The Power to Design a Life You Love | Hassan Akmal | TEDxColumbiaUniversity

[Music] if you don't design your life somebody else will design it for you we should always be in the driver's seat of our lives not in the back seat not in the passenger seat success is an idea but is it your idea or someone else's you see almost everything is perspective i used to think that success would lead to happiness that it was everything that's what everyone told me as a kid but in 2003 while helping serve five million refugees on the kandahar border of afghanistan that all changed i suddenly stood with the muzzle of a machine gun piercing my back that moment changed my life forever surviving a near kidnapping made me realize that our lives are as delicate as the hourglass and time was something we lose with each breath never to be redeemed the culture i grew up in was obsessed with success no matter where i looked that was all people seemed to care about so i sacrificed it all and with tenacity and conviction i pushed myself harder and harder chasing my dreams and climbing the career ladder or what i call my career bucket list i was a light sleeper but a heavy dreamer after studying late nights i would spend the early mornings as a young aspiring pro athlete courageously sprinting all the way up to the top of the dune with each step my foot would sink but i kept climbing after all i was climbing a mountain made of sand i wasn't climbing to prove a point to someone else i was climbing for myself you see this is analogous to my career and life trajectory no matter how difficult or volatile it was to master my path towards that next promotion i had to keep going but even when you make it to the top of the org chart and achieve career mastery it doesn't stop there we all still ask ourselves what's next so i finally hit pause and decided to reset to reflect and look down only to realize that those that told me success was the end all couldn't have been further from the truth i knew success was important the data tells us that it is that success affects the quality of our life but the latest research says only up to a certain point there is a limit for example household income is strongly related to both emotional and personal well-being and a person's own evaluation of the quality of life changes in family income are important drivers of people's emotional lives they in many cases translate to increase happiness especially from the poverty level and we can't deny that the way we feel even affects the inflammation in our bodies however the difference the marginal dollar makes in reducing negative emotions starts to fall around seventy thousand dollars a year seventy five thousand dollars a year is the breaking point and it continues to fall becoming very low once you cross a hundred fifty thousand then it hits zero at two hundred thousand i witnessed this firsthand no matter how successful i was i still felt unfulfilled and empty inside have you ever personally defined success actually written it down not many many successful people still go through depression today depression is a single leading cause of disability globally how can this be i somehow knew innately that success alone could not be the purpose of life i knew something was missing something more to life worth chasing so i set myself free conquering my limiting beliefs about wanting to be a physician even after getting into medical school per chance to play tennis and instead i turn pro as i travel the world as a professional tennis player my journeys quickly became more about self-discovery and less about the sport of tennis that i love so dearly the inner game of tennis for me wasn't about tennis at all it was about mindset i was looking for more and as a result i began to experience more i began to experience life as a young writer i wanted the confidence and the power to design a life i loved but i knew that to write my story i needed to focus on changing my perspective from self-criticism to self-compassion that means you must get to know yourself you must also be kind to yourself understand that you are part of humanity and be mindful of your thoughts and feelings in other words you matter this became my new life lens my search for more was not alone many people struggle with this and like others i wanted to know why success was not everything so i asked my personal board of directors those mentors who are masters of their craft they had cracked what i call the mastermind code reverse engineer from your passions master them transform them into skills and then use them to solve the problems of other people they give back with purpose and they are the grand masters of their own lives then they said something profound they said success does not lead to happiness we have it backwards happiness leads to when you are in touch with your true self you are happy repeat after me base self best self base self best self so what is the purpose of life ask yourselves is that happiness success or freedom embedded in that question is the key to fulfillment happiness is external based on what happens fulfillment is internal we all want success and we all want fulfillment but they are not the same fulfillment is much deeper more meaningful and freedom it's so let's use our freedom to discover and uncover the five secrets to career and life mastery happiness doesn't come from a perfect life or from being perfect all beautiful things have unique imperfections your scars wounds and shortcomings are your beauty like broken objects mended with gold we are all kintsugi the