We Need To Talk - Not My Cup of Tea (Part 2)

you Oh [Music] [Music] babies feel we've great is hotel office part or say no face grace is [Music] [Music] by bouncy fool care what God resized feeds me Cindy it's sweet we chose to die Marseilles Oh a friend [Music] we'll continue with song number nine - this is my father's world [Music] this is my father soir and to Lacey [Music] all major sings and run me rings the music of the spheres this is my father's war arrest me the phone upon centuries our skies and seas face the waters warm this is my the butterball [Music] white makeup spray [Music] [Music] in the rising sign bus he speaks to me everywhere this is my father's world that's me before game so strong it is a good this is my mother what should my heart be son [Music] how long O Lord our Savior will sing the song in so hilly Piccolomini Buena song number seven eight in Nimbus a crystal seven eight pack aleni Bona [Music] food to choose shall we bujji starting Buju [Music] my car watch [Music] what charge it one time [Music] okay why what are you to tea [Music] Sparty Oh [Music] good afternoon good afternoon viewers welcome to our afternoon service and this is another series from the Family Life Department that has been running we started off last Sabbath entitled we need to talk my name is dorita bora and on behalf of nairobi central SDA church family life department i take this time to welcome you and to make you feel at jesus feet as we are going to learn and listen to him speak to us this evening and at the same time i want to pray that we have a teachable spirit now before we begin the session i would like us to turn to our bibles we are going to read from the book of Ephesians Paul has some wise counsel for us and at this time we are going to read from the book of Ephesians chapter 5 Ephesians chapter 5 verse 17 it says therefore do not be unwise but understand what the will of the Lord is at this time we understand that the pandemic has come with various challenges families are disturbed but Paul gives us a word of caution and reminds us not to be disturbed and to depend on God not to be unwise and to listen to the will of God and therefore I urge us to feel free relax and be ready to listen to the Word of God now last week we began our series with the first session which was choose your cue then we had quarantine quarrel or quality time as family members I want to believe that after the session we were able to continue having quality time as family members and we know that we focused on the young people we know that our families are diverse we have the young people the parents we are trying to cater for the entire family so we started with a youthful discussion today we are going to look at a theme a title not my cup of tea and therefore I welcome each and every family member to be ready to listen to what the Lord has for us this afternoon so we are blessed to have a panel the Lord has chosen my dear sisters and brother who are going to take us through this session and before they do that I would like to invite us to bow our heads in prayer Heavenly Father we come before your presence one more time this afternoon father we invite that your present Tabernacle with us as we share amongst ourselves your word which you have for us to do with our families dear Lord we pray that we may not lose focus and father that we may be steadfast in faith believing that despite all that we are going through you're still seated on the throne give us the faith and understanding to believe and trust in you at this hour I pray Lord that you give us a teachable spirit that we may be able to listen to you speak to us through our sisters and brother thank you Lord one more time in Jesus name I pray amen [Music] it came from nowhere but now our lives have to go somewhere the pandemic has locked families in and now for more than three weeks we are together when you put that number of people together in the same space something is going to break things that needed to be exposed will be a new ways of coping and conversations are needed to be hard now need to be heard ladies and gentlemen wherever you are following us from we are glad to have you with us and this is yet another episode of We Need to Talk the show that brings together families in this period of a pandemic and we talk about real families and there are real issues and hope to get to real answers from a real God today we are talking about not my cup of tea and more on that a little bit later but I want to bring on the team that is here there really are the subject matter experts on that pretender and we are just going to be doing their job my work is to make sure they shine I would like to give each one of them our opportunity to introduce themselves starting from my extreme right happy serveth and good afternoon everybody my name is Rhonda IRA a member of Nairobi central SDA church I serve in the children's ministries as over as well as in the dick deaconesses ministries um my professional background is human resource I am a human resource practitioner I have a family 22 years of marriage and firstborn son is now turning 21 in the mall in June this year then the second born is stunning seventeen at the end of the year we give thanks to God for his love and we pray that we are going to be blessed this afternoon even as we share in the experiences that he has allowed us to go through during this period of crisis may God bless you all thank you welcome Rhoda you've had 23 years of marriage you know - no - man's I am extremely we begin with you and then we go to the Rita hello viewer happy Sabbath glad you joining us my name is Antigua in this church i service Deaconess and also sing in the choir Korea was a man indication dist I'm a teacher it's my passion I'm sure some of my students are watching me now total lacrosse primarily seniors in high school in college and at the moment I'm run in a private school day and body so welcome and hope you enjoy the discussion this afternoon thank you and on matters online we have my sister to introduce herself good afternoon one more time my name is Marita abura as I'd mentioned earlier I'm going to coordinate the questions and I am also representing family life Department of Nairobi Central SDA church welcome thank you so already you you almost get a sense sandwiched between 47 years of marriage 22 on my right 25 on my left so if I feel a bit intimidated I'm I'm excused and who always gets a chance to sit between a teacher and hey char it feels very scary it feels like those days you to call to the staff room I don't know why teachers used to do this and one teacher called you to the staff room and suddenly when your kid becomes a staff room a stuff room affair instead of getting three canes you end up getting a beating from God knows who all over the place again please feel free to follow us on YouTube that is nairobi central SD charge and send your questions there or alternatively on facebook we are you can find us that nairobi central SDA church we will be filled in your questions and they'll be intermingled here so please jump on and get going today's four is we are looking at the entire family scenario during this time of pandemic but dominantly through the lens of ladies and that's why we have ladies and I have the privilege of being the man on stage to coordinate them so let me begin with Molly moon what do you what's the experience been for you as you go through this pandemic both as a mother and as a enterpreneur educator what's what's the experience been so far for you alright thank you as an educator and as a teacher I'm used to these bricks we worked really looking for to closed in in a month time for the Easter so I'm used to them and I was looking forward to tweet because for us the breaks give us a chance to be with the family to do a few things here and here that we are not able to do during the time but