The Mindset and Lessons that Changed My Life

welcome back to my channel my friends I don't think I was a very happy person six or seven years ago I don't think I was very confident I don't think I really knew where I was going or if I was doing things right or if I was being a good friend to people I was very self-conscious and always felt a little bit lost I just felt like other people had things figured out and I was just there in the corner like I don't I don't really know what I'm doing and over the last six or seven years thanks to a therapist that I trust with my life thanks to graduating thanks to quitting jobs thanks to starting businesses I never thought I would start thanks to failing with other businesses becoming friends with and meeting super successful people embarrassing myself a ton and making a ton of mistakes I feel like a completely different person and there are things I've realized that have made me a completely different person and I guess it could have been nice to know you know six or seven years ago so this is me wishing I could just kind of go back in time and give myself a few answers a little bit of advice the first thing I didn't realize was that nobody has their [ __ ] figured out they really don't but I definitely thought they did all the way through University when I was doing my PhD as well when I started my YouTube channel when I was tutoring I always felt like I looked at other people and it just felt like to them the world was so much clearer they had great balance between social life taking care of themselves doing well in their jobs and for me like that was just impossible like there was something always had to give and most of the time more than one thing had to give and I just didn't understand how the world seemed so clear to them like how they could get the balance so right and if it wasn't everyone it was at least the people that were doing super well they just seemed like they were collected they had clear thoughts they were at peace they were happy they were successful at their job or their education or whatever it was they just had a really nice balance and I had that feeling for years and years that things and life just came easier to them and I was just always gonna struggle and it wasn't until like a couple of years into making my YouTube videos that I realized how insanely wrong I was as my YouTube channel grew I got to meet incredible creators creators that I've always looked up to much bigger than myself I've always thought these are guys these guys are killing it and Brands Brands too brands that we've all heard of that are multi-billion company multi-billion pound companies super successful of course I've always put them on a pedestal of course these guys have their [ __ ] together and then you start Consulting for them and you lift the curtain and you take a little peek and that's all it takes it's just a little peek and that whole idea that I had that everyone had their [ __ ] figured out and it was so much easier for everyone just crumble down everyone is trying to figure it out everyone's trying to figure out if they're performing in the right way doing the right thing being the right girlfriend or boyfriend or business partner or seeing their family enough or taking care of their health they can't get the right product in the right place at the right time or have to redesign a product in the very last minute because it wasn't the right one it's a [ __ ] show everyone is struggling with something and in most cases it's more than one thing and these are companies and people that you know not not just in Fitness outside of Fitness too the world is full of people just trying to figure it out me included I'm in that assigned me I was the first person on that list you know what I'm probably never gonna have my [ __ ] fully figured out it's not gonna happen and I shouldn't wait and put things off waiting for my life to be nice and compartmentalized and organized and settled it's not going to happen I should just keep pushing forward feeling like everyone else has their lives together and they're in control it's actually really intimidating it makes you feel like the world is just full of people who are nailing it when in reality those people at the top might think and look like us but they just don't let that intimidation or any intimidation whatsoever get to them they know that they're not going to have everything perfect they know that their shit's not going to be together they're okay with it they keep learning they keep practicing and they go through it next up is that failure is the route to success honestly like I was terrified of failing I never wanted to be bad at anything I never wanted to get a wrong answer I never wanted to be bad at sport I never wanted to do public speaking because to me public speaking if I failed was a very real time live public failure and it genuinely terrified me I never wanted people to think that I was bad at something I think that's probably a big reason why I was an overachiever because I was just so terrified of being bad at something of people thinking that I was bad and the problem with that mindset is that it stops you from trying and that stops you from learning and the truth is that actually the world doesn't really care whether or not you fail they might be interested they might be like oh how'd it go have the conversation 30 seconds later do they care no are they going to do anything about it no they don't care and I find that really comforting the world just keeps moving on literally just a few weeks ago I had my Ambassador shoot with Lululemon there was a crew of about 20 people the camera was on me they're asking me interview questions and I I couldn't talk like I genuinely couldn't talk I my mind went completely blank I knew what I wanted to say but my mouth wasn't saying it and I was embarrassed and like hyper aware in the