The Minefield - Friendship, Dating, & Marriage - Paul Tanchi

you are watching Christ's Commission fellowship changing lives for eternity how many of you have ever been in war hi you have sir okay I'm not talking about husband and wife war I'm talking about real one I have never been in war how many of you have watched a movie about war recently my wife and I we watched Hacksaw Ridge it's very intense movie about world war ii and very moving movie actually but you know we don't need to watch a movie to understand that war is is horrible actually you just turn the news today and you see war right we're going to pray for the victims of the recent terror attack in London but we don't have to look very far even in our own country right you you see that the effects and dangers of war are all around us physical war now if we could open our spiritual eyes and see the reality of spiritual war I bet the landscape will be even worse than what we see physically and that's what this next series is all about navigating through our family navigating through life through the minefields that Satan has laid for us to step on you see the Bible tells us that Satan is like a roaring lion seeking somebody to devour and he is a merciless I have a picture here of the component Cambodian landmines millions of landmines in Cambodia even up to today some people are experiencing the effects of these landmines landmines are hidden you can't see them and once you step on a landmine guess what is it too late it's too late and that's exactly the danger of what stated has planted out there for you and for me the effect of a landmine many times is death but many times it's losing your leg and here you see a picture of a little kid many of the victims of these landmines are kids and that's the goal of Satan to bring unnecessary pain into your life to slow you down from following God and that's what we're going to be looking at as a church in the next couple of weeks how to to find these landmines and how to avoid them the topic for today is friendship dating and marriage now these things aren't landmines this is actually a minefield these these issues that you and I are facing but there are a lot of landmines planted in this in these topics so we're going to go through these three things I hope you have your pen and paper with you because they're going to be a lot of things that we're going to talk about but at the end of our time together my prayer is that you and I will take home this one truth can you read it together pursue Jesus can you tell your neighbor pursue Jesus let's bow our heads and pray as we pursue him in this message that he would speak to all of us Lord Jesus thank you so much for the privilege you've given us to worship you freely in our country thank you for this amazing place that you've allowed all of us together Lord our desire is that you would be worship you would be exalted you would be honored as we look at your word today please use me binky and Raymond as your instruments Lord as your messengers only as empty vessels Lord may it be you that speaks to the heart of all of us here help us to have receptive hearts open the eyes of our mind that we would understand how much you love us and how much you want what is best for us help us in this area of friendship dating in marriage to be able to honor you in every aspect Lord we lift up you are our own country Lord we pray for the marshal law that's on going on in the South paper wisdom for our president and his cabinet Lord may your will be done may you be exalted may you be honored in our country help our country to truly become a Christian nation so we pray for all the leaders in our country from the burn gate captain all the way up to our president or Jesus may you be the one to touch their hearts and we pray for our world I pray for all the victims of the recent attack in London pray for the families that are suffering lost and the confusion that's going on Lord in the midst of chaos and confusion our desire is that people will find you our only true source of security and father use all these incidents to help your name be exalted and maybe people be drawn to you because of this so we lift up your time together I pray for all of those who are listening also on the Internet may you be present with them as they look at your word together with us we love you in Jesus name we pray amen let's get right into it friends why should you and I choose your friends ask yourself why is it important that you choose your friends you know the Bible tells us why if you look at first Corinthians 15:33 it says let's read it together do not be deceived bad company corrupts good morals let's read it again do not be deceived bad company corrupts good morals I underlined the word deceived because many of us know this verse you know this right bad company corrupts good morals think about your own personal journey in your own life with Christ I remember when I was a young kid the first time I stole something I wasn't by myself I was in a school and I was with a friend and we were falling in line to buy candy snacks I can't remember what we were there to buy but he opened up the jar that was in front of us there was a counter we were in Jubilee Christian high school we were I was grade two and he showed me the animals and he said pick one so I took the hippopotamus I don't know what he picked but I went home that day with a free toy that was my first experience stealing I'm not a thief anymore by God's grace but you get the point it doesn't matter how much you love Jesus Christ or how much you want to follow him if you hang out with people every day who are getting drunk who are taking drugs who are talking about sex and having sex guess what will you be influenced I know myself I'm sure I will be influenced but there are times there are times that I deceive myself because I tell myself hey maybe I'm an exception maybe you feel the same way I'm an exception so I can do this but if I were to reach out to this young man over here wearing a blue shirt what's your name sir Brendan Brendan let's say the Brenda is a good a good guy okay a good young man but let's say he's a bad influence okay no Brendan's a lot smaller than me I'm strong I say Brendan come here I'm gonna pull you up you don't have to come here but I said come here I'm gonna pull you up now Brendan is the kind of guy that every day he's getting drunk he's not that okay I'm just saying for this example he's a bad influence as much as I try to pull him up eventually what's gonna happen he's gonna pull me down he will pull me down after the Bible says do not be deceived bad company corrupts good morals you can be raising your children to love Jesus Christ and I believe they do but they get into a crowd that does not love Christ they get into a crowd that loves this world guess what they will be impacted you're a parent you love Jesus but your office mates are going to girly bars every night and you go is do not be deceived the Bible says bad company corrupts good morals it's very important that we teach our children and children and singles we apply this in our life but you have many friends okay you have many friends when I was young my dad told me and my mom have many friends but your best friend your best friend now you need to choose your best friends I praise God when I went to up the nail to play basketball