now this one came so abrupt and even though to some extent I was happy that I was looking forward to be with my young adult sons and my spouse the way he came and the anxiety and the tension kind of threw me off guard and so I just took a day at a time me see let me appreciate like a holy door a brick and then now gradual is when it's duly known as that it's quite huge I always thought only the students loved closing day khumba Vanda the teachers look forward to closing day you you you're secretly dancing in the staff room like yeah today we are closing school mm-hmm I wonder why the school system is like that Radha how is it zooom meetings and and and and following up on people if they are at work now this remote what's been your experience with this lockdown and and family life and work life thank you so much brother saya it has been an interesting but also difficult experience the dates the first confirmed case of coronavirus worker Onam virus was was announced it sounded like a joke and we were like is it real so we closed on that Friday 13th of March and we thought that things were going to be just ok until Sunday 15th then the president came out with very heavy announcements that were going to be very transformative in the manner in which you executing things and the office and that therefore subsequently then marked changes even in our homes children had to come back from school before the actual date of closure and yes a lot has happened what we appreciate and what I personally appreciate is the family is now closer together on the professional front what I have realized is that it is a time that reveals character it is a time that reveals real professionalism it is a time that reveals our the extent to which we abide by formal instructions we are required to scale down and ensure that people work in the office on a rotational basis so when you are releasing our staff we expected and we communicated that everyone should be within their duty station but I think human beings like a lot of freedom and when we were told to work from home some people thought any place can be home and therefore some decided to move away from their duty stations until the day the president said Nairobi is an area that is now restricted Mombasa is restricted Khalif is restricted and Kuala is restricted the next day we realized that indeed obedience to instructions is a problem there are people were locked out of their duty stations thank you okay so just if you're watching this that's the long version of HR telling you they are doing appraisals or new right now one meems I know there's a lot of and there's a lot of talk and chatter on social media order which means or which messages have helped to capture the sense of this moment thank you so much brother saya there's one that has been depicting employees with a certain mindset as legions but I think the person who came up with it probably didn't put everything into perspective so you've seen this that that there is Allegiant who is somewhere getting ready to ask for leave after this crisis yes that has been an interesting one and I'm wondering why does somebody think that asking for leave after this makes one Allegiant Thank You Molly more which which one not stood out for you I should say three please allow okay - one day and one as a teacher that obscene trend in one was some young children were pestering their parents to take them out for dinner they were used to being taken out and so now they couldn't understand why this time they can't go out and dine in the best restaurants that they normally do and so the parents came with an idea where they would actually host them in their home but sort of restaurant setting and they actually took rolls and sit for them a focus dinner from this Tata to the desert we have no they the father acted as the the chef and and then the mother was the wit and they were fully in their approves and they were taking orders and that made me realize oh yes so as a family we can actually do something and the kids felt happy that they have gained in one of the famous restaurants just inside the home have you ever tried that idea have you thrown such a party in the house we are yet to go yet but yes if it continues might as well okay then the other one was this idea now spouses working at home so now ways you know some things were trending from the wives side when the husband is talking on the phone with colleagues at work or his bosses they couldn't actually identify it is the husband's because some of them were very polite so that shows how they talk to them and so in fact one way I said I thought today's a strange I was just come in the house and is chatting on phone all right so and then the last one from the point of view of our teacher it trended in most in the UK did on April first they decided to play pranks on the children that now they are going back to school and so they woke them up prepared to them and took them some up to the gate of the school and then told them which daisies so of course it means there was no school yet and so the reaction of the children made me realize their critical role as teachers we play they really wanted to go back some cried literally tears and they were at the edges who are young vivid seniors and they felt so discouraged that they can't meet their peers and their teachers who sometimes become they are the parents there so I realized that we do play a lot of a big role in the lives of our children they're missing out a lot in their social life I did many other areas that we may not be aware of I'm not too sure I fall in that category of children dorita which which which is anything online for us and also from you which memes have stood up for you in this time at the moment we are waiting to get more response from the members but I was also moved by the meme of parents setting up a restaurant a restaurant within the family set up I mean that just threw me off and I was amazed at you know how diligent the father could be a chief and at the same time the mother waited upon the children with a lot of diligence I mean that stood out for me I think this is a point I look at the main camera and say dear father and mother I will send you that mean please do something yours truthfully SIA we want our we need a fair deal but it is the crisis reveals character ok crisis reveals character when it rains and your roof had not been good it's on the rain that causes leakage the rain just exposes the leakage that was already there beginning with you on and this may not be about your family only but you and your peers and and every what are some of the deep underlying family issues that you feel this particular pandemic from a woman's point of view is being laid to the surface maybe the top two things that you think it's being laid bare from what you're going through all right all right what I could say like the way you put it that a crisis reveal it doesn't create so that means if that challenge or was not there before it won't be there or it will be as aggravated so one of the challenges I've seen is communication that we could be with family members or our own children or spouses but we don't hardly communicate maybe because of our busy lives we hardly know each other and so now we are together you still find there are some challenges in getting to communicate the other one is that due to that lack of proper communication we had to know each other I should acknowledge that there are some things I've seen about my spouse about my children I did move and so in one way I'm thanking God oh thank god this came because I'm seeing some of the things that I did know because we didn't have such a time as this is a very unprecedented time other other things you're getting to learn positive or negative both let me say it's given us an opportunity to see both the good side and the other side because you know when we are busy and