moment as well which meant that I was just sweating from everywhere a top lip under the arms back everything was just profusely sweating and I just it was just really hard to watch and I've got footage of it and we've got great audio coverage of it and there were 20 people who I didn't really know who I was trying to impress and it just it really did not go well and even before that I launched a business two years ago now the whole story of it is actually wild like it feels like something out of a movie I look back and I can't believe I just experienced that whole experience but long story short I put in most of my life savings I was working 16 to 18 hour days seven days a week for 10 months straight everything I had I put into that business and it failed and I couldn't make it work and I couldn't make it work out but I'm so much better now at business than I was two years ago I'm even less scared when I public speak and then to be honest that was a very public failure people were filming on their phones we've got beautiful 4K footage and like crisp crisp audio of me just messing all my words up um but I'm okay with it because in the end no one actually cares the only person that benefited really from it is me I'm the one that wins if anything because I'm the one that knows how to get better I'm the one that learned okay don't do this next time or you need to be in this frame of mind or whatever it is I'm the one that won from me failing and that's why I didn't realize that failing is exactly how you get better and now that I've failed so many times I'm not scared of failing I'm not scared I didn't die it didn't hurt me it can't hurt me the world doesn't actually care what I should be scared of and I am scared of is not realizing what I'm capable of not actually pushing myself to the point of failure so that I keep improving and I keep learning that's what I'm actually scared of the next thing I wish I could tell myself is to take charge of your life or the world will do it for you like growing up I was such a people pleaser and to be honest by default I think I kind of am like I want to make people happy I want people to like me I hate confrontation even thinking about confrontation like my hands get sweaty like I I would just rather everyone just be chill and just be peaceful for years like I just couldn't say no I just felt like if I needed to say no I needed a full justification explanation and yet when the roles were reversed and one of my friends needed to say no to me I never thought anything of it I was just like yeah that's cool don't worry I don't mind I had a massive double standard and that meant that I just wasn't good at protecting my time I'm my space my peace I just wasn't good at setting boundaries for myself like everyone else's wants and needs came before mine and I'm not saying don't be a good friend I'm just saying that from years of struggling to say no I found that the world will just find a million ways to just fill your time and I think it's good to help when you can but there's only so much reacting you can do like having goals and respecting your own goals and what you're working towards requires you to be proactive and not reacting to everything around reacting to everything around I always refer to as being a little leaf in the wind you just get blown in every single Direction you can't get anywhere and trust me when I say this I hated saying no the first few times when I was at Uni I was president of the Triathlon Club and there was a point where the team no longer wanted to be coached by the coaches that we had and I had to break the news and that's really hard for me because I'm the people pleaser I like to keep the peace and I want everyone to be happy and it's the same with what I do now even now when I have to end Partnerships because they don't align with my values I have to say no but I'm thinking about it for weeks I've had the conversation a million times with Mario Mario gets bored of it he's like just do it already will you just stop putting it off I still find it hard to say no but I have to say no sometimes saying no is actually the best thing for everyone and if I didn't learn to say no then I could just say bye-bye to so many of the things that I want for myself they just wouldn't be happening and one of my big life goals is to create a scholarship where I can help underprivileged children go to university and give them a shot at achieving their dreams and that's a big goal and I need to respect that goal the same way that I respect other people's goals I need to respect it myself and I need to learn how to say no because otherwise it's not happening and I have to be okay with not being able to please everyone all the time I'll be honest like this is still one I'm working on like I'm working on saying no and being comfortable with saying no I don't know if I'll ever get there but at least I'm aware of it and at least I know that that's what I have to do the next thing I want to talk about is to challenge your beliefs often well when I was 21 I started seeing a therapist and he is kind of now a mentor for me he never told me what to think or told me what was right he just made sure that I was never thinking in a black and white way especially when it came to my beliefs about myself what I'm capable of whether I can do something or I can't he always always challenged that now the way he explained it to me was that over the course of time as I was growing up my beliefs about myself my place in the world become set like a frozen block of ice and that his job which eventually became my job was to regularly thaw out that block of ice over time I think we all settle into our beliefs of where we are in this world what we're capable of what's doable what's realistic or where our places in the world I think things like I can't pull that outfit off or I don't want to rock the boat people please