breakage and mending are all honest parts of who we are and should be celebrated not hidden every heart is damaged some of your hearts are broken right now but you're all more beautiful for having been broken this is the first secret to career and life mastery resilience mastery multiplies with resilience resilience plays a big part in who we are and who we become our lives have a natural course acceptance of this reality allows you to trust that wherever you are is exactly where you're supposed to be in order to learn and grow like in afghanistan the deepest darkest challenges can be the most transformative if you trust in your strength know that you are enough and have the utmost confidence that you have the ability to reach the other side of whatever it is that brings you that pain or discomfort at the beginning of last year i had the greatest sense of pride to be an inflection point between decades not knowing what was coming i was scheduled to give this ted talk in may 2020 but instead we found ourselves in the twilight zone our careers our lives were disrupted filled with confusion filled with loss unemployment was the highest we had seen in in 45 years the year 2020 was a time to pivot and for deep reflection and resilience this new decade began with the tragedy of of kobe bryant's passing 24. coincidence it was the 24th of february the day of his memorial the same day i began a new role at ucla where i would be leading an ambitious re-imagination of the career center do i hear an eight clap go bruins kobe the quintessential perfectionist was undoubtedly a master of the art of basketball but what many people don't realize is that kobe's mindset is more inspirational than his amazing athleticism giving tribute to kobe at the start of a transformative time in history is an honor for me it reminds me of the lessons he brought not just to the city of angels where he is beloved but worldwide in eight moments of silence let's remember him and ask ourselves is there more to life than success clearly there is he discovered early on what intrinsically matters in life to live in love like there's no tomorrow our past intersected many times on campus and in beverly hills with his grandmother he taught me the importance to upskill to reskill to power skill and that giving your best inside and outside of your comfort zone and giving back will accelerate your path to career and life mastery focus is the next secret to career and life mastery we all need focus we have to focus and sometimes refocus the vision within ourselves it's not about sight it's about insight we must train our minds to focus to rebalance how many of you own a set of binoculars and or enjoy sightseeing binoculars magnify objects that are far away and have prisms that must be aligned to correct the images formed by the ejective lenses you have to adjust them through a process called calibration life has calibration too let's do an exercise close your eyes turn off your racing thoughts clear your mind imagine yourself in the highest point in the city of your choice imagine yourself sightseeing looking way off into the sunset look for your north star the direction of your true purpose or your primary goal the target you are seeking your north star is a point where your purpose meets your faith let's take a moment to pause and reset our career and life vision imagine coin operated binoculars right in front of you first we will calibrate the right objective lens or life lens imagine your life in the far future as clearly as you would visualize the rest of the day today or the week ahead how much time would you have after work for yourself for your family for your pets now the left lens or your career lens create a career bucket list in your imagination what would it look like if time or money was never an issue where would you be working what would you be doing and why take a deep breath imagine your visions as one vision what's the nexus that can links all your non-linear careers together and integrates them into one meaningful path it's what ties your experiences together it connects your careers to your life this must be a panoramic lens with no distinction between work and life a holistic lens a career and life combined vision it's where you ultimately want to be your zenith the pinnacle of your career and life intersection the highest peak above you it has no end it has no beginning but it's where you yearn to be now imagine yourself putting a quarter into the coin operated binoculars reach for the middle knob the one that says turn to clear vision turn the knob and open your eyes think of the world's best archers they all aim with not just one eye but they use both eyes to master your career in life you must be an archer and master your vision where focus goes energy flows clarity leads to focus it exists intuitively over time our minds get confused and self-doubt enters every year we must look back at our portfolio of work revision and refocus every new year's eve at exactly 11 59 p.m the times square ball slowly descends 141 feet in 60 seconds along a specially designed flagpole just like watching the sand of an hourglass slowly trickle down one second at a time one grain at a time new yorkers and countless tourists from all over the globe gaze at the lighted panel ball as if they are looking into the future and they are mesmerized perspectives change over time just like careers they evolve in each year we evolve since 1920 the ball has gone through a plethora of changes eventually becoming the magnificent work of art the world sees now