't watch the show, do they? Travis: No. Sam: No one tell them. We'll be proactive. Here on "4-Sided Dive", we like to keep a closed loop community. Everything that's said on this show, we know we can trust you with. Snitches get stitches. (laughing) Matt: Oh God. Also, Sam, when did you take up a majority share of Dogecoin? I found this shirt.... To the moon. Cute ass expression. It's just been staring up at us. I've been staring at that shirt this whole fucking time. I can't. I can't not look at it. You gotta buy the dip. I found this shirt in Korea and I thought it sort of looked like Omar. Aw. So I bought it for myself, not for you. (laughing) You bought a shirt of someone else's dog. You're so fucking weird. You are so weird, Sam. Woo. Does that make your dog sad? That's a picture- I bought a dog shirt but not you, not you, never you. Please tell me you go to like some kid's birthday party with a picture of them on the shirt and the parents are like, "Is that our kid on your shirt?" "Did you get one for us?" "No, it's for me." "It's just for me." Oh shit. Oh God. We got problems. Oh. Oh no. Oh, oh, the prompter is wiggling. Taliesin: The prompter is yelling at us. Oh, is that a cue? Yes.
Okay. Wait, wait, wiggle it again just for me. Hey, look, it moved.
Yay. It's time for a pull from the Tower of Inquiry. You folks know the drill. We pull a block from the tower, read the number on it and Dani reads us a question corresponding to the number. And then y'all find out what flavor of ice cream our characters would be. (laughing) There are a lot of those questions. That's good. And if the tower should fall, terrible consequences will follow the person responsible for its destruction. Truly horrific, extra cruel consequences, considering that is a fresh tower. If y'all ruin a fresh tower, what the fuck is wrong with you? It does feel sanded down. It looks pretty pristine. Dani: Yeah, we glued it again. Oh. Oh boy.
Oh, we're fine. And so with that in mind, because Mercer won't tell us the stuff that we want, why don't you pull a block? Got it. I get that. I get that. That's fair. That's fair. Okay. Okay. Hi. You've got this. I mean. First block, fuck everybody else up. Yep. Travis: Oh, we have coasters and I'm not using- Taliesin: Oh, wow. Taliesin: Yes please, I would like a coaster. I don't know, it's just here, I feel like we should... Alrighty, number 14. Dani: 14. Yoo hoo. Sam: If your character was a chair, what color would it be? All right, well, sorry, Vorbote, but it's, what chair would you be? No. Vorbote on Twitter says, "What trait of one of your fellow party members is your character most jealous of?" What trait of one of your fellow party members. Is your character jealous of. Jealous of. I'm picking the easy one. I would love to be able to read people's thoughts. I don't know if I would care too much for an unrestricted deluge of thoughts from everyone around me but being able to pick and choose would be pretty sweet. 'cause all they would be saying is, I hope I can get on that. (laughing) Sweet old gnomish love. Matt: I love the confidence he has. Yep. Unfailing and misplaced. I think Fresh Cut Grass is real jealous of Fearne. Oh, interesting choice. Because Fearne can experience life in many different animal forms. And I think I became a turtle at one point which was nice, but- Oh.
Didn't I? I became something at one point. Taliesin: Yeah, it was a turtle, if I recall.
Yes. Briefly. But I would like that. But also as Sam Riegel is jealous of the werewolf thing. 'cause that's just so cool. Hey.
So cool. Thank you, Sam. Matt: Took three campaigns, but we got there. Right. Man, I mean there's a couple answers but I actually, I'll go with Fearne. Ashton's a little envious of Fearne since it was kind of their first exposure to like your family is not a disaster. I'm really upset. Most families should be a disaster 'cause they're terrible and that's why I'm fine that I don't have one. Yeah, it was Grandma. Yeah, Grandma was like, wow, I dig this vibe. Yeah, functional as far as like fae functionality in a family goes, but it's far more functional than a lot of families I grew up around. Yeah, and very... Matt: Not mine, mine was great, though. (laughing) Very much something that he would've wanted, like very, fae wild seems like a great way to grow up. Goddammit, that looks nice. Like--
Right, yeah. Oh, an adventurer with a happy childhood, it's gross. I would say an honorable mention would be to willingly be able to turn yourself into a horror show. Oh, big one.
Oh. If you wanted to freak people out, like some idiot at a bar trying to pick a fight and you're like, (growling) Matt Mercer is jealous of that. I don't have a character in the game but I would love to be able to do that. Full on Beetlejuice, that shit. I want the wardrobe, I want the powers. I want all of it.
Yeah. Yeah. Beetlejuice was intense, man. I'm working on it, man. I'm hoping for you a lot in the cosplay one day. It's good.
Hey, I've got pieces. Eh, eh. Are they remaking Beetlejuice? Probably.
I think I read that. I think it's a sequel. There's a musical.
With Michael Keaton. There's this and there's-
There better be. But he's not Beetlejuice. He's Lydia. Yep, he is. That makes-
I'm here for that. Yeah. Thank you Vorbote and exclamation point. Sam: Pick a second one. Someone pulls from the tower. It says-
Answers the question. Sam: Please pick two. No, it says P-L-Z. (laughing) Sam.
Okay. Take us to the moon, Dogecoin. It's so nice to be like the sane one at this table for once, it's really like-- What is that?
34. 30, no, put it back on the top, you know how this works. Matt: Did you just like punch it out. That was so quick. Dani: He just threw it at me. Yeah.
Did it strike our Dani? No, I would never strike Dani. It felt aggressive.
All right, all right. One strike, I keep that in mind. I could take it. Matt: Yeah, you can. Kaiti_rae22 on Instagram. Matt: Hi Kaiti Rae. Travis: No, not a Kaiti. It's spelled R-A-E. Sam: Marisha changed her name. (laughing) Sarenrae's sister. There you go. Oh, Sarah Rae. Yeah.
Sarah Rae. You all play D&D professionally and some appear in other campaigns across the genre as well. How do you keep it fun for yourself and not turning too much into something that you have to do out of obligation? Wow, what a great question. That's a great question actually. And also, if your character was a rock, what kind of rock would it be? It's too late. That's a great question. Dani: What kind of rock. (laughs) It kind of helps that we started doing it on our own. So like, our foundation is always going to be like basic slapdickery, make each other laugh, play like there's no ticking clock or need to do anything for us. Like, I always just go back to that room where we're like shoving our face full of food, laughing at each other until tears are running down our cheeks. And that's just been maintained as you can see from us picking on Matt every time he calls the blue flower perineum. Oh boy, I saw that happen, I was like, oh. That was my mistake. That was my mispronunciation of what I wanted to say and now it's canon and I can't do anything about it. Professionals, professional D&D players would've let that go, but not us, chuckle fucks. Nope. These ass clowns pounced on it. Yeah, I think if we built this rather than like stumbled into it it would not necessarily feel the way it does. I don't know if I could have handled like deciding this was a thing rather than like-- We're going to do a thing-- Rather than already kind of having a full, like, yeah. Once everything starts, it's just like, I forget. I forget pretty easily. I like the way it came together, like stumble, slapdickery and all. Like, it's hard work, but like, you know, we've stumbled into building this thing and we now have the responsibilities of like, you know, seeing how we can grow it and how we can take care of everyone who's now part of this family that we continue to kind of find new possibilities with. But the reason it's, for me at least, the reason that it stays so fresh and doesn't become a drag or anything, or just a pure responsibility, is all of you. It's you and the people we bring at the table. Like, it's funny, the core of everything we do is the thing I look forward to most every week. And the minute we get to that table like everything else just goes away. No matter how stressful the days or weeks that lead up to it are, the minute we're at that table it all just melts away for a few hours. And that's still magic eight years later and I love that. It's weird to have VO gigs where like, you know that you might be going to scream for four hours and you're like, oh, I gotta prepare myself. Probably have a headache afterwards. I'm going to sweat. I'm not going to be able to talk afterwards. Like, I always look forward to this 'cause it's just us.
Yeah. Plus we make some super serious characters that really keep a high bar of quality. Taliesin: Well, we could pull this round. (laughing) Kaiti Rae brought up a really interesting point though. Do you guys get paid? No.
Thank you so much, Vorbote and kaiti_rae22. We will be saying goodbye to Sam for the evening. He has to get home to his kids. Thanks for your time and coming. Your cookies will be outside. Okay. No, it's so much fun. It's so much fun doing this. It's like being in a marriage. Like you-
Yeah. You keep learning new things about your partners every time you see 'em. Travis: It's true. It's true. And there's work and you gotta do the work. There's a little work, but it's like... And also we have sex with each other all the time. (laughing) That's right.
Less so these days, which I really am, yeah. Yeah.
Sorry. Yeah, so spin a wheel, you know, every time before we come in. Every night, whoever roll, we do a rollies. We do a rollies.
That's how rollies started. And we figure out who's going home with who. And if you tie you, oh, oh, three of us got sevens. I guess we're all-- We're about to make a whole bunch of people's D&D game a whole lot more complicated and interesting. Matt: Oh my goodness. Oh no. Taliesin: Ugh, that's too much. Don't let Tumblr run with this, please. I know.
They already have it. We are kidding. No, we're not.
For the most part. Thank you Vorbote and kaiti_rae22. And if you have an evergreen question for our Tower of Inquiry, you can enter it at critrole.com/tower. Woo. Block B. Whoa.
Whoa. Which is, I'm sure it was in all caps. You say things in all caps. I know.
In a shouting voice. But not if it's the little-- The cold open had me yelling in the-- Yeah, but it didn't have a highlighter. If it has a highlighter, then you-- You leave it alone. You leave anything with a highlighter alone. That's just, that's common knowledge. Marisha, nobody told me about the color coded. And with that, let's... No wait, do we pick another tower question? Sam: Oh no, it says what to say. We've never had media training. Let's...
Gosh you're pretty. Lets slide, this my third time. I know, oh my god, we're fucked. Slide, (laughing) into the deep dive. Dani Carr, can you pwease bwing us the yum yum whatsits. Oh never do that again. That's what it says. It was written that way. Don't do that to me, ever again. Never, ever, ever again. See, it's highlighted.
