These Parents Are DESPERATE for Jo's Help | Supernanny (Marathon) | Lifetime

I'm Joe Frost and it's true I'm back and I'm traveling across America helping families who desperately need my help I've been in the parental arena for three decades and the advice and techniques that I give to families come from experience it's going to be hard work but it's always worth it first up burrito family in Pittstown New Jersey Mom and Dad have four children under the age of five including twins who are five months old [Music] both parents seem to be as a loss at how to handle all of the children [Music] [Music] we're the burritos I'm Jessica I'm CJ I work in finance and I'm a psychiatric nurse we have four kids and they all need attention all the time Riley is four and she comes off much older than she is make you a sticker she is so smart but then she's so strong-willed why can't you be by yourself why I don't have a reason Gage is two hi Mr Tarzan he is hilarious but he doesn't listen [Music] we have twins Chase and Dax and they're five months [Music] time all hell breaks loose from the time they start to wake up in the morning it is on so it's absolutely exhausting all day long you do you understand both of these babies need to eat now and you're behaving like this and sometimes we're just like give the tablet just so they can just be quiet and it's a little bit of a break you're gonna stay in here until you can get yourself together I think that Riley may have ADHD no no no she loses all control screaming throwing herself like Tantrums that went hours and I'm terrified when Gage gets a little older he's going to join in with Riley and then there's two more following right behind so we're scared we're gonna be overrun by them it's four of them it's two of us damn just can't handle it I just I just can't do it anymore I just need help [Music] before I help this family I will need to spend today evaluating what I think their challenges are and then I'll come back over the next several days and teach them some parenting skills and techniques my team's gonna be like someone come watch our parenting technique the kids are very excited for Joe they can't wait to meet him [Music] I'm a little bit skeptical but I'm willing to try anything oh geez yeah why'd you do that [Music] hello hi can I come in sure come here Gage can you say hi Jessica hi Jessica how you doing hello CJ hi how do you do good good hello lovey how are you treat me say hi hi yeah let's change thanks Hello darling hi Dax so today I get to watch I get to observe I get to ask questions okay okay please just you know do what you normally would on a weekday with the kids and um I'll just sit back okay all right the babies need to eat now come sit down for lunch [Music] I am watching Joe she's watching me it's it's different you know I'm not trying to hide anything I want her help so I'm not gonna I'm not gonna hold back anything right what are you doing over here are you done you ready to go up come on all right get some rest okay I'm not going but oh you need to rest Riley I'm not going to tell you again get in bed please get in bed and rest you're gonna lose your tablet tonight no no yes you're not listening Jess she's not listening to anything all right goodbye [Music] resistance I'm just mommy's name held some cout she's the disciplinarian I'm much more lenient as you can tell I multiple chances how is that working out for you it's not it's a lot of butting heads and she knows it I'll carry on no everyone's taking naps [Music] all right here lay down come on these out all right I'll see you later buddy Riley get in your room go go and then come right back up so CJ I'm looking at the bedrooms is that a bathroom yes she's meant to be sleeping so I'm just curious why she's down there if she has to do a number two she uses her Kindle when she does that oh no okay all right I'll see you in a little bit okay this child is very smart she's got their number and CJ doesn't follow through he threats and then he calls Jessica they're kind of creating this big problem give me this give this to me good [Music] we don't take a Kindle into bed and you know that I will see you when your clock says one three zero [Music] a lot of mixed messages for Riley dad's already threatened the Kindle then he gave it to her to go to the bathroom the Kindle's done the Kindle's done now [Music] has been consistent so far in the way she's holding firm but the fact that this is even a conversation so tell me about Riley because you think that Riley's got ADHD yeah I do she has poor impulse control she cannot sit still at all you know her train of thought is always like just going and going and going like sometimes I can see her brain is going so fast that her words her sentences even come out jumbled so all of those things convinced you that she had attention deficit hyperactivity disorder there may be many many children over diagnosed with ADHD because toddlers can be fidgety toddlers lack the focus or attention span and parents have sometimes unrealistic expectations of their toddlers [Music] what's up it's 1 30. why don't you go do something once you go down and make some crafts and then come and show me downstairs show me all the games you like to play [Music] if you don't know what to do is extractions do you want to do it we can do it okay you come here come over here come over here why don't you go and ask Mommy if she wants to do that with you well mommy doesn't she's busy what about if you ask Daddy if he would do that with you with you she's busy too right right you're both busy they're both busy [Music] Riley's clearly got the message that her parents can't make time for her I know it's easy for parents to buy stuff like tablets for their kids but at the end of the day they need to teach their children how to play and connect with them one-on-one [Music] what's it like if you're out somewhere like you know you're out as a family we don't really go out we don't no very rarely all of us it's very difficult really and it's something we enjoy this is a situation you would like to overcome right so why don't you show me we're gonna go out right where's something to eat what's the problem I'm nervous because going out as a family of six is so difficult and it's just more trouble than it's worth [Music] Pizza the pizza last night come sit down [Music] you want to sit in this chair sit down do you want to put them on a chair you're not going to sit in the high chair all right so you want pasta Gage can you please sit down okay sit down no no no Gage watch the glass gauge is quite capable of sitting at the table and keeping himself occupied he's gonna fall down the stairs Jess but sitting properly at the table doesn't magically happen you have to teach your children how to do that correctly [Music] she knows it's going to get him going and she does it anyway the parents are so worried that Gage is going to have a showdown but they're now taking shots at each other and it's just making the situation worse Jessica put the baby back in the seat eat some bread [Music] what did he get he's probably just going to take it to go because if the babies are getting upset we're gonna take it to come no Riley when are we gonna come back that's a very good question Riley and I don't have an answer [Music] all right [Music] you're right right everyone's so mean but it is what it is stop it right now you have three brothers that are causing some problems [Music] the child child she she's like my God somebody do something I can't even sit down and have a meal with Mommy and Daddy you know I felt sorry for her come on Ryan come on please no stop stop stop stop and here's the thing they've got two more infants so I think I'll get it down now they're gonna have four children running around like Gage we do have a lot of work to do so I hope these kids are going to take a good bath and Mom and Dad are going to get arrested as well because they're going to need it over the next several days [Music] why are you messing up your hair again come here you're not allowed to stay here when Joe comes in we are sitting down to talk to her and you need to go entertain yourself in the basement [Music] from what I saw yesterday this family is in need of some real guidance and quick four kids under the age of five it's a huge challenge if we don't do something now it's just going to get unbearable first and foremost I have to say your beautiful children they've got great personalities they're very smart with respect to attention concentration Focus impulsivity there's a lot you're expecting from these children you cannot expect a child to have more control on their impulses at such a young age that develops over time you have to teach as parents how to expand your child's attention and that normally works when we've got that human interaction with our children face-to-face time I'm not seeing that here I'm seeing a disconnect I went downstairs to the basement and when I said to her why don't you go and ask Mommy to do that with you she's busy yeah what about daddy he's busy All She Wants To Do Is connect with her mom and dad just for a tiny bit of time that's why you saw the Meltdown yesterday she's like I'm done take these siblings away because guess what having them around means to her she loses it down she don't have a relationship with you both yeah I know it's terrible I know it's terrible so what do you do you're getting the reliable dependable electronic babysitter yep and we both agree those were the worst things ever but now we're so deep I think Gage shouldn't be doing any more than like 30 minutes max at his age everything Kelsey needs right now is about the skill sets that he's not learning he can't even sit down I know that you're overwhelmed what you just want to do is go away to the spa for three hours not have kids around your ankles and go I need to breathe yeah I need to breathe like I can't stand giving a bath every single night I do the baths every single night are you wanting I'm wanting him to do it sometimes but then he says why don't do a good job she'll tell me it's not even worth it you don't do it you don't do it right so I'll just do it especially the bats if you're about controlling everything and then you turn around and you say oh well I have to do everything let's play martyr that is playing martyr well you need to let go a bit but that's hard for mum to do if she can't trust you I've tried telling her to do that it's hard for her to do I know if she cannot trust you to follow through and do the job you know you're a couple together raising your children together which means that you better be a bloody good tag team the two of you are moving the goal post constantly and it gives mixed messages and you know what Riley's smart enough to push it that's what kids do they push the boundaries and look I'm not a doctor so I can't come in and diagnose whether Riley has ADHD but I know one thing I sure as hell I'm not taking her to a doctor unless I know as a parent that I have taught my daughter what is expected of her when it comes to acceptable behavior we've got a lot of work ahead of us I'm going to help you parent together so sack that electronic babysitter and let's make real connection with your children it's not going to be impossible I think we're ready are you ready all right let's get doing this right all right let's get doing the work thank you I think the hardest thing to hear was how