The obsessed *boy mom* to toxic "monster in law" pipeline is gross

what are you doing for the rest of your life what oh my God it's a wonder your mother turned out to be the positive life affirming person she is that is a Wonder oh I'm so happy for you God I can't believe this so happy for you imagine being single for years and then one day you go on a date and you end up meeting the sweetest man on the planet he's kind he's attentive and best of all he doesn't talk in alpha male jargon and so Your Love Story begins and it's magical until you meet his mom and very quickly you realize that it's not just any Mom it's a toxic boy mom so second baby what is it boy or girl oh it's it's a boy yes thank God why is that a thank god well you know now you finally get to feel a mother's love the toxic boy mom of today was the pikme of yesterday and she will turn into that evil Monster-in-Law tomorrow so today let's talk about the toxic boy mom to clingy controlling monster in-law pipeline how it's so real and how it's bound to make so many miserable along the way let's get into it hi guys my name is ustra welcome or welcome back to the channel before we get started we have to make a very quick clarification which is the difference between a boy mom a regular boy mom which is just that the mother of a boy versus a toxic boy mom who is absolutely obsessed with her son and it's very unsettling and to the outside eye there are red flags flying left and right my mom's F me on this but my son has my heart my heart and my soul I obviously am obsessed with Stevie Lee she is just the greatest little girl in the world but my whole life I always wanted to be a boy mom in my video on pikme women I talk about how a lot of the psychology behind where the pikme mentality stems from is basically societal conditioning and how this internalized misogyny sort of almost becomes a part of that woman's psychology and it's this internalized misogyny that these women absolutely never work through and it festers and grows within them and so a lot of these women and up with very emotionally unavailable men and because this is obviously not the right relationship for them right they're stuck in wrong miserable relationships from there onwards it becomes obvious that their emotional needs are not going to be fulfilled by their Partners or husbands or whatever and so they turn to other places to fulfill those emotional needs and lo and behold she looks towards her son when these pikme women have sons it's these sons that end up having to become the emotional support that should have been provided by these women's husbands or Partners or whatever but you never stood a chance because you were in the wrong relationship with the wrong person to begin with unfortunately and this Tik Tok does a really good job um explaining this further the wife and mother of the children who has pretty much been neglected by her spouse by her husband she has developed a ton of resentment about that and as a result this need for our relationship is now transferred onto let's say the sun and the sun becomes kind of like the surrogate spouse where he takes care of her emotional needs he hears her out I really think why we are seeing so many genz and Millennial moms struggling with their mother-in-law is because many of the Gen X and Boomer women became and messed with their sons because of the dynamic talked about in this video Boomer and genx men were just largely checked out they were not emotionally present in their marriages or with their kids really in the Year 1980 only 20% of dads had ever changed a diaper so their wives sought emotional validation and spousal support from their sons and I think we are really now seeing the aftermath of this as these men get married the and mesed mother-in-law doesn't want to let her son go views the daughter-in-law's competition views the grandchildren as her own doesn't accept any boundaries and this resonated with me so so much because guess what funny enough my mom-in-law right she she is a boy mom not a toxic boy mom but a boy mom to three boys okay three boys no daughters whatsoever and she literally is like the sweetest mother-in-law anybody could ask for seriously and I literally I count my blessings like every single day and in the beginning when I was like newly married I would often think about like how did this end up happening like how is it that this woman has three sons she comes from a culture that is absolutely obsessed with boys okay and they put him on this pedestal right and and her sons are doing really really well in their lives so they're like decent human beings and I'm just like how how is this happening and then it finally clicked one day I was like ah okay it's because this lady my mother-in-law was in a very beautiful and loving relationship with her husband my father-in-law my father-in-law has passed away may God Rest his soul but the way that my mom-in-law talks about him today with such just tenderness and kindness and so much love like it really goes to show like the type of relationship they had and it was a very beautiful fulfilling loving relationship so I say all this to tell you guys that okay because her husband fulfilled my mother-in-law's needs she didn't have to turn to her sons for this emotional support she didn't have to be obsessed with her sons to the point where she's controlling their lives and crazy about them and things like that her love loving relationship with her husband manifested into her having a very healthy relationship with her sons to the point where she understands boundaries she understands the limits of control and she is not like crazy obsessed to the point where she's trying to replace the wives of her sons like like there's no competition here and honestly like thank God for my good luck here because if you want your kids um to spend time with you during the holidays like you being man elative is not the way to do it um you should do what my mother-in-law does my mother-in-law is amazing she's great like she is very supportive of me and my husband she's always rooting for us I actually talk to her more than my husband talks to her uh we have a wonderful relationship because she understands that like her son has made a family that I am his wife I am his priority and our children are his prior priority and we've made it where like on holidays does she get to see us at all the holidays yes 100% guess why because we do holidays all together my family and her family and our family just as a reminder like you guys know that I'm