What Some Women Say About Their Husbands (1/2) || Ustadh Muhammad Tim Humble || AMAU

what a pool fill called an Imagi a teehee [Music] wahoo well mustafa hardy when a wa l-hamdu lillahi rabbil alameen wa sallahu wa salam ala abdullah he wa rasuluh nabina muhammad wa ala alihi wa sahbihi ajma'in assalamu alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatu we begin as always by praising Allah Azza WA JAL and by sending peace and blessings and salutations and asking Allah to exalt the mention grant peace to our messenger muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa seldom to his family and his companions we are talking about the Muslim family and this short course which is brought to you by a madrasah to her Maria is a course which is gonna cover all the aspects of the Muslim family shall allahu ta'ala and as we said after we did a general introduction to the muslim family and some of the ayat which have been revealed in the Quran and some of the hadith that the prophet sallallaahu Harley or Selim said about the Muslim family and then we went on to talk about marriage and we've reached the point where we are talking about the characteristics of the ideal husband now at this point I think is really beneficial that we bring back in the hadith of um Zara and if you remember I had quoted to you the hadith of Em's are a part of it just the part that relates to um Zara and a bazaar and their family I had quoted it to you in a previous lesson and I quoted it to you from the point of just showing kind of like an example of a Muslim family where everything's going right the wife is happy with a husband the husband is happy with the wife and the children and the parents and they you know even the servant girl in the house everything is wonderful so we gave that as an example but I want to come back to the hadith now I'm not going to give an explanation of everything in the Heidi to the sense in the sense of how I might have done in previous videos or in other lectures where I might have gone through the Heidi from you know beginning to end word by word but what I'm gonna do in Charlotte is we're gonna go through the whole hadith and we're gonna look at it from the angle of the ideal husband we're gonna look at what those women had to say about their husbands and what we can learn about that in terms of how a husband should be or shouldn't be because it's it's an absolute goldmine it's an amazing resource of eleven women who don't conceal anything about their husbands tell everything there is to tell and you see a lot of the positives and negatives about the husband and these are positives and negatives that were affirmed by Islam I that that Islam agreed that they are you know things which are either positive or negative depending on what it is so it is something where we can learn a lot about what a husband should be like and what a husband shouldn't be like so this hadith is the hadith of Aisha or of the Ilana and her and her call it jealousy a short Umrah fatah Edna what are Kutner and lactam Nemean akbari as were G Hinda Shia I shall rated that 11 women sat together ie they sat they came together in a magistrate gathering and they agreed and they promised each other that they would not conceal anything from there or anything about their husbands positive or negative now generally speaking we talk about just just so that we understand the ruling here it's not generally permissible for a woman to inform what her husband is like in this kind of situation because that would be RIBA it would be backbiting unless she's going to Akali to complain or a counselor or something like that it wouldn't be permissible but here it's not if you imagine Aisha is telling the prophets I Selim about eleven women a story which happened the prophets by some doesn't know those eleven women at all their husbands and it's she's telling something that happened so that's not a matter of it's not that Aisha is doing anything wrong and of course the prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam wouldn't have let her continue if she was doing anything wrong but just to clarify that if it was a real-life situation that happened today it wouldn't be allowed for a woman to tell the secrets of how her husband is unless she has one of the reasons which makes that permissible like she's speaking in front of a collie or she had to go to ask a fatwa or something like that but here when it says that they won't conceal anything from what their husbands did that means positive or negative so they're gonna mention the positives and then I mentioned the negatives even though the negatives are are quite a lot in this hadith but we can take from those as well because we can reverse them around and say well if that's a negative what would what do we take from that what is the positive from piloted Allah Shoji Limoge emmalin-- wrath olara see Jeb le noir less Helen fire taco while a semi known Faye and Tucker the first one she said my husband is like the meat of a tough alien camel on a high mountain he's not easy so that you can reach him and he's not meaty so that you can bring it down or it's not meaty and in the meat of the camel is not say mean it's not fatty so that it's worth bringing down so what is this what does she mean and what can we benefit from this in the description of the ideal husband first of all she's criticizing her husband this is them she's criticizing him