Yes, that one's for him. I want to know who's responsible for this copy. That's our incredible producer, Kyle Shire. That's definitely some Kyle shit. You hear him? Yep, I hear that. We love you, Kyle.
We do. We're going to take turns pulling questions from our tankards. And since I am the tavern keeper, I decide who goes first and that person will be Tally Hessen Hefe. Woo. All right, here we go. What do we got? Sam: What we got?
Ah. Like Beetlejuice.
Yeah. Ashton learned that Abaddina was part of the Hishari. How is he handling that revelation and do they want to go back and talk to her more? Yes. Who's that person? Taliesin: Oh, so we found out, oh God, yeah. The leader of The Leaf and the Loam. The Loam and the Leaf.
I know what a loam is. Yeah, Leaf and the Loam. Oh, was Hishari-- Was apparently involved with the Hishari and knew a bunch of stuff but it didn't occur to me to ask them about it, because why would I?
Are they alive? Yes. They're the one who helmed the assault on the temple of the Dawnfather with them. And they found out that she was part of the Hishari cult 20 years ago, long after they had left the village. And that was the cult that adopted you. That was the cult I was born in. You were born there and then you were put up, you were abandoned.
And you didn't talk. Well, I wasn't abandoned. I think I've covered this before. So I wasn't abandoned. It was whatever went the fuck wrong and blew them all up, teleported me out of there into the fucking deserts. Wait, we know of something that can blow up and teleport people. Yep.
This. This. It wasn't, as far as I know, at least Ashton's memory of it, although again, it was a long time ago, is different. It wasn't like a big white flash as far as... But again it's shady, it was more of a portal. Are you extraordinarily old or are you like decades old? I'm decades old, I'm not extraordinarily old. Holy shit, you didn't ask more. This was in Issylra. Yeah, well this was--
It was, yeah. He'd already traveled for days northward. So I wasn't going to turn everybody around. I was like, okay, putting a bookmark here. We are coming back to this once the moon is at least vaguely settled. Damn.
So. Damn.
Fuck. We gotta go to--
We're going to go to Issylra. We're going to end up in Vasselheim at some point, I'm sure. I'm going to make my needs known. They're fucked up there. So, you know, I got needs. Sam: All campaigns end up in Vasselheim. Clockwise, that's you.
Last one didn't. Dani: I know. Most campaigns. (laughing) One campaign. Shout out to--
Yes. Oh, me?
You. Cup with thee. How is FCG doing, having parted from F.R.I.D.A for now? What was that goodbye like for them? David. It was sad and hard saying goodbye to F.R.I.D.A.. Also sad saying goodbye to Christian. Travis: Love them. It was, I don't know, I felt like I should leave the group, but I also felt like I've done that once already. Yeah.
So I can't do that again. But also, the main reason I thought I should stick around was because I'm the only one who cares about gods. All you people are atheist heathens. You don't know that. Sam: I do, I asked everybody. Chetney can be super- I didn't answer. Well, that's just 'cause you're lazy. (laughing) 'Cause I was not paying attention to you, that's correct. But no, it's tough. It's tough being the only godly one. And I figure you guys are going to need some god magic wherever we're going.
Maybe. So I can't abandon you. And besides F.R.I.D.A.'s a hearty folk. They'll be fine. We'll catch up. We'll still be able to end our days together and we can live thousands of years. We've got batteries we can just recharge. You've got time.
Yeah, yeah. Right. Right, is that how it works? Travis: As long as the gods stay alive. Oh god, what if it's like Duracell or something? I say, you have three more weeks. Oh no. What do you do? That would actually be amazing if just one day you were just like-- Start ticking.
And you're out of batteries. You should be rolling a d100 just like me. Yeah. I should. I set that rule. Hell, yeah.
I love it. I love it. But yeah, that was a hard goodbye and my first, our first love affair on the show. But now we got them--
And a passionate fiery one. It was good.
We got more. We got three ways. We got Imogen and Laudna with a kiss. Oh, the kiss.
The kiss. The kiss. I loved it. I was so surprised.
It was great. Same.
I hadn't had surprise face that since "Campaign One." I did the whole eyebrow up open mouth thing. Yeah.
Just like (gasps). Yeah, I was surprised because it's been so long and I just kind of figured Laura and Marisha must have talked about this. That's just not somewhere they want to go. Yeah.
And I'm fine with that. These are their characters. And then all of a sudden they're just in it. They're just tonguing each other. I got the impression from Marisha, she had no idea. Really?
I mean, it seemed like Marisha had no idea that was coming. No, I feel--
I know fans would be like, "How'd you not know? It was so obvious." But we don't know. I mean, in that moment I don't think she knew it was coming, but it wouldn't surprise me if they had this, I mean, sure they... In fact, I know they've discussed the dynamics of the characters and,
Oh, okay. you know what... There's definitely a conversation of it--
Just got me with the reaction. It was just like mine. Oh yeah. I think the moment caught her off guard. I don't think they've talked about where they are as characters. I think they kind of maybe talked about loosely down the road, do we go this path? Are we both feeling for this? So it wasn't like they weren't both in the same boat on it. But I think that was awhile back and I think the moment just kind of got her like they got
Wow. the rest of us.
Nothing like an apocalypse to really get couples going. Right?
I mean, it's true. Yeah.
It's true. Dani: Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Hm.
So does drama. Oh (laughs)!
And it's been sort of established that that's something that could happen, so I'm just saying in next game if you two are just like, and then I go over and I kiss him, it could happen just right here, you two. I offered to... What did I offer? The spa release a la Chetney. Oh, yes.
Yeah. The Threesome Spa. Hm (chuckles). I can't remember what it was. Right there.
Your idea left a great impression.
Huh? Package is right there.
Right there, yeah. Yep. I might forget where I am in the middle of it being 400 years old, but it's a great package. (laughs) It's almost, it's a second reentry. Oh, boy.
It's true. You're up. I'm up, okay. You're up. Okay,
Are we-- let me get this question here. Okay.
It's only if you want. (chuckles) Matt. "Where are Beau and Caleb, Matthew?" (laughs) That might have been my--
Is that in all caps? It's in all caps, yeah. Thanks. I don't know, maybe we'll find out later. All: Oh! Rude (laughs)!
I know. I'll do another one because yeah, I'm not going to answer that one right now. Wait. Where's Veth? Brenatto?
Yeah. Who gives a shit?
Yeah. (laughs) That is great. (laughs) Ah. "Matt, why did you choose Wildemount and Issylra for the party split? What factors determined the two party makeups?" Oo.
The choices were made predominantly because, well, for Wildemount I wanted to put us in a location that would give us the opportunity to delve a little bit into Chetney's backstory. Ah.
Especially given the character that I was making with Aabria, and we were discussing kind of where she was coming from.
You mother fudger. That was her plan. I was like, "Okay, cool." So with all these connections here I think putting us in the Crystalsands Tundra and near Uthodurn would give us the opportunity to delve into you who, most of your backstory has been way elsewhere. And so,
Sure. it was an opportunity to throw us into that and kind of get into that space there. Plus the proximity to Molaesmyr really was an opportunity if you were interested in pursuing it to learn a little more about Ludinus's history. You know, find some details about his past and what his plans might be.
That's pretty choice. So that was kind of all those things together was like, all right, Wildemount, Crystalsands Tundra, that area is going to be one group. The Issylra group was dealt partially because we hadn't been able to explore much of Issylra in a long time. Really much of it is kind of uncharted as far as campaign exploration is considered. So I wanted to show some more regions of that that I was hoping to kind of show. And also to give us the opportunity to delve into a space that was more, both god centric and very not god centric. It's interesting. Issylra and Vasselheim, you think oh, it's the god continent. Yeah.
No, it's the continent of extremes. Most other places are kind of they ebb and flow as far as faith goes and understanding.
Whoa. In Issylra it's like either you're very religious or a lot of civilizations and cultures are very non-religious and very much based in the natural spirits of the land and the history before the gods. And that's kind of where a lot of attention in the continent stems from. So I want to explore some of that. And it also brought us closer to some of Ashton's backstory in history to kind of tease that thread a bit. So that also checked a lot of boxes for something that I thought would be fun to delve into. So, those were my reasonings in a nutshell. That you then didn't talk to. It didn't occur to me.
What the fuck? And I was so invested in what was going on in that town that I was just captivated by having... Oh, I'm going back. (laughs) Going back. You're up. Kids don't ever sleep on your backstory because if you make a partial joke backstory like I did, you will eventually end up there and confront-- Santa Claus.
Santa Claus. (laughs) This is why I need another joke backstory. Don't touch him, not even once. (laughs) He was so apologetic, though. I couldn't do it.
I know. I wanted to kill-- I'll take Drixlitch down at some point. Okay. "The bounty on Cheney's head was set by Tuyen Otwana of the..." Am I saying that right?
Drixlitch. "Of the Prism Emporium."
Yeah. Yep. "How is he feeling to know that his past actions have come back to collect?" I fucking loved it. I loved it. There was a half a second where I thought about just looking at the bounty hunter and being like, "I give up. Take me back. Let's go. Show me who collected
Uh huh. the bounty," just so I could maybe close the loop on that one. But you know, Chetney doesn't like to leave loose threads. (chuckles) Can't have collections out there against me. going to have to go back and make some sausage. I don't know. We'll figure it out. But that dwarf was stout. Yeah.
Yeah, I mean he basically just reached a point where he was like, "Okay, I didn't expect more than one. I'm going to go ahead and recollect my thoughts and come back more prepared." Well, I thought about offering him money too, and seeing if he would just bounce or if he was... I was worried he was from The Claret Order. I thought he
Possibly. was one of the guys that was creeping since I bought... Since I bought? Bit F.R.I.D.A. That was my-
I think bought is the past tense of bit, right? I bought F.R.I.D.A.? Yeah. I want F.R.I.D.A to be a werebot. A werematon?
Can you make that happen? Yeah. A werematon?
Uh huh. Well, we have to wait until the next full moon, and see what happens.
Oh, man. Because then I could have F.R.I.D.A. bite me and then I could be one.
