MATT: Welcome to tonight's episode of Critical
Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons. Oh, that
was good. Well done. LIAM: We all had to fought to be heard that time. MATT: Yeah! It helps when you all say it at once
because it just becomes noise at that point and nothing really affects me. I find it funny, it
amuses. So yes, welcome! Before we jump into tonight's game, let's go through some quick
announcements. First and foremost, we have returning our fantastic sponsor and partner for
the beginning of this campaign into the foreseeable future: D&D Beyond! TRAVIS: D&D Beyond! MATT: Sam, do you have a-- SAM: Guys, check out DnDBeyond.com. They're giving
away a Legendary Bundle on their Facebook page. A Legendary Bundle contains every digital source
available on D&D Beyond, all reference books, including a pre-order for Mordenkainen's Tome of
Foes. Go to Facebook.com/DnDBeyond, check out that top pinned post for instructions. Last week, as
you all know, I sent out a request saying, "Send "me your stories of D&D Beyond, mail me your
stories," so I got some viewer mail to read. "Dear "Sam, you're my favorite on Critical Role, don't
tell Travis!" TRAVIS: Fucking dicks. SAM: "Also a big fan of D&D Beyond, but had one
question: Was that you I saw in Studio City, "running around covered only in mayonnaise? If so,
what the hell, dude?" I don't know what that is. "Dear Sam, I own a convenience store, we have your
show on our TV all the time, love you as Nott, but "please be aware I've filed an injunction to keep
you a hundred feet away from the store. We have "you on-camera stealing jars of mayonnaise and
smearing them all over your body. PS: D&D Beyond "rocks." Okay. "Dear Sam, to answer your question:
No, we do not consider 16 jars of Hellman's "mayonnaise slathered over your naked body
appropriate attire for our furry convention. No, "it does not matter if you use Cool-Whip instead,
your credentials have been revoked, please stop "asking." There's nothing even about D&D Beyond in
that one. But hey! D&D Beyond! MATT: Didn't realize mayonnaise could be a
fursona, but I guess we all learned something tonight. Thank you, Sam. TRAVIS: It's great camouflage. LIAM: I think Matt went dead inside. LAURA: I was looking at his face as that was going
on, was like-- MATT: What is going on, Sam? Thank you, Sam. LIAM: I guess somebody at this table used to go to
furry conventions. MATT: Nothing wrong with that, unless you're
covered in mayonnaise. LIAM: It does not go well with fur. MATT: Exactly. Another reminder for those of you
who have Amazon Prime, can go on Twitch and use your Prime account to subscribe for free to any
channel you want to, every month, and I think they just put out an email to Prime members that they
have a new way of making sure it notifies you whenever your subscription is up, so you can know
when that's happening, which is pretty useful. Also, Talks Machina, of course, is every Tuesday
night at 7:00PM Pacific here on Twitch and Project Alpha, hosted by our fantastic Brian W. Foster. TRAVIS: Hey! MARISHA: Nailed it! You know our friend's name. MATT: That's going to be your announcement from
now on. Cabbageman Foster is a fantastic host of the show, you can check him out next week, thank
you, Brian. Podcast of last week's episode is available where all fine podcasts downloadable, so
if you want the audio version, or your friends are listening to the audio versions, they can find it
now and be caught up after this episode, I guess. LAURA: (loud whisper) Can I have a pencil? MARISHA: (loud whisper) Yeah. MATT: I'm talking! LAURA: I'm sorry. I just saw that she had
pencils. LIAM: I have a bunch as well. MATT: That's okay. Heads up to all of our fans, we're
going to be at Emerald City Comic Con. Our good friends at Dark Horse will be selling the print
version of Vox Machina: Origins #1. SAM: They already are, aren't they? LAURA: Yeah, it's happening MATT: Oh, that's right, because it's already there!
