THERAPIST EXPLAINS: This Is Keeping You Stuck in Life

[Music] just the other day I was talking with a member of our community about change and we both agreed that change itself is hard but here's the thing that really got me thinking is it's not so much about the goal or the change we want to make that's hard it's in the getting there and I know you might think well of course like duh it's not the thing that I want that's hard it's that how do I get to that thing that makes it really difficult and change is something that we talk a lot about in therapy right like I want to change my relationship with food I want to change my relationships I'd like to change the way I interact with people at work or at school or how I interact with myself I want to change that when we try to change there's this huge piece that I will even be honest is kind of obvious but something that I didn't really consider and that is the want to change then how do we stay motivated because I think we'd all agree when we're like building this bridge over from where we're at to where we want to be those first few steps can be really slippery you can feel like a slide like we're walking up we try something for a few days or a few weeks we don't get the results we want the motivation wanes and we fall back we've always thought that dopamine motivates us and that's partially true dopamine is a neurotransmitter in our brain that is part of our Reward Center now Reward Center is essentially you know when surprisingly something just goes really well we have like a great day you feel so motivated let's say you've been really really really working to give this presentation at work and then you just kill it and you get a like maybe they even give you an actual reward if we get that that releases dopamine in our brain and triggers our reward system and we feel good and we feel better and it makes us want to do it more essentially because we want to get that hit again that dopamine it feels so good over time that dopamine hit wanes and we have to do kind of more it's almost like tolerance when it comes to addiction we have to do more to get that same reward feeling and so we're doing doing and it's just not enough anymore they find that in order to sustain you shouldn't have to keep doing more you just need to set up some small goals along the way those do help keep us motivated it's done by improving our relationships and along the way we're like you know what I'd really like to see this person more so we make a point of it now let's say during that hangout not only is that our reward right we're like oh well I had a good time but let's say surprise surprise when we show up they are so excited about something we did they complimented us it went really well they were super communicative we felt energized again we were reminded why we were such close and good friends with this person let's just say that happens not only is it rewarding because we had that small goal along the way I want to get in touch with this person a little bit more and we've been doing that check that box yes then also getting together with them was just that much more rewarding and valuable and fulfilling that we get an extra hit it's almost like dopamine you know rocket ship to the Moon we get more in our system and that surprise of it makes it even more valuable and another thing that research shows is to mix it up if we keep doing like I said the same thing expecting this reward but we don't feel even though we see kind of our progress we don't feel as motivated we reach a plateau and then we usually give up because it's not as rewarding and we stop seeing the progress for what it is the best thing to do is to try different things try something new um don't be stagnant don't do the exact same thing the whole goal is to kind of mix it up so that we continue to get that dopamine hit and we continue to feel rewarded which keeps us motivated now the last thing I want to talk about is fear psychological research proves how motivating fear can be you can think about it even like in a scary movie right somebody goes and the person runs away right that fear threat to physical safety or emotional safety I want to get out of there I'm going to run and we take off and we get out we it's motivating it helps us move and do things this fear is like a prediction right our brain is making predictions all the time it's it's kind of what our stress response is made to do fight flight freeze Fawn right it's preparing us to either take action or to do what we need to do to stay safe but it can hold us stuck where we are because a lot of times fear doesn't show us what to avoid it tells us where we need to grow fear just shows us kind of the limitations we've placed on ourselves and in order to move through to make that ultimate change we have to break through it and we have to to do the thing we're scared to do it might mean we fall down and hurt like I went downhill mountain biking with Sean for the first time in 10 years when we were in Bend Oregon like last month and I fell down and scraped off my leg I'm fine I was wearing protective gear I had a helmet on I was scared but I was proud of myself for doing it I was one of only what two women three women that I saw on the mountain yeah I felt good about it even though it didn't turn out perfectly I faced my fear I did it anyways and I feel better because of it and that reward who I told anybody who would listen to it about that situation for like a week so just know that sometimes fear can be limiting sometimes fear stands in between the us we are and the us we want to be so when you find yourself a little scared do yourself a favor and consider is this fear actually something that could harm me or is it something I'm afraid could cause me some distress because without a little challenge a little distress we aren't going to be able to make that change and to become the person that we want to be and I want all of you to become the person that you want to be sometimes it just takes a little bit of guts and a little bit of facing that fear and a lot of motivation thanks for watching I hope you have a wonderful week and feel free to leave in the comments is there anything that's really helped you make change anything that you think I left out or something some tip or tidbit that was really beneficial for you leave it in the comments down below

Channel: Kati Morton

Views: 28,647

Keywords: motivation tips, feeling stuck in life, feeling stuck in your 20s, feeling stuck and depressed, feeling stuck, how to make changes in your life, how to make changes, how to change your life, how to make changes in life, how to be happier in life, how to be happier, how to be happier and more positive, how to be more positive, how to be more positive and happy, how to be more positive and happy in life, how to have a better life

Id: X_BDdeOF1NU

Length: 6min 28sec (388 seconds)

Published: Tue Aug 22 2023