Yeah, man. That would be the most awesome werewolf in London transformation sequence because-- It's basically a Transformer at that point.
Instead of just-- You've invented a Transformer. Instead of just screaming, like flesh stretching,
Welcome to beast wars. it would just be metal creaking and squeaking and tin man sound effects.
Right? It would just be like (imitates metal banging). That's would be the sound every moon, yeah. (Matt imitates metal banging) Run!
Yep. Straight up. (laughs) So about all of us have our own different Transformer sounds. I know. It's funny that you two when you do the Transformer sound, you go up. You go (imitates metal banging). That's up to robot, and then the other one's down to (imitates metal banging). And yours was-
That was from robot to wolf with (imitates metal banging). Okay, okay, okay, okay.
Yep. And then it (imitates metal banging). It always goes up.
Sam, I'm sorry. Actually it's a check mark. It goes (imitates metal banging). Fucker, you voiced Starscream once, come on. Doesn't it?
Get with it. Travis: It dips, right? There's a dip first. (laughs) I thought I was a go bot. Yeah, the going up point does that little bit. (imitates metal banging) Yeah.
I will fight you. (laughs) Do we pull another question?
We do more. We go around, around.
Yeah. We go around and around.
You're up. You've done this before.
I'm up. I have, three times.
You've all done this before. Oh my god. We are on episode 15. This is non work hours, Dani. My brain is already--
I kind of already answered this one, so.
Pick another one. I'll pick another one. That just got done with.
And you think you're putting up with us every time. Dani: Y'all pay me. You're the best.
You're the best. (laughs) ♪ Oh, right on ♪ I literally just answered, that was the same card one more time. That's weird.
What? I think we got a double in there. That was odd.
Motherfucker. A double.
Yeah. "Ashton is ready to be a hero. What in particular inspired this desire and focus to the point where he is requesting clothes that are legendary hero fashion?" Oh, yeah.
Well-- Hm, they are asking for that stuff aren't they? Yeah, kind of committed, especially after what happened to Laudna watching that all go down in the cave. Hm. Kind of finally committed to, "Well, I guess I fucking care now." I was really trying not to 'cause it's really nice not having anything to lose. Real good. It's a good feeling.
Also-- Well, shit. Can I say real fast, I'm so sorry.
Go. Yeah. Your moment of pulling Prism away, and then going to Laudna and comforting her was one of my all time favorite moments of this campaign. Thank you.
That was great. It was beautiful, just being like, "You don't need to see this," to Prism. And then going to Laudna and making sure she knew that you were there for her. It's--
I was sobbing. No, it's "Fuck, I have a clue again."
I watched the episodes that our group wasn't in because I care about you all but I know Sam hasn't. Can we refresh what happened to-- Well, no, I think he's talking about a killing Bor'Dor. Yeah.
Yes. About Laudna losing her shit and just going in, Okay.
and then-- That's what it was. Kind of, especially since Prism is literally fresh out of high school. Really is not thinking clearly. Prism of the Cobalt Soul?
Yeah, Prism of the Cobalt. And so, it was very much the, no. This is just not for you yet. Mm.
It was such... I knew she--
As another person who loves, sorry. Just, this meant a lot to me. As another person who just deeply loves punk culture-- Yes. It was so incredibly emblematic of the was the punk and the hardcore scene really just protects their own. Yes.
It was beautiful. It made me think of seeing everybody in the mosh pit and when you form the circle. And it was just... Oh, it just got to me.
Thank you for seeing that and acknowledging that. That was very intentional. Dani: It was beautiful. It was fucking beautiful. I loved it.
And it's definitely now that, well, committed to the cause. We're doing this and also, now kind of having a notion of I've got a super villain... We've all kind of got this big bad to stop. Maybe it's time to not look like I don't give a fuck. Look a little bit more like you give a fuck and also feeling a little empowered to maybe make some decisions about who I want to be and what the world should look like. (gasps) As somebody who loves comic books,
Get up there. I feel like Ashton is your most comic book character. Yeah, absolutely.
Oh, yeah. Thank you. That, yes. (laughs) Love it.
You're correct. Hell, yeah.
So. That's wonderful. I like that. Some-
The things that one day I will talk about about FCG's influence on Ashton at this point but it's not time to talk about that yet.
Oh! Let's talk about it right now. We're on "4-Sided Dive."
Answer the question. No.
Unleash the doge. Mine says,
Months away. "FCG's connection with the Changebringer seems to be going strong, with her giving clear direction with the coin. How are they feeling about the Changebringer lately?" Great. (laughs) Yeah. Dani: I was hoping you would go a little bit more in depth, but- Totally clear on that one. It's really fun for me to get into god stuff because it's just not something I'm familiar with or comfortable with. And our prior campaigns, I haven't really paid much attention to the god mythology stuff. Or the history or-
Or the history, or really anything.
World building or, yeah. But mainly the god stuff (laughs). Lotta fun.
Bore. I know I can.
I did my one religious character and had a great time with it. I'm excited about it because yeah, and the Changebringer seems like she hasn't led me astray so far. So that's good.
She will. Ring girl looking ass with the creepy ass hair. I'm not about that shit.
It's long hair. Those descriptions can go anytime. (laughs) You're always like (imitates whooshing). I just keep waiting for you to fucking crawl out of the TV screen.
Hair? It's clean hair. It's not well water hair.
He does not describe it as clean hair.
It's well tradition. He does not. It is well water hair.
It's strands. Mm mm.
It doesn't work that well. Can't tell me. Can't tell me otherwise.
What is Pro-V? Dani: It's Thor hair. It's Thor hair, Travis.
Yeah. Jet black death hair. It's the many impossible roads ahead of you. We should get hair.
Oh, it's imagery. Yeah.
It's metaphor, I get it. Symbolic, symbolism.
I think you should get hair. Get you a wig, like Thor.
I just see grunge. And Ringo. Oh, yeah, maybe that would--
You'd look good with a-- endear FCG more to the Changebringer if FCG had long hair like she did. Maybe I should look into that. Travis: Don't you have cables or coils? I do. They're only like this short.
We could chia pet it. Please.
I mean, there's a lot of options.
Put hair to match your imaginary tongue and your weird feet. Just keep... Taliesin: Slowly turning into Cousin Itt. Dani: You keep adding body parts to FCG (laughs). Flushing out the character. Rose.
Yeah. No, I'm excited. I really want to talk to her more. I'll admit I feel guilty every time I do anything with Changebringer like I'm being selfish and taking the spotlight. I want to make sure that you guys have spotlight too because I don't want to hog the-
What? You should-
But I want to talk her a lot.
You're a good guy. No, you're good.
I know. You don't hog the table.
You're only peeking in the divine realm, otherwise we get nada. You're right.
Every time you do something new happens. It's true.
It's driving Ashton nuts too.
It's true. So true.
I love it. It's driving Ashton nuts.
Absolutely bat shit. Wait, in a bad way or in a-- Oh, absolutely, in a good way. But yeah, keep at it. It's so good. I love it so much. Okay.
I love it. Yeah.
Can I talk to the Changebringer more? Right now?
If you feel like it. She's going to possess you soon. It's going to be great. (laughs) Okay, I will. Because now, I was looking at my spells last game. I've got like four different ways to talk to the Changebringer. I've got Commune, I've got Divine Intervention, I've got-
Commune. No, Commune.
Commune. Summon a Commune.
Commune. Oh, fuck. (laughs) We're bringing the Hishari back. Everybody, come to me.
Let's do this. (laughs) I've got Divine Intervention. I've got-
I've got Hostile. There's another one. (laughs) There's another one where you can ask three questions, or is that-
It's Divination. That's Divination, Divine Intervention, Commune, and then also the coin-- Yeah.
Yeah. The coin, I can also talk to her that way. That's four different ways. Yeah.
Oh! And then there's Legend Lore, which is another spell I've never-- Oh, that's a big one.
Or, that's not really talking to her, though.
No. No, you just, you can--
That's like searching my memory banks.
Correct. Well, and--
Just learned about Star Razor was using Legend Lore. Right.
That's a big spell, especially for somebody who's been around as long as you have.
Yep. So, I could just... I don't even need you fuckers. I could just talk to the Changebringer for a whole episode.
100%. Yeah.
You got Legend Lore? That's definitely happening next game. Taliesin: That has components if I recall. You can unlock things you don't even know you know. Yeah. Crazy.
Oh, and I've got hard drives. Whoa, yeah!
Got to go searching. Just keep reaching out of that god four or five times a day.
Got to go- Yeah, seriously (laughs). Hey, Changebringer real fast. (laughs) I know, but just be like, "Real fast, real fast. How was your day?" (laughs) Dani: That's like me sending out Slack messages like one line at a time (laughs). Hey, Changebringer, look what I made you. (laughs) That would be amazing.
That would be so good. Hey Changebringer! She's not answering anymore. I don't know what happened.
Aw. She changed her number. (laughs) She is the Changebringer. Dani: SMS, message not received (laughs). Uh huh, uh huh.
Yep. Taliesin: How many texts have you sent since you got a reply? Oh, that's four. Travis: She left me on read. Oh no.
Left me on read. (laughs) Too far (laughs).
Think so. Oh, it's my turn.
Mm. All right (imitates air whooshing). Travis: Oh, I should get one too. (Matt vocalizing) Oh.
All right, there we go. Travis: There we go. "Matt, two guest characters have betrayed the party now, Yu and Bor'Dor." That's true. "How did you go about making sure these interlopers were very different from each other?" It was primarily a conversation with the players and what they wanted to do. For Yu's arc, there was definitely a direct driving goal that was in opposition of the group, but it was up to them, it was up to both of them to decide what they wanted to do with it, and I had conversations with each about based on where it goes and the relationships go with the characters, the stakes that are there for your character and your position in Exandria, however you want to handle this, do so, but know, and I told them both when they were creating their characters, know that it is challenging to play a character like this, and that there might be an opportunity before you're ready for the players to try and suss out that you are not to be trusted and that could lead to conflict before you expect it to. So, be at the ready, or at least be very quick to come up with things to deflect if the case may be. So yeah, we held the conversations about that to make sure that everyone kind of knew the challenge that was ahead of it, the possibilities that were ahead of it, but when I was talking to Utkarsh with Bor'Dor, I was also letting him know what the previous guest, what Erika had done with Yu and kind of... When he was making his character I was like, "What do you want to do?" And he's like, "Where would I fit in the world?" I'm like, "Well, here's the story that's happened recently," and I was explaining all the different factions and everything that went down with the Apogee Solstice and I mentioned the Ruby Vanguard where the villains... He's like, "Can I be one of them?" And I'm like, "I mean, you can but"-- Awesome.