of Pakistani descent right and um a part of that culture and I I guess across like many different you know cultures in the world like boys men they have always been placed on a pedestal where you know centuries ago if a girl was born she would be abandoned or God forbid much worse continuously right until a son was born into the family to continue the lineage and this was back in the day and unfortunately still happens in certain parts of the world but if you really really think about it isn't this toxic boy mom mentality just a first world version of the extremes that existed not that long ago like isn't this just the modern version of these women thinking that their daughters are disposable and their sons are the kings of the world repeat with me my son is not my man he is my child he's meant to go be with somebody else whoever he falls in love with okay okay there we go now we now things are moving okay now now you get me right so even if you're miserable like you have to find other ways of getting through that not by trying to date your son and as I was scouring the internet I came across a few different personal experiences from women who either were the daughter of a boy mom or who dated a man whose mom was a toxic boy mom um and so these were pretty interesting to read so I want to read a couple of these to you some of these were pretty disheartening and some were just outright you know ridiculous outrageous right but let me just get started let me read the first one which I found on Reddit I was labeled drama queen from a young age my brothers were physically violent and really never learned emotional control but for some reason me crying when I got H made me dramatic I went to University they both dropped out of high school they've both spent time in jail yet somehow I was considered the difficult one let's read another one my mother who I love very much but who is just asmed in patriarchy as the next Boomer once told me she didn't get on well with women because they we are vacuous and airheaded I gave her a sarcastic thank you that I hope got the point across and went out imagine saying that to your teenage daughter and finally this one that I found in an article and this one is just going to make you shake your head in utter disbelief okay it's crazy his mom literally tried teaching me how to cut his toenails safe to say we are no longer together and this leads me to my next point of discussion you guys know how I set up the introduction to this video where you were single for a while and you finally found the man of your dreams and he was like the most sweetest gentle kind man ever but then he had a toxic boy mom well guess what in real life that scenario would likely never happen and the point I'm trying to make here is that I highly doubt that a toxic boy mom could ever raise the perfect man if you as a man have always seen your mother in caregiver mode you now may view motherhood as an act of service and by extension you may now view the entirety of Womanhood as an act of service and so many of our mothers you know they never really had the choice to escape uh you know these gender roles that were forced onto them but when they were raising their kids they had a choice they could either continue to perpetuate the cycle in which they were forced to live in a particular Way by passing on the same belief systems uh you know to their children or they could actually raise daughters to be equals Sons to be emotionally available so that the next generation of women and even men right they wouldn't have to suffer the way that they suffered I came across this fantastic piece by Kate man on the misogyny that encompasses women's roles as givers women may not be simply human beings but positioned as human givers when it comes to the dominant men who look to them for various kinds of moral support admiration attention and so on she is not allowed to be in the same way as he is she will tend to be in trouble when she does not give enough or to the right people in the right way or in the right spirit and if she airs on this score or asks for something of the same support or attention on her own behalf there is a risk of misogynistic resentment punishment and indignation and the very unfortunate part is that if you are a toxic boy mom of today you lived for the male gaze and male validation then and your daughter is fine but your son really has has your heart now and honestly you've simply just given up and embraced every single misogynistic concept that's out there haven't you and I understand it's hard to break through these things but honestly it's just very sad because if you don't work through these issues you end up embracing them and when you end up embracing these horrible issues there's a lot of people that suffer around you with you being the center of the suffering what when you're a boy mom and you know one day some girl is going to come and snatch up the work of art you raised to be the perfect man and then she won't let you come over without calling first anyone else feel this way am I the problem yes stop relying on your kids to meet your emotional needs like that oh my gosh I get like the eie gbi's should you not want your child to grow up and find somebody and fall in love if you are actively hoping that your child spends the rest of their life alone so that you can continue to get your emotional needs met from them absolutely that seek help and something that I really do think about because it just kind of makes me sad a little bit is uh you know like how disposable are these Daughters of these toxic boy moms and then to take it one step further were these toxic boy moms disposable Daughters of the past I recently saw this very interesting documentary and it's called the push um and it's on the story of this uh very highly educated lawyer she's a woman who was recently married and she goes High in uh you know with her husband to the top of a hill um a region called Arthur's seat and as soon as she gets to the top of the hill all of a sudden something happens she falls and unfortunately she passes away and so immediately everybody around her was like very suspicious because um Arthur seed is this hill in Scotland and it's really not known for any casualties you know for years and years and so how was it that you know this woman just fell off and and and died right and so an investigation ensues and very soon after police found out that it was actually her husband who had pushed her off of the hill and consequently you know a little while later he