There you go. LIAM: And there's copies for us in this building
somewhere. MARISHA: Are there? TALIESIN: You have fluff on your chin. LAURA: You got it. TRAVIS: Just leave it there. MATT: There you go. TRAVIS: That's right. There's a limited number. MATT: Yeah, they only have 1000 copies, so if
you're going to get one, get it soon. LAURA: That's it? LIAM: Yeah, that's it. LAURA: They might be gone already! LIAM: Could be. LAURA: It's gone, you got it. MATT: The limit's only five copies per person, per
day, so we'll see how that works out. That's Dark Horse, booth 1708 at the event, so if you're going
to be there, look for that. Also, you'll be able to look for these two folks. You guys are flying
out to that tomorrow, right? TRAVIS: We are. LAURA: Early, early, early in the morning. TRAVIS: We'll be there around noon thirty for our
first panel of the day. LAURA: We have a couple of Critical Role things
tomorrow, so come say hi. MATT: Issue five of the comic book, by the way,
goes up March 7th, so next week, you'll be able to check out the fifth comic, the next stage in the
story. LIAM: Character development. MATT: It's pretty awesome, actually. I'm excited
for you guys to check it out. I'm excited to read it myself, so keep an eye out for that. You can
find it on Dark Horse's digital comics platform, comiXology, and many other places you can find
on the Geek & Sundry website that I didn't bother to put down. Once again, reminding that
826LA and 826 in general is our partner-friend charity from the very beginning of this whole
stream and we're still pushing them because they're amazing. Check them out if you haven't had
the chance; they do great work, and maybe you can do great work with them either by helping support
them-- MARISHA: Go volunteer! Go start a D&D club! Hit
them up! Kids and D&D are hilarious. MATT: As a heads up, I'll be at Lexington Comic &
Toy Convention next weekend in Kentucky, so for those of you guys who are in that vicinity, come
say hello to me! MARISHA: Represent! MATT: Exactly. MARISHA: Hometown! Well, not really. An hour and a
half outside my hometown! TRAVIS: Partial, yeah. MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: Relatively. It's fine. Come and hopefully
see me there! We'll have events and signings and all kinds of good stuff, so, yay! I think that's
almost all of the announcements? MARISHA: We're Alive just came out on Project
Alpha with the amazing horror aficionado Ivan Van Norman. It's awesome. It's based off of the "We're
Alive" podcast; it's "We're Alive: Frontier." It's, oh man, you guys have to go watch it. Next
week is the first episode of my new show with Mr. Matt Key: Key Question! That's on Tuesday. LAURA: I'm excited about that one. MARISHA: It's going to be good. It's got some good
shit in it, been looking at the edits. So yeah. Go watch. MATT: And... I think that's it, right? LAURA: Oh, well, there's one little thing, which
is that Travis and I are... having a baby! (cheering) LAURA: All this! This right here! TRAVIS: Look at this one, too. (laughter) TALIESIN: That's currently available in the store
right now. LAURA: That's available in the store. TRAVIS: Limited number, limited quality. I think
there are only one. MARISHA: Available where you can find all babies. LAURA: Very excited to not have to hide it on the
show anymore! Thanks for blocking my belly the whole time. SAM: Certainly. Your turn to block mine! LAURA: Yay! MATT: We got our new Critter coming. So excited. LAURA: That's right. We rolled a character sheet
for our baby on our announcement. MARISHA: I like Bladder Kick. That one's my
favorite. MATT: That was pretty great. If you guys haven't
seen it yet on Laura and Travis' Twitter, you can go and see the announcement page. It's pretty
adorable. TRAVIS: I like his flaws: poops his pants. MATT: It's a pretty big flaw... and for some
people it's a strength. I don't know. LIAM: The baby is sitting playing Dungeons &
Dragons with us. LIAM and LAURA: Right now. LAURA: Oh. MARISHA: The baby is being watched by so many
people. LAURA: Don't be shy baby, it's okay! SAM: Hey, are you guys going to hold a Critter
contest to name your child? LAURA: What a good idea, Sam! No! (laughter) TRAVIS: Son of a-- go ahead and do that. Go
ahead. LIAM: Send those suggestions to @laurabaileyVO on
twitter.com! MARISHA: You're definitely live-streaming the
birth though, right? LAURA: Oh, live-streaming the birth. We're going
to Periscope the birth for sure. My goal is to go into labor while we're playing on a Thursday
night. MATT: We laugh now. LAURA: How great would that be? MATT: Oh, man. LIAM: Well, we played the game once in that back
office, so we could just move to you and then bring the stuff with us. MATT: That's true, yeah! LIAM: Dwarven Forge, Dwarven Forge, Dwarven
Forge. MATT: On that note! Congratulations to the two of
you guys, we're all super excited for you. ALL: Yay! MATT: And with that, let's go ahead and dive into
tonight's episode of Critical Role! [click, TV static] [groovy Critical Role theme] MATT: Welcome back. And welcome back, Laura, when
she gets done using the restroom. Where we left off, you guys have been travelling northward into
the Marrow Valley, eventually making your way towards the city of Zadash. Along the way, you
were passing by the city of Alfield just past the sunset as an incursion of a gnoll warband began to
set fire to a number of the buildings. You rushed in to aid some of the denizens there, jumped in
under the watch of Bryce, the Watchmaster there, and managed to slay a few, but they managed to
escape with a number of bodies and living members of the community. You were then given the
opportunity to make some money and to wreak some proper vengeance for this town by finding out
where these gnolls were and retrieve those who were still living and/or the bodies of those that
needed to at least be given a proper burial. Along that path, you discovered this underground network
of what was an abandoned mine where they had been holing up. While you were travelling down there
and battling with these gnolls as you did, you encountered a new ally: this individual named
Shakäste and his amazing little dark hummingbird. All of you together managed to make your way
through, save a number of lives-- (burps) pardon me-- encounter the priest of these gnollish
creatures who had been using these members of the town to help feed a mother manticore. To retrieve
some of the living members, you managed to get into battle with it. Nott slew the baby manticore,
drawing its ire, and you all, by the skin of your teeth, took both the priest and her out, and in
doing so saved the lives of those that were within, retrieved a small bounty of things that
were caught within the nest and the priest's corpse, and made your way back to town. Upon
arriving-- (shuffling chairs, laughter) TRAVIS: Anything for that butt-shot, Sam. MATT: That's Sam's gift to you guys. Upon
returning, the sun had set. A number of members of the city of Alfield began to thank you for what
you've done. They began to come out into the streets and began to make small campfires and play
music and basically take this moment to both grieve and be thankful that there are individuals
who will stand up and show strength in the face of darkness even this far out on the edges of the
empire. In this time, you realize right about now that your new friend Shakäste seems to have
vanished from the vicinity. You glance about, and at a quick look, he's gone. LAURA: Where did Shakäste go? SAM: I don't know. He's very mysterious. MARISHA: He's the coolest. LAURA: He's like the wind. (gasps) Maybe he was the
Traveler! SAM: What does that mean, the Traveler? LAURA: The Traveler. SAM: What does that mean? TRAVIS: It's like a deity. LAURA: Well, yeah, mostly. Yeah. SAM: Oh. LAURA: I mean, he takes many forms. SAM: Do you worship the Traveler? LAURA: Maybe I'm the Traveler. SAM: Okay, maybe she doesn't worship the
Traveler. LAURA: I mean, yeah, sure. I worship him, sure.