much they need us and to try and figure out how we're going to do that but um we're excited to get things on track I'm almost done with X and then I'll make lunch so you know we'll talk about tablet regulation you feel that you would give that little bit of time so that they can have it I would say while everyone's prepping dinner and everyone's coming in and that's really when the chaos is and then they get taken away when it's time to eat dinner what do you think are you both in agreement with that yes all right oh my God that's one that's one that is one that is one I'm hoping that if CJ is more active in making decisions then he'll be more forthcoming with enforcing those decisions and Jessica will feel like she's not raising these kids on her own you're now going to talk to the kids let them know when they can use their tablets I have an old Mantra that I've used for absolutely donkeys years mean what you say say what you mean but don't say it mean Gage come over here new rule we're only going to use the tabots before dinner okay you're asking him is that okay all right when he gets it then you can use that word in your in your vocabulary that's the dinner time buddy all right so just dinner time I know all right let's come let's have lunch and you're gonna say to them you guys said remember daddy said she's at dinner time there you are just at dinner time all right let's eat a child of two years old shouldn't be spending more than 30 minutes a day screen time and up to five years old an hour a day is more than adequate oh wow those are from yesterday that's our life Riley can you sit on that chair for a minute I just want to see your height on this chair thank you I want Gage to sit at the table properly he's never sitting down and I'm wondering because Riley's taller and much older she could actually sit in one of the big grown-up chairs and Gage could sit in the Higher One learning to eat out starts with correct habits at home and chairs that are the appropriate height will put them in position to succeed it's off the chase say no sit down hello you'll get used to it that's what Daddy sits on now you can sit next to him listen listen conquering divide right now who's dealing with gate I will all right and who's gonna handle Riley all right you need to sit in this chair after seeing how these parents undermined one another during Riley's nap time yesterday I want to teach them how to work as a team and that starts with prioritizing the decisions and tasks that they're going to take on [Music] get on the show Riley telling you no you're her father Riley stop it he's reinforcing told her today and respecting you bring her over here right here right here okay and with a fan voice and eye contact and coming down to our level you're gonna tell her what you expect from her you have to sit on that chair for lunch you know you're supposed to be doing this well back to your new chair you're a big kid do not argue with her you tell her what she is expected and you say you're sitting at that chair until we finish and then you can get down enough of this CJ [Music] yeah you're sitting at that chair until we finish and then you can get down [Music] sit in the chair yesterday I'd seen CJ struggle with Riley's rest time I think CJ needs to be exercising more assertiveness and boundaries with Riley [Music] your apple juice and then I'm going to come sit down what were you what were you with downstairs [Music] can we count them I know they're yours since I was at the restaurant similar what the cheese what cheese was that that they gave you at the restaurant some kind of merlot mommy's cheese yeah Mommy's cheese you have a T-Rex okay so as I'm talking to you like this I'm talking about the restaurant and the cheese and you're going to give praise because they're listening that makes you very happy and they can talk about something else which one's T-Rex we're here yeah which one's brontosaurus which one's stegosaurus good job good job high five sprinkle your prey sprinkle your praise good job sitting there very good job Choctaw well it felt rewarding that we accomplished that and hopefully we can do it many more times [Music] let's go to your pedicure how come everything is falling off hello hi hello hello how's it going it's going all right how are you today exhausted how are you feeling okay you're feeling not too bad tell the truth CJ says he's exhausted tired and you're feeling tired it takes the muscle right your brain has to become more disciplined look what happened yesterday just at the dinner table no it was shocking to me right actually just at the dinner table like that happened quicker than I thought that was gonna happen this time with me is to read really firm yes she understands what's going on we don't hit why did you do that say you're sorry to Riley Gage say you're sorry to Riley here take put him down please [Music] please no no you don't do that was dating right so let him deal let him do say you're sorry and give a hug we don't hit Jessica shouldn't have to feel like she has to take on the entire burden of parenting she may like things done a certain way but that's only hindering her if she can just learn to let go of the everyday tasks that CJ is more than capable of handling himself things will get better for her you're saying to me it doesn't step out it doesn't deal with the kids broccoli he's too soft and the moment he does step up with a firm voice to deal with Gage you're ready to take over you are being your worst own enemy right now you're getting in your own way because you deserve to be a mother who can take a break who can feel good every day I have to break the habit [Music] huge kids can we do the Kindle later around dinner time you're so silly I laugh with the coughing orange there you go or just sit here with you guys so I had a moment with Gage I thought Gage is not really listening to me he's not really connecting with me Gage desperately does need one-on-one that will help in his brain development his stimuli what what are you crying I don't know I just feel bad for him good [Music] I just don't think that that you give him like the attention that he needs and I feel bad for him that's what we're working on no but my God on a Sunday when I'm like why don't you take him to the store oh you're such a pain in the ass but kid just too but still do it okay and I think that he can do it better if it is a one-on-one and I don't think that you do that if ever I don't spend enough time with him one-on-one why haven't you [Music] foreign you have a fear of him what is the fear I wouldn't say fear I'd say anxious it's just going to end bad anyway so why do it so now you're not doing what the kids need because you're like oh wipe off of doing this I don't want to put myself through this it just it seems like a real pain in the ass sometimes yes it's about you the kids are losing out the cost is the is your bonding time with the kids your connection with the kids how do we maneuver around this so that they become enjoyable experiences because more enjoyable experiences make you want to do it again I'm definitely making sure that I go out with Dad and Gage like and I want somewhere public and if Gage has a meltdown he has a meltdown if it doesn't change they have no idea they have no idea right now The Strain that it's going to put on their marriage hey [Music] yesterday we got into CJ sphere surrounding taking gauge out in public let me thinking why don't you push the nose it does it today I want to confront that fear head-on so I was thinking this is a great chance for us to go down to the town again and not repeat what happened the first time but to make it a better experience for you because I want you to feel good about that because ultimately that leads to family outings and wanting to do more of that okay and you're gonna go bye-bye okay see you down there Jessica I'd love to see a mental game with Riley and creating that environment to focus okay [Music] you ready bud CJ need to be able to get over that hurdle of being out in public with Gage and the embarrassment he feels of not knowing what to do and him pacifying that that's major we're here here we are we're going to walk through town and go in a couple stores and down by the water okay to see the darks but I want you to behave and be a good boy okay okay that's it so did you notice you're just in that stage that rebellious stage of when you say yes it's no year olds say no all the time because they're looking for a reaction and also because they hear it from their own parents a lot no let's leave the dinosaur in the car buddy he's going to stay in the car while we go down by the water come on [Music] come on let me have the dinosaur buddy no we never bring him out of there water bottle and his water bottle ready to go all right let's go come on when a child's having a tantrum no parent can stop it when it's at its peak but the few tips that CJ can use to at least get through it more calmly and hopefully shorten them eventually give yourself a good pace always Hand firm and off you go no just keep walking don't let him stop just keep walking keep it on task and no one is a parent when not to be reactional helps you not to feed into those tantrums and when kids feel that disconnect it can be all it takes just to dissipate it foreign go ahead go first there is a high ratio of children who are being missed diagnosed with ADHD because parents have an instilled those skill sets oh this one I saw you have to spend time going over early learning toys and games to expand your child's attention and focus yeah because we're great at matching [Music] come on pick him up I can see that that's getting really frustrated [Music] but if he doesn't push through all it's going to do is reinforce Gage's behavior and create more stress for Jess and CJ put him down yeah because all kids do this in the shop [Music] I'm talking to you look at me [Music] Tantrums happen but for CJ causes him real stress so when Gage acts out I want CJ to do his best in remaining calm so that he can push through this confidently where is it let me have a look I want you to narrate so right let's take a look down here Gage Maybe daddy find what he's looking for let's take a look over here buddy Daddy needs to find where is it Daddy's looking to see what he can find the baby's medicine here is a gauge right what Dad would have normally have done is told Gage to stop crying but that'll just make him cry even more so when Dad can redirect then it redirects Gage hence no more tantrum so just keep walking go where is it let me have a look let's have a look Gage maybe it's over here nope not it maybe it's in another shop see how the temper tantrum's just kind of peak and then they die down after so well done well done good job buddy it will get better because he'll know what to expect when he's out with you oh look what I see who's that who's up there Daddy hi so we're gonna stop and have ice cream here ice cream you want something ice cream thank you can I get a kids cup of the Superman please make chop chip please cage what do you say [Music] it's important that we bring the whole family together to have some fun enjoy each other's company and be present I mean after all [Music] gone so I always say sprinkles and sprinkles and sprinkles of positive Praise of what you are seeing because I see a lot right now that I'm happy with regarding the two children good job games great