over here if I want to create that change in my life and I want to realize what I'm capable of I have to realize that loads of these limits are just [ __ ] that's the main reason why I regularly set challenges to myself that regularly break the my own beliefs around what I'm capable of like I set myself that 24 hour run challenge where I ran for 24 hours straight with barely any practice not to show to myself that I can run but to remind myself that if I'd said I couldn't do it I would have been completely making it up and I'm probably doing that in other areas of my life as well the next thing I wish I knew is that you don't need to fit in I'm gonna put it out there I'm kind of weird I used to wish to fit in so badly I tried so hard my quirkiness made it really hard for me to make friends I literally used to just bounce around from Friendship group to Friendship group and for a lot of the time I felt quite alone even today like there are creators and brands in the health and fitness industry that don't like me because I'm difficult I know I'm difficult I have certain beliefs and I can't bend on them which makes me difficult to work with and there was a time where I wished I would fit in so badly just to make it easier to make friends but I realized that if my intentions are good and they're clean then I should just do what feels right to me and not feel bad about it being outside the only ways I've contributed actually made a contribution is from being an outsider being the same as everyone else there's nothing for me to contribute I'm just the same as everyone else so just embrace it be weird be [ __ ] out of this world I think the biggest difference to who I was 10 years ago is that I finally feel peace with not fitting in I'm genuinely completely okay about it I don't need people to understand me or to fully get where I'm coming from and that brings me on to happiness there is one person that will be with me for the rest of my life that has been with me for all of my life so far that knows my darkest deepest subconscious thoughts bear with me even in my dreams it's me closely followed by Mario but it's me and there's a quote I love that says that peace is happiness at rest and I think that's such a nice way to put it because I'm not always going to be actively happy but in the quiet times is my mind at peace and for a long time I don't think it was I think I just allowed way too much noise to happen like caring way too much about what other people thought about me caring too much about things that I wouldn't care about in a year's time always needing to be the best and I think I found peace by realizing that there are very few things that I me deeply care about most of the things I thought would make me happy actually end up getting kind of old so I've tried to be really truthful and honest with myself and be ruthlessly honest with myself about what actually makes me happy and a lot of the time it goes against what would give me people's validation like I love spending time with my friends and family that actually makes me really happy things that don't make me happy are things like buying too many thick just things just things like buying lots of material things doesn't actually make me happy in the long term my PhD that I was doing to impress everyone I just wanted the doctor at the start of my name I wanted to go to a prestigious school all of those things deep down didn't actually make me happy and even on YouTube some of you guys might have noticed something that I do for my peace and happiness which is that I shut down videos that are going too viral on my channel and I get comments being like where'd that video go I was gonna share it did it get taken down through copyright and it's just it's me pressing the private button um honestly it makes me feel good doing that because I want to come on here and be open and honest and I want to feel close with you and I feel like if I grew too quickly or if I would rather have 1.5 million friends than 5 million subscribers that's just how it is and that sounds weird to some people because they're like just get the number up like more more is more like why would you not want to be more famous or have more social status and that doesn't bring me happiness like I feel really happy and I feel peaceful when I know my audience I know you guys you guys are my friends and I feel comfortable around you guys and that's why that's why I do that and I guess I my past self would have never understood that many creators don't understand that but that's my reasoning behind it and it makes me feel really happy so these are the things that I feel have made the biggest difference to me changing as a person don't get me wrong I am not perfect by any means at any of these like I don't think I'll ever be perfect at them I still have to regularly remind myself that no one has their [ __ ] together that you need to constantly be failing to be pushing the boundaries of what you're capable of that you have to take charge of your life and be okay with saying no otherwise the world she's going to push you about and I'm just gonna be that little leaf blowing in the wind and that I have to constantly challenge my beliefs and I don't need to be understood I just need to fully understand Truly Deeply what makes me happy they've made a massive difference to how I see the world and how I see myself in the world and I love you guys so much please give me a big thumbs up if you enjoyed this video hit the Subscribe button to join our Incredible family and I will see you guys very soon I love you bye [Applause] [Music] foreign [Music]

Channel: Natacha Océane

Views: 373,834

Keywords: routine, lifestyle, healthy, health, productive, mindset, habit, habits, fit, fitness, diet, workout, fat, loss, weight, lose, natacha, Natacha Oceane

Id: iqudPkJ020A

Length: 18min 42sec (1122 seconds)

Published: Tue Sep 20 2022