Titus • Episode 1 • Dad's Dead

Los Angeles Times States 63 percent of American families are now considered dysfunctional that means we're the majority we're normal it's the people that had the mom dad brother sister little white picket fence those people are the freaks normal people terrify me because they haven't had enough problems in their life to know to handle problems when they come up something little happens they just snap like my pal Tommy the being from a dysfunctional family means nothing rattles me Hey once you've driven a drunk father to Mom's parole hearing what else is there [Music] [Music] what do you mean dad is dead I think dad is dead not a lot of gray area here Dave dead not dead is there a pulse I don't know I have taken half a day off work there better be a corpse I mean what makes you think he's dead he's been in his room for four days now right and without getting a beer oh my god how did it happen I don't know I'm not going in his room I'll be scarred for life Dave you've been living with the man since you were 8 you are scarred for life Dave and I both lived in the same fear of dad except that was slightly more aggressive [Music] look yet what does he do just sitting there chair going out the back of his head but I could kick his ass oh we could go get ice cream I had decided to cross that man-boy line I not lose you crescent wrench you're such a bag of butt tracks you want a piece of me come on mean you old man yeah I got some moves now thought my dad was lazy turns out he was just resting up see the difference between me and dave is dave has the ability to walk away I'm out not going anywhere go in there discover our dead father no no no no I never went in dad's room when he was alive I'm sure as hell not going in there now that he's dead oh come on you've been in his room before never in my life okay one when we swiped his Hustler magazine Christmas issue 62 pages of ho ho hos no no you went in I always look out oh we still quarter from his Las Vegas just look up okay how about the title yeah well look little brother now you have a choice okay you can go in there and find it if our father is dead or you can forever be a solace nothing rotting on the sidelines waiting for life to run you over I choose rotting soulless nothing quit being a wussy that was the supreme insult in my family dad thought you get through anything if you just quit being a wussy you get your arm ripped off dad would find the arm get some packing tape and strap it back on there you go son you're all ready to play time to quit being a wussy what I am NOT whooped well-well go in there man fear no evil face the darkness oh please I live with him I face the darkness every day you going fine I'll go in good I'll be lookout Dave Titus my father never missed a drink or a joint or a party or a chance to get laid in his life but he also never missed a day of work or a house payment or a car payment this is a man that's been divorced five times and the women cleaned him out every time at one point in my life all we had left was a wooden box 12-inch black-and-white TV and a 4-man rubber raft for a couch foxy no lady today I think you're gonna like her you ready for new mommy if anybody else will put me through all the years of crap the dis man had I had a burst in the room danced a jig and high-five the corner but this is my dad you want to find your dad dead shut up I'm gonna make a sandwich you want one wisi like mayonnaise no cheese so now what I don't know I mean we don't notify somebody soon we stop being grieving relatives and become suspects hey maybe there's a some kind of service we can call I mean like that guy that comes over and pulls dead squirrels out of your heating vent well no I guess not maybe we should call mom my mom is crazy I don't mean my mom is crazy I mean we the jury find the defendant she was diagnosed a manic depressive schizophrenic and admitted to a mental care facility or as dad so eloquently put it son your mom is shacked up in the wacko basket okay yeah come on I gotta go in there we just ate shouldn't we wait like a half-hour Dave going right because we're not wood seats right beaches so I'm sitting in a meeting with a very important client and suddenly my pager goes off with a message it says dad's dead so I raced out of the meeting and I Drive all the way to Santa Maria cuz naturally I think my dad's dead [Applause] honey your dad is not dead yeah I know that now cuz if he were what I walked in on my mother doing to him would be so sick baby I'm sorry I should have said my dad is dead wasn't funny about my dad it's not funny about yours either that's not a joke papa Titus is dead we did paid you Christopher that's Aaron always taking care of me not like my last girlfriend case number two four six - beef she was a little less thoughtful she was a 5-foot 100-pound Jewish girl I still haven't forgiven the Jewish people I almost been an angel because of this woman but they don't let you stay in jail just because you're afraid of your girlfriend okay I'm okay Dave no I'll handle everything I will call everyone I'm here now God you were just amazing I mean you find out our Father might be dead and you're all over it god I loved you before that you are so honest let's go let's go all the way back to the might be dead part Dave and I have some concerns about that too of course Aaron can get pretty angry she's got that Irish temper but she's Northern Irish so we don't fight she just puts a bomb in my car isn't she great beautiful Proactive although when we first got together dad thought the relationship was a huge mistake I think this relationship is a huge mistake taking from a guy who's been married a lot who regret the day you ever moved in together you are in for a