Till Death Us Do Part (1991 UK VHS)

so [Music] [Applause] [Music] so [Music] no oh well what are you gonna do look do you want another house or don't ya wow i don't know you might get your bloody mind what do you think rit i don't know mum it's up to you got to make your own decision no good asking her all the time i mean why don't we play poker that's much better mum can't play punk she can't play this neither come on mom take your time have another house in a good position look next to the station look no mind about all that what are you gonna do all right i'll have it oh i said it was about time well come on you silly murray i'll put you 200 pound in a bank boy no not one at times i'm crying anything else to do the telly's broken down well don't sit there who's going is it yours [Music] there's a lot of this game missing you know well it wasn't the last time we played like it was all he had time before well that was a long time ago we haven't played this in years i can't remember when we last played this i can it was new year's eve yeah not last year though no must be four or five now it was when that mrs moore had that party across the road oh yeah i remember that that was a good party that was you didn't go did you she wouldn't have him yeah i'll tell you something else about that night about that new year's eve about our old bloody year things was just as bad then as they are now only there was one big difference so it wasn't mr evil was in power huh no it was darling out with it darling bloody harold a workers friend yeah and there were still power cuts and still trouble to coal miners and your train drivers yeah get off not as bad as naomi well i don't understand it look you don't have to just throw the dice and we'll explain it i mean politics oh god don't start on that's hard enough trying to teach you to play this well it seems to me that either the miners and the power workers and the train drivers are very greedy or else that's right no before it so that's it you've got it that's it you got it doing what are you talking about that's it that's it you've got it she ain't got nothing [ __ ] look the reason your power workers your coal mine is people like it's unhappy and unsettled is because a [ __ ] bastard's like him that's bloody comic catch newspapers like this bloody manny yeah look at it militant yeah i'll give them bloody militant yeah they want to be militant they ought to call them up and put them in the army yeah and then bun down at coal mines get them driving the trains on a soldier's wages see how they're like that oh you want to see the grave face of socialism idea i'm gonna go to east russia see plenty of grey face of socialism there all right oh nothing in the shops no cars and a road and austerity everywhere austerity staring you in a bloody face oh you don't have to go to russia for that you can see that here no our shops aren't empty michael well they might just as well be cause i can't afford to buy what's in them not on what you give me look no more about they just throw the bloody dice [Applause] properly yes yeah come on supposed to turn them over oh no law now are you going out throw them properly for crying out man it's not on the playing area there that's it eight mover rates you can't count past one right that's already no i no i haven't been in the bank right no i'll tell you i'll tell you what's wrong with this country see yeah yeah you know what's wrong yeah i know what's wrong with this country i know the trouble with this country is too what it's grandma oh oh mrs grundy aaron lives in blickhouse what are you talking about number 10 downing street yeah yeah bloody what are you talking about yeah grandma i'm sitting up there doing her nasty little bits and pieces because the miners have dragged their dirty nasty wage claims all the way through a nice tidy little economy you make me sick hey yes you do i mean you really do think that women are second-rate citizens you don't do you think that any man who is childish and spiteful and behaves in a nasty evil freakish badly brought up off with his way you say that there are no girls or old women yes you do i mean if you ask me he's smaller a little boy than a little woman yes it is a little boy who won't let anyone else play football because it is born [Music] everyone everyone wants to get back on the job everyone leaders of industry everyone and everyone wants to pay the minus but ol fatso won't no no he wow he makes me sick every time i see him on there with his great porky face wobbling with fat yes he looks at that other one that other fatty cyril smith mp have you seen them well you think they'd make themselves look decent before they go on their telly wouldn't you you think they go to one of those healthy those farms and did you see him with jimmy samuel the other day did you see him and they were eating those lamb chops with grease running down their faces smith and that lock oh he makes me sick and his old age pensioners starving to death we have to look at that spectacle makes me sick uh are you going out max boxing bees hey bees i got them for my rheumatism if you ask though rheumatism yeah well mrs coker was telling me but if you can get them to sting your rheumatism it cures it you bloody silly mood like a stuff you're red full of any old darf rabbits kane are you gonna get them bees to sting your rheumatism i don't know yet i don't know where your rheumatism is do they but i do oh look don't you let him out don't you let him out of this room while i'm here that's all bloody please around the bloody bend she is please i lost me frank now that looks me bloody friends but you were saying that the trouble with this country bobby don't be successful what he's doing see for the first time he's going to put the economy to country right that's what he's doing right nice mate he's brought into a stance no that's strange there's still a marking time and marching on a spot in order they can create some unemployment that's all yeah he's doing that all right isn't he certainly creating unemployment what he should have done it years ago it's the only way we can get prosperity in it goodness what is the only sensible thing he can do so well it don't sound very sensible to me well of course it wouldn't to you not you and your bloody beings look the only way we can have a proper and lasting prosperity scene is by having millions of unemployed see when you've got thousands queuing up begging for work go down on our hands and knees for it then you put an empty strike of course a few months ago and without few months and no food in the ladder see a few months and a half a few months nobody allowed on a dole at all all good