Today you can, tomorrow you cannot - Nouman Ali Khan

[Music] assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh al hamdu lillahi rabbil alameen wa sallahu wa salam o allah said in a mere l-mursaleen mother early he witnessed an abyss on that he lay on Medina from my body this is my last presentation at this conference and I wanted to conclude it with something that ties the theme of this conference together you all are very familiar with the theme of this conference dealing with saving family tied to the idea of saving society and though we have spoken about practical advice and overall themes and guidelines what I wanted to focus on is a very practical and very close to home area of concern for the family that I don't think has gotten enough attention or any attention at all through the course of this weekend and it must be given some do I'm going to present to you a scenario in which actually I present to you a reality in terms of which all of us that are sitting in this convention here chances are that the vast majority of your family your cousin's your brothers etc etc they're not very religious and you're the weirdos from your sicily that came here to the convention and chances are a good number of people in your family don't see eye-to-eye with you even if they are Muslim when it comes to the religion you are considered an extreme faction within your family you are the object of ridicule during Eid you are the people the way you dress the way you conduct your social gatherings the way you show up at weddings covered up and etc etc you become the object of mocking and ridicule and I want to bring some of this to attention this happens to those of you that are raised in Muslim families because even the vast majority of Muslims today the vast majority of them are very far from the practice of the religion and of course this also happens to those of you that made the decision to enter into the fold of Islam and obviously that decision has led to a lot of rift and conflict between yourself and your family and they don't look at you the same way they used to anymore there's this distance between you and your family and the cause of it happens to be Islam itself now maybe you were such a person maybe you were a person that wasn't very religious at all and you were living life like the rest of your extended family but something came in your heart and you said you know what I'm gonna take this guidance seriously I don't know how it happened maybe Allah made it happen through some YouTube video huh it happened through some hot boy you heard or a friend or however it happened but you decided to make a change for the better in your life and when you start changing the behavior in your life the first people to see a change in you will be your own family they will notice it they will notice that you're not the same anymore you don't talk the same you don't act the same you don't go to the same places you don't even have the same friends anymore and this necessarily happens when you take a turn towards Islam necessarily you start losing friends because you're old friends used to do pretty bad things and now you can't do those things with them anymore so you suffer a loss of friends and at the same time your family starts saying you're acting a little too weird and for the young man the family might even say what's that thing on your face you forgot to shave what happened to you and the girl starts wearing the job and the family might even be in shock and this is a Muslim family mind you they'll say take that thing off your head you're gonna go out to the wedding looking like that I can't sit in the car with you like that what do you think we are who do you all of a sudden you're the Islamic role model who died and made you shake that all of a sudden we should be looking up to you remember what you were like last year man you weren't a party animal now you're going to go make Solaria seriously please we know what you're really like in other words this now don't not only have you lost your friends from your family you get the nastiest kinds of sarcasm and criticism all the time all the time every chance they get they say something to you they say something about your beard this is something about your habits of making Salah this is something about you going to the Ignite convention this is something about putting your children in Islamic school this is something about sending your children to Sunday school are you getting up for fudger or I shy I'm going to the mush and they'll have some comments for you and those comments hurt they burned pretty good this happens to young men in the audience where their parents start telling them to stop hanging out with their other Muslim friends don't go to the Masjid don't waste your time I will lie him myself know of stories where the father found out that in between classes the son used it because these classes were 3-4 hours apart in between classes he used to go to the Masjid to pray though and just study at the Masjid instead of studying at the library where there's plenty of things to look at might as well go make Salah and pray in the masjid i'll be safer that way dad finds out you're becoming an extremist son i'm gonna you away because i don't want you to get influenced by this extremism and what is the extremism in the eye of the father that the boy is making salah in the machine that's extremism for him subhanAllah with Muslims themselves you think non-muslims are averse to Islam have you seen what Muslim families are doing to their own what parents are doing to their children I know of cases myself where parents said we will not pay your college tuition we will not look for a wedding made for you until you take that job off we will not do it but you do not accept you as our daughter until you take that thing off we will not show our face in public with you you can't go with us anywhere this is the mother telling and you know what they'll say what's amazing about that they'll make you feel bad about yourself they'll tell you what kind of daughter are you you should be ashamed to yourself you're embarrassing your parents we're Muslim but we're not Muslim Muslim we're not that we're not those kind of Muslims that's not how we do things in our family that's what they'll say our family is different we don't do things like that in our family that's those moistured people don't be like those must've people that's what they'll say and you know what's amazing about that if you look at a portrait of your great-grandparents from back in the day good old great Grandpa's got a big old beard and you can't even see grandma's face so who's being true to the family and who's an embarrassment to the family see this is Muslim families