manners good sitting when I first arrived the parents told me that they wanted to be able to go out as a family but Dad was so scared to even take his son out for sheer embarrassment what a lovely change now and that is exactly where I want this family walking down the street no Tantrums and just feeling very calm as a family being out [Music] stir the bread [Music] I mean he really is such a great kid he deserves more time from us a peaceful day out I just never thought it would happen you know I'm looking forward to the future and going out and doing things let's see if we can get it right in one of their mouths see if they can catch it okay you ready [Music] okay check in check-in is about to get very real for you guys because I'm about to leave for a couple of days I am leaving you guys with everything you've been taught so far trust the techniques and enjoy it as well I'm going away for a bit but I hope when I get back I'll see some improvements again you will bye bye bye you listen to Mommy and Daddy Joe leaving it's kind of nerve-wracking I mean we're all on our own dad you know what to do okay I'm extremely nervous but sink or swim you caught this okay hopefully we should be impressed when she comes back thank you see you soon bye loves it's a little bit of a like a stomach drop like you know now this is on us good job and um we know what we need to do but it's not going to be easy it's definitely not going to be easy [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] so Joe's about to get here I'm excited also apprehensive it's been like the longest weekend the shortest week of my life hopefully Joe thinks that we've done a good job while she was the way at least acknowledge some of the things that we're doing [Music] how's it going Gage [Music] um not exactly the reception I was hoping for are these guys learn anything [Music] Riley get off of that if you need to put chase down do so CJ after a couple of days I've returned to the Brado family to see how they've got on to start so far look at me Riley we don't go on the babies don't know what to do right stop jumping around and look at me Riley this is your warning if you don't look at me you're going to bed before the babies you don't play on the baby's mats do you understand yes go in the playroom your facial expression looks different like when you mean business your left eyebrow goes slightly up and your face is really serious and she'll read that you know because that's what they do and that's what they can continue to do when I've gone as well and they'll just keep testing as kids do but it's how you handle it if you nip it in the bud sooner then it means that you don't have to be drained by it okay I like what I'm seeing but now it's about sitting down with CJ and Jess and doing the review so I can see how they got on when I wasn't here I was about to say how you're feeling how are you feeling nervous all right let's take a look [Music] [Music] okay the time that you are now spending with Gage that for me is growth I can already see the difference in Gage's Behavior just in the last week this is more expressive yes because of the connection well done you need to leave the room so we can talk okay [Music] the chicken wings we're not debating this you need to leave go find something now it was too much verbal ping pong going on there at that point you should have actually said to it you've been asked nicely this is your warning you help her when you can just keep that line very firm you had that every five seven minutes when I arrived and you're like oh my God she's got ADHD she can't even listen she can't even touch it this obstinent behavior is only because she's not had those boundaries in the beginning to create more emotional maturity [Music] engage [Music] it's time to turn the Kindle off for now okay yeah let's turn this off good job [Music] okay how amazing was that yeah I know how amazing I was I was ready for the the screaming the second I came in there I was ready for that you know when he does that like yeah you know that was like an accomplishment what time [Music] good job Gage good job on your chair very good bloody remarkable is it not dinners have been a lot better yeah I mean seriously Gage is sat in a chair for every meal and he hasn't done that in ever since I don't know how it happened so quick but it did because you built the board game the better of you you put the work in you know the sprinkles of positive praise for the things that they are doing you mention it to Gage and then Riley's like what about me you know this is good minor tweaks absolutely beautiful thank you this was a good review with the pair of you thank you amazing amazing thank you these parents just need to keep practicing they got the idea now they're ready to do this alone together JoJo's gonna have to go now um you want to keep him yeah you sure you want to keep your brother here all right give me five then you got it good I thought I was gonna get one of the brothers this definitely was life-changing in more ways than one having Jill come in here to help our family it's meant a lot and now it's kind of like she's not here to watch us but we we know what we have to do and we have a lot of stuff that we can now use CJ thank you so much fella this experience has been life-changing just to realize what I need to do with my children things I need to do with my wife it helped me become better person better father better husband just everything for the better take care of your beautiful family beautiful this family are ready I hope mum and dad are very proud of themselves they should be I mean they've put the work in Take Care thank you thank you huggy hockey hockey's hockey hi darling when I first arrived at the brados home I saw two parents worn thin with four children to look after tablets had become the electronic babysitters and misguided attention even the word ADHD was Loosely used but I feel really hopeful for this family they've done extremely well but for me it's up to the next family [Music] here we go [Music] [Applause] this week I have traveled all the way to Wahoo Hawaii to help the Jones nicolich family Heather and Todd have triplets and they struggle with their behavior and on top of all of that both parents have polarized ideas of how the children should be raised my name is Heather Jones I'm a child psychiatrist and that's a physician who works with children with mental health issues I'm Todd nikolich I am in sales and healthcare industry we met online eight years ago about a year after dating we decided that we wanted to have a family we worked really hard to get pregnant but we had multiple difficulties so we used a surrogate and we found out that surprise we actually had three after the boys were born we lived in Portland Oregon for two years Heather ended up getting a couple job opportunities here in Hawaii and so we decided to move here Skyler loves to ride bikes loves to swim but he's one of the first to act out and be defiant Kai is incredibly silly but he has very low frustration tolerance [Music] all right Holden is a really kind kid I died but he cries throughout the day when he's upset having three four-year-old boys that don't listen and talk back running in circles and throwing stuff at you do you understand me it's difficult they do not listen to a word I say they make fun of me our parenting styles are night and day I'm very empathic warm and fuzzy I'm more of a disciplinarian you got three more minutes I'm back and sit back where you are my mom Patty moved here from Portland to help us take care of the kids we call her tutu she's our third parent it's difficult these kids I think are struggling we're all struggling we have lost control because we're not on the same page and now they're getting older and bigger and stronger I have nothing left to give I'm feeling very excited to go in and observe and to take notes to ask questions in order to help this family foreign I think they're excited to meet our new friend I think we're all gonna learn a lot about ourselves might not be pretty yeah that's fine hello hello [Music] and what's your name my love Holden pleasure to meet you Holden oh okay so I will just watch you guys as you do your thing I'll be asking questions as well if I feel needed how about you have these swords we're just wearing what Mommy got out [Applause] he doesn't like these in sports I can't believe what I'm seeing in there they're like a pack of wild animals foreign [Music] [Applause] [Music] Kai and Skyler show mock Tantrums when they can't get their own way they're obstinate in a capacity that I would expect from a two and a half year or three year old and I'm I'm shocked son you're in timeout come here sit down and you're not gonna get up and you're for sure not getting a popsicle today yeah [Music] one more chance to stop screaming in my face go play with your toys or I'm gonna put you in time out right now get away from me holding now go Heather can you or tutu come get one of the boys and take them to the room yep don't you dare throw that foreign to timeout in their bedroom and then what they should and shouldn't be doing which is making these children that are already angry do it even more and why is Tutu being called in as a disciplinarian is that her responsibility [Music] so you have to help them when the parents are needing discipline and don't know that it's got nothing to do to you sometimes Skyler Scott is actually tell I'm at right now Heather okay I have a technique where timeout shouldn't be a fun thing so you shouldn't be able to just sit and play yeah you know so time out is how much is um depends his style varies depending on how mad he is the pair of you are not on the same page with respect to what those steps are like why are you not clear because I can say something yeah but it doesn't mean that I can change his behavior I've said you can't yell at the boys you can't you know like you can't Embark at that or treat my mom like that or all of these things right so how does he treat your mother he's just um critical you know Heather is aware more than most that Todd's aggressive behavior towards the boys is not healthy and so she overly pacifies and Todd's attitude towards tutu is not healthy either this is not a good situation for this family I didn't ever get up and deal with it because she knows that I will because I'm the disciplinarian and that can't be okay for you all the time because you're the one that looks like the bloody bird cop oh yeah but tutu won't get up and do it move around and pick the kids up and do that sort of thing Todd just thinks Patricia's lazy doesn't do anything for God's sake she's a woman in her mid-60s [Music] you think you're gonna get a snack acne like this usually I just ignore him but there's usually not a lot going on so it's easier to an arm because what I'll do is I'll sit yeah don't talk it show me go in your room why do you think he's on top oh I think he's acting out to get attention at this point from who because usually what happens from him that's not okay Mom move yourself away I know that you would like to play and do fun things right so let's sit down while I came out and calm our body down and it's not okay [Music] breath take a deep breath there's definitely more than meets the eye here I can feel it mum tolerates too much of Kai's Behavior punch in and kicking her she has this over pacifying parenting Style okay okay there's three