places and when there's ten men for every job seat yes that might be a bit of bloody sense in our heads right right and they won't be really no bloody militants stand mate no because they'll all be crying out for work and then and only then we might get a bit of bloody prosperity yeah don't mind about what happens lisa that's how they used to do it in a good old days mate oh i love that program yeah in the good old days when it was plundering the empire and using cheap labor abroad they didn't need the working class in those days did they ah no no except to fight their wars we're not talking about bloody blood listen bloody tourists they send their kids they're eating an arrow and then they think the rest of the world owes them a little bit i'll tell you something in the good old days they didn't even pay their taylor's bills then you know that don't you well i'll tell you what it's got to do with it you know i don't you know what it is all right i'll tell you now that adds have been taken over what's gonna happen to their cliff customers then hey think on that what's gonna happen to the credit customers now that boots have taken them over because i'll tell you why boots is used to dealing with the poor people aren't they and poor people make pay cash on the bloody nail all right but you two oh yeah but you tories your tories make it a mark of quality not even to pay the grossest bills don't don't you dad don't you talk about how he money i mean because you ain't even paid the money you owe the bloody telephone he owes me money too oh they too and i'll tell you something else just what example what see when a rich father yes when a rich man owes to grow some money he worry because he knows he's going to get it eventually sure but if i bloody gross around here give credit make my world kiss his bloody shot goodbye tell you something about it the people around here pay cash makers they got pride they yeah pride you wouldn't even know what the bloody name means they don't want to be beholden to nobody talk to my wife away with credit and i apologize down this road base there wouldn't be a bloody chair left to sit on in the old street yeah look what yeah throw them yeah you can't answer them all right and what are you what was you going on before then what was all that bloody dietary what's all that about fat people then hey and fat people they can't help being fat can i means some of our greatest leaders is fact all rich people are fat she ain't rich bloody farmy she is when you leave stop tormenting them go for you in a minute well i don't know four where's my period one two three four marvelously good i wanted that i shall buy that oh i wanted that oh it's oh look at it you can't leave it yeah i've got the other two brown ones i wanted that one oh not my dear daddy's got it anyway daddy can pay for it i've bloody paid for it in the background oh i swapped houston road for it i don't want that rubbish up houston road thank you very much all that blood i always had a bit of class to it marlborough street here oh it's good property houston road now since your speculators moved in and the council you've got tens television up there now and high-rise blocks are flat you could do some gazomping up there you're a bit informed in chat on the kelly yeah the tower that bloody telling it it's too many people getting too well bloody informed if you ask me much of that going on that's what bloody bbc yeah look what i've got government falls general election and labor return with a huge majority all land and property developers nationalize and all their ill-gotten gains taken off i swear as i'm seeing it i've never played this bloody game you down a minute get your bloody red mick hands down yeah well you'd catch me wouldn't you hey because i'd need three times what the mine is went before i didn't even go near the pit let alone down there well if you was if he was in the army sonny you refuse an order you that would be treason you could be shot and a bloody good job at all i'll be there sorry about it i tell you what if he does put the troops down the mine i bet you most of them would want to buy themselves oh god blindly most of them are going to be an ocean down the bloody pitch mate yeah it's a pity it's a pl audi nope ain't charged here we go yeah he'd have the solution don't worry about it yeah very good he put a coons down a pizza only trouble is they'd all be bashing into each other in the dark [Applause] ah that's a fact didn't it what's the point that's why they're wearing all that war paint in it i don't see each other in a dark see no suppose i suppose if he did put a coos down a piece he could always wipe he could always whitewash their faces [Music] what is wrong with this set uh we can't get a photo mate [Applause] magic black magic i bet you never thought when you bought the set you will have to call a native out of the jungle to repair it for you fair enough thanks very much do you want a cup of tea sambal i don't no thank you three pounds please three pounds you and i leave that enough in there well it's a matter of knowing where to rub the rabbit's foot in it a l you shot your face [Laughter] thank you oh if you want me again just beat the drums eh many of them give you a happy new year bloody [ __ ] that's your workers for your bloody working class he's selling for nothing all the time i bet you i'll bet you he's undone a bloody night in there so he can call back again next week i meant him you've gotten this actually you shut up listen there's a bloody [ __ ] there mate it gets frequent for less than minutes work well and there's english people down a coal mine digging coal to keep him warm that's why i'm against i mean i'll be ain't working on a face-free is he what are you bloody doing i'll appear in the ball oh that's it a bloody blackfall now look what he's done he's gone infused all the bloody lights out any marvel say there oh that's the trouble see he's a power cop right yeah yeah all the street lights are out everything got a minute bloody fair in it bloody fair eh where's the candles oh what i know look you bought candles didn't you you bought candles for the power cup i know well i said put them somewhere safe put somewhere we can find them put something can go straight to him i did well where are they i'm trying to think only fair i bloody women good well if you kept quiet i could think better well have you got a torch yes but where is it then with the candle is it the sideboard mum eh i don't know rita i'll put them somewhere i know that i thought at the time i thought now they'll be safe there and i'll be able to put my hand on them they're not up high because i thought well i won't want to