have commitments we hardly have a lot of time together maybe when when we come for a break or a holiday it is a short time but now we are there for an extended period of time in a confined space so you'll see some of the anti-social behavior and some positive ones as well that I have already noted and I'm sure everyone else is meeting at home Rhoda I remember my appetite when I was a teenager okay and your children you have one who's 17 and one was not too far from there so besides the damage that is being done to the fridge okay and chocka Locka cuarenta maraquita tree Misha in three days what else are you experiencing what what is being brought to the surface at this time thank you so much brother saya I am happy that at this time a lot is being revealed as sister Ann has already mentioned both positive and negative one positive thing that I've noticed is that young people not only love to eat but they will make very wonderful contributions in bringing that food to the table once it is availed at home I want to give credit to - to - to my elder son he has been our chair and he's been making such great meals I also get to share with my friends and one of my friends told me that Radha I have to youth and one teenager and I am amazed at the level of cooperation I am seeing in my children everyone is ready to make contributions to ensure that mealtimes are fun times the second thing that I have noted is the revelation of the extent of official responsibilities that each of us has as a family as we go through the period of confinement we have to share resources and share resources very closely as I've mentioned earlier we work on rotational basis in the office so there are days that I work at home now we have to share the same working space at home at the same time we have a forum three student who is on with the school work and the school has introduced some online programs ki CD has also introduced online programs so there's a lot of official responsibilities that each person in the family holds so what I have noticed is that it has been an opportunity to appreciate the extent of responsibility that everyone has respect that responsibility and support everyone to achieve their goals thank you okay and and just now let's let's cut this into into laser please remember you can contribute to this conversation by sharing your questions your comments on Facebook that is at nairobi central SDA church and also the same hashtag on youtube and we have somebody keeping an eye for us on that and we want to incorporate your conversations there i'm so the retail is something that you can always give me a thumbs up if there's none we can just a comment that is quite encouraging Sally is here saying that crises reveals character and she is enjoying the discussion Thank You viewers and we want to encourage you to keep them coming any questions feel free to ask thank you indeed thanks and please be part of this conversation ladies we want to I want to split this into two so first of all is within paveed and beyond covet your wives your mothers okay so I want to first look at your role as wives what are some of the things like if I put a chair there one for mr. Cheng I happen to know mr. Bora very well and mr. schirra and you are talking not to them but through them in other words they were representing other men or representing the universe of husbands out there and you were representing the universe of women that are there what is what is the heart of a woman that you'd like them to be able to know what are some of the fears some of the desire some of the curiosities that you'd like them to be able to know all right right I'll say this in just three simple expectations that we expect or as a wife and as a mother would expect from my spouse is one provide leadership you find God put them as the head of the family and therefore we look up to him in as much as we know that they may not have all the answers because what we are in is something that even world leaders are unable to comprehend and even offer solutions but as our husbands who look up to them to guide us provide the security there's a lot of fear there is a lot of anxiety but when they assure us it's gonna be fine even if they don't know we will just be settled we'll be fine we will relax let me just hold you there when you say provide leadership how does that practically look like practically is talk to us tell us yes it's this is the situation things are like this financially of course you know we may be scaling down we would want to know to what extent so that we can offer support in case there need to be so that we don't still put the same demands we've been put in all along when things were okay we should understand that these things have changed there some of our supposed assume we have lost jobs others their salaries has been reduced as those businesses are feeling they need to talk to us and be open at this segment tell us this is how things are and so then all over there in Lee together as though it may cause friction when we put some demands and they may feel like nagging or that we are very demanding not understanding but in real says we do not know what they are going through okay so you say three things number one is often leadership when I may I hope you're writing those notes down what's number two number two would be for them to get this time I remember last session you see the main fear there let's talk but now they are not busy since I've come down the vent those who are working are working from home so I do wish that they create the time to talk to open up to assess their ways to their children whatever the edges and across the genders most of the time we wish they mentor the boys but I feel it's time that you have the cross-gender talks where they open up to the children without necessarily saying it's a formal time to talk you know those things will come in if for example the engage and help like they the example of given of the the father who was a chef then when they're with the boys on with the girls um we are doing some tasks those things will come out because when I talk to me to Lynn they tell me we don't want to be told so what have you what do you want to talk about they just want those things to come out and since now we just have a lot of time we would tell them can we talk now those things will come will tell honey you know this time I don't think it went well it will just come the same with our children they will open up when they become available and willing to talk okay gentlemen miss Kea this thing you've said we will talk when you get time the time is here now to engage thank you throw down any things some question I would like to hear you take thank you so much brother sir I'm a social media user and this this post that I read from one of my friends it said that men are now realizing that after all their wives are not as bad and when I read that I realized that indeed our families have been living in fear of the unknown which does not exist so what I'd like to encourage the fathers and the men to do is to take this opportunity to learn who their family members are exactly they should know that they are loved they should know they are cared for and they should know that they are supported and for that reason they need to pray that the unfounded fears in their hearts should dissipate so that the family can be together the second thing that I would like to say is to what extent are men taking this opportunity to take up their priesthood role it is very very important that fathers take the spiritual leadership of their homes are we taking this opportunity as fathers to study more are we taking this opportunity to bring our families around the table and have proper Bible study thank you so much let me just step on the second point as a wife and as a mother what does it mean to you and the husband is taking up priesthood what does