adults in this house which means there's three sides to this story so I need to figure out what's underneath all this hurt and resentment talk to me I really want to help you just tell me what you're feeling tell me what's going on I am very uncomfortable much at the time yes with my Dynamics Todd and um yet I want to be here for these grandchildren of mine that I adore yeah and my daughter that I adore why do you until not get on like there's an underlining friction between you and him I don't know what he wants from me I really don't my daughter was very clear when we moved here she had no expectations of me none and then clearly taught us yes and he's the opposite but he never said that I do bathrooms and vacuuming and things like that right so you do some yeah you do the weekly cleaning helping clean he's very opinionated about if I'm in my room he thinks I'm you know there's something wrong with me I don't know what to do we're so far away from home I mean it's been two years almost and I didn't know that it would continue like this and so you're contemplating whether you go back I worry about consequences here right because I'm gone what then these boys she doesn't want to be here she shouldn't be here she should be where she's going to be happy and come over as grandma and enjoy the children all right no pressure or nothing but I've got some work to do haven't I because it looks like you ain't going nowhere unless I saw it out Todd's controlling behavior is clearly damaging to everyone in the family no Paradise here Todd come with me to the kitchen so we can have a little talk today I've seen mixed parenting Styles complicit Behavior controlling Behavior angry children unrealistic expectations for a grandma who's burdened by all sit down sit down and most importantly I have felt nothing but hostility and pain with this family we need this time to sit down and talk the kids and they're screaming and they're shouting and stuff like that they have a mother who Audi cuddles Heather you're not really being an assertive parent and then you have Dad who's impatient because things have got so out of control you're very aggressive with the boys the two of you just operate separately all the time that's part of our problem the lack of consistency by barking them I get a response that's a quick minute yeah that's more than what Mom and tutu get from them it's easy for you to justify how you behave all the time but at some stage you're going to have to recognize it's not working and I think it's leaving the children feeling very confused we also need to talk about tutu it sounds to me like she's a nanny yes yeah so why don't you have a professional help as professionals we can't afford it in a way it's so expensive here but the reason why she lives with us is to help us she wants to be the nanny Health that we need Todd I'm not buying that oh she does she doesn't live with us because she has to live here she lives with us because she wants to help us with terms and conditions no I mean there's a yeah with terms and conditions Todd has expectations of her that that I think are not fair and not reasonable and we get into arguments mostly outcome of the arguments yeah that we ain't bad we disagree yeah we disagree but nothing changes why don't you alleviate her from apparently the cleaning the house and all that kind of stuff why just not give it to her we don't give it to her so she doesn't clean the house maybe once a week so she does or she doesn't periodically she does whenever thank you heather she doesn't clean the house she cleans parts of the house sometimes why can't she just be here with Grandma it's not my place to tell her not to do the work that she is you're the person you live here the two of you it is your place why didn't you then I think because we need the help [Music] you so badly needed the help that you disregarded your mother-in-law your mother who is physically in a space where she's challenged like seriously how can you both feel proud of that you have no idea how much I have done for her I've caretaken my mom since I was five years old five years old I mean if you want to have a discussion with him separately or whatever but I have taken really good care of my mom I know what you're saying that you feel that way but it's not always the case with Todd and at some stage you needed to take the lead on that I can't believe that I'm sitting in front of two people that are as intelligent as you both are and actually putting this on your mother truthfully I think it'd be fair to say I'm a little bit upset right now no matter what she feels about Todd it's we are not lumped into the same sort of category there was a lot of damage done today in the way that things were said I don't want to talk to you right now no honest to God just give me space okay they are offended with my directness they are offended with my opinion right now they are not wanting the help the problem that's going on right now is how you're talking to me and how you talk to my wife in the kitchen so that's why she's upset I would like to move forward we need help and she has skills that we would really benefit from so hopefully tonight everybody can lick their wounds and we can all kind of regroup this family invited me to help him but there's no help unless a family can be accountable they don't want me in their home right now so respectfully I'm leaving but I'm hoping once they've calmed down I'll be allowed to come back into their home and help them with the issues that they have [Music] foreign have invited me back but it's been a little bit awkward for Heather and Todd but I'm hoping we can move past that and just get busy moving this family forward for their sake oh sorry oh I'm so sorry it's all right all right now come in please well I'll take that smile from 2-2 if both parents are up for it I'm going to move straight in and address the boys wild Behavior hello we're up here hello come on up I mean it's awkward but I'm definitely wanting to just move on I'm really looking forward to the things that you know we're struggling with gets getting some concrete answers hiya hi hi hi I didn't sleep much last night feeling like we were pretty blindsided but I know that Joe has experience with triplets and we really need some help when they're rough housing like this and they don't listen when you say don't hurt one another and they're just all about it like that you just jumped on his head come here sit down we need rules here come and sit down breathing rules gonna give him wrestling rules these boys are desensitized from hurting one another but to be honest with you it's what they've been shown I'd like to see more empathy okay what are the rules for wrestling no stomping anything up here is out of bounds wrestling is a sport where you have fun right but you don't hurt somebody and you have to have rules with sport so if somebody's got you like this and you don't want to be locked like that you have to say tap out like this and the other person then has to get off listen to that person and then get up because if you don't you will be in trouble everybody show me how to tap out um check out find like this like this on you and then you don't want me to be like that what do you do oh and I said okay right okay let's see the face no I have no practice you see if you can practice if you say tap out you have to get off so you guys need to practice if somebody says tap out you have to actually do it nice job Kai good job getting off holder yeah when it comes to the boys wrestling I'm happy that that's the recommendation that she has because I believe these boys do need to rough house and obviously that can't happen unless the boys have a safe word like tap out good job Skyler [Music] Heather I want to mediate a conversation between Heather and tutu about being in Hawaii and where she'd rather be I can't sit down can I sit down she loves her grandchildren and Heather and she wants to help but she is not responsible for Heather's life and the choices that she makes let's talk about the reality of you being in a space where you can go home I know you love all your kids and your grandkids but I know you miss home I wanted to be here and uh but it's been really difficult yeah for sure and I I knew I'd miss my friends but none of us knew what we were in for exactly I know it's a hard position to be in where you feel like will I be letting my daughter down but it's important for you to have a life as well Heather what do you think we love you I love you but I worry about you here in Hawaii because you're unhappy and I think about that all the time and you know that I'm realizing that my mom needs to do what would be good for her instead of worrying about what would be good for us I mean these boys are her life right now and I think it's time for her to kind of step back and see what else kind of life has for her you are in a wonderful place to be able to go back home and enjoy friends and family there right I don't know I'm just feeling like I need to have some friends and do some fun stuff have some more peace but I'm just not comfortable what's the thought of it yet I think you would be more able to do it if you knew that we were all in a better place right yeah we'll work on that [Music] you're fine you're fine you don't need another shirt you don't need another shirt okay no I said no I said no if you want to play out here you can otherwise you can just not listen to me listen we're having a talk in here you stay up listen listen all right stay up here right now you sound like a dinosaur like what's all that about that's silly your Top's a little bit wet it will dry off you're going to take a shower and then you'll be in your gym jams in your pajamas you just get on weekly thing okay we're not interested we're not interested it's silly okay so just ignoring us [Music] don't even look because when he's finished doing that he's going to put it all back the boys behave this way because they know it will make Todd angry and then Heather jumps in to pacify but what they both need to do is to step back and not feed this Behavior [Music] you're not interested I don't want you in here you damaged my door son don't even say it because then you write the script for him to do it when you can behave you can come back in he ain't going nowhere he's going to want to be around here to tick you both off because he's waiting for the response that he would normally get which would be out there shouting he knows he knows that he's getting your attention because I spent weeks do you think you'll break the glass painting and prepping the screen it's the screen but then bring it in bring him in [Music] um right there that's what happens just ignore him now he did that himself like he'll learn you just broke the screen that Daddy spent weeks prepping taking the paint off spray painting and building by myself you just broke it I know him ignore him there's only one way where you're gonna go with it which is shining him ignore him back today [Applause] from what age was the spanking happening I'm gonna say just turned three wow I was blindsided with the corporal punishment speaks volumes speaks volumes to Kai's underlining resentment and also mimic behavior and now everything I've seen up until now makes complete sense I'm curious what brought you to a place of Corporal banishment my dad was a hitter or a threatener of hitting spanking will never solve anything