He's more like my best friend. TRAVIS: Jester, don't you think that if that was
the Traveler he would have said, "Hey. I'm the Traveler." LAURA: Probably. MARISHA: He didn't seem very irreverent in the way
the Traveler seems to be. TRAVIS: Yep. LAURA: How do you know what the Traveler's like?
Do you hang out with the Traveler too? MARISHA: No, but I hang out with you. LAURA: Oh, right. Well, he's probably not the
Traveler, then. LIAM: I liked that guy, though. He was good. MARISHA: He was. TRAVIS: He was pretty cool. LIAM: He was talented. SAM: Are you okay, Caleb? You went a little quiet
there for a little while. MARISHA: Is that your first time killing
something? Or somebody? LIAM: He was burned alive in front of me. MARISHA: Yeah, you did that, though. LIAM: I am well aware that I killed a person. I
have nothing else to say, why is everyone looking at me? LAURA: Have you ever killed someone before? TRAVIS: We were worried. You kind of went into a
state. Just making sure you are all right. LIAM: I'm okay. TRAVIS: All right, yeah. LIAM: It was terribly grisly; his hair was on fire
and he burned horribly. Maybe it went a little further than I anticipated-- I have killed people
before in defense, <i>ja</i>. But not like that. TALIESIN: Well, there's one surefire way to make
sure that he's all right, which is, we get drunk on something really expensive and listen to the
stories of all the people we just saved so you can feel better about everything that just
happened. LIAM: Okay, that sounds good. TALIESIN: And we're going to spend a ridiculous amount
of the money we just made. LAURA: I'm okay with that. MARISHA: I am too. SAM: Oh, didn't we get some items as well? LAURA: Oh, yeah! Who was it that had that stuff? TRAVIS: Apparently, I raise my hand in this group.
That just happened. TALIESIN: Yes, you, the small one in the back. TRAVIS: Yeah, we have a silver ring with a little
blue gem on it. LAURA: Can I have it? TRAVIS: Hold on a second! LAURA: I like rings! TRAVIS: Fucking pace yourself, all right? Yeah, I
know. The bling is going to come your way, all right? We have a carved wand. Anybody have a wand
that's not carved? SAM: Is it a stick? TRAVIS: It is. SAM: I like sticks. TRAVIS: Oh, shit. Well. Yeah. We got some chained
manacles, they're some big sons of bitches with a bunch of runes on the cuffs. LAURA: Ooh. TALIESIN: I like manacles. MARISHA: Who ended up grabbing the goggles? Did I
grab the goggles? I got them off the priest! MATT: You did, yes. MARISHA: I'm going to pull them out, take a look
at them. TALIESIN: Those are fancy. MATT: The base of them is a soft leather that's
been cured and taken care of once you manage to wipe off some of the blood and soot from the
remains of the previous owner. It's a set of goggles that can be comfortably placed over your
head, and the glass elements, or the lenses of them have a bluish-purple sheen to them. MARISHA: I put them on. LIAM: Would you like to know what they are before
you put them on? MARISHA: Too late, man. It's like Thir13en Ghosts
(screams). No, I don't know. LAURA: What does it look like? Is it like a
kaleidoscope? MATT: When you place them over your eyes, because
immediately in the vicinity there's the few small bonfires people have gathered around, other than
that, it's a dark night sky with stars peeking through the elements of the clouds that have broken apart. It
looks like a cloudfront is still blowing in from the eastern side of the valley, but from what
little bit of the sky you can see, the stars are there. Upon placing the lenses over your eyes, you
have clear definition of all the nearby buildings, the dark alleyways. You have a very clear
perspective on anything that is not directly being hit by firelight, and the firelight is almost a
little too bright. MARISHA: Holy shit, you guys. Is this what you can
see all the time? LAURA: I don't know, what does it look like? MARISHA: It's like I got night vision! Like I can
see... things! LIAM: Look over here. You look like a nerd. MARISHA: I can deal with that, it's fine. TRAVIS: That's great. With you humans-- MARISHA: I can see shit! TRAVIS: Yeah, it's real important. We were running
into problems-- TALIESIN: I'm curious, can I try them on really
quick? LAURA: Do they fit over your-- TALIESIN: No, I got to unstrap them. I'm holding
them up-- MATT: It tugs all of your horn jewelry and under
