Top 3 TERRIBLE Bucket Pulls Who Got DESTROYED on Kill Tony

um excuse me sir telephone give the opportunity to everybody to sign up some people are just unbearable wretched human beings Make some noise for your next comedian Daniel Shepard let's see what happens could be [Music] anything how's it going mother ship all right I'm not super famous yet I'll admit but my aunt actually just made it big she's in a major Netflix series yeah right right but anyway it's actually the confession killer cuz she got brutally murdered yeah back in 1979 her and her boyfriend got uh murdered by five illegal immigrants she was Mexican her boyfriend was white and uh some funny stuff but I actually found out about this during Netflix and chilling okay I was in the middle of trying to [ __ ] and my family's crying on the damn TV and you know I had to rewind that [ __ ] right nothing makes you come harder than your mama's tears evidently evidently but hey you got to do what you got to do right my mother's a conservative Mexican woman she thinks Plan B is murder murder okay and uh I've administered Plan B thousands of times unbeknownst to her so it turns out I'm a serial killer my mom's a little serial killer Anthony okay thank you Daniel Shephard everybody a real way to swing the momentum back around into the comedy show hi Daniel how are you am all right am all right how long you been doing standup I'm going on like uh four years solid four years solid technically I started in 2016 but 2019 is when I started like seriously grinding you know okay here in Austin I'm from Austin born and raised okay there you go Austin look at that they that's how that's how much you got from the hometown crowd they ain't none of y'all from here [ __ ] godamn all right another oh go ahead D half immigrant it's okay okay what kind of Father's from New York Okay Mother's Mexican all right y'all are California you doing your own interview right now Danel you look like no action Bronson that's about right you're the Tik Tok guy that's right okay y I sold out three shows of the Paramount film myself yeah that's fun I love that these I love these guys just keep coming up here bombing and talking [ __ ] about the successful things around them big F it's absolutely incredible Daniel so four years solid would you think that was your best minute that you've ever written definitely not so no no no sorry that's one of my good minutes actually right now not the best minute I've ever had ever you know oh my God it's unbelievable you're just in your own little world huh Daniel look at me look at me you're being interviewed by me hello over here Anthony no no no not Anthony it's okay I don't [ __ ] know you Daniel okay are you're done there goes Daniel Shepard everybody we're going to keep it moving goodbye put the mic in the mic stand don't ever sign up again thank you that way back to obscurity you go it's that way yep who's next one more time for Austin Perkins everybody hey what's up up hey so during the pandemic I was hospitalized with a bow disease that caused my colon to shred itself answering the question what if Kanye's Twitter was my [ __ ] I had to [ __ ] 41 times on my worst day ever to put that in perspective all four of these guys [ __ ] eight times today combine that add nine that was me it's the Mr Beast approach to toilet time I will say the best part about being in the hospital all the hot nurses the worst part uncontrollably [ __ ] myself any attempt at flirting would always end in her saying wow you're really funny uh did you go number two in your bathroom and I had to be like mhm and she would say I'm going to go look at it now it was the worst [Applause] all right Austin Perkins hello how are you I'm great okay super pumped to be here Tony I you have like the energies of someone that's lying right now you feel like a little if I shook my leg would that distract away from it no you see what I mean you hear the noise that they're making how long you been doing standup Austin about 2 years 2 years yeah okay all of it here in Austin Texas n uh Jacksonville Gainesville Florida B live of Orlando actually know cam from Florida wow incredible okay you ever trade rocks with them no unfortunately not what do you do for work uh I'm in sales but I moved to Austin with a dream of starting the like a great standup comedy show what's the show uh dunat comedy I produce it here in town but what what what what makes it special why does it stand out oh um well I guess I I bring a drummer I try to book really awesome comedians uh I throw stuff into the audience for free merch like what what do you throw at them uh little like ball capsules with like merch items so they can pick them up after the show just to make it fun what kind of merch uh t-shirts stickers little keychains chachki stuff this show sounds like it sucks dude I'm kidding I'm kidding how's it been going you able to get an audience there sorry you able to get an audience to go okay just people that like free [ __ ] and bad jokes I'm kidding Austin I'm kidding oh come on all right uh that's interesting Austin so what's your living situation uh I have an apartment here I live you have your own apartment well I'm looking for a roommate right now ah what kind of sales are you in uh technology sales all right what exactly in