Three Big Secrets Of A Happy Marriage

[Music] this morning it is a privilege to be with the kendall wood church family to be a part of your worship experience and this morning being in this place brings back memories about a month from now many many years ago michelle and i would walk down these aisles and we would be married in this very church and so many of us on this sabbath morning we have come through a very long and difficult week we need a word from the lord it has been a trying week many of my members have asked as i share this message on tuesday evening um pastor what's going on in the world as we look south of the border the election has garnered all of our attention the good news is that jesus is still sitting on the throne uh we've looked through the word of god and the word of god declares that rulers have come and gone but god's kingdom keeps marching on and so this morning we want to recognize that we have been prophetically guided we need not worry about the latest government that will come in or or the ruler nothing happens unless god allows it and so this morning we will gain comfort by spending time in the word this morning i have decided that i would share a message that i have been sharing with my church over the last uh uh of three weeks you see about four months ago i trained my elders so that they could lead out an evangelism and i'm sharing the leading message for a four-week series that has been shared by the elders at college park church the series has been called the heart and the home family series and so my elders four nights a week have come out to the church we've been putting this you can find this online at youtube or at facebook we've had a series called the heart and home we realized that during the pandemic um homes are being challenged people are stressed and so we needed a word from the lord about 25 years ago this series was actually shared at kendall wood's seventh-day adventist church years ago when i when as i was a young pastor coming to this church i found found a church that the media mage was very old it was a senior citizen church and so we decided that we would put families and make families our priority we realized that we had sabbath school divisions that children weren't in we realized that there was no such thing as a pathfinder club an adventurer club ey or choirs and so we decided that we would build a church through the family unit and so by god's grace after spending time here the miracle was we were able to double our membership we were able to add on to the church and we were able to bring in adventurers and pathfinders and ay and i believe that every church every growing church needs children every growing church needs a family and so i pray that as you look to the future i know that you are in the midst in transition looking for a pastor to come and lead your congregation and i pray that you will put value in building a church through the family unit and so with that said i'd like to share a message this morning three big secrets of a happy family it is the first message in a series of 17 you're able to watch it online and i would encourage you if you have some spare time if your family is in crisis if you're going through trouble i believe that this series will transform your personal family unit so before we get into the word of god let's take a minute to pray father in heaven we come this morning recognizing our great need but in addition to recognizing our great need lord we we recognize and do we declare that you've been faithful this week and so as we open up your love letter to mankind the word of god we pray that you will speak through it take me lord under complete and full control and use me as your mouth piece this morning bless the time that we spend in your word in jesus name we pray amen amen as i said before many moons ago on a sabbath evening as the sun went down michelle would enter those doors and walk this aisle and i would be waiting a beautiful wedding ceremony was in progress suddenly laughter erupted from the congregants what was going on you see the bride and the groom they had spent a lot of money making sure that no stone was unturned the decoration was in place the photographer the videographer were here the sound checks had taken place but as the groom knelt down to pray so that they would be blessed the congregation quickly saw some mischievous uh best man a mischievous best man had taped under the shoes of the groom the words help and as he knelt down for that prayer all the congregation could see the word help i want to tell you this morning church that marriage needs help marriage is in crisis and this morning i want to talk about the happy family the happy family you see marriage is in trouble in this country in fact the clear way clearway law firm declared the following the most common reasons for marriages breaking down and they say for every 10 marriages that will happen in this country four will dissolve four will dissolve that's 40 percent clearway law firm declared that the four main reasons for marriages dissolving in this country number one extramarital affairs we call that adultery in the word of god physical and mental cruelty we call that abuse financial issues the burden of too much month and not enough money and unfulfilled expectations where people said uh uh you didn't act like that when we were dating you see dating is different from marriage and so there are expectations that you will live your life as a dating couple but marriage changes things in fact many of us remember as we go back in time those beautiful vows that we uttered in the sight of god i take you to be my wedded wife or husband to have and to hold from this day