climb about in the dark i don't know they're not upstairs or are they yes i might have put them in my bedroom cabinet yes i might put them there in case i had to get out of bed in the dark i'll go stop it i've got some night lights up there no have you got some matches no wait a minute there's some matches here somewhere there we go hurry up with that beating fire i'm doing the best i can aren't i well then the wood's done coal's down two and a half well it's been out there a long time mike i mean we're lucky to have that fitter coal really i can't think when we last had a far in that great not since the last power cut two or three years god fighting he's swelling up more i can feel it here stop moaning it's getting worse a lot of the dangerous things beasties you know oh well i'm gonna stop your adrenaline in it you're all right if you were gonna die you'd be dead ages ago yeah then we can have rabbit stew look at that look i can't make a fish without iron anymore i've lost a power of that now that'll be all right when it sees a glass anyway you shouldn't have let them bees loose i mean them stinks were for me they was they was for my rheumatism now you've gone and wasted why do you them them lose your bloody silly oh oh my tongue is swelling up now god that's what i've been a peace and quiet oh what is it a cat so been on the coal i'm going for a bed i am i'll bring up some letters later uh oh [Laughter] man what time is it five o'clock what have you got there well i got some kippers oh good i like a nice keeper how do i okay i wanna cook em then come why not there's a power cut oh gosh didn't it fair iron it bloody fair oh god ah sitting in the dark there's about cart yeah see a lot of those now i suppose yep oh well for calling yeah well there's a bit left out there i think um dear couldn't you like cook it in front of a fire you know on a fault i know you don't have to wait till the power's back cool i just don't know what elite's on about i only have enough fire in one room can't plan he's a bit hard touching it yeah i mean what kind of people does he think we are most of us have only got one room and those those of us who've got more than one can only afford to have a fire in one of them at any time right going on the same about the credit too aren't they no more credit don't know how he expects us to work a three day week without credit we ain't talking about that sort of credit not tick credit i don't mean on the slate credit it means i apologize no more i purchased shouldn't think they'd be able to afford any more than a three-day week i mean i shouldn't think they'd be able to pay what they've got well it's gonna whip them out across the road in it oh and bloody mix and moonies and make the living out of it don't they i mean it's no sewer in the front doors out the back door down the pawn shop in it because they have them up in court you know magistrate says can you afford to pay all for sure in a week yeah she says in the show she dies for a week she's been evicted so many times they're about to paint her furniture great to go with a pavement [Music] bloody people like that drag this country down well she hasn't got husband poor woman i don't know perhaps she's better off poor woman blimey fool when her husband died she caught the insurance she struck over the booze and she didn't come out till she spent a bloody lot he'd still be lying there now if the council hadn't put him down [Music] i thought you said there was a parker when he got the lights on across the road all right street lights are on two more yeah street lights are on shelly's working so now [Laughter] [Music] you bloody silly man it was the bowl we've been sat here in the dark no bloody tea and it was bubble all the time what are you laughing at you going bloody scene all you are going to actually on god your city right could not be quick bloody fool i'll tell you one thing when you die i'll get the insurance and i'll go up the pub and stay there till it's spent and the council can put you down too and i won't want them to tell me where neither [Music] it's a power cut now and it serves you archer pig [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] me [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] yes we are hello where she got it uh mike are you out [Music] bloody hell [Music] oh you're in then i mean she'd give me the key young rita told me to let myself in she's gone out really it's all right no need to worry she asked me to pop in and look out for you well i said i would you said do a good one you get out the house for a bit that mrs smith she's got the youngster and i said i'd watch out for you where's she going she's got like the pictures she has erin like all right for some of you other pictures what about my dinner it's all right she's left you some tins teens teasing it bloody fairy i'm out of work all bloody day long slogging my bleeding guts out she's all five pictures i mean she's supposed to be looking after me she is that's why i let the other one a silly move got australia and she and hardly got there yet when this one little madam she's pissed all five pictures i mean a lot to ask is he just made me bloody dinner at night that's all you want some dinner vendors of course i bloody do also want some dinner well all right mr garnet just you sit down there sit down i'll go and open these then before you said she asked you look after me if she did she did she asked me if i'd cook you a bit and i said i didn't mum well i don't i mean if you can't help a neighbor and i was gonna be cooking for my birth anyway oh well thanks very much honey i thought you said no i'm making my berta meat pudding seeds i thought myself well i thought i've got a big basin i only need a bit more dough because i've got plenty of meat see i hope it's a bigger because i'm bloody starving and of course you are you must be out at work all day well i'll get on then yeah right um uh do you know where she keeps the opener what owner the tino no for these what about the puddin you said she's making oh yes we like to go out see then this man called well i don't want bloody things well it was late when he left see so i thought myself well i won't bother with the pudding now see because they're going to come in they're bound to be late they're bound to be hungry they don't want to sit there waiting for no pudding to cook so then i thought myself well i thought the fish and chip shops andy i thought what about a nice bit of cotton chips you know double l pins i know my bird likes fish and chips and i didn't think you'd eject and up there in that new shop he's ever so good he is well i mean even the batter is good no more man only of course