The Island of Dr Moreau - The Most Disastrous Movie Ever Made

is the most outrageous spectacle I have ever witnessed you know making a movie is a pretty complicated business when you think about it like a car engine a whole bunch of different components of to work in harmony to produce the desired results and just like a car engine especially mine the potential for fuck-ups and breakdowns is never far away whether it's studio interference clashing egos onset logistical problems and competent directors spiraling budgets or scripts that just don't work and have to be hastily rewritten on the fly the possibilities to derail a production are practically endless but sometimes just sometimes all of these different elements manage to join forces into some unholy union of shittiness to wreak absolute havoc on everyone involved and one film in particular stands above all the rest as the undisputed king of [ __ ] mountain a movie that will forever live in infamy as one of the most difficult nightmarish and unintentionally hilarious disasters ever committed to film and that movie is the island of dr. Moreau it's legitimately one of the worst movies I've ever seen in my entire life but in this case what went on behind the scenes of this film is even more interesting than the turd which made it unto cinemas in 1996 and because I could do with a good old laugh today I thought it might be interesting to chronicle just how exactly this disaster unfold eat so grab your pint of tequila and let us journey together into the hearts of darkness the island of dr. Moreau is based off a 19th century novel by HG Wells about a mad scientist who fuses together humans and animals to create a race of horrifying hybrids that exhibit the characteristics of both but the intellect of neither kingdom like the woman from Dundee [ __ ] man I've had some bad nights there like meats earlier anyway the book eventually came to the attention of a South African director named Richard Stanley who made it his mission to write and direct a modern movie adaptation after spending years working on the project he approached New Line Cinema who eventually gave him the green lights and a hefty budget of 40 million dollars to make it work they were even able to get legendary actor marlon brando on board mostly because his career was on the downturn and he needed a paycheck those Krispy Kremes aren't gonna pay for themselves you know bringing him in would prove to be both the best and worst decision that newline' ever made see being able to say that you've starred in a movie opposite marlon brando is a pretty [ __ ] cool thing to put on your resume and by the mid-90s it was pretty obvious that particular window of opportunity was closing rapidly as a result Bruce Willis and James Woods both signed on for the movie nice one chaps but that's when [ __ ] started to go wrong Willis his marriage to Demi Moore was falling apart forcing him to drop out so he could start a messy divorce his replacement was none other than Val Kilmer who already had a reputation for being one of the biggest [ __ ] in Hollywood and would go on to cement that legacy with his behavior on this film in fact his Dickus nasaan set reached such levels that this movie basically derailed his entire career the other big problem was that Kilmer was only willing to do the bare minimum in terms of shooting days which for Stanley to recast him as a supporting character and fireteams Woods to make way for him with no other big names willing to get involved Rob Morel was hastily recast in the main role but drinker you pugnacious pugilist of pros I hear you say this is nothing new movies often go through last-minute casting changes and sometimes it works out for the best what's the big deal this time well my sadly optimistic friend this shit's just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the island of dr. Moreau the real problems began once the camera started rolling just as film kicked off in the Australian jungle Marlon Brando's daughter suddenly passed away forcing him to abandon the shoot to go away and deal with it with no clue about when or even if he would come back the only option was to start shooting the scenes he wasn't in and just hope for the best that's when val kilmer found out that his wife was divorcing him when she announced it on a [ __ ] TV interview Oh naturally Kilmer wanted to get the [ __ ] out of there but the studio refused to release him from his contract which left him stuck in a kind of cinematic purgatory until the film was finished no a different man might have handled this development with dignity and professionalism stoic ly doing his job and fulfilling his obligations no matter the personal difficulties Val Kilmer however was not such a man instead he immediately began cousin problems on set showing up way every day refusing to learn his lines bullying and abusing the cast and crew around him and clashing with the director over basically every decision meanwhile tropical storms hammered the entire area damaging the sets and forcing more delays while they were repaired the studio were getting pretty nervous about all this and Stan Lee's tactic of refusing to take their calls or give them any kind of clue about what was happening didn't exactly help the situation needless to say the atmosphere quickly became more toxic then a reddit political thread and morale deteriorated to the point where Rob morale broke down in tears and begged the studio to release him from his contract while they were at it they also decided to release the director from a movie that was rapidly spiraling out of control his reaction was something along the lines of okay [ __ ] you then in retaliation he shredded all of his production notes scripts and every important document that he could get his hands on then he promptly lost his mind suffered a complete mental breakdown and vanished into the Australian jungle okay but what makes this thing even more awesome is that he was eventually able to sneak back on set as an extra