It's a big swing, and it's not going to be easy to do. Such a good job. But if you want to go that route, then we can definitely do that. And he's like, "Okay, I want to do that." So we started creating this character and we figured out the narrative of he was shunted with you guys over there. He knew desperately that he was alone and in a bad place so he found a nearby farmer who was going through the area, killed him, took his clothes, and just masqueraded as him this whole time, Nice.
and it's a little bit of Utkarsh being just so fucking charming and also playing naive to such a degree and making choices like laying down in the middle of battlefield that made it seem so pathetic at times that you didn't read it as conniving. Yep. But he also was very smart and occasionally doling out responses and bits of philosophy that teased that he was a little more present that you would expect and also not quite agreeing with everything being spoken, and asking questions to get information from them about how many did you kill? Were these people bad? What's your perspective on this? If you go back, he was plucking throughout his entire time there. Wow.
Yeah. And then every episode he'd come to me and be like, "Oh god, I think they've discovered me. I don't know what I'm going to do. What am I going to do, what am I going to do?" I'm like, "Do what you want to." He's like, "I don't know, I feel... Do I like them a lot and do I become an ally?" I'm like, "Do you? How do you feel?" He's like, "No! I hate them." Then go with that.
Awesome, awesome. Then go with that. And from the very beginning he's like, "I'm saving my 5th-level spell slap for them. One of these days it's going to happen." He was just saving it and the minute he stood up and started doing his real drop monologue, I was like, "Oh, fuck, here we go." Oh, man. It was so cool. So yeah, anyways, a lot of discussion between them to make sure that they felt unique but also were aware of the challenges and just talking a lot of back and forth about that progression. So cool.
Got it, yeah. That one hurt. That one hurt real bad. I'm proud of him.
It was really good. Dope. Oh, yes. Chetney made the toys from Orym's childhood. That's pretty cool.
You bet. What was that revelation like for Chetney and you at the table? He expected it. Listen, guys, sometimes we have our, what is it, 15 minutes of fame? Sometimes it's 15 years of fame. Sometimes it's 150 years of fame. Been a little bit longer than that for Chetney. No, it was great. That's the whole point, is that he's been working all across continents making toys and furniture alike. He's ascended the steps of political power and made things for the Cerberus Assembly. A couple of these fucking chairs. And lots of toys with that little inscription on the leg. Taliesin: Supporting the asses of power. That's right, and he's always looking for the next avenue into enterprise. Never know where C-POP will take you. Maybe your home will be made by C-POP Industries next, or your airship. And he might be Orym's dad, we also established, right? I don't know about maybe but, you know. Roll that d100, see what pops up. Travis: Also, 400 years, you're not going to remember everybody. Of course.
What do the kids call it? A body count?
Yes. Chetney's body count is-- Taliesin: If they did call it that, they don't anymore. They don't? Is it already done? You killed it. You killed it. Fuck. I think that was the end of it right there. Shit. Well, he's been very busy. I think it's canon.
It's canon. Yes it is. Speaking of things I wish we had done, I wish that I had made an actual wish with Fearne's grandmother. Sam: Wait, you can do that? Well, I think she's a hag, right? Oh, like a bargain.
Yeah! Taliesin: Oh shit. I mean, in previous campaigns, remember? Sure.
You told us, even in home games, people would go make a wish and it would come back to sometimes negatively affect them in the most random moments. Depends on the power of the individual, and depends on the scope of the wish. Some powerful fey enjoy granting modicums of willful interest with a dire cost, often. See? That feels--
We could still go back. We probably will, and if she's not too busted up from covering our asses on our last exit, I'm definitely going to ask for a wish. What would it be?
I don't know. To be young again? I mean, age is just a number. Sam: To be the same age as Deanna? But that number divided by 10, maybe? That would actually be pretty cool, yeah. Back to my fully haired, super buff... Man, Chetney was jacked in his first 100 years. Dani: I want official art of what Chetney looked like 200 years ago. Suntanned, but super oily suntanned. You know, he's been out there every day. Crazy jacked, no leg muscles.
Venice beach boy? 70s Venice hot, yeah.
He's also six foot eight. Gravity's a bitch as you get older. Taliesin: His spine is compacted. Ears and nose. That cartilage, it's a motherfucker. Canon. Canon.
My best creation. Taliesin?
Yes, one more speed round. Matt: Let's do it, let's do it. There they are. Let's do it, all right. Speed!
Speed! Speed!
Racer! What did Ashton think of the people of Hearthdale and the eidolions? Eidolions?
Eidolons. Eidolons, thank you.
Eidolons. I don't spell it that way in my notes. A little provincial for their taste. In fact, the whole experience was a little provincial for their taste. Not comfy in rural environments. Not really their vibe. But definitely knows when they see shit people when they see shit people, and was not, yeah. I don't know how to put it beyond that. But they're older than time, right? Eidolons? They're creatures from before the-- The eidolons are the spirits of the land. They are extensions of the Primordial Titans. Yeah, that particular part of it was-- Again, it's that weird rumble of history and connection, which is starting to get under their skin, so it is very much the, do I come from somewhere? Does this mean anything?
Dad? I mean, honestly, even the rock skin is kind of-- Can you smell... No, not that Rock? Yeah, because your earliest memories, you had regular skin. Yeah, I was not made of stone until much later. Yeah.
So something happened. I just assumed it was just, well, shit happens. But now, yeah, maybe, you don't really... Ashton doesn't really think about where they came from, or that it was a place, it's just time, there's no-- Start asking more questions. I mean, this has been the whole thing. Maybe this does matter. Maybe this is something, shit, that I have to look at, and yeah, that was a little, I don't want to say spiritual, but it was definitely a little overwhelming. Fair enough.
Yeah, so-- I loved it. FCG felt guilty during Laudna's outburst regarding Team Wildemount having a good time. Did this interaction color how he feels about things moving forward? It probably did. Those stress points, man. You never know what's going to make one. I think that yeah, it's going to be, I think just generally, it'll be interesting moving forward to see, you know, Fresh Cut Grass wants to make sure to take care of the party and make sure that they don't let down the party, but also, if the party is going to start wanting to do different things, like things against the gods or things contrary to what FCG thinks is right, that's going to be interesting conflict, because-- Uh-huh.
It's almost like I, Robot. Right? The three rules of robotics in I, Robot, Asimov. You're not allowed to harm the human, but you also have to follow the orders of the human, and I forget what the third-- Unless it contradicts with the first rule. Yeah, so there might be some of that coming up. He wants to help the party, but not if the party wants to go against the gods in any way. That'll be a really interesting conflict that I hope we get to see. Dang, I'm enjoying conflicting philosophies. Yeah, I think the party is more split that you think. I think it's kind of possibly an even split between people who are like, no no no, this is worth saving, and people who-- I tried to tease it out a couple episodes ago. I've got to do more, because I don't know who's... Everyone right now just seems like, eh, gods. But I feel like there's some among us who are like, fuck the gods! I want to know who they are so that I can kill them. Travis: Yes! So you can wear their face, let's go! Yes.
I love it. So I can put their hair on mine. Hannibal FCG.
Yeah. Dani: Something's got to make that tongue real. Taliesin: I'm so excited. More tongues! Travis: It's pretty wild you only had one freakout. That's true.
Yeah. I'll just start slapping you in your sleep and I'll run. That second one--
That'll do it. Don't let it happen. How has it been exploring the ups and downs of religion within Exandria? Not just faith in the Prime Deities, but different kinds of faith like that of the Loam and the Leaf and Zephrah. It's been fun. If you haven't figured out already, it's a big theme of this campaign. Each campaign has multiple different themes, but this one definitely is faith and what that means in a very relative sense. Faith can be so many things and it can mean so many different things to different people. I like exploring gods and religion, both in the positive and the not so positive light, as just like in our real world, there's plenty of both, and I think based on the themes of Ludinus, the Ruby Vanguard, the pantheon, what we built over these years in Exandria, I think it's a wonderful place to explore what often in fantasy settings is just a given. There are gods, and they exist, and they're powerful, and they're mysterious, and then you focus on the small world. This campaign, I'm definitely interested in going, but what if small world could destroy the gods? And how would they react to that, and how would the world react to that sort of turmoil of conflicting philosophies and drives and interests? And yeah, it's getting fun. It's getting weird. Nice.
I love it. All right, wrap us up.
Bring it home. That's--
What are you-- Sam: Cheese and crackers. We already answered that one. (stammering nervously) Okay, how did Chetney feel being bait for the demon while trying to get the in between us flowers? Matt: In between us flowers? Goddammit. The chode flowers. The grundle growths.
Grundle growths. The taint petals.
The taint root. Taliesin: I'm not playing this game, because I want to live to see another session. Thou shalt not anger the DM.
The grundle greens? The grundle greens!
That's pretty good. I loved it. You always have to have a little bit of bait in your party. It's my turn. It's my turn to be the bait. Especially because I'm, you know, super stealthy, and I can go invisible and stuff. It was awesome. I loved it. Those demons were creepy. That big-horned thing was creepy that we fought last game. It was.
And we still don't know what it is or why that smoky grove was smoking. The circular ember patch.
It's just trying to be cool. That's right. Travis: I'm sure it's totally tame and not dangerous at all.
Yeah, totally. Or from this realm.
We haven't found Baernie. How do you spell Baernie?
Baernie. Baernie. B-A-E-R--
B-A-E-R-N-I-E. You got it.
