Tribal Wives: Kitava

six women are going to live with communities in some of the most remote places on earth Wow like many women today juggling career home and family they feel that something is missing by spending time in societies where female roles are very different they hope to find answers that could change their lives Becki Cammalleri Gorman is a 31 year old PA from London's East End she's traveling almost 10,000 miles to Papua New Guinea to live with the villages of kumoi gaia on the adil ik island paradise of Kotova a peace-loving community with a slow pace of life they live off the land and sea sharing the fruits of their labor amongst the entire community ensuring no one goes without the islands an ex British colony and has been independent for over 30 years here Christian beliefs coexist with the tribes ancient spiritual traditions mark penny associates Beck speaking back in London Becky leads a busy life working for an architect's firm in the heart of the city it's very exciting it's excellent place to work it's a beautiful environment and it's quite glamorous she seems to have it all she has a successful career and is a talented artist but Becky's had her ups and downs six months ago following the breakup of a long-term relationship she hit rock bottom I was crying a lot and then after about a week of that I literally didn't want to to go out of bed I understood in that period what they mean by being lost in the woods it felt like my spirit gone Becky was diagnosed with depression but with the support of her mama Feeney and her family she's now on the road to recovery Becky's breakup was the latest in a line of failed relationships that have left her deeply distrustful thank you each of them have said you know they love me they're gonna stay with me etc and each of them I believed love me gonna stay with me or whatever and we've committed and and I've allowed myself a little you know they must have to believe it but they they did leave and I'm sure my trust issues won't go until someone stays it's tough to think exactly what at the moment I I wish to gain she's gonna understand him really of a different of a different existence to what I've been used to and see if that changes my view of things my only worry would be if the family for some reason take a dislike to me or there's any kind of you know tension Becky will spend almost a month on the island of Catawba in the solomon sea east of the Papua New Guinean mainland after five days traveling Becky gets her first glimpse of a new home it is paradise is babbling blah drastically Barbara is a very nice to meet you Barbara I'm Becky Lissa Tommy this is Tom I'm Becky nice to me it's very nice to meet you I'll it I'm going to live with you yeah thank you very much Barbara is 34 and the eldest daughter of the family Becky were liveried during her stay on the island Barbara's a single mom with four children a younger sister-in-law Lissy also lives with the family I noticed that you speak my language which is very great is excellent for me but surprising and you speak my language so well well not my language but our language did Barbara and Lissy went to school on a neighboring island where they learned to speak English the majority of people in Qatar were speak illa Villa and that includes Barbara's parents her mother said Marie and father SETI slimy and this big in his 50s SETI is a respected member of the community and one of the village elders he and Sen Murray have eight children during a time on the island Becky will be expected to live and work as a guitar band woman I'd like to learn how to build a house fish fish for big fish with a basket I've got a while bugger got one for you I'm particularly good at spreadsheets things that might be useful is I can make a very good cocktail Lily Ella unfortunately for Becky the island there's a teetotalers if I was to say to you stress do you know the word stress I'm not sure I'm asking you this because we see in here quite peacefully at home it's Thursday afternoon and I would be all of them things probably and it's hard cuz I don't know what to do it I'm not them so shield okay you know what I won't explain to you what stressed is because I don't think you need to know ever women here must follow strict codes of behavior and Barbara gives begi her first lesson in tribal etiquette if you don't mind or just whisper to you all hold my legs CW grab my cell you know you need to tell me because I have no idea huh you just sit like this because we always have that's a customer they have to sit down like this way voice when was that you Donna sitting around we have to sit down like this either sit on lose my voice or hear any boy so in here okay the village of kumoi gaya is in the middle of the island around fifty different families live here in their own separate compounds we arrived to the most beautiful beach I've ever seen just white sands palm trees right up to the beach it was too perfect to be real if you like the families daughters came to meet me and they're lovely I feel like they've accepted me into the family straight away and the fact that they are so open to sort of accepting me is really really flattering and I'm chuffed