Trump’s Stormy Day in Court, MAGA Nuts Furious About Barron’s Graduation & Seven Jurors Chosen

I'm Jimmy on the host of the show I thank you for watching at home thank you for joining us here in the studio welcome another stormy day in New York in the new episode of the orange People's Court today starring Donald J Trump as the defendant is first of many criminal trials to come we have a lot to look forward to prosecutors kicked off day two filing documents saying Trump violated the judge's gag order uh for that Trump would be fined $1,000 per offense that should stop him you know that's Ebenezer snooze was up Bri and early today mashing those little fingers on his phone lashing out at the judge he wrote this conflicted trumpeting judge won't let me respond to people that are on TV lying and spewing hate all day long he is running rough shod over my lawyers and legal team blah blah blah election interference rigged unconstitutional trial take off the gag order only Donald Trump would complain about being under gag order while violating that very gag order so the judge now will hold a hearing on whether to hold Trump in contempt which if he were any other defendant this kind of stuff would likely get him up to 30 days of jail time and whether that is on his mind or not was a question for Trump's legal adviser alen Haba is he concerned about the possibility of being sent to jail as a ramification of these he's not concerned about being sent to jail I I don't I I think like anybody he's concerned about going to jail but if they put him in jail for his first amendment right he will be like Nelson Mandela just like him like exactly he'll be Nelson Mandela Fant is what he'll be last week he was Abe Lincoln this week he's Nelson Mandela he's next week who knows maybe Jesus we'll see the Trump campaign also pushed back on reports that he fell asleep in court yesterday they said that was fakes news and not true but then today according to a number of reporters in the room he dozed off again he's very sleepy is it possible his lawyers are tranquilizing him to keep the outbursts at a minimum I don't know but the gags were off outside the courthouse this morning where Trump floated a new line of defense from the hallways of Justice I was paying a lawyer and marked it down as a legal expense some accountant that I didn't know Mark it down as a legal expense that's exactly what it was and you get indicted over that yeah yeah the most amazing thing is he claims he didn't have sex with Stormy Daniels he just paid her 130 grand out of the goodness of his heart and the truth is paying a woman to keep her quiet about having sex with you while your wife was at home with your newborn baby isn't illegal what's illegal is falsifying records to make it a business expense which he made so his supporters wouldn't find out he's a lying cheating scumbag with but the joke is on Trump because turns out his supporters don't care that he's a lying cheating scumbag he could have saved himself a whole trial and 130 Grand first of all you know him better than anybody right the man is a germaphobe you know where I'm going with this if he had an affair if okay Services were paid for services rendered Services paid for right so what are we talking about lots of men use prostitutes but that's that's alleged and she even denied that Affair so yeah so the man is a gerap he's a professional and he's a gentleman so I don't see him getting tangled up in that in the first place right he's much too much of a gentleman to get tangled up with that and I'm too much of an ass kisser to say otherwise but what planet do these people live on jury selection continued today uh seven jurors have now been picked they need 12 jurors and six alternates both sides have been working to whittle out anyone who might be biased in the other one's Direction one potential juror was an older woman who said she believes no one is above the law and Trump's lawyers are like get her out of here right now Trump got a warning from the judge because he was gesturing and muttering in the direction of a potential juror one of the things they do and this is fascinating they go through people's Facebook pages to see if they posted anything see if they posted anything about Trump can you imagine having all your old social media posts about Trump read aloud while he is sitting right in front of me there might be my vision of heaven but Milani was a no show she did not attend but she didn't need to be there because Trump gets all the support he needs from one of his AIDS whose job it is to print out good news and nice comments about him from the internet and hand them to him she sits a couple rows behind him this is the internet print out assistant Natalie harp what a surprise she's attractive and um she's a former post from one Amer news her current job is polishing Trump's ego according to a story from the Washington Post she accompanies Trump on his daily golf outings writing the course in a golf cart equipped with a laptop and sometimes a printer to show him uplifting news articles online posts or other materials she's like his mood caddy and he is not in a good one right now liger Woods doubled down on his claim that the judge won't let him go to his son Baron's High School graduation even though the judge has not made a ruling on that he wrote who will explain for me to my wonderful son Baron who is a great student at a fantastic school that his dad will likely not be allowed to attend his graduation ceremony I don't know it seems like maybe you should be the one to explain it since you're the you are the one who paid off the porn star right so I vote you I again even though the judge hasn't made any decision about whether Trump can go to the