[ ♪ Intro ] This probably won’t come as much of a surprise,
but breaking up with someone is hard. There’s the rejection, the tears, the possible
shouting, and if nothing else, it’s just really awkward! Maybe that’s why, for better or worse, some
people decide a proper break-up isn’t worth it. Instead, they choose to just, disappear. In other words, they ghost. Ghosting is when someone terminates a relationship by ending communications abruptly and without explanation. It’s something people have probably been
doing forever, but the word has only started to pick up steam within the last few years. In fact, it’s picked up so much steam that
psychologists have started to study it. Recently, they’ve begun investigating why
people do this, and their results suggest that at least some of it might have to do
with how people view relationships in general. If it’s never happened to you, ghosting might seem like some weird, worst-case-scenario Internet thing, but it actually happens all
the time. For example, in a 2018 study that polled almost
750 people, 23% of participants reported being ghosted by a romantic partner. And almost 40% reported being ghosted by a
friend. Studies have even found that people ghost employers or potential employers by not responding to offers, or by not showing up for work or
interviews. This isn’t a Millennial or Gen Z thing,
either, because ghosting isn’t new. The term may have started getting traction
recently, but this behavior has probably been around forever. It’s just that, for your grandparents, “ghosting”
might have looked like not sending letters or skipping phone calls. This phenomenon has likely become such a capital-T
Thing because technology has changed the way many people communicate. Texting and social media have made communication
easier and more instantaneous, and many relationships or jobs are now started through apps and e-mails instead of in-person meetups. Among other things, that makes it really easy
to avoid someone if you think things aren’t going to work out. When it comes to why people do this, though,
there likely isn’t just one answer. Like, in a 2019 study published in Imagination,
Cognition, and Personality, participants reported that they ghosted someone because of everything from attractiveness to convenience to safety. Which is quite a range of explanations. Other researchers, though, have suggested
that how you feel about ghosting could be based on something more fundamental: how you think about relationships more broadly. Research on relationship theories covers two
types of beliefs: destiny and growth. If you’re a stronger believer in destiny, it means you think that the outcome of a relationship is more set in stone: It’s either going
to work out, or it’s not. This is associated with a fixed mindset, and
if you think like this, you might believe that you have a soulmate, someone who is fundamentally a perfect match. On the other hand, if you’re a stronger
believer in growth, it means you think relationships can grow over time. If you think like this, you probably believe
that all relationship hurdles can eventually be overcome. In that 2018 study I mentioned earlier, the researchers didn’t just look at how frequently people ghosted. They also asked participants about their relationship
beliefs, and they found that stronger destiny beliefs led to more positive views toward ghosting. More specifically, when compared to people
with weaker destiny beliefs, this group was about 63% more likely to say that ghosting was an acceptable way to end a long-term relationship. Those with stronger growth beliefs tended
to say the opposite. This may have happened because people with
stronger destiny beliefs are often quicker to end a relationship when they don’t think it’s a good fit. Alternatively, these results could be related
to whether participants thought they could be friends with someone after a breakup. If they didn’t, they might not have cared as much about how that person responded to being ghosted. Now, we’re not here to make sweeping claims
about how you personally should end your relationships; we’re just here to talk about what psychologists
have observed. Because, really, it’s super fascinating
that this is even something researchers have studied. Ultimately, while all kinds of survey participants
have different opinions on whether ghosting is okay, the overarching theme seems to be
that there are better ways to end relationships. If nothing else, ghosting doesn’t allow
someone closure, and if there is something they could have done better, it doesn’t give them a chance to learn. In the long run, this may also make it harder
for the ghoster to communicate disinterest or what isn’t going well for them. And in a professional setting, well, the employer
suddenly has an unexpected vacancy, which isn’t great. Every relationship is different, though, so whether you want to ghost because of safety or a destiny mindset, we’ll leave those
decisions up to you. Thanks for watching this episode of SciShow
Psych! Besides ghosting, psychologists have also studied a bunch of other phenomena that happen in relationships, from codependency to why
we sometimes date people who look related to us. To learn more, you can check out our Relationships
playlist! [ ♪ Outro ]