hey this is our home the family lived together in a group of six huts ah that's your problem yet it's nobody lessees husband a Sayer is 26 years old and the couple live here that their 18 month old son Boers gate is the same house literally a year ago the village elders granted Barbara a divorce her ex-husband now lives on a neighboring Island while she and her four daughters live with SETI and Sen Murray Becky who lives alone back home will share a room with Barbara okay this is our room Oh excellent okay yeah the family sleep on mats on the floor of the hut whose bed this is yes so we have our own room that's the last year this is college okay yeah nature calls and Barbara shows Becky to the Louvre that's my house you just go what what is down there yeah we just go and sit down dear I don't waste insane is that like a hot date home yeah they dad Doug all big holy calling so early home it's a bit different to my one at home are you but very he'd give her very very a functional it's the first time the family have ever heard a Western visitor when I first saw her coming from that dingy to the sand I just got off here having white skin and then I had dark black skin and then I was so worked because I've never they can't stay with our white people in my home before even I am so delighted I will kind of be mcgarricle a block over water Omo Valley kind of emic tiwari banana peel I wore what I like to watch it's Becky's first meal with the family and as a devout Christian said he says grace yummy I'm not that Matteo here I said my hold on my orders if you like I maybe I can you gotta mr. Bishop oh boy would anyone else why tell me boiled yams are eaten at every meal and are sometimes served at pumpkin leaves and fish oh yeah the new guest gets the healthiest portion so do you do you always eats as a family no most of our own families and happiness together every evening or together at same time as a gesture of acceptance Becky is now regarded as a member of the family hmm from now on Ceti will refer to her as his daughter and in return Becky must call him dad at the moment I feel completely at ease with everyone and my dad just offered me a seat next year it is early days but I do feel completely like I've been I mean I'm being called auntie and sister so you know it's easy to feel part of a family really Becky awakes to a tropical rainstorm it's humid and the temperatures already in the 30s get wet yes but the downpours done nothing to dampen the villagers spirits Becky stay coincides with a month-long festival to celebrate the yam harvest yams are at the center of island life the villagers have cultivated them for centuries and rely on good yields to see them to the long dry season the other players now the British I was to walk we force a JB mr. Revere over a toy yoga buku service because the F Buddha bless with him to school a lahar how important is the yam festival for everyone harder this event augu Bangla para para para beep Adachi I hope I see a white elephant garlic boy in the family Haru gala it'll be mr. pair of hooligan to mow together become someday become elusive be more than one hi na kabhi menorah sinabi message occupied say what Haru Gator he gonna become ya Guido hi goo Shakira doodle honimaru koala guru or a guru guru Purnima Paulo enter Vishal volcano agua ghee aperitivo are you are very tall motivate emotive in most first appears in today's harvest celebrations the women take the lead I just sure where can I wish short sons of this yeah what what are you trained there this tribute yams to every family in the village and Barbara wants Becky to be fully involved it's alright I think I'm okay I get sometimes get referred to as fat but I don't think it means the same as it doesn't in England do you think am i fat yes so there you go need to got a diet clearly winning Becky's Western curbs are going down well some of us have aa very thin legs so small less and we don't look really nice when you wear a skateboard those of them who have big legs and fat body like arms too and I really praise them because they are pretty they look pretty when they request cancer the women go bare breasted in traditional ceremonies in Qatar and culture it's considered offensive to pair the thighs and buttocks now Becky is a tribal wife Barbara expects her to go topless - Becky in are going to wear basket and then we are not going to be any pop but if a transition for me to go from like lots of clothes - no - just a skirt shaniyah wearing fully traditional without the wedding stuff I will do this so I will do it no modern clothes yeah after months of hard work in the fields the villagers finally get to celebrate the fruits of their labor this is our best day of their because this is the what we call your Christmas this is our Christmas list this is the sign of death what all year and the New Year's coming so we are harvesting so we have to dress and then dance and do all sorts of things that this is our Christmas traditional Christmas Lizzy and Barbara ready and waiting for Becky but back at the hut her British reserve has got the better of her it just feels to me like as if I'm for instance I'm like it just feels like a show today so see it's