it in an uncomfortable way. TRAVIS: Jingle jangle jingle jingle. MATT: No effect, actually. TALIESIN: Yeah, this is nothing. MARISHA: Lies. TRAVIS: Hey, Caleb. LIAM: Yeah? SAM: Can you see through my clothes? MARISHA: Do you want me to see through your
clothes? SAM: No. MARISHA: Nah. TRAVIS: I remember you have an ability to
identify? LIAM: I don't have ability, I understand
certain magics. If you want me to explain what those things are before you try them willy-nilly,
yes, I can tell you-- LAURA: Ooh, then look at the ring that I want! TRAVIS: Yeah, sure, yes. LIAM: May I see it? TRAVIS: Absolutely. Here's the silver ring with
the blue gem. LIAM: Yeah. You know, I'm just going to check D&D
Beyond to see if I-- Yeah, I'm all tapped, but-- SAM: Maybe you could just look at it and see with
your smarts. LIAM: I will tell you something. TRAVIS: Motherfucker. LAURA: He totally just took the ring from-- TRAVIS: I know! LIAM: I will tell you something: I don't need to
have this ring, I can tell you what it is. MATT: Do you have Identify as a spell? LIAM: I do, but I need a pearl. I say to Fjord, I
need a somewhat valuable pearl, then I can do it all day long. I can know what anything is, even
though I am tired. LAURA: Ooh, do any of the rings that I have on my
fingers have a pearl on them? SAM: How about the one that I stole from her? MATT: The ring that would have the pearl on it is
no longer on your hand, and the one that you have does have set into it a fairly nice pearl. LAURA: (gasps) You have a pearl! SAM: Would you-- LIAM: Is that worth about a hundred gold pieces? MATT: You can certainly try. LIAM: Oh, yes, let me-- Can I borrow this? SAM: I want it back, though. LIAM: This is not instantaneous. Since I am so
tired, it takes me a little bit longer. I wedge out one of my books and I set it on the ground. MARISHA: Do you want to go to-- TALIESIN: Instead of setting a book on the ground,
let's sit at a table at a pub or bar. TRAVIS: We'll make sure you're not disturbed. LIAM: It's up to you. I haven't done this in a
while and I'm excited to do it. But I could hold off a little. TALIESIN: I require drink and lumbar support. LIAM: Okay, I take the book and I close it and
then I put it back. LAURA: Do you want me to carry it for you? LIAM: No, I have both the ring and the one that
Fjord gave me. So if it's good for you, you may have it. I'm more interested in executing
skill. TRAVIS: Okay, yeah. Molly, I need something from
you. TALIESIN: Yes? TRAVIS: Find us a fucking bar. TALIESIN: On it. SAM: Should we just go to the Feed and Mead? LAURA: Let's do it! SAM: Or somewhere else? LAURA: I hope they have milk. TRAVIS: Because the Candleglow Inn is fucking
toast. TALIESIN: I'm going to just literally yell at the
top of my lungs in the middle of the crowd: I'm looking for the best pub in this bloody town! MATT: As soon as you finish screaming it, you turn
around and go face to face with Crute, the rather rough-looking dwarf who runs the Feed and Mead
where you guys have been staying. He goes, "Huh, "that would be my place where you are staying." TALIESIN: Onward! MATT: Everyone around is like "Eh." But
he's already got your attention. He leads you guys back to the familiar Feed and Mead. Where has been
empty previously when you guys were staying there, now there seems to be a little bit of an air of
celebration. Since that is where you guys are going, other people are following and it seems the
party is going where you're going. As you enter the place, Crute seems excited because now all of
a sudden there's a burst in clientele. TRAVIS: Pub crawl. SAM: There's only one pub. MATT: As you begin to order your drinks, many of
the various villagers prevent you from paying. For the remainder of the evening, your drinks are on
the town of Alfield. TRAVIS: Very, very generous. Fucking drink up. LIAM: Before we even go into the building, I go
over to Nott and adjust the hood a little bit further forward. SAM: Are my ears tucked back in? LIAM: The ears are in and make sure that the mask
is secure. Have fun. SAM: Okay. You're really all right, Caleb? LIAM: Yeah, I'm okay. It was a rough night. SAM: I know, but you went a bit catatonic. LIAM: I did. SAM: Did you see anything or have a vision? I
don't know. LIAM: No, I did not see a vision. I saw a burning
person. SAM: All right. They were bad. LIAM: Let's go get a drink. SAM: All right. TALIESIN: Anybody who tries to buy me a drink, I
slip a silver into their pocket. Let me know how low we get. MATT: Okay. They're common folk for the most part.