she's complaining about him she's got nothing good to say about him she said he is llama German he is the meat of a camel so she didn't mention the meat of a lamb which might be soft and you know easy to eat meat of a comet's tough it's chewy so he's rough and tough he's a tough guy he's got tough personality you know like you have to you have to be patient with him and he's not just the meat of a camel he's a meat of a camel which is a rough it's lean there's not even any meat on it it's like you you have no it's like a thin camel that doesn't have any proper meat on it so what little good is there is tough what little good is there it's tough it's it's it's not it's not nice it's not what people would wish for so this indicates first of all that his o'clock poor aha poor manners and that he's he's tough to get hold of tough to reach tough to interact with tough to live with and then even when she makes the effort she said less say I don't fail taka it's not easy to get to him so he's not accessible he's not accessible and that doesn't mean necessary he's not in the house he that could be one thing because there's two ways that a man might not be accessible in one that he's never home and the other one is not that he's never home but it's just you can't get you can't get reach him from it in on an emotional level you go to speak to him you can't get to him on an emotional level you just can't reach him he's tough to get to tough to get through to we might say in English can't get through to him well SME non-fan Tucker and he's not good enough Sammy and here she's comparing him to the meat of the camel it's not fat enough that it's worth bringing it down meaning when I make all of that effort to get to him and I make all of the effort to reach him on that top of the high mountain like he's sitting on top of his throne it's really rough really tough person to deal with that even when I get all and make that huge effort for him and I make such a big effort for him that big effort is wasted because there's no benefit to be had anyway it's like climbing on top of a tall mountain you might say look I would climb a tall mountain if the meet at the top of the mountain was really good quality so I could see I I really made a big effort and I got all the way to the top of the mountain and I got this really good quality meat pan go all the way to the top of the mountain and the meat was tough and lean there was barely any meat on it and what meat was on it was was tough to eat so she's comparing a husband like that she makes a big effort for him and that's one of the things that is is from the sunnah of the prophet site as it relates to the wife we're gonna come to that later on she makes a big effort for a husband but the effort that she makes for a husband first of all it requires a huge amount of effort from her to get any response from him it's like climbing a tall mountain and when she makes that effort it's not worth it because there's not anything good to be had at the end of it reverse that and look at the ideal husband first of all he should be sad he should be easygoing he shouldn't be tough and he should be easygoing and he should be soft so being soft and being easy going and he should be accessible now travelling is something that sometimes people have to do and typically many times a man has to travel perhaps for work perhaps for other things that he has to do and obligations that our lives placed upon him and that's absolutely fine but he should be accessible meaning when he's home he's available he's reachable his wife can get through to him on an emotional level a physical level and so on and when she makes that effort for him he makes it worth her while so she climbs that tall mountain whether she made a big effort in how she looks so she made a big effort in how she behaves she we tried to correct some of maybe her faults and she's working really hard trying really hard he should make it worth her while because why would she ever correct herself if he doesn't correct himself and that's why it's narrated from some of the Companions of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam about the man who makes an effort in his appearance saw that because he requires or he expects the same from his wife and we're gonna come to that later on inshaallah so a man makes an effort in say his appearance because he wants his wife to do the same so how would he expect her to correct her manners and her behavior make such a big effort with him where she makes that effort and gets nothing back so she's like she's climbed a tall mountain but she only found tough lean little meat nothing worthwhile for her to make such a big effort so what's gonna happen she's gonna stop making the effort completely so he should be easygoing he should be soft he should be accessible and he should make it worth her while that when she does something and makes a big effort for him he shows appreciation so he should be appreciative if we move on to the next part of the hadith California zaji la Abu Sahara in the 1/2 o Allah either in earth carajo of Korah who wobbu Jorah the second one she said my husband I am NOT going to go into detail to tell you everything about him why is it because she's scared of allah so jealous because she's scared that she might say something wrong she said if I start I will not be able to stop in me 1/2 o a letter I think if I start telling you about