10 Facts About America That Make No Sense
to Foreigners America. It’s one of the biggest countries on Earth,
both in terms of population and sheer size. It’s the planet dominating superpower; the
heaviest hitter where culture is concerned; a place known by nearly every single human
on the planet… and, to all but the 4-5% of humanity who live there, it makes absolutely
no gosh darn sense. See, despite its cultural clout, America still
seems deeply weird to foreigners. And we don’t just mean people who come from
repressive kingdoms and tin-pot dictatorships. Europeans, people from Southeast Asia, Australians
and Brits all find yuge chunks of life in the good ol’ US-of-A beyond comprehension. If you were born stateside, the following
might not seem super crazy to you. But trust us, every single foreigner is reading
this with their jaw dangling open and their eyeballs popping out. 10. US Toddlers Shoot One Person a Week Americans sure love guns. The US has the highest rate of gun-ownership
on planet Earth, and the least-restrictive gun laws (only Switzerland comes close). That’s all thanks to the 2nd Amendment,
which has been the subject of near-constant debate since being written. But it’s not the sheer number of guns in
America that really astounds foreigners. It’s the crazy things that leads to. Things like US toddlers shooting one person
a week. There’s literally no other country on Earth
you could write that sentence about. Even countries that are swimming in guns,
like Serbia, Norway, and Switzerland, don’t have toddlers blowing one another away. To be fair, they have tiny populations, but,
to be even fairer, c’mon buddy. US toddlers have shot on average one person
a week (including themselves) for the past two years. Even warzones don’t have numbers like that. More bizarre still, America keeps on arming
its toddlers. In 2016, Iowa made it legal for babies to
handle loaded guns. That’s right. The guys in the Hawkeye State elected to arm
the very babies that are trying to shoot them. How’s that for hubris? 9. Bestiality is Still Legal in 9 US States (but
premarital sex is outlawed) Despite this being 2017, plenty of US States
still have sex laws on the books that are… unenlightened, to say the least. And by that, we mean they were seemingly written
by two guys named Festus and Bubba while necking with their pet hog Clancy. Incredible as it may seem, there are nearly
ten US States where it is still legal to have sexual intercourse with animals. We say ‘nearly’ ten, because one’s the
District of Columbia (not a state, kids!). The other nine are Hawaii, Kentucky, Nevada,
New Mexico, Ohio, Texas, Vermont, West Virginia and Wyoming. In addition, plenty of states still only consider
bestiality a misdemeanor. This would be odd enough if the US was a spectacularly
licentious place, but it’s not. In addition to allowing you to marry your
bestest sow, four states still outlaw either premarital or extramarital sex, or co-habiting
with your partner prior to marriage. While the laws are effectively never enforced,
the fact they’re still on the statute books attests to America’s unique mix of religious
piety and deep-seated desire to mimic the guys from Deliverance. 8. The Highest Paid Public Employee in 39 States
is a Sports Coach Go to any other country in the Western world
– Canada, Germany, the Czech Republic, New Zealand, wherever – and the highest-paid
public employee will be someone working in a selfless capacity. They’ll be the guys and gals running universities,
or public hospitals, or the local council. America, though, laughs in the face of such
devotion to the public good. Instead of rewarding headmasters or doctors
or teachers, the highest public pay package in 39 states goes to sports coaches. Specifically, guys coaching football or men’s
basketball. We’re not talking comparatively small sums,
either. The salaries involved would be enviable in
the private sector. University of Alabama football coach Nick
Saban, for example, rakes in over $7 million, plus bonuses, likely making him one of the
highest-paid public employees not living in a corrupt dictatorship. For those from outside the states, this seems
less extravagant, and more like an absolute inability to get priorities right. Only Alaska, Delaware, Hawaii, Maine, Montana,
New York, Nevada, New Hampshire, Vermont and both Dakotas refuse to award their highest
public pay packet to a football or men’s basketball coach. Interestingly, both Hawaii and Vermont, as
you’ll remember from a second ago, still technically allow bestiality. We’re really not sure what to make of that. 7. Over Half of All Americans Don’t Hold a
Valid Passport In 2014, polling company YouGov revealed only
8% of Britons had never left their country of birth to travel abroad. While this is maybe not all that super-impressive
(Britain is tiny and France is close), it puts the US to shame. The same poll found only 50% of Americans
would admit to ever having left the country. That’s nearly 160 million people who have
never been to Canada or Mexico, let alone Europe or Asia. For people who were born in Europe, that’s
almost like saying you’ve never seen a glass of water. The idea of not going abroad from time to
time is alien. In places like Germany, over 90% of the population
hold a valid passport, and you better believe they use it. But that’s Europe, we hear you cry, it’s
a small continent with, like, a bazillion countries. Well, first, we’re pretty sure you’re
exaggerating there, bud. Secondly, look at Australia, a country nearly
as big as the US, and more cut-off from the rest of the world. According to official data, one third of the
population goes abroad every single year. That compares to 50% of Americans over their
entire lifetimes. Clearly, the US is a travel-averse country. 6. 30% of Americans Prefer Saving Money to Vital
Medical Treatment Compared to other developed nations, healthcare
in the US is expensive. You can blame that on too much Obamacare,
or not enough of it, but the fact remains that public systems, private systems, and
public-private systems elsewhere in the world all deliver better service at lower cost. This alone can seem staggering to foreigners. Then there’s the American attitude to health. Faced with a serious illness or injury, around
30 percent of Americans would rather walk it off than pay for treatment. This… simply doesn’t happen elsewhere. Norway has the second most-expensive healthcare
in the world, and pretty much no-one there avoids necessary treatment. Japan has an insurance-based, private system
with payments often covered by employers, just like the US, and people don’t skip
out on medical care. To find other people choosing money over hospitalization,
you have to leave the developed world behind and start poking around in poorer countries