nightmare can't believe that you guys are so lame you can't go in there and find your own dead father you're so weak and you disgust me well Little Miss Big Top couldn't open it either party walked in on one horrifying seizure so what makes you think he's dead he's been in his room for four days now right and without getting a beer oh yeah maybe that's why it gave me as well will what will last Thursday he gave me his will gave you a will how can you give me the will well I live here I should get the will I'm listen you're missing the point we've got a secret will and a newly dead guy alright I train leave Chicago going why are we dead go to Chicago Dave dad killed himself got it but a waste it was only 54 who won the pool I had 68 8350 - hey soon white 54 dad did so I went out a winner and a loser [Laughter] I'm sorry daddy's not the kind of guy that would kill himself one of us maybe but not himself maybe wasn't suicide maybe he knew he was gonna die no how what do you know he hadn't been to the doctor since the fellatio incident episode 11 you want to open it you wanna I mean it'd be kind of nice to see what we got kind of like Christmas except dad's not drunk and no cause Tommy oh god your dad is dead I am so sorry what a great man he was I am so sorry tom Aaron I know you loved him too I know I'm so sorry Dave I so feel your lost day but it's gonna be alright everyone I stopped by the bookstore and I read through a number of books and I found this one to be the most comprehensive death do's and don'ts Tommy is the most anal detail-oriented anal human being on the planet which is why I hired him we did it again we started with a hunk of metal four wheels and a motor we turned it into art class Oh van Gogh shut up come on come on let's get some lunch yes starving come on I can't leave it like this this place is a mess Oh did your mother teach you nothing tight is high-performance we build hot rods hot rods that are smoother faster and have more flow than anything on the road cuz all anybody wants is a normal life and a cool car most people settle for the car do do write an obituary for the newspaper I took the liberty will read it later I understand don't okay do Oh beside if you're going to have a viewing of the body are we gonna eventually Tommy you know a viewing is an excellent idea you go first he's still in there oh my god the body removed is a big death - I don't want to see mr. Titus like that he was like a father to me he was like a father to all of us Tommy worships my dad because he didn't have to grow up with him you didn't have to run the gauntlet a mother will give you knowledge a father makes you earn knowledge don't do that sweetheart it's dangerous well go on yeah but you're not gonna do that again now are you let's forgot the cake I left it on the porch why did you bring cake page 216 do have plenty of comfort foods pastries chocolate and cake well we can either go into your father's room or have cake cake yeah I'm gonna miss your dad me too remember the mailbox Titus stole a federal mailbox I was drunk and it was giving me attitude the police caught him and took him to jail oh yeah dad left him in there for two days who wouldn't post bail but you never did that again son of a [ __ ] he really loved me yeah I know I know he taught us so much how to shave how to drive yeah had a water ski yeah he gave us three tries to get up if you weren't up by that third try swing back it was a noble loving father caring human being only thought of others well sobre o so man when he drank he turned into the most negative human being on the planet you might know him as anti dad wherever there is hope I will stop it where self-esteem rears it's shiny little head I will be there to kick it in the testicles hey dad dad I got a bee in my report car but it's not an a is it son now that the smile has left your face I'm off I graduated high school but you didn't make valedictorian did you boy when your confidence returns oli hey dad dad dad I got my first job good for you wait a minute something's wrong first job huh well you ain't manager yet are you boy and a real man would own his own business now leave me alone I'm off to destroy your brother okay now it's my turn hey Dad guess what last year I started my home business and in one year I have made more money than you made an even year of your life what do you think about that I think without me pushing you you never would have made it [Applause] now will you keep it down in here I am trying to get some sleep he's not dead thank God the Los Angeles Times states 63 percent of American families are now considered dysfunctional good because that means an Armageddon happens 37 percent of this population is going to lose their mind oh my god the world is over a 63% we're gonna go hey there's nobody watching the Lexus dealership [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] you you [Music]

Channel: christophertitustv

Views: 364,911

Keywords: TITUS, Titus, Dad's Dead, Sitcom, Classic Sitcom, Christopher Titus, Comedy, Comedy Show, Comedy Tv Show

Id: gFX-hzL90iM

Length: 22min 29sec (1349 seconds)

Published: Tue Mar 31 2020

Reddit Comments

[u/donutpower]

Now thats awesome! Been waiting for years to see this show in full again. Back in the day this was really one of those comedies that I can say was actually laugh out loud funny.

[u/yeticomeout]

It was awesome but I think it got cancelled for being to controversial at the time

[u/judasmaiden15]

One of my favorite jokes

Dad "I'm not good with goodbyes so" Walks away

[u/zuzg]

Wasn't the show canceled cause the creator shared too many family secrets? If I remember it correctly

[u/Tarkon3006]

What episode was the English class flashback? Titus told the teacher he speaks American 😂