him I will not be able to stop the whole gathering will be taken up by his faults if I mention him I will mention his public and private feelings what can we take from this first of all she mentions a husband completely negatively she said if I sit here telling you about him I'm not gonna stop you want in none of your other people will have a turn all of you are going to have to wait while I finish a long long long discussion about all of his faults but here what I wanted to focus on is the Raja and the butcher so that is the open faults and the hidden faults so here and and maybe that's not I'm kind of reaching when I use this for the hadith but I'm just using it as like a placeholder to mention this to you in sha Allah that how people are in public and private so you get some people who in public are actually really good but privately if you were to speak to their wife or their family and they were to be honest they would probably say the same thing in me a half or another I think if I start talking I will not stop and that's a terrible you know characteristic for a husband to have to be really good in public and to be really bad in private and even worse than that is what she mentioned about her husband that he's got all the faults in public and all the faults in in private and that's even worse but just here I just wanted to use it as kind of like a placeholder because we're talking about this if at the characteristics of the ideal husband just to mention that that you don't want to be a person who is really bad at home but you know you have your public face which is really good the husband should be someone who is even better at home than he is outside even better at home than he is when he's in front of a an audience you know like where he sort of might present that he's really good but he should be better even better than that in himself at home and that's what we should be striving for as men in our in our marriages any more than that we should be striving that when we're alone and no one sees us except Allah we're even better than what we are with our families and that will lie like I don't I don't say to you that that's something that I've even I don't even claim a tenth of that deity for myself but I really think it's a beautiful thing to aim for it's a beautiful goal to have that you would like it as a man to be better with your family then you are in public and to be better alone when no one sees you except the laden you are with your family and that would be a sign of up for persons a glass and a sign of the fact that a person is not a person either hollaby mihari Miller or either hello Bhima Harriman learning to her call her a people like the prophets as I mentioned people a group of people when they are alone with what Allah made Haram they fall into it meaning nobody sees them except Allah they don't feel shy to fall into any kind of Haram so that's not how the person should be Carletta thalita the third one she said so G elation up in antic auto-lock were in a skirt or a lock she said my husband is Elijah Elisha anak is the one who is tall but that his height doesn't benefit him anything like so it could be lanky but it could also be in his stature you know like he walks around like a big tall man you know he's got maybe pride but generally even she's mentioning his height is really really tall and lanky but she doesn't mention anything good about it chantix not a nice way of saying or he's really tall you know like he's tall and handsome or something like that it's not really nice it's like oh he's tall in a negative way like you would say lanky you know excessively tall he's lanky oh he's in his stature in the way that he behaves you know like he behaves like that maybe walks around like he's 10 feet tall but the key point I want to hear it want to focus on here is the statement in under auto-lock if I see anything he'll divorce me and if I'm silent or I luck he will leave me hanging and that is the case of many men so we want to reverse that and get the characteristic of the ideal husband is he's not quick to divorce his wife and he's not quick with the talaq some people have got the talocan rapid-fire everything that goes wrong in a marriage talaq talaq talaq he said to lock so many times it's not even a matter of three times anymore like it's just the word comes out of his mouth I was angry I didn't expect it I wasn't thinking some of the mashach said doesn't count and you asked him how many times have you been through that angry talk and he says more than I can count it's really sad that somebody should be like that that they have rapidfire with the talaq talaq talaq talaq talaq everything she can't speak without him saying to luck whether I'm getting angry you know like this that we talked about how he should be gentle and how he should be we mentioned that he shouldn't be quick to get angry should be hi lean in a figure cuss let a new hippo whom Allah L him well Anna having gentleness and not getting angry quickly and taking things slowly so he is the opposite her husband she said if I say anything is gonna divorce me so any calm please the wife comes she says look I'm struggling I'm not so happy palek straight away divorce so that's obviously a negative characteristic the positive characteristic is he's not quick to say that word she doesn't throw the divorce around and he doesn't throw the threats of the divorce around so he's not