was arrested for taking her life I highly recommend you guys check it out and honestly it was like very heartbreaking to watch and at some points I got really upset too like really angry at everything that happened but there's one thing that I really wanted to point out which I noticed in the documentary right which was that FIA was like really highly educated and like I mentioned she was like a lawyer FIA was the name of the the woman who passed away and her husband seemed to be like um an optical assistant and what I got from the documentary was that he was like not this very educated person at least at you know fia's level and another thing I want to point out is that FIA was 31 uh you know when she got married to this guy and all of this happened very soon after she got married to this guy why am I bringing this up well you know know I'm not going to talk about fia's life and the things that she experienced because obviously I have no idea but I do want to segue into saying that the rishta market or the marriage Market you know for uh people that are not Pakistani right it's essentially very very uh focused towards the age of the girl in the market right and if you for example are 30 or over and you haven't been married uh you know by that time that culture that marriage Market is going to make you feel feel like a failure and there will be immense pressure on you to find a partner and basically just settle down and I have seen this over and over again that it's these societal pressures that cause women to often choose partners that you know are basically like not even close to being compatible to them right as people for many reasons for many various reasons right but they end up entering these wrong marriages unfortunately and often time they end up entering very abusive relationships as a result how many times over and over again have we seen this very successful woman who ends up being with a guy who is just insecure and he just can't take it it's always a competition and he will do anything in his power to bring her down and I have seen this with my own two eyes okay where the toxic boy moms are so misogynistic they are so misogynistic okay that often times their upbringing is what is causing these men to think that they are superior or they are you know the head of the household or whatever you want to call it like they're the Kings and women are just you know like whatever in many different cultures a lot of these toxic boy moms have this superiority complex because they gave birth to sons and their sons are Kings and their sons are just everything that makes the world go around and they will make sure that once their son gets married uh their daughter-in-law abides to everything that they believe in hey everybody um if you don't know you probably do because I've greeted quite a bit of you I'm Jonathan's mom um and I just wanted to say a couple of things um about my boy and his future oh his bride um his wife Melissa who is just the sweetest you guys um you should have seen us yesterday we had a hilarious little discussion about my dress but she's so sweet accomodating I really think she's going to make such a gorgeous little wife but I did want to point out um that a love from from a mom to her son is one of the purest things we have on Earth and I I thank God every day for my sweet boy and I'll never forget our last sleepover I know this one Auntie unfortunately who is a toxic boy mom okay and she has four sons and one daughter and the way that she walks about this earth oh my God like she's achieved something just because she had these boys and I know about her because like she's like a distant uh you know family friend of a friend or whatever um and basically through the Grape Wine I heard that you know when she was looking for a woman to get her son married off to like arranged marriage style she basically was going around telling everybody I want her to be white as milk and I want her to not be that educated because haha if my son ends up marrying her what kind of a life would he have if she was and guess what that's exactly the type of woman she found for her son who that poor woman was basically just like 21 or 22 you know when she married this guy and you know that that toxic boy mom monster in-law okay has her daughter-in-law by the throat I've said this before and I'll say it again I know know where all of this mentality and behavior and resentment you know stems from it stems from societal conditioning it stems from the resentment of not having an emotionally supportive and understanding partner and obviously this can make one bitter and cynical and sometimes just plain cruel but at the end of the day I really do have to say that women really need women and it's very very important that we support each other and stand up for each other and really just work through these issues together the great thing that I think should give uh you know a lot of us women hope is that you know I recently came across this trend where there were a lot of boy moms that were hopping on the exact opposite thing they're basically breaking these uh you know cycles that have existed and perpetuated for all this time they're basically breaking these stereotypes and they're saying things like teaching my son how to cook and clean so he doesn't think that these are women exclusive roles and this was so refreshing for me to see and I really do think that we have more nice boy moms like this in the future because it really is up to the mothers to raise empowered children empowered Sons right who are emotionally available to their Partners when they grow up and they don't just think of women as caregivers they think of women as their equals and they raise their daughters to not feel disposable you know raise them to be emotionally whole women so that they don't fall prey to the same toxic boy mom to talk xic mother-in-law or Monster-in-Law pipeline right and collectively they can begin to dismantle The Vicious Cycles of misogyny that exist around us once and for all all right you guys that's all from me today I hope you guys enjoyed this video leave your thoughts in the comment section below and I will see you in the next one

Channel: brownfireball

Views: 9,232

Keywords: toxic boy mom, boy moms, pick me, pick me women, boy mom to toxic mother in law pipeline, creepy boy mom to toxic monster in law pipeline, pick me to toxic boy mom to monster in law pipeline, boy moms and internalized misogyny

Id: yQe9a2xkv7Q

Length: 20min 47sec (1247 seconds)

Published: Fri May 10 2024