The Yard 100th Episode Special! (ft. Diya)

Make some noise for Dia best ride like instead of first going after Jeff Bezos I think we should start by going after a man named Preston Bezos I found Preston's Instagram and I bully him and remind him that his parents got divorced go ahead tell us you're boring assets I was hoping you forgot that I even said I forget something that I'm ready to okay so a little challenge I've had for myself that's funny the podcast Nick started saying something and he's like actually and he's like I'll save for the podcast and then I was like I chirped at him and then he said uh it's boring it's boring I was like so you just say something boring for the podcast and he got completely owned in the span of four seconds and it's been just really making my morning really good so uh Dia what's like being a comedian like it's like something it's cool or yeah I'm learning a lot the snow are having uh for the past six episodes I've had a mini challenge in my head where I've realized while doing this [ __ ] stupid stupid [ __ ] stupid show stupid that I I put my feet up here all the time and I do it mindlessly and I can't control it and I keep doing every time I go like oh I don't I'm gonna put my feet down what I have him up there I just put them back and for six episodes I've tried to go a full episode without doing it I've failed every time oh wow that was a good job but I'm saying it every single time [Music] no I think that is a good challenge and the reason why is because I do it too and I look at the [ __ ] VOD and I'm like we we got our feet up a lot I've been doing a challenge for 101 episodes yeah standing out like this [ __ ] doing what sitting next to this guy pretending I like him dude it is hard this [ __ ] I sat there once for a sound check and I was like I don't think I can do this imagining Aiden next to me that's not a challenge we're sitting next to me I'm a 101 episodes deep into the challenge so I feel good about it yeah hey hey we have a guest everyone yes we intro Our Guest yes it's straight 80 I want the kids to be safe this is our friend Dia Dia we've known for a long time we went through melee Dia's funny because you have all the Infinity Stones of everyone here you have everything someone wants here you're better than Nick at chess you're better no no he's better than me at a lot of things what's your chest rating uh I have a lead chest rating is that uh oh no no no I can explain why his leech has pretty matters I've already felt my ego into a Hole uh so they say on Lee chess your rating doesn't matter until you're past 2000 and he's past two thousand oh so he's good at chat I've always heard Lee chess is 300 to 200 300 points higher than chess but that that dwindles as you pass a thousand even if he goes over two thousand he'd still be like 1800 yes.com yes no lunch over 2000 it cuts out completely 300 points it brings up the the thing they do on like Nintendo cartridges when you've pirated the game it's like you have stolen this copy of Chess sword doesn't hit anymore yeah it's all [ __ ] up better gamer than Nick what do you have from him oh okay so he's he's better at Nick than chess he's better than Aiden at making events he's better than you Ludwig at stand up and he has hair so beats all of us wait okay no I feel like you could have done this for real like with things he actually has that we all want but you chose not to I did use them content on yourself I didn't cop out you caught down on yourself the only thing he can beat me out here chess uh melee uh what did no I thought about this on the way here what does what do you beat Aiden at what are you better than him also also melee I'm not sure about that I can be close um no I don't know I don't know Aiden I just know that he's not straight every other months with no problems we met a we met Dia you played melee you were like always way better than everyone you were in the same region as like the people we started playing with and then you went to college in San Diego and then you remained good and there was a time where Wrangler was playing Donkey Kong and he was defeating every Marth across SoCal and you were the only one that would actively Dodge him at tournaments yeah you would just like you would drop out of bracket what did you ever drop down here I dropped out of bracket but he was asked to money match and then sort of the I would say that I'd only money match you where uh if you win you cannot tell a single soul in the world yeah but there'd be no money he'd give me money if I won but if he won he got neither any money nor recognition at all it was just a privilege but that's how bad wrinkler wanted the game all Wrangler wanted to say was that he beat every Marth in the so-counter it was the last Power Stone dude I tell you something embarrassing yeah there's this guy I forget his name but he was like this SoCal Fox sweat and he had amazing Tech skill and he was like you know classic he would get like 9 13th at a regional or something what year is this this is 2018 maybe uh he's very good you would probably know him if you saw his face can't remember his name though uh and he'd love to do it maybe no it's not great he'd love doing money matches he'd throw out five dollars a moment he gets knocked out of bracket and I'm walking by and he like kind of traps you like a car salesman he's like five dollar money match and I like I like I know this guy's Fox like I I hate playing against him as Puff because he like camp out laser Camp perfectly but I was like all right fine and we play and then uh and then he takes game one I'm like I like already regret doing it not even because the five dollars just hurts to lose game two I win instantly I'm like I'm out he's like what I'm like I give him five dollars I walk away I'm like I'm out that's crazy so smart and I was like I was like we got one one you could have the five dollars but I'm not gonna play game three you brought it even and then you you said sharks I'm out yeah yeah because I already knew he was ready to counter pick to some [ __ ] you know stage some stage or six stages but then if you don't play he'll never know he'll never know he'll never know and the crazy part he's watching this right now trying to explain people like this is me and No One Believes it yeah and so so that's how we know Dia and then Dia was on bad melee an episode two episodes and then it was a crazy question one realization I had I think I maybe said this before is like one day I like posted like an insane melee combo that I hit on Twitter and the Tweet flopped compared to me saying like poopy diaper LMAO slime and like that one pops off yeah uh and I was like oh I don't have any melee followers really anymore like most people who follow me are like Ludwig adjacents or like people watch the yard and I was like I was a dark day when I realized that my followers don't come from like this community that I came from uh do you think that if if uh you posted wait what were you what was this what you just said what was the thing you just talked about Ted Kaczynski rest easy you can't just say that yeah you can't just say that casually said it in private why wouldn't I say we're titling this episode that you don't have to double praise I blamed on what we were just talking about but it's important if slime were to put up a combo video or something Neil Rossi playing against don't put your feet on the thing I guess I forgot I guess it's gone he really is a pro it's like it's too early in the morning I don't remember either what we were talking about yeah that's not my job dude I think about the same thing you thought about like when you reach a certain level of success the people who care about you are not who you wanted because for me it's just like you just want to impress people from your high school yeah yeah your crush from Highs are like seeing you is that where you're at it hasn't happened you're it that's the Zuckerberg yeah yeah you made Facebook just for the well at least in the movie The Social Network yeah thank you thank you and I watched that movie no but you also there's what always pissed me off about Dia is that you are you like getting your p HD yeah that's so [ __ ] annoying yeah and then was that crazy in Neuroscience yes go [ __ ] yourself no one knows what that is I've never seen euroscience yeah it's just like the the material to make all the French gay it's just like a house beat classes it's also funny because like I've known an idea for a long time and I've talked to DIA a lot India has never once like mentioned Neuroscience like in passing or in conversation reflect science about the brain it's not that easy to bring up something they're like we'll find a way to work it into their life because like no one cares and they want someone to care that's what the Wrangler money matches are for these are just there like by the way let me tell you about a cool question he never got me Are you ashamed that I never was able to beat me do you think beating regular would have gotten your high school crush to like you I didn't know I really want to change my whole path trajectory yeah you'd be a broken Pro Smasher right now in a [ __ ] Jersey if I won the match yeah yeah I can do anything I beat the monkey it's it's finally those only fans might have started like five years earlier oh yeah yeah he would have made the website so that he could use it he loses he loses to the first Martha he's like I need to show my penis to people of only fans is very funny thing where he like uses no no she she has a very pretty I know this I know this but earlier you said like oh well Breslin it in response to like making a long-term joke yeah and you could have just you know like there's way better examples in Breslin as well there's not there's two syllables and you got the point he kind of owned your ass um what is it in your brain that makes you good at stuff you just do you hate being bad at stuff yeah dick I don't think I'm that good in anything I just been doing a lot of things for a while like do you think okay first of all why did you just make us all take a humble suppository with that sentence because if you're better and that everyone here in melee and chess and rock climbing and stand up and well that one I don't care about is it better at rock climbing too yeah you better than me rock climbing I like my man yeah you can't shove those humble suppository upper bums because you're better than all of us and we try this is like two years ago uh I follow him on Twitch but every time he streams he has literally zero viewers that's what you're better at uh and this time it like it went live and it was like Dia is playing Valor and I was like no no no no no you can't take this one away from me and I click into it and it's Diaz brother playing Valor on his Twitch account and I'm like I'm like this is India I'm like trying to figure out what to do it fires it up and there's just a little radiant icon and it's just like oh I couldn't handle it just like come eater 420 and it's like no yeah I wouldn't be able to handle you only pursue things with the intent of getting somewhat good at it they're confident at it no I just want to get really into things I don't really care about getting good but all the things I like done I had gone into and I was like going to college and I feel like when you go to college you get obsessed with things I started climbing and doing stand-up and playing a lot of melee all around the same time and I just kind of been yeah doing it pretty much every day ever since so along with you know Neuroscience what do