one who says if you say this I'll divorce you say this I'll divorce you say this I'll divorce you he's not got the threat of divorce all the time and she says when I'm silent because you might give her advice and say well if your husband's like that just you know don't say anything then and if I'm silent he leaves me hanging tell him or I lucky' he leaves her like something so and it's exactly like the English phrase left me hanging I just left me suspended not like she's not a wife nor is she divorced so it's not like if she's silent he treats her well or he treats her like a good wife it's if she's silent he doesn't treat her like a wife nor does he let her marry someone else and that is from the worst characteristics you can get in a husband that he leaves his wife Kalmar and lacA as though she is hanging you know she's between the ceiling and the floor she's not standing on she's not like she's not in one place and she's not in the other place she's just hanging there like stuck he doesn't treat her like a wife nor does he divorce her so in this it would be more merciful if he's so unhappy with her for him to divorce her let her marry someone else let her have a happy life why should she be left and she's not a wife nor is she a divorcee she's just left in suspense Kalmar Alaka in suspense like that she's not one she's not the other that's if she's silent if she speaks then he throws the divorce either the threat of the divorce or he gives he gives the divorce pilot arabiya the fourth one said zaji Cal ADT Hammon la heroine voila voila Mahathir Wallis Amma she said my husband is like the night of Tehama Tehama is what you call the area between the sea and the mountains and it's particularly usually refers to the area of south of Hejaz towards Yemen there where between the Red Sea and the mountains the coast of the Red Sea in the mountains and she says my husband is like the Knights of Diana and he's very Mora Teddy he's just he's balanced now some you could take that as a complaint there are people who mentioned that could be a complaint she's just saying like you know there's no there's no passion there's no by treatment it's just you know like that it's just like that it's just kind of neutral but that's not I mean the in general the explanation of the hadith mushara who covered the hadith they said this is praise she's not criticizing him she's praising him and she's saying that he is more attend he's balanced he is balanced lahar on well ah he's not hot or cold so he doesn't get you know is he he's not really angry with her and you know shouting and screaming and temper and he's not cold with her because some husbands when they are when they are let's say not angry or not emotional or not passionate they're cold just keep away you know like yeah he doesn't get angry with me but he doesn't talk to me either he doesn't get angry with me doesn't talk to me either but here is lahar wa laqad he is not hot and he's not cold meaning he's not overly sort of angry aggressive you know what whatever that might be and he's not distant and cold he's balanced and he's fair and he's just and we've already talked about fairness we talked about the statement of allies OHL for in victim and later ideal for he did an ohm and malakut a mannequin and we spoke about that iron sorta nice I talked about how you can take from that that that person is a person who fears Allah with regard to justice being just between his family so here being just and being balanced you know it's not too hot not too cold just in the middle she said well I'm a Harper I'm not scared of him so I've got no I'm not like I've got nothing to be scared of so she can he's approachable he is not aggressive he doesn't throw the tala around what I say Emma so long the scholar said is al melon he's not he doesn't bore me and that would be a response if people said that it was a negative and said that she's just saying well he's kind of just you know in the middle it's not very exciting he's not too bad he's just you know right in the middle but actually here less ammo would indicate that she may I'm not I'm not bored I'm not I've got no complaints with him and I'm not scared I've got no fear and I've got no complaints Carla tell her mr. Zhou Jie in da ha'la'tha hint Maharaja acid well yes I am are hit again some of the scholars took this to be positive and some of them took it to be negative so let's look at it in the light of it being if it were to be if it were to be positive if it were to be positive so she said my husband when he comes in the house faint he behaves like a leopard he behaves like a leopard and when he goes out he's like a lion and he doesn't ask about the agreements or what has been agreed he doesn't ask about what has been agreed so if we take it positive when he comes in fed when he comes in her head so this is that he's playful with his wife he's friendly with her he's got good manners with her and he gives her you know he is kind of like I would say one of the one of the things we could take is playful friendly kind that's if you look at it in a positive way he's playful he's friendly is kind and if you look at the Prophet SAW Allah and how much time he used to give to his family and how he used to care for eyeshadow do lava and her and his wife his other wives and their needs and for example we have the the hadith regarding the Athenians who were throwing the Spears in the Masjid