What I Wish My Therapist Told Me | A Buddhist Monk's Reflection

[Music] so let me take you back to a time where i was seeing a therapist at that time imagine you're in the room with me i meet with my therapist for the very first time she's very kind she was very soft she was very compassionate when i was meeting with her at that time i was nervous i sat in the therapist's office and she introduced herself like normal and we started the process of developing the rapport and the relationship she looked at me and asked me what i came to see her for and some of the things that i wanted to work through therapy in america there are different types of model but the therapist that i was seeing she practiced cognitive behavioral therapy and her style was eclectic so my issue at that time that i wanted to work with my therapist on was just this sense of heaviness this heaviness where i just felt off my life at that time i was a dancer i was working as a therapist i had a great life but something inside of me just felt heavy and the issue at that time really was because i was socializing had a lot of friends got invited to parties but really when i was in these social settings i inside was struggling on the outside looking in i was intro uh extrovert you know i was very talkative i was open i was friendly but deep down inside of me for me i just always had this issue of connecting being in a large crowd having small talk with different people and meeting new people walking to room and all eyes are on you i did not like that even when i would leave a social gathering i would try to leave lightly not be noticed and i did not want that attention in these kind of social settings i'm going to different gatherings whether it was for dance whether it was with friends these were just a normal thing that we did and i just wanted to be more active i wanted to be more involved so i would put myself in these situations what i wanted to work on is i've just noticed that i've always compared myself to my friends where being this socially awkward person um i would see my friends who are amazing you know in these social gathering gatherings at these parties or these potlucks or get-togethers they would come together and i would see my friends just shining they would light up a room they were so funny they were hilarious they can connect they were the life of the party and i remember just studying them and i just said why is it that my friends were so comfortable in their own skin why is it that my friends can talk to anyone about anything and they it felt so natural but for me in these social gatherings i was like a wallflower i did not want to open to have these conversations i was just more timid i find that when i did strike up conversations with people i just wasn't that connected or wasn't that interested i know that sounds bad to say but the setting was off because i just knew i might not even see these people again i didn't want to start these conversations i don't know not my fault not their fault but that's just how it was so when i met with my therapist who happens to be a cbt therapist she wanted to support me with this so what she did was again listen to what was heavy for me and then knowing that it was in a social context she gave me advice on how to cope and the way she taught me of how to cope and not be a wallflower and feel bad was she gave me tools and these tools were just maybe in a large crowd or in a large room instead of feeling that pressure go to one person talk to one person so you don't feel like you have to talk to anyone and spend the rest of the time just talking to that person getting to know them and again she gave me these little techniques that would help me in a social setting and it was helpful and it was good but for me now looking back years later what i wish my therapist would have told me at that time what she was working with me on were coping skills to fixing these issues and that's great but really what i wish my therapist would have explored with me was what is my true nature and again my true nature the way i'm designed and i'm built the fabric of me the temperament of me really my whole life has just been this introvert quiet uh hermit who likes to be by himself who likes to study deep things i'm not a person who's interested in small chit chat i don't like being in a large crowd i don't i do not enjoy being in being the center of attention in front of uh many people so again that has just always been my nature very timid very in the background i like to listen more than i like to share so i just like to study things i like to study people and i like to study patterns especially patterns associated with suffering and then how do you get out of that suffering the second thing i wish my therapist would have told me is the way i'm design again being this shy kid shy adult now um just a generally in the background person that that was okay and instead of changing myself to fit in i always felt like i was not good enough in those settings and it really was that i was designed a different way my temperament was different my structure was different and again that's okay so for anyone who is feel like they don't fit in who is awkward or who feels like they don't belong i'm i i don't know if this means anything to anyone but to let you know that the fabric of how you were built is perfectly fine and perfectly natural so don't beat yourself up and if anything take the time to study that and that comes back to point number three and the third thing i wish my therapist would have told me is take the time to actually nurture it and cultivate it what i thought was my weakness the fact that i was so shy the fact that i uh was in the background the fact that i like to listen more the fact that i like to study deeply and work with people one-on-one or be in a setting with people one-on-one very intimate i like to have deep conversations like i said i wish i would have been encouraged to nurture this so instead of taking the time to develop on skills that i thought were important to actually take the time to explore my fabric my dna my nature and then to enhance it and highlight it and it comes to point number four and point number four is what i wish my therapist would have told me is that then put this nature in the proper context put in the proper lane because as the way i'm designed as the biggest introvert out there and then you're gonna put me in a party setting in a social setting in a room setting that doesn't work and i would always feel um uneasy i would always feel off because imagine you trying to stuff yourself in an area where you don't belong and then you have to learn coping skills to adapt and adjust and you can do that and it's good to do that but for me it's it would have been better to just even know your nature than put it in its proper context so what i realized through this whole process was that everything that i judge as negative as weakness as bad within myself actually turned out to be my biggest strength when i discovered this or when i've learned this concept and this is why i'm sharing because of the many years of just deep suffering this deep longing feeling like i didn't have anyone to properly guide me and teach me how to get out of this dark place and when i've learned what my nature was taking the time to contemplate to reflect to get quiet and still then to see myself as clearly as possible and then to know that the way i'm structured is perfectly fine and then also to cultivate that peace and then to put it in the right area and when i did this my whole life shifted when i took the time to cultivate my strength or my nature then it led me into working at the hospice sitting with clients who are about to pass away on their death bed sitting with families who just had their husband brother siblings