it's an outdated ineffective practice in that moment when he's done something the compliance is pain like you smack him you're angry it hurts they feel pain come compliance because I don't want to get hit again the damaging part of it is is that it won't build a bridge between you both but actually what it does is break the relationship and it will teach this one but every time he's angry or we don't get his own way or nobody else is compliant with what he wants he then becomes destructive himself [Music] well I do like that your body has been nice and calm yeah let's see you follow through on that and with a calm tone play to him I need you also to pick up everything that you push down outside because you will need to do that at your level voice foreign were you angry and were you throwing stuff and banging stuff and trying to break the windows and the door yeah what do you want to say can you look at me when you talk to me start outside first then yep let's go outside and clean up the you go show me what you're through so let's pick up the chairs there you go and then come over here and get my Crocs and stick them over here in the corner and then you just need to go chill out somewhere son let's go chill out somewhere the only way that the boy's behavior is going to change is if Dad's Behavior changes and that's going to require a lot of work to be done you choose to shout and yell at him and and smack him and you don't so you're always then gonna be pacifying the fact that your partner chooses to use spanking as a form of discipline and you then over compensate emotionally because you know psychologically the damage that it's going to do I would say that's fair wouldn't you yeah so it just creates this Dynamic where he barks at us and then I'm so irritated with how he's training our kids and how he's training me that I'll say you know what you need to get out of here I will take care of this you leave your own Daddy's going in time out and these kids read in between the months okay see the wedge let's see the big gap there and then they just play it but what's interesting to me about that is that these two prefer him over me no you know it's not that I tell you what it is psychologically trying to get his when I see it as usually parents are like okay there's a safe parent we take out all of our nonsense on the same parent because they know that they're going to be able to tolerate it or trying to win the approval of the parent that's hardest to get that from correct mum knows she's a psychiatrist she just needs to walk her talk now um have so much going on constantly reacting it's really hard to monitor your behavior when you're just reacting but it's also something that you can't just go what it is what it is no right oh yeah most definitely the truth of the matter and I break you both so at what point will you continue to stay complicit at the cost of your children getting messed up or will you go you know what this needs to get real here's where we're at this is either going to make a difference having somebody besides me coming in and saying this is saying then what you're actually saying to Todd well if you continue this Behavior I cannot stay in this situation what does that mean when you say I cannot stay right well then you gotta go I mean if this doesn't work if you you've got to go I cannot allow you to treat them like that and I cannot continue to watch this knowing what this is doing to them today we take so much no no and they should be gone yeah done it's hard to tell if this family right now are just yes in or where they're actually going to move into a space of doing something about it I can only give them the advice and the education because they're the only ones who are going to change the circumstances in their family so where do you go from here go big or go yeah out get the boot I never ever wanted my kids to be ruled by fear would I be here in five years from now if he's like this no [Music] another teach day for this family I am ready to get working Aloha there is a lot of conversation I want to have hey Nanny Joe hi Todd can we have a quick word whilst the boys are having lunch so last night all was revealed Todd got his parenting style from his own upbringing being raised in this environment can do long-term damage the only way seriously the only way this gets solved is you don't own where the bloody hell you're at all right so this is a process for me this this is like it's not okay to scream and you help my kids and you know take them and spank them on their bottom when they're when they're naughty that's not okay but I create these excuses yeah to be struggling and doing the stuff I do it's not conscious it's unconscious but it's kind of it's kind of a sad scenario to be in that you know that you're looking for these signals to say it's okay doing what you do but it's not and I think you have to be real with your expectations you know just the expectations on that but at the same time want us to see baby steps you have to see it everybody has to see it your family has to see it but there has to be steps moving forward and it's a process and as long as you're taking those baby steps forward that's what matters that's all what matters because it's not done overnight but you know you can't rewire because every time you make a choice do not act the same way that you did it does rewire your brain literally and I'm committed to making the changes [Music] hi okay [Music] we don't run in here guys so if you want to sit at the table you can sit at the table right grab all three of them and say hey guys okay to run around but no the kitchen hey guys you can run around but not in the kitchen okay this is a chance for Dad to teach the children some new rules so that he sets these children up for success rather than failure have a seat we're gonna have a little talk all right short and sweet have a short sweet listen to the rules hey guys you can run down the hallway but you cannot go in the kitchen and run and you cannot jump on the furniture okay so where can you run what I said is you cannot run in the kitchen no kitchen no kitchen eye contact eye contact no you cannot run in the kitchen you can run in the hallway you got it you got it dad any other new rules to tell them we have our new rule in the playroom that we've put all our toys in the closet so what we need to go do now is we need to go put those toys away so come on come on whoever doesn't help clean up the magnets doesn't get to play with the magnets so as of right now Skyler doesn't get to play with the magnets again all right well then put him in the Box oh here's another one we don't want to lose these yep Dad used great conversational tone and clear directions now the top thing is for him to stay out of the picture let the kids just do what they're supposed to do with freedom give them lots of praise for following through no no [Music] thank God I'll say nothing give them sprinkles of positive praise that's it good job you guys are working together as a team Nice cleaning up look at that three of you do it quick when you do it together right okay guys excellent job [Music] good night good night you posted really hard yeah I can feel it I can feel the difference all right I'm about to leave for a couple of days it's kind of scary it's like taking your training heels off and you're like oh please let everything work and let us remember all the skills that we use and keep building on it I definitely want to be able to exercise the skills that she's provided when I get pushed to the extreme I'm still going to have that feeling of oh I can't use the normal defenses that I've utilized in the past but I couldn't do any worse than I have actually leaving this family now a couple of days I hope they start making amends with changing that behavior into a more healthy functional family [Music] so I've been away for a couple of days and today I get to sit down with the family take a look at what they've been doing and I wasn't here no no no we don't do that whole we don't grab by the head the last few days since Joe left have been challenging they've had highs and lows okay everybody understand the rules yeah I'll take that as a yes but I can see that they're responding to certain things I'm excited for Joe to come back [Music] well I've been upstairs he hit and he's just being really not he's all fired up and he won't calm down but just holding down the sidelines to sit there okay I'm barely through the door and there seems to be action already I am Keen to see how dad handles the situation you're running around and screaming and playing really rough right what was the rule up here that we don't do that you broke when Daddy says that you're not to hit if then you go and hit you just broke the rule do you think you need to go say you're sorry for hitting Kai [Music] sorry for punching you what do you say to him that's okay you accept this I accept your apology Todd did what he was taught a job well done being Mindful and putting your best foot forward to change your ways and knowing why will make a huge difference Heather when you finished we'll do our parental review oh nice okay perfect you guys want quesadillas for lunch I want all right they're having lunch we'll do our parental review [Music] Todd what are you doing that behaviors about change like what I saw was really not healthy [Music] Todd what are you doing you should be telling him you don't get to come over here and be with me while you behave that way not okay that Behavior's got to change like what I saw was really not healthy oh really I need him to feel that what he did had a consequence and instead he got rewarded by going in a big car yeah and driving with you and all the kids love the carts and they all love being in it so you can imagine what the other two are now sitting there thinking I want to be on that yeah but guess what I've got to do then I've got to carry on and behave like that then maybe I'll get consequence I might get out of the car too because they're all learning from each other as well yeah that was a big mistake if you said he can do anything outside that he wants you should go plan like when I saw this it was so egregious that I was like I gotta stop it and so I I pulled him over I was like you're down on the golf cart well you still thought you were right and then I expected I knew that I was I'm not gonna let it down so you were like all right but you still let him play on the cart you steal it and play with a car so don't change anything and it's going to take me but yesterday you listened to me and that's why sometimes I've been doing the same thing for so long it's going to take me a little bit and that's what Heather and I have been talking about is I need help to remind me of you know how to react so be open to it all I would say is is be open to it yeah oh we had we had a little setback but I think they were pretty short-lived one one boy was melting down the others weren't so apt to jump in I felt like oh we did a pretty good job yesterday went well you know had some times that I had the boys calling at me and whatnot and I was able to stay calm kind of just blowing it off where normally I'm just squaring up to them I haven't so that's great all in all I'm super encouraged well done I'd like you to continue with that okay and move forward with that mindfulness being in that headspace slow yourself down it won't be so reactive I want the