Some of you are thinking right now, "Man,
I thought I went to church this morning. I didn't know I was going to a concert." Well, you know, when we decided to do this
series of our story and what if things had been different, I thought when it came my
turn, if you really want to know a little bit about me, you've got to hear that song. Because that was my motto in the '80s. I don't know if some of you guys are my age. Do you remember what we did when you were
my age? We were like 16, 17 18, those formative years;
do you remember what we did? We didn't have PlayStation yet, and we didn't
have all these techno gadgets. We didn't have a cellphone in our hands, so
what did we do every evening when we got bored? We got in the car and cruised. Now, for those of you who are young, and you
don't know what that is, let me tell you how we used to have fun. We used to just get in our car, which was
cool that we had one, and hopefully we didn't have to borrow mom's, and we got in it and
we just drove around town to be seen. That's what we did. We rolled the windows down and we played our
favorite music and we drove in and out of McDonald's, and in and out of Burger King,
and then in and out of Wendy's, and we made the circuit again, and the whole purpose was
not to get food but was to be seen. It was important to be seen and heard. Every generation has its desire to be significant
in some way. Everybody's born with that, and every generation
deals with it in different ways. I like the song, because I had a little Starfire
GT Chevrolet, and I would roll the windows down, and I would blast that song. Not realizing that that's the motto of humanity. Everybody wants to rule the world. At heart, everybody wants to rule the world. My favorite cartoon was Pinkie and the Brain. Anybody remember that cartoon? How did it start? Every cartoon started, "What are we going
to do today?" And he says, "What? The same thing we do everyday. Try to take over the world." Whether you're willing to admit it or not,
our biggest fear is that we won't stand out and matter. That's why school is so difficult. That's why junior high is cruel, and then
high school's even more cruel, because everybody finds their little groups for significance. You've got the athletes, the cheerleaders,
and we had the smoking area guys when I was growing up. You remember? There was a designated smoking area if you
were from the Midwest or the south, so those were a lot to themselves, and you had the
band members, and you had the nerds. Of course, we didn't know at the time, but
they're the ones we're all going to be asking for jobs. Just let me tell you something right now:
don't mistreat the nerds. You may need a job someday. And so all of these little different categories,
and we all flock together into those categories, and we make fun of the ones who aren't in
our categories. We do it because we want our group to matter
most. I mean, it's humanity. When I was a little boy, I remember when I
wanted to get my mom's attention I would take her chin and I would pull it toward me. I'd actually take her chin, and I'd say, "Look
at me, look at me. I want to be heard." My son, Delaney, the first time he hit a home
run in Little League baseball, never even looked at anywhere other than his dad. "Did you see that, coach?" I mean, all around the bases. "Did you see what I just did?" And that's everyone. Now, here's the problem. You want to know our stories, and you know,
when you tell your story as a pastor, there's a dynamic here because how much do I tell
you? Because I don't want to lose your respect. But I need to tell you enough so that you
realize we're all in this together. At a very young age, I got addicted to praise. I grew up in a town where basketball was the
god. Our little town closed down every Tuesday
and Friday night for the basketball games, and I learned very early in life that if I
performed well I got the praise of my parents, and my community, and even my church. And so as a young boy, being very good at
something ... again, big fish, but small pond. Always the captain of the team, always on
winning teams. I learned very early that I could get the
praise and adoration of people if I were to perform well on the athletic field, so I became
addicted to that. Now, here's the key. I didn't know it at the time, but even though
I went to church, read my bible, prayed, I didn't do it for the reason of getting to
know God. I did it for the reason of getting God to
help me perform well on the athletic field so that I could get the praise and adoration
of people. You with me? So, God was a means to my end, and quite frankly
that has been the struggle of my life still to this day, and when I'm doing it well, I'm
at total peace. When I'm not doing it well, I am filled with
anxiety, and so God took this young man, addicted, I mean addicted, to the praise and worship
of his parents, of his coaches, and that created a scenario with me that was going to go with
me al the way up into college. So, I go to university, and I like this picture
here because this is about the age when things started to turn. Yes, can you believe that's me? Between my junior and senior year of university,
I was invited to Tennessee Tech University in Cookeville, Tennessee. Many of you will not remember the Continental
Basketball League, but at one point the Continental Basketball League was the farm team to the
NBA, and so because I was a small college all American ... now, let me just say this
right away. I know I was a small tom, so I was an all