not that I've decided against unfortunately I am actually from England and I can't I don't I can't remove entirely of feelings I have been here I'm not into just a shoulder with my with my food here neither jae-young chicken feed or because my investigator in quaggan creo que ahora de la cuenta Mahara Omo Valley near questioner Mahara Michelle Guillermo mezack i Rico Mahara faragon enugu Mahara to motiva guineas yellow wall vinegar and well you seem a blonde color girly boy I've you know I have been raised differently and I obviously have some inhibitions that the girls don't have and although I think I'd be comfortable or no uncomfortable with nudity but maybe that were a gradual thing despite SETI's reservations Becky joins the procession sharing is an important part of life on Catawba the yams are gathered together and the women parade through the village distributing them to friends and relatives by the end of today each family will have their next six months supply of food today SETI's summoned everyone down to the beach like most men on the island he's grown up on the water and as an expert fisherman you're a big fisherman on it Wow raghida excellent yeah how do you catch them net Annette Sethi goes fishing once a week for the family fish is an important part of the island diet they rarely eat meat study have more fish - Becky's parents split up and she was very young and she's barely seen her father since having a new father figure and Katara is something she's still getting used to so set is my dad and he seems lovely it's lovely with the kids I did I think I need a bit more time with him to see exactly I don't really know too much about him yet apart from Lee he wants to make you feel involved and included it's difficult for me to feel a real father-daughter bond with someone that I've only just met in between yam celebrations the island has returned to their daily routines the women's days are spent planting in the fields and looking after livestock by the men repair huts and go fishing in the open waters of the Solomon sea what at breakfast Becky choice of outfit fails to meet with SETI's approval will make for you steady expect Becky as his adopted daughter to uphold the family's reputation yeah nautical look you gotta dive in bushi calm down Moses adapt I don't you see good enough hey sorry sexy why do I need to put on a skirt yeah you really adorable she comes oh wow am i hell okay all right I don't have any work I wrap a sarong I think I'll be okay with the blue sarong they're on Kotova men wear the trousers while women are expected to wear looser clothing on their bottom halves and a cooler what that's the height it's on the boy whoa boy see that see you in a minute what I do with this there's just bush knife you have to go and chop the firewood yeah I'm not entirely sure why I had to wear a skirt I don't think Scott helps in any way I think it might be a modesty thing I don't know do you know why I had to wear a skirt Barbara we came up we brought up in this way we have to wear scare they go to that Varon doesn't look nice if men see us who walk into the garden with is this okay to have Muscat like this it's not really what you haven't paid anything right probably for a minute okay well I'm learning but I'll just tell you where I'm from I can wear shorts like this and trousers no one sort of it doesn't mean I don't respect people is just just the way it is and it's their name Amaya a word Magoo never done Emma hi Lisa camper hire gotta loosen our see here our most reliable wannabe sitcom the creek bed sir a seat up young man haha so like to help Becky get to grips with the islands dress code listen offers some friendly advice this is what I would wear normally when I go somewhere hot I'll show you yeah this is a nice skirt but the top is okay for you - well when Wendy is too hot yeah and and then it you can put a skip on top or I'll let flip on top so you would you would obviously never wear this just like this yeah this is impossible for us it was possible to short to show E so I do shirt for you when you are wearing this type of clothes it's a shameful when boys are sitting learning we are willing to short skirts or short dresses yeah it's a very short dress you must put basket underneath it's a bit risky even in my country I think this one uh-huh and I also have this so I don't know if you know what this you've seen this before but this is makeup that we put on our faces we wear this every day you ever seen any of this nothing what do you think of my makeup you look so beautiful mm-hmm would you like me to put some on you yeah yes si si I think I prefer about ah ah myself now now here with this nice color stain I use but Becky's still struggling to accept the new rules there is no situation in life in my culture I know they are within England but my culture the way I practice the way I live my life and most of the people that are surrounding me in my life and there is nothing I I need to conform to nothing absolutely nothing obviously I'm not going to go out and show him bits of my body that I don't want to show and there's certain clothes I just don't like but there is no rules about what I must the muscle where