Trump STILL Won’t Concede, Biden’s Shockingly Hairy Shoulders & Chris Pratt Super Mario Outrage

hi everyone i'm jimmy i'm the host of the show thanks for watching it thanks for coming to see it and thanks for hate joining us on what turned out to be a very bad day for r kelly did you see that in brooklyn today r kelly was uh found guilty on eight counts of sex trafficking and one count of racketeering that could mean he will spend the rest of his life behind bars which is tough he already spent so much of it trapped in that closet and now there are no cameras present but they released a sketch from the courtroom that indicates our maybe should also be charged with not wearing his mask over his nose too is kelly will remain in custody until sentencing which uh makes sense if the guy who sang i believe i can fly isn't a flight risk well i don't know who is but just goes to show you that sometimes a sexual predator is the person you most suspect maybe they should send r kelly into space you hear william shatner's going next month 90 year old william shatner the original captain kirk will become the oldest human ever launched into space he will also be the first tj hooker ever launched into space shatner is reportedly set to sail on the next civilian space flight from blue origin the company owned by jeff bezos so once again our nation's newscasters took the opportunity to let their creativity shine captain kirk plans to boldly go where no other 90 year old has gone before captain kirk is set to boldly go where no other 90 year old has ever gone before captain kirk who is set to boldly go where no other nine-year-old has gone before captain kirk's about to go where no 90 year old has gone before boldly going where no 90 year old has gone before where no man has gone before boldly went where no man has gone before votely going where no man's gone before where no man has gone before well you did it again people you did it again you really nailed that one and i don't know i'm ex i don't know why but i'm kind of excited william shatner's going to space it's like if sam jackson found a bunch of snakes on a plane it's like oh meanwhile captain jerk made his presence known this weekend as you likely know a group of republican senators in arizona authorized a a company called the cyber ninjas to conduct a review of election results in their state that donald trump insists had to be wrong he cannot believe he lost arizona to joe biden so he pushed the state to hire at a cost of six million dollars a very trump-friendly company to audit the vote it turns out not only did the cyber ninjas find no substantial differences between their tally and the official count they actually found 99 more votes for joe biden and 261 fewer for donald trump so basically i'd love to have been there when they broke that news to him basically trump lost the election he thought was rigged against him and then lost the audit of the election he thought was rigged for him so now in a desperate attempt to do as much damage to democracy as he possibly can trump is pushing for audits even in states he won the governor of texas greg abbott who never misses an opportunity to kiss that big orange ass of trump's announced that they too will be conducting an audit to verify election results in the state trump won by 600 000 votes which why wouldn't it be hilarious if he lost tax it turns out he lost texas oops you lost donald it's over take it like a man getting spanked with a rolled up magazine you lost but he can't accept it means he had a rally in perry georgia on saturday night he bragged that he's never made a concession speech and he explained that those who oppose him have darkness in their hearts the people we're dealing with are evil and angry and destroying our country they're destroying our country and they want to go after me because i have they think a big mouth i don't have a big mouth you know what i have i have a mouth that tells the truth i have a mouth that wants to save our country yes that was his famous i have a mouth speech he has a mouth he has his mouth will somebody please put a mcnugget in his mouth mouth rushmore also gave himself a pound on the back for one of his top 10 imaginary accomplishments that is um winning fox news's famous war on christmas and you know they are starting to say very strongly merry christmas remember when i first ran i said you're going to say merry christmas they're all saying merry christmas again who's saying that in september who's saying merry christmas in september so trump sat for an interview this weekend on his pet network oan where he was very gently asked to grade his handling of the pandemic and make no mistake donald trump has never made a mistake was there any missteps do you regret anything with the handling or did you do at the time and looking back in retrospect what was right for not hyping it up and scaring a nation well i actually thank you for the question uh i guess in life you always have mishaps no matter what you're doing even if you get 100 in your exam you could have done maybe a little bit better right no not right 100 is the highest if you'd ever taken a test yourself you know that it's uh at the white house today president biden got a booster shot on live tv and i want you to watch this very closely we're going to do our part we've also given a great deal of funding to kovacs which is the vehicle that does this so we have plenty plenty of opportunities to make sure we get did any of you have any idea how hairy this man is zoom in there because it's like an arm throw it's like a hole he has the shoulders of an ape dr zeus is our president now i feel like that should have been disclosed or something adults over age 65 are being encouraged to get booster shots which seems obvious to most but some americans are still coming up with their own homegrown ways to fight the virus the latest is people are putting hydrogen peroxide into their inhalers they're asthma inhalers in fact so many dummies are doing this the asthma and allergy foundation had to issue an official warning this is a real warning they said do not put hydrogen peroxide into your nebulizer and breathe it in this is dangerous it is not a way to prevent or treat cova 19. do not put hydrogen peroxide in your nebulizer sounds like something c-3po would yell at r2d2 right but for whatever reason there are these remedies out there that people are willing to try this car there's a conservative cartoonist named ben garrettson he has been very anti-vaccine throughout this whole thing he now has covet of course they all get it eventually and to treat the symptoms he says he and his wife have been drinking a