The secret to changing negative self-talk by renewing your mindset | Bruce Pulver | TEDxFlowerMound

[Applause] have you ever thought about how much your words matter I'm a word junkie I'm fascinated by words not because of their spelling or their sound or how we use them in the English language so not because pH sounds like F not because we have to have K to spell the word knife correctly and not because we have three ways to say the word there you know they're they're over there in their chair and not because when my wife and I are cooking and she asks me to go get the Bailey's and when I come back from the liquor cabinet she directs me to the spice cabinet because she wanted Bailey's not Bailey's no not that at all to me the power of words is how they have a control and an influence in your life and mine whether spoken aloud or quietly in those private conversations that we often have with ourselves words can truly be our friends or our foe whether I'm delivering a talk of encouragement to an elementary school whether I'm doing a sales performance workshop whether I'm talking with a CEO about the values and core values that they're bringing to their company I know the impact a single word can have the idea I'd like to share with you today is that your words matter and the words you use to speak with yourself out loud and with others can impact everything it all starts with my dad the wordsmith he loved words and was obsessively involved in completing crossword puzzles with a single rule you must complete all downwards before you start across I didn't do many crossword puzzles with my father he was also an amateur playwright and one of the plays he did the characters names in the play perfectly defined their professions the sheriff her name was Lauren order the captivating mystery novelist her name was page-turner the weather man he was from Europe his first name was Gustav Gustav wind and of course the nurse at the hospital her name was Oh philia pulse he would walk around our house just hoping that his skills would ooze into me and continue with his legacy thanks dad I was also raised in a family that was incredibly positive and grateful why the day I was born my mother suffered a dissecting aortic aneurysm when she went in labor with me and by giving birth to me she began a 30-day struggle to survive enduring three experimental and highly risky heart surgeries the surgeons who perform the operation on her published in the winglet of Medicine as I read she was the second woman to live past 72 hours after delivery she made a full recovery and every morning arose with a gratitude point of view a thankful and expectant life she lived for 22 years thanks mom I had no tie between my dad's wordiness and my mother's gratefulness until I was hit with my BAM moment which solidified for me how important my words were to directing my thoughts my beliefs my intentions my actions and ultimately my outcomes it's with it's with this perspective that I learned about what a BAM moment is a BAM moment is when everything's going well in life and then all of a sudden BAM something happens in our life has changed immediately we've all had them right deadly diagnosis loss of a loved one a relationship exploding and ending a freak accident for me it was a sudden career change a job loss for after 20 years working in healthcare information technology business and after working for three years to secure extend an existing business relationship with a large client my position as vice president of client development was eliminated BAM I was scared and I was devastated so what do you do in these kinds of situations well the story continues the morning after I awoke in pounding in my head was the word strong I didn't know what it meant but I quickly reached to the bedside pad and paper and a pen and I stared at that word and in a matter of a minute I wrote stand tall remain optimistic now go for it I had no idea what that meant but I was on a mission for that day to find something to be strong about strong for myself strong for my family and ultimately strong for my future so I went out to try to find something strong in that day the next morning I awoke at the same time with the word pounding in my head and that word was great I looked at it for a second I wrote it vertically probably the crossword puzzle thing you're with me and immediately I got get ready expect a terrific day I had no idea what that meant at that time but between my house and the grocery store there are five traffic lights two of them were left-hand turns and it's a very congested part of town I think what was great about that day was I caught five green lights in a row and I pulled into the parking lot and I got a parking space right up front and then when I got through the grocery store miraculously another cashier line was opened it didn't matter I was focused on finding something great about that day the third morning I woke up and pounding in my head was the phrase yes I can yes I can what Bruce I don't know but it became you expect success in challenging activities now that was the day I started the resume that's the day I started opening my rolodex for my networking that was the day that I started making phone calls and started moving forward the power of our words I wrote that so this continued for 400 consecutive mornings a different word presented a different way written in the same same way so what what I learned from that is that the power of my words absolutely have an impact on everything I do however we are often taught that our word our actions speak louder than our words but what I learned in this moment is that my words trigger everything and if I pay attention to the words I use I can more effectively drive my outcomes outcomes of my own outcomes with conversations in relationships and outcomes with especially my children okay let's go through an example you may be going through your BAM moment right now everybody has something going on it might be catastrophic it might just be how am I going to get home and get back to work this afternoon because remember I'm a left and I don't want to be on Facebook today so I may not be here or shouldn't be here it's you we can deal with things one way or the other so let's go through the either/or example so we're faced with some sort of change okay we can look at it as can't handle another negative gut wrenching experience or we can flip that and we can say circumstances have altered now get engaged how does that vary with how we'll be dealing with whatever that thing is so we now have a framework for how to deal with this change this BAM moment however it's not that easy right because what happens mr. fear jumps in so we can look at fear either as I fail every attempt regardless or it fuels my energy and resilience the fear may not go away but how I decide to deal with it will determine my outcome okay great we've lined up the change we've kind of got fear in the little corner here at least temporarily what about mr. confidence we can say can I or just move the eye to the other side and make the question mark an exclamation point and say I can we can do that it moves us from being cautious anxious and nervous and insecure to inspired confident affirmed and never a doubt doesn't mean we'll get there at the same tempo in a straight line it does not mean that we will get there without obstacles but it puts our mind in a place to be able to deal with that change every race has a last-lap every Symphony has the finale every author writes their last chapter so what about that last bit we've got a framed up change we've got the fear and control we believe we can but it's real easy to tighten up to get it across that finish line we can either look it as petrified under stress and helpless or we can just put up some hard work get our soft self across the goal line so what I've learned is a carefully selected word can save or change a life can mend a broken relationship can build confidence in ourselves to be successful so I would like to leave you with a challenge a 30-day challenge I challenge you to live an inspired life how do we do that invest in your possibilities do what you can with what you have today neutralise the naysayers Einstein is quoted and I'll paraphrase as saying negativity can find a problem with every solution how about we say positivity can find a solution for every problem surround yourself with inspiration the books you read the people you surround yourself with the music you listen to because that will give you inspiration put your yes in motion start every thing with you expect success yes insist you will then do doing beats wishing do hard things if you do hard things hard things become easier to do the batteries will go low plug-in and recharge when you do you can elevate your energy you always have another level you just have to believe and finally distribute your inspiration to others there's nothing more contagious than inspired life your words matter thank you [Applause]

Channel: TEDx Talks

Views: 187,319

Rating: 4.8638434 out of 5

Keywords: TEDxTalks, English, Life, Business, Communication, Family, Hope, Mindfulness, Success, Work

Id: HcRcr8m_WPc

Length: 14min 0sec (840 seconds)

Published: Fri Mar 01 2019