American, yes, but in a very small college, and because I had had a good career, I was
invited to this tryout camp, and it was, guys, all Americans and small colleges from all
over the US at five different locations, and the Continental Basketball Association scouts
would come and watch us play for an entire week. The first day I was there I realized I didn't
belong, and this was a rude awakening for me, because my mommy told me all my life I
was fantastic, and I was the next Magic Johnson, so you know, you grow up in a small town,
you believing that you're awesome, and then all of the sudden you get with people who
are really good, and it's devastating because your identity is tied to something that's
given you praise and adoration all your life. And suddenly it dawns on you that's about
to leave. I went to the coach, the head coach who was
running the camp after the first day, and I said, "Coach, I've got to tell you something. I appreciate the invitation, but I don't belong
here." He said, "In 30 year, I've been doing this,
I've never had somebody admit what you just did, and second, you're right." I knew I didn't need to wait five more days,
so I got my stuff in my car and I went back home. I went back and finished my last year of college
basketball, and I had a good time, but something was changing, I mean, and I'm trying to tell
the story at a fast pace. From the time I was five years old, I had
a basketball in my hand, man. From the time I was five. I played on a team at five, and I had played
all my life. That was my identity, and again, I did pursue
God. I was faithful in my churchgoing, faithful
in my bible reading, but I did not do it to seek God. I was afraid if I didn't do that he wouldn't
give me success, and then I wouldn't get the praise and adoration of people. Do you understand that? Again, I was more interested in using God
for my purposes than allowing God to use me for his, but he was onto me, and the gracious,
merciful thing about God is that he knew that, but he was going to work with it anyway. Now, I'm going through this. The second life defining moment that happened
is I met this young girl named Robin Delaney, so I'm in college and I meet this young, beautiful
woman. Now, here's the thing about Robin. Yes, that's the '80s, so laugh if you want. That's the way we looked. But when I met Robin, it didn't take too long
for me to realize that God sent this woman into my life to rid me of my narcissism. At that point, I did not realize what God
was going to do with me. I still had hope I was having some kind of
career in basketball, but then I met this girl in school, and I met someone that was
very difficult to date. I tell Robin that now, because she loved God
more than me. And I had never met anybody like that, so
she put God before me. Okay, guys. Come on now. Let's just be honest here. You don't think I made advances? You think I've always been like this? You don't think the hormones were running
out off the charts, 17, 18, 19? But I had never met someone like this woman
who put God, who did love me, but put God way before me. That did two things. Number one, it made me mad, because my mommy
told me I was wonderful, and I couldn't understand why she didn't realize I was wonderful, and
how lucky she was to be with me. I just couldn't figure that out. That's the first thing, so it was confusing. The second thing was it was inspiring that
somebody would love God this much to say no to me. Well, we broke up three times during our relationship,
because I just wasn't convinced that she had a desire and a love for me because she was
always talking about God, and I can't live up to God things, and so you know the tension? You see the tension that's happening? Somewhere along the line I was so attracted
to her commitment and to her love for God that it dawned on me, "You know what? This is the girl for me. I don't want anybody else." But I had a problem. She was a senior and I was a freshman. Yeah. You know what I'm talking about. And I often tell her, I often say, "Hey, you
went to university for four years. You didn't find a guy until I came along." Now, so, she uses in rebuttal, of course,
"Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he's old he won't fall from it." Which I don't think is that funny, but we
started dating, and we broke up a few times, but then I realized, "You know what? If I'm going to win the heart of this woman,
I better act now." Because she had made a commitment to return
to Africa for two years. She had made a commitment to God and her churches
that she was going to go as soon as she graduated. She didn't plan on meeting me her last year. Now she had a tension. Her tension was, "I love God and I've made
a commitment, but I've fallen in love with this guy. If I leave for two years," now, remember,
if she goes to Africa for two years, there's no internet. No telephone. There's no way of communicating. For two years, we're going to be apart. You have to write letters. And she was a horrible letter writer. She really was, because she told me everything
that happened in her day, and I didn't care. I just wanted to know how wonderful I was,
and so I'm writing these letters about how wonderful she is, and she's writing me letters
about what she did that day, and finally I said, "You know? I'm not doing this anymore." But I had made a commitment after my junior
year to go and visit her, to see what Africa was about, so I actually went all the way
