When You Heal These Behaviors Everything Gets Better

the most damaging part of having childhood PTSD and you know at first you think it's what happened to you when you were small and yes that was bad but the part that really holds you back in present time is the self-defeating Behavior the many behaviors that you're still doing as a result of the wounds that you're still carrying as a result of the neurological dysregulation and the hurt self-esteem the problems connecting with people and knowing how the regular World works you put those all together and self-defeating behaviors come out and I'm going to tell you what I mean by that which behaviors are common for traumatized people like you might recognize a few of them and then I'm going to ask you to stay with me all the way to the end of the video because I'm going to describe to you what it's like when those self-defeating behaviors have lifted what's on the other side of them and it's good and that's what happens when your trauma is healing so don't worry that you have to be perfect don't worry that you have to be a hundred percent healed there really is no such thing as that there's a Groove that you get into through having good tools to recognize and handle the emotional and neurological symptoms that come up as we go through the day and also through having a community of supportive people and I'm going to talk in this video about how to find that for yourself now when you have tools and support your healing can accelerate do you need to take some actions to get this accelerated feeling going yes you need intentional action you need courageous action you can go slowly if that feels better or you can go faster and I think for me the decision to commit myself to my own healing process happened when I recognized my own self-defeating behaviors that was it that was a really powerful turning point for me because until that time I'd Focus so heavily on what happened the abuse that happened the neglect The Bullying from other kids and siblings and ostracization from groups and adults in my life those were traumatizing but I just found I couldn't do anything about what other people had done in the past and if I could recognize the stuff that I was doing in present time that was something worth working on because it was something I could change and to be honest early in my healing I really was not clear what I was doing to cause problems I just knew I was drowning in problems so I want to start with a list of self-defeating behaviors that might be helpful for you to go oh yeah I do that and knowing what these are isn't so you can beat yourself up but as you listen you might identify one or two that if you healed these even if you don't know yet how to heal them it would make a huge difference in your life so take note of that and then not to end on a discouraging note I'm going to go through what it looks like when these very problems are healing and I guarantee you you will recognize some of these signs of healing in yourself no matter how far along you are they're already happening so we'll get to the signs of healing but we'll start with the self-defeating behaviors okay here we go number one neglect of body now this could be avoidance of medical and dental care or even harming yourself it could be wearing inappropriate or shabby clothes it could be having poor hygiene or it could be neglect of you know just exercise food that you need just normal stuff that is hard to put together when you are in active cptsd symptoms the second one is blame and this is the difficulty seeing your own role in problems it can be like victim thinking you can't see how there's any possible way you could have done it differently or maybe next time and it results in like bitterness slandering other people it's a belief that all your problems are the result of a certain person a certain event a certain country a political party a group of people you know you hear this all the time you know it's all because of men or that's a group of people right so that would be blame number three is black and white thinking traumatized people are often drawn to extreme views groups authority figures and belief systems and a sign of this is if you are constantly being outraged at someone in your life at the news that kind of thing like you're always like at nine you know black and white thinking costs you the freedom to disagree or step back from conflicts with other people you end up dominating other people slandering them cutting off contact with friends family people outside your group where there really was hope but because you are in black and white thinking there is nothing that can ever be worked out number four is numbing with substances and traumatized people aren't the only ones who do this but we have a statistically High rate of substance abuse and addiction now you may be trying to relieve stress with alcohol or drugs or maybe taking more or different medication than prescribed that is a self-defeating behavior number five is doing this with food eating addictively binging on food especially carbohydrates not eating enough or obsessing on how you look or how much you weigh or what you're going to eat next or the correct way of eating and that has a name by the way the obsession with correct way of eating is called orthorexia It's On The Rise number six is addictive use of media and entertainment and this is when we use TV social media internet and games enough to interfere with sleep and meals in our daily routine or family responsibilities or work or school or their ability to make a living and by screens I also mean these things right right oh my gosh it's walk around walk around a public place and just see how many people are looking at their phone I've noticed it's maybe about 50 percent at any given time weird huh number seven is dishonesty and this includes exaggerating hiding important personal truths or preferences about yourself from other people lying stealing cheating tax evasion illegal activity all right eight is work problems and this this could be very broad this would be if you have let's say a chronic adversarial relationship with your boss or your co-workers or if you chronically stay in unfulfilling work I mean there's so many problems you could have at work it's part of you know it's definitely part of a self-defeating Behavior if you're under earning if you're neglecting a healthy need for Learning and skill development if you have unusually long or frequent periods of unemployment or maybe you have a pattern of suing your employer or