i had to forget he shuts ernie on wednesdays it's tuesday hey today is tuesday is he oh dear i wish i'd known still never mind this would be very nice this is ravioli or continent clay imagine you're in the south of france and that's um that's continental barley soup kosher they look after you don't i i've got something for you here as well i'd be bloody head all wet now it's a lovely smell in it where is it it's um antiperspirant batman left it here for us free but he says would you mind filling up this form and he'll call back for it tomorrow it's ever so good that stuff is i've tried it on my burt and it even works on him and you know what black's got that's not b.o i mean b.o you can live with but what my birth but i mean it's not as if he is a dirty man but i suppose it's like when you ain't got no bathroom you see well it like it it well it's for his social life don't you i mean you get on a bus with him and no one wants to sit beside you look not even roundies i don't look the only odors what i'm interested in is the odors of cooking well yes but if i could only find the tin open there well what's your bar abby well he's moaning in there i've told him if he likes to wait i will cut the pudding for him so i suppose what he'll do he'll have a wash then he'll give himself another bit of a spray with this and he'll go off at the pub for a while yeah i might do that at all whatever spray are these no no i've got a pub wait for the pudding see oh my god i don't need no sprayer there i mean that's only for people with you know i mean i mean we ain't got no baths see but yeah that don't smell what your bird's got i mean yeah you can't mention it i mean see i i don't mind it because well i know him and you know i make allowances well he's a mate any but i mean i can understand people not wanting to sit next to him on a bus yeah and this stuff sort of clearly up as you can see well it's a lovely smell in it i mean if you was to smell that and you didn't know who it was you could imagine say you was to like get a whiff of it and you didn't look round to see who it was well i mean you could imagine what a sort of light afro desire act to you is it i can't hardly wait for tonight spray him with that and close my eyes you smell like clark gables wow no no that's only for people with you know i mean i don't most people do some yeah or something but with others it's uh i mean i mean that's see that that's just like ordinary human odor days we don't smell see i mean it's bloody good stuff and then what do you know i might have a squirt of it later but i don't need it see this well before you go up the path rubbing all the mermaids mad would you be so kind just to fill up this form yeah but what about my pudding no well the man's coming in for it in the morning you see and i said i'd have it ready for him look i filled in all the first part i ever put your name and your address and all that but it's it's just these questions here oh yes now it says here what in your view is the advantages of um area soul that's that well i've told you i don't bloody knead it yes now then over here it's all about the telly do you watch the rtv or bbc well don't watch the bbc the cause of all your violence they hold all that bloody feel for theirs how often do you watch telly seven days a week six days a week five days a week um uh about seven days a week seven that's all that's the same as we are not avid how many hours do you watch what do you mean how many hours that bloody daft question that isn't it hey i mean that's the reason i got no pudding yet in it i mean if it's on i'll watch it till i got a pub there's nothing worth watching anyway is there knowing the bloody rubbish of course if she was here she'd have it on then she'd watch any bloody rubbish she will if she's here yet in australia oh must be been gone a week nearly well it's a long way though isn't it i mean it's right around the other side doesn't it i mean it's like right underneath yeah standing up here for that myself i'll put you down the same as us again not avid what's happy and did you know abby's um having telly fans we're not that i mean mother and me we will watch yes but most of the time we don't even like it look he's always threatening to turn it off he is yeah he comes in he says to me turn that thing off he says i'm saying no i said no you want it off you can turn it off yourself you're the one who wants it you'll get out and put it off all right somebody bloody turn you off no just give me that bloody form i mean staff didn't it i mean if they want to know what sort of dual deodorants you use i mean would why they ask you how much telly you watch bloody stick just a minute just a minute look this this form is supposed to be filled up by a woman not a man oh no well all right then i'll ask you the bloody questions all right go on there right now question four do you [Laughter] do you prefer roll on door doodorance oh ours awesome awesome also sprites definitely sprays because rubble wrongs is sticky and i've got time to stand there all morning with my arms up waiting for it to work it's very nice the man won't come here yet yeah don't mind that look there's the next question do you have any of the following in your house i'm doing the questions nail varnish air spray bar foil ain't got no bulk ball fashions cubes yes i've got oxide cubes for the bother with all that bloody rubbish you just get on and make the pudding no i suppose this stuff could improve your burt a bit though couldn't it it might might do a bitter good but i mean he's not the cleanest nor tardiest of people and the washing do you know he has two shirts every week and he still expects a clean one on sundays you want to give him a squatter this before he goes off to work i'll say to him i'll say if he was any kind of a man if he was anything at all i'd say if you was any kind of a man you get yourself a decent job i'd say something with a bit of respect in it at least something where at least you can get through the week with one shirt and not have me keep on washing i mean all this change and it makes it very hard on me i'll say to him that mr bird don't mean that mr briggs who lives down there road i say he gets right through the week with the same shirt and he still has it clean on sundays well you see the railway supplies him with the uniform so that only the collar shows but with my bird it's the sweat it he will sweat you see and it's the sweat what like spreads the dirt you've got a sweat didn't you but not like my bert does he don't sweat like a normal purse he has those big damp patches sweaty stain damn pizza well what can't he contain the inside i'll tell you sonic the people