I had one friend who absolutely loved Jesus Christ and he helped me walk through the temptations that I faced as a basketball player as a student in college choose your friends I'm not sure who told me this I remember my dad being the one to tell me this but last night I was with my parents and my mom said no he didn't say that but if you don't choose your friends Reedus with me they will choose you again if you don't choose your friends they will choose you our friends important of course they are because God made us in His image and being in His image we are relational beings we long for intimacy we long for acceptance and if a group of people come to me and they invite me to join them how does that make me feel fantastic because I feel accepted and so I go with them they have chosen me I go with them but I find out that they're doing all kinds of crazy things but the fact that they've chosen me and that I have invested time in them and gotten to know them guess what as much as I want to follow Christ the peer pressure to conform will be so great I will be influenced that's why it's very important as parents you teach your children to find their identity in Jesus Christ and as a parent and as a single you and I need to find our identity in Jesus Christ because you're going to have to say no to certain kinds of friends you'd be friends with everybody because that's how God made you and I to be in the world to influence the world but not to be of the world it's so important that you and I understand this choose your best friends you'll be the one to influence them if you're secure in Christ then it's okay to say no because you're not getting your sense of belonging from your friends and honestly I experienced that when I was in school a part of me felt bad because I could never be as close to certain group of friends then they were but that was a choice and I praise God for letting him letting me find my security in Christ its His grace you have to teach your children that and you have to apply that choose your friends if not they will choose you so what is the true friend since God calls us to be friends friends are important we need to know what it's a true friend proverbs chapter 17 verse 17 says a friend loves at when during the good time when all times a real friend loves at all times it's easy to love people when there's a birthday party right or if it's their birthday or they're celebrating a promotion or celebrating a new home you and I are invited to those kind of events and it's nice to go it's nice to experience the blessing of being a friend but what about when your friend is sick and absolutely has no more money a true friend loves at all times we all have Christian friends there are times Christians fall into sin how do you and I treat our Christian friends that fall into sin are we so quick to judge a true friend loves at all times you see if your friend is living in sin that's another thing but people make mistakes they fall into sin and a true friend knows what is needed at the moment and how to show love what else is a true friend a true friend Ecclesiastes chapter 3 verse 7 says the time to tear apart a time to sew together a time to be silent and a time to speak a true friend knows that there are certain times the best thing to do is to be silent and to listen we're so quick to throw out a Bible verse when somebody is hurting but maybe all they need is a real friend to listen to them if you all we all all we need to do is just show up and just be there a true friend knows how to listen a true friend knows how to speak the truth in love we are to grow up in all aspects into him who is the head even Christ this is very hard for many of us to do because you and I we value relationships so much that even though we see the truth about something about someone we find it very hard to tell them the truth because we're afraid if we say the truth what will happen our friendship will be affected right but a true friend who loves at all times will want what is best for his friend and when you say the truth I want you to follow this when you say the truth even though the truth may be painful you will say it in a loving way I'm very good at seeing truth and saying it as it is and many times it's painful I did it to my wife last night I said something to her and it was painful I've done it to my sister and I've done it to my brother I've done it to many people and I'm learning a true friend yes we'll stay the truth but he will always do it or she will always do it in a loving way but we need to speak the truth in love you need people around you who are truth tellers a truth teller will tell you if you're heading down the wrong path because they love you true friend a true friend as iron sharpens iron so one man sharpens another how many of you have tried to diet we've tried to exercise you've set resolutions for yourself I'm gonna do better at exercising have you found that it's easy to do it for one week no no one day easy to do one day right one week your idiot challenge now you try to do it for an entire month it's so hard to do it alone but if you have a friend with you somebody who's encouraging you see a true friend sharpens another friend he encourages you to go further to do more friends are so important I like this African proverb if you want to go fast go go what go alone if you want to go far go together learning to choose your friends is so important teaching your children how to choose friends and you yourself choosing friends are critical because God made you for friendship we're talking about friendship dating and marriage how many of you here are married raise your hands okay so the rest of you are single it's everybody going to get married what everybody get married no actually the Bible says God has called some people to to be single not everybody will get married and sometimes we make marriage such a such a goal that it actually becomes an idol I know sometimes singles you feel pressured is your birthday again you're still single but you know what marriage is not the ultimate that's not the ultimate goal marriage is actually a picture of a greater ultimate reality and what is that reality ever husband loved your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her marriage is a picture of what our relationship with God is like that's why God is so much against divorce because Jesus says I will never leave you nor will I forsake you and when you enter into that marriage covenant with your spouse you made the same promise and God is saying marriage is a picture of my relationship with you it's not the ultimate goal is just one of the things that if God desires me to get married you get married in this life I like how Sam Albury puts it he said marriage gives you the shape of the gospel you see the gospel in in marriage with the picture of how Jesus dying for the church husband is supposed to love this wife in that way but singleness being single is the sufficiency of the gospel because you don't need to get married to be complete you don't need to experience sex to be complete as a human being what completes you what completes me is Jesus Christ and that's why we pursue who Jesus pursue Jesus he is the only one that can complete you there is no marriage in heaven friends you know that right no marriage in heaven I like how John Piper puts it he says if you're single