thinking about suing them or getting sued by them this could be a trauma-driven pattern okay number nine is irritability and things like frequent arguments falling out with friends neighbors Partners family members ranting flying into a age road rage mistreating people taking revenge or actually committing violence number 10 is an attraction to troubled partners and friends and this is so common for people neglected and abused in childhood what this looks like is being repeatedly drawn into relationships that turn out to be abusive or controlling or damaging to the other relationships in your life or to to your family or to your finances and this attraction to troubled people may also be in play if you find yourself claiming that everybody in my life is abusive or everybody in my life is a narcissist for example but you stay with them and rationalize why that's necessary that would be a self-defeating Behavior 11 is being in an unfulfilling romantic life now maybe you've had no dating relationships or you've stayed in a bad relationship too long or you've created or stayed in a Loveless partnership that would be one a self-defeating Behavior but another one could be called abuse of sexuality and this includes using an overly sexualized appearance or conduct to the point that you lose your dignity or you get into situations you never wanted to be in and your emotional security and your ability to be real around sex and relationship Dynamics starts to get like damaged it includes doing things that you don't want to do or that make you feel ashamed and people with childhood PTSD have a higher than average rate of you know for example unwanted pregnancy and a higher than average rate of compulsive behaviors around sex so that's definitely a part of trauma the next one is an addictive use of fantasy and this could be around your career success or more commonly around relationships and it includes fleeing reality when things are tough you know you just go right out into the fantasy not really being here to solve problems or listen or talk things out not being in touch with reality fantasy can lead to a failure to take reasonable action and to have huge unrealistic expectations and make huge unrealistic promises you inflate the importance of relationships and events and personal attributes and Prospects at the extreme it can become Obsession it can become stalking and it can lead to a neglect of your health your work and your family obligations number 14 is the avoidance of people responsibility and participation now this includes isolating becoming what's called socially anorectic or avoidant or covert avoidance where you you know technically participate in things or accept invitations but when you're there you don't connect everybody's at arm's length some people do this as individuals but some people do it as a couple or as a family or as a group or like a cult is an example of this where there's a disconnection and avoidance of connection with the outside community 15 is deading and this means living beyond your ability to pay for things like your home your car the things you do for fun as it gets worse you might get into gambling your debt growing and growing and problems like foreclosure bankruptcy homelessness and for traumatized people debting often goes hand in hand with just kind of a vagueness about you know what would be the path to solvency what is the amount that they spend vagueness so 16 is repeating traumatic patterns maybe you have a seeming inability to detect trouble or step back when trouble shows up in your life or you relapse into a traumatized State again and again and again triggering deepening of depression rage collapse reversion to Old behaviors and you can see how you know of traumatized person can't always help this happening but I'm just saying it is a behavior and if it's happening it is holding you down the reassuring thing is that these are all common and normal symptoms in people who were traumatized as kids and if you have these behaviors you're normal and unfortunately now that we're grown no one is coming to save us it doesn't matter how accurately you can figure out why these behaviors took root in you what matters is that you unroot them some of it is hard some is easy some takes time but some can change very quickly and you'll find that if you can change one thing then that creates this little space where another thing can change and then another and then another and that is how healing happens with tools and support to take one good action after another what tools can you use well maybe you have some already 12-step programs therapy my programs you can click on the links below my videos all of them you can find the programs including my free course the daily practice and the free calls that go with that you can always join me in that at the end of this video I'll remind you to click on that stuff but the most important thing I want to share with you is the vision of what it can be like when these behaviors heal now I didn't think I could possibly heal from my childhood PTSD but now I'm here to tell you how I did it and in this video what it feels like what changes when that healing happens how will you know are you ready all right these are the signs that your trauma wounds are healing number one when your trauma is healing you will no longer tend to see things in black and white terms people yourself and situations you will no longer hold them up as all good or put them down as all bad you'll begin to appreciate the complex complexity of things and the way that people can have faults but they can be decent people anyway you'll have less outrage and more curiosity you'll have less impatience and more persistence you'll lose the attraction to extreme views and authority figures and you'll gain the ability to interact with a variety of people relationships where one person dominates the other one they'll just get more equal or they'll fade away it will be less necessary to cut people out of your life number two is you'll have a natural desire to care for your body in part because you're you're going to have less drama in your life and you'll have more energy to do things like take a walk floss your teeth shop for clothes that look good on you I still find that hard actually I don't like shopping but you will feel a little better now when you find yourself feeling too slumpy to leave the house or too tired from watching TV until one o'clock in the morning that you feel like I can't do anything it'll just come to feel like that pattern is not worth it