you what do you [ __ ] at what does that mean what's your worst what's something that you try at and like you do it a lot but you're just bad well I like chess like the depends on it do you stop and try shooting games yeah I I play I played a good amount of value over the pandemic and I was always terrible at it would you peek I was like gold three or something that's the lowest one without your first shooter I played a bit of Halo 3 in high school it was your first like mouse and keyboard shooter yeah yeah okay wow cool I'm good fundamentals though yeah I'm sure I'm sure but like what what we did so Dia's been doing Santa for a long time he's always been just like generally funny as well and so uh we like started uh this podcast called the yard you may have heard of it and we got like really it's success we made a lot of money from it that we still make and we're like you know what we should do we should shoot like a comedy special for Dia because he's been doing well first we said for ourselves we realized none of us are funny um we did yes we did yeah and then we were like wait a minute wait I have an abortion joke from 2016 I want to run by you later I still think that's a good joke running right now oh I don't know if I'm prepped enough I gotta come here your Jesus joke is still funny bro you just said oh I have a great story I'll tell it later that's what you just did well I want to run a bottom later I'm just we have him here okay fine uh I I don't really remember it so like cut me some slack here this is good this is about like seven years old welcome to the uh the quad the ASU Sun Devil Square it's Lois it's loading everyone okay videos okay for a little bit of context this is before they overturned Roe v Wade don't know what that is too many abortions these days huh here's a question because everyone is always asking you know what when does a baby become a baby you know I remember and and Democrats are like right before it's about to come out and Republicans are as it's like when you go hey what's your name man what's your name man Breslin Breslin that's uh [ __ ] kill yourself anyway so I was saying with the focus it's like right with like Tick Tock I don't want to be on it for sure the Crux of the joke all right is that don't explain the joke you have to rephrase the question it's not when does a baby become a baby it's when does it count as a threesome yeah it would show up on a stream people like yo I found this I found this Hidden Gem and it's got like 50 000 views of Ludwig doing stand up in college six figures these days this is before Roe v Wade don't look at me like that this is a different time no three ways with babies those were chill Nick was right I didn't like uh people are having too many abortions nowadays that's like that's like that's like how right wing comedy is yeah like it's just like a political thing with nothing more or less than that it's just like a abortions are bad yeah there's that uh there's that comedy club that Joe Rogan opened right and it's like in Texas and you're not you have to check your phone at the door yeah which is really funny because it's like don't be afraid just be you it's okay they do the they've done that they've been a thing well it it what's his name does that div spell a lot of shows do well I I was so when I was a proposal writer at a government engineering company I promise this is interesting I went to uh no it doesn't work on me I would do or a con a conference to learn how to write better proposals with my boss it was in [ __ ] Seattle first time I've been there and they opened the final day of the conference they hired a stand-up comedian and it was like at 8 A.M show I've never heard of this guy in my life I it was like an hour-long show it was pretty good I was like who the [ __ ] what industry is this this is crazy to do well at 8 A.M you're not funny I think that's a rule of my life if you're someone who wakes up at seven every day you're probably just not very funny it was so weird and so it's just a bunch of like [ __ ] boring people listening comedians at 8am Sunday morning and uh he so someone starts filming during the show like 20 minutes into the show he dead stops like he was like real jovial guy dead stops like excuse me you put the phone away please and it was like it destroyed the vibe it is funny to be like someone doing corporate dudes to make a living but also having like all this Artistic integrity this is my act I don't want to go out to the public it was it was so it killed the vibe it was like you're opening at like a Deloitte conference meeting yeah but but no what department are you in and then you just [ __ ] on the department and yeah yeah workers like that also I hate to break the flow but I remembered what I was going to say earlier this will be good I remembered it I was gonna say do you think that when you say bad melee on our show a majority of people know what you're talking about no but it's but it's fun to say things like and so people who don't know be like oh yeah yeah like at home he's gonna make them nervous at home they'll be like yeah a bad melee and I'll look it up and be like oh okay yeah yeah the D episode I think it's like a lose-lose because the people who don't get it just lose out on the understanding of what you're saying and the people who do get it if they go to your chat they're like I like bad melee you tell them to kill themselves cool we we of Gatekeepers and we should continue to do oh my God rainbow did the dopest [ __ ] yeah it was so sick yeah but that's not gatekeeping that's the opposite of it no it's it's being a hater rainbow the geoguesser guy there's someone who's on Tick Tock who's like this bagel's so good and he's eating the bagel and he's like I'll never tell you where my bagel's at in New York City and then and then rainbow spends like the next 60 hours of his week just finding where the bagel is finds it post it finds the owner of the bagel shop tells him to name that Bagel the rain Bolt And if you go to their shop and you ask for the rainbow you'll get that guy's Bagel that's dancing that's illegal I don't support that he did he's like he's like this is where you sat he's like this is the CU satin it was very sick but it's it's both sides of the coin gatekeeping is cool but if a giant hater comes through and doesn't like it then he wins you know that's okay I'm a man of code is what I'm trying to say do you love the dudders stop stop don't don't do baby Talking Mirror Company you're you're doing your Neuroscience PhD right now but you're also like you you filmed a a comedy special where is your I was wondering what your life is going to turn into like which Fork are you following yeah I feel like I am like a pretty bad grad student so yeah yeah you don't do you don't do good work yeah I don't do my homework to this day you're allowed to be working on a PhD but also talk about homework like the rest of us right right oh [ __ ] my school sucks I got homework to do my doctor you're not allowed to not like homework it is funny this is my first time I like 10 years off if I went back to draft school so this is my first time like how do you write like the name and date in the top right of something and it was pretty painful that first moment where it was just like and you get to write the subject online yeah you're back right I have a pencil case and [ __ ] how old are you 25. damn you're like oh you're like still wondering if you can get away with like two like 2.5 x spacing on the paper right right I'm making my periods periods 14. uh dude you got AI now though you can just win do you use AI you can't really use AI for the the stuff it doesn't really help too much it looks like draw draw a picture of what hands look like and explain the brand next to it that's my one weakness yeah you're working on Research when you're in your pH PhD right like you're not you're not like studying something that already exists and then like answering questions about it you're like making the material yeah most uh most like you'd say one or two classes Max and you mostly do research and classes are mostly like just discussing a new paper what if I told you that there's a guy out there he should be studied who has said the phrase all right man in an Eastern European accent 12 000 times since covet started now get get them in get him into the lab do you think that would be an interesting thing to sort of like dissect and there's a two over there we need to remove it right now right and it's shaped like all righty man I'm tired of pretending what is neuroscience it's just uh the study of the brain um that's it why do they call it what see you guys didn't know this thank God because I knew someone else here didn't know no you know explain it explain it go ahead yeah it's like the study of your brain and neurons and like what the different parts of it and how they work together Does it include the brain's connection to the spine probably yeah but yeah that is part of your your spine is part of your nervous system right which part of the brain is the most delicious it was weird because I did take a class for you like my first time I set like a human yeah brain cadavers [Laughter] okay we make the first years eat the cadaver though [ __ ] her out a little bit you get you you will get a disease that's right was that was that horrifying I mean it is weird like so like there's like the the body and then uh there's like a little car that has the brain still in the body well you're using a full cadaver no you're not using the full album but there's bodies around you so you get the brain itself but then you're essentially you put your damages for other things so you kind of know where it came from and there's a car that says like the name of the person and how they died dude that's [ __ ] up and the [ __ ] up part is like it's eight it's like 8 30 and I got I got things to do so if you're like I need my coffee so yeah so I'd finish early on this and this is the last part of this guy that'll exist in the human realm it's like his body his last donation and I'm just like ah we'll do this we'll figure out this other section later you're not even using his whole body some dude pudding is like organ donor thing yes on his driver's license right now is like my body will be used for science yeah it's actually getting [ __ ] left that'll be me one day okay well I'm part of California's evil system where they get motorcyclists to give their organs up you know the motorcyclists are the highest organ donors in the state and they give out those licenses for free they are your organs are the most delicious to us I got delicious me and zippers organs are gonna come to you so you zoom man bring them home or something yeah did I ever tell you guys in seventh grade we dissected frogs and I put the frog liver in my pocket ew this is not even the first I put meat in My Pocket story frogs it was cool uh you know and then so but the the frog liver it looked like a big old thick Penny zipper look at frog and uh what and I just I just kept it I don't know it is so I brought it to my next class which is reading this period with Miss Patterson who was a babe oh that's a teacher name and she got flowers sent to her one day so you know she was [ __ ] so that's cool yeah I have him a frog liver on the desk and you give it to her and she's like what's that oh oh yeah that's what it looks like it it just it's like old times [ __ ] yeah this still [ __ ] me up I didn't want to do it in high school I don't want to do it now and I set it on the desk and she's like what what is that and I'm