you exploit your singleness to the full in devotion to God exploit your singleness to the full in devotion to God the way whom Jesus and Paul did and not be paralyzed by the desire to be married many singles become paralyzed with the desire to be married if God desires you to be married you will get married but you pursue Jesus pursue him with all of you God is the only one that can fulfill my brother-in-law who passed away the way he maximized his singleness in on his wall he had written leave people better than you found them because you and I are made for relationships invest your life in people teach your children that but they have to choose their friends I'm gonna call up binky binky is someone who's found completeness in Jesus Christ and she will testify about the goodness of God in her life as she has journeyed as a single let's welcome thinking good afternoon I first heard about the love of Jesus when I was 8 years old it was my mom who shared with me the good news as I grew older I became too focused on myself what I wanted and what made me happy I was an only child for 13 years and as much as I hate to admit it I was foiled growing up I really thought that my life was and should be all about me when I became an adult I had my life all planned out I said to myself I would marry up an early age because I wanted to be a young mom maybe at the age of 24 or 25 when I reach 30 and was still single I thought to myself I can still be a mom Milan Indian Island young but it was also during this time that I realized I was not in control of whether I was even going to get married at all I wanted so much to be married but the years passed by so fast and it was not happening I remember telling the Lord if I reach the age of 35 please take me home if I'm so single but my 40th birthday came and I was still single as if it was not enough my brother who was 13 years younger got married ahead of me on the same year it was like adding insult to injury I guess the Lord had other plans this was also the time that the Lord made me realize that he was all I needed and that he alone can give me the joy and peace that I was longing for because no one could love me the way Jesus loves me when he gave up his life for me 2,000 years ago on the cross it was not about finding a husband or a lifetime partner it was about having a relationship with Jesus that really matters in this life where I will find true security because of my newfound peace and security in Jesus my joyful journey of waiting began I am NOT saying that I didn't get lonely I would especially during my birthday and every Christmas season however while the feeling of loneliness was so real and unpleasant this same feeling reminded me that Jesus knew how I felt and that he holds my future in his hands I may not know what will happen tomorrow but I know controls it and that someone will take care of me because he loves me very much so I kept myself busy not only with work or military but with every opportunity that God brings my way to build relationships because every friendship is God's Way of telling us we will never be alone in this world there were times I decided to be there for a friend and these were also the times I would found comfort for myself then tragedy struck my family when my Papa passed away one month after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer God used this tragedy to remove my desire to look for a lifetime partner instead of looking for mr. right I realized that if God really wanted me to get married I needed to pursue a deeper and more intimate relationship with Jesus so that I would be mr. right mr. mrs. right for mr. right my desire to get married took a backseat and I spent my time and energy and growing my relationship with Jesus and leading a discipleship group of single ladies the years had passed by so quickly I was in the midst of this when I met Brian through a blind date he was accidentally set up by a friend of an office mate who was presenting to me about insurance - things like when I told her that I was single she was shocked to think lung young number one bucket a single matura hanumon number two ha single kappa and condom ona our first date was a group date followed by another date after two weeks just the two of us this time the third date was after four invitations from Brian because I would always give the excuse that I was busy why he was simply not my type on our third date I invited him to attend worship at the CCF Center and he never stopped attending every Sunday even if I was out of town I then introduced him to my disciples before we started going out regularly at first only during weekends then it became twice or thrice a week God changed my heart towards Brian truth is I find Brian very quiet but what made me go out with him again and again is that behind the quietness it's a very persistent consistent man plus he showed strength of character as he was not intimidated by my extrovert personality and lifestyle a lot of people were saying indie comedy a guy but on the contrary we get along very well he didn't mind my schedule the things I like to do and my circle of friends outside Brian may look Nick but inside I find a very secure man I think this is what made me fall in love with Ian he proposed to me to be his girlfriend after going out for for about six months and during these six months I continually pray and ask God for wisdom and discernment I also sought the counsel of my Decipherer and when Brian agreed to join the discipleship group it was a signal that I could say yes to be a squirrel friend after almost two years of praying and discerning God's will I said yes when he proposed marriage and last February 7 we got married and all my dreams for a beautiful wedding a lifetime partner came true I am binky Ohio and a living testimony that there is beauty and weeping and to the one who has given me unexplainable joy my only source of hope then and now my Lord Jesus Christ to you I am forever grateful praise God let's pray for Brian and binky Lord Jesus thank you so much for being a God that knows what is best for each of us and we're all different lord I thank you for how you've orchestrated Brian and binky coming together at Lourdes you've used them when they were single as you've maximized their singleness Lord as they're married now we ask and we pray that you would use them even more dynamically as a couple we ask that you protect them from the attacks of Satan from the minefield that he lays and we ask Lord that you expand their borders bless them in every aspect Lord as a family for your glory and for your honor in Jesus name we pray amen thank you Brian Thank You binky were you blessed it's so interesting for me that when women and men come to the point that they are completely satisfied in Christ many times that's when they meet the person that God has been preparing for them so I would encourage you singles pursue Jesus if he wants you to get married great if doesn't want you to get married equally great because there is so much that you can do as a single in this day and age I want to challenge you singles to get involved in the lives of the youth some of you have five years or ten years their senior and it's different when a single professional takes interest in disciple ecology kid or a high school kid but get involved use your life to the fullest that God has