What PATHETIC WAYS have you SEEN someone "Try to look Manly" - Reddit Podcast

what's the most pathetic way you've seen someone try to look manly I once worked in an office where they let us pick out our new desks and order them from a catalog my boss came in to check mine out and he noticed it was like 6 in bigger than his new desk I came in the next morning and he had made the maintenance guys switch them he claimed it was because his desk was a better height for me shockingly he turned out to be insane in other ways as well who'd have thought it I once saw a p plater a Australian for new driver in a hotted up car waiting at the traffic lights in the rain he was facing up a hill and when the lights turned green he put his foot on the accelerator hard and attempted to speed off and ended up getting absolutely no traction this resulted in his wheels just spinning and him doing a kind of stationary fishtail while slowly sliding back down the hill he ended up missing that green light I couldn't stop laughing there's a substance called Synthol that some bodybuilders and a lot of wannabe tough guys inject themselves with to create fake muscles Googling for it leads to gems such as guys that look like popey and stick figures in water wings not so cool my voice drops lower when I talk to my father-in-law I rarely catch myself and talk normal when I do try to talk normal I think I sound squeaky I'm nearly 40 with three kids by the way my boyfriend does this as well when he's speaking to my dad his voice will be unnaturally low but as soon as you get any alcohol him he sounds like a freaking pixie it's hilarious when I was but 12 some kid came into middle school with a beard drawn onto his face in Sharpie he desperately tried to make everyone believe it was his real beard that he grew it overnight I must have hit a growth spurt he said I wish camera phones were a thing back then I started shaving every few days when I was 12 and was mocked for it I had a full beard by 14 and I still got crap for it it you really can't win well I believe the myth that shaving increases beard growth has been thoroughly debunked the sir or bearded Madam in this last post was likely always going to be that way post College my friends started a cigar night as a guy hangout night I thought everyone always said don't inhale cigars because they were wimps and couldn't handle the strong Buzz so I intentionally inhaled with every puff throughout the entire cigar I got so sick I literally turned a pale shade of green like an old cartoon and puked for an hour until only foam was coming out of me I went to a party where there was a fourman hookah setup my friend had never tried one and was very curious it turns out while everyone enjoyed the hookah for a bit went off to mingle and come back to it later my friend spent nearly the entire party at the hookah he spent the latter portion of the party hovering over the toilet when I was 12 years old I was walking into a convenience store with a friend she was at total tomboy in fact she looked more like a boy than a girl as we're walking in she sees the sweet mid-60s rag top Corvette and she's ogling it I was too but she makes this big thumbs up sign to the hot blonde sitting in the passenger seat this long-haired in his late 20s came running out of the convenience store and yelled to my friend Sabrina hey punk quit making eyes at my girl he comes over grabs my friend's arm pulls back a fist my friend is just stark white and speechless I shout she's a 12-year-old girl what are you doing stop he finally stops realizes what the heck he's doing but always being a says don't let me see you eyeballing her again or I'll mess you up I'm not sure what happened after he drove off but his girlfriend did not look like a happy camper I'm hoping she dumped his sorry butt back in the Myspace days I knew a kid who took a pick of himself with his shirt off and then used Photoshop to turn his skin black and give himself a he also fancied himself a rapper and took on the stage name Diamond yes with two eyes because he was so hard affluent private school kids am I right oh my God two eyes for a double dose of idiot I was dating this girl a few years ago and I was meeting some of her good friends for the first time at Chili's I just turned 21 and they were all younger than me so I thought I'll look so cool if I order some alcohol I'd never ordered drinks before so I didn't know what to order I'd only been to parties where there was beer I thought nah beer is no good I need something with liquor while I was pondering what to order the waiter asked me what I wanted to drink at that moment only one drink came to mind yeah give me a Cosmopolitan please cue to the waiter bringing me a Chili's branded Shaker that I got to take home with a fabulous pink drink in it and me looking like an offensive caricature of a gay man instead of the Ron Swanson that I thought I'd look like when the teacher says if you don't want to learn then just leave someone got up and left and swore at the teacher grinning at his friends about 30 seconds later he came back in saying actually I kind of need to