♪ ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >> Taylor: I'M TAYLOR TOMLINSON
AND THIS IS "AFTER MIDNIGHT". THE ONLY LATE NIGHT GAME SHOW
WHOSE TARGET DEMOGRAPHIC INCLUDES AMBIEN USERS.
[LAUGHTER] WE ARE ON VERY LATE.
WE ARE ON VERY LATE. LET'S MEET TONIGHT'S PANELISTS!
SHE'S AN ACTOR AND COMEDIAN YOU KNOW FROM "SHEHULK", IT'S PATTY
GUGGENHEIM! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> I AM PATTY GUGGENHEIM, AND "AFTER MIDNIGHT," I'M GOING TO
LET IT ALL HANG OUT! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
BUT I'M NOT HANGING OUT, RIGHT? IT'S NOT ALL HANGING OUT, JUST A
LITTLE BIT? >> IT FULLY IS.
>> [LAUGHS] KEEP CLAPPING UNTIL I AM DONE
LAUGHING. THANK YOU.
YOU KNOW HIM FROM "GHOSTS" ON CBS, IT'S UTKARSH
AMBUDKAR! >> GOOD TO SEE YOU.
I AM UTKARSH AMBUDKAR, OR AS THEY CALL ME BY MY EASIER NAME
AT STARBUCKS -- >> Taylor: SHE'S AN ACTOR AND
COMEDIAN YOU CAN ALSO SEE IN "GHOSTS" ON CBS, IT'S BETSY
SODARO. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> THANK YOU, TAYLOR. FEEL FREE TO ASK ME WHATEVER YOU
WANT ON THIS SHOW. I HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS IN MY
LITTLE TOPKNOT! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Taylor: [LAUGHS] OKAY PANELISTS, TONIGHT YOU'LL
ALL BE PLAYING FOR... THIS PAMPHLET ABOUT UTI'S!
>> THAT WAS MY FIRST RAP NAME WAS UTKARSH THE INCREDIBLE.
AND I MADE AT UTI WITHOUT KNOWING.
>> Taylor: HOW MANY PEOPLE DID YOU HAND IT TO BE FOR TOLD YOU?
>> IT TOOK ALL 100, YES. >> ONE NICE HONEST PERSON.
>> ONE OF MY FRIENDS IS LIKE WHAT ARE WE DOING?
>> Taylor: NOW THAT WE HAVE SEEN THE PRIZE, HOW'S EVERYONE
EVERYONE FEELING? COMPETITIVE?
OH, OKAY, THAT WAS SCARY. >> I AM WITH THAT GUY, I'M SUPER
COMPETITIVE. I AM HERE TO WIN, GOOD COMEDY
ONLY COMES FROM A COMPETITIVE ENVIRONMENT!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] YES, I HAVE FIRED UP!
>> Taylor: IT'S TIME FOR "GROUP CHAT!"
PANELISTS, BUZZ IN WITH YOUR JOKES, AND IF YOU HEAR THIS
NOISE -- [BUZZER]
YOU GET 100 POINTS! I KNOW I READ LIKE ONE, BUT I'M
ACTUALLY NOT A FARMER, NOR HAVE I EVER BEEN A FARMER.
STILL, EVEN I KNOW THE SIGNIFICANCE THAT JOHN DEERE
HOLDS IN THEIR COMMUNITY. SO IMAGINE MY SURPRISE WHEN I
SAW THAT THEY'RE LOOKING TO COLLABORATE WITH MY COMMUNITY:
SCREENS. THAT'S RIGHT, THEY'RE HIRING
WHAT THEY CALL A "CHIEF TRACTOR OFFICR" TO BE THE FACE OF THEIR
SOCIAL MEDIA. PANELISTS, YOU'RE TECH SAVVY,
WHAT WOULD YOU POST AS THE FACE OF JOHN DEERE'S SOCIAL MEDIA?
BETSY. >> HEAD OVER AND CHECK UP OUR
MAKEUP TUTORIAL, YOUR FACE WILL GET SHREDDED BY A TRACTOR.
>> Taylor: [LAUGHS] PATTY.
>> LOOKING FOR SEXY PICKS? HEAD OVER TO MY ONLY FARM WHERE
YOU WILL FIND HEAVY MILK JUGS AND UNSHUCKED CORN.
>> Taylor: AND UNSHUCKED CORN. >> OKAY, PEPYS, JOHN DEERE IS ON
FLEEK AND ITS SUPER-DUPER NOT MADE, AND IT ALSO HAS A CAP, SO
JUST KNOW THAT THE RIZ IS ON THE GRASS.