made you now many of you will get married so the question is when is the right time to date maybe I should define dating before I say when is the right time to date because our world defines dating as you know finding somebody going out together exclusively but the way I want to define dating is when you are thinking of dating somebody that means you're interested in marrying the person it's not dating for the sacred dating it's dating for the purpose of of what of marriage so what are some guidelines as to when is the right time the wisest man in the Bible Solomon who unfortunately there's also the best example of bad company corrupts good morals gets he had how many wives and concubines thousand and his heart was turned away but he has a lot of wisdom in what he wrote and God used them What did he say in Song of Solomon it says I adjure you O daughters of Jerusalem by the gazelles or by the Hinds of the field that you do not arouse or awaken my love until she pleases do not arouse or awaken my love until she pleases timing is critical because inside each and every one of you doesn't matter how old you are you can be 11 years old you can be 80 years old God has given you the capacity to love deeply so deep because you're made in His image and sometimes we look at young people we say oh they don't really understand what love is because you know they're young wrong the reason why young people fall in so hard and so deeply is because they already have that capacity so as parents you have to whine your children do not open that faucet of love at a young age because it was never meant to be shut off the way God designed you is when you start allowing yourself to fall in love now you don't fall in love just by seeing somebody right some of you feel like yeah I'm in love there's a lot of investment in really getting to know somebody and falling in love writing notes talking to them you're thinking about them and so it's natural young people to have crushes my 11 year old son has a crush my eight-year-old son has a crush my ten-year-old daughter has a crush I said that's normal because that's how God made you but what do you do with the crash can you hold your heart hold your heart if you're poor if your neighbors sleeping you can hit it hard wake them up they don't wake up your neighbor hold your heart and repeat after me guard my heart guard my heart you have to guard your heart I praise God for my parents at a young age they told me don't have a girlfriend in high school and it's the grace of God that enabled me to follow that you see in high school there was a very beautiful girl in high school already can you find her can you find her in the picture where is Jenny Jenny they're here now where am i right behind her in high school Jenny was for me the best cheerleader I was so attracted to Jenni but because my dad told me don't have a girlfriend in high school it's the same thing that Solomon is telling us don't awaken love until it's the right time God protected me from heartbreak because Jenny went back to Canada after high school I stayed in the Philippines think of how much I would have fallen in love with Jenny I would have fallen deeply in love with Jenny if I would have told Jenny you're a nice girl I like you do you like me right and started that conversation so you need to teach your children to guard their heart when they're young you have to guard your heart because they already have the capacity to love and you have to guard your heart married men we have to guard our heart because your capacity to love is so great that you can love many people you can be careful right when I had one child I'm like I don't know how I can love another child anymore but I had another child I loved him so you have to guard your heart when you got married to your spouse she's the one right she's the one that's it he's the one and you don't let yourself be distracted by anybody else God gave you your spouse they're the one now if you're single you still have a choice so we're going to go through that guard your heart when is the right time to date proverbs tells us prepare your work outside and make it ready for yourself in the field afterwards then build your house what is he saying he's saying prepare you have to be prepared to support your spouse financially what do I mean can you pay the rent can you pay the corriente can you pay the food the transportation you're saying um I can't buy myself but together with my spouse we can then yes you can get married already because some of you you already have bazillions of facials in your account but you're like I need more I need more before I can get married why because you look at your parents and your parents have been working for 30 40 years they've amassed a much more than you have so it's not realistic for you to live the same way your parents live at this present day you can make it work but sometimes the singles are like no no no I need more all right how much more some more so the principle is this when you're in college I don't think you can pay the rent or the corriente or the pomace ah hey of your family the food so timing is important timing is very important and remember dating is not dating for the sake of dating dating is for the sake of marriage so don't date for the sake of date because your date will not complete you anyways it won't give you the joy and satisfaction you're looking for in life you only find that completely in who Jesus Christ what's the message today pursue Jesus pursue Jesus friends are important who you marry is important but you pursue Jesus the Bible tells us this is the will of God have you ever wondered what the will of God is for your life I'm telling you right now based on the Bible this is the will of God your sanctification that is that you abstain from sexual immorality God's desire God's design for us is to abstain from sexual immorality but because of a three-letter word F I and sin sin has totally destroyed the design of God sex is a beautiful thing but it's not the most important thing you can be completely satisfied without sex but the world will say no you can't you need sex and you know when I was single I said God different than binky so I said God please don't come back yet because I want to get married first but why did I want to get married because I want to experience what sex is like so now that I'm married I asked my wife last night I said did you ever think that she said yeah and then she chuckled I'm like why are you laughing oh no now that were married you know now that you're married for those you were married really that's not the end all and all you and I need to know that there is much more to God's design you can have a lot of sex a lot of sex and have no intimacy agree you can have no sex and have so much intimacy look at the Apostle Paul look at Jesus Christ deep intimacy no sex the God designed you and I to be pure that's his design and we sin has distorted it so it's very important that we know because when you start engaging somebody in and you have to wait a long time it's very hard to be pure very hard so timing is critical now assuming you have the right timing how do you now choose a spouse now if your neighbor is sleeping use your pencil your pen you have the permission to now poke them and wake them up - hey time to wake up because we need to now teach each other you need to teach