like it's from Mr burwell's [ __ ] seventh grade class we just dissected frogs uh and she's like throw that away and wash your hands and then I got yelled at a little she's right yeah formaldehyde is dangerous oh who's to say what is dangerous or not but what I'm saying is I'm like you yeah yeah I didn't take a piece of the you didn't take a man's brain with you that's got to be a crime I am I must be I think that he's like a HIPAA for Neuroscience people did you see bro's meat no no don't phrase it like that man have you seen cadaver penises no no they they cover they eat those that's the delicacy that's what the french operate on did you know when if you get an ACL replacement it's cadaver tendon did you know that that's for real what does that mean like a dead person's tendon gets grafted onto your body like on someone else's real life tendon I don't want that you see somebody limping desk job he'll be fine but yeah they put like a dead man's tendon in your leg it's like the procedures what parts of your brain can you live without I think like actually uh a lot of the outer parts like the sort of so the outer parts like the cortex which is kind of the higher level stuff and a lot of like stuff we discovered about the brain is a lot of just people who get stabbed in the brain and then you see like it happened a lot there's like a famous like Phineas gauge yeah railroad spite through prefrontal Parts oh yeah and everyone it's funny because the whole study is like he got stabbed in the brain and he's like a huge [ __ ] now so it must be like an [ __ ] part of your brain yeah it makes you a dick yeah stab there it's a button in the center right so that's a hard profile picture it is like insane that he loved that I actually have never seen it's been a while since he walks into the doctor he's like I got a bit of a problem with him holding the railroad spike that went through his brain he's done that's the thing that went through him and he did a photo shoot with it but he was all he's addicted to everyone on set yeah maybe he's a dick because everyone keeps asking about it everybody's chirping about it yeah he's like he's like yeah man I [ __ ] lived it it's like me streaming everybody asked me the same question I just want them to ask something else about me yeah he looks like Tucker Carlson am I crazy yeah you're crazy we should get you in a neuroscience lab to see if that happened when you're a baby that's why you are the way you are when you stream I got tubes in my ears does that count what the [ __ ] that I don't know I've always told me [ __ ] you had tubes in yours when you're a baby I'm like that's crazy you don't know what that means how do I ask questions you guys are what are you cop do I went to uh the doctor recently and the the nurse was like super interested in my my scar on my hairline and she was and she knew exactly what it was like she was like did you have a uh uh and it was it called a tissue expander when you were a baby I was like yeah how the [ __ ] do you know that and uh she was like and then she was like what hospital and I was like oh I told the hospital she's like I might have done it that's crazy she was she was like I did tissue expenditures exclusively at that hospital when I was a nurse uh from like these years to these years and I was like I'm that age it'd be crazy if you put down that fraud 11 in front of Miss Patterson she was like tubes in your ears yeah but that happened I was like whoa maybe it was you shorty that's kind of that's kind of hype imagine you guys got married she was a nurse when he was a baby yeah it'd be kind of weird he grew up it's like the Ultimate Grooming I was also busy I was like I just come out of surgery I wanted to make sure his hairline looked really good for 20 years down the line for me I was like I don't know if it was you but thanks I think he saved me a lot of uh embarrassment in high school I mean we all saw the pictures of what you used to look like it was grotesque yeah truly bit of a freak yeah you know I realized that I never wear sunscreen and I'm it's like it shows that's like it shows it shows it shows on your face in every part of your skin you look like a 46 year old seven-year-old man you got the elephant if they if they hit you that UV camera you'd look like a ghoul you look like fondant that has been dropped and you guys don't want to look like that which is why today we're sponsored by native specifically it was native sunscreen it is great because it's quickly absorbing lightweight and it also helps you from UVA and UVB rays the thing is if you don't wear sunscreen you will age no don't look at yourself now it's not the time to be vain it's vegan and cruelty free oils SPF 30 protection from UVA UVB like Ludwig just said UV rays shine through even on cloudy days and they can be bad let me say if you did use native sunscreen what scent would you like yeah because you obviously don't because you look terrible like I said because you need Scent to drink water which side Peach and nectares I look like I have elephants elephant skin they basically look like your own dad plus some more you look like you're about to become a Dior bag God anyway thank you so much to Native sunscreen guys if you want to give your skin the protection it deserves did they send us product yep with natives mineral sunscreens you should wear sunscreen they actually desperately sent it to us because we saw you yeah much like climate change it is too late for you uh get 20 off your first order by going to nativeto.com the yard or use promo code the yard at checkout that's nativedeo.com the yard you can use promo code ER to check out for 20 off your first order is it too late to turn climate change around yeah yeah that for sure that and for sure that yeah not too late for you wear sunscreen every day so I do enjoy that native deodorant hey thanks cut back to the native deal hey thanks back to the podcast I don't think this feeling ever go away what do you what is it if you end up your program you finish it what do you end up doing let's say all comedy is outlawed yeah what what the Liberals want there's like yeah there's like 40 sketches about this it's like comedy clubs in 2040 and it's like what's up with gay people and then it's like police shows so always outlawed because the Liberals win yeah and everyone's gay with each other yeah yeah what and you have to be a neuroscientist what does that even mean I think like a doctor yeah I think there's like two paths one's like saying in Academia it's like a post-doc is you do more research than you teach become faculty associate one and the other is like I'm like a computational neuroscience I do like a lot of programming so there's all like the software you can go into like software or just like AI development at like meta or something yeah I can map brain good I saw I arrested yesterday whoa exactly yeah that's what they call it in you could go on to enslave a solid neuralink yeah oh I have a career path for you Amy very popular okay so people they go to school a long time they become an experts at their field and then they they get really ripped and then uh they make a YouTube channel and then they explain it all for dummies so an example this is like legal eagle illegal and then you just react to stuff and you'd be like Neuroscience YouTuber maybe again you're ripped yeah and like the doctor guy the doctor guy and then you're like Dr Mike and you're like yeah so actually AI brain scans are crazy and this is why and then you can react to TV shows where they have brains in it you did get on the get on the horn before wired it could be like a you'd be like the hip-hop neuroscientist and you'd be like like Dope music on YouTube reacts to Gray's Anatomy dude that's good there's a whole market and then you have cerebral bars yeah because like you don't go everyone that's what a moral technology of neuroscientists first yes literally my mom tells me she's like you like comedy well you should go into like brain science and be funny is that your parents way of being like just just get the degree no exactly they're like that's good for science if you have a good sense of humor about it just you know what's funny is I uh well I didn't think about when we shot Dia's special so we did two two shows back to back it was like 45 minutes and uh the first one your parents came to yeah and the next one is that no yeah because remember he left out a joke because his parent it was about his parents and in the first set really yeah dude I was not put on to this no one told me this Oh I thought you knew I thought we genuinely talked about it but but yeah Dia left out a joke from the second from the first set because his mom and dad are right there yeah and then you said and it's very funny I don't even I don't even repeat it because I understand why you did why you did it is it bad yeah you never go home and think well today's the day laughs I was gonna make a Menendez brothers joke but I realized literally no one would get it so I think people would get that they were very popular because they're really do you know about the Menendez brothers they had a huge Resurgence on Tick Tock because they're hot oh oh dear would you ever kill your parents no I don't I don't think so is this is what the Menendez brothers tackles killed their parents and they're incredibly wealthy and then they spent all the money and then investigators were like that's crazy and then like they got charged with a crime but then there's a huge peop a group of people on Tick Tock where like they're hot they killed them because they're abused and they actually deserved to kill them because they're super abused and they just were trying to get out of the situation and they're hot and they're hot you have your burner phone that you [ __ ] paid six thousand dollars for in prison money right we looking like Matt rife's like family history it's like that was actually George Carlin that's crazy dying around the time that he started a little popular we were talking about the The Meta because they're just asking dear questions like apparently Matt Rife is the handsome Squidward comic and everyone hates it yeah he's just a dude I see on like my Instagram and I'm like this guy's too pretty to be a comedian I think which is probably a toxic mentality oh he's the guy who's like who gets like letters from moms and stuff yeah yeah wow he's never seen that one no it'll be it'll be like it'll be like a mom and be like I made you this shirt and the shirt's like I I slept with moms it'll be like this is crazy you're so sweet be crazy you had more than for me or something it is funny like who your audience ends up being because everyone who the people I feel like who love my Tommy the most are people who look exactly like me I don't ever approach him to show someone who has that same height Indian dude and he's like I get it dude speak to me how do you break how do you break through to the to the the ludwigs of the world and the moms yeah I'm sorry that's probably more important the moms how do you get into MILF comedy you gotta get ripped I'm telling you Dr Mike moms love them I feel like you've you've started a judgmental angle here every suggestion for DIA has just been put on some muscle don't worry yeah that's the one I think that he's got on us it's like half Thor when you [ __ ] gapped him yeah that was fun we stay on top at Mogul Move [ __ ] well sure okay aggressive no say it like again like the end of the camera is come find me anytime he's so humble too um so you how do you do have two very diverging pads like Aiden