to Africa, my first time overseas, but we had broken up, but I still made my commitment. And then of course when I got there we talked
things out, got back together. We decided we would get married nine months
later. I would go back and finish school, and after
she had completed her two years she would come back and we would have the wedding. And you think about that, so out of two years,
we saw each other four weeks, and she came back, and six weeks later we were married. I have realized that God sent this woman in
my life to break me. Now, guys, I am convinced that marriage, its
priority is not procreation. Being fruitful and multiplying is important,
but the reason I believe God ordains a marriage is to conform you to the image of his son. Because in marriage you learn sacrifice, unconditional
love. You learn things you'll never learn outside
of marriage. And you say, "Well, I'm not ever going to
be married. I don't have that desire. Does that mean I can't be like Christ?" Well, of course it doesn't mean that. There are other ways Jesus will get you. But if you go into marriage thinking that
everything's going to be perfect, you're never going to have any problems. Boy, are you going to have a rude awakening. Marriage is to make you like Jesus. You're going to have to give, and you're going
to have to take, and you're going to have to sacrifice, and you're going to have to
learn those things, and it's going to make you a better you. God sent this particular woman into my life
to shake me out of my narcissism and to stop using God for my purposes, for somebody to
model to me what it really looked like to live for a purpose greater than yourself,
and so Robin and I began dating. We finished our engagement period, we married,
and then we returned to Africa together as missionaries. Now, this is where the second tension started
to happen. This is our first year in Africa. Honestly, if I would've summarized my life
in one sentence, it would be that one sentence. It would be, "I have used God all of my life
for my purposes." For most of my life, my interest in God and
Christ has been because I believe in them and I want to get them involved in helping
me succeed. Okay? The reason you see so many pastors falling
away today is because you can only do that for so long, because it's only a matter of
time before character catches up with talent. You can only hide it for so long, and when
you're younger, God's taking you through this, but there becomes a definite moment in your
life when God said, "Okay, okay, now I own you. I've let you play this little game with me." And the cool thing about it is, it's like
God said to me, "You know, Jeff, you've used me for your purposes. But you know what? At least you read your bible, at least you
went to church, and at least you kept getting to know a little more about me even though
you didn't realize what was going on." "So, I'm going to take all that, and use it,
and now," and I'm telling you, it wasn't an audible voice, but my last basketball game
at university, I was in the locker room and I realized, "This is it. My career's finished." And it wasn't an audible voice, but it was
like God said, "Okay, have you had fun? Have you had fun? Have you not enjoyed your career, and have
you had a good time?" And I'm thinking, "Yeah." And the next line was like, "Good, because
it's over. I own you now, and you're going to go out
and help people far from God come near to God, and the points you're going to score
are going to be the points that really matter for eternity." I heard the voice of God. God sends me this woman ho starts really changing
me, and then ... again, let me go back with honesty. Even when we were in Africa doing mission
work, there was this constant tension between, "Am I here because I really have a love for
the Shona people of Zimbabwe, or am I here because I want to say to my friends, 'Look
at me, I'm in Africa, I sacrificed all of this. Look how wonderful I am.'" Do you see this? Do you see this tension that started out very
young and just keeps fighting all the way through? It doesn't mean that I don't have moments
where I'm doing the right thing, but I also have a constant tension in my life of doing
the right thing for the wrong reasons, and it just won't go away. It's like I was caught in some kind performance
trap. "If I behave, if I succeed, I'll be praised"
and I was addicted to praise. Everybody in the room's addicted to something. Everybody in the room has that thing that
is your real God. The thing that you really worship and you
serve because that is the thing you feel like that gives you your self worth and significance,
so you worship and you serve it. You get it because you think if you don't
have it you won't have any kind of identity, and what happens in your life is you keep
pursuing different things, and every time you achieve one you realize it didn't work
so you go after the next one. And you realize it didn't work, and then you
go after the next one. It starts out usually with money and stuff. You think, "If I get enough money, if I drive
this car, if I live in this community, then I'll matter." And then you realize you do, and you still
don't matter, and enough is never enough, so God has to do something in you, and for
some of you he'll strip everything away. Take it all away, because you'll never know
Jesus is all you need until Jesus is all you have, and for some of you, he'll give you
everything to frustrate you, because the ultimate goal for your life is for you to realize that
everything you're looking for is in a personal relationship with God and Christ, and some
