Two Generations Talk About How Addiction Destroyed Their Lives | The Gap

so drinking likely origin within an hour quite easily [Music] when was the first time you used drugs or drink I was almost 18 in Barnsley and I took cooking which at the time she got quiet enough mordrem to be taken thankfully I had years off it in between and but up until November the second 2018 so just before Christmas like that's when I went into rehab and and I took pretty much drugs from the age of 17 up until that point so I've got 10 12 years full on probably about yourself I'd say got a grip of me at if that's when I'll static that was 18 years ago I was only drinking lager to that with but then I hit a snag drinking the gin and that was neat yeah so drinking likely origin within an hour quite easily [Music] and what was your lowest moment that's a good one well I tried to commit suicide in my car I put the holes piping into the exhaust pretty for the window and then all families they're pleased about the pulled up and dragged me off the cap that was a large point my career kept me clean during the week but not at the weekend and but then when I had another job I had no career I didn't have anything really to get up for anymore and then I went from being quite popular in ever-larger friends so just being sat in my car I just wishing that I've just taken of a line in it kill me unless you're actually in it it's very hard for somebody to to help you how did your addiction affect your family at the Sarah not so much not so much because I could control it and I was a secret drinker off so I thought but turned out everybody didn't know I used to be really outgoing I used to be how every night been the pool team gone wrong with visit families and I became unsociable I think that's where people sad to say why are you coming because I have a will mmm 20 cans for even got that I stopped getting invited in there the addiction states will affect me job I may have a Nocturn you know I was almost think of an excuse I went as far as two girls there like orange peel Mei and say I've got conjunctivitis I'll have to go on you know I mean just to get that drink my wife left me I've got her now - you're old are now the number onto me she realized when she was I'd say I'd say about eight or nine that our diet is improper ketamine and it was like my main sort of poison I've always lived quite an active lifestyle I've always to applying laws of stuff hobbies and sofa and joy and I kind of stopped doing the things that made me happy and family was the main thing I'm always really close to my family and I just stopped stopped ringing them stopped answering the call Stokes was first and foremost and then it was make time for my girlfriend or my nephew or my mom or my brothers and sister or whatever it was but after a point they kindly give up on you as well how did your addiction affect your love life apart from the obviously physical side of it as well I was in too much pain to ever kind of have sex or anything like that I it's that lost self esteem myself mmm I couldn't get aroused until I had a skinful but obviously now looking back and thinking who wants to sleep with somebody was you that rectal yeah it wasn't me describe the feeling you had whilst using and in the beginning about the honeymoon period which probably lasted for about four or five years and [ __ ] love I love taking drugs I take it and then I'd like literally pass out and get carried out of a nightclub or have no actual racking I would not have known what I did for the past hour or two referred to as a cat hole so you'd go into our K hole or of a nickname just got and you'd literally look like a zombie and you just be like little and you'd do the weird things where your hands and your legs and just not give a [ __ ] about anything keep kind of like a comfort blanket this is the best way it's like you're wrapped in cotton wool but I'd said for the last five or six years it hasn't been enjoyable at all yeah we used to go in the same pubs drinking again hammered so we knew everybody so upstairs was it was quite high and how much we may ask for out of it going pulling beds and yeah hey I just wrapped on it it's just such a phenomenal from growing for me loving it so because you're enjoying it you kind of don't want to stop but then when you realize that you need to stop it's impossible to stop it used to shut my head up so like I couldn't function until I had it and then I'd be arrested for about 30 seconds I'm a bluff okay I just hated it I pushed my daughter where we did everything to happen some addiction kicked in football you name it we mean air was best bodies we did everything together because I couldn't let her see me her dad as I was I said put covers over the mirrors just so I couldn't see my reflection because I hated myself that much after adding shroud I said I actually wanted to died from it did your friends and family try to intervene and my friends no because I pushed them away my father he tried to intervene but in Mayas wrong way screaming him for saying man up man up I can't just stop wow that's amethyst if I just stopped I'd be dead cuz your book because the in my own house drinking my mom said you've always got come near on girls so in that way but it was only months later that she actually passed away and horrible simple fortunately she dad for so the actual Mets are going so my family never stopped me my friends didn't stop me and so it's difficult it's alright oh yeah the only real true reason is because I didn't like myself what motivated you to go into recovery my mum being the main thing and my family and my ex relationship because I realized how much I affected them and I thought this isn't this isn't me your mom never raised me to be like that's rad stopping for my wife to save me Marie is wrong if you have dreads from your daughter that's I tried to stop for me job I couldn't sell for anything in somebody yeah McCambridge them he said to me why don't you think he deserved to be athlete and that's me I couldn't answer mean it was days and was just going on we hadn't thought oh yeah I do deserve to be happy and I said I was talking some the next week and he said that's all you can do her how will you become happy I said I've got kicked this I and that was a moment once you're happy for yourself the rest will follow what's the common misconception of addiction nobody wants to be and have it and most people get into addiction to block things out to have fun things I think everybody assumes that if you're an addict they I even saying it but you're homeless and you weren't around are you stealing you're already marginalized as it is being an addict so when you're already in that little bracket and then people are sort of keeping your arms distance even more it actually makes the problem worse especially for the last six months of fight before went into rehab adil it should be up scanning Facebook to see which drug dealers awake or where I can go and get drugs my first week was was hell the first few months of being clean as hell I suffered in crowds I suffered with so I social anxiety being in being open spaces that must be different through withdrawal from alcohol and there's no withdrawal from ketamine back in this way there is so what's up alcohols out the system and like a saucer as well like many people in addiction like myself after a day I was just I was wake up fresh Valis appetite back no up getting invited to all about their great usual things the barbecues the weddings all the things the whole things are want and now I can go there with a sober face why do you want to tell your story I need reminding of how bad he actually was because some days I don't think this has been a bottomless this had been so easy this recover lacked alcohol his clusters okay it sold everywhere you can get cheap sad as it will get you eventually I don't think enough is spoken about in terms of addiction even just someone to speak to because they can tell me about how much they're using and what it is that they're doing and everything else that comes with it like that I psychologically and I can relate to that I'm on the floor and I'll gain Texas every single night or people a lot of sound well I'm on the floor I do actually say anything cuz I remember what housing diction I just want to be had because sometimes they're another unset I can't get from Hanson the only they know the answer I don't give him advice and then to be honest he's no better feeling than somebody said I didn't drink vehicle yeah and I said no he didn't drink yourself you wouldn't pick the drink up as long as I can remain completely abstinent then I think everything else kind of falls into place I kindly just do figures that I enjoy and some things I don't enjoy as well and but I need to do it to keep me clean and to keep me to keep me aware and keep me alert about around about the dangers of falling back into addiction like I feel more comfortable in myself whereas before I just I hate feeling normal see it is scary thinking life life without your addiction it is terrifying founded yourself again and I'm not controlled by addiction any more inches which is key we both got choices now yeah happy where before in addiction you've got no choice [Music] you

Channel: LADbible TV

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Length: 11min 25sec (685 seconds)

Published: Sun Nov 17 2019