Why did the narcissist BREAK UP with you?

hey everyone it's Dr Romany and welcome back to this YouTube channel on narcissism and narcissistic relationships and healing from these relationships so let's just take on a very simple question why do narcissistic people break up with us I'm going to cut right to the chase number one they break up with us because they found new Supply this is by far the most common reason they found new Supply and they locked it down the reason for overlap that so often occurs in narcissistic relationships is that they often want to spend time with the new Supply have an affair I guess to get it figured out new Supply is tricky because when they choose the new Supply it relates to the many things that qualify a supply and and Supply is different for every narcissist the most common forms of Supply are money social status social connections lifestyle power sex youth attractiveness praise capitulation like a person who just always goes along with them and some of these may be more compelling than others depending on the narcissistic person I have known narcissistic people who are simply obsessed with social status so they absolutely love having a partner that has juicy family connections and a fancy lifestyle I have also known narcissistic people that just simply want an easy Mark and so they may choose someone who just kind of goes goes along with anything for example a person might leave a long long um a long-term committed relationship a narcissistic person leaves a long-term committed relationship for someone who they know they can command because the new person lacks money or lacks social power or status and never asks for a need to be met for whatever their reasons are for that and listen there is a point at which maintaining two sources of Supply becomes untenable so the narcissistic person may have to choose and this isn't about you being enough or not being enough it's about Supply and you as a human being are more than just Supply but narcissistic people are limited and only see folks in that way the second reason they might break up with you is novelty seeking and this may happen if it's a relatively new relationship like less than 5 years narcissistic folks lack the capacity for intimacy and are very YOLO and fomo motivated so not only does the depth and consistency a healthy relationship requires not compelling to them they want to keep their powder dry for whatever new thing or new person or new experience that could come along so they may Ender relationship with you so they have that freedom and flexibility so they can remain in their Eternal adolescence or back to that other one because they found new Supply the third is shame I know it seems like narcissistic folks are remorseless but it isn't true they know when they do a bad thing and instead of taking ownership they tend to lash out at other people but that can mean that in a relationship they actually kind of know a little bit that they are not being nice people yes I know you don't believe it but they do the problem is they really aren't connected to that in a take resp responsibility way but rather and I'm going to be mad at you for bringing this shame out of me kind of way and that means that at some point if they keep behaving like an a-hole in the relationship they may end the relationship because without intending it you your mere existence becomes a sort of Shame reminder and that makes them uncomfortable you may wonder why they don't just talk to you they don't because that requires accountability and that's not happening you may wonder why they don't just change the behavior they don't because they can't be bothered so it's sometimes easier for them to just call it quits a fourth reason they may break up with you is that you aren't doing the things that are needed to keep the relationship going name namely just giving in to everything they want they may end it because either from early on and good for you if you stop doing this early on or as time goes on and you you get therapy and heal from narcissistic abuse and decide to take yourself back you push back and you don't yield and give in on the things that they expect you to do think about a GL classical glass Gaslight maneuver when they threaten abandonment saying things like oh I guess you aren't that committed to the relationship and you sort of call their Bluff on that or you are just willing to keep getting into the fights and stand your ground there may be a point at which they just label you as difficult and then they find new Supply that does things the way they want and by the way if this is the reason they broke up with you good for you number five mortality narcissistic people may actually believe they're never going to get old or die or some of them now believe they're going to live to be 180 years old so as they get older and they do and they get wrinkles and baldness and lack of sexual response and aches and pains and all of it taking back youth may take the form of shaking up their life particularly in midlife midlife is interesting right old but not old but in midlife people may still very much be at the top of a career and have the money and power they could draw in a younger partner and so they either have the affair with the younger partner that brings the relationship down or the narcissistic person just leaves the relationship they are in for the new newer younger and shinier person now obviously seeking out Supply is one of the reasons that they do this youth obviously Youth and Beauty are Supply as well as the bragging rights of parading around a younger partner and even the power and control that may come from having a partner at an earlier developmental phase however having this younger partner may also dig deeper into a mortality thing for the narcissist especially if it's a narcissistic dude cuz he can reproduce again start again with babies it does create a sense of immortality but we aren't quite there and no matter how many cold plunges you do you're still going to die however the idea of an Act Two for the narcissist and an illusion or a delusion of you through a younger partner could lead them to jump ship and break up with you because you as their partner a aging alongside them it's not going to feel good to them it's a reminder that they're aging as well and they sure as hell don't want to help you with your broken hip or did you take your medication kind of stuff ultimately in their younger partner they may also get a person who in the long term will have the physicality to care for them narcissistic people also though ultimately break up for all the reasons that anybody breaks up a relationship that maybe they just aren't feeling it anymore but because all relationships with narcissistic people lack a certain depth so too does the break up so when they break up though it can really hurt because more often than not when a narcissistic person breaks up with you they will replace us with someone else very quickly and that always leaves us with questions like are they going to change for the new person or what did this new person have that I don't they don't have anything they just have new Supply they have novelty you once for that novelty too but when you think of it as Supply and I always remind you you are far more than just Supply also keep in mind that you may have also as part of your healing decided to no longer play their ground game anymore and have started healing and that relates to that fourth point I made that you are no longer playing their ground game and if that's the reason your narcissistic relationship ends then that's a good thing but when a relationship ends and we aren't the ones ending it it doesn't feel good but recognize that the glue keeping most narcissistic relationships together is toxic and perhaps them breaking up with you is the greatest gift and compliment they could have given you I know that may not exactly soothe a broken heart in the moment but ultimately it will and if they leave you you can save yourself a whole world of hurt around post separation abuse and all the other headaches hard as it is to believe it grasp at it as the gift that it is thanks again

Channel: DoctorRamani

Views: 30,451

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Id: 7usLMELuT10

Length: 9min 16sec (556 seconds)

Published: Sat Apr 27 2024