>> THAT WAS GOOD. YOU SOUND COOL.
>> UTI SOUNDS COOL, MAN. >> Taylor: AS SOMEONE WHO HAS
HAD TO DO EXACTLY THAT ON THE SHOW, I KNOW HOW PAINFUL THAT
WAS. WELL DONE USING MID IN A
SENTENCE. EVERY YEAR, TEENAGERS ACROSS THE
U.S. ARE GIVEN A CONSOLATION PRIZE FOR MAKING IT THROUGH THE
PSYCHOLOGICAL TORTURE OF HIGH SCHOOL.
NOT A DIPLOMA, A YEARBOOK! RECENTLY, A POST BY "@SKY EZRA"
WENT VIRAL SHOWING OFF AN A.I.-GENERATED HIGH SCHOOL
YEARBOOK PAGE: OH MY GOD, REMEMBER WHEN SHAMP
CAUGHT FURTIS HOOKING UP WITH FOOB UNDER THE BLEACHERS?
IT WAS JUST HAND STUFF, BUT THEY HAD SO MANY FINGERS.
INSPIRED BY THESE BIZARRE A.I.-GENERATED YEARBOOK PHOTOS,
WHAT ARE SOME SUPERLATIVES FOR THIS GRADUATING CLASS?
PATTY. >> CUTEST COUPLE, CLARSER
AND OS MACBOOK PR PRO. >> Taylor: BETSY.
>> HOGG B IS MOST LIKELY TO WIN 011-0110 --
ZERO ZERO ONE. >> Taylor: HOGG B IS HONESTLY
A CUTE NAME. YES, PATTY.
>> MOST LIKELY TO GET MIXED UP SHRIMP AND SHRIMP, AND ALSO NOT
PICTURED SHOP. >> Taylor: THERE IS ALSO TWO
BORTS. THERE IS BULL CUT AND NOSEBLEED.
>> I COULD LOOK AT THIS ALL DAY. >> Taylor: I'VE SEEN THIS ALL
DAY AND STILL FINDING NEW THINGS THAT EXCITE ME.
>> I THINK THAT BUDDHIST IS THE ONE MOST LIKELY TO TEACH THE
ALGORITHM OF HOW TO MAKE PEOPLE OF COLOR.
[LAUGHTER] LET'S DO THIS, BUDDHIST.
SHOWING, BUDDHIST! >> Taylor: TIKTOK IS ABOUT TO
HAVE A NEW MOST-LIKED VIDEO OF ALL TIME FROM, SURPRISE, A VERY
HOT PERSON! BOW DOWN BEFORE YOUR NEW QUEEN!
♪ ♪ BOW DOWN BEFORE YOUR NEW QUEEN!
♪ ♪ THAT VIDEO OF AUSTRALIAN MODEL
AND FITNESS INFLUENCER, LEAH HALTON, HAS ALREADY RACKED UP
OVER 46 MILLION LIKES. SOME PEOPLE ARE UNDERSTANDABLY
ASKING QUESTIONS LIKE "WHY?" OR "WHO IS THIS?"
OR "WAIT A MINUTE: IS SHE FILMING THIS WHILE DRIVING A
CAR?" BUT LEAH HALTON IS APPARENTLY
VERY POPULAR ON AUSTRALIAN TIKTOK.
SO PANELISTS, AS AN AUSTRALIAN, EXPLAIN TO US AMERICANS WHY THIS
VIDEO IS SO POPULAR. PATTY.
>> SHE TOOK THE ROLLS FROM OUTBACK STEAKHOUSE, NO ROLES,
JUST RIDE IT! >> Taylor: PERFEC.
BETSY. >> THAT'S NO WARNING, IT'S
ACTUALLY A JOINT AUSTRALIAN SPIDER!
>> Taylor: THEY ARE SO BIG AND SCARY!
>> SHOOT, TOP OF THE MORNING TO YOU!
THE LOSS IS MORE DELICIOUS THAN SOME PIPING HOT TAGUS!
>> Taylor: NO, BEFORE WE PLAY! , BECAUSE IT FELT AS IF IT
STARTED IRISH, AND THEN REALLY QUICK WENT REALLY SCOTTISH.
>> THE WEIRD THING IS I WAS GOING FOR JAPANESE!
>> Taylor: THAT GOT AWAY FROM YOU.