said neurodivergent if you will oh that means something different right no Neuroscience Reading Comedy you can't just save people who are doing Neuroscience or neurodivergent they are idea are you neurodivergent no I don't I don't think so but when you came up with two words that kind of fit generally input in what he said as smart as a computer oh man I'm gonna keep doing comedy like do you have a game plan are you just rocking it seeing what happens yeah I mean I just like uh I feel like to do stand up and make a living off of it it does take a long time and uh I never really I like enjoying what I do so I've always wanted to have like a day job I really enjoyed so right now I'm kind of doing two things I really like and uh I really it's hard to imagine not doing one of them so I I think ideally I kind of keep up with both you were saying it's like the trajectory is is interesting because not a lot of like when you start to do stand up you go from like going to open mics and being [ __ ] to getting slightly better over years and years and years and then like maybe you like make it somehow right but you happen to be friends with some guys that wanted to spend money and be producers and see what that was like essentially right right so it's like there's this cheat code I guess yeah I guess all these things is like you know when you start doing something there's like so there's like 100 of it is fun and it's related to the thing and I think that as you start like trying to make a living off of it um that ratio the new things it's like three percent fun but then 50 Logistics you can do a lot more things just to build your career and same in Academia too if you want to become a faculty you have to think about legit you think about papers and ways to get there and right now I can kind of just do the fun parts of both things without having to think too hard about like really what pushes me to the next step I I had to do like Tick Tock crowd work videos I also don't have to like in research I feel like if you're about to go if like if you have a scalpel in hand and you're like you ready I'm like you know whatever you're if you're like I don't really think too hard about yeah I'm actually comedian all right here we go yeah and then the gas would put me under and it just dreams now forever uh yeah my daughter is so chill he has such a relaxed balance in his life also I think I'm a dog now he [ __ ] something up I just really like bones I went to Santa shirt for the first time in like seven years a couple weeks ago it's horrible no it's so bad was it an open mic it was not it was uh we went because one of Cutie's friends was supposed to be on the show but when we got there we found out that he just kind of set up the show and he was like the uh the MC host yeah not even the host the person who sourced all the crowd what I forget it's not a brain drift usually yeah like uh you can do my show if you bring 10 friends you can do five minutes yeah my first shot was a brainer I had no idea they're like dude you're so funny dude come to my shower bring as many friends as you can and that's what you need five minutes I brought like 17 people I was so stoked I think it'd be like five minutes and then the crowd is all your friends do they have a relationship where they he one one month he brings and then one month he performs was it a Flappers by any chance it was at the yard oh yeah yeah I've always thought we should just do a show there right it's a very small venue it's like a hundred total people in this concrete Alleyway looking bill building and we go in and uh and instantly I realize that he's not going to perform because the host gets up and he's like everyone performing tonight's in the writer's Guild strike I'm like that [ __ ] is not the writer skill you're the League of Legends trainer he's not working right now but I don't think he's striking I don't think so uh everyone actually did mostly fine I'm being a little harsh but the last Comic uh just did a 10 minute long rape joke uh and and said it more times than I've ever heard in my life wow this is it's this woman and the crowd was y'all ever at the rape convention buying a rape t-shirt no but it was like it was actually like that and she was like she was like I think everyone should have a pass on three rapists and she's like mine's R Kelly like I'm gonna listen to him and then my friend Bob he's kind of chilling all right part but then the crowd she could sense is kind of like uneasy and you know I thought she'd bounce back do some crowd work she's like [ __ ] you guys I'm doing five more minutes of this and then she did five more minutes of it wow which to an extent I can respect but the crowd did not change well it's harder when you don't have any other material and you kind of went all in yeah it is fine when the setup to a judge is defending our Telly that's like that's supposed to be funny the uh also gonna say uh to that [ __ ] you got just my mind jogging with I can't say that what do we jog your mind with unless you're my jogging about there buddy put you in the Neuroscience I forgot it was so funny bro we should never podcast in the morning ever again I'm doing great ketchup ketchup sweaty huh anyway uh uh I I realized that I um I would struggle to go back and do stand up again because I did it a good chunk in college um but none of my old material would work and I just I'd have to come up with new material and that's hard well yeah every abortion thing was pretty fire yeah the abortion thing kind of flops because the Roe v Wade got it returned and then all my other jokes were being a struggling college student which at this point would just be weird LARPing you know like like 90 of men have that fantasy of like how they would how they would do in like a bar fight and that they would just like destroy the other guy and walk out with like bruises but win I feel like if you're under like 120 pounds the other thing is guys who think they would kill stand up like I would go on stage and I would just have the dopest set because all my friends think I'm funny I think most people the most people who get into stand up see someone doing it poorly yeah and they're like wait a minute hold on yeah I will have at least this guy's notoriety yeah within the first the year of doing it they see they see they're like that's the bar huh yeah exactly I think I've I've listened to people that's their exact impetus wow that's actually interesting because the the reason I started uh wine the reason I wanted to work in Esports being a video editor at first was I saw something I hated there you go and I was like I want to do this because I think this I think this is bad this is bad or I've done things that are better than this or something I think it's a good reason to get into that why did you get into it what made what who are you I got into in high school I really liked to write I wasn't writing a lot of like lawn-form stuff and then uh it just like I never really liked how it's just hard to show really hard to get feedback you got to put out this whole thing you gotta write this whole thing and anyone who'd read it like you're related to and then uh or like and then they would be nice it's hard to get genuine feedback and then I saw a Bo Burnham show actually like summer after I graduated and I was kind of into it it had Brandon Wardell hosted I remember what year was this 2015. it was a pirate is made happening San Diego um I remember Brandon I remember seeing him being like I could I could write some I didn't write something random Bordeaux was your guy I think he was my guy yeah you know what I know what's funny is uh I actually like for a long time uh I promise this will come somewhere at the end I I did not find him funny at all and it was like mainly because all I really seen was like some stuff on Twitter and then I watched it stand up um but then uh we saw him yeah and he did really really good stop show and he was like probably one of the funniest acts there besides stuff um and I was very pleasantly surprised don't have good [ __ ] days because days in bad days be clear this is from someone who's just not a comedian I don't mean to come off like yeah I would kill this [ __ ] or anything we are [ __ ] baby mode because we turn on the microphone and if if Ludwig says they've thought the Breslin thing was funny for like a year it's it's not funny really anymore if I could go on stage into the same joke for a year straight and kill it I think that'd be pretty tight you can't that's what tours are how often do you make new material or write new material I tried because I mostly in Chicago I tried to like after I filmed the special I try to do mostly new material but if like the show's in ports and I kind of dip back into the I think a really big fear that I can't speak for him but like for I I had before we had done the special was like [ __ ] what if it's just not funny like what if it's not funny and we have to like tell our friend we don't want to post it yeah yeah I had that deep looming fear we never saw a Diaz I only ever saw Diaz stand up Clips which are good but I was like I've never been to a show yeah my yeah my fears just came basically from nowhere it was just like the fear for the sake of being scared and uh I think there's been you know when we finished it I was like I was very confident like this is funny it's gonna be good but I think one thing that kind of solidified it for me was I found myself over the past because we shot it like how long ago was it now a year ago a year yeah um and I found myself over the course of the year I've had to fight accidentally referencing material like while I'm joking on this show that's cool dude that's still one of your jokes what was it uh [ __ ] you'll never know wow do this recently that did I you did it in the you did this in the patreon episode recently but it was like detached enough where I was like it'll be arrested I said raccoon tambourine I think I think he says something like this no you said that uh something had a Confederate flag on it yeah and it was like a company I've done this before I took something so verbatim from you just like as a as a as a phrase on the podcast I remember the last premium you said that some company was so old their thing had a Confederate flag on it and I instantly was like that's from Dia's thing I wasn't from Mad Rife at Chile dude going up on stage and like and like stealing his jawline like getting plastic surgery yeah I'm trying out a new thing without working out twice if you opened for him and did that or something you've got plastic surgery no no but like a fake like clay he should walk out with one of the jaw exercisers like the rubber things you chew on and like pull it out before that'd be a great that'd be fun I'll keep bringing this up you've brought this up before I just think of people with that jawline I think of the have you seen people chew on them yeah no it's [ __ ] up looking fine I've seen it but it's I think that's just usually like like the blood that feels like I don't know how much they actually really work yes I mean I think it's mostly genetics I think it's funny yeah it's way crazier than his jawline is his [ __ ] lips he's just got huge Lush okay hands up if you think you'd want to [ __ ] Matt Rife [Laughter] I want to see the jaw exercises no not Matt Rife those are gonna work out this muscle yeah can you imagine just being sitting in the mirror and being insecure about this muscle that's brutal well I mean it's tough isn't it like the masculine identity is tied to like look at my [ __ ] job I have