today and you're in the midst of all of this and you know what happens because you've made a decision to turn towards Islam if an enemy of Islam came to you and said abandon your religion you'd say oh yeah I'm gonna be even more committed you would become energized in your zeal for the religion when the enemy attacks Islam we'd get even more fired up Muslims get fired up in the craziest of ways you somebody draws a cartoon about the messenger sallallaahu salaam and muslims go crazy and they'll burn some other guy's car up or break somebody else because they're really angry but we get fired up when when something happens something questions the dignity of our religion even if it makes sense or doesn't make sense but when your own family comes and says look I love you I'm worried about you I don't want you to become this way this is the way of the people who fail out of college you don't have a career who have miserable lives I don't want you to fall into this extreme somebody is somebody's putting you under their influence you need to get away from them worry genuinely worried about you and there are parents like that in this audience actually probably not in this audience but their children are and their parents are actually home worrying what are they learning at the aquino convention there are a lot of kids like that here too and your parents are calling what you know why did you have to go to this place and the next thing that's gonna be there's the FBI is gonna knock down your door because you came to the ik neck and they're paranoid they see stuff on TV and they become paranoid and you're in the middle of all of this and it becomes hard to hold on to your religion in the middle of all of this it becomes hard because it's not the enemy of Islam that's pulling you away who's pulling you away your own family your own parents your own husband your own wife your own brother your own cousins your own in-laws they're the ones pulling you away so how do you deal with that the most inappropriate response to this pressure is anger and you know what that is the most in response to your parents start yelling at you for growing the beard and you're a young hot-blooded guy what do you do oh yeah it's the Sun now you can't tell me what to do you're following culture and I'm trying to follow Islam and you slam that door in their face way to go because that's what Allah wants you to do yell back at your parents and their just take till they're talking about your beard what was if Raheem's father talking about alayhis-salam was he talking about something small or something big go make such that the idols boy and as he loses cool does he get angry we have to learn how to be with our parents as even when they called you away from Dean it doesn't matter if they're Muslim or not well in Jogja Dhaka Allah I'm - Shaniqua B Malaysia that can be here and final to tear our home our hua Sahib home - dunya Madhava Allah Azza WA JAL tells us if they struggle against you to make you follow what they themselves have no knowledge of don't obey them while at the same time accompanying them in the most dignified fashion obeying them is separate respecting them as separate just because you didn't obey them for the sake of Allah when it came to matters of halal and Haram or Mary Kim's - matter of Iman and sherek or cover just because you didn't obey them does not give you the right to get angry at them you can't you have to maintain family relations a lot of families have been broken because one side feels that they are religious and the other is too liberal and the religious side gets angry and they don't want to deal with their liberal l of the liberal element in their family you have to learn to be patient with everyone you have to learn to be patient you have to look to learn to listen to the nastiest sarcasm the nastiest language your mother will tell you I hope I wish you were never born you're such a disappointment you know your husband and wife will tell you you don't look good anymore I don't want to even sleep next to you look at that thing on your face you know they'll say those kinds of things you will hear the nastiest of language from your own family and you know where this began just so we're trained the prophet alayhi salaatu wa salaam one of his nastiest enemies probably the worst if you want to make a list of the enemies of the messenger the worst of the worst of the worst a Buddha ha who is a Buddha ha it's his uncle it's his uncle it's his neighbor - and this uncle of the messenger throws dead animal skin over the wall when he hears the Prophet praying so Lala and they throw filth over they leave for you know they leave these thorns in his path so in the morning when he gets up he gets injured and you know what the nastiest thing is when the messenger and he saw - wa sallam lost his son when he lost his son even if you have an enemy an enemy that you want to kill and you hear they lost a child you put the sword down and say I heard about your baby I'm sorry to hear that we'll fight tomorrow I'll let you have your condolences for a day you would do that much for even your enemy that's human compassion his uncle Abu Lahab heard years about the passing of the son of the messenger sallallaahu honey you send them and goes out of the house celebrating he goes and tells the rest of Quraysh Bottari Muhammad Muhammad's name has been cut off he doesn't have any sons nobody's gonna pass on his name he goes and celebrates what kind of an uncle I mean on top of that what kind of an enemy I've never heard of an enemy like that so when you talk about animosity inside your family you got nothing you've got nothing on this man's all along when I leave sent him he's been dealing with far worse far worse and so what I want to share with you today - in order to keep your family intact you have the Muslims here that are hoping to hold on to their religion and I know you are here the vast majority of you are warrior you're looking for some kind of a boost to your iman that's why you came here or you came here so maybe your children will hear something good that's why you came here you didn't really come here for the long lines at lunch or the 30-minute bader you didn't come here for that the vast majority of you came here because you're worried about your family and I'm telling you I'm telling you if you really are worried about your family you better learn to become extremely patient with the rest of your family that isn't here and will not be here in the your future its except if Allah knows best you know you don't anticipate them being here in the near future you don't anticipate them being at the massagin you anticipate them anticipate them having inappropriate gatherings in their homes but