forward for better for worse for richer for poorer in sickness and in health to love you and to cherish you till death do us part according to god's holy law and this is my promise but one person after uttering those vows a few months later said the following when i got married i was looking for the ideal then it became an ordeal and now i want a new deal you see after every wedding there comes a marriage after every wedding there comes a marriage and marriage is in trouble in fact one quick look through the local newspapers in durham region you will find that it is so easy so easy to find a lawyer who will be willing to get you a divorce in a matter of months what took years to develop can be dissolved in a short period of time looking through the local oshawa this week there's one family one law firm that says our mission is your success and their mission is to dissolve your marriage and so if things are not going right people are saying i want out i've had enough the word of god has helped for those that are struggling and i believe in the kendall wood church family there may be those that are on the verge of breaking up and i'm saying hold on and let god's word be your guide this morning and so this morning in the midst of this pandemic i believe there is good news that god's word has a blueprint for marriage how we can stay together and jesus shared that blueprint he shared that blueprint in his statement on love in three dimensions he shared this statement of love in three dimensions and i would invite you to turn in your bibles i know you're home and just because you're home and and you're sipping on that that that that hot drink you're sitting on your couch have mercy some of you might still be in bed but i'm asking you to get god's word open it up for in matthew chapter i'm looking in matthew chapter 22 verses 37 to 39. there here is a statement of jesus on marriage in three dimensions jesus says he has been tested they have come to him teacher which is the greatest commandment and jesus will respond in verse 37 jesus replied love the lord your god with all of your heart with all of your soul with all of your mind this is the first and greatest commandment and the second is like this love your neighbor as yourself in this statement in these two verses we have jesus a statement on love in three dimensions it is self-love it is sacrificial love and it is the greatest love and we will unpack that this morning as we go into that statement but jesus love uh uh in three dimensions is so profound for you see when we are aware of self when we are aware of self we're humble and we're not proud uh you see when we are self engaged with self we are disciplined and not indulgent when we are aware of those that are around us we are disciplined we are compassionate pardon me and we're not insensitive when we are engaged with others we serve without manipulating and when we are aware of god we remember and we don't forget when we are engaged with god we are faithful and not fearful you know we have lived by a mantra at my church and that is that we choose to we choose faith over fear we choose faith over fear and so this morning uh god this statement on love in three dimensions is so powerful because it interacts it leads us in our interaction with others it directs us in how we are to engage with others with ourselves and more importantly with god our maker god our maker and so let's go into this first statement first statement of self-love and some would think that this would be inappropriate but self-love what does this mean self-love you see jesus did not make a mistake when he shared that you must love yourself what does that mean what does that mean uh if i am bankrupt bankrupt of self-esteem how can i enrich someone else in a marriage if i'm not finding myself worthy how will i ever be a worthy marriage partner a successful marriage does not start with finding the right person but being the right person so the first secret of a happy marriage is to love yourself but there are those who are tempted with this very point they suffer from low self-esteem they feel unworthy they feel like they bring nothing to the table and if if you find yourself this morning uh struggling personally with self-worth god's word has five directives that can help get you out of your funk if you go into god's word david david himself said when tempted david cries out in psalm 43 verse 5 and he says the following why are you cast down o my soul and why are you disquieted within me in in this morning what lies have you been listening to what lies does the devil keep putting into your mind that you believe that there is a belief that we must listen to god and not our feelings there are many people that live their christian experience by what they feel we must be god we go beyond our feelings and emotions to the fact that god loves us has a plan and a purpose for us and and the psalmist says oh my soul why are you cast down and why are you disquieted within me we must stop listening to the lies the lies that that have been thrown at us all of our life that we're not good enough god said that you're good enough he died for you it brings us to our second point our second point that we must stop listening to the lies whenever you're tempted to develop thoughts of low self-worth we must remember paul in the philippians writing to the philippians and it says uh this one thing i do forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead i press forward we must deal with our past but we must not dwell in it it was in this very church that i worked with an individual who had suffered years of abuse in their personal family unit and was having a hard time getting through it