graduation or not the Magus feere is Furious about it Baron's his baby that's his youngest child obviously he wants to be I think it's May 17th is the is the graduation Caroline that I I I almost think Trump should call the judges Bluff and because I think people will rally around him and if the judge holds him in contempt I think people especially the people that matter Independents moderates people in the middle people that are still on the fence about who they're going to vote for I think anybody can relate to wanting to go to your child's graduation and it's not like this is a homicide trial okay this is a glorified you know error in paperwork right it's a paperwork error there you've never accidentally forgot to check a box or keep your pants on when a porn star comes to your hotel room it happens to all of us okay and let me tell you another thing Donald Trump is about as bummed out about potentially missing this High School graduation as he was about missing Vietnam he didn't want to go to either one and of course the whole Trump Clan is getting in on this graduation travesty Don Jr called the judge Pure Evil Eric wrote judge meran is truly heartless and not letting a father attend his son's graduation ianka posted a moto thing okay she doesn't care I'm sure she'll get to it soon she's busy with the Motocross but then the worst news for the Trump kids is daddy is running out of money shares for his Media company have plummeted they're down 70% since they went public a couple of weeks ago they're down another 14% today and um I don't know if you're following the stock market I don't but I thought this was interesting this is the tracker for Trump media and Technology stock this is truth social Etc you can see the big drop that occurred yesterday but even weirder if you take those Peaks and valleys from the past week or so and you flip them on their side go and flip them and then add a little bit of color to them there's something there there something if you bought Trump stock two weeks ago and shame on you if you did you lost half your money but if you hold on just a little bit longer you might be able to lose all of it so meanwhile President Biden is out courting voters he was in his hometown of Scranton Pennsylvania today where he focused his thoughts on Americans who've been hit hard financially just the other day a defeated looking guy came up to me and asked if I could help he was drowning in Deb I said I'm sorry Donald but I can't help you that's that's what we need pretty good one for a guy who can't put two sentences together in Greece today they lit the Olympic flame ahead of the summer games in Paris they will uh then run that Olympic flame all the way to Paris and boy by the way if this doesn't get you fired up for water polo I don't know what will this is they um so then they figured out which of these women were virgins and they threw them into Mount vvus and then one of them released a ceremonial Dove to uh I guess uh represent peace and Harmony and all the things that dobs represent watch here I'll be quiet we'll just take this [Music] [Applause] moment a a come you know what she ruins everything shameful in Arizona the state supreme court uh last week bar banned nearly all abortions by enforcing a law that was written back in 1864 it's so controversial even Trump is trying to distance himself from it but there's an interesting story about how the law came to be during the Civil War Abraham Lincoln hired a lawyer named William T Howell to write the legal code for the new territory of Arizona his job was to make sure that the new law abolish slavery which they did but he also worked in in a number of other laws in including aan on abortion which is the law of the Supreme Court decided to uphold last week 160 years later and the person we have to thank for that is Justice William T Howell who obviously is not with us anymore but he is the person who what who dares Sully the honor of I Arizona associate Justice William T Howell who wrote The Law of WI which you just um I I do I guess well then prepare thyself for a spectral confrontation you Italian csac punch pun pish push pugilism ah okay let that be a lesson to thee okay well listen Justice Howell a lot of Americans I don't know if you know this are very angry that your law is taking away women's rights well if these women didn't want to be with child why did they not sneeze after being pistoned with a fully engorged giggle stick why tell me did they not scrub their floral regions with Barrel grease bar barel with Barrel grease how did you become a judge I studied at a very prestigious Law Academy and was the pupil who shot the most nickels off a empty head does that satisfy your query you Godless spaghetti gobler no that no that actually made no sense just like your law and which I think Arizona should nullify as soon nullify nullify my law why you soft-handed mug eared fat kidneyed onion eyed rattlesnake Fang on the scrotum I just you bacon faced Pipkin headed brisket beating rump fed hens sucked Caper Merchant okay I don't even you Scotch fiddled gorbellied pox infested son of a bootless hedge Pig oh it's okay Jimmy busting makes me feel good a [Applause]

Channel: Jimmy Kimmel Live

Views: 2,100,827

Keywords: jimmy, jimmy kimmel, jimmy kimmel live, late night, talk show, funny, comedic, comedy, clip, comedian, mean tweets, Monologue, Guillermo, Hollywood, Los Angeles, West Coast, Manhattan, Donald Trump, Trump Trial, New York, Stormy Daniels, Gag Order, Truth Social, Jury Selection, Natalie Harp, Baron Trump, DJTJ, Trump Stock, Joe Biden, 2024 election, POTUS, Olympic Flame, Arizona, Supreme Court, Nick Offerman, Ghost

Id: 1GSb8eoJCa4

Length: 12min 33sec (753 seconds)

Published: Wed Apr 17 2024