a video pull a video well yeah I mean whoa damn it she's mad at Zipper it will Giga Chad that's the whole thing right yeah it's just like an ultra jaw Ultra when I found out he was a real human that [ __ ] me up that did [ __ ] me up too because I thought for sure this is like some edited fake human wait no it's a cartoon it's oh you're saying it's based on repeat it's just a picture of a guy it's a real guy who is like that and they took a bunch of black and white photos of a guy that looks like that so that's a silhouette like his actual if he stands at a certain profile the Giga Chad guy is well actually maybe he is AI no he's real you have you met him have you met him is it really your basis you've met enough oh my God this looks like a sex toy this is the jaw exerciser why is it giving the eyes dude this is crazy imagine you like walk he's walking around I mean the jaw does look big is this like book this is like doing Kegel exercises for your mouth Aiden would have one of these and just be like yeah I saw it on Etsy it'd be funny if you were watching like man I really want to become a better climber yeah I figured I could get my mouth involved I was gonna ask you do pissed at the video games because I wanted um in general yeah in general because Aiden oh wow this is before and after this he looks the same he actually does look identical his lips look maybe bigger but I think it's just the way they're sitting but he has more self-confidence now yeah I just wanders to self-esteem I see you as someone who is like you just don't get mad and like you just because part of being really good at improving it stuff is not spending time getting angry and I say this directly thinking about Aiden last night who had a bad game of valorant and just snapped so you find DIA to be stalid and Aiden a Fickle [ __ ] yeah and I'm asking you if that evaluation is right for one no I mean uh I think I think I'm really calm in most things but I think playing online games kind of brings up a whole thing out of my spirit that gets mad like I will play like netplay and play like to puff and then get like Furious really probably more mad than I've ever been in my life playing by myself what does furious look like for you your slam desk I don't really slam Dash I don't think not really but I just got mad I'm like I'll stop you're just you're like darned right [Music] dude oh my God one time I told my KO who's running it down that I hoped his mother died in a car accident so wow yeah he said the n-word too but that's that okay they're a racist and Aiden plays at the office and he's here like 2 A.M jiggly also plays at the office now I don't know they both do yeah and and Aiden like they lose their game and then Aiden asked me about scheduling and I and I get mouthy at it I I basically made fun of him for not reading the groups you're him I jeered him and he gets and he's like I'm not gonna argue with you about this and then he exits the call and just leaves and then after he leaves Nick English like he just can't play video games when he's mad like he's just I don't want to tell him this but he's just gotta stop when he's mad like I'm sitting across from this guy and he's [ __ ] slamming the desk and he said he sounded like it was an intervention that you weren't at you can work on some exercises shut up like jumping jackets I have an unhealthy habit I I like looking people up after we lose seeing their records no seeing their life finding the yeah find their Instagram yeah I also do this I played what I played a game of solo queue game up okay I got to play one game at night usually that's it that's all I have time for is maybe one game some sometime in the nights most most nights I don't play unless you're with your your bear uh unless I'm with you yeah we slop up and so I played one game one game the other night and and like we're doing okay and I'm top fragging and I'm common and it's a silent Lobby occasionally someone chirps up and at the very end we lose like six rounds straight and it's just like this last round it's a quarter of the game it was seven to seven and we're like we're losing six right yeah and uh and so I just hop on I'm like hey maybe we all call it after this one or like you know okay like we all should go to bed a little joke and uh and then bought frag on the team types it goes you're not that good I'm like I'm like say to me like don't type it to me say it to me and then like she's she pauses for a while like her character doesn't move and then like the round goes on and then like as we're about to lose she drops uh [ __ ] and then without skipping a beat I go eat [ __ ] and die oh they have a very distinct profile name okay I get to Twitter right away no way look up the profile maybe add in valorant because then it pulls up some key searches find one find them maybe I'm like the second search very quick find them I'm like okay like bio it's like uh she they queer disabled artists yeah yeah yeah I'm like okay all right you're a [ __ ] you're a piece of [ __ ] but you know whatever so I just I let I let it I Let It Go by but I'm like I I you know I see it I was seating over that profile she had like like four halo over Shields you just wait you gotta wait you can't take that fight yeah it won't be a funny prank to speak so taught in the video game we just made your display name like somebody on Twitter who's like you know what you do in that situation Ludwig is you search their account for for slurs retweet one yeah okay wow that's actually toxic yeah well it's always looking them up I only do that when people make fun of my dead Dad I'll I'll find out whatever I can I usually don't do it off for it I don't I've never reached out I've never like I'm always tempted to like see their profile and reach out but I always just look and I just and I just stare at them I love how you're human I I had a a guy in our game who like he he refused to let me play Reyes he like I was like let me play he's like no no let me let me play let me play it I'm like uh I mean I like this phrasing this map and he's like no no let me play it but he locks it without like letting us talk about it I'm like okay so I switch and then he gets five kills the whole game we lose and I went playing with Dawson and I looked this guy out of the same thing I looked this guy up he didn't say anything I'm just mad that he locked my character and then sucked the game and uh I find his Instagram he has he builds supercars and his bio says radiant valorant player and I'm like no no no no I'm not ready you know you're not in my Lobby you're not ready to play so I go to his tracker and I look at his history and I'm like were you ever radiant and so I go and it's like six seasons back he hit radiant once and was radiant for two games and then lost it and it is now ascended one and it's hard stuck ascendant one so he has not been raiding for a long time but if he got his badge but he got his badge he put in the bio immediately and I was so mad this guy I'm like I want to DM you and be like oh you're gonna use your tracker I lose the second I do that no you don't lose I lose that's the lie that we feed ourselves you should ruin his reputation with the Supercar community find out with this me and Austin are playing with this kid he's got to be like 17 or something just one of the funniest people we've ever met he's he's lighting the lobby up everything he says electric we're just like dude I love this guy at the end of the game he he knows usually someone like yelling obscenity at you and the mic he goes this is my name look me on LinkedIn I'm looking for a working with coder again and I go and look him up on LinkedIn I find him and it's like yeah he does code he's about to graduate uh College I go to his Twitter I confirm it's him he posts all his Baron [ __ ] and I was just like this yeah it was just really funny that's the other side of it because he just doxed himself doing this with Valerie but looking for comedy club openings [Laughter] I used to a game called like comedy night have you guys ever heard of this yes this is very popular or used to be very popular on streams just like during the pandemic some like a game where you can just talk do open my comedy online to avatars opened up and then a bunch of comedians are like this is the future this is how you practice you can do 20 mics this looks so bad this looks like Celebrity Death Match oh my God it can be really funny especially like if you're in a Discord call with a lot of people uh and so that's like the most popular videos I've seen of it and I think there's also like a function yeah it's like emote so like there's a meta the jeering is incredible dude you can boo yeah you can Boo as an avatar have you have you dabbled no I mean I tried it and it's instantly the most soul-sucking place to be yeah it's is there like so imagine your micro is bad and you like you tell a joke but you you're guy needs to point upwards as you do it but you [ __ ] up the timing so look because like if you're not a gamer bring it bring an execution to micro execution to Comedy like you miss your l cancel and your guy says the n-word right maybe a mouse flipping a Nazi joke sorry sorry eight frames to play at my desk that would suck yeah I remember uh in the pandemic it was like some people some like like comedians were like oh we'll do like a zoom like comedy show and it's like we don't need to do that they were so bad I've done like a handful of them over the pandemic just and they're just it just kills why you like comedy yeah you're sitting you're sitting down yeah that's crazy with just your normal lighting too just posters behind you and the lotion and actually do I clean up beforehand a little bit let's see a slob yeah yeah I need a shower I'll uh I'll clock in yeah I think there were some things with the pandemic it's like let's just not do this until everything's back to normal we can just not yeah and I think stand stand up comedy was one of those things I feel like two things that I think you know benefit in a couple ways but also suffered after covid was like TV like TV and comedy where like every joke was about wearing a mask I get it you got to say something no I think I think the first episode of Always Sunny I ever didn't like was the one they made uh during the pandemic where they're like it's covered that was like this is like the first episode I've seen I just didn't like he didn't like the fact that there was a liberal hoax in his I don't get why you would put something that's a scam you just wouldn't need the message you didn't make a flu episode yeah instead of writing jokes you could be doing the mouth exercises and working out if you have a career instantly once yeah they come back to oh Sonny they're all amazing dogs a couple about plastic surgery I feel like it kind of seems like a ripped uh yeah and one way or another Mac is definitely right Rob got ripped yeah Mac is Rob Rob McIntyre because he owns he owns the team wrexham tire is it Macintosh yeah he just got his name wrong I don't [ __ ] care yeah he's very he's uh he also has to be a Chad I think for uh Mythic quest which he's also on I don't know yeah so his show I'm not gonna you know what I made you guys food in Italy and you loved it you Chef that hoe I have gotten way better at Chef in that ho I don't think you have I've leveled up and if I cooked for you now you'd be enthralled I doubt it but you don't you don't cook while you level up Bella's it's called hellofresh sponsor of today's um the podcast it's called the podcast yeah it's called a friendship simulation I actually use