and how the prophets item took Aisha out and he gave her time so he you know the Prophet slicer mister used to be friendly with his family we talked about how the prophets I some raised Aisha twice and one time she won and then after that he won and she he said that this is for that and so on this all that kind of playful and kind and great behavior with the family what in Raja acid and when he goes out he's brave and that actually shows you that if you're gonna take this positively one of the beautiful things is to compare the lion to the leopard so the leopard here is the one that is playful and soft and kind and the the asset the lion is the one who's brave and you know it's fearful and brave and casts fear into into his enemies how would the man should have both of those qualities but where should he have them where should he have those qualities he shouldn't be the asset in the house he shouldn't be the lion in the house where he's roaring at his family you know he's scary to his family they're scared of him that he's you know he behaves like the lion that's not a praiseworthy the praiseworthy thing is that when he goes out of the house you know in terms of his his life outside of the home he's very brave he has an excellent reputation he has haber he has a presence in front of people but when it comes to his family he's really relaxed and playful and really gentle and kind so that's a really nice if you like comparison between the two between you Dada her life ahead were either ha Raja as it does if we take it in in the positive while I guess I'll go I'm are hid and he doesn't ask about what has been agreed meaning it doesn't give his wife a hard time over what he's agreed with her he doesn't give her a hard time like say to a look I told you to do this and I told you to do this and I told you to do this so he is Sam he's easygoing he is some easygoing and relaxed about things he doesn't give his wife a hard time I told you to do this I told you to do that so if we look at it from a positive point of view those are the points we can take he's playful kind friendly with his family when he goes out he's brave honorable Noble with a great you know with a great his reputation and the way he behaves in front of the people and the people give him that position and when it comes to asking his family to do things he doesn't burden them too much if we take in the negative we can also take in the negative in the ha'la'tha head were in Hodja I said what is a llama our head if we take in the negative then some of the scholars mean said that the leopard is the one that sleeps at home all the time so he goes home and just goes to sleep and some of them said that any other things but we'll take here that you know it's a negative any for example the man that sleeps in the home all the time or the man who makes demands from his family but he he doesn't care for their needs he doesn't care for their needs and what is added and he doesn't ask about what has been promised or agreed could mean that he doesn't care about the house he doesn't care about the house doesn't care what's going on in the house I don't care what's going on the house I don't care if you've got food in the cupboard so you haven't got food in the cupboards I don't care if you've got money to buy things or not I don't care if you're happy or not I don't care if the kids are misbehaving or not he doesn't care about what's going on in his house so if we take it positive we took the positive points if we take a negative then perhaps we can say that the negatives would be coming home and just being asleep all the time like just not even or coming home and just making demands of his family but not actually taking care of their knee and likewise that he doesn't care about what's happening in the house the house is your problem don't don't talk to me about what's going on in the house he doesn't care about it so that's again a negative and we would want the ideal husband to be the opposite of that he cares about what's in the house he cares about his family's needs his friend he's playful with them and he comes home and of course is gonna come home sometimes asleep he comes home and he's not someone who is disconnected from the house or disconnected from the family we're gonna continue the explanation of the hadith in the next episode which Allah Allah because it is a long hadith and we're still talking about the characteristics of the ideal husband as well Allah made easy to mention and Allah knows best was salat wa salam ala nabina muhammad wa ala ali was our ph may i said i'm mahalia come if you enjoying these videos and he'd like to keep up to date with all of the courses we're gonna be running make sure you head over to ama you at home calm

Channel: Al Madrasatu Al Umariyyah

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Keywords: Islaam, Islam, Quran, Qur'an, Qur'aan, Sunnah, Muhammad, Hadith, Hadeeth, Ustadh, Abdulrahman Hassan, Ustaadh, Salafi, Salafiyyah, Sunni, Lesson, Al Kauthar, Al Maghrib, Mufti Menk, Nouman Ali Khan, Yasir Qadhi, Islamic, Islaamic, Tawheed, Shirk, Bidah, Jannah, Muhammad Tim Humble, Tim Humble, AMAU, Al Madrasatu Al Umariyyah, The Muslim Family, AMAU at Home, AMAU short course, Dawahman, Dawah man, Imran ibn mansur, Naseeha Sessions, Umm Zara', Women Husbands, Ideal Husband, Perfect Husband

Id: ybFiXE6aebs

Length: 31min 59sec (1919 seconds)

Published: Sat Apr 04 2020