it do to you as the woman of the whole thank you so much brother saya when the father the role of the priest wholesomely and diligently it blesses the mother why does it bless the mother there are several other roles that the mother ought to play in the home especially with regard to upbringing of the children and creating order in the home the mother would feel very blessed if she is confident that at the background the husband is praying for her and pray for the family but above all checking the leading role to guide Bible study in the whole brilliant volume I realized you had three points and I stopped you at the second one right do you still remember your third point yes and I would like to tie it to what my sister who died said about the suppose or our husbands taking the role of the priest how too tight in this way mine the third one was for the men to be to allow themselves to be vulnerable why I'm saying this is this we have this kind of African men that don't want to show weakness to Makka Moo cabeza and then and you know things that are really bad really bad what I want to include realized is to land even from the leaders I want to refer to the last month's prayer meeting by our president where he realized that he cannot do without good so he called all his whatever ministers and all dignitaries for Prius and one thing is a disease even science needs good so we could not do without good and how prayer and devotions will help as the man takes the lead is that it is shows the vulnerability of the man that I may not manage everything by this one the he points us to God who can so all these wait wait and you confuse me here little yeah other start you say that a man should show leadership then at the end you telling me you should show vulnerability I'm sure there's a man outside there thinking you're speaking from both ends of your mother how do you reconcile leadership and vulnerability in the same sentence thank you brother saya just for clarification so that we don't get confused vulnerability doesn't mean it's a weakness suing the being weak or desert contradict leading because even at this devotion the man is leading what he is doing at this point now for the devotion he is actually guiding his family to the source of power to the source of strength amidst the anxiety because of course we know no one has all the answers at this point so he's directing us to the right place and when he kneels down and bows before God then we realize there's a higher power we can always trust that he's covering us then the other how I connect also the reliability aspect is that sometimes our children think we never make mistakes mm-hmm I know there are times my children have told my mom they you didn't do right but because they fear sometimes is that fear with the father they never rooted them to tell them when they may have done something wrong at this time they are at home they have seen what our weaknesses they see how we are related to each other so it is good once in a while to admit VSM wrong and that is not a sign of weakness or a sign of lack of leadership in fact you are getting them in the right way to tell them if you are wrong man you know manna just be humble enough and apologies and then we move on I see the rich is getting ready with the questions before I go to what's happening online let me let me speak up for the men and get this chance the men will forever beat me if I don't ask these would you like the picture you expressing rod end on is in the eyes of many men too good to be true the I think there's a guy sit at them a couch or in the car about to crash himself thinking like this kind of women you're describing don't exist you know this women will be ok with a vulnerable man who will be okay with being led and everything what do you have to say to that like this picture we have about the women being tough hard gold diggers and all of that how do you reconcile that where where do we get this kind of women you people are describing thank you so much brother this kind of women are women who depend on God they're women who are living they are souls that are walking on the streets they are suffering Effects of mitigation of the spread of copied nineties they are everywhere with us all we need to do to ensure that they be that which we desire is by being honest and that it is not honestly that contribute that is almost aligned to the vulnerability that sister Ann is talking about rather say one thing that I'd like to say is that our children see through us so perfectly to the accent that even as a father you would like to hide your vulnerability they can see it so what we are asking of men and fathers is that just appreciate the fact that you are human I appreciate that the fact that God has surrounded you with people who love you in the name of your spouse in the name of your children and these people can see through you even when you do not speak they can read your fears so all that we are asking this afternoon is being members of a loving caring family let father's not fear to express their fears and let father's accept reverse mentorship a sister anything if father's fear to announce the need to moderate consumption or utilization of the supplies that we have at home you may just never know probably making that announcement would allow you an opportunity to get some intelligent idea from one of your children that would just make life bearable thank you thank you yeah if I could add the effect of that not only to as a spouses but to the children last week you had the youths now maybe we will come to that the cases of suicides that are going on and all that do you know one of the reasons the young people feel frustrated and will be when commit suicide or do things that hang them is because we have set for them I you talk your kind or picture that we are all perfect everything is perfect and I need this and the standard and so when some of them cannot because our children of different abilities when they cannot meet that then they can't even physio and even because you have never been shared with them they feel as you yourself went through you have never heard of that so now the children Wanda so this philia where will I take it so I would rather not face my parent with this because my parent my dad is perfect my mom is perfect and all that so we need to true show that we can make errors we can make mistakes and those we will see how to work around them and move on ok the return one assignment in the online he had the first comment from Susan Thank You Susan for this comment Susan is saying that the men who are the heads of the home need to take their priestly role seriously the physical church is at home Bible study prayer and fasting it is at home and therefore our heads of families should take up their roles seriously again there's also a question from ma city one's own machete is asking that please talk about creating variety at home now that the gym and other recreational places have been closed down how our family is going to cope thank you okay thank you for reminding us the sister we talked about the priesthood beginning at home ma city we will come to your question when we begin delving into the more practical bit soul of the Reta keep an eye on that and any other question and keep us accountable and yes please keep sharing your questions on facebook at nairobi central SDA church and the same handle but also on youtube now I want us to segue to the Bible to the book of Titus and to bring in the second half you see the first half you've been talking about the spouses but Titus has a lot to say about now mothers specifically to their children and we need to to talk about that so for those who are following us wherever you are the book we are reading is Titus chapter 2 we're going to forecast verses one to eight except of us two so it's going to be versus one three four five all the way