who make all this stuff talking about our work soon and that's the trouble of the country today in it it's not enough people preparing to sweat no more not with darling hour and he's molly coddling all over the place i'll tell you what i'll go down a pub and you get on with a pudding and i'll wait down there until it's ready how long do you think it'll be don't look to know what time they shut up there shut up i don't want to sit in a bunk till closing time like with a bloody pudding i'm starving i am teams haven't you teens i don't want your bloody teens i told you don't you speak to me like that mr garnet it isn't my fault if your wife's gone and left you look it's all very well heirs and gracies and we're off to australia and the other one but the pictures but it isn't fair on me i've got enough to do in my own house meat puddings indeed i'm not making no meat puddings this time of night if you want me puddings you want to ask them as he's supposed to make meat puddings for you if you want me puddings you want to get her back from australia and that i make meat puddings for you not me i've got quite enough to do in my own house you're supposed to be bloody we're looking after me and jeff i said i didn't mind opening a few tins but not with that attitude with that attitude you can open them yourself bloody women [Music] hello oh you smell nice handsome cool what do you want no no goodness okay what are you having oh i'll tell you what i've been fancy and dropping that black label i'll have a pointless yeah i'll have one and all right well i i can't drink that without something to wash it down with i've gotta have a chaser yes thanks cheers remember that time when your wife went away and i said you you'll come in whenever you want right no yeah didn't i say to you you know treat your ass as your own come in whenever you like make it yours except meal times well it must been some misunderstanding because i mean you was always very welcome you know yeah well perhaps i got the wrong impression yeah yeah she did seem to say she did seem to say you can have a cup of tea once that's what she said for they are then they are see yeah for me i need the reason i brought it up now see is cause like your missus is supposed to be looking after me see well i shouldn't rely too much on that elf i mean oh i'm my husband i'll keep her she don't even look after me it's just i mean she's she's like making us a meat pudding seed yeah well you're laughing yeah she makes a good meat pudding as it happens oh yeah but oh i tell you what i'm ready for my supper you know if you can't get a good woman you've got to get yourself good food right agree with you definitely see thing is we had words like you know what's nothing you know it's just and she said i can't have none of the pudding oh well i don't suppose you'll be coming down then well no i thought you know if you could say something you know if you would like or well i i'll apologize i was nothing felt on my side until a day yeah now well i would like to help you out yeah no i thought you know if you could say you know if he was to tell her you know category like you know now after pudding is is mr garnish yeah well if she's in one of them moods help and i was to say well she'll only now i'll better say nothing all right oh she was going out of pictures nah rita hadn't got any money get out of it works bankless she's not managing very well since my left no she ain't now the money just seems to be running away i mean most morning so you spilled a swag a few bob off her before she went to work hey before my left simon he's been able to get a few bob off marts you know i suppose you could uh bung us a few bob could you no i bloody pudding is couldn't cooking back only no no we got fish and chips yeah she's warming them up in the oven but a lot i tell you all misses from me she a stuff up late and pudding she didn't get any for you ah we thought birds misses was looking after you [Applause] good luck help uh [Laughter] how are you gonna find right yeah that off you can't follow you can't bloody phone australia what's your cat you forgot the floor and dying anywhere in the world now yeah off you've been to watching too many bloody films you have mate for your information there's parts of that australia what is known as your bloody bush where man i ain't even say foot yet yeah well maybe but mummy there is she she's in sydney it's a big town oh yeah yes it is it's like london it's got streets and shops yeah old street where we know it's got streets and shops i mean everywhere's got streets and shops in it even your jungle's got bloody streets and shops don't make them civilized do it yeah well they are in australia what civilized civilized with all them other reginald's girls i don't sound very civilized mate do it bloody great spiders and sharks running about all over the place well look are you gonna phone milo no you can't just phone to australia like that you've got a bucket phone happens you haven't converted all the papers you can just pick up the phone on thailand you don't want to believe everything you read in the papers mate particularly ones you buy oh harry potter's comic cuts there what do you think they doing and keep all them lines open just so anyone can ring australia when their bloody will feel like it get all part of it oh man listen people are falling in australia all the time i say when she was here when that silly move was there she could see her all bloody night and you wouldn't say a word to her and now just cause she's out in australia other side of bloody world he wants to talk to her don't you want to yeah it's also i mean see some bloody silly terry you don't do you yes i do i do oh you can say hello and uh are you all right did you get there all right you can tell her how much you're missing her and ask her if she's missing you i think she's gonna be knocked out if she hears our voices imagine imagine our voices all over the world my voice in bahrain and marrakech yeah well i don't want my bloody voice out there thank you very much how much it cost a phone australia anyway ah about found a minute yeah a pound of me who gets that hustle and bloody aussies we all chip him you are all right but only one minute back right i'll set my watch on him no well my watch keeps bloody good time it does will you get your feet off the bloody furniture let's move up a bit right give us that number reek can i do it no you can't want me to do it no i've got the watch go i've got the watch and i and if i've got the phone and all i can shut down right on time can i i don't trust them aussies you said i'm on pause it isn't the first test bloody crooks all right don't hurry