hellofresh it's one of the few sponsors that I use that I don't shell out with zero regards you actually do when the when the food comes in the box and you rustle through all the different stuff in there there's usually like a hand yeah and like you set aside you got to pull out the tusks in there set them aside we're not cooking elephants does not condone the use of tusks they confirmed hellofresh told me that they have mostly meat no no no no no they confirmed it I talked to the guy so I don't know what you want to tell me the CEO of elephants they do have a lot of 40 weekly recipes you can choose for over 100 items none of them have tusks and wholesome to pescatarian and veggie all so as you as hellofresh I like that it's all portioned and you just put the all of everything in and it's nice you don't gotta think about numbers which is really hard when you make a meal without a yellow fresh and that's why you're so meanful none of you out there working out but if you decide to one day that'll be helpful if you want to be an Adonis like Ludwig just truly chiseled the only time slime is positive to me is about the status of my body and it's because of hellofresh that I look this way yeah because I go to the gym too I guess anyway uh go to hellofresh.com ther16 use code the yard 16 for 16 free meals plus free shipping also if that's hellofresh if you go that's hellofresh.com the yard succeed and use code the art 16 you will receive in the in the mail a baby and you can do with it what you want you could cook it you have to keep it as a pet like you have to go to the Port of Long Beach to pick it up but they send it to you they pay for the customs fees that's the problem can you just put a big asterisk over slime's head anytime he's lying for this whole read America's number one meal kit right and also exotic pet supplies let's get back to America's number one podcast whoa yeah see you be good at all these different things now I was wondering when you get like when you started at comedy I assume you were worse at it I was terrible I feel like that has to be the most like like losing at a video game to me is like you lose and then it's over in this small space of time and then you just instantly boot it up again for Redemption and that's kind of how other things work is you often have like the privacy of maybe your home to like practicing but stand up is be kind of like being publicly shamed putting up another type five first time I ever did comedy I brought and this is like you've been no no no no no I brought like 10 friends and then I I did my set and it was so bad that I left without telling them that means I got off stage and just left and I said 10 friends at the mic watching oh [ __ ] I mean I just walked around campus um just like no I I it is terrible for him but I think when you start you have you have to have some sort of delusion that you didn't do that bad like you know you bombed but you were thinking that was hard crowd I didn't quite get him so I think if you knew how bad you are when you started you would quit instantly just like every year you're like oh that's what you said in a year later you look back you're like oh that's terrible unwatchable and I think you kind of have to keep up that delusion until you get to a point and you don't never know when the solution goes goes away yeah but I think without that then it's too devastating to your soul to be that unfunny in public like the worse you ever bombed like it was that the worst you've ever bombed at least like the worst you've ever felt no I've had terrible I mean I have terrible bombs every every year like I made my most recent really bad was like about two years ago I was in Appleton Wisconsin um and uh I mean you ended up right now yeah I just made up a city they just didn't know what I was talking about just like I'm talking about I'm talking about like capitalism I'm like I was using the word nepotism and they had no idea what that meant so I'm just saying words I remember saying Pan's Labyrinth and I had a moment on Sage I was like oh nobody here knows what the word Aaron Rodgers yeah and yeah I just would eat it for like and once he had a bit better start doing laundry sets so you're eating it for even longer and I'm hosting something I imagine I I have a I have like a recurring uh nightmare during the day where I think about like what it would feel like to be one minute into your set and realize they're not gonna understand the next 29 minutes yeah and how that would feel that moment yeah and there's like little tricks you can do the yellow bomb and when dough stop working like usually there's like a trailer if a joke doesn't work out you just say something like okay or all right and then usually get to laugh almost out of relief by the crowd that was the main joke that I hit at the last stand up I went to was everyone like third bomb a joke and be like [ __ ] you guys that was funny yeah they were like it's gonna be a long one right because it just alleviates the tension people laugh at that but when you start bombing Lodge enough where those stop working then you're like your face gets hot and yeah and then time slows down oh my God checking your phone yeah something it's like the worst thing happens right is getting lit early so in comedy they'll give you a one minute light but if you get Pages it is like you're doing bad bad and uh they didn't really want their money's worth anymore and it's so terrible that you're relieved to see it I've definitely had bombs like rarely now but they still happen especially in like when I'm leaving Chicago and like going to other these Midwest cities I like the idea you know it's like Taylor's version of the songs it's like you have a a a version of your of your set where all the words are more simplified yeah and it's like cletus's version no I definitely I do have like sets or versions of sets I do when based on like your old crowds yeah it's so funny I mean at this stage for you it's it's not so much about like your ability to deliver or like do this joke that you've already done and succeeded a bunch of times it's about like Regional differences and audience understanding I've like never thought about that I mean I think that's a big part but I also think like I try to do a lot of new material a lot so even in Chicago I I like have jokes not hit a lot especially if they're new so that's also so a lot of times you say stuff that's not funny but yeah but the real soul-crushing bombs are just like a lot of people just totally not understand the thing you're saying just like they don't get it they're not even heckling they're just confused that's like the worst let's kind of have a back and forth I think there is a sweet spot you get to though as a comedian where like you you get so popular online that like you like you kind of take all the power in the sense that when you make it you tell a joke that they don't understand they almost laugh harder yeah because they want to be in the crowd that gets it no I think when people are there to see you you can get away with murder and they're just so excited to see you that you do well will you do a live show and it's we we will never realize that we're not funny because everyone who goes to our live show no I've solved this you you just befriend Comedians and then they'll prove to you very quickly you're not funny right and you just go oh I like that I know that yes I already know that I'm the least funny person and if dude it's like Melee it's actually the same yeah because because you think you're good because your friends are all bad at it and then you go to your first tournament and you realize that you're the worst in the room at it yeah this is like what Brandon Schwab did like Ren Schwab was this comedian who used to used to I don't know do UFC or something or and uh yeah he would get like pretty good comments when you would open and they would just like chat and be like yeah he would just like they would laugh for first five minutes so they were there to see him and then at some point it's comedy like if it's not funny it's not funny then he would just say bomb and especially would have prettier communities open who were like working so there would be this gulf of difference between him doing like 40 at a theater see the one who's been on Joe Rogan a bunch yeah yeah yeah he's just dude I remember watching it was way back it was an Eddie Griffith special and it was a special it was like filmed and produced and like put out and I remember I think I downloaded it I was torrenting comedy specials and I watched I started watching it and uh he tells the first joke not a lot of people laugh and he tells a second joke and not about well people laugh and it wasn't funny and I was like oh no like this is just bad I bet and I just didn't finish it there's some jokes in and I click out like it was a YouTube video but I had to sit there and wait for the [ __ ] download isn't that crazy third huh you didn't give him a third because it does the same thing to draw Millenia last night actually really I didn't think it was that bad it just wasn't like I didn't laugh in the first two and I was like he didn't say what's up guys today I'm today I'm burying myself alive yeah you were like tell me what's gonna happen later in the video the thumbnail was weird it was just him yeah it was just a John [Music] is special we should put Mr Beast in it it's like it's like I gave a comedian 30 minutes on a steak you can't joke about Mr Beast it's like he's like don't don't do that yeah he's gonna say it three times in front of a mirror we're safe can you imagine a Mr Beast video he doesn't give you money yeah that happened this week he did a video where it was like if you would you want to mystery gift or a dollar and the Mystery Gift was a bunch of packages like you get on Christmas like once every 10 years that you keep opening into smaller and smaller packages and the final package was a tiny box with one dollar in it did they pick the mystery gift yeah you have to yeah it was both a dollar it was either a dollar or a dollar that's what devastating but you didn't know it was a dollar yeah but it's just a longer way to get a dollar but it's funny because Mr Beast asks you that it's a trick question because you know he's got more than that you know he's got more than a dollar that's what I'm saying you you get a Mr Beast mystery gift and then you and all you get for it is one dollar you lost well I mean he did give away like when you've given away like that many millions of dollars for no reason you kind of earn giving people one dollar and making content but I mean I always think about it you really get these one opportunities and can you imagine being on humans of New York and not asking for money for your GoFundMe I also it's a huge wasted off they know they want to slip that in they're like giving their life story there's always a cause yeah there's always a cat that needs surgery yeah my dad worked long nights as a garage man my entire life this vibrator will make you Sunset lights and my cash app is well it was uh [ __ ] I lost it we can never podcast in the morning podcast in the morning you will fell off your sun setting your sun setting Aiden you would be so mad at him I'd make fun of him this is a reflection of you that's what you would say or think that's that's what I'm saying that was good now yeah the ball back this is basically just like a micro like heckling dealing with hecklers yeah I should do stand-ups yours relationship that's what I should do I I think you don't deal with Heckler as well the problem