they are still your family and who's gonna give them that way and let me tell you something else this is very important you have members in your family listen to this carefully now you have members in your family that are so far apart from you and they are so on the other end of the spectrum from you the only reason you would ever ever ever talk to them is because they're family and if their word family you would probably not even go down the same street you would never ever meet them you would never associate with them you would say no not those kind of people I don't associate with them and Allah made it in his father that you be part of that family because Allah wanted someone to give them Dawa and he chose it to be you you had to talk to them it was you and you don't like talking to them and that's part of that Allah that was not all entertainment that Allah can be very unpleasant this what I'm doing right now is not really that way this is the easy part this is the part where a speaker comes up and says a few words for 20 minutes and people actually come and sit and listen you try doing that with your family hey guys come here I got to talk to you for 20 minutes what about 40 minutes some of you've been sitting here for three hours now how will allow cooler illa billahil aliyyil Arlene try that with your family a holic or for three hours see how that goes we can't have two minutes two minutes with our brother our daughter our son our husband our wife our parents we can't they don't listen they don't listen but the messenger is told sallallahu alayhi wa sallam go talk to your toughest audience and there she yell attack and alcala beam warn your family the closest ones and the closest ones are the toughest ones my sister I bring her to seminars with me sometimes gets the best sleep of her life during my lectures the person next turn was it that was awesome she goes yeah there's something about family you're just you just it you just don't want to hear it but I am Telling You I am Telling You if it's not your words because naturally we don't take the words of our family seriously oh you're just a kid what are you gonna tell me you're my nephew how are you gonna give me advice the father of Ibraheem are they sam says you're my kid you're gonna tell me what to do it's very difficult to listen to your child about religious advice is very difficult you know your ego gets in your way and also just your assumptions how will a kid know more that more than me you know I know who you are you don't know better than me that's the assumption so if your words aren't going to do it you know what's gonna what its gonna have to be it's gonna have to be your character it's gonna have to be your patience it's gonna have to be your thick skin that no matter what they say you're able to laugh it off and still be cordial still be friends still be nice still be courteous still keep the family ties one day they curse you out the next day you call them again and this is the way of the messengers the messengers were cursed and they come back and they make that one to the same people again and then they're cursed even worse and they come back the next day and they do it again to the point where people are not just cursing at them they're trying to kill them they're trying to kill them imagine how annoyed these people must be with messengers that they're ready to kill them and some even from within their own family what would drive a person to kill a member of their own family just based on words this is how poison is that what can be to some people they can't stand it they can't stand it but you still have to be patient with them you still have to continue to invite them this is what we're learning from the messengers are they evil salatu was-salam I tell you my primary job is with my family this is secondary this is all secondary your primary job is with your family your toughest toughest audience and in this regard the last thing I will share with you is a little bit of practical advice especially for the younger brothers and sisters here that have horrible relationships with their parents let me tell you something about that if you have a bad relationship with your parents that is the easiest ticket to Hellfire easiest ticket to hell fire you cannot afford a tough a bad relationship with your parents you cannot come and say to me I haven't talked to my dad in a few months or we don't really talk about much because if the conversation goes on for more than two minutes he starts criticizing me for everything that I do and I can't take it anymore and let me tell you why that happens too why why does he blow up every time he talks to you and why does your mom just completely unleash upon you the moment you walk into the house why are they so critical what what did they eat for lunch what happen to let you know when you were little I told you this yesterday when you were little you wanted their attention all the time but when you got older what happens they want your attention but you got other things to do you never give them any time and when you don't give them time they miss you at first they're sad at first but then they get angry they say the first they're sad but then they get out you might jump my child my son my daughter doesn't give me any time and in their head the anger is building and building and building and building and then they see you walk by Salam alaikum and you walk by and you don't say you don't even wait for the while you come with Salam you don't even wait for it and they get even angrier and angrier and in their head there are so many things they want to say to you but they have no opportunity to say them to you so they see you for 10 seconds and what do they do they explode they explode on you you know how many things you haven't done this there's a Europe where did this come from have you been memorizing the list how does it this is not spontaneous you must be building this in your mind for a while and yes they have been and you could have avoided all of that just by calling them every day just by spending five minutes with them every day just by saying how are you doing this is what I did today do you don't you don't have to control your life they just want to know what you're doing this is where I'm going this is what I did this is what I'm gonna do you know this was good this was bad and they might have input about it that you may or may not like but listen to it anyway it's okay listen to them give them time and don't make them feel like they're useless don't make them feel like aha yeah sure okay I gotta go not like that make them feel important you have to be the best to them what Karima speak to them with noble speech respectful speech that's how you