none its Becky's first Sunday on the island a day of rest and religion for the guitar burns as a village elder SETI expects the whole family to attend church including the now suitably attired but agnostic Becky it's more than a hundred years since Methodist missionaries arrived on Catawba and the Christian gospel is still preached every Sunday happily I'm not here I already didn't warm life while most of the villages of regular churchgoers traditional beliefs and spirits and sorcery still play an important role in village life - welcome Becky - the village the pastor invites her to greet the whole congregation and SETI leads the community in the welcome because it's not my religion yeah then I want to understand and do what you do and I am today for me it doesn't feel good it's just not what I believe you know mm-hmm can you just say like I'm being fake cuz I'm not Christian mm-hmm it doesn't permit that you don't care if you don't believe what people see we're here just for a sec huh yeah we went to church it surprised me that affected me the way it did because I didn't really want to go I just feel very suppressed here I feel I feel like there's no individuality and I need to try and and just live my life as Barbara does and the third thing is I can't give up you know I'm not going to trade wardrobes with Barbara does to me that would just be completely losing everything about me and would leave me very depressed why these little things should affect me how it does I don't know but it it has it just has and I miss I miss my family because I never I don't have to prove myself to them for them to know I love and respect them and we working just as not just as much harmony together and yet I do feel here that the family you're not telling me that but I am made to feel a little bit might like if my way a hoe must be another bad person the past few days have been difficult for Becky the restrictions of life as a tribal wife and pressure to fit in with a new family have left her feeling isolated she decides to confide in Barbara when I was at home there was a time that I was very sad for a couple of weeks oh I couldn't see clearly I couldn't hear the birds singing everything seemed so bad it was like a big dark cloud I felt like I wanted to not be here actually on that day I felt like it didn't matter if I was here anymore this is very bad I don't feel good if I hear stories like this whom do you think who came in didn't make you happy or feel like feeling happy dead time oh I would just find my mom and she would come round and we wouldn't even talk slowly slowly I started to open my eyes and started to eat and started to hope who would you have if you felt upset who who would come and sit with you Aki my Misti only on it mommy the only one fears I only trust mommy and I only love mommy if she can just sit beside me and talk to me or she says you my mother can you stand up and eat or do tease him and I can do it say your name yeah so you have to get small life okay when the cameras have gone Barbara feels that she too can confide in Becky on the way back from our walk when we were alone she said to me that she has three children and they each have different fathers she had tough time of it what touched Barbara was that I said that my dad had left when I was young and she worries about her kids because they haven't got their dads around and she is sad she says she's sad for her kids she also said that she's fearful that the kids are going to be harmed by the breakups and she's also fearful that she's never going to find happiness with it with a guy seems we have common common relationship issues and common fears and upsets after dinner Barbara and Becky chat on the veranda I want us to know each other know what you want us to know each other on the Amity and others do Ethel when you live over 150 forgiveness I know everybody must remember each other and write to each other to know what their what's going on yes yes roach at stake yeah Thank You Barbara drawers Becky her family tree which ones live in this okay I'm here this race not around he said Sydney now after sleep I said a lotta okay she's not staying with us she got married two men from the other Island because she's away I put you in here oh I'm you see yes I said you have to be my sister so you must remember you are in here so now you are part of me you are my real sister because I missed my small sister you are replacing silly Park now they ramble satphone yeah you are that punk daughter so if you do anything wrong I can just tell you off and I advise you not to do that though yeah do this you must surprise me and let me know if you want anything yes I know minister yes it's lovely we go crisis I didn't way and we where we learn a song that was like this who luckily Lola means go for a walk sinabi Gitana means too much talk I believe means I love you Kuya mater take it easy now Becky's feeling more settled she throws herself into village life helping trim the village green men they're all laughing and smiling bark I really don't know I'd be able to so I just can't laugh at the mouth too much pain and looking after Barbara's two-year-old daughter Susan we need to find a spot