a crystal ball made up of almost 3 000 crystal triangles illuminated by over 30 000 led lights and each triangle lives a story of heartbreak and hope chased away by the light of a new horizon beneath that resplendent ball we make our new year's resolutions and promises to loved ones but above all to ourselves it's where some dreams end and others begin there below close by is a magical place where the manifestations of these new year's resolutions are realized our students and alumni love this place they can be themselves and aspire to be anything they wish to be they enter with hopes and dreams with embers of fear but leave with aspirations of self-reinvention i call it the career and life design lab the path to meaningful work is a spiritual one it's inward a creative design space with no borders a sanctuary of self reflection the designing of your life outside its tall doors a place full of energy and passion now lies vacant your voice echoes alone through the distance where once the power of voices would fill the sky with promise as the former inaugural executive director of industry relations and career strategies for columbia university's career design lab i recall striving to build a new future for our students and graduates we planted seeds in the hearts of change agents in the heart of new york city this is a story about being a storyteller with no end date in sight this is about your story your true north the direction of the rest of your life we all get asked the question what do you want to be when you grow up doctor lawyer engineer how many of us or where we imagined we would be five or 20 years ago our youth will now have at least 15 careers over their lifetime many will have multiple careers and side hustles at the same time gallup's research shows that in today's global workforce only 13 of people are happy with their lives happy with their jobs and when we look at those that are emotionally connected and study why it's because they crafted their way forward they paved their own paths this is jackson he was asked what do you want to be when you grow up this was for a kindergarten class project most answered doctor fireman baseball player etc he said everything and he said this all on his own his kindergarten teacher was blown away like i was and she said she had never heard that response before in 25 years it's not what you can be but all you can be he knows how to be disrupting and not be disrupted i have spent more than a decade consulting and providing counsel to thousands of people from all over the globe coming back full circle what i found is that we all need a purpose greater than ourselves purpose comes from the power of clarity it is not found it finds you this is the third secret to career and life mastery it's manifested in moments of inspiration and truth it's unveiled in inflection points and when you have to dig deep to survive it's how you align this purpose that will give you the motivation to design a life you love it doesn't matter what that purpose is as long as it's true purpose people with purpose live longer okinawa a city that has the highest density of centenarians people who live to the a to the age of 100 or more they have proven this through a concept called ikigai ikigai in japanese means a reason for being it's a fail-proof concept that will draw you to your purpose it's time to interview yourself not interview interview dive deep within yourself for answers to these questions what do i love what does the world need what am i good at what can i be rewarded for the conversions of these four primary elements is your icky guy is your sweet spot like the sweet spot of my tennis racket here's an example like steve jobs mohammed bosdak loved calligraphy a calligrapher and musician from istanbul turkey as a young teen he saw people playing instruments in the markets and saved money from his calligraphy work to buy his own he found a canon teacher and eventually started playing with other musicians on stage around istanbul the kanun is a descendant of the old egyptian harp it has played an integral part in arabic music since the 10th century while he makes his living with calligraphy after 5 pm he becomes a musician life mastery is about balance he loves both art forms and they provide different benefits and creative outlets he says with calligraphy it's more about technique and repetitive practice with music it's about allowing your heart and emotions to to follow where they lead freedom career and life vision is much like music your life is a symphony of ups and downs you have to let yourself be free to feel and explore where it takes you like an exquisite flamenco dancer when they're in their element or me dancing at a mock wedding on the campus of columbia in the middle of the day he gave back with music and with the beauty of his calligraphy these careers served as his icky guy and his balance made him happy and made him a living remember the art of balancing vision is in our dna literally we have major and minor groups in life and these paths they should be aligned and parallel if not they will clash or be too far apart and that will hinder your growth and progress andrea bocelli the legendary blind opera singer says singing provides a true sense of light-heartedness if i sing when i'm alone i feel wonderful it's freedom his zenith it's not his c sharp but his c sharp he sees with his heart not his eyes the quest for a life you love truly changes us it helps us mature and we learn our capacity to love the more you truly love the better you can see as a society