me wait a minute well let's say 10 then yes all right say 10 10 o'clock that's right neither do i stand about waiting it might be raining it might be raining yeah listen why don't you tell her where you're gonna meet her hurry up see because i am waiting make a phone call we've got someone on our line no they're my line my line you're on my line we were talking and you come on to our no point of information my dear you was talking you come on my line oh we were talking and you've come on no no i picked up my phone oh come on will you shut up no you shut up no i'm bloody talking to you you're on my line well will you put your phone down no i won't you put your phone down come on tell them about it tell them what it's about oh you want to shut your mouth and give somebody else a bloody child don't you use that language to be oh use any bloody language i want to you missy because i am talking on my phone in my home and i'm trying to phone my wife in australia and i am on my own phone too and are you when you want to put the bloody thing down and give somebody else a chance to use their phone don't you i shall sit here and i won't budge till you get off your boat bloody we'll see there they're gone and i'll see here and all right ah dad come on no i'm not giving in to her i've got as much right as my phone and she has to use her why don't you hang i'm not an airline sonny she's on my bloody line hey mrs you tell your friend where you want to meet her and clear all part of me here please she's cool great hello he's still there ethel yes i know look if you don't get off i'll tell the operator tell him and bloody tell him and i'll tell him at all because you are obstructing my line and i can't call you bloody full shut up [Music] number please oh uh could you get a sydney australia hello [Music] just a minute good day you're the lady from england ain't you yes that's right yeah you have a nice trip oh yes i flew over yeah what's it like back then it's not as sunny as it is here black on me yeah taking over half hour street they have oh i don't mind them not once downhouse street let me speak to that just give it to me it's my bloody phone no in a minute that's my sister morde who lives here i came over to look after him i see did you not consider that oh that's nice duty-free i got relations living in barnsley you know have you we haven't got anyone living there all my relations live here in australia can you bloody hear me send yes [Music] look this cost me four quid days no benny phone australians [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] so [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] yes [Music] [Applause] [Music] yes [Laughter] lovely you can't get any bloody legs off get out we'll take his back and tell him to come with a bloody little give it me it's no good give it to you is if i can't get a bloody lid off i'm sure you can't just have to use your intelligence that's solved i'll get a bloody fork in now no keep bloody well flowing a bloody mess there go look huh wow didn't used to be like this when you bought pickles did it stop god's through look well i can't get them done bloody thing i miss all very well then using their fancy machines to pack the bloody things in there and only things we gotta get our fancy machine to get the lid off before we go bloody we'll eat them no oh no dirty yeah oh i can't get me bloody handy i've got to get a mark somehow a knife all right miss cleverdick you shot the bow way to get them out go on i don't want to know you've had your hands enough hands and we was made with hands wasn't we we had hands before we had knives and forks even yeah well just because you're an animal doesn't mean so you gotta eat that one no i'm an animal animal no i'd put my hand in it get a bloody onion out because you can get them out with a bloody fork don't mind about poo nevermind about poo go follow me out there's nothing on my hands got to poison you is the only hand i've put in here oh blimey i think there's been a few hands around them bloody onions before they put them in the jar god soup and we think that where their ants have been then bloody girls had a pickle factory poor boy me you start thinking about that too much you never eat another pickle as long as you live why not i i i stopped eating golden syrup because i worked in a factory for a week once i saw i was made yeah yeah look at him look at him he's taking him out with his bloody hands and put him on my plate look you take them back i don't want them you take them back i've got them up for you well i'll get my own bloody onions house thank you very much why do you talk about the color of my ends look at these they're not dirty no but i was before you washed them in the bloody pickle jar weren't they funny like red meat don't you better watch them when i come in look get out of it look at that well don't fly me not my fault it's a bloody pickle fort would it well one of the countries going to the dogs can't even get a jar of pickles you're gonna open no more one well it stinks you can have it downstairs yeah it smells soft you're pulling a bloody wet in front of me now you're worse than a baby you are you made the wet did i well i don't bloody wander oh my god oh my god move it around again what's wrong with you move that out of the way that's without a fat on it didn't you yeah greedy oh [Laughter] you don't mind me sitting here do you up i'm now not speaking to her it's not he who's not speaking to me it's me who's not speaking to him what's the math he knows what's the matter he's made your pieces anyway so you can keep your long rounds out of it i'm saying if i had my time over again i wouldn't walk down the aisle with none of them all their performing stuff in yourselves you are going to touch them and you're too tired i didn't marry him just to be a cook i could have got a job as a cook is tells me man [Laughter] she's a bit upset she won't go to her mother no no she got off up the street you start to remember what her mother's like and she'll come back i'm better too than what her mother is it's all this you know well you come out and work i mean you had all day well i mean i'm not as young as what well i mean sundays it's all right for all of them you know you know i mean etc i said i should not wait till sunday you know [Music] it's a pudding thank you love the don't you want it i'm still eating me dinner that's the thanks what you get you slave for them all day long you give them a dinner and a pudding there's not many men as gets a pudding every night at least why's not round this way there's not many of them gets a dinner every night round this way no right but you give him his pudding you're