Nobody seems to notice. Those that even do watch you aren't going to argue. Now, is that just
drinks on you? TALIESIN: When any time we let them buy us drinks,
I'm just going to put a silver in anybody's pocket who's buying us drinks. MATT: Okay, depending on how many rounds you guys
want, that'll put you down about two gold probably by the time the night is done. TALIESIN: Done. SAM: I'm going to keep getting shots and pouring
them into my flask and going up and asking for another. MATT: Fair enough. Make it three gold (laughs).
Caleb, you're spending time-- LIAM: I'm going to find a corner table in the
ruckus. I will take the ring with the pearl, and I hold it right here. I pull out the other ring and
I look at it and I begin to focus and study the different angles of it and hope that I have a
pearl of enough value to make things happen. LAURA: I'm going to sit next to Caleb and watch it
all happen. MATT: It is riveting. LAURA: Don't you need to pull out your book so you
can look at your spells? LIAM: It's already out. LAURA: Oh. LIAM: You know when you play D&D, you don't
narrate taking a pooper, but you can assume that the characters take a pooper every day. TRAVIS: (chagrined) I narrated it. LAURA: This is true. LIAM: Some things just happen. LAURA: While he's doing everything he's doing, I'm
going try to very subtly draw a dick in his book. MATT: Make a sleight of hand check. SAM: (singing) It's a dick in a book. LAURA: Natural 20! SAM: Natural dick 20. TALIESIN: 20 god damn dicks. MATT: Yes, the pearl is enough for you to focus on
the spell. LIAM: Yes! MATT: The ring. MARISHA: What is it? SAM: Is this our first item? MATT: And you know what this is. LAURA: It's our first item! LIAM: Oh. LAURA: What is it, Caleb? LIAM: This is good. You may have it. I don't get
into water too much, as you could guess. This is good for walking yourself upon water. You take
this, as promised. MARISHA: That's rad. LAURA: You can stand on and move across any liquid
surface? LIAM: Yeah, but also why is there a dickbutt in my
spellbook? LAURA: Where did that come from? LIAM: I don't know. Maybe it was Nott pulling a
prank on me. LAURA: Probably. It was probably Nott. Wow, this
ring is so cool! TRAVIS: Hey, Caleb, are you exhausted from that
experience? We do have other items to-- LIAM: No, I don't need-- well, I do want one drink,
but I don't need a ton of drinks. This is my thing, so what else did we get? TRAVIS: We have a carved stick-- wand. LIAM: I will take the wand. TRAVIS: Yup. LIAM: Thank you. TRAVIS: These big fucking chain manacles I've just got
over my shoulder. LIAM: I need another ten minutes. Fjord, would you
get me a second whiskey? By the time you get back, maybe I will understand what this is. TRAVIS: I ain't a fucking waitress. LIAM: Ten minutes later. MATT: Yep. Look at the majesty of this. LAURA: What is it? TRAVIS: It's a wand of dickbutts. LAURA: How fortunate. LIAM: (sighs) LAURA: What is it? TRAVIS: That's the: Do I tell them or do I not? LAURA: What is it?! LIAM: It's fascinating. (laughter) LIAM: Oh. Do you know how to use wands? LAURA: Of course I do. LIAM: Is she full of shit? What do I roll? MATT: Make an insight check. LIAM: Yeah. I got a 15. MATT: She seems to be on the level. LAURA: Yeah, I'm on the level. LIAM : This is too dangerous for you to have. I'm
keeping this one-- LAURA: No, just tell me what it is, Caleb! LIAM: No it's for me, I gave you the ring. That's
the deal. I promised it to you and now you have it. TALIESIN: What does the wand do? TRAVIS: Yeah, I was going to say, you can just
share. LAURA: You have to tell us. LIAM: If I tell you, you will try to steal it from
me. TRAVIS: No, I swear I won't. LAURA: Unless it's a wand that makes doughnuts or
pickles, then I probably won't try to steal it, probably. LIAM: No, it's too dangerous. (laughter) LAURA: No, Caleb! TALIESIN: I'm taking his drink away. You don't get
to drink. TRAVIS: Now it's definitely going to be stolen. We have one other item. Not that I don't
love my posture being corrected. MATT: You technically have two more. LIAM: Fine, do you want to know what it does? LAURA: Yes! LIAM: I will show you what it does. LAURA: What does it do? Wait, he's doing it! SAM: Oh, he's casting the wand. LIAM: I point this stick at Jester. MATT: Okay, make a-- is it a wisdom or charisma? LIAM: It is a charisma saving throw. MATT: Charisma saving throw, please. LAURA: Ah, oh Jesus. Okay. TALIESIN: First party death. SAM: Insta-death. LAURA: Okay, okay, okay. Oh, 12. LIAM: Oh, it's just a stick. MATT: Yeah. LAURA: Oh, it didn't do anything? LIAM: No. Told you. LAURA: That's a very low DC, because I rolled
shit. LIAM: A low what? LAURA: A DC. Yeah, that's a nine, right? It's a nein! SAM and MARISHA: Nein. LAURA: Plus three. TRAVIS: How about these them there chain manacles?