and there are some things that that that we wrestle with that we have to take to jesus but there are some things brothers and sisters and it's okay to go see a counselor it's okay to go get some help and to unpack some of the damage that has happened in our lives we've got to deal with our past but we can't be stuck in it in other words get the help but god says we've got to move on we've got to press on leaving those things that are behind we must press on toward the goal and so we've got to continue pressing on putting your past to rest you can't change your past but you can change your future put it to rest and going on you must identify your strengths identify your strengths in exodus chapter 4. moses was commissioned to go back into to bring his people the israelites out of bondage in exodus chapter four uh moses puts up starting in chapter three a list a list of reasons why he is disqualified for service disqualified for service he begins to list them off one by one and god says i am sending you to pharaoh because i want you to bring my people out and moses starts listing a series of excuses that he believes disqualifies him as god's choice he says i'm inadequate and begins to self-belittle him himself i'm i'm no good i can't do it who am i uh he moves from in inadequacy and self belittlement to to ignorance and empty headed lord i i can't say anything uh and even though he was schooled in the best schools of egypt goes on to say i i'm skeptical and unbelieving i'm inarticulate and i'm wordless and god says i will put my words in your mouth and then he declares i'm insubordinate and defiant i will not go and then god gives him one answer what is in your hand what is in your hand you see god has given all of us talents and abilities in fact i've met people in in church that say i can't do anything god has not given me a gift when we say that we make god a liar and a marker for god says that when we accept christ he gives us spiritual gifts so that the church will be edified so don't come to church say pastor i can't do anything i i i listen if you can't do anything then stop making noise put a piece of duct tape across your mouth and use your hands and feet to go on god's errands and to do his biddings because the last thing we want to do is make god a liar because god is not a liar he gives everybody philippians chapter 4 verse 13 says i can do some things no it says i can do all things through christ who gives me strength i can do all things through christ who gives me strength and so we need to identify where our weaknesses are and we need to work on them and to develop them we need to put a list of our strengths are you good at this you know there was a lady related to rest a few years ago in this church her name was ernestine kraminsky ernestine all she did was stand at the top of the foyer and she gave the best hug and the best smile on every sabbath when people came to church you'd never find ernestine preaching a sermon you'd never find ernestine leading a bible study uh you'd never lead her a finder leading the prayer team but ernestine did one thing and she did it well she knew how to welcome people into god's house god has blessed all of us with abilities and we must think and talk positively i can do all things somebody told me a long time ago that i'm no good but god says oh yes you are you are good enough and so we must take god at his word and so we must recognize that we are unique and we are special each and every one of us as i look at this i am mindful i'm mindful of two illustrations that remind us that we are unique you know it was monday morning and i opened up the door and i looked out and i said have mercy winter has come winter has come and there on my driveway was snow all over the place do you know it is thought that about a septillion snowflakes fall on earth each year a septillion is one followed by 24 zeros how are they formed a snowflake starts when a cold drop of water less than 32 degrees freezes into a tiny piece of pollen or dust particle in the sky this ice crystal then falls to the ground and its shape changes and grows as it falls there are three things that are needed to make a snowflake unique its path that it takes to earth the temperature and the levels of moisture that it will encounter as it falls to earth let me tell you each and every one of us are unique of the 8 billion people on the planet we are unique that's why they have a thing called dna thank god we are unique for some of us we'd be set free because of dna we are unique we all have a path that we have taken we've all been been but hit by the bumps of life uh we've all suffered levels of of moisture in in our battle called life you see the short answer because each ice crystal has a unique path to the ground they will float through different clouds of different temperatures of different levels of moisture which means that every ice crystal is unique and brothers and sisters when the psalmist says i am fearfully and wonderfully made we can say the same thing that everybody is unique in god's eyes but a living breathing example of this is a young lady a young lady who at the age very tender age fanny crosby we know as a poet a lyricist and a composer she was one of the most prolific hymnists in history writing more than 8 000 hymns and gospel songs crosby was known as the queen of gospel songwriters we know some of her best known songs as pass me not o gentle savior blessed assurance jesus is mine jesus is tenderly calling you home praise him praise him rescue the perishing and the one that i really like to god be the glory great things he has done but did you know that six weeks ago fanny called a cold and developed inflammation of