to verse eight so what we will do is just like in standard practice we will read and then discuss a little and my emphasis is how this particular passage applies to we as mothers to our children both of the mail and of the female um order so let me begin it I'll speak the easy verse it says but speak louder things which become sound doctrine so in other words ladies the things Paul suggests no rights to Titus not suggest but rights to Titus he says these are beings that belong in the category of sound of sound doctrine in verse two he talks to the aged men but because at this point we're not talking to the aged men I want to read to verse 3 verse three says the aged women now know eight hours they the aged means Masanga 25 years for marriage is not little so the aged women likewise that they be in behavior as becomes holiness not false accusers not given to much wine teachers of good things so let me ask before we you read the other verses just a teeny what do you think of a weakness as women have both during this coveting and generally and you may be the perfect women but you're speaking about the other ones not the ones on this stage what do you think are some of the challenges the modern woman the professional the enterpreneur needs to address in order to bring harmony and growth within the home any one of you can go first thank you so much brother Zion I like the the last expression there or the last instruction that we should be teachers of good things you know this is the time as we say that crisis reveals character this is the time that revelations are coming through have we been teachers of good things as mothers because if we have not been teachers of good things as mothers then definitely they are chaos in our homes definitely there's somebody who feels that they're in a prison and brother saya I'd like to tell you that it is true not everybody is enjoying this it is not everyone's cup of tea and basically because as mothers in some cases we have not been teachers of good things and yes I would say that we can confidently confess that we need to change in terms of what we are teaching within our homes so Radha if you to go to specifics what do you think the modern woman like to top things you think any modern woman on average needs to improve to become a better woman a better mother and to make home a better place thank you so much brother saya well one thing that I'd like to address especially in respect to the young mothers and the place they find themselves in is the age of their children makes the chores around the home very demanding for that reason they cannot manage it alone and they need house helps one thing that is happening is that in some homes all the chores have been abandoned to the house health sometimes mothers don't even want the children around them the mothers want peace because the office has been too much for them and when they get home they want to bury their heads in their pillows and assume nothing else exists so one thing that I'd like to say is that there is need for transformation on that front how can we make home a good place in terms of supporting our households in terms of helping our children to be governing so that they can also be self-controlled and self-discipline to make life easy for anyone else who has to support them through life thank you I saw a funny meme that I shared with my sister who's a teacher that says in Swahili Sasso may compel him to talk only so more Amana summer by Tony moly one ammonia you know some of our children are like rodney was from before sana and you stay with them and you're like hey the house helped us to go through all of this what two things you think modern women need to change to make home a better place all right I think one of the areas is setting a good example in addition to hood at Sarada has said about them making the children miserable they should set a good example by the way they carry themselves their deportment and they think it will come out also in the verses that we are going on in terms of behavior morality and the acceptable behavior because what they our children do out there is what we have trained them and may be tolerated or we were too busy we did not see so certain that good example is the best thing that we could do the other thing is to tame the tongue I think what you have read it has talked about false accusers and there I picked the impression of the tongue where even the service talks about I mean the preacher analysis is about the tongue of the woman being like a drip line tap that is dripping endlessly so it mean not to just imply that they give lies but their tongue can actually push away the family members by how she talks to the husband to the children and so when you asked in the first point what area we should address I think we should address this how are we talking to them some of our children are all done and the way we give them instructions all the way we talk also to that meet all the way we answer to our spouses they actually repel them away from us and it connected to that there was a min where a husband was running away saying let me get covered out there then stay with her in that house and I think the time but if he didn't what I've said about complaining demanding even if we don't know the circumstances very well we can put our requests in a polite way that will not add stress to to our spouses or even to our children or whoever is around us actually proverbs says you better leave on the roof then live in a house with a nagging woman my my uncle once told me economic economic to see productive I know and asked him what does that mean and qusay's know their women who the way they talk to you they can force your hand so improving our tongues making our children governor ball Radha you want to read the next verse beginning from verse 4 Thank You verse 4 of title search of the two says that they may teach the young women to be sober to love their husbands to love their children to be discreet chaste keepers at home good obedient to their own husband's that the Word of God be not blasphemed ok let's pause there what jumps are to what do you think tight assist is being told where there really applies to our modern situation or jumps to you in those two verses verses 4 and 5 thank you so much verse 4 what what hits me in verse 4 is that the older we may need to stick the younger women to be sober and therefore the question I ask is at what point do they younger women lose sobriety you know if you tell us you're not invited of mine I know because of the stress of all that they have to handle both at home and in the office they can lose sobriety but the other thing is what type of company are the young women keeping around them the company you keep dictates dictates who you are and therefore as young women what I'd like to encourage is that you need to be very careful who you keep around you as a friend who is your adviser you know who are you learning from it is very very important now the second point is in verse 5 that the younger women should be taught to be discreet when it comes to family life I think this is a virtue that we all need to have younger women need to be discreet especially in terms of sharing information about their homes and about their marital lives they need to be careful thank you ok thanks Mollie more what jumps at you in verses 4 & 5 alright you realize most of the instructions here in the Titus chapter 2 are more to the women I try to ponder because for the men the aged men it was a liquid bath but there we mean it this was this verse and this and the next millennium knocking garnished a talisman one dqs on yes yes the way took it is that women play a very big role what the verses are trying to tell us is the great influence that women have and not only that go now beyond to those who look at that household even when a marriage failed you'll always be it will