So I can get my spine back in alignment. MARISHA: You look like you're into some shit. LIAM: I promise you'll have these back because I cannot
lift them. Would you put them on the table for me? TRAVIS: Yeah. MATT: (crash) Onto the table. TRAVIS: They're fucking huge. LIAM: Hold the ring and wait. MATT: You finish the spell. They are not magical.
They once were, and you can tell by the runes at the base of where the manacles clink together that
they were at some point sealed. Whatever enchantment was on them has been released. TRAVIS: Tell me they're super valuable. That was a
fucking bitch to lug around. LIAM: They are a very strange one. If you are
feeling gassy, they take away the cramps you feel. You have to wear them. It's extraneous, it's too
much. TRAVIS: Seems extreme. LIAM: It's overkill. TRAVIS: Yeah, all right. Well, mysterious wonders. LAURA: What kind of metal is it? MARISHA: Yeah, I was going to say, it's a lot of
good metal. We can always sell it for scrap metal. LAURA: To the blacksmith. TRAVIS: I like that more. MATT: There's also the glaive. LAURA: I have a glaive. Look at this glaive. MARISHA: Didn't we get a pendant off of the
priest? MATT: No, there was a glove. TRAVIS: Oh yeah, the red glove! LIAM: These are shit. I slide them off the
table-- MATT: (crash) Everyone who's near in the vicinity
all of a sudden turns as this loud, heavy clatter of metal chains-- TRAVIS: Sorry! No, we're just going through stuff.
Back to your drinks, everything's fine. LIAM: I want to do it again. What do we have? Give
me the thing. LAURA: A glaive. LIAM: Okay. LAURA: Whoa! SAM: That's a big thing. LIAM: Yeah. Oh. LAURA: Is it too dangerous for me to have? SAM: It's too dangerous. LIAM: No, this is great. It's very powerful. It
is a fine weapon. Probably better than anything-- except maybe for your blade. Is anyone able to
use a glaive? I can't do anything with it. LAURA: What is a glaive? MATT: A glaive is a polearm with a giant axe blade
at the top of it. SAM: Beau could use it, right? MATT: It's not a monk weapon. LAURA: Is it something that I could use? MATT: It's a two-handed weapon, yeah. LAURA: Can I use a two-handed weapon? Oh, I have a
shield. MATT: You have a shield, you'd have to get rid of
your shield and I have go to see if you have the capability to even use it. Because I don't think
you know-- do you know simple weapons? LAURA: Yes. MATT: Let me double check real fast. As far as I
know-- LAURA: I need to get a better weapon, though, you
guys. Because this sickle doesn't do much. TALIESIN: It's very pretty. LAURA: It's really cool-looking, right? That's why
got it. How's it balanced, is it good? TALIESIN: It's very nice. MATT: Yeah, you aren't proficient with glaives,
unfortunately. LAURA: No. LIAM: Do you know what this is? It is a very good
sale at a pawn shop. MARISHA: Yeah. SAM: None of us can use it? LAURA: Well, what does it do, because how much is
it worth? LIAM: Well, it's very painful if it hits you. LAURA: Okay. LIAM: That's it. MARISHA: So it is magical? LIAM: Most definitely it is magical, yes. Stronger
than your average glaive, that's what I am saying, yeah. TRAVIS: Great, yeah. MARISHA: I have a feeling that no one in this town
could afford it right now. But when we get to-- LAURA: Zadash. MARISHA: Zadash. I might know a few contacts that
might want something. LIAM: You know people in Zadash? MARISHA: I know people everywhere. LAURA: I'm writing magic glaive. SAM: Oh yeah, who's keeping stuff? Are you our
stuff keeper? TRAVIS: Who's got the oven mitt? LIAM: Who's got the monster calves to carry this?
