What is the deal with cutting? Why do teens
cut themselves? As a professional psychologist, I know some answers to that. And some
of these are going to surprise you. In order to understand this tricky problem, let's
start with what it is not. It is not an attempt to get attention. Sometimes it gets chalked
up as that but usually, they try to hide it. Most cutting that is done by teenagers is
in a place where it can't be seen easily. Something that's covered by their clothing or
something that they can easily hide from others. It's not an attempt to get attention. It is also
not typically suicidal behavior. I've interviewed a lot of teenagers who have been in this position
and typically, they're not trying to end their life. There's a different factor in play and
we'll come back to that in just a little bit. It's often misunderstood as suicidal behavior. It's
usually not. Cutting is usually not "self-harm" or "self-punishment". Although cutting is often
associated with low self-esteem or depression or guilt or shame. These are very common
feelings that are manifested. But the cutting itself is typically not self-harm
or self-punishment. That's not the objective for the cutting. Cutting sometimes gets a bad
rap as being an attempt to manipulate others. Self-cutting is not manipulation. Although people
who are engaged in cutting behavior typically need help and support and attention from others.
The cutting isn't for that purpose to manipulate others. It is a sign or a signal or a symptom
that they really do need some help and support. But it's not done for that purpose. I think this
is particularly important to understand because people who are in this position typically have a
really hard time asking for support in appropriate ways. It's probably a lot more useful to
think of this problem as pain management. This is the part that I thought might surprise
you. If it's not all of those things that we just discussed, then what is it? Most people who
are cutting experience intense emotional pain. This can take many different forms. Sometimes it's
insecurity or depression or shame or guilt. Often, it's chronic. It's built up over a period of
time. And this creates a lot of emotional pain. Cutting for a lot of different reasons tends to
bring that pain into some level of control. That might seem strange. I'll explain more about that
in just a little bit. I'm wondering if you have any experience with this either personally
or with someone that you know very well. If you can contribute to this conversation, go
to the comments and just let us know whether this resonates with you. Pain management, cutting
is pain management. I've shared that with many of my clients who are in that position and
they nod their heads and they say, "Yeah, that's what it's all about". When we think of it
in this way, then cutting simply becomes a symptom of a deeper problem that's causing the emotional
pain. This also can inform how we respond to it because we can address the pain instead
of just focusing on the symptom. Now that we know this is
more about pain management, let's look at 2 different kinds of pain here. And
it will help us to understand the dynamic. There's physical pain and there's psychological pain. Now,
of the 2, physical pain is easier to deal with. I know that might sound surprising but I've got
this on good authority because a lot of people have told me this. Physical pain is visible
and it's concrete and it's something that I can wrap my head around. Easier than emotional or
psychological pain. Physical pain also triggers your body's natural painkiller responses.
When you get hurt for example, your body will go into a protective mode where it secretes
different chemicals into your bloodstream. And these things are designed to help you deal
with the physical pain that's happening. Those same chemicals and processes can address emotional
pain. But emotional pain doesn't always trigger the same response. So, the physical pain that is
caused by cutting actually activates the body to take care of all kinds of pain including
the physical and the psychological pain. Of the 2 kinds of pain, physical pain represents
something that is more easily controlled or manipulated. This perception of control makes it a
very attractive means for triggering those natural chemical responses in the body that help to
address the pain. It's actually quite effective. It's kind of dangerous though. And that's why the
concern. And as parents or helping professionals this is what becomes so alarming. Even though
cutting is not typically suicidal in nature, it is dangerous. It can cause complications illness
or even death because of the dangerous nature of what we're dealing with. So, even though it's
effective in addressing the pain, it's maladaptive and dangerous. That's why we want to address
it and find better ways to handle the pain. So, let's take all of this information
and see if we can hone in on what to do if someone that we love is cutting. First
of all, don't freak out. To react strongly sends the wrong messages. It says, "Look, I'm
not open to this I can't have this conversation with you. You are freaking me out." And it's
pretty common actually for parents especially to have that kind of a reaction if they find
out that their child or their teen is cutting. Because you're here watching this video, I can
tell you want to wrap your head around this thing in a way that allows you to respond appropriately.
If you've already freaked out, that's okay. Just apologize let your loved one know that you're
learning more and that you're finding out things that you didn't know about this. That's important
I think --to be humble enough to acknowledge that we're still learning too. And then open up
those lines of communication. We do not want to instill more guilt or more shame around this
behavior. Remember, they're doing it to manage those kinds of feelings in the first place. So,
the last thing we want to do is increase that. Approach them with a loving supportive tone
without freaking out or condemning the behavior telling them they have to stop. Simply just
show a supportive loving approach. Now, the next thing that we want to do is
keep those lines of communication open. You've already done that by approaching
them in a calm, loving, supportive way. Let them know we can talk about anything. Let
them know that this topic doesn't scare you.... even if it does, okay? Hopefully this video will
help you to get on top of that a little bit. And that allows you as a parent to
approach them in a more helpful way. A parent or a loved one. And you don't have
to do this on your own. In fact, usually, if it's gotten to the point where cutting
is the preferred method of pain management, they need to work through some emotional pain
and it might be appropriate for you to engage a therapist or a counselor or coach. This is
typically indicative of a clinical need for help. Reach out and get the help that you need.
There are a lot of community resources available. You can consult with your physician or with
a local therapist or psychologist to help you with this. You can come over to Live On Purpose
Central and talk to one of our coaches. We'll try to get you pointed in the right direction. Get
some help. You don't have to do this on your own. Because you've watched this video through
to the end, that tells me that you probably got someone in mind who could
really use this information. Would you please share this video with them? And if
you would like additional coaching support, our team is ready to help you any way that
we can. Please reach out to us through drpauljenkins.com/breakthroughcall. We'll
get one of our coaches on the phone with you.