know this stuff honestly I've got to respect the kid for admitting that and taking the L while looking out for his future only barely related but I had a teacher who would say oh go fly a kite if you had a differing idea of what symbolism in a particular book meant so I packed a folding kite in my backpack and the next time she requested I go I did the detention was worth it my new dentist is a good-look 25 or 26y old woman now I hold off bursting into tears until I get to my car I had a friend who when he'd go to the movies with me or one of our other male friends would always leave an empty seat between himself and us so he didn't look gay either that or he got the separate seat because our elbows kept poking him while the rest of us were cranking each other off I had some friends in high school that would do that when we'd go to the movies I never knew how to react so I usually just sat in between them in high school I would put Rogan on my chin and face to try and grow a beard a bunch of my friends and I were hanging out one time when my best friend's little brother probably 15 or so at the time did something very feminine it was a long time ago so I don't exactly recall what it was we all laughed and I yelled at him quick do something manly to which he replied in sheer panic I could strip off my clothes and dance for you guys needless to say we never let him live it down back in high school I was friends with a guy on the football team who was pretty much exclusively a benchwarmer throughout each game he would discreetly try to rub grass and dirt on his uniform so it looked like he'd seen some action when he ran off the field my friends and I took up skateboarding One Summer and worked at it every day while we would practice one of my friends would spend his time rubbing the bottom of his skateboard against concrete Corners to make it look like he had grinded my freshman year of college in the spring at the wreck pool the wreck pool was the place to be babes as far as the eye can see anywh who my friends and I are out on the pool deck and I've decided that as we're walking in front of some bikini clad chicks that it would be a good time to dhirt and reveal my awesome torso to them my shirt got stuck on my neck and I blinded by my own shirt as well as my hubris fell into the pool with my shirt still around my neck I was so cool I took the last place in a hairy chest contest it's okay sweetie I have literally no chest hair or facial hair whatsoever of course I'm a girl so rest assured that if the narrator had competed in that particular tournament he would have either lost or tied with you but then again I know not to enter one a coworker of mine was a one-upping bull crapping blazent liar we'd troll him every day to see how far his lies would go the one that popped into my head when I saw the group of stories was that he drank a quart of 10 w30 motor oil to impress a girl I have a buddy who was hanging out with us and he starts with oh I'm friends with a local college cheerleaders I'll see if they want to come and party with us he texts them and they say that they're still on their way back from a game another buddy comes to join us and we explain who we're going to be hanging out with tonight he informs us that the game was a home game at 1: in the afternoon 9 hours before this happened all the first guy could say was oh oh well uh I don't know where they are then we know you don't buddy I've got a friend just like that it gets to the point where whenever he says something outrageous my friends and I just say cool and change the subject handstand push-ups at a party well I saw a guy doing dips at the library I knew this guy that would intentionally leave his fly open on his jeans so that people would mention it and he could reply I guess my huge Wang is that noticeable one time I went for sushi on a first date and I wanted to impress the girl with how much Wasabi I could handle with my Sushi I ended up leaving snot all over the place while tears ran down my face I learned that a friend of mine gets dressed in this order cologne white shirt more cologne another white shirt more cologne another white shirt cologne again his normal shirt and then more cologne I always just thought he was a pretty swole guy but I've learned that he's actually pretty scrawny under there there are four shirts in fifth grade I had a classmate who always tried to show off one day he claimed that he could make his face readed in less than 10 seconds Spectators gathered he holds his breath in and pushes to build up pressure in his head not sure how else to explain it his face does get ridiculously red and then all of a sudden we heard a slight pop noise and his right eye had moved forward literally half an inch out of his head like it was about to pop out entirely shrill screams ensued the teacher was cursing and then ambulance sirens sounded in the distance what a man he was you can submit your own stories to be featured here on the channel the story submission link is in the description below and if you want to listen to some viby music in the background check out easy mode also