Should've brought my notes. Baernie. Sam: And we don't have enough flowers, right? We could use more. You were told to fill the satchel. You have about a quarter to a third. I guess Keyleth's going to die, then. Oh well, we tried. Who's going to die?
Keyleth. Oh, yes.
We only found enough... Sorry. She's dead. Well, I mean, if she can't even straighten her antlers. I know.
You guys are brutal. Savage! She's awesome. It's time for another pull from the Tower of Inquiry. ♪ Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ♪ Thank you. Is it Matt again?
I think it's Matt again. You choose.
You choose! Oh, it's Taliesin. It almost worked, it almost worked!
You were the devil on my shoulder, and then I remembered you have horns and wings. Let's start problems. What've you got?
God, you guys! Why do you got to make it so hard already? (sighs) You got to pick who came up here. That's true.
And I choose chaos. 41. 41.
He always chooses chaos. Choose chaos.
Oh, hey. This one is particularly prescient. From Dio Raven, if your character had to pull from the Tower of Inquiry, what would their approach be? Oh, that's cool. I think Fresh Cut Grass would go up like R2-D2. Some things would come out. (mimics mechanical whirring) Find the exact right spot.
(beeps) Yes, and get electrocuted by it. Taliesin: Mr. Wizard, just (mimics explosion) straight in, yeah. Matt: One block. I've managed to do it once. I'm very proud of that. Chetney would approach and very lovingly coax the wood, speak to it, get a whiff, caress it, let it know it is loved, and then strike! And flee into the night with a rose petal on the pillowcase. Have you fucked wood before?
Oh yeah, baby! Dani: Matt, how would Ludinus approach the Tower of Inquiry?
Oh boy. From 120 feet away, and other people doing it for him. 121 feet away, just out of range. Smartest person in Exandria.
Ludinus has long hair. The Changebringer has long hair. Oh my god!
This elven son of a bitch! One more.
We're going again? You or somebody else?
Who's next? Not me, Matt. I suck at that. You suck at that. I'm going to abuse this power for as long as I can. That is the perk of the tavern keeper. It's already jiggling.
That's what I said! You guys made it hard! Oh wow. Okay, fine.
You made it hard. Be that way.
Five. Five!
Five. Number Five is alive.
Oh wow. Oh hey, fuck you guys, this question's for me. (cheering) From thwolff18, sorry, this question's actually for Dani. As the official lorekeeper, has there been anything that has come up in game that has completely taken you by surprise? All of it, legitimately. I never know what's going to happen, and it's one of the fun things about doing my job, is that every single time we shoot, I get to watch you guys make magic, and I get to cry and scream and tear my hair out and watch you all make incredible things and be surprised. I will say that one of the big things that really came out of nowhere for me, or took me by surprise, I got to give it to Jester and the cupcake, man. Oh yeah.
So good. Nobody at the table saw that coming. It's just, it's iconic for a reason, man. It was the best for her to be like, that was sprinkled with the Dust of Deliciousness. And Matt goes, okay. Remind me what that does. We were like, yes! That was perfect. That's my favorite thing to do in a campaign, is to give little random, weird fucking items to you guys and then forget about them, and then all of a sudden, a year and a half later, you hit me with it. Love potion.
Shit, right! Cheers.
I still should've, the pipe and Bor'Dor, man, I should've picked up that one. I was really hoping.
I know. I was hoping to get something. Well, that's an interesting point, actually, because the pipe that you gave him, the image that the smoke creates is their moment of, what is it, it was-- Most heroic, or-- Matt: Their biggest accomplishment. That's right. And he says, it shows all of you guys together after our first battle. It was like, aw, that's cute. The reality was, it was that he had convinced you all that he was trustworthy.
Yeah, I rewound to that one. His biggest accomplishment was infiltrating the ones that killed all of his friends and tried to attack the Vanguard. Damn, that's slick. Because yeah, at first, I was like, really? That's the best thing? Now, oh yeah, that is the best thing. Of everything he's done. He wasn't a high-ranking member of the Ruby Vanguard, so that's a big moment.
Fuck. Thank you, Did Raven and thwolff. Dio.
Dio. Dio Raven. That was not my fault. Or was it? Remember, if you have a singularly saucy evergreen question for the Tower of Inquiry that is not a fuck, marry, kill question... Have we had one of those yet? It's okay. Seriously, stop asking those. You can plop those in at critrole.com/tower. We are going to take a quick break, but don't leave, because when we come back, we are going to be playing Superfight while we answer some leftover tankard questions. Seriously, don't leave. We will all cry if you leave. We'll do it. Big, hot, fat tears. Why do you hate... Why do you hate fun? Cut to break. Hey Critters! Laura Bailey here to guide
you through what's new in the Critical Role shop. You need this? You probably need this. Can you put donuts in this? Only one way to find out. (gasp) Could anything be more perfect? It's the little things in life. Look at this. Isn't it fashion? So much fashion happening here. This is seriously magical. Go ahead darling, treat yourself. It's so cute. I can't handle it. And hey if you want, you could head
over to the Critical Role shop right now. (adventurous music) TALIESIN: Obsession
is a corruption that shrouds the mind. Its tendrils grow beyond
the influence of bleed, as if natural to the soul. Though, the unique skill set
a circle of investigators bring forth to
each assignment stand guard
against this vice. Relying upon the strengths
of your allies is the key to survival, for deep within the rubble
of a city long forgotten, the Red Hand roots itself
within the fathomless, unleashing a faceless behemoth
of smoldering greed. The Circle of the
Vassal and the Veil: "Assignment #447:
The Collectors" (ominous music) (ominous music) Hi. We're the narrators of Midst. What's Midst? It's very simple. It's a weird surrealist
fourth wall breaking reality bending science, fantasy space
western about a small, doomed planet floating in a cosmic ocean
of spooky darkness. Upon whose alien landscape
an ensemble cast of characters, including a crotchety outlaw, a freakishly
virtuous cultist and a weird, diabolical bastard, make awful decisions
and fight like hell to survive when the moon falls out of the sky and a large number of terrible things
happened in rapid succession. It's exciting, it's funny, it's scary. It's got neat
sound, weird music, amazing visuals, and every episode comes with bonus content
you can read and examine. Midst is performed solely by yours truly. As the three of us
narrate all the action, play all of the characters,
and bend a lot of the rules about how telling stories
is normally supposed to work. Midst is pretty fun, very strange,
and it feels like VR for your brain. We believe you'll enjoy it. Or maybe you won't, but
there's really only one way to find out. You're going to have to listen to Midst. (epic music) (mischievous music) (typewriter clacking) (peaceful music) Oh hey, everyone. It's me, Jester. So the Traveler and I were going to tell you guys all about subscribing to Twitch, but it sort of seems like he's not really here right now, which is so stupid. Traveler? Traveler? Arty. (grunts) You know what, it's fine. I can do it by myself, with myself. I invoke Duplicity. Oh, hello Jester. Hi Jester. Okay, so what we're going to do today is tell the people at home all about the good stuff they get when subscribing to Twitch. Oh, I dunno what Twitch is, but that sounds good, let's go. No, that's perfect, 'cause this works for you too then. Okay so, there's a professionally moderated live chat, and if you subscribe, you can post the links in the chat. Like a link to a cool hamster video? Exactly like that. So what we do here is tell like, really cool stories, right? And sometimes like crazy shit happens when we're telling those stories, and people that subscribe get special emotes so you can express how you feel. What if you live on the side of Exandria where it's really late, and you're like, "I'm just gonna close my eyes for a few seconds," and then it's two hours, and the music is playing, and you're like, "Oh no, I missed the whole show."
Oh no, that's a great question. Well, if you subscribe to Twitch, then you can just watch all of our VODs as soon as the live broadcast ends. So cool, right? So cool.
I know. Another really cool thing is you can gift subscriptions to people. Like I could buy a subscription for you, duplicate Jester, and for other p-- What are you doing? Look what I found. Oh my gosh, paint brushes. I could draw a dick. Oh, well, technically, technically that might break Twitch's terms of service, so. But, there's no rule against, like, drawing chubby little snakes. (giggles) Yeah, or, or a really long balloon sword. Yeah, or like a really thick rope, with like, two hunky knots at the end of it. Cucumber, with two tomatoes,
Yeah, a banana, you know, sitting next to an onion and an avocado.
Like a mushroom, with like a little cap on it.
A wiener dog, with just two feet. Yeah.
Arty, where are you? Should we go look for him? Yeah, sure, why not. Oh, don't forget to subscribe to Critical Role. Okay, let's go.
Okay. (whimsical music) Welcome back to 4-Sided Dive, all you lovely folks that enjoy watching us fuck around. (laughing) Tonight we are playing Superfight. The game where we create super awesome badass things. I can't maintain it. Super awesome badass fighters using these cards and then argue over which one of them would win in a fight. After five minutes, the arguments will cease and we will all vote on who wins. Dani will be voting as well and asking leftover tankard questions to the winners. The winner will get a very special prize. I don't believe you, Kyle. You lying POS. Dani: It's very special. Oh God. Without further ado, let's get started. Matt: All righty. Who's up first?
I'm gonna be a tiebreaker. So you guys discuss and then I will be, if we have a tie, then I'll break it. So here it is, I think it's Taliesin versus Travis and me versus Sam and then the winner of those go for a final tier. Okay, okay. So for this, those who don't know, both sides of this pick one of the white cards and one of the black cards, or sorry, three of each.
Travis: Three of each. Sorry, three white cards, three black cards and that's your hand. You get to pick one of each to represent your best fighter, the combination of your fighter and then you continue to go back and forth and arguing five minutes over which one of them would win and why. Travis: I'll start on the white side, you start on the black side and then we'll meet in the- Dani: Just tell me when you're ready and I'll start the timer. Matt: There we go. Sam: This is exciting. Matt: It is exciting. Mainly because I wasn't paying attention to the rules and don't know how it's played. You know, just follow along.