children father died in the hospital and they're coming to me for grief counseling whether it was a school shooting and we're dealing with the young students or working with the mother young mother who was so excited because she was getting ready to have her baby and because of natural circumstance or because of the different circumstances she ended up having a miscarriage and she's sitting in my office with me and the clients are crying the heart is heavy and for me put me in this setting my nature is just shine i can sit with someone who is suffering i can sit with someone who has a heavy heart then i can listen to you and i can hold this heaviness without an issue and that's just been my nature but you can see with the way i'm design with a one-on-one setting quiet introvert again you put me in this social gathering not my nature and i was trying to adapt and fit in and the puzzle there was just this friction and then i got into the cycle of judging myself and beating myself up and actually no the party wasn't wrong i'm not wrong but it was just when it goes together and in the setting it was not proper so can you do those things of course but for me i just wish someone would have told me of you would have less suffering if you were to stay in the proper lane and to develop yourself fully now for many years that it took to know myself better and now knowing my nature i'm here as a buddhist monk in thailand i'm sitting out here at a meditation retreat center in pai thailand and it's absolutely beautiful around me are just flowers and you can hear i don't know bees and i think there are birds and insects and it's just slow and i've had the time here to get more quiet to get more still to be with myself to learn more and cultivate my own inner wisdom to learn more truth to learn and understanding understand about my own suffering look at my patterns and pull out the wisdom and then to offer and to share it with the world for me this is like the ideal and i don't feel any pressure i feel light and it just feels peaceful very peaceful because i'm honoring me i have no pressure i have no expectations i'm not trying to fit in but it just comes naturally and why am i sharing this again it's really because i think out there in the world there are people who are suffering who have a heavy heart right now they're doing the best they can to try to fit into their environment and and it it's not sinking through and the analogy that i can best explain this is really imagine that we're plants okay just follow along but imagine we're plants you're actually a rose a red rose that was your design and that was your your dna that was how your built-in structure and someone put you out in the middle of las vegas las vegas is amazing and it's beautiful i love las vegas but las vegas is a desert and it's hot and in this desert you see just a lot of cactuses and you as the rose are planted in the middle of las vegas in this garden you're around all these cactuses you don't even know that you're rose and you look around and you see all these cactuses and you're like man they're very strong they're very sturdy i love their thorns and how how tough they are i like that they can endure the heat i like their strength and their resiliency they don't need that much water they're amazing and then you spend your time comparing yourself to them and you're like i want to be like them i want to be like this cactus you know you go see your your therapist now and the therapist gives you coping skill of how to be like the cactus and really like i said what i wish someone would have told me is that take the time to realize who you actually are by your design and your design is that you're a rose and is it a good thing is it a bad thing it's neither one that's just the nature of you and when you know that that's your nature because you've taken the time to study it and you know that then you cultivate it and you develop it in a different way you water the plants you get a different amount of sunlight and you fully take care of you you nourish your body heart mind spirit and you just keep filling yourself up and you become this full-fledged strong rose and you don't look at anyone else but really just keep cultivating yourself and be the best rose that you can be and then you put yourself in the proper context as the rose you don't fit into all with all these cactuses because that's just not your nature you know that cactuses can withstand these these these high heat it can withstand not having water but for you as the rose that's not your design so are you not good enough are you not strong enough that's not the point the point is is that you're not a cactus and discover who you are don't try to be a tool up don't try to be a lily pad don't try to be a sunflower because you're not and the more you try to be all those things the more you will suffer so again go back to study your nature take time to get quiet and still and when you actually honor know yourself put it in the right area and again you will shine i can guarantee it you have this peacefulness you'll have this lightness and you won't worry about what anyone else is doing but tend to your own garden so while i'm sharing all these things about my personal therapy experience therapy as a whole not bashing on it i respect it i love the psychology field and for me that is my background also so just wanted to give that disclaimer so continue if you're in that space to see a therapist but i just wanted to highlight this concept why i'm sharing it with you is really because now looking at things from a buddhist lens this is where buddhism shines is it a religion is it philosophy don't worry about that but really take the essence of buddhism what buddhism teaches us to do is train your minds get clarity on the mind and see reality see yourself see others see your situation clearly as it is not who you want to be not what your desires are not what your fantasies are but who you actually are and seeing the situation for how it really is how reality really is and i think many times we add this placement we add this judgment we add these stories to things but really what the buddha taught was see things as they are and when we have cravings and desire this is the root of suffering is really because we want to be someone we want to be something we're always craving and desiring and then we're stuck in this situation we're always comparing with other people so again to wrap it up i would encourage you to slow down take a look at yourself fully have the courage to go deep inside yourself put the blinders up doesn't matter what anyone else is doing it's is this journey easy is it where i can just take an hour go sit down and know who i am no that's not how that works it takes time it takes patience it takes endurance is it an easy path no but is it worth it absolutely absolutely on this path as difficult as it is when you pursue it you'll actually be able to sleep on your own bed rest your head on your pillow and feel proud of yourself so again all the way from thailand the sun is setting now and i just want to wish you all well be safe and i hope this was helpful to you and good luck thank you you

Channel: Nick Keomahavong

Views: 739,030

Rating: 4.9625278 out of 5

Keywords: a day in the life of a monk, monk, monks, buddhist monk, life of a monk, monk life, the life of a monk, what i wish my therapist told me, a buddhist monk reflection, buddhist monk reflection, buddhist monk mental health, mental health with monk, the life of a buddhist monk, buddhist monk reflects, therapy session with buddhist monk, buddhist monk therapy, therapy with buddhist monk, mental health and buddhism, buddhism and mental health, buddhist monk life, monk anxiety, anxiety

Id: SysctKGdOKA

Length: 20min 0sec (1200 seconds)

Published: Thu Mar 25 2021