of you will never discover that. Never. And so your whole life will be a battle, and
it will be internal anguish, because there's no way God's going to ever let you be at peace
and experience ultimate joy by putting your faith and trust in something that gives you
your identity, other than Christ, which is why John Piper said that God is most glorified
when we are most satisfied in him. God is most glorified when we are most satisfied
in him, so I'm learning this along the way, and then the third phase of my life is I decide,
after Africa, that I'm going to go to seminary. Now, let me just say to some of you who are
in university. I think it's always wise, after university,
to wait for a period of time before you go to grad school. And here's why: you don't know the questions
yet. Go out and live real life, and you'll discover
what the questions are, so that when you go to graduate school, or in my case seminary,
the answers that you get will mean so much more to you, because you've been out in real
life and now you know what the questions really are. That's how I approached it, and it was valuable,
so I remember. This became my life defining moment, when
everything changed, when the performance trap and the athletics and everything came to a
head, I was seated in Dr. Jack Cotrell's grace class at Cincinnati Christian University,
and he started reading Romans. Now, you think about it. I was raised in a Christian home, was very
faithful to church, and bible reading, and small group, and all of that stuff. I had been to Africa as a missionary, but
I'm telling you, I did not yet know Jesus. And then he started reading, and he read from
Romans. "For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because
it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes, first to the Jew
then the gentile, for in the gospel the righteousness of God is revealed, a righteousness that is,
by faith, from first to last, just as it is written, the righteous will live by faith." And then he started going through it word
after word, and something started happening. wait a minute. "I'm not ashamed of the gospel because it's
the power of God and of salvation, the power of God," so it has nothing to do with how
good I am. In the gospel, a righteousness of God is revealed. So it's not my righteousness? I'm saved by somebody else's righteousness? Yes. Two ways to be righteous. Keep the law perfectly, pay the penalty for
breaking it. I can't keep it perfectly, so Jesus paid my
penalty for breaking it, so God gives me a gift in the gospel.. I don't know why it is, I'd probably heard
that verse 1,000 times, but in that moment at 31 years of age I'm listening to this and
I just break down and start crying. I realized, "Wow, all this I've been trying
to do all my life, I already have in Christ." Do you know the freedom that happened at that
point? Now, my analytical mind took over almost immediately,
and I started thinking, "God, wait a minute. If you're saved by grace through faith, and
not based on what you've done, and my acceptance is based on what Christ did for me, then how,
Jesus, are you going to make people behave? You hear me? Jesus, if we're saved by grace through faith,
that's a dangerous doctrine, Jesus. Because, I mean, after all, I'm good, but
most people aren't, so how are you going to make them behave?" You see how you think? You see how you think? And that's when I started, it just so happened,
at that time, God made sure, I think because he was calling me into ministry, he made sure
that I read Dietrich Bonhoeffer The Cost of Discipleship. It's uncanny how, at that moment, when I'm
discovering grace, I would read that book, and that's where I came up, you know, hardly
anything I do is original. I'm reading, and reading, learning, but this
is original, and I always remember Back To The Future. I love those movies, one, two, and three,
and I love it when he describes how he came to the knowledge of the flux capacitor when
he banged his head on the toilet. And I love that because I was actually in
the toilet, now not on the toilet, but I was in a toilet when I was just thinking ... you
know, men do their best thinking in the bathroom. We know that, guys, so I was thinking, and
this is where I came up and started to understand what Dietrich Bonhoeffer was saying, because
Dietrich Bonhoeffer basically said that only those who believe obey and only those who
obey believe, and what do you mean by that? What's he mean by that? Well, it's where I came up with that example
of the tightrope. If your heart's really been changed by the
gospel, I mean really been changed, if you're looking for a loophole now, then you're still
always going to use God for your purposes. Which means you'll never have that intimate
relationship with God. But when you come to understand the depth
of the love of God for you, and what he's done for you, and you understand the alternative,
then you start to fall in love with God, and then you start to obey God and pursue God. Not to earn merit to get into heaven, but
because you want to know. You want a deep intimate relationship with
the person who has saved you for eternity. That includes a few things. First of all, you've got to believe that without
God you aren't saved. You have to believe without God you're headed
towards a Christless eternity, separated from God. Once you believe that and realize that's what
every one of us deserve, then suddenly you start to look at God a different way. "Wow, this is a loving, heavenly father. A personal God." The Christian God is the only god of personhood,