cooking miss pudding and then he don't want it i love it no just let me finish this it's andy that well keeping it tapped like that my father had a dog he used to wipe his hands on we don't have a tablecloth do we love him no i can see why what was wrong with that nothing there was nice club but don't say thank you will you oh thank you do you want to chill no i wouldn't sit in the same room with you it yeah it's marvelous well it's the last you'll get off me i'm going to me mothers now oh give them all up when i think of how i'll kept myself for you i wish i could go to australia like some people have a good time i bet she won't be an ari to get back and if i was you i'd emigrate out there with her no no no not rita raylor oh don't you start nothing you can't finish as far as i can see they're all the same well you have headaches well yes i do sometimes but when i ate you never seem to notice raspberry pie that is the raspberry pie is that pudding with custard i only make the custard for him because i know he likes it well i hope it chokes him i even take the pits out the raspberries i'll do so they don't get underneath his teeth think of him you can think of him all day long but he won't never think of me not once i'm nothing but a piece of furniture as far as he's concerned i'm worse he thinks more of his pigeons than what he does of me always wondering whether they're all right or not if one of them's the least little bit fretful he'll sit up all night with it while you can sleep with your pigeons tonight you can take them to bed with you i could get us an old i could a no no no no to be a no i know the rules i know what you've got to do to get an old no you ain't gotta do to get an old to get an old you've got [Laughter] look don't see your mother don't you tell me where to go oh when i think of how i've thrown away the best years of my life on him and he can sit and eat my pie he he's not too tired for that is he well if i'm going to be treated like a spencer i shall live like one i'm sorry about him though dragging all our troubles into you and spoiling your dinner how's your mother well she's fine thank you mrs reed god i'm glad to wear that cause she's a good woman she is and she deserves a bit of peace and some happiness too if she can get it i'm not one to pray you know me but well i like hear things through the wall so when you're writing to her would you give her my regards and and say to her that if she wants to write to me i should be at my mother's i'm looking forward to a bit of peace and happiness myself i'm sorry about him barging in here and giving you all this trouble but he's got no thought for others it's not in his nature good night and um i'll see myself out is she gone [Music] she's gone i can see i'm gonna have to put my foot down with her oh yes i saw it in the paper i thought about you up when i saw it you know you'll miss his being away well what rent a wife a girl alberta he records there's a place where he can rent a wife for them what kind of thought to buy their iris suppose yeah bye the way it talks well they do cost a lot i mean if i had married my men why there's no knowing what i might have been i was going to see you know when i met that got to see what [ __ ] hey you give up a lot didn't you no he's right i mean no there's no knowing what he might have been at sea of course i always got on well with the captain huh sit at his table did he no always spoke to me when he passed well if he didn't speak it not well that's a good life in it sailor yeah everything about boats you know you know roaming the world all duty free girl in every port blimey i bet they can't wait for you to arrive [Laughter] do you do you think you think she'll come back tonight well i don't know i'm going to bed tonight she's got her keys he knows where i live no but i mean if she ain't there for your breakfast i bought a cyc you know but i mean she's out of order and not being in your bed yeah it's a breakfast i'm thinking of that see with my with my elves i i've always satisfied her wishes oh yeah well i've done my duty oh so why so why yeah well we we ain't had no children but no you won't unless you like i suppose you know that [Laughter] well she wanted me to go and see the council council what about yeah the marriage council well i didn't want to go out to council i mean not to say we want a household for her anything what's the matter can't you you know i'm just trying to help him that's all he knocked me about here he must she's always looked after me and i say that never had much to talk about but i mean she does all the talking i'll just sit and listen on the main things you can't thought that things like cooking and cleaning well perhaps you could fold her on the cleaning yeah fought most of my neck yeah but you've got to give her give it her jew she's not bad about the house oh she keeps it sort of you know spotless well no not spotless you could pick those there i suppose but i mean she's not lazy once she starts she never seems able to finish though but it's too much for is it oh everything's too much for you only got to ask what's your shirt well i don't i just leave them out like when they're dirty when there's no more wearing them i'll leave him out where she might see him yeah well i saw a hint like i don't know whether it's her eyes but sometimes she she just high and someone puts them back in the drawer but well eyes and first oh yeah oh she'll always on them first she she never puts them back in that door without she hands them first got around it i mean she doesn't seem to mind the irony it's the washing she don't seem to like it because mine you know she's she ain't bad about the aston martin yeah yeah no but you know as you say you you as you say you can pick false you know yeah but you've got no bloody idea about bloody idea of housekeeping at all she's always on about money i told her the other day i said i can't i can't give you no more money or sick i can't break the social contract right she's not a bad cook though oh wow oh a lot of that i see what you had tonight after all and big platefuls and all and a pudding every night i think i'd like that hmm i think i'll see your mother about that when she gets back from australia okay i'll do that do a pudding yes it gives a good finish to a meal yeah know what kiss them busy don't mean you let you know what they say idol woman yeah no i mean they say that don't they you know they do well first off when you get married given a few kids keep them occupied i mean it's the fact you let us sit about doing nothing next thing they don't want to do anything they're awesome they've all dated ourselves cool well i don't think why