should be with your parents but to kill that riff the other practical piece of advice that I wanted to give you not just giving time to your parents or your spouse but the additional thing that I wanted to say to you is do stuff for them do things for them the more religious they see you become these notice that you're more cut apart from the family and they start blaming what for you being cut apart not you but the religion the more religious you become the more of service you should be you should do the groceries even more you should mow the lawn before they ask you should vac before the house that you should buy your mother flowers spontaneously you should do more and more and more for the family the more you turn to the religion so that they see that this Islam has made my son a better son this Islam has made my daughter a better daughter a better husband a better wife a better brother a better sister a better neighbor Islam made them a better person and I could see it but the exact opposite is what is going on now the more religious you get the more confrontational you get the more debating debates you get into the more arguments you get into that's the exact opposite effect because they will not blame you they will blame Islam and when you call them to it they say I don't want to be like you I don't want to be like you you're nasty you're mean all the time and it's probably because you're religious so I want nothing to do with the religion who turned them away from the Deen is your own behavior your own behavior all of you sitting in this audience today have an obligation to change your behavior towards your family to be better than you were yesterday you have an obligation to do so you have an obligation to do so because this is the means by which we save our family this is my last comment I promise I'm done why should we make this kind of effort why bother to grow the thick skin why bother to put up with all of these insults and still be connected with our family and try to give them that way and the softest way possible why should we even bother listen to me even if you have a brother that you had a fight with that you had some dispute about inheritance or whatever else and you don't like talking to him if you hear he got diagnosed with cancer you'll call if you hear he got into a car accident you will call you'll forget all of the fights of the past and you'll call anyway you'll show up to the ER anyway because blood is blood blood is blood you have ten minutes or three minutes okay that's perfect okay now tell me when when we don't give our family that wha we have become content with them heading towards destruction you know the famous ayah it's quoted all the time in this seminar I bet you at least two dozen times this ayah was mentioned yeah you had ladina Amano who and Fusako walaikum Nara though those of you who claim to believe save yourselves and your families from Hellfire but Allah didn't stop there first you hear that you say yeah I really should make an effort to save my family from the Hellfire because that's pretty serious but then you lose motivation Sola motivates you again same ayah he says well kudu had NASA well a Jarrah its fuel it is fueled by people and stones another description of fire you read that and you say I better get serious about that law to my family again but then you get rusty after a while you come back to the AIA it warns you again I they have my dad iike Li da Vinci dad upon that hell fire are in severe guards angels that are very tough and very intense in how they execute the punishment now imagine your family being in a situation where there are people torturing them torturing them and Allah is letting you know they will be and they will not back off and they will not care about the crying or the screaming Leia so Allah Hama Amara home they do not disobey a line whatever Allah commanded them Allah commanded them to torture and they will torture and the ayah is not about the Kafala it's about your family if you care about your family you will never get lazy about that law to them you will always be thinking how can I get something across to them if this didn't work that might work if that didn't work that might work if that didn't work something else might work you're trying to get something through to them and if it's not your speech it may be something else you know I have family that told me no mine I know some people listen to you but I don't and no matter what you say you're wrong so don't bother right family will tell you that and I'll say ok and I'll put somebody else's CD on in the car they might listen to something from someone else so if one thing doesn't work you try something else it doesn't have to be while I already give them that way it didn't work that's not exactly what we learned from knew had a hassle is it that's not exactly what we learned from muhammad sallallaahu he said i'm is it and I let them know there's an al-qaeda they didn't believe I went up and made the announcement and I told them that they're gonna be brought back to life and they laughed it off and they left I guess I should just go to life now it doesn't work that way it does not work that way you cannot give up on your family you have you have to take that responsibility you have to learn the religion properly so you can communicate it properly and again the best way to communicate your dollar to your family is you become the reason for which the family remains united you are the source of counsel and help you are there no matter what no matter how bad they are to you you are still the best to them because you're not the best to them because it's not tit for tat you're not doing it for them you're doing it for Allah you're not expecting back from them may Allah make us of those who are the beliefs may Allah make us of those who are able to effectively carry that what to their families may Allah make us of those who are able to softened that through their words and sincerity Allah softened the hearts of their families that had become hard and had become tough you know like one of my good friends very close friends his mom was nan father's Muslim mom is non-muslim and she you know she's been non-muslim for 22 years and she took Shahada two months ago he's been doing that over 22 years to his mother and she took Shahada two months ago take that as inspiration in shallow tejada may allah azza which i'll protect all of us in our families from the Hellfire barakallahu li walakum feel Quran al Hakim when I fight anybody I can be layout with the Hakim Salaam o aleikum wa rahmatullah you [Music]

Channel: ICNA

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Id: pAgR9u4HCBc

Length: 26min 18sec (1578 seconds)

Published: Mon Jul 05 2010