technology are you selling um I sell a software product we're really not supposed to talk about about it if they're a big company they wouldn't like me saying it okay yeah so Google or something all right perfect Austin do you have any special skills or talents yeah I was uh I [ __ ] a lot you [ __ ] a lot like I [ __ ] a lot I have like cronn oh okay any other special skills or talents other than the ability to [ __ ] a lot because God hates you uh I speak German okay can you say can you say I'm sorry Jewish people in German no I can't say that way what can you say in German uh was just like hello and it said uh it's a phrase that means uh to wait and drink your tea to just chill out okay all right everybody seems to hate you Austin this is quite incredible you're literally the first person have a bad set tonight and I love it the sound of 3,000 disappointed people brings me nothing but joy to be honest with you I'm fully erect right now if you guys ever wondered hey I wonder what Tony's into this is what I'm into just the struggle of a human that took a chance you've been doing it two years yeah I've been doing two years okay how I can I can give another joke if you'd like what I can give another joke if no no no don't do that to yourself son I I by the way I'm no longer erect cuz I came 5 seconds ago that was incredible one more joke no the Roar the way this place is built if they love something they love it and if they hate it holy [ __ ] dude Austin you're showing us a whole side of the show we haven't even seen yet tonight let me ask you this let me ask you this the room is turning on you what do you think is a redeemable quality about you what's something likable that uh that that can turn the whole room around right now you tried I [ __ ] a lot that failed miserably you didn't really give any details to your job this room specifically like in Austin Texas that's a bad answer too [Applause] [Music] [Applause] incredible what are you trying to mouth to me right are you about to do a joke that has nothing no no no no I I grew up a military brat so if I come off maybe that you can't trust me it's because I'm used to moving around a lot so oh it's because you moved around a lot that I didn't like you immediately after your minute okay you know what if we're going to boo let's [ __ ] boo how loud can we Boo this [ __ ] guy Boo this man [Applause] Boo full heel turn by Austin berkins I saw it coming from a mile away here's a little jokebook you're the first one to get one tonight Austin Perkins everybody there he goes some people try all right all right let's do something special everybody uh had like a whole 3 minutes to do but then I came to San Francisco your city is gnarly I was at a bar across the street I went to the bathroom and like sometimes there's girls in the bathroom and they they they hang out nobody in the bathroom I I went and saw the uh on top of the toilet roll straight line of something some drugs and then I uh went to a hotel room and saw two guys touch their dick tips that was fun yeah all right but I am here now so um I actually also heard that I I'm right in front of the guy that won uh last the golden ticket and then he went up last night he set up if I got on stage I could call them up and they would do dick tip touching nobody wants that though so [ __ ] yeah [ __ ] no maybe I don't know Elizabeth strickling so what the hell was that I don't know I got really nervous what I got nervous you got nervous is this your first time attempting stand up comedy no how long have you been doing this for not very long it's like my ninth time your ninth time wow I went up in Minneapolis once just uh just a right on Kil Tony at Acme oh okay this is David Lucas's favorite comedian of the night I like me a BBW you guys like people that choke so I'm she heard golden ticket and thought she was going to the Chocolate Factory oh I have I have a I have a burn for you a what a burn [ __ ] is that God Elizabeth no a burn it's a good one I hope you I I'm going to light your ass going to it's okay no do it you better do it so uh if your girl likes doggy style she sits on the bed and then you stand up you don't have to hurt your knees burn [ __ ] got him you really burned no I mean like that's a helpful tip I didn't burn you that's a helpful tip it didn't work I it's like the calories we don't burn yeah [ __ ] yeah yeah I know it looks like she ate all of Mr rers neighborhood I uh I have a tip for you I've recently started coaching standup comedy I'm a teacher now oh yeah right off the bat you should have said I have an uncle Richard Lopez he's very sick he has leion disease and followed it up with I like it when my mom goes out of town cuz I get to sleep on her side of the bed hey that's a whole joke you just snuck in right he just gave you a joke I'm ready I'm ready but I I think she sleeps on both sides of the bed already starfish oh [ __ ] hell yeah I never thought I'd meet the chick from shallow how my goodness you should have never started you better be careful her husband Dog the Bounty Hunter could come up here any second and uh may she rest in peace Beth she's a good one hell yeah uh Elizabeth welcome welcome welcome to the show what do you do for work oh God comedy yeah no no I'm an architect so I set a desk oh hell yeah