where wages are low and healthcare unaffordable. We’re not trying to rag on American healthcare
here. America has some of the best doctors and hospitals
going. But the idea that you’d choose money over
health (or that you’d have to choose)? To non-Americans, that’s insane. 5. 7 States Have Custody Rights for Rapists OK, let’s turn to some really, really dark
stuff now. There exists a certain subsection of guys
who like to rape women. Occasionally, this results in their victims
getting pregnant. Depending on where they live and their religious
convictions, the women may then decide to carry the baby to term. Now, here’s where it gets creepy. In around 7 states, it’s perfectly legal
for the rapist-father to sue for custody of his newborn child. Imagine that for a second. You’ve been violently assaulted, gone through
the hell of guilt and self-recrimination, been courageous enough to bring the resulting
baby into the world… and now you’re forced to watch as the D-bag who hurt you decides
he wants to be a father to your son/daughter. Well, if you live in Alabama, Mississippi,
Maryland, New Mexico, North Dakota, Wyoming or Minnesota, that can totally happen. In addition, there are 20 more states where
it might be legal. In Indiana, for example, you can only block
the rapist from seeking custody if you remember to do so within 3 months of your baby being
born. This is some seriously dark stuff, and we
guarantee that if you mention it to anyone from elsewhere in the developed world, their
jaws will drop so low they hit the ground. Sure, some Middle East states may have even-worse
laws, but that’s not really a benchmark to aspire to. 4. America Has More Self-Identified Patriots
than Anywhere Else on Earth In July 2016, Gallup released the results
of their yearly patriotism poll. They found 52% of Americans call themselves
“extremely patriotic”, the lowest level in polling history. The news triggered a slew of introspective
articles by American writers, wondering what had gone wrong. For those reading elsewhere in the world,
it felt like stepping through the looking glass. 52% is such a good score it leaves other countries
eating the USA’s dust. Such levels of patriotism simply don’t exist
in the rest of the developed world. In a similar survey by YouGov, only 13% of
Brits thought their country was “the best in the world.” That was the highest score in the EU. Germany and France got only 5% each. The second and third highest-ranking countries
globally, India and Australia, scored 34% and 36%. But the US? The US busted through the 40% mark, with an
additional 32% claiming America was at the very least “better than most other countries.” For the majority of foreigners, the idea of
showing US-levels of patriotism is simply alien. You will never see a flag in every yard in
any other country on Earth. But that’s the US public for you: optimistic
to a tee. Even if they’re unhappy with their current
government, folks still believe that the idea of America itself is worth believing in. 3. Americans are More Likely to Get Bitten by
Other Americans than Rats The stereotype is that Americans likes three
things: football, fast food, and violence (often all at once). It’s true that America’s murder rate is
crazy-high. It’s also true that the national sport is
getting drunk and starting bar-fights. But surely it’s not as bad as all that? Well, we hate to break it to you, but this
arresting statistic says otherwise. If you live in America, you are more likely
to be bitten by another American than you are by a rat. To be clear, this isn’t because US rats
are particularly docile or rare on the ground. Cities like New York are completely infested,
and people get bitten all the freakin’ time. There are over 40,000 rat bites recorded in
America each year. The only trouble is, there are at least 45,000
human bites recorded right alongside them. Again, this is a freaky fact for Americans,
too. But, also again, it’s just something that
doesn’t happen in most other countries. Sure, drunks in Britain like to hit each other,
and Italian soccer hooligans are violent as heck, but biting enough people to outstrip
rats? It’s something we can’t imagine happening
anywhere else. 2. Americans Take ‘Fast Food’ Extremely Literally The US is the birthplace of fast food. It’s the nation that brought the world the
drive-thru, perfected the snack, and coined the phrase “lunch is for wimps.” Foreigners know all this intellectually. But confront them with a statistic like the
following, and it’ll still blow their minds. Americans, you see, are the 3rd fastest eaters
on Earth. On an average day, Americans spend only 74
minutes eating, nearly the lowest in the world. That’s only slightly over 20 minutes each
for breakfast, lunch and dinner, and far less if you include time put aside for eating snacks. If you live in the USA, this probably doesn’t
seem so weird to you (the working lunch is an American specialty), but if you live elsewhere…
man, you’re probably wondering how the heck they do it. In France, the average eating time is 135
minutes a day. In Turkey, it’s 162 minutes. Even in Japan, where people work far longer
hours than in the US, they still manage to put aside 117 minutes a day for chow. The only other countries to spend as little
time eating are Canada (72 minutes) and Mexico (under 70 minutes). This is probably to do with both the American
hard work ethic and fast food culture, which prioritizes productivity over relaxation. The same can be seen in a related statistic
on cooking times. Nowhere else on Earth do people spend as little
time cooking each day as in America. 1. Government Departments Have Official Advice
for Reporting Elvis Sightings One of the things foreigners know about the
US is that it’s full of wackos seeing wacko things. There’s a reason The X-Files was so popular
20 years ago. But it’s one thing to hear about guys filming
shaky footage of Bigfoot on their cell phone. It’s another entirely to hear that actual
US government departments have official advice for reporting Elvis sightings. Here, for example, is a link to the Federal
government’s official website for copyright. Hover your mouse over the link. See that it ends .gov? It’s impossible for anyone not representing
a government entity to register a .gov address. This site is legit. It’s part of the Federal government, and
paid for by taxpayers’ money. And it includes official advice on how to
copyright your sighting of Elvis. This isn’t a joke section put up by some
lighthearted bureaucrat indulging a whim. It’s completely, mind-bogglingly serious. Which means the government was getting deluged
with enough requests about Elvis sightings that they went to the trouble to post official
advice about it. OK, say it with me now, altogether: only in
America.