to look out or maybe what you're doing if you're looking down and then just try and stay a little bit annoying am i mr. baumann lacy Lee she's spending more time with SETI - and offers to draw his portrait he's got a really interesting face actually I knew you had a nice face but looking at it it's got you have a very lovely faith to draw bedding it's a very warm face there's just a lovely calmness about him and the place and I know said he would get completely frantic if something happened to someone I can sense that about him that he's his family are very important to him and that the girls are very important to him Norma a lungo la Marr aha yo her mother gear behind Mata people I returned Airmen again Allah had to be us then oh my oh my bad AHA Tobias I'm Cara you were to tell me Gina Muhammad - a telomere Allah here Barakat feel her pain sorry I finished Jordan so it's just a little sketch for you thank you you're more handsome in real life the villagers gather for the annual yam competition it's an important occasion today the most successful farmer will be officially declared a woman Runa Muhammad was you know come on the final what she thought the winner will be the one who has cultivated the most yams Sethi son Isaiah won the prize last year so he will donate the family's pig to dis year's winner hi pupusas yes better now get him put a hippo peanut soup what we need now get him when I try to pair my 7.1 yeah Karan again I'm going to a two wheeler Airport away neoman the head of another family in the village is the newly crowned champion farmer and has to publicly slay his trophy ha ha Guto queixada malossi when want a to Harrisonville Italian aquannia LM argument Paulo born upon yes I don't want sauce legal I'll go to pay I've never seen an animal killed and I eat meat so I know they do get killed obviously it's a bit different the way you know they do it slaughterhouses and I know more where the pigs are actually dead yet but you know it's the way what else they're gonna do they haven't lost a little house here and that's what we've killed a pig we're gonna eat a pig you know every week the women in the village go diving for shellfish they collect conch from the shallow waters of the coral week around the island these large edible sea snails are a tasty treat for the Islanders the shells are kept to make musical instruments and to use his decoration hey Lucas Allenby are you cold back at home Becky notices a mosquito bite on a leg has become infected Barbara's youngest brother Tao Xia prepares a natural antiseptic oh sure yeah we get sure it's like hot and slowly singing yes what is that is that just strength I know it's a spider web spider where's cyber spiderweb bandage yeah oh thank you sir taking his house wanna be gay shenanigans was important very nice blast up okay thank you it's morning and Barbara's youngest daughter Susan is sick with suspected malaria we got to the hospital after Bertha yes nobody answers him to the hospital she was crying for most of the night was this real yes she was crying malaria is rife on Kotova and can be fatal especially for young children is there no no injection you can have the malaria that stops malarial together yeah there's not no I think they have something they do yes but we'll have to try and ask them medicine for treating the disease is not always available on the island but sometimes you run out of medicines yeah you do run a horse if I get bitten by a if I get infected by a mosquito with malaria it doesn't this this stops me getting malaria susan has a fever and she's getting worse the family are on their way to the hospital the clinic has only meager facilities it's staffed by a health worker with only basic medical training there's no doctor on Kotova very syllabus in German our own moon Europa boy Gaza we go soon I've just noticed a poster it says malaria kills five children every day in Papua New Guinea is that a true statistics deal yeah really yeah I was in luck today the clinic has some anti-malarial medication for Susan it's a simple injection that will save her life it's been a real eye-opener for Becky today I learned and I saw firsthand the lack of provisions they have here the lack of treatment for something as deadly as malaria and clearly that's brought me down to her from a big bang yeah Isis it's not paradise in every sense is it it's very real very dangerous Susan's illness has brought everyone closer Sethi has some news with Becky he's decided to bestow a special honor on his adopted daughter he wants her to take on the name of his ancestral home nine people are - a lot - whenever I wouldn't not shake yoga he was the leader if you wear yellow white man Anna Burnett I got this part of a shell earlier in the week daddy Gloria off the shelf for me and gave it to me and I said I'd like to make it into a necklace when I get home and then today I see I took it off me took it off to the uncle and then daddy gave me this it's been made into a necklace here for me everything would we're finger-point my name on the back aren't we and some shelter love each lovely you like it any moment hey Wayne hi boy said his wholehearted acceptance was touched Becky she's been