There you go. LAURA: (grunts) SAM: Oven mitt? LIAM: Here. TRAVIS: Red oven mitt, who's got it? SAM and LAURA: I don't know. TALIESIN: Who had the red oven mitt? MARISHA: Was it on the priest? MATT: It was on the priest. MARISHA: I have it. I got it. TRAVIS: I'm looking at you while I say it the
whole time. MARISHA: I've got my goggles on and I'm just
like-- TRAVIS: I grab the nose piece and go (fwoosh)
(impact). MARISHA: Ah! (laughter) MARISHA: I just punch him in the shoulder really
hard. TRAVIS: (pained) Yeah, ah. MATT: Yeah, your left arm goes numb for a while. MARISHA: I pull out the oven mitt. LIAM: Oh my goodness, yeah. Like 45 minutes have
gone by looking at all these things. MATT: You guys have all grown steadily more
intoxicated. LAURA: Not me, because I drink milk. MATT: That's right. SAM: And not me, because I've just been getting
them and pouring them. LAURA: What is it? Can you shoot fire from your
hands? Can you shoot lightning from your hands? Can you catch things really well? TALIESIN: Does it make a very good macaroni and
cheese? LIAM: He just puts it away. LAURA: I don't like Caleb looking at our shit
anymore. He just looks at it and steals it. LIAM: He puts the wand down in front of Jester. LAURA: (gasps) MARISHA: What's with the oven mitt? LIAM: It just hurts people. SAM: This is the wand, this is just it? LAURA: This is so cute. MARISHA: Wait, it hurts people so you're going to
hang onto it? LAURA: This is a great wand. LIAM: Do you know how to use arcane artifacts? MARISHA: It doesn't matter if I know how to use
arcane artifacts. Stuff that hurts people could still be beneficial to our cause, because other
people want to hurt us. TRAVIS: I mean, she has a point. I know how to use
arcane artifacts. MARISHA: Yeah, why don't you see if Fjord wants
it? LAURA: I point the wand at Nott. SAM: I rolled a four. LAURA: (laughs) MATT: You watch from beneath the mask-- LAURA: I pull the mask down. MATT: The edges of the toothy goblin grin curl
into this uncontrollable smile that threatens to crack the sides of her face. LAURA: Oh my goodness. That's really creepy, Nott. SAM: I can't stop! LAURA: How do I make it stop? SAM: I don't know, dear gods! TALIESIN: Nott, why so serious? SAM: It hurts! LAURA: I think it lasts for a while. SAM: Oh gods! It's painful! MATT: At this point, these two young farm boys,
that were in there drinking in the back and watching, listening in, are just staring at Nott and backing away
slowly to the back of the room. "We got to go." SAM: It's okay. MATT: "We got to go!" They leave the room and
everyone else just looking over. Yeah, it's caused a bit of a scene. SAM: The Wand of Smiles. LAURA: Yes it's a Wand of Smiles. They have to
roll a DC of ten for charisma saving throw or be forced to smile for a minute. TRAVIS: Yes, awesome. LAURA: That's the cutest fucking wand! SAM: Love it. LAURA: I love it. MARISHA: I wonder if it works on animals. LAURA: We'll find out. Where's-- oh, Frumpkin. LIAM: What? LAURA: Frumpkin's gone. LIAM: He's not gone. He's always with me and he
will be back tomorrow. LAURA: Okay. MARISHA: Back to the glove thing, though. LIAM: Yeah. It burns people like I burned that
man. TRAVIS: Oh. LAURA: Oh. Well, you don't want to keep it. You
hate burning people. MARISHA: Exactly. TRAVIS: That could come in very handy. MARISHA: It's not fair for you to put your issues
onto literal inanimate objects. LIAM: Would you like to trade your goggles for
them? MARISHA: No. I can't use arcane shit. But he can. LIAM: You have that very fancy sword you have. TRAVIS: Yeah. But sometimes you need batting
gloves. LIAM: Does it mean that much to you? Would you
like it? TRAVIS: I would like to see it. LIAM: Okay. Here it is. TRAVIS: Yep. Hold on. That's a fucking glove of
fire. TALIESIN: Do your thing. LAURA: You have to stick it on your forehead. MATT: Does it require attunement? LIAM: I don't know. No. He's good. MATT: After putting it on, you would actually know
the properties of it. TRAVIS: Oh, sweet! What are the properties of it? MARISHA: Give him the damn paper. LIAM: I don't move at the speed of your thought. TRAVIS: Okay. Cool. Yeah. LAURA: What does it do? TRAVIS: It's a Scorching Ray spell. A little plus
five. LIAM: I'm sorry that I kept it for myself. Enjoy.
I will not take any of the spoils of anything we find anywhere. Enjoy. MARISHA: Okay, you didn't frame it that way,
though. You put it under the guise of this is bad, this hurts people. LIAM: It does hurt people. You seem very angry at
me right now. MARISHA: I'm just wondering what your deal is. LAURA: Look. This ring is perfect for you. That
way if we get near water you don't go in it. LIAM: I'm slowly, ever so slowly beginning to like
you, so please don't fuck it up. SAM: I think that we should all say thank you to
Caleb for identifying our objects. LAURA: Cheers to Caleb! MARISHA: Yeah. That's not the issue. But cheers! LIAM: This is what people do. TRAVIS: And Nott, may I say thank you for saving
my life, because I was in a fucking pickle in there and if you hadn't gone and slaughtered that little
baby manticore, I'd have been fucked. So thank you. SAM: You're welcome. LAURA: Thank you, Fjord, for saving my life. TRAVIS: Did I save your life? LAURA: Didn't you give me a potion? TRAVIS: I did. Yeah. That's right. LAURA: I woke up and you were over me giving me a
potion like a knight in shining armor. TRAVIS: Yeah. You're right. It was my pleasure.