disguised in heavy make up so that he could spy on the production he'd been forced out of he even blacked his way into the wrap party just so that he could tell Val Kilmer what [ __ ] had he been what's a legend he wasn't the only one to leave either by Rosa Park the lead actress decided she'd had enough of this [ __ ] and tried to make a run for it only to be caught at the airport in Sydney and forced to go back to the set Jesus Christ prisoner of war camps are easier to escape from than this movie anyway with tens of millions of dollars wasted and nothing of value accomplished John Frankenheimer was eventually brought in as a replacement director on the agreement that he got complete control and a three-picture deal of his own basically he didn't give a [ __ ] about this film but it was a chance to get his own projects off the ground and work with Marlon Brando so he was like yeah whatever speaking of which when Brando eventually showed up again he immediately went to war with Val Kilmer see it turns out that having to awkward prickly self-absorbed [ __ ] that are difficult to work with starring opposite each other isn't a recipe for success it would be like trying to make a movie today starring two brie Larson's they quickly came to hate each other and did everything in their power to [ __ ] each other over and sabotage the movie Kilmer because he was locked into a contract he desperately wanted out of and Brundle because he was guaranteed to get paid no matter how little work he actually did they were so [ __ ] petty that neither man was willing to leave his makeup trailer before the other leaving the cast and crew waiting for hours in the searing tropical heat for them to show up nice work ya dicks Frankenheimer hated Kilmer so much that as soon as he'd filmed his last scene he brought in security men to escort him off set told him to [ __ ] off and never come near him again Brando meanwhile couldn't be arsed learning his lines and relied on a concealed microphone to get him through his scenes which was just fine until it started picking up transmissions on local police frequencies he gave Saul sort of a [ __ ] they'd actually just repeat them as if they were lights from the script he also came up with the genius idea for his character to wear an ice bucket on his head because it was hot and he was morbidly obese and because everyone was scared he'd quit the movie if they challenged him there it stayed in all its glory an eternal monument so one man's bloated vanity and hubris at the other end of the spectrum the world's smallest man even got a piece of the action because Marlon Brando had become kind of obsessed with him for some reason he demanded that he got more screen time forcing them to come up with random scenes like this to give him something to do [Music] the power quickly went to his head though only repeatedly harassed and propositioned female extras through the use of his interpreter who also happened to be his sister it's not often that the drinker is left speechless by something but there you go this movie must have been [ __ ] wild man anyway production eventually dragged on for six agonizing months just imagine that for a moment if you can six months stuck in the middle of the Australian jungle with a bunch of people who hate each other and are actively working to prevent the project from getting finished cast and crew became increasingly mutinous as the monsters dragged on people walked off set and never returned and the survivors ended up having wild drug and alcohol fueled orgies in the jungle at night to pass the time like imagine if this was your first experience of the movie industry you show up on set all excited and enthusiastic for your first job only to find yourself facing six months of this things didn't get much better when production finally wrapped and the movie staggered out into cinemas half the cast didn't even bother to show up to the premiere because they were so [ __ ] disgusted with the entire experience to this day David Thewlis refuses to watch the movie because he had such a shitty time making it I can't say I blame him to be honest I kind of wish I'd never seen it either because what did we actually get after forty million dollars multiple hirings and firings nervous breakdowns divorces and six months of nightmarish locations [ __ ] a dull bloated pretentious amateurish and unintentionally hilarious disaster of a movie this swings wildly between ridiculous attempts at shocking body horror and pseudo philosophical ramblings about the danger of men playing God and science going too far a movie lumbered with borderline incoherent dialogue goofy creature effects that look like they came from a late-night sci-fi channel original a nonsensical plot stitched together from whatever usable footage they were able to salvage and baffling performances that reflect the level of insanity and desperation on set the island of doctor Morrow is a perfect illustration of what happens when every negative aspect of Hollywood filmmaking somehow congeals together into a festering pool of absolute failure the chaos and hubris of a director completely out of his depth the disgusting amounts of wasted time money and efforts the out-of-control Eagles of pampered stars the panicked meddling of clueless studio executives and the beleaguered film crew trying to do their jobs under near impossible conditions I cannot begin to imagine how awful it must have been to work on this film but [ __ ] me it's fun to point and laugh at it now ah it's a textbook example of home not to make a movie and if nothing else no matter what disasters and calamities before you in life no matter how hopeless and desperate things may seem rest assured that it could be worse at least you didn't work on the island of dr. Moreau anyway let's all I've got for today go away now

Channel: The Critical Drinker

Views: 2,292,295

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Id: X9Cg-upCQD8

Length: 12min 47sec (767 seconds)

Published: Mon Jul 06 2020