(man)
Stolen Valor! These great videos
on the internet called Stolen Valor videos--
have you seen those? Uh, no. You should Google them, because there are
these people, and they have the most
audacity you can imagine. They're wearing the uniform,
pretending to be soldiers. (man)
Why you wearing the uniform? Because I like to. (man)
Are you really
recording this guy? Yes, it's called
"Stolen Valor." (man)
Can I see your ID? That's Stolen Valor. (man)
The next Stolen Valor right there. You know that's called
Stolen Valor? - No, it's not.
- It is a federal crime for you to be wearing
that uniform right now. - No, it's not.
- Yes, it is. What you can do is get out
of my face right now, before I-- 'cause I'm a military
police officer also. Yeah?
Where's your MP badge? MP badge? Yes. It's in my car. Get the [bleep]
out of here and stop pretending
to be a [bleep]... You're gonna go run
around your-- Navy SEAL. (man)
Stolen Valor! Can someone check
if there's also a law about soldiers slapping
the [bleep] out of civilians? Those were real soldiers
confronting people pretending to be soldiers. Stolen Valor! Sure, technically
it's a felony, but I say those imposters
are still heroes. Fake boobs don't make me
any less horny than real ones. They're out there risking
possible embarrassment just to get free appetizers
or a chick's number. That's courage in my book. What are the real soldiers
even fighting for, if not for our freedom
to impersonate them? Haven't you ever heard of
dressing for the job you want? That's why I'd like to award
these next guys with the highest honor
the fake military can bestow: the Golden Chicken Heart. (man)
So the cover says "U.S. Army." Stay put. The uniform says
U.S. Air Force, and you said you were
in what branch? - Army.
- Army. And your name
is Ronnie? Yeah. What rank were you
in the Army? What rank? Yeah, what rank
were you? Sniper? You were a sniper? Pause, pause. This situation is FUBAR. Get your story straight,
Ronnie. Be all you can pretend to be. You got a Marine Corps emblem
on your wallet. You got an Air Force uniform on
with no name tape, no rank, and you're wearing a frickin'
U.S. Army cover, go-fasters, and you've got
frickin' headphones in? People are gonna think
I made this [bleep] up, Ronnie. Air Force shirt, Army hat,
and a Marine wallet. [bleep] you, Navy. Nobody wants to pretend
to be a sailor. So you were in
2nd Bat Rangers? Yep, there it is. Where's your
combat patch at? Gave it to a little kid,
ago-- All right, why's your flag
so low on your shoulder? It should be up here. Got me on that one, bud. Stolen Valor
at its finest. Listen, if a meatball sandwich
can be called a hero, then so can this guy. I'm pretty sure
he just finished 12 tours
at the food court. (man)
You're in the Army? Yes, sir. (Daniel)
This guy deserves
the Medal of Power Walking. [laughter] (Daniel)
Yeah, man. Make that homeless guy
take off his clothes. He's had it too good
in this country for too long. (man)
I actually recently
got out of the Army, and it's called Stolen Valor;
it's-- I am not stealing
anybody's valor, sir. I swear to God, if I had any other thing
to put on this morning, I would have done it. It was 4:00 this morning. I went into my son's--
my stepson's closet, I grabbed some [bleep],
I threw it on, and I slept
all the way to the-- (Daniel)
Yeah, see? It was laundry day; he had nothing else to wear. Troops don't have a monopoly
on camo. It's very fashionable. He didn't even realize he was wearing a matching
hat, shirt, and pants until he received a free coffee
at Starbucks. I'm not brave enough
to steal valor, but I have no issue with
borrowing it from time to time. Here is a free plate of
loaded skins for our soldier. Thank you for your service. (man)
Hey, man, you a veteran? Uh, yes. I fought for America
during the Revolutionary War. Who was your commander? Paul Revere. You realize you're wearing
a British uniform, right? Yes.
Yes, I am, because I am a spy. Okay, then where's
your British accent? You wanker. I forgot. Have some Sam Adams
on the Queen. God save the Queen. Yes? Yay, the Queen. Light foots
have short jackets, so why is yours so long? I stretched it. How do you load gunpowder
into a matchlock musket? Hmm, that's easy. Very carefully. Okay, you don't have
a sense of humor. You know your tricorn hat
is on backwards, right? To rally the team. The war was over
200 years ago. Okay, listen, I'm just
trying to get some strange. Could you-- Stolen Valor!
Stolen Valor! Stolen Valor! Stolen Valor! To be clear, I was not pretending to be a soldier. I was a nutcracker.