This one is actually hard to fuck up. Dani: Have you had your hearing checked? Sam: Huh? Dani: Okay. (laughs) We are the judges. Superfight! Superfight. Look at your hand. So we can we pick one of each, right? Pick one of each. Fuck, I have to pick one? Matt: Yeah. Which do you think would be the most badass fighter and likely to win this fight without knowing what the opponent's gonna pick. And then you get to argue it until we- Oh, this is super easy. Matt: Put the other cards away. Back in the thing? Dani: Fully cheating, looking at Travis' hand. (laughs) You picked the same one I would've. We don't say what we are, we just argue? Or we can argue it however we want to? Once he picks his, then you both reveal what you are, and then we start the timer. The Superfight will begin, please declare your combatants. Taliesin. I am a moose wearing a suit of armor. Sam: Oh! Combatant number two, Travis, declare your combatant. I feel sorry for you. I am a hippo that can fly. Oh. Dani: All right. Three, two, one, debate! Opening arguments. We'll go with the hippo first. You see, as a hippo who can fly, I have a body mass that is much greater than that of the moose. Plus the added velocity of airspeed and gravity makes my crushing diving blows unsurvivable. Clearly the hippo brings not just mass and ferocity, but is also the number one attacker of humans in the wild. Weight, momentum and ferocity, yes. Pretty intense. A good combination. Objection to one. Can the hippo fly faster than the actual land speed of a hippo? That is I think a reasonable question. I think not. I think it's base hippo speed, no matter what direction. Matt: Okay. So velocity can be debated, that regard. But the mass is there. But what is it about an armored moose that you think could both defend and attack to the same level of aggression as a flying hippo? Well, the one thing that the moose definitely has over the hippo at this point is good weapon coverage from the top. I mean, honestly, coming down at the direction, I think that the armor could take a lot of the brunt and there's just, it's just a lot of big spiky bits at the top. The armor also itself has definitely got some sharp points and edges, and how far does a hippo have to fall before it really hurts itself? It is not designed to fall. You get one shot, and it's kind of over. Matt: That is valid. Anti-aircraft antlers plus a hippo not, a hippo could fly, it doesn't say it can land. Objection. A hippo only needs one shot to do its business. And also the moose's greatest weapon might be its antlers, which prevents the visor on the helm from staying up meaning it will fall on its face and blind it from its quarry. People don't need to see. Taliesin: Well, I was gonna say it like, yeah, doesn't matter where the hippo's coming from, the moose doesn't actually need to see anything, it just moves in a direction, everything gets out of the way. Bob and weave, doesn't matter. I mean, where are we fighting also? What is the terrain? Oh, that is a good question. Thank you. I mean, moose are in forests and hippos are in sort of- Travis: Swampy areas. Well, I would say desert.
Marsh? Deserty sort of- Travis: Desert? Well, not the desert. They need water! Sam: The plains of Africa.
It's integral to my plan. The plains of Africa. You gotta get out more. (laughing) Yeah, they need- The killer of the desert, the hippo. And moose you find up north so maybe it's like a chilled, I mean, what is the common ground here? This is a question. Let's say that they're just fighting, just so we can put it on an even playing field, they're fighting on astro turf in an arena. There we go. In an arena in Canada or in the Serengeti? Sam: Minnesota summer. Oh boy. That's rough. No water source. Moose advantage. Yeah, it's a moose advantage. Wait, you're giving up? No, I've just got the point here. You can't give up. No I mean, astro turf is clearly a great surface for taking off and landing. I'm used to taking off in boggy surfaces where the traction is limited. I also feel like, I mean the land speed of a moose is much faster than the land speed of a hippo, plus depending on, maybe I'll give you twice hippo speed- In short bursts, I think it's actually quite comparable. Over long distances the moose might have it, but I again, work quick. Can you each describe your finishing blow? What that would look like. Describe it in great detail. Yes, I zoom up into the sun and as you follow me with jealousy and the feeling of loss impeding on your life, blinded by the sun as my glorious form starts careening down you see my ears wiggle just before my belly smashes onto your body, flattening you like a pancake and toothpasting all of your innards. I myself would wait for the hippo to slowly be coming down from the sun. The horns of the moose would catch underneath the jaw of the hippo, take a twist, bring you down to the ground as the armored knee of the moose came down and crushed your larynx. Dani: Question, can the hippo pick up the moose? The hippo's jaws are quite capable. But it's also an armored, it's an armored moose. That's a lot of extra weight and an impenetrable- How does the hippo fly? Is it like telekinetic flight or superman flight or is it winged? It's will-based. Matt: Will-based. So it has maneuverability? It does indeed.
Matt: In the air versus a moose's generally straight directional- It's banking speed outdoes that of the mighty F35. Sam: Whoa. It's pulling 10 Gs? Travis: 10 Gs? (laughs) I laugh at your 10 Gs. Or I should say (bleats) Dani: 30 seconds, closing arguments. Matt: This is an aggressive flight. The mighty moose is often underestimated for the amount of dexterity and the speed at which they can make turns. They have to fight each other after all. That is not an easy thing to do. They are duelists. They're used to taking their horns, having to go after a viable opponent. The mighty moose is a herbivore and is prey. The mighty hippo is used to chasing away predators. Taliesin: If you saw a moose, you'd fucking run. Don't even pretend you wouldn't. You would run for the god damn hills, you coward. I would fly.
Dani: And that is time. (laughing) It's tricky. Matt, I was struck by the voice of the hippo at the beginning of it, but then it quickly faded away. I'll have to take off points for that. Understood. I will also say, maneuverability is important here, especially in the case of two massive beings in the wild. It's tough when one of the combatants halfway through the argument just gives up and you have to convince them to keep fighting for their side. Travis: I didn't know the rules! The hippo seems like it only needs to score one hit to win, but if it misses, that's game over for the hippo. It's really down to that one hit. I'm ready to make my judgment, Matt. Me as well, me as well. Let us count to three and, it's one, two, three, go and we'll point to whoever we think would win this. Dani included. Dani: I will happily count. Thank you. Dani: One, two, three, go. Oh! Is it a tie? The tiebreaker. It comes down to me. Well, I'll give you a one, two, three. Or somebody give her a one, two, three. Pass judgment. I know, yeah. I'm just passing judgment. Moose. (screams)
(laughing) Trick is you don't break eye contact with the judge ever. Ever. Dani: The moose was better argued. I'm sorry. Moose are fucking terrifying, man. They are.
That's what I do on jury duty. Don't break eye contact. Do we keep these in the middle, the ones that we've used and put the ones that we did not pick back? Maybe.
Or no? All right, we do, while- While we select. While you two are picking your cards, I will be asking Taliesin a tankard question. See, somehow you still won even though you lost. Dani: Yeah, exactly. You don't have to answer a question. Oh, that's right.
Yeah. That's right, I threw the match intentionally. Matt: Quite the technique. Speaking Primordial, communicating with the earth elemental, earth guardian, excuse me. Meditating on the rocks around them. What did it mean to Ashton to begin to get in touch with his earth side? I mean, it's a whole new perspective on life. So it is this sudden connection to real things that have never really existed. It's not a character who, Ashton has never really felt connected to anything other than other people, and that inevitably ends in tragedy every time. So it is the notion that they could be part of something bigger than themselves that feels real and feels unjudgmental and uncomplicated and it's a relationship that feels solid, no pun intended. Dani: I have a pitch for Ashton's Superhero name. Okay.
Flying hippo. I couldn't hear over Hippo. Dani: The Chaos Gem. Interesting, interesting. The Hammer needs a new name. Please also consider flying hippo. (laughing) You were the flying hippo. Why would you give that up?
Not anymore apparently. Dani: You still are the flying hippo, you just lost. You both got your vibe? I think so.
I think so. Travis: Who do we choose first? You choose 'cause you won. I think we choose Matt first because I feel like Sam should have some time to form a rebuttal. Okay. Dani: Well, you have to say who they are first. Taliesin: Matthew. I bring to this encounter the majestic historical combatant, Genghis Khan with the power to summon anything from a hardware store. Travis: Whoa. Travis: Samuel. My fighting avatar shall be the marshmallow man who is made of guacamole. Dani: He's the guacamole man? Travis: Oh man. Oh boy. Dani: And marshmallow?
It's so layered. It's layered. It's literally layered. Like the quantum food man. Matt, please, please kick us off. Wait, wait. Three, two, one, debate. There are a lot of things in all sorts of hardware stores throughout the realm. And if Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure has taught me anything, Genghis Khan can master any of them rapidly. So to have all of every Home Depot at his disposal and beyond, whether it be weed whackers, churners, lawnmowers, anything that can be done, that guacamole and that marshmallow is gonna mix real fast, real good from the inside out or from the outside in. A compelling argument, but I have a delicious rebuttal. Please, please, go ahead. The marshmallow man who's made of guacamole is not, a large target, easily hit by your nail guns, your hammers, your screwdrivers, whatever you might, whatever Genghis might throw at him. But those objects and projectiles would just be simply absorbed into his gooey body, passing right through. He can reform like guacamole. Yes, just like guacamole. It's known power to reform. Regenerative.
Its fluidity is world renowned. It can rest on chips. It can slide down your mouth onto your shirt. But if Genghis Khan were to puncture or punch my combatant, his arm would simply just go inside and be stuck there forever. And then that's when the secret weapon comes out which is my flavor. All I have to do is let my aromas and natural heartiness seep into the nose of Genghis Khan. He's grown up eating the food of the Huns. Was he a hun or is that Atilla? (laughs) Who's Genghis Khan? But he ate their food, that's what he did. Matt: Continue. Genghis Khan, he doesn't know the sweet- Mongols. Mongols, thank you. He doesn't know the sweet delectable chewiness of a marshmallow or the spicy tanginess of guacamole. And once he tastes me, he will be unable to resist diving in headfirst and eating me. And devouring. Yes indeed, and he will eat you, for however long as it takes. For the years, the months it will take for him to feed his armies who have been needing means to sustain themselves for their continuous conquering front. His arm stuck in there, can summon into it whatever blender, what sort of churning device he needs and he'll just glide through like he's riding a jet ski through your innards, just enjoying the flavor as he carves you out from the inside 'til you look like an internalized ant farm. And he chucks up whatever left over to his armies as they rise up and eat what falls to the ground. I have defeated the Ghostbusters and I can defeat Genghis Khan no problem. Matt: The Ghostbusters defeated you pretty handily. (laughing) Sam: Not from my perspective. I will say this, you still haven't overcome my secret weapon. Matt: You have other secrets. Yes!