anymore you will want the things that having energy brings one little step after another will lead to more clarity more enthusiasm for your life and a desire to do even more good things for yourself number three is you will naturally crave healthier food and being at the effect of past trauma can lead to all kinds of food problems obesity malnutrition eating disorders and it can lead to a tendency to deal with stress by binging on carbs and sugar oh they feel so relaxing at first right but they're dysregulating in the long run they don't feel good they're draining and as you heal you won't want that feeling number four you'll lose that compulsive desire to binge on screens including TV and video games and just plain looking at your phone all the time if your screen time has interfered with you know your sleep your meals your work your ability to be present with your loved ones then the release from addictive behavior will be life-changing for you moderation actually feels kind of good after a while number five is you're not going to be tempted anymore to fake the truth things like exaggerating hiding important information about yourself or lying about things it's not going to be necessary you won't need to or because you're not going to feel ashamed of yourself you're not going to have so much to hide eventually you'll have nothing to hide it's all worked out being honestly yourself will feel good and when you're not being real you'll start to have real discomfort you'll actually want the truth to filter through your life and if there's anyone still in your life who can't handle who you really are you'll feel more acceptance that they might just no longer belong in your life the people who leave your life will leave a nice little spot where other people who love and accept you can come in and be your friend number six is your work life will start to go better and you won't stay stuck in unfulfilling work you'll change your relationship to your current job or you will get a new one you'll have the power to do that and if a lack of work has been your problem all the good changes that are happening in the rest of your life are going to make it easier to get work and to earn money that supports you and the people who count on you you're going to know how to steer clear of exploitative or abusive employers that won't just keep happening over and over again for mysterious reasons you'll lose your appetite to be in conflict with people on the job and you're going to get the ability to show up to do good work to be an encourager of your co-workers to be you know to enjoy that cooperation and that teamwork and then also to advocate for yourself and your own ideas and getting credit when it's appropriate number seven is you'll lose interest in assigning blame to yourself or other people for problems and focus instead on just finding good Solutions you're going to feel less angry you're not going to be so irritable and when something is your fault it'll be so easy to just own it and say ah I'm sorry and when someone else owes you an apology but doesn't give it to you which is most of the time don't dwell on it you won't there's no need it doesn't affect you so much anymore blame filled talking you know gossip news social media posts it will just start to feel bad it puts a bad taste in your mouth people in your life may not know why but they'll feel better about themselves when they're around you hmm number eight is any attraction you once had to unavailable partners and troubled friends will just let go of you you'll be released so much life damage is done by these self-defeating behaviors connecting and bonding with and staying with people who are trouble avoiding any kind of intimacy with people at all even though it's what you long for or abusing intimacy by acting out sexually which is still a way of having no intimacy by the way these are also part of cptsd that can take persistence to change but when you've made real progress in the other areas it will be easier to stop re-traumatizing yourself in these ways the spell gets broken it is like that right it's like being under a spell everything seems so real and then poof you see you see the truth so then what's left is peace peace when you're single and the possibility of Harmony in real love when you do meet someone number nine is you will start to prefer reality to Fantasy and the tendency to check out by spending too much time in limerent obsessive fantasy relationships or Fantastical business success ideas is really common with people in the middle of trauma but in the end that fantasy level that that much fantasy it's just another way to avoid real problems and the actions that need to be taken when you're healing it feels less necessary to go into fantasy and when you catch yourself daydreaming you can come back to the place where true connection and pursuit of your dreams is really possible which is right here right now number 10 is your material well-being will improve now most people in the world including most happy people live good lives without being rich and famous and you know most of the world lives on very little money at all financial hardship can fall on anyone but when you're free of trauma it's more possible to earn a steady income to stay safe in that way to let go of get rich quick schemes and to live within your means that takes a high level of Consciousness doesn't it you can release the fear of the past when if you're like many of us you may have been just a few hundred dollars away from homelessness too many days of the year I've been there it all gets better when you're healing a little here a little there you could sleep at night you can handle the hard days when they happen you can hold your head up even though you make mistakes because you're not sabotaging yourself in ways that make you ashamed anymore this is what healing feels like when you're not re-traumatized all the time so don't get discouraged there are things you can do to start your healing right now I've got a full set of courses and programs Linked In the description section Below on or on my website at crappychildhoodferry.com and so that you you can have hope like right this second I'm going to leave you with my free download where all the signs of healing I just shared with you like it's transcribed and it's right here and I will see you very soon [Music] thank you

Channel: Crappy Childhood Fairy

Views: 203,425

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Id: mRQIqh449a8

Length: 20min 39sec (1239 seconds)

Published: Mon Jul 17 2023