the eyes parents tried to put mustard poultices on her eyes and there they believed that her optic nerves were damaged and she was blinded at six weeks of oh on top of that at six months of age she lost her father and so we have someone who lost their eyesight worked with me now six weeks of age lost her daddy when she was six months old to be raised by her mother and her grandmother at the age of eight crosby wrote her first poem which described her condition later on she would write i s it seemed indeed by the blessed providence of god that i should be blind all my life she writes i thank him for this situation if perfectly cited if perfect sight will offered me tomorrow i would not accept it fanny says i might not have been able to write the songs and the poems that i wrote if perfect sight was offered to me i would not take it she also said when i get to heaven hello christian are you listening this morning when i get to heaven the first face that that shall ever that i want to see when my eyes are open is my savior and my redeemer that's fanny crosby we are unique god has given us talents and abilities use them for his glory work on self self love you can't love anybody else until you love yourself first god said that you're fearfully and wonderfully made i knit you together in those inward places so principle number one according to god's great statement on love is that you've got to love yourself you got to take care of yourself you got to be kind to yourself principle number two in the in in this storyline is that we must develop the second secret and that is the secret of self-sacrifice listened within these texts in the same way husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies for a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself and paul writing in romans chapter 15 and verse 1 he says we who are strong must be considerate of those who are sensitive about things like this we must not just please ourselves and some are saying pastor that seems to be written from a man's perspective careful now i've met some strong women and some sensitive man do not take that for granted that is speaking from the perspective of a man but we must take care of each other sacrificially principle number two if principle number one is self-love principle number two is sacrificial love sacrificial love this is penned out in a little quiz that we're gonna do online this morning online you know i i had a couple and i said if you don't get this right i can't marry you and they begin to get nervous they begin to get nervous i said we're gonna work through the quiz together but if you can't figure this out then you don't need to be getting married because it's going to be nothing but trouble in your home so follow along online this morning with me as as we connect the dots match the following statement to the answers provided below so let's go through because the worst thing you could do is try to fill out the test before you get all of the information so match each statement with the one below it so a when i get married be when i look in the mirror and see when i look at my spouse so when i get married i get two cells for this reason a man shall leave his mother and father joined to his wife and they shall become what one flesh so when i get married when i get married what do you see i get two cells i get me and my and my partner but when i look in the mirror when i look in the mirror i see myself first nobody else in the mirror but you when i look in the mirror i see myself first but check this statement when i look at my spouse when i look at my spouse i see myself second sacrificial love if principle number one is is to love yourself but but principle two is sacrificial love love someone better and more than yourself this is an explosive principle the root of conflict is self-first the key to conflict resolution is spouse first the second secret of a happy marriage is to put my partner's desires above my own by human power this is impossible but with divine power all things are possible let me give you a case study let me give you a case study this morning case study crunchy sour salty or sweet pickles all start off the same way as cucumbers did you know that pickles all start off the same way as cucumbers let me introduce you to the thomas family they were famous they were famous in its they were famous uh uh for its cucumber industry the thomas family while jerry planted and experimented and harvested award-winning cucumbers kathy became a specialist in pickling the produce winning prize after prize for her pickles cucumbers bound jerry and kathy together then tragedy struck jerry unexpectantly away son carlos offered to continue the crop but surprisingly mother said no no no no when i got married she explained i had no love for pickles but when i observed that that cucumbers gave dad a special pride i came to enjoy pickling them because i love your dad dearly in amazement daughter betty cried out dad told me that initially he had no passion for cucumbers but when he saw the joy that that mom put into pickling her pickles he became excited and it became his life goal to please mama and to make her happy both of them hated cucumbers but they thought that each other did and so they went out of their way to love and support each other this example is exemplified and the greatest example of sacrificial love in romans chapter 15 verse 3 paul says for even christ did not please himself did jesus enjoy gethsemane uh did he was he eager to suffer on calvary's cross of course not uh but but you and i the loved ones he loved needed him to die so putting our joy above his own he went to the cross uh the greatest lover the supreme example of