of relationship. Hindu has 365 million gods. Islam has an impersonal Allah. But the God of the bible is personal. Ben Shapiro interviewed Robby Zacharias not
too long ago, and Ben Shapiro said, I thought it was a great question, he said, "Doctor
Zacharias, what does Christianity really add to Judaism?" It's a good question. Robby's answer was brilliant. He said, "Relationship. It shows you that God is not just the lawgiver,
but Jesus fulfills the law, and in Christ there is relationship with God the father. Now, because that's the very reason every
single one of you were created, to have a relationship with God, then God's going to
have to do things in your life to get you to that point, and chances are high that every
time you think something happens in your life that God's abandoned you, the reality is he's
not abandoned you at all. He's trying to wake you up, and doesn't give
you something that you think you can't live without to show you that you can live without
it, or he strips away a job you can't live without, or you don't have money all of a
sudden. And you think, "Well, God's abandoned me." And God's saying, "No, I haven't abandoned
you. You're on the wrong path, dude, and for me
to open your eyes I've got to do this." And so it becomes like a tightrope where the
tightrope is the law of God, and you're supposed to walk on the law of God because the law
of God is good, but if you fall, and you will, because you're imperfect, there's the net
of grace to catch you underneath. That's the gospel. The problem is if you don't have a relationship
with Jesus and you're still trying to use Jesus for your purposes, you won't even try
to climb the rope. You'll just go, "Wee," and jump into the net. That's what I tried to share a few weeks ago,
and it dawned on me that you can't, as a pastor, coerce and manipulate people to be good. My preaching, for those of you who know me
well, you know that after the anxiety disorder my preaching completely changed, and it changed
because I realized, "What am I doing? I can't manipulate and coerce you to do anything." That's not my job. My job is just to give you Jesus and hope
somewhere along the line you fall in love with him, and you're transformed, and then
the natural byproduct of that is you'll try to live a holy and pure life. You'll give up things you love for things
you love more. You'll sacrifice. You'll be a giver. You'll be a server. See, if I try to manipulate you or coerce
you to give and to serve, it'll only work for a couple of weeks. It's until you fall in love with Jesus, and
his kingdom, and what he's doing on planet earth, and until you stop trying to use God
for your purposes, and you allow God to use you for his, it doesn't matter what I say
up here. My job is to continue every week to try to
tell you fall in love with Jesus, and to present a Jesus that is lovable, that loves you. And so I go to seminary and I learned this,
and so I start out as a performance trap. "God, if I do this, people will praise me. I'm addicted to praise. Basketball is my avenue, it's my god, you
have a different god." I get to my senior year and God shows me,
"You know what? Your god is weak. You're not that good." And then I meet Robin who shows me and models
for me what it's like to live for a purpose greater than yourself. And then I go to seminary and learn about
the doctrine of grace, and at that point things start to change but I'm still not there. Because, see, in my mind, the entire life,
my entire life, is to prepare me for you. I really believe that. I've said that for the last 11 years. My entire life was preparation for you, because
this is my last church, so I'm either here or nowhere. I'm either going to die here or die here. Now, my role will change over time as I get
older, and a lot of you have noticed the time I've been putting in to people like Steven
Meharg and Rory Eldridge, and it's great to have Mike Broe part of our team. As I get older, I don't have the stamina that
I used to have, but my place is here, and we're going to change the world together,
and the reason I think it's important that you know who your pastors are is we're asking
you to come along on this incredible journey. Now, here's what's amazing. I'm on this journey and then suddenly I get
very ill. Now, see, for me, the anxiety disorder that
lasted for two and a half years when I couldn't even leave my house, and that was the worst
part of my life, but I think it was God's final wake up call. It was God saying, "Okay, I've got you this
far, but you're still too interested in yourself. I still can't trust you to build my kingdom. I still think you're building a little bit
of your own." And those of you who know me know that my
preaching changed at that point. I started saying, "Hey, I don't care what
you think about me." I mean, I do, but I don't. Not really, I'm not going to lose sleep over
it. I promise you that. I'm sleeping really well, so something happened
that I stopped care ... isn't that interesting? The minute I stopped caring how many people
we have at church, and counting the numbers, and caring what my friends thought about how
big our church was and how much property. The minute that happened, guess what happened? Church started growing. Isn't that amazing? The minute you stop, the church started growing. See, I believe God will only send you people
if he trusts you, and besides that, a big church is not the test of real discipleship,