your children you need to teach yourself how to choose a spouse and we're going to travel back into time to Genesis chapter 24 and we're going to learn from the story of Abraham looking for a spouse for his wife for his son Isaac so I'm going to jump around so if because the time I'm going to jump around which means you can read the story completely by yourself tonight or when you get home Genesis 24 let's learn from God's Word Abraham was old advanced in age and the Lord had blessed Abraham in every way Abraham said to his servant the oldest of this household who had charge of all that he owned please place your hand under my side the first thing I want you to notice about choosing a spouse you need to what involve your are you awake wake them up involve your community a lot of us a lot of you like to do secret dating right you're trying to keep it a secret but from biblical wisdom I love God's Word yeah because remember in the picture I showed you about the Cambodia land mines did you see a warning sign there there was a warning sign but when it comes to the land mines in the field of friendship in marriage the landmines have Satan foots there's no warning sign you'll only find a warning sign if you're in his word so be in God's Word and from God's Word we learned involve the community get the people you trust involve your friends your good friend know if somebody is good for you or not right your fake friends they'll be like yeah yeah yeah yeah go go and then behind you it'll be like rocket kasama I am but I sleep at 1:00 a.m. yeah they'll talk down your back but your real friend to be like hey don't go with that person he's a jerk or she's she's not good for you involve your parents early on parents be involved in your children as they choose a spouse you date that's for the sake of dating date for marriage and I will make you swear by the Lord the God of heaven and the god of Earth that you shall not take a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanite among whom I live but you will go to my country to my relatives and take a wife for my son Isaac Abraham was asking a servant to put his hand under his leg okay I'm not going to tell you to do that to your neighbor don't touch your neighbor's leg okay and let's hear your wife you can touch your leg but Abraham made his servant promise what that you don't go to the land of Canaan to get a wife he set standards and had convictions do you have standards do you have convictions single do you have standards do you have convictions parents do you have the standards that you want your child to marry the spouse of your child wants to marry have you standards you have convictions he says here the servant said to him suppose a woman is not willing to follow me to this land should I take your son back to the land from where you came what a neighbor ham say say what Abraham say beware that you do not take my son back there strong conviction don't take my son back there do you have conviction if you don't have conviction if you have no standards you can get married tomorrow I'll find a wife for you it doesn't matter who you marry you have no standards anyway I want you to mentally think of now five standards convictions convictions are non-negotiable okay standards negotiable in the sense of some of you your standards is for her to be a supermodel is that negotiable of course right here is my list Gav I wanted a woman that would love God more than she would love me I say love got a Christ committed follower I wanted a woman that would love and care for others and yes I wanted to marry a beautiful woman a woman beautiful to me intelligent good sense of humor athletic etc etc do you have your list of your mine already you have it your non-negotiables what do you think here's our non-negotiable one and two that's it that's nothing non-negotiable everything else sometimes you and I have so much list guess what that person doesn't exist well high-end veto doesn't exist and how do you know what's best for you are you God use such a long long list it's like you know exactly what you need how do you know that's what you need keep your list short but have conviction I will marry a person that loves God is committed to Jesus a Christ committed follower and the rest it can give people a chance you know there many singles here that love Jesus Christ why aren't you guys getting married maybe because your list is so long give each other a chance I get to know the person then the servant took then the servants took ten camels from the took ten camels from the camels of his master and set out with a variety of good things of his masters in his hand and he arose and went to Mesopotamia to the city of nature what do we learn from this you have your standards and your convictions you wrote it down in your mind or in your paper prepare yourself now what I mean prepare yourself what do you bring into the marriage look at that list are you that person are you that person that you want to marry if you're not prepare yourself parents look at that list that you have for your children are you that person if we're not that person why don't we prepare ourselves why don't we be that person it's so easy to look at the faults of others and not to your own faults prepare yourself the you possess the same qualities you're looking for what do you bring to the marriage let's keep reading he made the camels kneel down outside the city by this well of water at evening time the time when women go out to draw water what we learn from this the servant what do we learn from him if you're looking for a spouse you need to what be in the right place you got to do your part you want to get a job you have to go do a good do an interview right you want to find a spouse you need to be in the right place be in the right place now to keep reading he said Oh Lord the God of my master Abraham please grant me success today and show me loving-kindness to my master Abraham what do we learn do you want to find a spouse we need to pray free do you pray do you pray for your spouse do you pray for your children spouse as early as now I'm praying for my children spouse it is such a big decision that if you marry the wrong person can I tell you secret singles it's better not to get married than to marry the wrong person not by experience okay I married a wonderful woman she's not here but she's amazing and when you marry the right person God really uses both your strengths to make you much more useful for his kingdom so praying he prayed we need to pray behold I'm standing by the spring and the daughters of the men of the city are coming to draw water now may it be that the girl to whom I say please let down your jar so that I may drink and who answers drink and I will water your camels also may she be the one whom you have appointed for your servant Isaac and this I will know that you have shown nothing kindness to my master what was the servant looking for was he looking for a supermodel what was he looking for who's looking for character carick we say that with me calf rector character one two three character look for character he was looking for a woman of character what kind of character should you watch out for now some of you are married already okay so if you're married already that's it you're married that is the one that God has for you if you see these character traits in your spouse