they shouldn't rush about a bit at night right what are you talking about we're talking about marriage my we don't know why we do it do we no we don't you don't know why you do it i don't know why we do it but it's all right for you i mean for a woman it's that's a good job for a woman job it's a job with no prospects not marries a woman see a man employs a wife right yeah yes but you don't get the same conditions of labor as your order as your employer of industry yes is it that's true you look you take your employer see ordinary employer right he employs a man if that man that person employs ain't up to the job or maybe is you know a bit bit lazy don't know i don't think it would be bonaire right and in most of my own industries today just sack them right and they are bloody bone idol yeah wives no in industries that's why the country's in the bloody state you seem finally see a husband he employs a wife well if she doesn't turn out like he thought she would he can't sack her no because he can't oh any other employer he catches you leaning on his broom oh sitting in the box smoking right wait a sec all five get your cards if you caught your mini in the bog smoking you feel you want a sucker do you no no no i don't want a sacker well i mean a cookie i mean that's almost worth the money itself innit well you all would be able to but no but i want to be out of docker though for time off well take the moment like she's around a mother's now and she yeah she's not earning round there richie hey i mean i shouldn't have to be paying her but sitting around there that's right she couldn't do that if he was working for anyone else suppose she can leave if she wants to can she she can hand in her cards if she wants to come on be fair happy birthday different isn't it it's not not it's cost him a lot of money to train her happiness yeah i mean could blindly shoot pisses off has his investment going here right she's not an investment now she can get a divorce you know she can't get a divorce it's not fair to win no why god it can't cost him a lot of bloody money because he honest they're not some bloody judge might give her off his house and tell him he's got a support for the rest of the night good it might be out good oh cinnabon or ass not doing a handstand for him no i mean call blimey you in an ordinary firm see you get a sack there they don't support you they i mean you get a set mate they don't give off if you offer a factory and say to the governor you've got you've got to keep it for the rest of his life i know be fair you get unemployment benefit i've done you you know yeah all right all right then that wives are dead it's fair yeah let him have that oh look i see you look you take you take a big football club i mean that's about similar simply now right simply the word simply like a better assembly what that's what i meant similar a symbol that's it yeah similarly you know i lost me bloody fred now and i didn't about transfer i love football right football yeah right yeah big football right he's got a player there right here i suppose he's going off football player he's going off a bit see and he can't do his job for the club in the mall right i'll follow up go on the [ __ ] about that you wanna they don't sack him do they no don't suck him no they put him up for transfer you want you want to transfer your wife now do you well that club's gotta get back the money they laid out oh no no no he he he ain't satisfied with his wife no more right oh no i want you to just just argument's sake right and and he puts her up for transfer right i come along see and and i'm in the market say for a new one right oh god we talk over about the pros and the cons of it yeah you know i have a look at her form give her a medical check she said a bit but i had a bit of a dodgy chest lately to mrs with a medical she wouldn't pass with her chest it's so similar this is just a similar i'm talking look oh i see you're gonna fall off go enough go ahead go ahead oh i've got this wife of mine that i've got a disposal for first of all before i can enter into negotiations with you right right well i let i'll let you look her over you know see if he's interested let the dog see the rabbit right and then and then we might do a swap you know with just like a bit of cash changing hands yeah because you see like well my wife she might have a a better wardrobe than what his wife has got but he's trying to fight me off or she might have some other thing that he thinks is worth a few quid extra you know i'm not talking about that randy skarski i like like his wife his wife is a good cook that's true that's good so yeah i mean i mean if it was mummy it's if it was a family that i was trading in yeah because and i mean well you know we'd have to come at some arrangement about the cooking because you know see i would have the advantage there wouldn't i because i mean well you know mummy's cooking you couldn't very well put a value on it you know that'd be something i'd have to like play down a bit in the negotiations you know if i was mum i'd have put you up for transfer years ago you know when you leave a firm you know you get golden handshake yeah well the amount of firms you've left we should have been millionaires by now i can see why mum's gone to australia and while your minis around our mum's you've got your women's lead aren't you yeah don't we need it right men's lives look at him he's got a minor he's got a game tonight freezing cold house yeah cook his own breakfast yeah and his own dinner probably too right yeah and what's he done eh nothing apparently for years it would seem [Applause] well come out danny gonna get them in or not yeah oh but it's your turn and it's your turn ah come on get him going oh yeah yeah tell you what though we're talking about transfers i reckon you're west damn done well getting shot at bobby moore god blimey they've never played so well it's all about got shots they did a good good servant to the club he was in england obie but i mean he was getting a bit old you know i mean uh he had lost like a springer going out of his step when he ran out on the pitch i've granted that no no so they let him go to fulham where they do play a more elderly sort of game [Applause] [Music] filthy dress [Music] is [Applause] he can't get in ashley's bloody trouble now his wife [Applause] i think she fazes me [Music] [Music] but [Music] [Applause] how can you gonna turn me back you've got another woman in the page [Applause] oh [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] yes [Music] you

Channel: Louis Walkden

Views: 256,782

Keywords:

Id: oLA4dS1bYUo

Length: 91min 12sec (5472 seconds)

Published: Sat May 15 2021