is it? You could have 30,000 people in church and
not have a church or not have discipleship, and that's when I realized it's not my job
to grow the church. It's not my job. That's too hard for anybody. What my job is is to preach the gospel of
Jesus Christ, to stand firm on the word, and to teach those who are with me, and to go
out and bring the gospel to the world. And then suddenly, next thing you know, the
gospel's being heard, you know, 2,000 radio stations in the South Pacific. In London. In places like Nepal, in places like Fiji,
and Samoa, and I mean, it goes on and on. Why? Why? Because I don't care about me. I just care about the gospel, and when God
can trust you with it, now, does that mean it's over? No. Do you think some days I wake up and start
going back the other way? Come on. Don't you think I'd be lying if I told you,
"I've solved this problem. I got no ego anymore. It's done." Yeah. I told you before, if you hear a pastor say
that, run. Because it's a 24 hour thing. Some days I wake up and I got it right, and
my attitude's right, and I look at you the right way, and I'll look at God the right
way, and other days I get up and it's just the devil. And that's why if I don't start my days right,
it's so easy for me by afternoon to just be nasty. Just ask my wife. "You didn't pray today, did you, honey? Did you?" You know. And so the final defining moment that played
a part in all of that in my journey was that when I was at Savannah as a teaching pastor,
and I want you to hear me, this is my last part and I've only got about four minutes
here, so listen carefully. We go to the Brooklyn tabernacle. I had always wanted to do that. Something happened to me, and this was part
of the journey as well. This was before the anxiety, but all of it's
playing a part. Isn't it interesting how many events you remember? There's 1,000 events that happen, but those
that you remember, it's like God wants you to remember those. They're like milestones. Those are things he doesn't want you to forget
because they all build on each other. There's 1,000 events that happen that you
forget, but he won't let you forget these. They're kind of stacked in there. Boom, boom, boom, boom. So, we go up to the Brooklyn tab. There's a line out the door, man. Around like four or five city blocks of people
wanting to get in, to a prayer meeting, every Tuesday night. They have more people at the prayer meeting
than they do on the weekend services. And Jim Cymbala, the senior pastor there,
invited us to come in. There were about five of us. They let us have a seat out on the front row,
and as soon as it started I thought I was in heaven. I mean, I knew I wasn't, but I thought, "Wow,
this must be what heaven's like." And we walked around to meet some of the people
standing outside before and then after, and I thought to myself, "Man, this is awesome. I'm going to go back to Savannah and recreate
this." No you're not. Because what I realized is the reason that
prayer meeting is the way that it is is because everybody in the room's desperate. You know who comes to that prayer meeting? Prostitutes, drug addicts. People who've lost everything, companies,
finances, homes, families, children. It's one story after the next. They're desperate, and they know that without
God they're not going to make it, and for about an hour and a half that Brooklyn tab
turns into heaven, and God comes near because people are desperate for him. I went back to Savannah, tried to recreate
it. The most we ever got was 15 people. 15 people. Why? Because you and I aren't desperate enough. We can get along without God, and until God
gets us to a place where we're so desperate we won't cry out for him like that, and he
knows that, which means that every person in the room has to ask the question, "What
does God need to st rip away from me before I'll get desperate?" You know what it is. And then we came here after the anxiety, and
we wanted to have a prayer meeting, wanted to pray, and we started it probably a few
years ago, and Ron Hall, in our conversation, I believe it was Ron and I were talking, and
somehow together we came up with the idea that Celebrate Recovery should be the core
group to start the prayer meeting. Why? Because they're desperate. Now, we're desperate, too, but they were willing
to admit it, and we started with a group of people who were desperate for God, and it
just exploded, so now that when we have prayer meeting I was going to say this place should
be packed, but it is packed, but in reality it should be lined up around the door of people
trying to get in to meet with God. And one person believes me. You think, guys, of all the things we do in
our life, and how we spend our time, and this is not ... look, you understand the difference
between guilt and conviction, right? You're in Christ, there's therefore no condemnation. You're in Christ, so understand. But there still should be a conviction in
your life that your priorities are out of whack. You're still saved, by the grace of God, but
there should be a conviction, your priorities out of whack, because of all the things we
spend our time doing. To have an opportunity one time a month to
come before God for 55 minutes and pray, it's a powerful thing. It's the service that those who attend look
most forward to, and the reason I tell you that is that is where I am now. Now I'm at the point where I realize, "Okay,
first of all, not everybody's going to like me." Believe me, I get your emails. Not everybody likes me. There are going to be some people that want