focus on their praise they look how well we did yesterday we're gonna do that again today you know the good news is with the kids is that they're really young and when they're really young you can turn it around very quickly thank you yeah so yeah you're welcome it's in the work there's no two ways about it that was a good conversation thank you Joe [Music] he notifies the Ghostbusters when he spots when you spot a ghost yeah trap them how you doing oh okay looking forward to easier times what do you think you'll do what do you think you're like why I'm going back to Portland I have an offer somebody I could stay with until I can find a place oh it's my own all right so you've already been making some phone calls since we can smoke up for you you can come back to this beautiful island and see your family nice grandma and hang out with the kids and absolutely that special time in I can see things are working and they need to be their own little family unit now it's going to be really difficult to leave here yet I have a new life waiting for me tutu's thinking about going back she'll set up her own Instagram account we'll be like watching her she'll be playing out with the girls right here and there that'd be awesome I believe it's the healthiest thing for tutu she'll be able to take a moment for herself with this next chapter of her life [Music] that's what it's all about oh yeah yeah well I want to leave you guys to it I'm super thankful that Joe worked with us I don't think that we could have been able to address the issues that we have without Joe being here through this process I've shifted my focus to just think about what's going to be best for the boys to me it's it's been priceless thank you I will remember this as one of the most difficult yet rewarding experiences that I could possibly imagine we have the tools now to creating a really healthy dynamic in this house and then seeing the changes that it makes for the kids I enjoy our next adventure I will it's about to start with nectar here in Paradise the sun wasn't always shining down on this family there was a lot of work for Dad to do there's still a lot of work for Dad to do take care thank you it is my hope that together Heather and Todd will work to nurture their boys and give them boundaries so that Heather can be the mum that she wants to be and Todd will not allow his own upbringing to define the way he moves forward as a father and that is what I hope for this family so I'm in moundfield Alabama ready to help the Brown family Angela and Michael have two boys go [Applause] mommy's very anxious and it's setting back the children and now these kids are giving their parents a run for their money on your nails oh you do not kick Mommy we're the Browns I'm Angela I'm Michael I met my wife online it was not love at first sight she thought where did this hit come from he had to grow on me my family and I own a local hardware store they just save me money by going this way then okay I'm a stay-at-home mom I love that I don't miss anything with the kids please get up it's time to get up our house is chaotic [Music] Michael Joe he's our five-year-old he thinks he's grown this is my bear our youngest Paul Mason everybody calls him Holly bead he's the one we need most help with he will hit says bad words hey throws things hey stop throwing toys at this point I would basically stand on my head to get them to listen to me when they don't I get frustrated and angry are you gonna sleep in your own bed putting the kids in their own bed is a battle that I've put off so we combined a king-size bed and a full-size bed good night one big happy family all in the same band okay better be 37.37 my mom's called Mama and she works for me at the hardware store Angela is strict but sometimes the kids do push her button look at me this is your warning that I have to bite my tongues sometimes when it comes to discipline I am the most consistent you can't have it in the living room we eat in the kitchen I get caught sometime calling my wife the warden Michael wants to be the kid's friend I don't want to be the bad guy I'm frustrated I just feel like I'm alone when it comes to disciplining the kids Nanny Joe is going to have to be a miracle worker we need help [Music] you're gonna get hurt [Music] Nanny Joe's coming to the house today and I'm very nervous she's a hard ass but she seems like she can get the family rolling in the right direction get down sit down foreign [Music] let's see how today goes Nanny Joe's coming to our house aren't you excited for her no I know Nanny Joe's really tough and honest and um a little scared of what she's gonna say no we don't jump I'm ready for it welcome to the Browns home Nanny Joe how cute is that good oh so happy to be here I'm so glad you're here hi hello hey this is nice to meet you nice to meet you Michael this is Michael Joe hi Michael Joe pleasure to meet you it's like mini me and you're poorly B right say hi can you say Hi how are you doing no so observation day for you guys today just do what you normally would during the day okay do you want to show me around so I can get the layout so this is Polly B's room he's never slept in here never never so you play in here do you poorly you're just playing climb and hope he doesn't fall and then this is Michael Joe's room he's very proud of it what do you like about your room Michael Joe my choice your toys I put this mattress down here for probably it's a poorly B and Michael Joe ever sleep in their own beds no no so having the kids in your bed is a problem yes honestly sometimes it is sometimes for you but tell me about that Michael I just want to be back I mean we we have kids since we've been married just about so we've been married five years and four and a half years we've had kids so yeah we need our time back too I mean yeah you're like I want to be with my wife in my bed but he says that but I say that but when it gets down to night time I don't want to hear him crying and all that so I just say jump in the bed and but yeah so in an ideal world that's what you want but the reality I think in an Ideal World we would both like that but we both don't want to hear them first right okay this is the family bed it has a pad that actually joins it together no really so they want to they say sleep in their own bed they don't want to be around their children 24 7. for their reasons in not doing it for what's healthy for the kids this is about parents giving their kids what they want and not what they need because what they want is to be in that bedroom all the time and they're the ones that are crossing the boundaries and the parents are not putting them in really ideally you would like them both sleeping in their own bedrooms you're done with this we're coming over here but I do feel like when they're with me I sleep better I know that they're safe she's a mom don't get me wrong but she's over protected but every time that something has happened it's happened under somebody else's watch meaning when Michael Joe he broke his elbow in charge when Paula B heard himself he was in charge he wants to be the kid's friend and he's always afraid that the kids are not going to love him if he disciplines them I just don't want to upset them and they hate me you know all parents worry about their children safety no parent likes to see their children hurt right okay see in their Master room Angela can be very controlling with the children and Michael is the friend it's a very mixed message and totally the wrong one hey hey don't do that look look don't do that get down come here I told you not to do that so this is the kitchen what's this for I don't want them in the kitchen right tell me I want them in this area so that I can watch them all right okay and there's another baby gate there's another gate here yes so they don't come through this end correct yes I am right I want to be in where I am I want to keep an eye on them yeah Angela's building walls to control things the fact is these kids don't listen and building walls won't stop it and it won't teach them anything thank you for the tour of course stop you gotta lay down yeah and why is this one crying he doesn't want to take a nap so you have to do this every day of course quite clearly poorly B is still the baby he's two years old so he's a toddler she'll be learning to do things for himself he should be talking more to communicate more but he does regress to that baby stance of sucking his thumb and crying like a baby and then getting rocked by mama so normally you'd be at work wouldn't you yes you're here because obviously I'm here well I'll tell you what I'm going to do then I'm going to go down to the hardware store with Michael as Paulie's sleeping Michael Jordan let's get your shoes on sir I'm going to pop down to the hardware shop and see Miss Debbie more more the kid's grandmother so that'll give me an opportunity to get her perspective as well [Music] hey Michael Joe you brought Miss Nene Joe with you okay um Michael Joe go and walk around the aisles for me for a minute thank you love so where would you say that you think's a little bit problematic I love Angela but she's got him one Sinker and hook what does that mean she just she wears the pants in our relationship she's got me I mean she's the boss yeah well she tells you what to do when to do it and tells you no like if you were like oh I'm gonna go out with the boys [Music] I can't answer that I can't go have a drink with the boys tonight because oh she wants me there with the kids with her she's a homebody yeah want to party every night if you could does she have keep you away from them balls was you get yourself in trouble you don't keep that in your pants or is she scared that if you go out that you're gonna go and yeah and that's what she's that's what she thought Angela has a lack of trust because Michael's Behavior has obviously not been becoming you know like what's going on there so I need to find out a little bit more all right Michael Joe let's go Debbie pleasure foreign going out and Michael drinking triggers something for you what is that I'm worried that if somebody else thinks he's more like attractive like I think he's attractive is he gonna flirt with somebody like I get a little Territorial and there's always that worry he will bring up things like we don't have I have intimacy or we don't I don't know he'll just bring stuff out of left field that makes you feel uncomfortable yeah because I feel like he doesn't love me I'm a service rejection yes there's something that they're withholding that they're not telling me so I'm just gonna ask have you been kind to one another have you had problems in your marriage uh you need to talk that truth now okay I mean yeah everybody has had trouble so can we talk about that then and just clear the air here because I kind of need to know what you're both not telling me because it's slapping me in the face it's doing this to me and nobody's talking so can we just clear that slate right now so that I can actually do my job properly Taylor you do it I had a ex-girlfriend that he was talking to because I was talking to him behind her back he had a fake phone you had to burn a phone yes right okay you started talking to an ex and two later on I found out it was a there's a second one that he was also speaking with right so there's two x's that you were talking to on the phone okay was you sexting did you meet up with him [Music] [Music] you started talking to an ex and two right so there's two x's that you were talking to on the phone was you sexting yes ma'am did you meet up with him um [Music] no just text messages I'm just going to sit over here for a minute I'm not surprised what I heard because I felt it I was just hoping that they would have the courage to share it with me and I do a lot of damage to the heart great Trust how did you close the Affairs that you were having and just start out again I told them I love my wife and I love my family and my kids and then I won't never take that away from her so you text him or called him and said that's it that's it it was over with you had to burn a phone yeah to call them on yeah she got some trust issues now that she's nowhere on that 24 7. yeah there's an app says find me and if I she knows where he's at I can find him every week don't cheat on me comes out of her mouth every week and that is what we need to work on tomorrow we will talk about that so it is the end of my observation day it's been a raw day emotional I've Just Seen myself out as you're going off to bed yes ma'am good night sleep good night good night good night come on let's go they really have made a bed for themselves haven't they things got real as a couple they're strained and we need healthy communication and the children being in their own bedrooms there's been a lot of damage done and it hit the fan tonight it's about to get worse tomorrow today's going to be interesting it is my first teach day with the family it looks like a storm is about to come through here I know one thing there's going to be a bit of a storm here this morning with this consultation that's for sure I'm looking forward to today if Joe can't fix these issues I don't think anybody can we're just ready to learn hello Kitty at school they're at my mom's right now okay yesterday it got more intense than I thought it would get and looks like nanny Joe's gonna get my butt in gear she doesn't sugarcoat anything so I'm just worried so let's get real with what I saw yesterday because you're in a bad space yes ma'am I'd like to talk a little bit about the boys and what they need because you are quite clingy it's hard to let him go they're safe with me let's talk about that because you do absolutely everything for your children and emotionally arrest them so that they're co-dependent on needing you I don't think codependency is always bad though really you're stopping where they should be in their developmental milestones probably be is treated like a baby and that's why he acts like a baby it should be able to be sleeping in his own bed he should be taking his own naps what is he doing sitting in your lap rocking in the chair clinging to you she regresses into this baby when he needs to sleep and then you pick him up and you rock him like a little baby and I love it you're like an addict holding on to your own children and they're paying the price at some stage it has to stop you both talk about wanting the kids to be in their own bed and you go and buy a double bed and you connect it to your own bed there's no healthy boundaries here you're trying to put up boundaries with gates to feel some form of control because what you're fearful of is what had happened why'd you cheat being selfish I didn't think I was getting it right why'd you cheat right what were you getting from your wife that you that you did you felt undesired correct correct a couple of women stroked your ego and made you feel good I wasn't into him he wasn't fulfilling me in the ways that I needed to I mean I just want him and I to be able to have time alone and for him to tell me positive things like I don't know what no I need you to know because he went and did what he did and you have now got him locked down so those kids were in the bed because the Maori was wanting it from you the more you emotionally weren't getting it from him right and the kids all I was was a sex object like I needed more I needed him a lot what does love look like to you not in the bedroom that's not love to me what is it it's connecting on like an emotional level I like when he asked me how my day is I want to be kissed before he leaves for work I want to be kissed when he comes home and he doesn't do those things Angela needs you to be more vulnerable she needs emotional connection your boys give you what your man ain't giving you and now you've got them held so tight you don't anymore let him go what you did was wrong no no yes what made you go and behave that way came from something underneath that the pair of you need a fix because you can't have your man on a leash it's unhealthy what if it happens again it's not your job to learn how to trust him it's a job to earn your trust what did you do every day to build the trust nothing how are we gonna expect this to get better if you did nothing hand fix this as long as you both show each other that you're making an effort to improve then you're on the right track I'm ready to see change I'm really ready criticism isn't easy for me to hear but I'm anxious excited and just ready to start getting to work I love you too I know it's gonna be a process but it was just hard to hear the things that Nanny Joe was saying has been messing up for so long that it's gonna be work but it's it's time it's time for a change [Music] Gates what were these Gates put up here for so do you think we should take down the gates what do you think Daddy yes ma'am we need to bring the gates down yeah I think so go get your screwdriver let's take a nap this is my first teach day with the Brown family and one of the first things that I want to do is take down those Gates yeah I can do it Angela was using the gates to control the children's Behavior because they were never listening to her all right and what she needs to learn is how to have healthy boundaries without these Gates I know it's the one getting the house mess here and my wife's I'm not like that as much but I really think this is great for Angela so that is taken care of the both cakes are off look at this look it looks so different removing the gates is kind of giving up some control but it's nice I'm giving my kids a fresh start Holly B it's almost nap time mommy's cooking it's dangerous it's hot you can stand right here by the trash can stop [Music] [Applause] [Music] you created this I know and now we're going to untangle it you've made him so attached to you you've both got separation anxiety we're gonna do a technique called off the hip technique every time he grabs your leg you're going to come down to his level and you're just going to have arms length and you can say darling I've got to get some work done okay but you can sit and you can watch me oh you can sit on the sofa it's up to you off the hip technique is a proven tested technique of mine because what it does is establish a healthy boundary it allows the child to know that the parent is around without feeling the need to be attached to them constantly [Music] um it's okay mommy's right here my heart was saying pick him up but my head was so mean though listen stay consistent this is what you need to do Angela continue doing what you're doing I couldn't believe Angela that'd probably be just keep crying I have to peel the potatoes normally she would pick him up put him on my hip and go rock him I'm so proud for sticking with the process [Music] you have frustration I want him to stop I want him to just figure it out and it's okay for him to express his emotions he's upset because you're not doing what you normally do you're creating this healthy boundary he's still in the kitchen but he's not on top of you right you're showing him that you can be in the same space but with a little bit of Detachment don't need the gates you just need to create an invisible boundary line here right it's eye-opening I didn't know how attached polyb really was I didn't know that by me holding him and pacifying him that I was part of the problem I was part of the reason why he is doing what he's doing [Music] say here I am you are stronger than you know so you created this I did then I forgot about it and you'll undo it I will no time for pity party right it's crying because that's what you've taught him right but me I'll do it I just have to stay consistent with him and with Nanny Joe's off the hip technique you can't change yesterday can only move forward you see how he's able to adapt yeah that's nice so let's check in with each other for real how you feeling right now I want to get it all done and I want to but that was hard today seeing Paul Mason like that oh it was it was hard today's been a day I just keep wanting to do more like I just want to keep going and fix everything but it's nice that I get to Pace myself and kind of move in a a slow but steady Pace I think I just got to keep practicing it correct that is it sounds easy it's not easy no it's tough I mean it's hard I was very surprised how intense it got today I'm nervous I'll be more intense tomorrow it is tough but I like having him here helping me she likes you yeah meaning you're present sometimes you come home and the lights are on but no one's at home Angela and Michael haven't been getting on and this strain on their marriage has had them both very disheartened but now they're learning the importance of being present [Music] it's day two today there is more work to be done with the family her night is bedtime in their own beds so mum and dad will be in that great big king-sized bed on their own Nanny's just gonna have us working yeah I think manager is silly hey stop saying that hello hey hello Colleen are you well we're well good I'm smiling this morning because I saw some progress yesterday and I'm really ready to tackle anything that she throws in my way how are you both feeling together as a couple really good I am so pleased to hear that from you both because tonight we're going to do the bedtime routine I'm ready okay brilliant let's take a look at this double bed taking away that double bed tells the kids that they have no choice but to sleep in their own beds it's gonna look so different in here it's gonna look like a room supposed to look like I can actually have my nightstand back the band coming out of our room is something that needed to be done a long time ago but we didn't want to go through the heartache to get to that point now we mean business because your own bed back that's correct the kids need to realize that there isn't another option but most importantly so do their parents because early hours in the morning you know they're going to go straight back into that bedroom and I'm not taking No Chances with that Temptation no going back no going back okay so bring both the kids come on let's go look at mommy and daddy's bedroom look at this oh what happened it's gone so listen to me this is Mommy and Daddy's bedroom this is where we sleep okay and you sleep in where you're on bed right so let's go look at your bedroom okay Show daddy where you sleep at now that's good Michael that was good look buddy you got a big bed right that's your bed this way you're gonna sleep because you're a big boy yes huh You're Gonna sleep right here yes it's gonna be hard to say now a lot of work yeah but ain't possible I just need my players on board that's right we are on board [Music] what I want to do is to stay in bed technique it really is simple it's three stages you kiss your son good night good