always be blaming the woman you did keep with the home the proverbs 31 a whole chapter in the book on the woman so for me it is struck that it is a very great influence that a woman has to the household and to others because now when you are impacting on the other younger women then we are going outside your family and therefore there are those who are looking up to you maybe the newly married or those who are yet to get married and so I would just echo what I said earlier about the influence we have in how we conduct ourselves in terms of not only just a conduct but event dress he communicates to the others how to respect and submit to our husbands in the beginning talk about the modern movement and more than busy woman that does not mean that when we come to the house probably our BOCES wherever we are but when we come to the house we'll put our whatever rolls the rolls down and then we take up the way duties okay so you don't show up at home and your boys stand up and say good evening mrs. chiger and you know like we used to do in school maybe brother say just one statement before we carry on that please at the end of verse 5 mm-hmm the purpose for these instructions is then brought out very clearly why should these lessons be taught to the younger women and I think that's something that we need to underscore the reason these lessons need to be taught to the younger women is so that the word of God may not be blasphemed and therefore what do we need to learn as women both old and young is that our character and our conduct ought to glorify our Creator thank you amen two things that actually jumped to me I'm going to the online session soon and two things a jump top that means what number one actually these things need to be taught you know it's it's they are not inbuilt they're just not natural they don't just come the it says a teach the young ladies and to know these things so if we don't see some of these things in the ladies it's probably because we are not taught it says not to be assumed that that actually just caught me like okay things actually need to be to be taught and then and it's interesting that Paul says let the older women be a certain way so that they can be able to teach these particular things which means the older women need to process the things then before they can profess so this is not maybe like class or chalk this is more of as you've said it character that is modeled and number two is the second thing that sprung out to me is these values are considered very old-fashioned but the Bible still insists they're important things like being discreet being chaste being keepers of the home being obedient to their husband the Bible still sees value in those particular things that they are are timeless in this dorita I would like you to comment on that and also bring what the online people are saying you're more of the newer more calm couples how do you say this these values being obedient to the husband's and all of those things being chaste how do you see them being practical and then you can tell us what's happening on the online space oh thank you brother saya if you'd kindly allow me I was first engaged in the questions I can see our ladies are keeping us engaged they have so many questions that they want responded to before I get to your question thank you very much we appreciate the responses now we have a question from cassia happy Sabbath and that's a nice discussion Kezia is asking us to please address those families especially the husband the husband's who lost their jobs yet the family still depends on them and also touch on single parents who are the sole providers for their kids that's just one of them I also receive a question from dy9 why Nina who is asking that how can wives whose husbands are not believers manage the spiritual leadership especially with sons who cannot model after their dad I want to tie that question with one more jennifer is also asking that she has young children female age brackets 15 17 18 and 19 from Christians from a Christian family but they are mostly interested in watching exotic music how can you handle this challenge this is a mother in distress okay so the way will tell you that show then and you can pick any of that the three questions questions largely you can pick any and go who wants to wants to go first Rhoda okay I will respond to the concern on the father who is the head of the family who has been the provider and is now has now lost his income and is unable to provide sadhana Dali addressed herself to this that father's needs to be honnest and they need to feel vulnerable why because they are in a setup where they allowed and cared for they in a setup where they are role as the heads of the families recognized and therefore their families are ready to support so if you as a father you have lost your income or your salary has been reduced at this particular point what you need to do is be honest and engage in a very focused discussion with your family on the practical way out at this point you may need to share in terms of what reserves you have so that you can discuss how long it can carry you through even as you wait for no master to be resolved so being honest with the family will help so that the family can support thank you thank you on which question I wanted to tell I would want to add something on how what my sister Runa has said on the family that it is a single parent I think or the sole breadwinners lost the job I would say in connection with the bus we are reading how women great influences there is one thing they are able to see able to see such need of such family and I'm sure that is what given our church did LA Sabbath lunch program where some of this vulnerable wounds that have been left in very bad position maybe they never had a source of income or those are single mothers family or widowed they can at least get some income actually Lindsay would say the woman can preach where the minister may not reach and therefore those neighbors who are miracles but very vulnerable families at least to identify such a needs and listen to such needs and even if they may not be able to help they can at least look for help elsewhere for them so that they can cope in this situation just him in addition and for those who may be as have survived in on very little then the why should be able to scale down skill down and avoid and duly demand from the husband at this such a critical time there was a question about some of the teens between ethnic 17 you forgot the ages right that are in exotic movies now it seems that as we have seen this problem never started at this time those teens picked the habit earlier and now they are seeing the effect of the addiction because now they have more time with the less responsibility so they engage in it in it more so this one is intervention the current and tried to to talk to them and engage them in other activity I think there was a question about what are the variety of activities we can engage the young people in we can have the cooking where we engage them in the cooking household shows we can allocated them with his eldest of gender we also have some gifts or talents music so there is a need for variety of activities that you could engage them because this had be sorry the addictive and they may even carry your after and then if you are not able to manage you can look for outside help the challenge has brought in mental challenges not just addictions they have been aggravated because of the confinement and therefore mr. Kinsella or a psychotherapist to be able to help them break the habit because 4minute Nvidia but breaking it is very hard and very challenging okay perfect yes Teresa you know thank you thank you my sister Ann via let you go for asking I think much of it has been touched but I think it's very sensual for me to read out this question that there's a lot of stress and tension