BUT HEY -- >> I'M GOING TO SNORT FROM OVER
THERE! [LAUGHTER]
>> Taylor: WELL, POINTS FOR EFFORT.
>> SO SWEET. LOVE HER.
>> Taylor: GOING OUT TO DINNER IS BLISSFUL, UNTIL THAT FATEFUL
MOMENT WHEN THE CHECK ARRIVES, AND EVERYONE PRETENDS LIKE THEY
DIDN'T HAVE ANY OF THE HUMMUS PLATE WE ORDERED FOR THE TABLE!
WE ALL SAW YOU, AMBER, AND YOUR BREATH REEKS OF CRUSHED
CHICKPEA. WELL, ONE FRIEND GROUP DEVISED A
WAY TO SILENCE DEBATE OVER PICKING UP THE CHECK FOREVER:
♪ ♪ [APPLAUSE]
>> Taylor: FUN FACT, THAT'S ACTUALLY HOW I GOT THIS JOB.
SO COMEDIANS, WHAT'S A BETTER WAY TO DECIDE WHO PICKS UP THE
CHECK? UTKARSH.
>> THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE! >> Taylor: PATTY.
>> I DON'T THINK THAT'S FUNNY! >> IT'S A HARD COLLEGE TO GET
INTO, OKAY? >> WHOEVER CAN AFFORD NETFLIX
WITHOUT ADS! ROLLING IN IT!
>> Taylor: THAT IS ACTUALLY REALLY GOOD.
>> EVERYONE INTO A LAKE AND WHOEVER FLOATS HAS TO PAY!
>> WHOEVER FLOATS? >> ISN'T THAT EVERYONE?
>> IF YOU THINK YOU ARE A GOOD CHRISTIAN WOMAN AND NOT A WITCH!
>> Taylor: WHEN YOU THINK OF FEMINISM, YOU PROBABLY THINK OF
EQUAL PAY, BODILY AUTONOMY, OR NEW SEASONS OF "GILMORE GIRLS."
BUT THOSE ARE LOFTY GOALS! SOMETIMES WE NEED TO PRACTICE
FEMINISM IN SMALL DOSES, WHICH IS WHY WOMEN ON TIKTOK ARE
POPULARIZING THE IDEA OF "MICROFEMINISM," A TREND WHICH,
QUOTE, "ENCOURAGES WOMEN TO MAKE THE WORLD A MORE EQUITABLE PLACE
THROUGH SMALL, INTENTIONAL DAILY GESTURES."
LIKE HOLDIN THE DOOR FOR ANOTHER WOMAN, OR SHOULDER
CHECKING RANDOM DUDES. >> THIS IS MY FAVORITE ACT OF
MICRO FEMINISM, SO GO ON THE CORRECT SIDE OF THE SIDEWALK,
AND I AM WALKING TO THE CAR, SURE ENOUGH THERE IS A GROUP OF
EIGHT YOUNG MEN WALKING TOWARDS ME TAKING UP THE ENTIRE
SIDEWALK. AND I JUST KEPT WALKING IN MY
LANE, AND LITERALLY WALKED INTO ONE OF THEM.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >> SORRY.
I AM CLAPPING. >> WHAT SHE DID NOT SAY IS THAT
THEY WERE PRESCHOOLERS. [LAUGHTER]
>> Taylor: A MAN IS A MAN NO MATTER HOW SHORT.
SO WAIT, IF I RUN OVER A MAN IN MY CAR, IS THAT MACRO-FEMINISM?
[LAUGHTER] PANELISTS, WHAT ARE SOME
PERSONAL ACTS OF MICROFEMINISM YOU'D LIKE TO BE RECOGNIZED FOR?
BETSY. >> WHENEVER A DUDE STARTS MAN
SPREADING, I SIT ON HIS LAP. [APPLAUSE]
>> Taylor: PATTY. >> BECOMING A SISTER WIFE, BUT
JUST TO MAKE GIRLFRIENDS. IT'S KIND OF BIG.
>> Taylor: I LIKE IT. PATTY IS IN THE LEAD WITH 700
POINTS! WHEN WE COME BACK,
WE'RE PLAYING "HASHTAG WARS." STAY TUNED!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ♪ ♪
HOW TALL DO YOU THINK I AM? I GUESS YOU WILL NEVER KNOW
UNLESS YOU SEE "AFTER MIDNIGHT" LIVE.
GET YOUR TICKETS! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪
