The Nature of Ayahuasca (2019) Documentary

[Music] why has the world become so fascinated with ayahuasca very good question my name is Howard Lawler I grew up in the rural areas of Kentucky in North America my interest in shamanism began very early in my life as a child my grandmother was a renowned healer and I was known in those parts as a Kentucky root doctor of course when I was a child I had no knowledge of shamanism per se that my grandmother would tell me stories of how she learned about medicinal plants from her grandmother who was a full-blood Cherokee Shawnee Native American so that inspired a keen interest in Native American culture the first sacred plant that I came in contact with was peyote in the Native American church tradition that's where I began my practice in my relationship with the sacred plants in the early 90s I had the opportunity to come to Peru and that opened a door to engage another modality of coure shamanism which is the Amazonian practices involving ayahuasca my first mission in my connection with ayahuasca was actually for my own personal healing of acute chronic depression which I had fallen into a few years prior to that period of time which produced amazing results essentially healing my depression and course of just a few ceremonies and through that I saw the huge potential of this to help a lot of people so in 1995 I established the ayahuasca spirit quest healing and higher consciousness program here in the Amazon it was at that time one of only three organized opportunities for that kind of connection available here the topic of ayahuasca has unfolded dramatically exponentially indeed in the past five to ten years prior to that there was a very small base of interest in esoteric circles but generally it was unknown to the Western world [Music] [Laughter] [Music] ayahuasca is a traditional plant medicine originating in the Amazon it is a holistic medicine that has many healing applications dealing with psychological physical emotional and spiritual illnesses and conditions ayahuasca certainly has healing properties that directly affect rather wide range of conditions that are not effectively treated by Western medicine ayahuasca is perhaps the most effective treatment for depression because it addresses that condition on both a biochemical physiological and psychological level and in many cases people having suffered depression for long periods of time after working with ayahuasca find that they do not go back to those feelings and they experience a permanent relief same is true for anxiety issues phobias of various types irrational fears of things stress and trauma disorders post-traumatic stress disorder things of this nature there are many many accounts of remissions of various types of cancer following work with ayahuasca usually you know in a more extensive manner probably the the most profound improvements in physical conditions that we've seen in our work are with people with parkinson's disease and multiple sclerosis neurophysiological disorders in general seem to be improved rather quickly at least symptomatically - even short-term medication with ayahuasca [Music] what brought me here to Peru ayahuasca was really just a short experience I had back in the States about a year and a half ago with DMT the very eye-opening experience and helped me realize that the things that I struggle with aren't Who I am and that they can be washed away a little bit of work and I had a ferocious appetite I'm learning more about ayahuasca what it was after that I didn't deal with depression for most of my life ever since I was around 12 years old and I don't nothing's worked I mean I've dealt with so many things and tried so many beds and different kinds of therapy and you know it's still very unhappy ayahuasca seems to have a good track record I hope that people deal with things like depression and post-traumatic stress disorder things I've had to deal with so it seemed like it was worth giving a try first heard that I was cut from my best friend who got a fair bit into spirituality discovering more about himself and in turn I was trying to discover before about myself when he showed me a documentary on ayahuasca I was very intrigued about how it helps so many people with so many issues and it led me here [Music] most people have a tendency to think of pleasant experiences as good experiences and difficult challenging or hard experience is about as bad experiences when working with ayahuasca that those criteria are not really not really legitimate simply because the very nature of ayahuasca is to bring up things that people would otherwise tend to avoid dealing with and this is one of the greatest attributes of ayahuasca from the standpoint of personal Auto psychoanalysis is at work enabling those issues to come up to come to the surface so that they can be confronted addressed and hopefully resolved in the conscious mind or at least that process initiated very often these processes of confrontation are very unpleasant very difficult very challenging in reality those experiences tend to be the most beneficial in the long run providing the person is able to allow the process to run its course to allow those things to come up to engage in the hard work of processing that those revelations and those confrontations ayahuasca is an opener ayahuasca the potentiate er it brings things to the surface that remain that are often otherwise deeply submerged in the subconscious it's hard hard work people don't come out here to do this for fun it's been pretty grueling with some experiences you really get your butt kicked and you learn really quickly it's a fight now which I resist don't overanalyze to overthink really does a disservice to you in my experience the more you can live in your heart and live through your soul but through your nature that's when you really start to figure out what you know life's about this will actually be my second time this experience this year has been so much more rewarding so much deeper for me it's been a gift you know really to come a long way and really no to let go you know and follow your heart it sounds so cliche but it's so true [Music] a lot of the ceremonies even at their hardest were just terrific because either you fly and you have just a very good experience that makes you feel good perhaps you might have visions a lot of times it can be really difficult but even the harder hard ceremonies where you're suffering a lot of it when you become aware enough you realize the beauty in your plight and the beauty and the plight of all of us and it's not to say we can't improve and make each other's lives better no I'm not saying that or suggesting that I'm just saying there's so much opportunity for growth and every hardship every trouble we have is really just a blessing in disguise and that's just the other dimension to to life and I would not had that had I not been enough to prove the first time this time so it's just been hmm incredible sometimes when you're in your rut you know whatever it is you think you're alone you think you've got it the worst you think no one will understand and in this process you know in these ceremonies and these talking circles afterwards you realize that everybody's having us a similar fight on a fundamental level and it's just profound [Music] when one comes to work with ayahuasca a appropriate amount of preparation training and guidance is extremely helpful beneficial indeed for most people essential in order to to be prepared for some of the surprises that ayahuasca often brings to help people diminish expectations that are unwarranted there's a tendency often for people to expect the desire ayahuasca to be what they want it to be rather than being capable of surrendering to it and allowing it to work as it naturally does [Music] the preparation must focus perhaps first and foremost on intention that is to say the reasons why a person wants to undertake the process it's important to understand that work with ayahuasca is a process and not a singular event all of the benefits of ayahuasca cannot be realized in a single in a single session or in many cases even a single cycle of work I am actually hopeful that you know when I get back I'll be able to do what needs to be done to get to the next step to be happy again she she made it very clear she's like I can't take you there but I can show you the way and she did a very good job of that the other night I mean the nice thing that she gave me the you know several hours of what the finish line is you know she so I know what I'm aiming for I know what I know why it's worth it she just showed me infinite love and that's the word that just came came up over and over again and the experience of it I mean it's beyond words obviously but just the space of infinite love and anything else is crap there's just everything else is just a distraction from that infinite space that we all live in that we just forgot about and anytime I started to lose a little bit she'd take me right back to it just hammer at home just this is what she's going for this is what it's all about I mean this I mean I would never say that this work is for any of everyone it's not easy nobody it's not a fun experience and you definitely have to be prepared for it I think like it took me 10 years to get to the point where I felt comfortable trying because it can be terrifying it could be infinitely frustrating the first few attempts were very frustrating for me but I just kept with it and and there was always an insight you get and for me it was in the sharing circle the next day when I'd listen other people talked and it wouldn't necessarily be their experiences but something about being in that shared space I would start to process what I learned from the night before even if it felt like nothing at the time I would be able to go into the next ceremony with the new perspective and the next ceremony would get something more and I'd use that and then boom it just the one night just out of nowhere it is all there as far as people who would think is hippie-dippie all roads lead the room so to speak so as long as people are ready they'll find the way [Music] and once worked with ayahuasca there are two principle phases of the work three if you consider the promote preliminary preparation the second phase of course is the intensive phase the intensive phase is the ceremonial experience experience one has when one partakes of ayahuasca so the third phase of one's relationship with ayahuasca is actually the most important phase of the three and that's the phase we call integration and integration is the processing and the realization of what one has received in the intensive phase and integration is an open-ended process often the benefits are not immediately evident and in many cases it will initiate a healing process that will unfold step by step and eventually lead wine to resolution of those physical or psychological conditions or awaken one to certain realities that perhaps they have not been aware of up to that point pretty much all my life as long as I could pretty much consciously remember I've had I've dealt with anxiety I I hangs ID and it in a way it's forced me to become someone who I'm not it's forced me to become convulsion 'less I guess you could say bottled up a lot of things because it was just too hard to face I would I wouldn't go to parties and stuff like that it really led me to to discovering more about myself I've always found excuses like work I used marijuana as a crutch and even in relationships I would use that as a another excuse I was using their happiness to feel my and it wasn't I wasn't being true to myself I wasn't being true to them it's incredible for what ten days has done to that I mean an entire life I was dealing with it and you know the talking circles that we've had here have been a major part of that not just that I was but not just the medicine this whole place has had an effect on me that I would never have imagined for me personally I mean it's helped me see my family and friends also also some family members who have had a tough time appreciating it's really shone a light on that in one of my ceremonies I saw each member of my family all that faces they came to me in a vision and it was just like I love you so much I have so much appreciation for everything you've done for me and I would never felt that I know I've got a lot more healing to do I know I need to open my heart a lot more and I'm not there yet but I've been showing the way and you know I'm looking forward to more progress I'll let all the sink in and when I go back home I'm gonna give all my family biggest hug there is a serious question about the future of ayahuasca availability as consumption of ayahuasca increases here in the peruvian amazon it's also expanding exponentially all over the world and many many many tons of ayahuasca are exported every year from Peru from other South American countries source countries there are a number of organizations and individuals who are actively involved in the cultivation and propagation of ayahuasca and ayahuasca companion plants such as chacruna yah-hey to try to offset this growing demand and consumption this is extremely good it must be encouraged certainly anyone using ayahuasca on a regular basis should be doing something to propagate or sustain their own consumptive needs or use of the plant [Music] [Music] a common reference in the context of work with ayahuasca is the purge a purge simply represents a cleansing or a purification process purging can involve virtually any kind of clearing or elimination process that's either physical emotional or energetic in nature the physical aspects of purging with ayahuasca usually involve vomiting throwing up but many people in the course of an ayahuasca ceremony engaging in a purging process experience that as an elimination of negativity toxicity and harmful energy that is lodged in their being and so they have a feeling that all of that is coming up and coming out in the course of that physical purging purging may occur is crying or some other emotional release sometimes it involves defecation the purification process is really the essential first step in forming one's deeper connection with ayahuasca a person may come to ayahuasca in a relatively impure state and have an exciting entertaining or even highly visual experience that they might find personally gratifying or rewarding in the short term but the deeper long-term benefits require that purification process and deeper connection that penetrates to the very core of one's soul if you will and if that penetration occurs successfully there is usually a transformation involved which changes the goal or motive of the person for their lives he creates a more profound or thoughtful objective for their life [Music] the Amazonian Cordero's with whom I work our Don Roberto Adama Dona Liana is his wife Don Carlos is his son Don Carlos is the third-generation Cordero and his family lineage I've worked with don't over for almost 13 years now and don't over experience is very rich he began his work with ayahuasca when it was 11 years old he was trained by his uncle and his grandfather and he began to conduct ceremonies on his own when he was 18 years old after an apprenticeship of seven years which is about average for most most curanderos who come up in within the culture and undergo a shamanic apprenticeship at some point in their lives not all start that early some a little later but the amount of time required to attain competence skill and sufficient knowledge to administer ayahuasca 6th 8th 6th 8 years of training the reference to shamanism is a relatively newly introduced term that 20 30 years ago was rarely heard here in the Amazon that's been largely imported by Western influences people here now recognize that what they do is a form of shamanism but in their own minds they generally think of it in other terms I like to make the yoga teacher training at a day when I would transfer the money to the yoga training I went in the internet and I found a picture from a Jaguar behind the lead and the Cotentin picture and then I came to the website from Howard and four weeks later I was here we're probably the ayahuasca was to break this cycle of insanity doing the same thing and expecting different results working through past traumas I needed a way to release to cleanse myself cleanse my soul and it suffered with my relationship at the time and with connection with people so that's why I needed to change what brought me to Iowa scars really I can't pinpoint it directly it was I was working on I was doing writing in my spare time a lot of things I wrote about led to consciousness and shamanism and I decided to explore these things in research and at the time I was going through a marriage breakup and so I had a lot of time to myself to look inward and I didn't want to be sort of that person that I was so that led me down the rabbit hole of finding out more there are really two kinds of people interested in ayahuasca in the broad category the primary category would be genuine seekers the other broad category is more centered in curiosity or thrill-seeking increasingly I see more people coming to Iquitos without real intentions for their connection with ayahuasca what this has caused is a change in attitudes not only among the Western people but also in the local culture as well 15 years ago the few people who came here interested in ayahuasca tended to fit the former category of seeker of healing or spiritual realization now people here in the Amazon are increasingly aware that many people come for other reasons as well and this has changed their attitude and perspective on the nature of the Western mentality I think they probably respect it a little less in general but they also see opportunities for themselves economically and otherwise so there's a very mixed response well of course ayahuasca is endemic to the Amazonian region of South America it has a very deep cultural history going back most likely thousands of years Western influence has a very poor track record in its discovery of indigenous practices particularly shamanic practices and the subsequent appropriation of the knowledge and the resources the important thing for people to bring to this work if one comes to the Amazon to engage the medicine and to engage the traditional practices surrounding it is to bring sensitivity to bring respect to understand that one is not coming into this culture from a position or a stance of superiority to understand that people of Western birth and heritage have as much to gain as much to learn from people and the culture and practices in this culture as this culture has to learn from them to understand that there is a reciprocity for everything that is received something should be given to realize that they are bringing potential benefits but they are also bringing potentially harmful influences as well to be aware of that to be sensitive to that and to try to help preserve the foundations of this culture and these cultural practices as as purely as possible for as long as possible recognizing that all forms of trans cultural contact inevitably produce change [Music] when I was here for my first time I had no idea what's coming up I had no expectations I only knew that ayahuasca is a great healer and a great medicine my first experience was very special I will never forget that day the medicine put me on an inner journey and she showed me - sings inside they are clean they were like rooms and opened the rooms and I saw a lot of trash in the rooms and over the years we cleaned all the rooms up it's not my seventh time here I drank ayahuasca nearly 60 pounds when you take a medicine it's very important to have the rods set in the right setting medicines usually like local and medicine here is a local medicine from the Amazon my own experience is very very important you have the jungle the environment of the plants around I are thought to be in the jungle and in the city or in a country where there is no rain for us you can do that it works but it's not the optimum Howard and ro-bear offer us the opportunity to get real traditional healing to learn real traditional medicine because here like I experienced you can see where's the plant from you cut the plant who grow the brand you cook the plane how it is cooked whole process it's very transparent for me it's better to come here to support people as you do when we are here watch different tribes and support them we create connections to hard to the people here and to see oh food open hearted people also in the Western world I mean it's better than to bring the medicine to Europe for me it's the biggest changes that happened as we it's an inner transformation it's about how do we deal with life how does life affect us different situations I learned to stay in the middle to throw in positions like an observer stay calm and discover in a piece in the first ceremonies had a lot about a lot lot healing about my past my mistakes about forgiveness about self love how to love each other and after that it comes to learning it's about listening listening to the medicine listening to you seven it's all inside us medicine helps us to reveal step to open yourself up across your teacher is inside of you this lesson I can look I can learn every day at home and I can integrate that and when I integrate it with lessons I will come back [Music] work with the sacred plants often brings people to the point of of questioning virtually everything that they assumed to be absolute or true up to that point is an opening of the possibilities in their lives that they had not considered before you know this is a path for the true truth seeker revealing helping us to understand where we've been where we're coming from in our lives and in our deeper spiritual journey where we are now in the present and perhaps by understanding those two points having a sense of our destiny and where we go from here the medicine is good because sometimes you get lessons in ways you never expect sometimes it seems too tough and too strong but I know that medicine only gives you what you can handle no more nor less and if you think you can't handle it it's the ego talking that wants to protect you and not allow the medicine to work last year was my first time I came last January and my intention for coming was to open my heart and connect with my emotions again [Music] she showed me herself in this Native American form which is very very beautiful and powerful it brought me to this door of light and there was this big warrior half-man half-beast just blocking the way and I didn't know at the time whether it was something I had to conquer in order to get through to the door and then as the ceremonies passed my attention stayed the same so it was pretty much five nights of ceremonies all based off of one long story and it showed me a lot of love a lot of passion a lot of happiness so at one point it brought me to this room where I was able to start seeing the intensity of my visions that are being shed in my emotions so it would be like this silhouette and around it is this black dark smoke just swirling around it and the emotion attached to it you could see it was just stored up for trauma and it would pull away and kind of dissipate and every time it would be almost a slight sense of relief as they dissipated [Music] that happened for a while and then it put me in this position of seeing another silhouette and just wall decayed meat to start sitting grading off of it but in this symbol it was more powerful because it was like just as negative energy you know being stored in the body and how that is is for you they those into empathy I've always been mentally strong and been able to conquer and do things that I choose to do it's a good attribute that I have but on the same extent it doesn't allow me to experience empathy towards other people when it comes to psychological sex from their minds so anxiety restless leg syndrome I always thought were created by the mind to deflect you from something and when people would experience them I would just be like I was just your mind you know just tell to go away no well you know I'm able to do it but it doesn't mean everybody else's [Music] it wasn't until one ceremony where I felt extreme severe case of anxiety restless leg syndrome and nausea all at the same time for a long period of time which pushed me to the point of giving in and not over analyzing and using my mind the way that I always do as soon as I gave in and gave up to the medicine to the lessons to my own emotions that's when I went even deeper into the medicine and it tied back all the way to the first ceremony where it showed me that that beast that was blocking the door was then slate [Music] [Applause] perhaps most prevailing myth about ayahuasca is simply that the all one needs to do to become a better person is drink ayahuasca that is a rather gross oversimplification which simply isn't true has been demonstrated time and again and people lack intention or desire to change themselves or change something about their lives we've taken ayahuasca and come back into their lives and continue to do and act and live pretty much in the same way as they did before and there is a corresponding assumption that anyone who works with ayahuasca is a curandero or as a facilitator is automatically trustworthy and competent simply because they work with ayahuasca unfortunately either these assumptions are true there are risks in working with the sacred plants the primary risk is in the qualities and characteristics the individual brings to the work itself the other risk is in determining the intentions and authenticity and integrity of the person that one will do the work in terms of how trustworthy they are how much do they know are they capable of dealing with situations that might be potentially dangerous or risky to you when one works with sacred plants one intentionally and knowingly and willingly becomes vulnerable to influences beyond their own in fact ayahuasca as other sacred plants induces a light state of hypnosis and so when one takes ayahuasca one is entering a state of a lord threshold of suggestibility and this lord special the suggestibility may be used to the patient's benefit by a curandero a person of dubious intentions might use that same quality of the plant to take advantage of a person in some way all of these things should be considered and this is not to overemphasize the risks or dangers but at the same time it's prudent not to ignore them either the our stories are the redirect result of the globalization and explosion of this whole process and the expanded involvement of people who are ill-prepared and unqualified to be doing it all that said if one undertakes this work guided by someone of experience integrity knowledge skill and a genuine desire to be supportive and helpful then such people are generally trustworthy and are capable of guiding a person through this process with great success the new wave of dark and foreboding tales of danger and so forth while some of that is true overwhelmingly it is an exaggeration and it doesn't characterize the situation as a whole I think to me I've had some really good experiences with the ayahuasca any arm expectations I had for pretty much blown out of the water but some that I did have I was gonna go crazy or something because you hear all these horror stories of just things going all wrong so it was just all in all the whole processes the way they do things [Applause] [Music] on the first night it was just like a I don't know a Content page or something like that but without really showing me anything it just made me feel comfortable and there's some sort of feminine aspect to it but once you take it it was it's the whole different world it was it just took me down into into myself into the dark places I have and was able to just sort of like shred things apart and made me take layers and layers and layers of armor of stuff that I didn't want to be hurt or in a sense I've become a little bit stone cold the use of layers that I that I stacked upon my heart and the way that I present feelings in certain situations was able to show it to me with more clarity so I could see it again [Applause] [Music] over the last 10 days I think have definitely opened up something y-necklace more my my true feelings and I'm asked that a lot for me it was like I was going through a process that had almost become a wolf in a way and I was going through it in the first person that I was also seeing it in the pictorial from a third person point of view as well and it was like a was seeing it fit it was like I've already seen it and it was just replayed back to me you know in a weird sense so I understand from all facets I was open to not just see it from my side but see it from maybe someone else's point of view it leaves a fingerprint of that in your memory and you can't really forget it and if in fact if it grows and you start to see all these different things that help you understand what you were let's say to what you could be [Music] the two principal areas of positive benefit one may realize to work with ayahuasca are in the area of holistic healing and in the area of spiritual development and realization often these two processes go hand in hand and in the concept of holistic healing obviously that involves healing and all aspects of one's being and the spiritual realization dimension is not fully realized by everyone who works with ayahuasca at least to the same degree people often experience a spiritual epiphany of sorts whether they were previously spiritually inclined or not the common response is awakening at some level of one's spiritual consciousness if nurtured the usual result or common result is the positive transformation which leads to better things in people's lives what led me to ayahuasca about a year ago was that I was I was sort of the I was the guy who who had it all together on the surface and it was slowly dawning on me that I didn't have it all together that I was numb and unhappy and not on the right track for my life so I came to die Alaska looking for solutions to those problems my experience with ayahuasca was that it was it was like a defibrillator it was like came in and zapped me back to life got my heart beating again it was like I was taken in a jet airplane straight past all the dancing mice and the firework shows that people talk about - what I would call the great spirit I think religions have called it God but that's where it took me yeah very very quickly no messing around and I got to experience what it was like to have that connection that was a that was a connection I couldn't have possibly imagined and that's for me what this is all about developing a connection between you and something bigger than you the whole idea is that there doesn't need to be a hierarchy shamanism in its best form just puts you in it right there and in its best moments you merge completely and then the dichotomy of you and it is gone and there's just the one thing that's something that you can only experience there are not words after having this experience I definitely struggled with taking that and putting it back into my day-to-day life and I'd say for me it took about a year before I'd integrated that and and I found that that was where the real work was and also where the real benefits game but that's an aspect that's sometimes overlooked integrating that experience required a shift in lifestyle and a shift in in the way I was the way I was in the world that required me to to change my goals change my work change change a lot the the other thing that that ayahuasca has been teaching me this time around is is about choice and everything everything is a choice and we get to every moment we get to choose between really I look at it as the light side and the dark side or however you want to conceptualize it but we can make the world whatever we wanted to be with just our choice in ayahuasca has helped me see both sides of this thing very clearly and I feel like now I'm in a much more centered position to make the choices that are gonna lead us in the direction that's gonna be positive for myself and for everyone my only advice would be ayahuasca is not for everyone and that if you have a view of a calling to do it then I suggest you pick up the phone many people are seeking alternatives to the Western paradigm I think one of the reasons for that is simply the fact that the Western world has been for some time dissatisfied with its own status quo and with the absence of a meaningful base of reference other than rampant materialism there's still a good many people whose primary perception of ayahuasca is as a new and novel drug experienced as opposed to a holistic medicine helping people to form a healthy attitude that is in line with the actual nature of the plant the nature of the practice and which recognizes its positive benefits I think it's very important thing this is one beside heesu it's power all of the companion plants but many respects science is kind of catching up with traditional medicine in terms of providing the proof if you will based on scientific method and evaluation through the satisfaction of the Western mind that this plant and related plants associated with it do indeed have remarkable healing properties that have great potential and service to humanity and in dealing with things that modern conventional pharmaceutical medicine does not address well if at all a very important cultural aspect of work with ayahuasca is in bonding this has been an integral role of ayahuasca in editions culture for a long time that is the effectiveness it has in bringing people together in unifying people and helping people find common cause and common ground and reducing competitiveness increasing cooperation what we see in our work with ayahuasca with people coming together for the first time within 48 hours no one feels like anyone else is a stranger anymore going through the trials and tribulations and stripping away of the barriers to communication when people leave here and variably they leave as brothers and sisters they leave with a sense of love and appreciation for each other as I tell everyone from the get-go and they start here everyone is everyone is an apprentice and everyone is a maestro everyone is a teacher and everyone has something to learn from everyone else and indeed that's the way it unfolds so it's that dynamic exchange in the spirit of giving and the spirit of sharing in this very spirit of compassion and tolerance for our differences all of this has a very beneficial positive in virtually everyone who does this work which ideally carries over into everyone's personal life when they go back home [Music] well you know I pretty much hit the ground running when I came back home with life here like