Matt: Layered secrets like your layered guacamole. As you slowly devour me and feed me to your armies of Huns. No, continue.
Of Mongol hordes. You don't realize that something is brewing that will defeat you. It might take a while, but the scourge of high cholesterol and sugar will eventually get to you. You only consuming marshmallows and guacamole is a recipe for very unhealthy living. You will quickly find that you lack basic nutrition and nutrients and vitamins and the sugar content of the marshmallows is far too great to sustain. You'll become fat and complacent and you will eventually just give up on the fight because you're just so enjoying my flavors. No, see, I've enjoyed your flavors so long that indeed while I may eventually fall to this delectable, terrifying end. It would only be after consuming what remains of you and winning the fight now. So yes, in the long form maybe, maybe Genghis would crumble, but for now he would feast upon your delightful swirl of white and green slush. Sam: Is avocado a super food? Well, let's say I'm really spicy and it just hurts his mouth then. (laughs) Technical question. Is the guacamole on the inside of the marshmallow? Oh yeah. This has been really bothering me. Matt: Like a giant pinata? Travis: Like soft serve. I assume he has marshmallow on the outside and he has a gooey inside that is made of guacamole. Taliesin: Okay, so it's like a marshmallow bowl. Dani: It's a marshmallow suit. So Genghis just gets a bunch of long, you know, cutleries and chainsaws and just carves giant holes into you so the guacamole leaks out until you deflate and onto the ground unable to move or fight back. However, I feel like Genghis Khan after a while of doing such easy swipes, he'll feel like this isn't even really a fight. He craves danger, he craves conflict, he craves a true battle and a true competitor, and if he's just slicing through marshmallows for a year he's gonna be like, "This fucking sucks. I'm done." (laughing) Matt: You're right. You're so poor at winning-
Yes! That he'll give up.
That he gives up. Okay. (laughing) Historically he didn't have that problem, I will say. He was very big fan of an easy target. I think I'm overall concerned by the lack of offensive weapons that marshmallow avocado man holds. It's sad 'cause I think Atilla the Hun actually did die from overeating. Matt: Genghis Khan you mean? Taliesin: Genghis Khan, yeah. The Hun was fine. Travis: We brought the Huns into this at some point. Taliesin: Yeah, Genghis Khan. You had a brief possible window. And one of his greatest offenses was a time-elapsed degradation of health based on him being consumed, which is an automatic loss. Also, guacamole and marshmallow cannot be tasty together. There's no way. Maybe a guacamole flavored marshmallow. Matt: We'll test this on the next 4-Sided Dive. Dani: No, that sounds like one of Sam's ad bits. I do feel like Genghis did not address the natural browning process of guacamole that would happen with exposed wounds, which I feel like was a missed opportunity. This is a deeply missed opportunity. But I was impressed with the vivid details of hardware used from a hardware store in all of its variety. Taliesin: Yeah, I was surprised you didn't go into the lifestyle sections where barbecues are just available there. Barbecues. Propane tanks? I only had five minutes. The whole gardening section, I just. Yeah, okay, yeah, no, it's fair. That's fair. Judges, do you feel as though you've reached a decision? I think everyone has reached a decision. (laughing) Just give me the trophy right now. Travis: I'm not sure-
I'll take it. If the debate has started yet. (laughing) Have we reached a decision? I feel like we have. Okay, we're gonna count, we're gonna point. Dani: Three, two, one. (laughing) I could have been a werewolf armed with a nail gun. (laughs)
Oh my god! Travis: Oh man! I mean, god, I...
(laughs) It was a good fight, and I knew we were in for it. I want that A24 movie so bad. (laughs) Travis: (laugh) Yeah, yes. Oh my god. Dani: All right, Matt-- We're getting to the finals so it's versus... Matt versus Taliesin.
Yeah. Okay.
Matt has to answer-- But there's a question first. Matt has to answer a question first. I gave up the Dude and the Popemobile, so I feel you, yeah.
Ooh, that's fun. That's good. Dani: "Things like the Gau Drashari and the Apogee Solstice were introduced during Brennan's run on 'ExU: Calamity.'" Mm-hmm. Dani: "How has it been taking these concepts and fleshing them out more in this campaign?" It's been so much fun. Getting to collaborate with Brennan on "Calamity" was great 'cause it allowed me to delve into and kind of flesh out elements of that history of Exandria that never had the opportunity to come up and then kind of hand it to him to run with it. And so like the Gau Drashari, being able to bring these facets of history in now that they have context within the greater narrative of the world and see those having more of an impact and reaction to the players and kind of just tie the overarching history of Exandria and different factions throughout. And I'm quite excited that I get to do that. It's so much fun. I love that it is something that you've been able to really... 'Cause collaboration is so important to you, I really love that it's been able to be this really magical collaboration with Brennan and Aabria and yourself and all of the people that have been brought in to share Exandria. It's my favorite thing. I hate being a monolith. The idea of being a single person, not only is it a lot of pressure, but also it doesn't create the best work. Dani: Yeah.
You know, collaboration only seeks to elevate each other. Everyone improves each other in the process. And so I'm spoiled for choice for the talented people I get to work with. So when I have the opportunity to collaborate like this, it's an absolute joy, and I think it speaks for itself in that regard. Taliesin: Hm?
Switch seats with me. Taliesin: All right, all right. Travis: I'm pretty sure I'm going to have a nightmare tonight. Taliesin: Fuck. About a marshmallow man dripping with avo-- Taliesin: Yeah, that ain't going away. With guacamole.
(laughs) I may have won the fight, but you definitely won the war on that one. Yeah, that was not a victory you can savor. (laughs) Cholesterol. (laughs) Taliesin: It's just a hateful dip.
All right. Look at them considering their options carefully. Yes, let's get into this. This is two champions, neither willing to back down. Sam: That's right.
I have the wild card. There's a lot of options here. You know what you're going to choose, gentlemen. Dani: If you want to, you can put the wild card back and choose again. No, no, no, I mean, I'm just, it's too many options. There's a wild card?
I mean, what I'm saying is-- Oh! See, I've never played this game either. Sam: Gentlemen--
No. I just assumed.
Select your cards, please, and prepare for combat.
Wow, nicely done. That was very-- Okay.
That was awesome. Matt Mercer, no, Taliesin Jaffe, you've had more time to think about it. Please, announce your fighter.
Immortal one. My fighter is a hipster.
(chuckles) Except there's three of us.
(laughs) Dani: God!
Three hipsters. (laughs) You're fucked.
(laughs) Three hipsters. A trio of hipsters against... Who will the hipsters' enemies be? Not enemies, though maybe technically enemies as they are a team, for you are combating a nudist (laughs) who exists somewhere you don't see because they're piloting an attack drone. (laughs) All you hear is the distant hum growing louder. (laughs) And know that somewhere, someone's not wearing any clothes. Dani: Okay, (laughs) all right. Sam: All right, are you ready to start the clock? Dani: Yep. All right.
Dani: Three, two, one, debate! Opening statements.
(laughs) Yeah, yeah. Sam: Opening statements. Start with the hipsters. Well, I mean, clearly this is some '70s nudist shit. It's been done to fucking death. Throwing a drone on it honestly just makes it so fucking typical at this point. What hasn't been put on a drone? I mean, fuck, you can just use this, I assume this is some cheap, bought off Wish drone or whatever. Nude drone. That's fine. Are you making YouTube content for this or something? What? I mean, sure, I'll follow your channel if this is what you do. Nude drone just attacking people. Nude drone?
Whatever. You know, it's just nudity, man. Why you got to be fucking weird about it? It seems that the hipsters are attacking with apathy. (laughs) What is your counter, nudist drone man? Well, for one, I feel extremely comfortable and in my element so the confidence is perpetual. For a society that likes to cast judgment on me being my true self, I have chosen to allow them to conform to what I see as my natural state wherever that may be, which you don't know because I'm hidden somewhere while naked as you hear the humming death approach of indeed, a flesh-painted drone with a... (laughs) It has a submachine gun attached to it. Whoa!
Oh god. A laser aiming reticle and a massive floppy dong that I glued to the front as well to make sure that you knew wherever I was, I'm also naked. Well, I'm just going to take... Our three selves are just going to go into the local brewpub that we've got around the corner. Travis: Yeah. Makes their own shit, microbrewery, fresh sausages. We've got rattlesnake, we've got rabbit sausage, all sorts of interesting shit, and you can't come in there. No shoes, no shirt, no service, motherfucker! Travis: Oh, oh!
(laughs) I may not be able to come in there, but I can wait as long as it takes. I need breaks to sun my perineum. (laughs) And from my yurt in Ojai. (laughs) Travis: A yurt! As I look at my smartphone and control your eventual death just waiting outside, hovering quietly waiting for you to emerge with whatever strange IPA that nobody wants to drink in your hand and I fire these hidden rockets straight into your three sternums and you explode in terrifying confetti. Well, thankfully those rockets manage to just bounce off of the collection of vintage CDs that I happen to have-- (laughs)
Matt: Shit, shit! Shattering easily $40 worth of Garth Brooks original Japanese-- Sam: Whoa!
(laughs) Singles that you cannot fucking find anywhere else. Sam: Wow.
Very-- And you'd know that if you'd ever heard of any of this shit, but clearly you haven't. Where would you even put some CDs? You have nowhere to play them. You've got nothing but a drone. Also, where are you holding your fucking cellphone? There's no pockets for it.
In my left hand! The right one's busy!
(laughs) Taliesin: Holding on to the drone or the machine gun? No, I'm a multitasker.
Travis: Uh-huh. Okay.
Oh no! Maybe if you were three nudists, I would believe it, but yeah, I don't know.
If I were three nudists, I wouldn't need to keep myself busy! But now I'm aggressively frustrated with your tacky interests and hobbies, and we're going to destroy you from afar. I'm running out of missiles here, obviously, but I (laughs) can instead drop Amazon packages on you from very high heights.