we need to understand this that love is integral in all of its forms to career in life mastery hate blinds us it hardens our hearts whereas love softens them love is the fourth secret to career and life mastery love is the foundation of our existence it's the heart of career and life mastery it's also essential for fulfillment just ask alan saying george he lives at the havencrest castle america's best kept secret he and his late wife adrian constructed the castle on their own and they dedicated every single piece to each other they are not architects but artists however just as quickly as it began their love story was cut short by adrian's death the two made a promise a phrase they live by their motto semper nose it's latin for always us it's the idea that marriage goes beyond this life they design their life and their love story this love story is timeless alan teaches us to make love your process not your outcome all if this is not the next bollywood movie i do not know what is resilience focus purpose love before i tell you the final secret to career and life mastery let me tell you a story about my childhood when i was seven years old my father would call all the kids who were playing tag outside to quickly come into the bedroom and sit in a circle as kids it was the last thing we wanted to do but this was my father who always wore a serious expression as if he was challenging anyone to defy him i can still remember my father's intimidating gaze and his forehead wriggling into his scowl inside we stared in awe as my father poured crystal date seeds into a large bowl that was in the center of a bright sunlit carpet then he would say repeat after me under the watchful eyes of my father we would recite god's 99 plus attributes as if we were meditating while moving the seeds one by one from the large bowl to the empty one it was important for my father to see the sincerity in our eyes once finished he would say again and we would start all over as i look back i realized he was programming our minds in a spiritual mastermind ritual like a tribe leader my father knew this would stay with us until the end of days crazy or pure genius over time these spiritual enlightenment sessions intensified and became more fun as he would declaim zorsei which means louder in my native tongue each time we said it my father wanted us to say it again with more passion more meaning more understanding and more seriousness we did and it resonated he was teaching us self-confidence and the last secret to career in life mastery mindset a positive mindset is a choice when my father had a massive stroke i was only 11. as he lay on the stretcher he smiled unable to speak and when he eventually lost his his sight he squeezed my mother's hands upon hearing our names my father worked as a chemist for his entire life the night before the stroke he called my siblings and i in the room and said one day i won't be here take care of your mother he knew my father used his freedom to come to the united states in pursuit of a better quality of life for his wife and his children all his life he was resilient he lived with purpose he had focus and always had a love for giving back he had mastered his mindset and could stay positive even on his deathbed he wanted me to bring respect to the family to his name akmal meaning to be the most complete it's not just about novelty it's about mastery he wanted me to build a legacy that lasts forever after all legends live forever resilience focus purpose love mindset combine these with gratitude and you will be unstoppable career and life mastery is self-mastery don't outsource the way you feel what you see or who you are success is not everything devotion to love is it's absolutely paramount kobe said that happiness is a beautiful journey it has its ups and downs whether it's in life in marriage or in your career things are never perfect but through love you continue to persevere you move through it through that storm and then the sun emerges and then another storm comes and guess what you ride that one out too if you change your perspective you can change your life if you change your mindset you can change the world the power to live a life you love comes from freedom and the clarity of your purpose and it being something beyond yourself we are all connected spiritually physically emotionally and metaphysically whether we like it realize it or turn our cheek to each other the freedom to pursue purpose is a privilege it will uplift you but we all deserve this privilege most take it for granted in the end we all have a heart that can see as its sight are not the eyes but the soul we may close our eyes so that we may dream but we open our eyes so that we may feel don't blink when humanity stares you in the eyes letting go of hate gives you freedom freedom is the only condition for happiness the rest is inconsequential if you are free you are free to be happy in your own driver's seat to fulfillment you are the author of your story it's time to remaster your story leave you all with these words every single one of you has a purpose it's developed from your passion and when one is on point with that purpose it can help change the world for the better what's your motivation thank you [Applause] you

Channel: TEDx Talks

Views: 598,635

Rating: 4.9480944 out of 5

Keywords: Design, English, Freedom, Happiness, Love, Personal growth, Purpose, Success, TEDxTalks

Id: SEa14Q-KdwY

Length: 29min 33sec (1773 seconds)

Published: Tue May 25 2021

Reddit Comments

[u/Jascecac]

Wow I thought this was a parody…