sacrificial love is jesus putting someone else instead of ourselves in first place and so as we go back and looking at these three statements statement number one self-love take care of yourself love yourself but statement number two that we must be be willing to practice sacrificial love and i'm speaking to the gentleman out there if any of you have not endured and i should rephrase and do it if you've not spent a joyous night looking at a hallmark movie with your wife you don't know what you're missed out on just don't make it wives too often we can only handle once a month all right but spending an evening sitting down and watching a movie with your wife something that she enjoys put a little bit of romance back into your life but put your wife in front of yourself husbands and wives put your husbands in front of yourself this is the principle of sacrificial love you see god is the divine marriage officer he performed the first uh wedding in the garden of eden it was a gorgeous garden wedding the birds were chirping the fragrance of flowers the babbling of brooks the singing of trees the old animals and the anthem of angels all were present in eden since god is the manufacturer of marriage he knows a little bit about its maintenance and so the psalmist declared the psalm is declared as i raced ahead of you the the psalmist declares that that that unless the lord unless the lord builds the house they labor in vain who build it and so the third secret the third secret for having a relationship that will outlast is to love god first of all he is the marriage officer and he is the individual who who not only instituted it but he can maintain it so the bible tells us in matthew chapter 27 jesus replied you must love the lord your god with all of your heart your soul with all of your mind this is the first and greatest so self-love loving sacrificially but the greatest the greatest statement on his love is to love the lord with all of your heart your soul and your mind and genesis tells us genesis tells us the man said this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh she shall be called woman for she was taken out of man that is why a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and they shall become one flesh unless the lord the psalmist says unless the lord builds the house the builders labor in vain principle number one you got to love yourself principle number two you gotta love sacrificially but principle number three and the greatest principle is we must love the lord most of all you see the bible tells us of an event that happened in scripture at the beginning of christ's ministry and as i turned there uh it was a festive occasion jesus his thoughts center on a young couple that were just starting out in marriage now you need to understand the importance of of this miracle because let's go back and look in jesus ministry you see he is this is jesus who who gave sight to the blind this is jesus who loosened the tongue of the dumb who who gave hearing to the death and those that were demon-possessed and filled with leprosy he was able to cure incurable diseases but this jesus who was a miracle working god reserved his first marriage his first miracle pardon me for marriage you see a starry-eyed young couple hadn't invited the entire town to their wedding ceremony and jesus his thoughts go out to them his time is not yet but his his thoughts go out to this bride and groom and the embarrassment that would be theirs uh and john it would be theirs because every time she would go into the market after that wedding people would say there's the couple they ran out of wine you know they invited everybody to the wedding but they didn't have enough food to feed everybody they ran out of wine look at this deadbeats they'd be talking about that for the rest of the life and every time she went to the the village every time she went to town every time she lined up at costco people would be snaring at her there's the couple they they invited everybody but didn't have anything to feed them with and jesus said no i got work to do i got people to heal i got demons to cast out but i'm reserving my first miracle for marriage i'm reserving my first miracle for marriage because i have come so that people will be restored and this same jesus who who saves this young couple from embarrassment by reserving his first miracle for helping this newlywed couple is able to do something in your marriage this morning the marriage might not be what it should be but paul says that this jesus that we serve is able to supply every need according to his riches and glory every need that we have my god shall supply all of your needs according to his riches in glory by christ jesus had come to the end of a service at college park i had preached and walked out the aisle and there was a lady who was waiting for me and she came up to me and she said pastor i want to be baptized i said well we're going to have to study i i want you to come out she said but my husband he i said are you adventist are you back he said i've never been i've been looking here there and everywhere and and this testimony you can see it as this couple at the first service of this heart and home series they gave their testimony in college park church it's on youtube it's on facebook live her name is sharda and we began to have bible studies but but sam was not coming to the bible studies but but something was happening in charter's life as a result of the bible study she said pastor i've been looking for happiness and direction i've tried a multitude of face and religion and and my home is just breaking down my relationship with my husband is not what it should be and i've got nowhere else to