you know something or two about brick houses huh she shaped like one oh [ __ ] there's her chimney right there wow I think I'm you design sandwiches what were you going to say you think you're what what were you going to say there say think I'm an okay person I am a good person an okay person yeah I'm a little I'm a little Plum but I'm a good person I'm sure you have a very big heart it's true it's true I think we think you're lovely Elizabeth but you understand we have to we have to make jok roast yeah H yeah AB I wasn't funny so you got to pot roast you spit roast me oh yeah Boston but you Elizabeth you have a boyfriend yes a skinny black guy named Daryl is that true is he a skinny black guy no he's outside in the car waiting on your ass [ __ ] I told you you got to drop me off at my security job you don't know me God damn yeah no I deserve it you look like you date a meat slicer oh my God you should have never started with me I can't stop now I know no no I got you I I gave you a good tip you're about to have some good sex so I'm fine with it who me no no no no no no no you give me some head but you too big for me to [ __ ] the bed at the uh Airbnb can't hold all this okay I give you a good tip you'll you'll you'll play it back you'll be like you look like you put raisins in your potato salad okay Elizabeth Elizabeth stick with me you're he'll never he'll never stop if you just keep going he's going ham and uh it looks like you both love that so yeah we're both ham Ros so Elizabeth uh what does your boyfriend look like he's tall is he tall and I'm guessing flat completely uh all right um they didn't get it I did uh tall how long have you been with him uh a year a year what does he do nothing ex oh wow yeah comedy uhhuh yeah no I got to go now is he black no oh he's a tall white guy yeah yeah he's a good guy he's a poet he's a [ __ ] he's a poet oh God he's not a good guy at all no he's not oh he's great he's great I do love him y'all live together no oh I would definitely live with you and make you work yeah why why don't you guys live together is that something you want to do no no no it's expensive I live in Santa Cruz it's expensive oh Jesus Christ Red Band you live in Santa Cruz what's going on bring It red band's going to say something I'm ready I was just going to say it's expensive it would be cheaper if you both lived in the same place right yeah yeah yeah roast math band she big and dumb she lives in Santa Cruz [Laughter] ship hell yeah [ __ ] wow Elizabeth do you have any fun hobbies or anything like that you do anything for fun other than comedy she makes our Trudy boards holy [ __ ] we need a counter of roast jokes on this uh I make a Mean [Music] KY uh you what do you do for fun Elizabeth uh I I don't know go for hikes hang out with friends this is did you really just start with hikes are you [ __ ] kidding me have you not had enough my best tender bio have you not had enough punishment tonight I know I haven't apparently what the what what Burger King are you hiking too what the [ __ ] what Burger King in the mountains do they have I could I could see you hiking it to a quarterback [Applause] [Laughter] maybe good oh my God he's saying you're built like a center I I feel like she's been hit with so many jokes we should just start playing the Sarah mlin theme right now yeah she hikes next is going to be Marathon running a you sweet sweet thing hell yeah oh boy Elizabeth [ __ ] God this is so sad oh you're sad you got nervous and barely prepared and now you're sad a boy crazy sign up for the show that rewards you if you stay focused and comfortable and uh doesn't if it you don't they make her uh she has to weight test elevators okay okay at least I didn't at least I didn't get booed before I came up here of the [Music] Angel way thank you if you or somebody you know has been fat shamed for 30 minutes on a podcast please call this number below any amount helps this has been sponsored by cash forg gold.com she just left there you go we finally figured out how to get her to go for [Laughter] walks she need she needs the recording of this segment should be her alarm clock in the morning we'll see further pursue it it's been going better than it is right now that's been absolutely I love it lady this [ __ ] [ __ ] in the front you are the absolutely worst you have to stop making that noise it's driving me absolutely [ __ ] insane are you cool can you not make that [ __ ] what it's horrible you got it I don't care if you don't enjoy yourself for the rest of the night you need to shut the [ __ ] up you're horrible if you do it again we're switching you out and you should know better you come here all the time and you brought this [ __ ] freak with you it's so annoying this is a live show it's annoying you guys are in the front it's [ __ ] horrible you're so annoying you're terrible it's so rare that I hate someone in the audience so much but you have figured out a way to [ __ ] penetrate everything that I hate about an audience it's unbelievable I know her actually really yeah she's friends with my friend Heath oh Heath yeah [Music] I [Music]

Channel: Podcast Clips Unlimited

Views: 154,332

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Id: cvsfti771Bg

Length: 20min 5sec (1205 seconds)

Published: Sun Jun 16 2024