lot of beet juice apparently if you say beet juice beet juice beaches three times the cure for covet appears but garrison and his wife are drinking beet juice and they're also taking the horse worm stuff ivermectin which i guess explains this drawing he made of a horse kicking dr fauci and i know it's dr fatchi because he wrote you can see he wrote dr fauci next that's the mark of a great cartoonist by the way when you have the ones who put their subject's name right next anyway i wish uh mr garrison and his wife the best as they try to beat juice the virus out of them i never thought i'd say this i missed the old days when we were eating tide pods for no health benefits whatsoever just for the sport of it you know we have an important update to a story we covered last week last week i shared a clip of a woman from austin texas she showed up at a school board meeting uh very angry about some questionable reading material she found in the middle school library i do not want my children to learn about anal sex in middle school i have never had anal sex i don't want to have anal sex i don't want my kids having anal sex so her name is um her kids moved immediately they moved right out of the house [Applause] her name is cara bell and we did some we did some digging because she's wonderful and it turns out kara has a very colorful history it was on april 7th when cara bell a candidate running for the travis county school board took a trip to nordstrom rack located on brody lane bell refused to wear a mask upon entry in the store employees told police she shoved an employee and forced her way into a dressing room when police arrived she was still in the dressing room on the phone with the nordstrom rack corporate office of course so the police show up for this karen named cara and uh i want to stick with this body cam footage i want you to see it all the way to the end because rarely do videos end in a more satisfying way than this one does i am a woman of god this is my right as much as it is yours this is my land as much as it is yours i did not sign up for this i am a christian woman of god and you are not going to put your disgusting rules on me that are false and not true i will not have it you understand that i will not have it i'm sick of being bullied i'm sick of being lied to and it's not going to happen anymore do you understand the cdc just released turn around oh my gosh see there are there are happy endings you know there are a lot of angry people out there the big story the big uproar this weekend i don't know if you heard about this they're making a super mario brothers movie an animated movie and people online strongly disagreed with chris pratt being cast to play super mario they people went on social media to furiously demand that an italian actor portray this offensive italian stereotype instead uh some of the many many tweets not one italian casted to voice the new mario movie uh chris pratt playing mario is italia phobia and i'm tired of acting like it isn't i don't think i'm ever going to recover from chris pratt playing mario now by the way ladies pay attention if your boyfriend was more upset about this than the texas abortion law say goodbye to him because this is but you think it's as if they announced chris pratt was the new black panther it's crazy if you're old enough to tweet you're too old to have an opinion on this subject one of the most uh outspoken critics of chris pratt is a guy named ben perello who we tracked ben down and uh he's joining us now uh from i guess is how ben hi ben thanks for joining us so you're not i understand you're not at all happy with the casting choices for the mario movie no i'm not happy i am outraged and why specifically are you outraged i have been looking forward to a mario movie for decades now we finally get it and mario's going to be played by chris pratt i mean what okay but what's so i mean i don't get what's so bad about casting chris pratt in an animation what's so bad about it yeah what yeah no yeah what's so bad about it is what i was expecting corporate whitewashing jimmy mario is italian and he should be played by an actor who is italian and who will tell me that he is proud of me but wait excuse me what it's pretty simple jimmy mario's italian therefore he should be portrayed by an italian actor who can accurately represent the italian culture who will tell me that he approves of the choices i've made in my life okay no i get the italian part i'm just not sure about what the part there at the end there but i want to be clear this is not about chris pratt okay chris pratt is fine he's just not right for this role the role of mario super mario calls for a stallone a danza a confident italian man who can rock a mustache and call me on my birthday to tell me he loves me despite the fact that i blew the inheritance my nona left me on funko pops now your demands i have to say sound very specific they do yes they do they very do yeah well that's probably because i've been a huge mario fan ever since i got my first game boy which i loved until my dad broke it over his knee and told me i didn't raise a nogika boy oh wait is your dad italian oof marone is he ever but this isn't even a live-action movie this is a cartoon we will only be hearing the actors voices all the more reason mario needs a strong italian voice when i go to that theater on opening night i want to hear my favorite character say i love you ben and i forgive you for dropping out of community college and i forgive you for ruining thanksgiving by screaming about how lola bunny was hotter in the first space a jam movie and and i'm a sorry i break a new game boy oh ben ben are you are you okay ben papa papa look look papa you're bambino he's on to the tv aren't i a good boy now pamba aren't they a good now oh you know what i'm going to leave you but me uh i'm making you a spicy meatball i promise okay ben thank you ben i appreciate you you're chiming in on this and i'm so sorry about you know it sounds like he's got father issues there if you liked that video click subscribe and we'll be together until one of us dies

Channel: Jimmy Kimmel Live

Views: 1,229,601

Keywords: jimmy, jimmy kimmel, jimmy kimmel live, late night, talk show, funny, comedic, comedy, clip, comedian, mean tweets, Monologue, Guillermo, Live Audience, Hollywood, R Kelly, Guilty, Sketch, Space, William Shatner, Cyber Ninjas, Election results, Donald Trump, Audit, Texas, Greg Abbott, Trump Rally, OAN, Pandemic, Joe Biden, Vaccine, Booster Shot, Hydrogen Peroxide, Ben Garrison, Kara Bell, Super Mario Brothers, Chris Pratt

Id: MbGC5ZBs8lY

Length: 13min 51sec (831 seconds)

Published: Tue Sep 28 2021