okay there's two ways Aiden would deal with heckling if he did stand up one like oh you guys don't like my jokes that's like fine that's cool but then he would go out with the crowd after and like explain why the joke was funny and you're like no I wrote it like this because I went to Europe and I met to people and then they'd like it and they'd be like yeah but I don't want that joke because of this he's like yeah that makes sense to me do you like want to get a beer that'd be a great video like me and destroys Heckler but it's just him flounder on stage and it followed the camera follows him off stage development in 25 minutes the other side of Aiden would be Valor and Aiden on the omen where he's he's talk he's up on stage and someone's like Boo [ __ ] you're not funny [ __ ] and he's like and then he just flips out and then he just like like kills him yeah and he kills him and Dayton's in jail and he just passed around like a bag of Warriors but I want I want no I respect it yeah dude does have you ever seen anyone plant a heckler I mean so in Chicago I I definitely like hang out with like alternative comedians that's like a whole sort of Comedy outside the club they call them gay now what does alternative mean I think pretty much just like a very big catch-all for not doing Club comedy which is very standard punchline it sounds like it's similar like the music scene where like you have like Indie bands who are local to your city and they play at these small venues a lot and the locals know them but no one else does yeah but I think there's also like a split like at in Chicago's like the club like there's a Laugh Factory and like Zanies where like the more standard means though and there's all these other sort of venues that are like for comedy specifically but they get like weirder comments like you know like Sarah storm on SNL yeah she was kind of like the head of the old comedy scene in Chicago it's Comics that use like way different time signatures and [ __ ] yeah so a lot a lot of all comedians they do like they're trying to make fun of the Heckler videos but they do these elaborate like planting audience members and like some someone did like um sort of roast battles like a popular show in Chicago and they once like button all comedy person and then his whole thing was he kept pissing his pants before saying his joke and then he like planted a bunch of audience members to start like hassling him and without just like this whole roast battle every time you start stuttering first and then you'd have like water in his path and starts oh that's such a good idea just like in any situation honestly I think that's a that's a funny button for me it's like get getting a job interview and just pissing myself for the bit right and just filming it like oh God I'm so sorry it's like you're the best interviewee ever but they're just piss everywhere I've had this dream for a super long time of uh making a video that's like hey like going to like our slash comedy and posting like hey guys can you guys rate my my 10 minutes like I worked on it really hard all year and I had a friend film it and then it's a camera in the crowd and the mic is from the camera and the only thing you can kind of hear the comedian but you can only really hear the couple next to the camera that's fine they're arguing for 10 minutes and it's like a really elaborate argument where the guy is clearly like a dick so and then posting it like but you're like out of focus you can really not even hear the material but then doing it all like kind of for real like going and filming that and I like had the idea for so that's a great idea and someone's like yeah if someone's earnestly like I don't know if you know this or not we can't it's like sorry about the audio there's it there I'm on the the history subredded a lot and someone asked a question it was like how did civilization in Egypt like Blossom when it's just in a desert and there was a guy on there who was just so utterly confused but you could also tell pissed off he's like is this like a joke like if this is a joke you can just tell me I think it's a joke I'm just gonna answer anyway the Nile River that's why like a whole paragraph about how like water helps civilization grow but you could tell he was just so like he didn't want to get trolled but he also wanted to answer the question so badly yeah and I'm like that is that's who you're bit I was I was sitting here like I know this one but I think it was an Ernest question because like I think our depictions of Egypt are from Super Mario levels that's that's not true the sun comes down right it gets you you get a cape it's cut collect all the coins and then you get to go inside it's just like it's just like that they had Wing caps for real back then that's how they built the pyramids with the Wing Cap Raw cap and the Pharaohs had Wing Cap and the slaves the yard and then it's on the DVD box that slaves were Metal Mario okay man there's like a half a press but it's just like pyramid with one slave [Laughter] consider this it's like a Talking Heads like I thought the bottom would be the best but they really believed in the top I found the worst subreddit ever the other day it's called true rate me and it's Ripple yeah raped uh and they would be it's like you post a picture yourself and then people would rate you so it's not roast me it's it's be honest with me yes but it's called true rate me because I think there's many rate me sites that have existed could you just say the T more like enunciated yeah you say the word two fat rate I'm settling in for another five minutes right now just say like rate to me fellas I think we get to pick three uh rate rate me and so I think there's many rate me sites [Music] [Laughter] yeah and so they're grading everyone true score me I like score uh and and the the what makes this one true is that they have a very thorough guideline of how you have to grade every single person which is like four Google doc Pages you got a rubric for people they have a rubric and it's literally every single rating and then five examples of who would be in that rating and it's like ten no one there is no such thing as a 10. I believe that 9.5 it's like Anna De armas and like a bunch of other like celebrities that they picked out it's like nines and they have literally five pictures for every single 0.5 rating and then they have a different rating guide which is like the symmetry of the face all this and so when you go to the actual Pages where people are rating yeah face ratio yeah I'm actually a facial Harmony Maine but uh I can play symmetry yeah if the group needs it I can film it face if some people need as well I don't like skin isn't bad there's like some good colors It generally means like acne or whatever there's definitely a lot of I can fill there's like a really weird amount of like blue eye blonde hair people with tens on the subreddit and I would like to see the breakdown there's a lot of intrinsic racism just based in like the beauty of like noses you know and like what nose shapes are good and it's like well that is very subjective some of us have Mediterranean noses but but the whole purpose of like the mod who set it up is like no this is objective Beauty and what makes it cringe is that when you go to the rating Pages sometimes if people rate too high it'll be like oh uh you have gotten a warning this rating has been removed because over inflation or sometimes it'll be like under inflation so it's like the mods will specifically pick out comments that they think are overrating or underrating the person and sometimes it's like okay they rated it like a 10. they're like 10 you're gorgeous honey it's like this is overrating I'm like okay I can understand that but other times it'll be like somebody and it'll be like 6.7 and it'll be like this comment has been removed for overrating I'm like really dude that's crazy and then like 6.3 will slide and it's like this is no longer true rate me this is like get within the mods parameters and so I did a little Deep dive and the worst one I found was 3.5 and a mod comment underneath and I was like this has been removed for overrating like the Welsh uh eyebrows on this face are just not enough those are real attempts at comments that oh my God so this is the rubric even some are all dirt it'd be so funny there's a true rating but it's literally just this guy's fetish if you like yeah it's just all like the same looking guys like so this is clearly a nine right it's like kind of looks under 18. they have a one out of stat yeah yeah like how many people in a in a group of people would be some of the guys on this page look exactly the same level of attractive I know in my mind you could put a 6.5 in an eight spot at night how is that guy dude we're down to five and everybody's still pretty attractive how is Steven you in a five I agree with that that's crazy crazy he's higher than a Five Points it's so interesting what a brain Lil Wayne's a 4.5 in that picture and Lil Wayne's overrated enough yeah this is the only chart that DJ Khalid and Ed Sheeran are in the same I don't know how they're next to wander lie the office wander like I kind of want to I want to I want to get to the bottom uh okay a big jump has just taken place right yes there is a huge what about just unknown it's just a guy next to William Hung is just unknown and then they quickly the bottom ratings it's just it's just only people the physical deformities it's just like that's it that is so weird oh no it's just unknown deformed people or just like I guess just like old people I think it's the person who made this document looking up like ugly people yeah people at the bottom are like AI General it's like sourced from funny junk yeah it's like a picture you would randomly roll on funny jokes that is so how did you stumble across that it was under another subreddit it was like cringe uh and it was just a screenshot of like this girl posting a selfie and it was like five people being like six six point five six point seven and she's like you know like a fine looking girl and the mods are all like overrated overrated overrated common removed common removed well that was the 4chan meme forever which was like dudes on 4chan they like Circle someone's like a woman's finger being like a little too long and they say two out of ten wooden bangs yeah this is like a Megan Fox back in the day when she was like the hottest only woman in the world and everyone was like but look at her toes which I was weird thumbs she has thumb toes isn't it funny how like the internet all the circles bad to like Dr Robert's original Facebook creation and just everything that keeps going until one day's on invent Hot or Not yeah that's it that's the singularity and then we're just here we are and Aiden's Aiden's on there I'm on Hot or Not which way would you swipe let me tell you the truth if Stephen you went to 5.5 I got [ __ ] horrible news coming for you I just saw just saw that list and I'm like um that's what that those that's what those kinds of lists do to your brain like the person who made that must have a [ __ ] up life that list made Matt Rife probably he probably like started checking up the boxes yeah in there they gotta could Matt Rice even Matt Matt's like sitting at a 6.5 on that lists are tight lips are a little bit too big chewed on the jaw dog muscle machine for too long well that was Dane Cook right like way back he was the he was the first like Chad comedian like mainstream was he yeah he was like it was like a handsome guy who was like a PC Chris of Comedy kind of he was