-As we head into autumn, the pandemic seems to
continue to linger, mostly due to the fact
that some people have yet to be vaccinated,
which brings us to a new segment we're calling "Shot or Not." ♪♪ Kentucky Senator Rand Paul
said that he would not get a coronavirus vaccine because he
already had the virus. Even more bad news for anyone who has to get
within six feet of him. -Leave him alone! -Excuse me? -Leave him alone! Haven't we made fun
of Rand Paul enough? -Well, sir, you know,
he is a public figure, so I do think it's okay
to make jokes about him. -Leave him alone! Poor guy. He's just doing the best he can. Last thing he needs after
working all day in the Senate is to get home, turn on the TV,
and see you taking him to task. Leave him alone! -I'm sorry, sir, are you
a Rand Paul supporter? -If I'm a supporter of anything,
it's kindness. Compassion. Not mean-spirited jokes. If you have to make fun of
somebody, make fun of me. -Yeah, the thing -- I don't know
even know you, though, so why would I make fun of you? -Well, you could make fun of the
fact that my toilet overflows every time I go to the bathroom, because I happen to have
very thick tinkle. -I don't want to
make fun of that. I usually just tell jokes about
people who are in the news, like, you know, Rand Paul. -Oh, sure, make fun
of Rand Paul. Have your fun. Go ahead and say he looks like
someone threw a Brillo pad on top of an ass[bleep] [ Laughter ] -That is very not nice. -I know!
So very leave him alone! -I would just like to get back
to my jokes, please. -Oh, you want something to joke
about? How about this? You could make fun of the fact
that I got left at the altar -- when my parents baptized me.
[ Laughter ] -Buddy, I don't want to
make fun of you. -Are you sure? Because you could
make fun of the fact that I constantly like
to toot my own horn. -Well, you know, actually,
a healthy ego is nothing to be ashamed of. -And by toot my own horn I mean play the trumpet
with my butthole. -Ugh! You shouldn't tell people that. -You talk-show hosts
are so rude -Hey! -Sorry, Seth, I usually don't
like to make blanket statements, but this one is so soft. [ Laughter ] -What? Please, just sit down. [ Laughter ] -Are you going to
leave him alone? -No! -Then this rump is staying ump. -Ugh. -Ugh?
[ Laughter ] Ugh to you! You know, if you really need
somebody to make fun of, you could make fun of the fact
that I asked my girlfriend to marry me in Klingon. And she responded --
[ Speaking Klingon ] Which means, "Who are you, and
how did you get into my house?" -I want to continue my show. -Fine. Go ahead and get back to
your Rand Paul jokes. But you know what
I'd say to that? Oh, don't you?
-Leave him alone? -Wait, what?
[ Laughter ] What did you say?
[ Laughter ] What did you say to me?! -Leave him alone!
-Leave him alone! Right! Ugh! If you need to make fun of
somebody, make fun of me. -Uh-huh.
-You could make fun of the fact that my kitchen table
is a mirror so I can watch what I eat. Or you could make fun
of the fact that I don't believe in mandates
or woman dates. Or you could make fun
of the fact that I still sleep with
a stuffed animal. It's a taxidermied squirrel
and he smells terrible. Or you could make fun of the
fact that I don't like wearing socks because they get caught on
all seven of my toe rings. One for each of my toes. -Just stop, please, stop. -Fine, I'll stop. But just so you know, I think I did a very good job
in this sketch. -Oh, are you tooting
your own horn? -No. But I am now. [ Note plays ] Pretty impressive, right? -Not really. -Then how about this? [ "When the Saints
Go Marching in" plays ] ♪♪
[ Laughter ] ♪♪ Grand finale! -Oh, no, come on. ♪♪ ♪♪ [ Music ends ]
[ Laughter ] -That was a little impressive. -Thank you -- Ooh, ooh, ooh.
[ Laughter ] But remember, kids --
because this is for the kids -- leave him alone! Wink!
