Why I Lost My Faith in Mormonism - Carah Burrell (TikTok's "Nuancehoe")

so are you saying that this public affairs gig did or did not strike a blow to your testimony and in either way talk to us about from the time of your public affairs gig to you actually losing your faith what happened yeah so i that same video that i referenced before the turning heads thing yeah the greatest showman video um i i honestly what's kind of funny is i literally forgot about the public affairs stuff for a long time um and i just didn't pay attention to a lot of stuff and i remember where i was standing in my kitchen it was like the way people feel about remember where you were on 9 11. i don't want to be insensitive but it almost felt like that kind of gravity of a situation i remember where i was standing where's this california in utah when honestly when i was listening to conference and when um president nelson gave his speech about the official name of the church and it being a win for satan it was i was like what cuz so much of um my time working with the missionaries and doing pr was a push for the i'm a mormon campaign making sure that all the mormons in the wards got registered on the i'm a mormon website filled out a uh like a profile and uh such a push everything i watched every i'm a mormon video more times than i can even think of like that was such a big deal at that section of mormonism and then the next thing i'm hearing is that that's a win for satan and that any prophet that used to be the mouthpiece of god is an old loser because we're not using that word anymore and i could not believe that that talk even like got through um i couldn't believe what i was hearing and that was a huge wake-up call like a huge huge wake-up call and people don't understand like so the book of mormon musical happens the guys from south park along with the guy from avenue q make the book of mormon musical it becomes this broadway smash um musical the church has to have some type of public relations response so in response this is for all the not never mormons that have no idea what we're talking about so in response the church does this i'm a mormon campaign that they by the way they get from the scientologist so if you go back and if you google i'm a scientologist and i talked to mike rinder of scientology this morning yeah he he admitted he helped create those so the church steals a play out of the scientology playbook always a bad idea for a cult absorbs the i'm a mormon campaign to respond to the book of mormon musical so it produces like hundreds and hundreds of these videos where like i'm a cool skateboarder and i'm a mormon i'm an artist and i'm a mormon i'm an actor i'm an actress and i'm a mormon and it's basically it was this huge campaign that the church spent not just tens of millions probably hundreds of millions of dollars buying up you know the digital billboards in times square promoting the mormon campaign this is all under profit thomas s monson again tens or hundreds of millions of dollars of investment in this campaign and then thomas s monson dies russell nelson becomes profit and immediately does this turn around and tells the entire mormon church that even to use the name mormon uh is a victory for satan it's so weird and and for someone like you that was in public affairs pushing the i'm a mormon campaign promoting it everywhere and then all of a sudden see this turnabout number one it was weird that more mormons weren't disturbed by that that alone should have caused this massive how can how can you spend tens of millions of dollars of our tithing on an i'm a mormon campaign on madison avenue and then turn around and say to use the word mormon is a victory for satan how can that prophet be wrong and this prophet be right that should have blown the brains out of most mormons but it doesn't most moments are just like oh whatever you say new prophet uh whatever you say is true forget what the old prophet said that's how we've been programmed but you're saying that for you it was actually a major blow to your face it's huge yeah i'm surprised it's not more people didn't wake up and pay attention to that and again just like i was scared at the incompetence immediately the first thing that came to me was like oh my god the incompetence of whoever let this speech through because i can't be alone in this and since obviously that i left the church i found out that that was shout out to my friend sam different sam uh he also said that he's like i wish we had a funny chat about this it's like i'm so stupid i wish that it was something like prop 8 i think i was too young and dumb to really pay attention to prop 8 that happened when i was like 18. i wish it was lgbt issues i am so sorry that it wasn't something as more obvious because i think you just compartmentalize like the church is true and they're wrong on this this issue but they'll come around or whatever like i wish it was something about women's rights or uh colonizing and all kinds of other things that they could really you could really sack them for i'm like no it was actually that thing that i participated in i was in that thing and it really meant a lot to me and i loved loved that and then i was like really offended how he like changed his mind and i'm sure you know that like that was like his there's quotes of like nelson saying that since the 80s or 90s that it was like his pet peeve i was like well guess what your pet peeve just like led a flood of members to leave the church now because of that up so yeah or did it did it really cause a lot to leave i don't know well let's just say it caused it was a major problem for me and now i'm causing people to leave so like you're the granddaddy of ex-mormonism i am your grand you gave birth to zelf zelf gave birth to me and then i'm birthing my own babies of ex-mormons it's this huge ex-mormon pyramid i can't wait to find out yeah i can't wait one day i'll have my own stories no i won't but you'll have your own grandchildren i'll have my own grandchildren and have my own set up with this nice lighting nice microphones would be not as classy as this we'll be able to say that f word anytime we want online maybe it'll be better maybe it'll be better i was such a jesus freak knowing that like oh the church could be so much better but now i just see it as like i don't know how a church can be better i know churches do better jobs and they have more transparency with finances and they they there's healthier ways obviously to to hold religions accountable but you're just setting yourself up for failure and for toxic manipulative abusive environments in general and i just saw that and it just filled me with like that muddy yucky feeling that like my church was good i thought my church was not only true but i thought it was good and it had a very disgusting feeling that it might not even be either of those anymore you know um so this is a this is a few years ago where you start losing your testimony yeah i would say though that i was dead set i mean put a gun to my head two years ago cara guess which one in two years are you gonna be an atheist lefty or like a super christian jesus freak who like i might even moved to kentucky that's how serious i was about like i loved this pastor i loved what he did at his church um and i absolutely thought that i was just gonna be a super hardcore christian was the path that i was on so my reasons for like paying attention more to church things was because i was trying to figure out if this was really true because i wanted to go live a more authentic christian life and my husband from he always felt uncomfortable because a lot of tiggs friends in la are obviously lesbians and very liberal in that scene and it was always uncomfortable that she would always introduce him is like hey this is erin my mormon friend and she didn't realize that like i don't think she even paid attention to prop 8 or whatever because i was like don't say that because you just like soured the room against us for that so my husband always felt super uncomfortable being mormon um in the comedy scene trying to like be an ally to people and it always didn't set right with him did i say set right sit right with him the way um that the church treated lgbt people and that was like that he if again single issue believer that's pretty much what done it did it for him he didn't know anything about the history the you know problems with mormon i mean the rabbit hole is obviously endless now that i'm well acquainted with but yeah um i think it's a beautiful thing though that people can have one issue and that's a totally valid issue and like people shouldn't question that if it's i think obviously lgbt is the best um children's rights issues and racism isn't bad racism patriarchy and sexism isn't bad yeah it's like it it being made up and you know millions of people being misled that's why i call it like a puzzle piece of like fraud i always imagined i've i've before i even started doing tic tac i thought of like video ideas but like i want to get a puzzle and on each puzzle piece it'll be like lgbt issues and over here it'll be like uh conversion therapy and over here it'll be like racism and it'll be um stealing things from like the masons and it'll be like conflicting first testimony in the book of abraham and every single one and then when you put them all together all the puzzle pieces of the pictures of all the church problems and it's obviously a thousand piece puzzle at this point and it'll just spell out the word fraud when you put it all together that's how i feel about mormonism the one puzzle piece is a completely valid and fine reason to leave because you realize like the jig is up you

Channel: Understanding Mormonism with Dr. John Dehlin

Views: 36,656

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Id: LDKodVzh7Dw

Length: 10min 5sec (605 seconds)

Published: Thu Apr 15 2021