I had others incredible experiences and spirited quest you know I saw the things that were holding me back and some things I didn't see before and I guess we continue to do that right when we get home we start flaking back on our experiences and they keep on at least for me and just birthing new insights you know into ceremonies I can go back on when I got home I don't you see deeper into the day-to-day stuff that you usually just can't afford rent it even just simple stuff like work or maintaining friendships or acquaintances just really helped me take everything to another level and I'm definitely happier you know we have all of our stuff we all have our issues part of being human and we get reflections every day in life of other things that we struggle with so yeah I still have all that stuff but it doesn't penetrate as hard as it used to you know and ayahuasca and my time it's me request definitely contributed to that growth super grateful that I did that [Music] yeah when I got back there was a hangover for a while you know the ayahuasca hangover where you just in love with everything and ayahuasca was just in my head for a long time just kind of like I don't know I had this feeling like she had a ulterior motive you know like she was trying to get me to do things that weren't really me and it really affected how I was when I got back in my relationships and it made me much more clear with what I was willing to put up with so there were some friendships I just let slide you know I just wasn't willing to put up with that anymore I definitely still have a lot of work to do I'm my depression is still there but it's definitely whydid down quite a bit I have a different relationship with it now it's much less antagonistic you know and I'm a lot more accepting of that situation than I used to be life took a very different direction than I expected and I'm a very different much more confident person now but it hasn't been easy hasn't always been fun but I see now I feel like the whole thing was leading to this point to basically get back to some sort of Ground Zero where I can relax the first time in 20 years probably which wouldn't have been possible had I not you know I've gone down through [Music] [Music] [Music] when I arrived back home I felt I was in a really good place mentally and I think that made me realize that all the problems and the challenges that I faced before deep air as much ways that proves they given them integrating my experience certainly wasn't easy I went back to the same routine and it wasn't long before I found myself slipping back into old habits and unhealthy mindsets so to try and eliminate that from happening I had to change my lifestyle I [Music] changed my diet I started watching less TV and just found things that was so much more fulfilling to me two and a half years on I still find myself sometimes falling back into those old habits and mindsets but I am by far in a much better place than where I was for me I was gonna help me gain so much more self-love and more confidence within myself it's just helped me in so many ways [Music] when I first got back from Peru life here was challenging in the aspects of connections with my friends and people life wasn't as deep as it was down there it was hard to find my place and it was a little challenging just trying to figure out how to belong back into the past before going to Peru since going down when I met everybody in this documentary I've been down three more times and my growth has been amazing life has been very happy my perception has shifted tremendously and ayahuasca has helped me to let go of emotions that caused me to be depressed and on the reason why I went down there things unfolded for me in a way that didn't really know you know some of the lessons I'm still learning for my first ayahuasca journey every time I'm learning more and it's still integrating now what I think the way that I am how I hold myself plant medicine it's challenging but it's also the natural is blessing [Music] looking back on my ayahuasca work now I would say I was quite naive about the integration process you know I hoped that drinking ayahuasca would solve all my problems and I I quickly found out that was not the case I quickly found out that it would require work and dedication and sincerity and to meet it halfway in doing so I realized significant benefits of my life I can say that I'm a much happier more well-adjusted content person for my work and that's substantial that's not going anywhere you know having having having a few years of perspective on it I would say that my work with ayahuasca was without a doubt the biggest turning point in my life this requires work but it's worked that's well worth doing and there's there's big benefits to this [Music] there's there's often no benefit to going back into ceremony too quickly following a good cycle of work until a sufficient amount of integration that has occurred and usually people know when it's time to do it again if they feel called to do it again because that integrated process can actually go on for years I got an email from a guy in Hawaii yesterday he was here with me 18 years ago telling me how much the medicine is still working in his life expressing his gratitude for the treatment he received within 18 years ago and he's not that ayahuasca sense that gives you an idea of the enduring benefits and qualities that one can realize coming [Music] you [Music] [Music] you [Music]

Channel: Gavin Hoffman

Views: 3,187,342

Keywords: Ayahuasca, medicine, amazon, rainforest, iquitos, ceremony, plant medicine, retreat, howard lawler, documentary, Gavin Hoffman, Healing, Holistic Medicine, Peru, Psychedelic, Entheogenic, chacruna, best, drugs, psychedelic drug

Id: 6j0_glRnJxI

Length: 58min 5sec (3485 seconds)

Published: Thu Apr 02 2020