turn i just want to give jesus a chance and so we begin to study and you know when the word of god gets into you it transforms you and as charter began to take those studies week after week husbands saw a wife that was transforming before his very eyes she was no longer angry no longer bitter but but but there was a radiance there was a smile on her and and charter uh uh decided that she wanted to continue but not only did she continue studying but she brought sam along and lo and behold sam was a backslidden adventist been raised in the far country raised according to to performance performance and many of us can identify here this morning many of us have been raised where we were raised according to a theology of performance that if you eat right if you walk right if you do right then you will be saved but but that negates the gospel you see jesus died while we were still in sin uh jesus died for our sins and as we begin to unpack the gospel uh sam began to realize that he could never be good enough for jesus was good enough for him and as we begin to study their family was being transformed in the midst of of covet 19 in the midst of a pandemic sam and charter's home was being transformed because they let god into their home and so they came as we continued studying sam pastor pastor i want to do something special for my wife i want to do something special for my wife said you know uh my wife asked me before we started this study if i would ever change and i said no i'd never change sam you hear his testimony said he's he was on the weed he was drinking never had time for family and she asked him one day 16 years of marriage would you ever change could you ever become someone i said i can't do it i can't do it and so as they were nearing their anniversary 17th anniversary sam came to me and said pastor for the bible study could we do something a little bit different he said i i feel convicted that my marriage has not been what it should be and i want to renew my vows because now jesus is on the inside and i want him to be a part of my home and so there right across from the church in the parking lot of the seventh-day adventist union the church in canada we went over there in little parque and we brought the kids and they renewed their vows and saying that the next half of our life is going to be so much better because jesus is now in our lives but more importantly jesus is in our marriage and so they renewed their vows and i had the privilege in the midst of covet 19 and it was my privilege in the midst of covet 19 of having this couple come to church declare before 100 people gathered there at declare before a a worldwide audience that they were saying yes to jesus they were surrendering sharing their testimony the family has been transformed you know their their 15 year old son keenan is a youth sabbath school teacher now their 14 year old daughter kiana is in pathfinders uh uh their little daughter chloe is now in adventurers and little caleb can't wait to become a part of the adventurer club you see when when when these principles are adopted uh are brought into our family units families change and if you want to change a church change a family there's this family they're on fire what can we do we want to serve jesus has saved us he saved our marriage he saved us and we want to do something for our community we want to do something and so this morning i would encourage you to be about god's business that start building start building rebuilding the kendall wood church in the midst of a pandemic it is possible to rebuild your church by rebuilding your families put jesus first allow him to get into the inside allow the dimensions that dimensions on love where we are to love ourselves take care of ourselves improve ourselves we are to love sacrificially putting others before ourselves but most importantly the greatest principle to love god with all your heart to love god with all your soul and your mind and the principles this this this this this example of what he could do for a family for the cadoo family he could do it for your family he could do it for your church so i invite you to keep trusting keep following him praise him every day thank him every day in the words of fanny crosby to god be the glory great things he has done pray with me this morning father in heaven we fall at your knees recognizing that we need you in our families we need to empty ourselves of pride and arrogance that we need to humble ourselves before the creator of the universe and once again the gospel we need to invite jesus christ into our lives as our savior and our lord he needs to take the place of the most important person in our life he is the ceo in our life and so we submit this morning in jesus name and we're praying lord that you will bless our homes i pray a prayer of forgiveness where we've fallen short we repent of our selfishness and lord as husbands as wives we will seek within our power to bless our spouse put them first before our own interests finally lord we want to put you first in our lives so i pray that you will bless us today on your special sabbath day that you will bless this church this community and bless homes i pray in the wonderful powerful and strong name of jesus christ let everybody say amen [Music] you

Channel: Kendalwood SDA Church

Views: 740

Rating: 5 out of 5

Keywords: Kendalwood Seventh-day Adventist Church, Kendalwood SDA Church, Sermon, Jesus, Saviour, God, Sabbath Service, 300 Kendalwood Road, Pandemic, Hope, Trust in God, Trust in Jesus, COVID 19, Three Big Secrets of A Happy Marriage, Pastor Glenn Desilva, Happiness, Avoid divorce

Id: dF5VTdQXrSg

Length: 46min 3sec (2763 seconds)

Published: Sat Nov 07 2020