linked below and subscribe I guess this counts as a tempted manliness back when I was 9 or 10 I was at Camp there was this girl that I liked so in order to try and look cool I'd take my glasses off and close my eyes real tight eventually she asked why I was doing that and I replied that if I couldn't see I gained super hearing and could hear nature All Around Me needless to say I was and am Sap's mamalian brother oh look I dropped my Magnum rubber that I use on my monster dong one time I was with a lady friend and my mattress was kind of not aligned properly with the bedspring and it bothered her she said let's fix it and I said no no I got it don't worry as I bent down to push it forward it was heavier than I expected I grunted and pushed forward and as I did this I tooted really loudly I once saw a guy with thug life tattooed on his bicep in comic Sands which do I look like I care about your text preferences I got this for me and I got a font that represents me in my life we from the street man we don't have time for all this serif crap busy hustling godamn I wear the smallest lab coat I can find with my regular clothes on underneath it it looks like I have massive guns I'd like to tell you that everyone else thinks you look like the Michelin Man but I don't have the heart to tell you I once saw a group of high school aged kids in a local park accompanied by a young woman they're all hanging out and the alpha kid in an attempt to impress said girl gets up and takes his shirt off and then walks around to all of the picnic tables and starts lifting one side of them up as high as he can over and over again it was quite clear that he had the strongest pubescent muscles I Peacock by going to karaoke bars and singing Regina Spectre songs in the manliest fetto possible at a party in my University a reasonably tubby guy was trying to chat up a girl she didn't seem particularly interested but was being polite the guy gets a text flips open his phone and starts to read it suddenly realized ing the fuxa he's unwittingly committed he proceeds to snap his phone in half as if to say I care far more about this conversation than some meaningless phone the girl realizes that was dumb and immediately leaves so the boy has no phone and no chance of getting any also I know a couple of 30 plus males that went down and egged the local occupy protesters so tough godamn that's pathetic I grew up in a small town and there used to be this idiot that would drive around in a crappy convertible by himself he had his parents Hi-Fi speakers in the back and would drive around talking on his cell phone the town didn't have any cell phone towers or reception back then pickup artists are as hilarious as they are stupid and annoying I don't know if either of these guys technically count as pickup artists or if they regularly attempted their stunts to pick up girls but I wouldn't be surprised I heard on the radio once that the guys who hung out with Frank Sinatra had a difficult time keeping up with him while party so they would get a watered down Coke so that it appeared to be whiskey while Frank hit the hard stuff big old trucks with a pair of truck nuts hanging on the back of them I was bringing my wife who makes fun of how unmanly I am a bowl of soup and I filled it pretty high the tops of my fingers ended up in the soup to show manliness I didn't Flinch and ended up with blisters on several of my fingers when I was younger around 6 or seven I had to stay at my Grands during the day while while school was out she had this little tricycle that was way too small for me to sit on so I used to stand on the back axle and drive it around like I was a rally driver don't ask one day she had to walk around the shops so like any good rally driver secret agent superhero I gave her support via the Subaru again don't ask on the way back we went another route and had to walk past two or three girls around my age wanting to man up I wanted to act big and hard so I jumped off the Subaru lifted the tiny tricycle up and held it vertically above my head like a champion weightlifter at the time I was a huge wrestling fan particularly of the rock my favorite part of The Rock was the people's eyebrow Google if you don't know I strutted up to these little girls tricycle above my head turned to them and gave them the baddest people's eyebrow to ever grace this Earth along with the line ladies the only thing that could possibly happen happened I fell the tricycle came crashing onto the to the floor elbows and knees were grazed and there were tears in my eyes my grand had to carry me home I was only six or seven at the time but Frick that still hurts man I started dressing nicely and began to improve my vocabulary oh well my mom grew a mustache oh wait I might have misunderstood the topic question I was working out at the gym and it just so happened that a recent ex of mine was there at the same time we met at the gym so this wasn't really a shock I was at the pull-up bar and she was pretty close by so I got it in my head that I should try and show off or something so I started doing lots of pull-ups really fast and intensely