Where is the Sunshine? My Journey as a Mental Health Survivor | Jeanine Hoff | TEDxJacksonville

I woke up this one Tuesday morning and I was absolutely freezing so I wrapped myself in a blanket I went and ate some oatmeal and as I picked up my morning coffee I stared out this large window overlooking the river and all I could think of was how did I get to this how did I end up in a room surrounded by complete strangers all waiting to be evaluated by a hospital psychiatrist you see we were the people who lost it all just 24 hours earlier I believed I failed I failed myself I failed my family I failed my friends I failed my community my life my spirit my soul so completely low I nearly jumped off a bridge but me being Who I am and always wanting to make people feel better and make them laugh I looked at this complete room of strangers and I said so what are y'all in for a college professor a college student - 18 year old high school students a grandfather a mother who had given birth just four days earlier and three people who are in the detox unit they were all with me bound by the one thing we all had in common mental illness yes ladies and gentlemen I have lived mental illness and I proudly stand here before you today because I'm not ashamed [Applause] so how did I get here how does someone like me who on paper has everything they could have ever wanted and believing that this world would be so much better off if they were no longer in it well for starters I'm the mother of three all boys I'm married and at that time I was working not just full-time I mean all the time day night weekend's vacations holidays I poured myself into the work I did because I loved what I was doing and I loved working and helping my community now that combined with raising this young family and all the things that come along with it whether it be lunches homework after school activities dinner laundry I was taking on too much I was taking care of everyone else around me my family my husband my community my colleagues everyone except for me now on the outside I looked great I was thin my hair was done my nails were done believe me I like to look good but on the inside I was neglecting myself I wasn't sleeping I wasn't eating properly I wasn't taking time out for myself and to be honest up until that point I really truly believe that taking time out for yourself was completely selfish but like they tell you on an airline in case of a sudden drop in pressure apply your oxygen mask first before assisting others and it's true if you're not healthy how can you effectively help anyone else and it's just not your physical health but your mental health now I had struggle with bouts of mental illness for most of my entire adult life whether it be a panic attack here or there or little bits of OCD but nothing that ever actually needed to be treated you know I do what we all do I'd read a few books I'd go on line I'd do some research and for the most part it helped but what I didn't realize was underneath it all was this underlying growing anxiety I just thought that's who I was I was a nervous person I didn't fly I didn't take the subway I didn't drive until I moved to Jacksonville I just thought that was what my normal was that's Who I am an overly cautious person but as I later found out that was not a healthy normal way to live so realizing that I had this anxiety and then the subsequent Depression was not easy from time to time I would talk to friends about it and they would answer how friends always answer you don't worry about a Jeanine oh you'll be fine don't think about it here drink some wine and believe me I did drink my wine but as time went on the anxiety got much much worse I didn't enjoy stuff I didn't want to go out of the house I didn't want to do things I became withdrawn I want to stay away from family and friends and I would lay in bed and then came that depression I couldn't get myself out of bed even things like taking a shower took all the strength I had in me now remember I had a job and I had these children to take care of and I was doing it and I was out there pushing pushing pushing when inside I was struggling and the whole time all I ever wanted was to someone say you know what Jeanine I've been there too and it sucks but I found no person I found no person that was going to tell me it will get better so I did what we all do I went on Google and I googled mental health and mental illness and I found numerous organizations that supported mental illness and supported mental health but they all had that same corporate you know the one where if you are lonely if you're sad if you're depressed if you're anxious call your doctor speak to your licensed mental health care professional so that's exactly what I did I told my husband and I decided to see a psychiatrist and he listened to what I have to say and he's like okay here you go here's a prescription and you're gonna get some side effects see you in six weeks Wow gee thank you a few weeks after I decide to go see a psychologist and they listened and listened and wrote and then they said times up come back in two weeks and I thought wow I'm not feeling any better in fact I felt so much worse but how could I aside from the fact that I was paying them a ton of money I shouldn't feel like I was a burden to these people I was trying to get healthy I was trying to protect my mental health but that hospital visit was going to change my life you see I didn't see what we think of when we think of mental illness they were in addicts or bipolar or schizophrenic these were people who just weren't well and they weren't getting the