to wring my neck, and some of them think, "Man, who is this guy?" I realize that, and I do care, but my priority
at this point in my life, above and beyond everything else, is to know God the way he
seeks to be known. More than how big the church is, more than
the gospel going out, because I think that there's a byproduct of that. If I know God the way he seeks to be known,
then that will make me the person that I should be, and then the gospel can go out, not prevented
by me. And the same is true in your life, so that
is my prayer at this point in my life. I still struggle, so you should all ... you
know, when you have a trouble with your pastor, wen you just really want to wring his neck,
that's when you should pray for him. You should say, "Oh, man, I've got to pray
for Jeff because I'm going to kill him." You should pray for me. You know, you can pray for me and the spirit
of God can do something in me that you can't, and so pray for me. Say, "Help pastor Jeff see this." Because we do go to bed at night with a heavy
burden. The thing that most people don't realize about
pastors is that we're aware what the scripture teaches about a stricter judgment, and I know
that I'll be held accountable for the way that I lead you, and that's daunting. And I'm just thankful that this doesn't drive
me anymore. I am at the best place of my life peace wise
and happiness. Ask my wife. I'm just, I'm happy, I'm peaceful, and I'm
happy and I'm peaceful because I care about what I should care about. I want to know God in way that he seeks to
be known, and so I hope that's you. I wrote a summary of my life, and I'd never
written this, but I thought if I'm going to talk let me think about the summary of my
life. And here's how I would describe my ... first
of all, if I were to take a passage of scripture, it would be Hebrews 12, that says, "My son,
do not make light the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because
the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he chastens everyone who accepts his son." So, I've learned to see the difficult times
in my life as God's hand on me, not withdrawal, but here's my life in one sentence. God took my passion to succeed, humbled it
by reality, fueled it by grace, disciplined it by frustration, and refocused it by aiming
it at eternity, and I think if God, if you would allow God to do that in you, there's
all these other things that you can be doing with your life, but if you could refocus your
primary energies toward getting to know God and being used for his purposes, you're going
to find a joy and a peace that passes all understanding. Now, can I be honest with you? I think it's hard when you're young. It's easy for me now because I tried all the
other things, they didn't work, but you're not there yet, and even though you're not
there yet, you know what? God will use everything you're doing. If you go off on the wrong path, he's going
to follow you and try to get you back around. That's the beauty of the grace of God. But he doesn't abandon you. He does not leave you orphan, even when you
go off on your own. But your best life is in the community with
God. Now, what we wanted to do this weekend was
tell our story, and I wanted to do it in the beginning so that we would have time for worship. Now, can I just say something to you? It is amazing to me how many people come 25
minutes late to church to make sure the worship is over so they can just hear the preaching. I want you to think about that for a moment. This is the worship of a holy God. This is the sacrifice of praise that Psalms
talk about, and so if there's anything we come on time to, it should be worship. And so, which leads me to the second part. Some of you will think, "Well, the sermon's
over. I can go now." No, the worship starts now. No, you say, "We haven't," you've been worshiping
through the word, but the early church set the model for us a long, long time ago, in
the Lord's supper, in the community, in partaking of the word, in prayer and adoration, and
because of all those things were present in the early church that he did many miraculous
signs among them. Until those things are all present in our
lives, I think we short circuit the willingness of God to do miraculous things in our lives,
and so we're going to praise, and I want you to stand in a few seconds here, and just for
a few songs just lift your hearts toward heaven and thank God that he forgives you for your
addiction, and that he knows that you use him for your purposes, and praise him that
he still loves you and is working a journey in your life to get you to where he knows
ultimately you're going to be most satisfied in him. Father, thank you for your love for us, and
I pray right now in Christ's name that there would be an energy overtake this place, and
we would worship and praise you in a way that we haven't in a long time. The music would fill our ears. The passion, the energy would fill this place,
and we would all say, "God, you have been with me on this journey, and I've done some
pretty stupid things, but God, I want to follow you, and I want my greatest satisfaction to
be in your presence that you would be most glorified in us when we are most satisfied
in you." Come near, Lord, Jesus. Descend upon us, holy spirit. Let us see you that we may be changed by you,
in Christ's name, amen. I see that you're done. I hope you enjoyed that video. There's two more just like it, right here
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