when my hand slipped and I fell off the bar and right onto my butt I kept my head down and just walked straight into the changing room it felt bad man I got on a plane a few months ago for my background I'm male I put my bag in the overhead compartment and sat down I looked over and saw a girl if you must know she wasn't unattractive Reed she was really hot she was having trouble fitting her bag in the overhead compartment I being the gentleman that I am saw the opportunity to assist thinking that at some point down the road it might lead to something so I tried for about 30 seconds and then said it doesn't fit I sat down and abort mating rituals about 30 seconds later I looked up and another girl had gotten up and helped the first girl put her bag in the compartment and it fit in like 2 seconds huh I don't know what they did I don't know how they got it all I know is that I didn't make eye contact with either of them for the rest of the flight my favorites are the guys who refuse to drink quote girly drinks they don't want to be thought of as gay or a Nancy it's a drink yo H the people who try to fight the bouncers or the bar staff in general there are more of us and the bouncers are sober good Lord help you if you touch one of our waitresses inappropriately we like our hot waitresses and most of them are dating St St members my cousin has sure thing tattooed on his forearm in the most gangster looking letters he could find he's pretty nerdy but adopted a gangster Persona after leaving home and joining the Armed Forces I laughed out loud when I saw his Facebook picture showing it off flashing the sideways peace sign and trying to look fly with his new tattoo very visible cap sideways of course I used to skateboard a lot I also had a slightly overprotective mother so anytime I went to a skate Park I was that scrawny kid in full pads I didn't give an f it meant that I got to skateboard anyway I think I was 13 or 14 at the time I was minding my own business probably trying to do a super stylish boneless in a quarterpipe don't hate the old school tricks are rad and I see this guy bail and just lie in the bottom of the bowl area while his board flew out onto the deck he was a few years older than me and was obviously not hurt seriously and there with several of his buddies being a nice guy I grabbed his board which had rolled close to where I was and rolled it back down to him I skated away not paying attention and then I hear him yell out who did that apparently the board had rolled into his side while he was facing the other way there was no way it had hurt in the least I'd made sure that it would roll at a safe speed to him as I turned around to see what the shouting was I see his buddies pointing at me hey you want to fight he shouts at me now you don't know me all that well but you can imagine I should be feeling slightly intimidated and to be honest prior to this situation I always thought would have been intimidated by a bully thankfully the situation gave me some much needed perspective i' just done this guy a favor and he wants to fight me what the frick right is he serious if you want to fight me I'm right here I reply with no hesitation he just kind of stares at me for a second and then turned away I heard his buddies giving him a hard time and it was like a joyous chorus of angels I felt like I owned that freaking skate park for the rest of the day getting a motorcycle license to try and be cool and manly I actually realized iiz it's freaking amazing and that the aforementioned status didn't matter to me once I achieved it I used to waitress at a bar on the Main Street of a small town which was also home to several restaurants nearby drunk guys trying bull crap manliness to hit on me became normal after a while one night I was walking past two guys sitting at the main bar and one of them flagged me down on the pretense of some bull crap question about the menu then like a good friend he started trying to wingman his buddy telling me how he was such a great guy and thought I was cute and oh by the way was on the big NFL team of our state and that I should be totally flattered that he was interested in me and maybe try to give him my number or go home with him meanwhile said guy is sitting next to us trying his best to look humble after trying not to laugh at him outright I extricated myself and for some reason didn't try to explain to him the two main reasons why this tactic was clearly not going to work for them the first unlike most people in that town I do not give a crap about football the second his friend was still in his work uniform from the restaurant next door when you subscribe make sure to hit the Bell to turn on notifications put the playlist on in the background to finish listening to all the stories or if you want some viby music to put on in the background check out easy mode if you like am I the genius give am I the jerk a shot everything Linked In the description

Channel: Am I the Genius?

Views: 15,203

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Id: 4a5Qy79Zi40

Length: 20min 20sec (1220 seconds)

Published: Thu Feb 22 2024