help and the treatment they needed that individualized treatment now don't get me wrong our mental health care professionals do understand but it's to an extent they get the psychology they get the brain chemistry and the genetics of our of it all and our friends our family they to understand because they want us to be healthy they want us to thrive they want us to do well but no one no one understands what it's like to have mental illness except someone who has lived with mental illness and now here I am in a room full of strangers and they're all telling me their whole life story and their deepest darkest secrets when one of them comes up to me a six foot five african-american male who was built like the Titanic and with tears in his eyes he put his hand on mine and he said thank you you were the most helpful person I have met this man was a u.s. veteran struggling with post-traumatic stress disorder a u.s. veteran and he was thanking me well I thought about that moment for the rest of the day and I thought about what are we missing here what is it that we are doing wrong what can we do to change this and most importantly what can I do heck I'll go out there I'll change this so let's look at the facts the National Alliance on Mental Illness approximates that one in four individuals struggles with a mental illness or basically you guys over there but for those of you who are like me and not good at math that's 62 million 62 million adults living with in the u.s. struggle with mental illness at least 15 million of them alone struggle with depression right here in Northeast Florida we have more suicides per year than homicides yeah you heard that correctly google it yourself I'm serious more suicides than homicides Nassau clay Duval st. Johns County we hear about suicide on the news every single day wrong we hear about homicide every day think about when the last time you heard suicide was the Florida times-union recently reported that the Duval County Jail system is the largest provider of mental health services in Northeast Florida our Jail not our hospitals not our doctors not our psychologists or our social workers our jail system meanwhile the substance abuse and mental health services administration are you governmental administration states that in the state of Florida 88% of individuals with mental illness live at home that's right we're not homeless we're not living in the jails we're not living in the streets or in the State Hospital we're at home well you know those people in our jail system they to 1.so started at home think about that this needs to change and how do we evoke this change well how are we treating mental illness in America think about this primarily one of two ways psychiatry and psychology right we know that psychiatry works we know that medication works we know psychology works we know that talk therapy works but with these come hefty prices co-pays coinsurance is side effects and if you don't have health care you're paying a lot of money or you're not getting services and when do we treat mental illness when we get to crisis mode yes when people are so desperate that they can't sleep they can't eat they cannot get out of bed or worse when they consider suicide or attempted well this brings me to a new plan think about this look at how we're treating mental illness it's the reason why I founded where is the sunshine what if we approach mental health like we approach other illnesses through early intervention not just simple early intervention early intervention with the use of peer support well it's happening ladies and gentlemen and it's happening right here in Jacksonville right now organizations like mind over music movement I still matter Active Minds at the University of North Florida D stigmatize me we have joined together we are out there helping the people who look like us and we have joined with our national alliance on mental illnesses local chapter to create a mental health Renaissance and we are working with Mental Health America with the depression and bipolar support alliance and with the American Foundation on suicide prevention and all other organizations to reach a broader audience so people who look like me know that there is help out there from people who look like them but we need more we need our lawmakers involved we need our law enforcement involved we need our mental health professionals on board we need them to know that we are available to support them to provide services and help them out they say in cancer the earlier it is caught the better your chances are for recovery and survival we need to look at mental illness the same exact way we should never let anyone get to Stage four I have to get to Stage four in order for my life to become something more amazing than it ever has been but I assure all of you this is a rarity most people don't have this most people are alone scared frightened they need your support they need your help and compassion because these are the people who are on the grocery line on your kids carpool line outside of school they're your kids teachers they're your friends they are the people sitting next to you I recently participated in the out of darkness walk for Suicide Prevention and as I across the Main Street bridge I looked down at the water and I looked at my husband and my three boys I did not feel like a burden to any of them in fact I am the happiest I have ever been thank you you [Applause]

Channel: TEDx Talks

Views: 33,772

Keywords: TEDxTalks, English, United States, Social Science, Mental health

Id: 37nPbMq5QY0

Length: 15min 22sec (922 seconds)

Published: Mon Dec 12 2016