(laughs) I mean, that could be... I am waiting for a lot of shit. That is true. Mm, it's coming, it's convenient, and it's deadly. Well, so all I can do at that point, I suppose I'm going to stealthily come out, grab my fucking Amazon packages 'cause that's my shit. I'm going to take it down, go into the barber shop, make sure I get nicely cleaned up, and I am just going to strip down a bit and I'm going to join the whole nudist movement except I've got enough body hair going on, you can't see shit. I've got the mustache, I got the beard, and I've got everything hanging down. It's practically like its own little short set. You're joining the nudist colony. Except you can't see anything 'cause I've got just enough body hair-- That's not allowed! We have to see everything! That's part of the club rules! We talked about this! Where's your aggressive actions here? You've only put up defenses. How would you even attack me? How could you even hurt me? Nothing. Dude, you just, it's just, it's so lame, man. It's so old. Oh, I hate them so much!
It's this fucking... This is--
Ugh! This feels like a Russ Meyer's film at this point. I'm just depressed about the whole thing. (laughs)
God. I mean, really, it's been done. It's just been done. So your primary weapon is to annoy and confound? Taliesin: Whatever.
(laughs) Travis: What was in the Amazon packages? Taliesin: What was in the Amazon? You sent them. Dani: You don't even know.
Matt: You ordered them! I mean, I order a lot of stuff. There's beard oil.
(laughs) There's just a fuckton of shampoo. I've got a lot of body product. I ordered a bunch of macrobiotic sodas that you can only get off the internet, it's... I hate you. I hate being alone naked and afraid. Travis: That right hand says otherwise. Not the first nudist I've had to fight, motherfucker. It's a... (laughs)
(laughs) Dani: Hipster has friends. The nudist is alone. (laughs) Oh, this is so painful. I think that concludes the battle. Dani: That's it, that's it. That concludes the battle. Boy, that is tough. Did we ever anticipate-- Good game, good game, good game. A friendship and a bond being built in the middle of a Superfight? Taliesin: There's a lot in common there, but yeah. I mean, there was a lot of commonality between these guys but they were just, they were both in their own niche and they didn't get along very well. A lot of initial aggression from our nudist with the attack drone, but it was almost frustratingly thwarted by... (laughs) Yes.
Our three hipsters. (laughs) Sam: Three hipsters are a problem. Took cover in their microbrewery. What do you call a group of hipsters? It's not a flock. Is it a fixie of hipsters? A fixie?
A fixie of hipsters. Ooh!
A fixie of hipsters. Fixie of hipsters.
That's pretty great. Matt: Pretty fucking great. (laughs) Ah, boy.
I like that. I think I've got my choice. I mean... I feel like this is a rough one. It's really tough, though.
Yeah, yeah. They're both good adversaries. Yeah. Do you have any more questions to ask? Are you ready to judge? I'm ready to judge.
Okay. All right, three, two, one... Oh!
Oh! Yeah! I like-- And a tie. All right. I went with the guy who actually had an attack weapon. I know. (laughs)
(laughs) I went with the guy that confounded the dude with the dong on his attack drone. (laughs) All right, well, as the judge who is going to oversee and be this tiebreaker, I have to go with the three hipsters because I truly believe that they could annoy a nudist to the point of death. That's actually...
Yeah. Thank you, I feel good about that. That's valid.
Yeah. Sam: That's true.
Also, there's three of them, and I feel like you only have two missiles on that attack drone.
Yeah, I wasted both. Travis: (laughs) I wasted them both. The trouble is, yeah, if your missiles attack two, you're still left with--
The one, yeah. Dani: Just the one. It's like a mirror image situation. It totally is. I think Taliesin gets a prize for winning. Taliesin: In Portland.
Oh, that's right. Taliesin does get a prize for winning. ♪ I almost fell ♪ Technically got some text messages-- You also get one more question. Oh.
Oh. So here's your question. Well, shit. I'll ask it right now. "Ashton has..." Whoa, I wrote these. "Ashton has shown off some new Chaos Burst abilities." Mm. Say that three times fast. "Can you tell us some more about what these new abilities do?" It's a fun, fun thing I get at this level, which I've been really looking forward to which is once in a blue moon or is it short rest? It's a short rest.
I think it's a short rest. It's a short rest. It's a fun little retort when somebody hits or when I get hit with an attack that I really, really don't want, I get to roll a d4 and something's going to happen. So hopefully something helpful. Usually pretty helpful. Random or there's only four options? There's four options and I find out which one I get. Travis: Can you tell us one or two of the four without giving them all away? I would need my character sheet in front of me. Travis: Okay, okay. But the one I got to use allowed me to Teleport whoever was fighting me 30 feet away. Oh, right, that's right.
Dang. The Teleport was awesome.
Teleport was awesome. And then, oh god, I'm trying to remember one of the other ones. Oh god, I'm trying to remember them. I should have brought my--
It's okay. They'll show up in the campaign. Yeah, they'll show up in the campaign. Fair enough.
You said one. That's fine. That's the one we saw, but whatever. Yeah, yeah, being able to throw them through a teleportation hole is really great. I also like that it's not locked into my current state, that it's its own... It's its own randomization.
Is really fun. And the prize?
Taliesin: Good times. And your very special prize.
Oh no. Whoo! (pats legs) Is a DS copy of "How to Stop Smoking." What?
A what? Show the camera. Matt: What? (laughs)
Sam: A Nintendo DS? Live by the hipster--
"My Stop Smoking Coach." Die by the hipster.
(laughs) Sam: Quit for good.
God, I hate him! Is that a real? Is that real? Dani: It's real! There's an Ubisoft logo on it. Dani: If you want to know why, you have to ask Kyle. I'm only the messenger.
Kyle why! (laughs) Fuck off! Matt: Respect that. Respect the cackle.
I wonder if they localized that. Taliesin: What the? (laughs) Travis: Is it English on the back? I mean, yeah, yeah. "With Allen Carr, 'My Stop Smoking Coach With Allen Carr.'" Sam: Is that your uncle? No relation. No relation. I mean, I don't know Allen Carr, but maybe. It's an interactive game that provides customized feedback and the impetus to help you quit once and for all. Travis: Wow. And there's a little, I don't... Is that the graphics? I don't even... (laughs)
I don't... Yeah, it is. There's a little stick person. It's just like stick figures. It's like Teen Girl Squad is happening on the back here. Travis: Is there a forgotten consequence as well? Wow.
It's like Trogdor made this. Oh yes, there is. So as we know, there are always consequences for those who knock down our tower. Uh-huh.
They change every episode. Oh. So I'm going to tell you what the consequences were. Okay. That's amazing. Our consequences for this evening-- We'll get to that in a second 'cause that's amazing. Our conses... Hm, I know how to speak. Our consequences for this evening were that while playing Superfight, you are only allowed to frame your arguments in terms of how many Travis Willinghams your fighter could fight, eat, lift, romance, et cetera. Whoa.
Hm. Matt: That's pretty slick. That would have been good.
Mm, mm. That's how I think about life anyway. Dani: Yeah. What did you find on this smoking package?
Boy. It has a quote in the back. Huh.
"I'm pleased to say, Allen Carr's Easyway method has worked for many of my friends and my staff. Sir Richard Branson." Wow! Wow!
(laughs) Now I just want to imagine him with a DS. Does he own? In some private Virgin plane sitting there with his Nintendo DS going... I just hope we was playing the DS, and the DS just started smoking and it's a great joke. (laughs)
I just... Sam: Do you think Richard Branson got paid for that quote?
Oh my god, it's even better! Oh my god, wait, wait, wait.
What, what? "Allen Carr's Easyway method was such a revelation that instantly I was free from my addiction. Sir Anthony Hopkins." What?
(laughs) They're making this up.
I mean, I'm blind, but I'm-- Sam: This was on a--
Travis: No! They're just getting all the sirs. It's like... No!
Dani: Oh my god. It's like, gather the knighthoods. Get rid of their cigs. Travis: Well, it says...
It's straight up. That's what it says on the... Wow.
What it says. Matt: Sir Ben Kingsley somewhere going... Yeah.
I didn't play it. Yeah.
Two out of three knights. (laughs) Wow, that is the epilepsy warning on the back, though. Stop smoking, have a seizure. I haven't seen a Bink Video logo in a long time. That's a date. That's all the time we have on this here "4-Sided Dive." Thank you Taliesin, Matt, myself, Sam, and of course our Lore Keeper Dani Carr. Dani Carr! (claps) And I guess I have to clean up after everyone now. Dani: Moppo, Moppo.
That's the thing. Thank you guys. (grunts) Moppo?
Moppo. Where's Moppo.
A living hell. Has the music started yet? ♪ Friends around the table ♪ ♪ Time to celebrate ♪ ♪ It's a party, hit the lights, here we go, go, go ♪ ♪ Waste the night away with a little escape ♪ ♪ It's a chance to lose control ♪ ♪ So let's just leave this world behind ♪ ♪ Everybody, come on, take a dive ♪ ♪ One by one we roll the dice, come on ♪ ♪ Let's roll, Critical Role ♪ ♪ Pour another round ♪ ♪ Your friends are here to cheer you on ♪ ♪ Critical Role ♪ ♪ Throw it back, it's good times all night long ♪ ♪ Let's roll, Critical Role ♪ ♪ No way to lose when you're having this much fun ♪ ♪ It's your turn ♪ ♪ No way to lose when you're having this much fun ♪ (laughs)
That was great! Sam: Oh!
(laughs) Oh, my face hurts.
Oh, oh, that was painful. Kyle: Oh my god, that was delightful. Oh, that was fun. (energy hums down) Oh, it worked, sire. They love your canned bits, and soon they'll love you and only you. (sinister music intensifies) (sinister music continues) (sinister music continues) (epic adventure music) (epic adventure music continues) (stirring adventure music) (stirring adventure music continues) (adventure music softens) (epic adventure music) (epic adventure music continues) (epic adventure music continues) (epic adventure music continues) (mysterious adventure music) (mysterious adventure music continues) (epic adventure music)