in homes at this time that is to do with lots of income pay cards lack of space to catch a breather for most it's a pressure cooker how can this team be relieved yeah and also there's one more question I think will give reference to this because this is from a gentleman we've heard mostly the man's the lady speaking hello panel Gaffigan is asking happy Sabbath what role has technology done or played to the morale of the younger women has it built or destroyed their models yeah okay so the two questions are still there's a lot of other people who are watching the room a recording is a lot of sound sonometer three rephrase the question that being asked number one is how to deal with the stress that is coming from this situation and number two how to deal with technology as a tool that is being used in this time any takers on and order thank you so much the first question is how do we deal with stress that is emerging from the situation we find ourselves in now I do not know how many of us are paying attention to the guidelines that the copied response committee that keeps circulating the public response committee has already shared numbers that we can reach out to for counseling in case we are experiencing challenges and stress that is related to the crisis we find ourselves in but if you cannot access that information what I would like to and encourage everyone to do is make sure that you have a close support system around you reach out to your family reach out to your friends and kindly explain to them what you're going through they will be ready to support you don't close yourself in your house and just keep absorbing absorbing all the negative information that you read or hear about covet 19 and then you say I'm done you are not done the world is here to support you the second concern is what has technology done to the morals of the younger women now from the text that we have been reading our obligation as older women is to teach so what happens where that teaching has not been done it means therefore that the younger women will not be self-regulating and will overindulge in terms of consumption of Technology even in the negative context but what I'd like to say is that there is space forest restoration now if you have discovered that you are interacting or in your social circle there is a younger woman who is negatively impacted by technology do not ignore her and say she needs to deal with it on our own reach out and support counseling is available to restore such women and they can definitely find support groups and Bible study groups that can facilitate reconstruction of the mind and character thank you thank you and right yeah thank you in addition to whatever sister of the saved out say that stress could come in many forms and because by various issues surrounding this situation or other conditions that were there previously that were being managed and now they are coming out more pronounced because then they know our venues so it is good to find out what exactly is posting it and then see the right way to address now if it is connected to what is happening because I know Sonia you are frustrated I remember when it was saturated a sense of us and so now what happens to my to my graduation or something like that so talking to each other sister Otis a to really help so that they feel they are not on their own they are with that as the world is actually at a standstill so they will not miss out only alone they are missing out with others and who I am people I believe it is very important to open channels for them to communicate with their p.m. so that they feel that there are others who are also going through the same so and then in addition to that lets create time for the family to talk let's say it let's be open to each other what are you going through and how can we be on help so that we make each other's but then later and then let us not add undue pressure on them for example before this happened we had schedules of when this should happen and that which manner but now things have scaled down the corporate and old sector so we also should still down and ease our schedules so that we don't put undue pressure to the others then lastly on the effect of technology now habit of fate is formed is very easy to break it so it requires a lot of willpower we're not only the young people but even young women should be able to ascribe time for that and we should Riven try to encourage our young people not to indulge so much because even they can be confused with all that it happened the barrage of information so we need to prescribe time where we switch off and even like sleeping let's not go with our gadgets there we continue we continue and there is no heed to that on technology and the family is a book called the tech wise family that's a nice book to read and it gives us a step by step M if you addicted or over leveraging technology just the same way like we drugs or anything you need to detox technology is a tool and when you become addicted to a tool it has its consequences technology has no morality it only gains the morality you give to it so some of us are using at this moment technology tool and some of us are medicating and using technology to run away but the book the turquoise family would be a nice read for the people going through situations of income that have necessitated to change I want to remind you there's a difference between your job title and your skill so maybe because of your change in circumstance and your employment you employed as an engineer but now we don't need engineers what you need to do is take a step back and ask yourself what skills do I have for a moment just forget about your title and think about what skills do I have and then how do the skills I have and some needs that exist in society money is made at the point where those two things overlap where your skills are used to answer any and then with a wisdom shared scaling back being open I'm looking at it positively having a supportive Society it'll be well my view family is this actually my view family is it's a two engine plane at times one engine has a problem and then at that moment is when the other engine keeps the plane in the air until we can sort out the other engine and then maximize so if you're that wife whose husband the money has gone or his little just allowed to fly the plane for some time and within no time we'll be able to get the the plane jump-starting ladies out be skin if I don't let you go if I let you go without mentioning something your mothers and I know your mothers of boys the boy child is a big concern it came up last week it has come up time and time again what do the mothers need to do but during this lockdown period and beyond to be able to get young men who are fitted for the life that is ahead we have like three minutes to wind down but I'd really like you to each say something about the modern mother and raising the modern boy so that he becomes a man what needs to be done and I'll begin with you as a teacher what we have said earlier is what we need to deter them is to mentor and model the kind of woman that they would want to marry because eventually they will get there and one of the best things that has come out for me at this time was when one of my sons told me you got qualities that I would like to see in my wife and so so more Deline to me that does it so we need him more than we need to be self-controlled and offer guidance to them in how they should carry themselves as future husband and as you know fathers and so that for me does it of course with the help of our spouses and we fear that the modern boy child is not equally impart how can we bring both of them to power so that there's less tension and what role can mothers playing that thank you so much but brother fair maybe before I get to the issue of raising up boys allow me to answer the question once of a city