thinking about her real father it was my decision not to see him but he never ever made an effort to change my mind and him not fighting for me I think has set a more a benchmark for what I think I'm worth and that benchmark you know isn't very high and it seems no matter what other people have done since to be in my life and I always think that it's not enough you know I don't know whether I'm trying to make them make up for that I suppose if I'm completely honest if my dad was to get in touch with me just to say like that I'd wondered all right I cared then I would say well you know what there's going to be no going forward with us but I would love to think I still would like to hear it and this man means nothing to me so I wish it didn't and but I can't deny like how I've been all my life and it seems this is maybe it I'll never get that resolved and I need to let it go Vicky is keen to thank the villagers for what she's learned on Kotova she's composed of speech for the whole community Barbara's translated and said he helps her practice and to show her acceptance of the island way of life Becky wants to deliver her speech in church na ma o me similar Guerra a new collie have a cup a vaca Piscopo paisa yay go or a pharaoh Sanna sati wills Beckham line below or a caste su map open era Sena kubecka Cara - Wally FISA your commie tamata camba Dona Sena me po-boy Lila Sylacauga IV Kaka yoy woy oku and makalah wara taker Nagina possum 1 paisa yo Comi Ora yeah boilie keine ora canoe Pyrrha I got Toki keone Helen polygamous an abaya silica filler taya ha last week Sabitha marinara hey Toki Baraka para llamar a Gila Valley Mahara Harlem : I've never met a friend like Becky I treated as my real sister and the filler did mean is just Becky's my real sister and the whole family loved her and we love each other the yam festival is drawing to a close this also signals the end of Becky's time on the island tomorrow will be her last full day on Kotova the family are cooking Ataru pudding for the final festivities Wow tomorrow morning we'll be eating Tara with the spirits and then sending them away back to the island tomber is that right daddy it's an ancient ritual the villagers feed the pudding to the spirits of their ancestors who visit them during the celebrations fed and contented the spirits will return peacefully to their resting place on a neighboring island all right good boy oh boy oh boy no I coupons are a meme on the phone I mean I'm so awkward today is the culmination of the Month celebrations and the family rise at four in the morning to begin preparations I'm safely open each family chooses a representative to escort the spirits of their ancestors toward their resting place SETI has given that honor to Becky hey Hawk what happen in each other clearly I'm being Freud listen I I miss you too boo boo ah well then go ahead myself um she times pulled up the shelves and her body represents SETI's wealth the beetle nuts will be a gift for the villagers later SETI paints Becky's lips with beetle nut juice a mild stimulant red teeth are also considered beautiful and Katara and this time round Becky fully embraces her role as tribal wife losing my top underneath this I'm aware that I've got no top on doesn't make you feel more I don't know just it makes you feel different it does like me feel I feel completely like involved now and yeah I feel like one of these for sure I don't feel there's anything between me and them no actually and that was just a little top in a parade through the village the spirits are being led back home women take their picking up gifts and show Becky their appreciation I'm consciously going at the moment just enjoying it it's been a month since Becky left London to live with the people of Kotova all I've been thinking about really is the fact that there was this dark cloud fraught for a good while and now it just seems like it's gone you know completely gone and I'm just happy to be alive really be happy to be alive and to be happy to be alive as me it's time to leave to the Islanders Becky's about to cross over into another world they may never see her again and she must now experience the community's grief kind of you got Mahara colleague and hearty woke up told me here to live again there's another one bye you take care better behaved sitting at the autonomous remember what I'm a tomorrow Muhammad Allah mercy semester narrator Veera Hanuman cinema musica what my family and all the villagers and our friends showed me about was how beautiful is just to be surrounded by people all the time and noise and smiles and just constantly have friends and family around you I really didn't expect the bond that came they've taught me that I have a lot of love to give and that it it comes right back at me coming up tonight here on BBC HD take a closer look at the importance of the father-child relationship in the biology of dance and then later drama with small dark places that's at half past midnight

Channel: stri8ted

Views: 1,296,878

Rating: 4.464519 out of 5

Keywords: kitava, kitavan islanders, paleo, papua new guinea, tribe, kitavan, kitava diet

Id: 0PfeXlwfWRg

Length: 58min 40sec (3520 seconds)

Published: Sat Feb 16 2013