or in yourself you work on this but if you're still single what child for these spiritually uncommon compatible what does that mean this person doesn't love God doesn't follow Jesus Christ the Bible says do not be unequally yoked with an unbeliever self-centered what if this person like this person always thinks about themselves in a conversation you will know who the self-centered people are because you tell them a story you know today I was so sick I had to go to the ER and before he can even finish your story the self-centered person will say yeah you know my dog he also got sick yeah you know he ate the fish and in the rat and you got sick and so they take whatever you tell them and they now tell their own story watch out watch out for self-centered people very hard to live it self-centered people unfortunately most of us are self-centered so it's very hard marriage is hard but by the grace of God you can change so look at your spouse I love you tell them I love you I love you for who you are now you single people you have a choice watch out for self-centered people anger people who struggle with anger they may not be angry towards you but you see how they drive you see how they treat other people you observe that because if their have anger they bring that into marriage very challenging my wife dated somebody their first date he was angry because she changed the venue where she was he picked up so it ruined his schedule he was so mad the entire date guess what do you think my wife went out with him again praise God she didn't write praise God she didn't go out with him again she saw the warning sign addictions people are addicted to alcohol gambling drugs sex watch out for people with addictions people that blame others it's never their fault why are you late it could take us a kiss a kiss then I'm gonna always an excuse you want people who are responsible will own up for their mistakes when they're wrong they say it was my fault sorry you don't want people who blame others because eventually you marry them to blame you for everything everything is your fault deceptive muffle this is a big one if you're with somebody and they're lying to you and you're not yet married what makes you think when you get married you're going to tell you the truth if you if I was working in your company and I stole from you I was dishonest you would fire me right but love is blind and sometimes you make yourself believe that oh this person's going to change God can change everyone yes but marriage is such an important decision that if you're dating somebody who's deceptive today and you're not yet married drop them drop them you don't want to marry that kind of person they will deceive you even when you're married more so when you're married possessive people that are possessive they always want to know what you're doing who are you texting who are you who are you messaging what did you email who did you talk to they always want you to be with them they're selfish watch out for these kind of people materialistic and you know what you know what materialistic is people who don't know how to use finance as well or maybe they have so much money that they live their life really to amass possessions watch out for materialistic people proverbs 22:3 let's read it together the prudent sees the evil and hides himself but the naive go on and are punished for it you have a choice of who you marry parents you help your children to make good decisions single don't be blind what should you look for what are some good character traits look for somebody that loves God when I say love God a Christ committed follower somebody who's given their life to Jesus Christ who acknowledges him as Lord and Savior look for somebody who loves others look for somebody who's humble joyful in Christ and guess what come to converge June 17 2007 teen to learn more you can't miss it if you're single you got to come to this event we're going to be talking more about dating and relationships remember be in the what right place where's the right place on June 17 it's right here June 17 2007 teen you come you can sign up after the service downstairs it'll be a great time we'll have panels you can ask all the questions you have about relationships about anything so that's why I kept this short write because I want you to come back look for character we talked about that I'm gonna go to the end of the story okay so she said drink my lord and she quickly lowered her jar to her to her hand and gave him a drink now when she had finished giving him a drink she said I will draw also for your camels until they have finished drinking wow what a girl each camel drinks about 15 gallons of water 15 gallons so she had 10 Kat Kait 10 camels 150 gallons drawing water from a well you see bhagwat Oh super her she bug look for character the you know the bonus was for the bonus so the girl was very beautiful a virgin keep yourself pure one of the greatest gifts you can give your future spouse is your virginity alright develop that conviction today now if you fallen into immorality and I know many have fallen into morality you can be a spiritual virgin today and now you'll hear about a testimony in a bit about somebody who just made that decision also and is living it but your virginity is a great gift she had no relations no no man had relations with her look for character so she quickly emptied their jar to the trow and ran back to the veil well to draw and she drew for for all his camels now look at this verse 21 together meanwhile the man was gazing at her in silence to know whether the Lord had made his journey successful or not how do you find a spouse need to observe observe don't believe everything they put on Facebook hello huh I don't have facebook but I know anything everything on Facebook is true especially what you post about yourself get to know them observe them watch how they interact with their family with their friends with with all kinds of people how they treat police men how they treat security guards observe them and the best place to observe them also is how they serve the Lord you want to marry somebody that loves gods observe them how they serve God so now if you are going to deal kindly and truly with my master tell me and if not let me know that I may turn to the right or to the left the servant ask the father of Rebecca tell me what do we learn from this these what straightforward don't play games remember the purpose of dating is to find a marriage partner so why are you going to play games you're not dating for the sake of dating be straight forward and parents be straight forward also get involved in your in the lives of your children and if you don't like the person they're pursuing early on lovingly tell them and I'm going to tell you how to do that because the next thing the servant did was he got parental consent he asked permission from the father of Rebecca this is something that's so crucial in the process of finding the person that God has for you get the parental and parents if you don't like the person what should you say hi ha was Dale McGee Paquita ever again I'm sorry for it butchered debt don't ever see each other ever again right that's is that realistic your child will go behind your back and sneak if you don't like the person that your child is getting to know you invite that person to your house you get to know that person and by asking questions the Bible says the thoughts of a man are deep in his heart a man of understanding draws it out together with your child you help your child see what is it that you don't really like about that person so it's together you do it together but you have to be clear don't be vague and you have to do it in a loving way parental consent before I marry Jenny my parents gave me their blessing Jenny's parents gave me their blessing and last but not the least you also need the consent of your future spouse hello obvious okay and they said we will call the girl and consult her wishes then they called Rebecca and said to her will you go with this man and she said I will go I will go so how do you choose a spouse as I call Raymond up here I'm gonna summarize you involve the community you set standards and convictions you prepare yourself you'd be the right person be in the right place be in prayer look for character observe be straightforward don't play games get parental consent get your future spouses consent I tell you it's an amazing journey it's different for everyone Raymond is going to share after Raymond share I'm going to wrap up and my wrap up will be about two or three minutes I know some of you haven't eaten lunch yet it's okay I haven't eaten lunch also so you can stay stick around with me sorry I went a little long but I want you to hear Raymond story then stay for the last two minutes the words and for the singing also if you can stay let's welcome Raymond my life exhibits God's loving discipline ongoing redemption transforming Grace and undeserved blessings growing up I was exposed to both Christian and secular environments my parents intentionally invested their time through family devotions and parent to child heart-to-heart talks despite those I chose to apply biblical principles only by self will fueled by my insecurities and negative reaction to people's expectations of how a pastor's kid should up because my security was not in Christ I lived a rebellious double life of sin repent sin repent from high school through the next 23 years of my life acting like a Christian at home and church while involved with worldly pursuits God allowed me to experience the consequences of my choices in first-year high school I got expelled I got in tremendous trouble incurred huge credit card debts had unnecessary relational pains ultimately my relationship with God and my family suffered I was dead set on making a major life decision on my own without clear confirmation from the Bible and my parents blessing but God in his kindness intervened Romans 2:4 to 5 or do you think lightly of the riches of his kindness and tolerance and patience not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance but because of your stubbornness and unrepentant heart you are storing up wrath for yourself in the day of wrath and revelation of the righteous judgment of God through my parents persistent players the Lord standard mercies led me to genuine repentance from the heart last April 9 2016 my eyes were open to the magnitude of my sinfulness which led me to godly sorrow I decided not to push through with that wrong decision instead I surrendered wholeheartedly to let God have his way with me when I repented my heart change and I desired God's choice of a lifetime partner for me so at the age of 37 after so many mistakes God inspired me to follow Isaac's biblical model where he entrusted the choice of his spouse to God through his father Abraham so when there's an interesting girl I won't make moves until God confirms it in my Bible reading and both my parents and the girl's parents approve him to prevent premature emotional investment and unnecessary heartbreaks in July 2016 'dear Tita introduced me to Leah Robles from CCF Malolos who happens to be pastor av Robles daughter it's a blessing that Leo has the same spiritual convictions as me in trusting God through parental authorities for a lifetime partner I felt comfortable with Leo in our first meeting a month later my parents arranged for a family to family getting to know meeting it was very timely because August 20 is Leos birthday and August 21 is my birthday I was attracted to her but kept in mind my commitment to God to seek his will first through his word and parental blessings before making any move in that meeting I shared my life testimony including my past 23 years of disobedience and rebellion if her parents will approve of our friendship despite my sinful past then God will help our friendship to honor him so I initiated guidelines for us like no one-on-one dating to protect our purity so no chaperone no date no awakening of emotions through words or actions until I have a clear confirmation and both parents blessings for marriage plus no best foot forward by God's grace they approved the friendship on September 29 2016 during my quiet time God in Jeremiah 33 to 213 confirmed to me his approval to marry Leo not just to build a family and live happily ever after but to have a larger vision of God using our marriage to serve Him together with this my parents and I met with Leo and her parents by God's grace despite hearing my life testimony a second time which included my sinful past again Leo's parents approved our deepening friendship leading to marriage I thank God they chose to love me as Christ does Leo got her word of confirmation to marry me last December 10 2016 with Jeremiah 29 5 to 6 and 11 then last March 23 2017 her parents gave their blessing for me to marry her and I propose marriage to Leo last April 12 2017 during a CCF retreat we are now engaged to be married this August but we will still keep the same guidelines for purity always keeping ourselves accountable to our parents and the group the practice of purity to honor God is a rare commodity that we like to pass on as a legacy to the children of God a children God will give us my wholehearted repentance and obedience to God has made me experienced four sons Messing's even before we met until today the Lord is the one moving in Leos and my life orchestrating our friendship and our growing love relationship for God's glory the more I get to know her the more the Lord reveals qualities in her that far surpassed the qualities of the godly women of my parents prayer list for me because she loves God more than me as we prepare for marriage we have experienced God's blessings more than we have imagined through the active involvement of both our families and CCF family I am accountable to my family I am actively part of a men's big group under Peter tangi jr. and also handled my only group of men I also serve in the music ministry I am far from perfect God is still refining me to be christ-like I am one bottle bottle servant of our Living God Savior and Lord Jesus Christ transforming Redeemer to him be all the glory forever amen praise God we will pray for Mon as we wrap up so you can go you can stay there really quick one is an example of a spiritual virgin he share with you his life he made a lot of mistakes in the past but as of this day he has kept himself pure for his future spouse dr. Leo praise God for story like that only the guy the grace of God enables us to have stories like that you've heard stories of binky you've heard stories the story of Raymond your story is going to be different right but it's going to be equally exciting the messages you pursue God friends are important who you marry is very important but the most important is you and I need to pursue God and he will write your own story now parents if you don't like the person that your child is pursuing what do you do never say don't ever see that person ever again because they will not be able to follow that you have to invite the person the the person that's that you don't fully approve off to the house so you can get to know the person and you can ask questions to help reveal the things that you don't really see that are good in that person for your child it's it's a team you're doing because you you love your child and and do it in a loving way this is a picture of Jenny and I in high school everybody's story is different right I never saw her I never told her how I felt the first time I told her I loved her was on April 4 2002 in Pensacola Florida that was the day I proposed to her I kept the word love because it's very important for me first time I told her I loved her I wrote in the sand and I said turn around sweetheart and she turned around and she saw it written in the sand I didn't call her sweetheart back then I said turn around Jenny and I got on my knee proposed to Jenny and I told the story before so I'm not going to act it all out cuz we're also out of time and this is our wedding day January 4 2003 yeah that had a lot more hair back said it's not because of marriage it's not but my point is our story was different Jenny and I got to know each other as friends again and I see the faithfulness of God in all of this that's why I tell you guys the best thing you can do is your pursue after Jesus that's the one thing I want you to remember I give you a lot of things tips that you can you can hold on to and hopefully you need to develop your own convictions about being pure develop your own convictions about choosing your friends developing your own convictions about inviting your parents and the community to be part of the process but most of all you pursue Jesus and I'll end with this and then we'll pray for one and dr. Leo Jesus tells us greater love has no one than this that one lay down his life for his friends I used to read about Moses being a friend of God and I remember telling myself oh how I wish I could have that kind of relationship with God Abraham was a friend of God and in deep down I'll be like oh how I wish I could have that relationship with God look at what Jesus tells us you are my friends if you do what I command you no longer do I call you slaves for the slave does that know what his master is doing but I have what called you friends Jesus calls us as friends you can be as intimate as Moses was with God you can be as intimate as Abraham was with God the question is what are you pursuing let's not settle for the counterfeit let's go for the real deal and that's found in Jesus Christ no relationship in this world can give you the fulfillment the joy and the satisfaction that Jesus alone gives and I love this part for all the things that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you you did not choose me but I chose you and appointed you that you would go and bear fruit and that your fruit would remain so that whatever you ask of the Father in my name he may give it to you I praise God that he chose me that he chose you he is the best friend you can ever have do you know him are you pursuing after him that's my desire that as a married man with children I will pursue hard after Jesus Christ and that you will do the same and I guarantee you if you pursue after Jesus he will help you navigate through the landmines of his life he will help you choose the right friend he will help you choose the right spouse he will help you honor him in everything that you do but you need to make that decision and Jesus says no greater love and this and he is the example of a person that gave his life for you and for me you can surrender your life to Jesus Christ and you must because that's the best decision you can do I'm going to call up Raymond and Leo and let's bow our heads and pray well close in prayer and we'll pray for them while they're coming up here I praise God for both of you getting married soon what a beautiful picture of the goodness of God let's bow our heads and pray Lord Jesus thank you so much for the reminder today that friends are important who we marry is important and how we go about finding that person is equally important Lord so we entrust to you these things that we so many times because of sin have have really bungled up but thank you Lord for being greater than our sin I thank you for the life of Raymond and for dr. lay oh and how you brought them together supernaturally Lord where do you hear a story like this this is this is not normal but in your kingdom Lord you're the same God yesterday today and forever more and you have orchestrated in their life your faithfulness so we thank you me worship you for the faithfulness of how you brought them together and Lord we pray for them that as they embark on their life together help them to pursue you first and foremost in their marriage and in the family that you'll bless them protect them Jesus continue to keep them pure thank you for the example that they are to all of us Lord and for the rest of us Jesus the rest of us who maybe have not accepted your invitation to be our friend or you said you are a friend and that you want to be a part of our lives and there's anybody here who has not yet given your life to Jesus Christ you have not yet surrendered this is the best decision you can do and I want to pray for you and I want you to pray with me in your heart the prayer of surrender you can repeat with me in your heart Lord Jesus I admit that I've been living my life my way pursuing the things that I feel will really satisfy me but Lord you reminded me today that there's no one that can truly satisfy like you you said you are the bread of life you satisfy all our hunger and so today I repent of my sinfulness i humble myself before you I opened the door of my heart and I ask you Jesus to come into my life to be my Lord my master my savior thank you Jesus for coming into my life thank you for forgiving me of all my sins thank you for your free gift of eternal life thank you for being my friend please help me to know you that's who you really are and to live my life to please you and I pray for the rest of us Lord Jesus Christ help us to pursue you we know it's only by your grace we didn't choose you you chose us and I thank you Lord for choosing us help us to know you the intimate the to know you intimately to know the depth of your love and the greatness of your power and help us to live our lives to honor you we love you in Jesus name we pray amen connect with CCM through the following websites [Music] jumpstart your spiritual journey by joining us wall group [Music] we are so blessed you were able to join us today god bless and see you next time [Music]

Channel: Christ’s Commission Fellowship

Views: 109,888

Rating: 4.8641644 out of 5

Keywords: CCF, Christ's, Commission, Fellowship, Sunday, Service, Sermon, Speaker, Message, Jesus, Prayer, Love, Faith, Christ, God, Bible, Christian, Christianity, Church, Truth, Life, GraceChangesEverything, ReignForever, TeamJesus, RadiaclLove, Worship, Glory

Id: XTcBNS4GE6Y

Length: 75min 32sec (4532 seconds)

Published: Sun Jun 11 2017