night darling I'll see you in the morning and you leave the bedroom he will come out and when he does you will say to him his bedtime darling and you're just taken by the hand and you place him back into his bed and you'll walk out the room the second stage is just to say bedtime and you'll take him back to his bed from there forth every time he comes out you will say nothing and you'll take him back to his bed I don't think you'll have much crime with Michael Jordan but holy bead he'll start to act like a baby which will make you go I need to care for him I need to look after him in that codependent way again hoping that you'll go back to your old Behavior patterns you will only fill yourself if you don't follow the steps and do the technique I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous about tonight but I know it needs to happen look at all this JoJo got stars for you we can put Stars up above so you can see them Paulie B has never ever slept in that bedroom before so it's important to make it cozy for him when you lay down you can look at them they glow in the dark that looks more inviting doesn't it so Mom right now is putting some glow Stars up and then it will be following through on the technique oh you got this I got it I know you are I'm ready come on it's time to sleep tonight's gonna be really interesting will Paulie B be giving them trouble this evening absolutely will but it's important for Angela to do this on her own because Paulie B has always been rocked asleep by his mother [Music] well as a mom you hate hearing your child cry bedtime he's stubborn [Music] I'm gonna put my hair up this is gonna make me sweat it's real tough and I worry that Holly B won't go to sleep we've never done this nighttime routine it's different and it's hard and I know it's gonna be a long night [Music] [Music] so it's crying right now because he wants what he's used to the human pacifier Paulie B has got out of bed yeah around seven eight times it was important to follow through with that sleep technique mum was spot on she just followed that technique you think he's asleep I ain't going in no check no it's quiet sleep dream sweet dreams good night I love you all right darling do you hear that nothing probably be asleep hopefully they better be happy tears it is it's like it's unbelievable what time is it 803 come here give me a hoe laughs I can't believe that they're asleep in separate rooms I'm so happy it's unreal we've been needing this for a really long time for our relationship for our kids for our family well done I just wanted to keep doing this and not go back we won't there no way take care enjoy your evening I'll see you tomorrow yes okay today was victory for them they've been uplifted and empowered with showing themselves that they are more than capable good night should they go off to bed and poorly B wakes up early hours of the morning they know what they need to do [Music] hey it's time to get up you did so good sleeping in here last night was the first night without the kids in our band so it was amazing and I love snuggling up to my wife I'm so proud of you for sleeping in your big boy bed I've been so focused on the kids so it was nice to actually get that quality time with my husband [Music] it's teach day three and there's still more work to do certainly dad needs to do more when it comes to helping Angela with discipline hello hello Dad is so Polly with the kids but I need him to step up and be more assertive so he can take some of that load off of mum so it's lunch time here Bobby let's start eating I don't like how you talking to me look turn around Angela back off doing it Dad team with a very monotone voice if you don't start eating no it's not funny he needs to have a little bit more inflection if he's going to encourage Paulie beef and his voice needs to be a little bit higher because that's what children relate to from infancy turn around to the table can you listen to it no it's like sit down show Daddy what a big boy you are come on come on buddy got one more left one more left one more bite left let me see that Big Bite good job that was better but everything seems like it's drawn out with Michael if he can be more animated when he's giving praise then his natural tone will kick in when he's reprimanding the kids and they'll know that he's being serious listen to me just copy what I say Michael Joe you did really well Michael Joe you've done very well was that supposed to be me Michael Joe you've done very well be the goofball Dad when you're encouraging and then drop that tone when you're the person who's stepping up for the discipline you can be both it's hard because I'm just used to using One Tone I just got to get better at it it takes effort so that's what you're going to be practicing on thank you [Music] come on we're headed buddy I appreciate you being good oh we went up a few pitch look at that look how well we can do you have to go to sleep okay okay poorly B went straight to sleep so that is progress slip tight once the children are in bed I'm going to be doing the heart to heart technique with mum and dad this is about building trust and the relationship to a better space more emotional intimacy means not only a healthy relationship with themselves but also a family happier as a whole you are holding a set of keys with some heart tags what I would like you to do is to write on the heart tags when you behave when you show up when you do whatever there is that you're going to write you have a key to my heart write it down and give the keys to one another for you to keep I love that I could be open and share your heart that am I you feel you got them all why don't you read your own key to one another I love when you take charge you make me happy when I'm down I love when we communicate openly it makes me 10 times more happy and in love it makes me happy when you wake up in the morning and say I love you I'm sorry I ever let it get to this we didn't communicate for a long time I was just in denial didn't know how bad we needed it I mean I've done wrong you know and I missed us not being together and I love you I love you too you might act dumb sometimes but guess what I'm not stupid I know I know what I got I know and you're you're my queen you mean the world to me um I want you so much I've been wanting those positive affirmations and been trying to pull it out of him for so long but there's no words to describe this process hearing those things from Michael was everything we are blessed are here and we're blessed at your your helping our family out how much would it take for you to move in I'm about to leave for a couple of days trust yourselves I know what you need to do so enjoy the time that you spend over the next couple of days together as well looking forward to seeing how we do this without Nanny Joe thank you so much I am terrified but I know she's left us with everything we need good night I'm leaving this family in a good space however the kids will test him because I'm not there a few little things that happen here and there could make him wobble and hopefully fingers crossed this family will do well I've been gone for a couple of days looking forward to actually reviewing the footage and seeing exactly how well they have done so today it will be good to go over that with the family play with Michael Joe a little bit [Music] hello hi honey [Applause] we were taking our training wheels off our bike we were a little unsteady at first we may have some tweaks that we need to you know work on how you doing cowboy Nanny Joe has been pretty harsh with us in the past so I'm really worried about what you might have to say today all right y'all let's do the parental review it would have been better if you were here so you're feeling a little bit nervous that's right I want to see how you handled everything okay off the hip technique as we know Paulie B gave you a run for that he woke up in a terrible mood [Music] has to get snap ready you're okay everything is fine [Music] eat your snack good job here's what I'm gonna say here when he wakes up gets a little bit grouchy so it's no need to cry and give him some cuddles okay but then you put him down after five minutes right and you go I've got to carry on doing what I'm doing yeah and then when he then starts to continue crying more that's when you do this what you're doing as far as the physical part of the technique arms length coming down is perfect so the heart to heart let's take a look hey [Applause] I really appreciate taking the boys out today and letting me get a nice bubble bath I'm so glad that you got the boys up and let me sleep longer in this moment you're so beautiful what's on guys that's cute you clearly both need to be able to appreciate what you both do for each other when we can be more thoughtful to one another then we stop picking at the small things look how you respond to that it's appreciated it's really appreciated so just keep doing what you're doing because it's been fantastic for you both the many voices of Michael Green so good buddy so glad you're eating good tonight Michael Joe don't do this you know buddy I love you you're speaking hey did you have a wonderful day today buddy hey give me a high five that's what I'm talking about that's exactly what I'm talking about see yeah just that little bit of inflection just that little bit there that difference in tone makes a huge difference brilliant okay bedtime good night I love you poorly B uh his room I'll go straight to my brother because maybe I can get away with some stuff there [Music] I did good to just put him back they stabbed immediately when he got in the room 7 45 and both of the kids are in bed that's right we're over achievers yeah he did really well on your A-game the gold star is mine like seriously congratulations thank you you only get what you put in good job good job coats on time to go bye bye dad can I have a big hug can you tell me can I give you one thank you thank you now bye darling Michael Joe thank you [Music] you're both in a good space we ain't been this happened five years probably I'm so grateful that Nanny Joe was able to come into my house to get us on the right track because we was going down a bad Road and I believe she even saved my marriage take care this week has met everything to me Nanny Joe came into my house and fixed not just my family but my relationship in return everything else has lined up in place I feel more confident and hopeful for the future I don't want to cry I'm not gonna cry I'm not gonna cry when I'm at the Brown family they not only had parental challenges but they had difficulties in their marriage too but now they're in a good space and I can see that they feel more confident with the techniques that they've been given and that gives me hope for this family moving forward

Channel: Lifetime

Views: 799,979

Keywords: These Parents Are DESPERATE for Jo's Help, supernanny marathon, lifetime marathon, lifetime, lifetime shows, lifetime tv, lifetime channel, mylifetime, dance moms, lifetime dance moms, lifetime full episodes, supernanny, jo frost, supernanny jo, watch supernanny, supernanny lifetime, nanny, parents, children, child, kid, kids, parenting advice, parenting tips, family, families, tantrum, tantrums, meltdown, behavioral issues, behavior issues, bad behavior, supernanny full episodes

Id: yD_IQDyCKxs

Length: 124min 30sec (7470 seconds)

Published: Tue Sep 05 2023