asked because if we forget it he has my phone number is going to call me and is going to ask me why we ignored him so well to reach the confirmed gyms are now closed and many other facilities are closed what can families do so - brother Mercer and many others who may be having that concern what I'd like to say is let us be very innovative there is no lock down in nairobi why am i emphasizing that you can actually get out of your house and run down some street no one will have a problem with you as long as you're wearing your mask and keeping social distance so we don't necessarily have to do exercise by way of going to the gym but we can introduce alternatives that can allow us to keep fit another confirm that I know mothers are likely to ask on ladies is what about personal care so that we can keep safe it is not time to go to the salon it is time for us to get natural and allow the beauty that God grid created to shine now back to the the question of raising boys in a generation where girls have been extremely empowered what should mothers or parents do make your boys confidence let them know that they are complete and they are intelligent and they are capable empower your boys and for parents who have both boys and girls what I'd like to say is stop paying attention to one side more than the other balance your attention to both your children in terms of mentorship assignment of responsibility and facilitation thank you hmm Doritos any bonding thing for the last minute to take this time to apologize to our viewers the questions were overwhelming we didn't anticipate we'd have so many questions I can see the ladies were very much engaged I'm sorry we were not able to tackle each and every question but we promise you that we have counseling facilities available you can reach out to our church pastors and of course we will still be running this series as well next Sabbath is going to be more interesting and I saw a comment from Mazzetti who was asking that we should engage engage men in our subsequent series and I can assure you that tune in because we are going to have the men also communicate and pour out their hearts like the ladies have been able to otherwise we thank you very much for the questions if there are still more questions coming on please just hold on to them you can ask them next abut during our session afternoon session otherwise thank you shorts 30 seconds each what would you like to see as a parting shot situation we are all got ours our self find ourselves in no matter what kind of family you come from I had some single those who are widows and the married couples it is challenging and it is hitting us but what we can do during this time to make it better it will be worth it so that we don't just survive but thrive and come out stronger and let us be on the lookout that ourselves or our loved ones don't develop and healthy habits by having some form of routine even if not a very fixed one but some routine that can help us live and know which day and which moment is this for because instead of just having you know lazy lazy days they will be very long but when we schedule some time and avoid permanent solutions for a temporary problem we believe is a temporary problem and it will go and you will thrive through it and proceed onward as you were before thank you Radha your party shot my parting shot is that there is beauty all around when they slav at home and my plea is may we all ask Jesus to make us holy he is so that there can't be love at home thank you thank you my dear viewers that's the time we had for today thank you so much for engaging us online thank you so much - Anand - Radha who shared their views and deep insights I've been able to learn a lot and I trust it's been the same with you next week we're going to have men on the stage is going to be all men and you're going to talk and next week's title is called Adam other meaning an authentic dialogue about masculinity so those questions you had about two men those desires you have about men and what men should and should not be we'll be looking at that next week so please make sure same time 2 p.m. next Saturday afternoon we'll be here with another episode of We Need to Talk my parting shot is tough times don't last but tough people do so as we go through this just honoring women I want to leave us with three w's I think we need to go through this waiting period we will all need a plan to widen which is a plan to grow our skills a plan to grow our bilities during this transition times number two we'll need a plan to worship to keep us in connection with God and number three we will need a plan to walk walk on ourselves walk on our bodies but also walk our skills so that we can produce something widen until next time leather conversation not stop here let's carry them into our homes because as always we need to talk god bless all of you [Music] want to thank our viewers for having tuned in and listen to the panelists presenters a wonderful talk on the need to talk in our families of the wind up we'll do song number one eight nine one eight nine all that thrills my soul is Jesus [Music] to the parties by his presence or divine to intend up your run helpless to Poornima a trans person is is more than life to me rest of the five in my bracelet loader my so friendly would be the person through sports the smooth and ah the rest my place it is and supply if I win is only Oh is Alden now fairest open fire My blessed Lord I see by the crystal flowing whoa we and some dye will sing ah forever and for praise and glorify the class Oh friends my solace days is more than blood [Music] ah the fairest of them in my Blessed Lord I see I'd like us to have a word of Prayer as we end our time today and remind you that the women of us for leadership the vows for priesthood the vast for vulnerability the vast for openness the vast that we become they become models to their children and I pray but that will be achieved in our homes please follow us on our Facebook page at my Ruby Central Church SDA church and also in YouTube Nairobi central SDA church and let's keep this conversation going let's keep our out of prayer let's pray Heavenly Father we thank you so much for the gift of family we thank you Lord for the gift of a crisis to during which Lord some things that would otherwise not have been surfaced get to be surfaced thank you for the females in our lives thank you for the APRI the role of mother the role of sister the role of wives the role of confident and thank you Lord for the special place they play father we thank you for the things we have lunch together today and I pray loving God that you will help each woman within the reach of my voice to be able to fully feel the role that you have designed for them at this stage in life that there will be good role models that they will be fitting for the roles that you've given them I pray that the males around them will be able to become great companions and great support and great cheerleaders so that home will be a great place to be a pray Lord where the women are wanting may you give them the strength to be able to level up and loving father where the males around them are wanting may you also give them the strength to level up that as we partner together where as brothers with us brothers or sisters or as husbands together we shall be able to build homes that are not just habitable homes that are holy and happy and holy s--t I thank you and I praise you and Lord though this covet may not be our cup of tea through your grace may you help us change this situation that it'll become a blessed experience in our lives we magnify you and we praise you for we ask all of this in Jesus Holy Name Amen [Music] [Applause] [Music]

Channel: Nairobi Central SDA

Views: 6,606

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Id: 5knZeMP9RZw

Length: 89min 28sec (5368 seconds)

Published: Sat Apr 18 2020