a PC Chris of God thank you he was what few other comedians at the time were George Collins day you're an ugly sack of [ __ ] uh I thought he was like maybe maybe you're right I guess I only listen to the audio the only thing that I saw in movies Fantasy Football uh roster also Dane Cook at the time at the time now everything's getting homogenized everyone has Nintendo switch everyone watches football everyone do you know what's before huh what what the you don't watch football you also don't you're not poor what Joe you do have a switch off all right y'all were Anthony's house yesterday and he has a pair of underwear in the garbage in his bathroom garbage like you know the small one that like fills with like a couple things he just has underwear in there it went bad and he's like and he's like I know it sounds bad but my but my laundry machine puts crusty things in my boxers so I threw them away this is true you just come to yourself no I didn't come myself I'm like okay this happened with my Hello Kitty shirt I believe there's video evidence of this it's basically like the detergent or something in my washroom myself it is like it puts like this weird like detergent crust like spot onto my shirt or my other clothes and this happened with my boxers but looks like they're just [ __ ] Goods well I to me I was like ew and so but Hello Kitty shirt I like Jesus so I just threw it away look I live good I live good where are you trying to convince me he doesn't have a water cooler I like that I have a water cooler like it's an office when when people come over we can stand like a bubbler yeah it's got like the jug he gets the job like an office container it holds water no [ __ ] hassle right now are you serious the cooler is a like a container you bring on a camping trip to put drinks inside like an office when they go it's like we're at the water cooler they don't call that it's a bubbler it is literally what they call it water fountains the water bubbler he's not talking about that no isn't it no a bubbler's water fountain yeah I've heard that like at school they're talking about different things there's different nomenclatures take the New York Times dialect tests if you take the New York Times dialect test which gets popular every year in New York Times [ __ ] you man no on God because we do the crossword and we have beef we do it every night we're [ __ ] we're over nyt is over you know what it was yeah you know what clue is over is over a party to be clear we're talking about Brinley Mulligan right okay go ahead so uh we'll get back to that um I forgot what would I want MIT crossword oh I think the clue that did Us in what uh it was like uh was it interesting in something that has interesting points there's some [ __ ] it was like something with interesting points in the the answer was a character it took us an hour it took us an hour to do the crossword I was like seven miles in the call of Our Generation Well interesting means something else too look up interesting what are you talking about I don't think you're telling book Avengers Earth to me man don't look up interesting separate don't do it okay then you won't learn okay he did uh this is a Rousey curiosity your interests catching the attention because when it Pricks you Improv [Laughter] no not really like can I ask you what you think about improv as a stand-up comedian because I've gained more respect for it I've definitely had the same before in San Diego there isn't too much improv Chicago there's a lot in Chicago there's a lot in San Diego improvis almost I felt kind of really bad but in Chicago uh Andrew is a lot of bad improv but the good people are good improv are really incredible at it in fact like it's kind of blowing me it's one of those things like oh I cannot ever yeah you see someone who's good at him probably like okay I get it and there's not much crossover between the scenes in Chicago and probably people do improv sometimes like people start one and go to the other but there's not too many people who do both pretty actively yeah um because they're pretty different they're like different forms of comedy and you kind of have to practice um but yeah I like improv now a lot I would go I can't go see a standard show just to enjoy it it's really hard for me um there's only a couple of means I like enough where I can just enjoy a show without being mad in the back um what do you get mad at just like this one is bad I get mad I always want to perform yeah especially show do you kind of burn a little bit or even if like they're good and you want to get better as you start thinking about like oh I want to be better I try really hard to to stomp out this mentality because like something I do a lot is like I'll watch something that like has a lot of views like a director like like got their launch on or something and I'm like this is terrible yeah and I'm like so quick to like analyze it and like think of the reasons why it's bad and I'm realizing what I'm doing is being like feeling like I deserve to be in that spot no completely but but like I'm not I'm not in that spot I'm trying to remember that I think that's how I feel it's easy to like not get better at things because once you start like once you get better something you start having an ego and then everything you see becomes some sort of like reflection or you know either it's better than you or it's worse than you but yeah so you're constantly being challenged or it feels like you're being challenged I'll just tell my chat about this a lot what about what comparing it's bad really you teach them that lesson I tell them all the time when's the last time you told them this lesson maybe a week ago what was the context um it's a good question can't remember that's okay oftentimes it's viewership the love viewership he'll compare I'm higher viewership than someone lower version than someone man they hit you with a snore real early this episode huh you used up that powered back yeah if I had something I was gonna ask you I forgot look we can never do this in the am again dude you're useless ever you're Sunset do you understand you're not gonna be here in episode 102 102 I'm not gonna be here you're not gonna be 101 I'm standing tall right now as we speak in front of God correct yourself 101 yeah right now I'm standing standing yep in front of God thank you for excluding the tall continue wow hey Ludwig everyone I don't get it he called you short wow I just don't like when you when you jump tall on yourself wait actually we're done yeah one more question for you hit me because you're you you're pretty good you're pretty good at chess you're pretty good at melee presumably good at other things there's like this array of things you enjoy dumping your time into and right now you're at this comfortable place where you can kind of do comedy and like pursue your PhD you don't necessarily have to pick a side but if is there anything like outside of those two things that if it could suddenly become your career and all this success would come with it would you like if you could play melee full-time for a million dollars a year would you do that instead um I don't I think I'm a comedy person at heart I think comedy is always my favorite thing of all the things I do so that would always be like if I need to do Tommy the way I want it probably would be it but so you get your [ __ ] PhD in neuroscience and then if you could just be a comedian you just do that I think so but being a can I think like I think full-time comedy in general has a lot of things that just come with it I don't want to do like I don't like like just the Trap I mean this sounds dumb but just you're just traveling a lot you don't get to have a routine in your place like he's a cool guy I think you're right that routine's very important in life and you lose your team when you travel simple that's why he doesn't like traveling I hate traveling you lose routine you don't hate traveling you were gonna go to Brazil for one day not because I like traveling it's because I love because you don't want it like you don't like Brazil you heard it here first Ludwig hates Brazilians who doesn't hate Brazilians is Dia and uh well we don't know that we're not positive but we can find out because uh two days after this airs we're gonna Premiere his comedy special on our Channel live we made it we made it he did all the the hard part and we made it with our money and our eyes and our brains and our butts our butts our butts were in yeah I guess my Twitter okay what a ringing endorsement it is funny I must be the first person where you doodle me my LinkedIn comes up first LinkedIn you should try to be the biggest comedian on LinkedIn that'd be devastating flight I put all this effort into this thing and only my LinkedIn goes viral like none of the other ones you would crush at all the corporate events that's what I'm saying you could become a corporate comedian like that one guy and I'm sure that wouldn't feel bad yeah I'm getting some pouches let's get some Yonder pouches some pouches are you going to the University of Chicago uh Northwestern okay that's that's impressive it's a good quality is it it's a very good call yeah what's their mascot go Bears wild cats no cats go cats just the cats oh it's like High School Musical yeah is that in Chicago no it's not do you know Zac Efron no hey for the audio listeners what's your uh Twitter because they're not singing on screen Dia comedy yeah look I was gonna be a little scared of his diabasarai they're like there's probably 30 different ways oh yeah you did onion so remember when you send me onion stuff yeah and that's my claim to fame I'm gonna ask you in this if you still write for the onion so actually I'm just inactive as of like two weeks ago they have like a raw active roster so now I don't really do it anymore sexually inactive on the onion head do you would send me onion headlines and I'd give them my critique and I was at my old job and just like [ __ ] off and I was like we're building something and I got it I mean this is for my submission packets and then yeah he was telling me how it works like you have to submit 25 headlines yeah it's kind of crazy because they said they only pick one person and there's five like runner-ups who get what was it how did it work again like trials to become contributors so there's a people work in person but there's contributors like what I was doing where you just pitch headlines weekly oh and then they always have like the article too no articles are only written in staff that's funny the headline is always written first oh wow that's kind of a fun job to be someone who like it's probably more fun to be just the headline person but the person who like gets a headline on their desk in the morning it's like write an article oh it's so much easier the word it's it's all done for you right well thanks for coming on bud we love you so much and I hope you guys enjoy the the show hope you guys enjoyed Dia Bears um Ludwig is you know we are all proud of you man thanks no um no I was talking about why would you do that no yeah I'll try to eat too man thank you I'm proud of you bro and we'll see you in we'll see you in the patreon episode which comes out on patreon we won't see you and then earlier today I was making fun of your water bottle he told me to kill myself yeah see that's the difference between me and you you only say it on the show kill yourself

Channel: The Yard

Views: 320,631

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Id: 0zgzE3BhKHs

Length: 96min 59sec (5819 seconds)

Published: Thu Jun 15 2023