Why does a successful person feel like a fraud? | Portia Mount | TEDxGreensboro

I had barely unfinished packing and my Shanghai apartment as a newly promoted senior manager I imagined my adventure and a new country would be an exciting whirlwind I couldn't have been more wrong my first few days were filled with back-to-back client meetings overflowing with bad news they were ready to fire my firm so I did what any overachieving eldest child would do I worked my tail off day and night rewriting strategies restructuring teams going to endless relationship building lunches my anticipated adventure had morphed into 12 to 15 hour workdays that extended late into the evening gradually the accounts improved my clients were happy and improved and increased their budgets and I received accolades from my home office back in the States but just as the clients were coming back on board and I was experiencing personal recognition I became acutely aware of something I was unraveling the more success I experienced the more anxious and synced insecure I became thoughts kept racing through my mind I couldn't shut the voices off I lost weight I couldn't sleep on the outside I looked happy and successful inside I was dying I felt like a total fraud how I simultaneously appear so successful yet feel so full of self-doubt late one night my phone rang it was my firm CEO he'd found my home number in China my first thought what is the CEO doing calling me how does he know who I am I panicked my first thought he's gonna fire me I was sure of it but instead he called to personally congratulate me for the great job I was doing with clients and wanted to know if there was anything he could do to help you would think that call would have made my day but instead it sent me further into the abyss of self-doubt it felt like everyone was looking at me watching me waiting for me to screw it all up so they could send me home and shame years later when I became an executive coach I learned what I was experiencing had an actual name it's called the imposter syndrome I had felt alone but I wasn't you see the imposter syndrome is a global epidemic and if we don't recognize it and remedy it it can limit our potential and paralyze us the imposter syndrome is a well researched well documented phenomenon where successful people feel like they haven't earned their achievements and you have to be a corporate executive to experience the imposter syndrome you can be a parent a teacher an athlete a student a volunteer no one is immune when I was writing the book beating the impostor syndrome my co-author and I interviewed 100 of our coaching clients and we were stunned to learn that almost 90% have experienced the imposter syndrome at some point in their careers and the thing about the imposter syndrome is it's not just about feeling a little bit insecure its distinguished by an insidious unrelenting feeling of unworthiness people with the imposter syndrome say things like I just work harder than everybody else it was nothing I didn't really deserve that promotion next time they'll hire someone with real talent Becky wasn't a brand manager for an international consumer products company she was in her early 30s the mother of two and had put herself through business school while working full-time she was the youngest brand manager in her division and the only female she was the epitome of a go-getter her work ethic was fierce her team loved her her managers loved her even though she was admitted self self-admitted perfectionist Becky was chosen to for many high-profile assignments and had recently been chosen to lead the launch of a new snack food but Becky had a dark secret inside she was flailing when we met for our first coaching session she presented the demeanor of a calm self-assured professional why are you here I asked her the floodgates opened tears streamed down her face she said she wasn't spending enough time with her kids she was working late almost every single night of the week she was anxious and nervous all the time and what really bothered her was that even though she had the same workload and same responsibilities as her male colleagues in her division she had a lower title and salary and worse she didn't feel she had the right to ask for a promotion well eventually Becky dropped the bomb that was really the cause of her angst you see she had been up for a promotion in another division this job would have given her better title more salary higher visibility she'd even gone through the interview process and midway through the process she got cold feet and abruptly withdrew her name for for consideration why did you do that I asked her and she said she didn't feel ready for the job and that she thought there were other people who are more qualified Becky exhibited all the typical traits of someone with the imposter syndrome type-a personality she was frequently given high profile assignments she was a self-admitted perfectionist she was risk-averse which showed up in her inability to advocate for herself people experiencing the imposter syndrome are often the only one maybe the only person of color the only person of their age group and this case Becky was the only female and her all-male division which hide her sense of anxiety and isolation those of us who've experienced the imposter syndrome are terrified of failure of making mistakes and so we work we go into overdrive to try to make up for our supposed inadequacies and it shows up as workaholism and Becky also exhibited the classic denial of her own talents wit and this unrecognized to value her own achievements ultimately cost her the career advancement she's so desperately craved but this doesn't have to be a terminal affliction we don't have to live like Becky and it starts with recognizing and owning our value it means realizing that the goal isn't about attaining perfection or not making mistakes it means being willing to let go the anxiety that keeps us from taking the risks that we need to fulfill our full potential it means letting go of those feelings of inadequacy a feeling like an imposter so how do we get there four steps first focus on the facts it's hard to convince self-critical overachievers that we've earned our success so to counteract that belief we look at the data we look at our career progression or past successes because that is the first powerful step to combating the imposter syndrome second we challenge our limiting beliefs a limiting belief sounds like this I'll never be promoted to vice president in my company because I'm a woman I'll never be admitted to that University because no one in my family has ever gone to college limiting beliefs we all have them but what if we flipped it what if those challenges that we encountered are the very things that allowed us to be successful think about it are you more tenacious you better problem-solver more resourceful and resilient the skills that we can learn from the challenges in our life it's a really powerful way to release the whole that limiting beliefs have on so many of us third we get clear on our strengths those of us who've experienced the imposter syndrome tend to overly focus on our weaknesses and downplay our strengths so to counteract that make a list of everything you do well better yet ask your friends family colleagues what they think your assets are and nothing is too small to claim credit are you great at building a team are you good at analyzing problems and patterns that others fail to see maybe you have the courage to speak truths when others hesitate these are your gifts the fourth and final step may be the hardest one of all you see we live in what I'd like to call the hyper curated life we live our lives online we are on Instagram and Twitter and snapchat and LinkedIn and Facebook and everywhere we want to put our best face forward online we are witty our children are geniuses we take fabulous vacations and we only eat artfully plated food how can we possibly let people see our most vulnerable side but here's a dirty little secret we have all felt like we are faking it at some point quick pull if you've ever felt like you're faking it if you've ever felt like oh impostor raise your hand see look around we are not alone and the more we can recognize the signs and symptoms of the imposter syndrome the more the less it can have hold of us and the more we can go on living our true potential on December 8 2012 at 2:00 a.m. I received a phone call that changed my life forever it was my mother calling to tell me that my younger brother Bart had been killed he was 38 years old and in the midst of my unbearable grief a dear friend called me and she was a practicing Buddhist and she said this even in the midst of unspeakable sorrow and tragedy there is a gift and at the time I think I wanted to punch her I didn't understand what she was trying to tell me but three and a half years later I think I get it you see my brother Bart's death gave my life a fierce urgency and courage I had never experienced before and it also taught me this we are here for such a short time what a shame to use that time feeling like an imposter our true gift is to live as our true selves right here today thank you you

Channel: TEDx Talks

Views: 29,928

Rating: 4.8490567 out of 5

Keywords: TEDxTalks, English, United States, Business, Achievement, Fear, Leadership, Positive Thinking, Self

Id: GT_1xv2dk10

Length: 15min 37sec (937 seconds)

Published: Fri Jul 08 2016