You would have done it for me. LAURA: I probably would have. Probably. I did do
it for you though, Nott. SAM: Did you save me? LAURA: I saved your life! SAM: Thank you. LIAM: Is she still smiling? MATT: No. It's faded by now. LAURA: I hold the wand under the table at Caleb's
leg and try to do it to him too. MATT: Make a charisma saving throw. LIAM: It's constitution though, isn't it? LAURA: It's charisma. You had me do charisma. LIAM: I said constitution to you. MATT: She did charisma. LIAM: Okay. I'm sure I'll fail it. 15. LAURA: You succeeded, but you didn't even know I
tried. MATT: As you guys finish your cheer, everyone else
in the room also lifts their drinks. "Hurrah!" They all give a cheer as well. MARISHA: Huzzah. ALL: Huzzah! MATT: As the evening continues, some folks come up
and tell their stories to you, give you thanks. Share a drink if someone was lost. Some recovered,
some not. Overall, everyone seems to be very appreciative. Eventually, whether through just general
exhaustion or imbibement, you bring yourself to rest, finding yourselves back to the singular room
you've all been sharing here at the Feed and Mead. TRAVIS: Oh yeah. Should we get another room
now that we've got some extra coin? MARISHA: How many rooms do they have at the
inn? MATT: Three. TRAVIS: Oh! MATT: It's not a big place. SAM: Are they vacant? MATT: At the moment? Yes. TRAVIS: We can get an extra room. MARISHA: Let's buy them all out. TRAVIS: Whoa! Hey, big spender! What? MARISHA: I'll take my own room if y'all don't want
in. LAURA: But we have always been roommates. MARISHA: Then come join me, girl! LAURA: Okay. MATT: Crute, while he has been happy to provide
you the evenings free for two rooms, even for all you've done, "I am a businessman, through and
through, so I'll give you a discount. Three silver." MARISHA: Done. MATT: (laughs) LAURA: Matt's totally taking advantage of the fact
that none of us are hagglers this game. It's hard. It's really hard. TRAVIS: Craft fair Laura is dying. LIAM: I will also pay for a room for Nott and
Caleb. MATT: "Of course. Then that will be also three
silver." LIAM: Wait did you just, <i>ja</i>? Did you pay for
everybody or for you? MARISHA: I paid for me. Here, for giving you shit
earlier. I give three silver. MATT: "Thank you." (laughs) You have your own room
now. LAURA: Totally obvious that he's fucking us over.
(imitates Crute's laugh) LIAM: <i>Danke</i>. TALIESIN: Today has been the most profitable day
in my life. I have never seen so much money cross my path. LAURA: More money will come tomorrow because we
are selling the ears tomorrow! TALIESIN: This is ridiculous. LAURA: Yeah! SAM: Where are the ears? Someone has them safe. LAURA: Of course, yeah, I have the ears right here
in this pickle jar. SAM: Maybe it should be in Caleb and I's room
because we'll have the alarm to protect us. LAURA: No, I have them, it's okay. TALIESIN: Is somebody just going to show up and
say I-- LAURA: Like who wants pickled ears really, except
for me? SAM: All right. LIAM: I'm going to go get my cat! I go up. LAURA: I'm going to go eat some pickled ears! TALIESIN: I'm going to watch this. MATT: Do you actually partake in pickled ears? LAURA: No, I don't. I go upstairs and I'm
conversing with the Traveler. TALIESIN: Oh, you're going to do your thing. MARISHA: I go up and head up to the room as well. LAURA: I'm going to doodle and talk to the
Traveler. MATT: You all find yourselves going about what
final business you have for the evening before rest takes you. You are doing your-- LIAM: Well, I first take out the silver thread and
I cross it across the door and if there's any windows there, I do the same and allow for Nott to
enter and leave. Then I draw patterns along the floor that spread up onto the table as well and
back down onto the floor. I squat with my book since I am tapped and I begin to bring back my
cat. An hour and ten minutes later, I don't know if they're asleep or not, I have this cat named
Frumpkin and I wear him like a scarf. MATT: You watch as you finish the incantation and
the ritual comes to a complete cycle, in the center of where you made these markers across the
table you hear this slight tearing sound and there is this slight ripple in the air right in front of
you in the center of this and it's almost like a slight little tear in reality almost. From that,
Frumpkin steps out and lands, looks up at you. (meows) LIAM: Come here, I promise-- MATT: Immediately leaps up into your hands. LIAM: I promise not to do that too often. I just
scritch, for a long time. MATT: He purrs against you. MARISHA: He can't even hear about it! LAURA: Can I draw the general gnoll peeing on a
little fire hydrant and the rest of the gnolls behind him fighting over a bone? MATT: Easy enough to do. LAURA: Then I'm going to draw the cutest baby
manticore you've ever seen and it's dead! I'm going to tell the Traveler: You know, I don't know
what's going on. I'm just hoping that you're here because this is the farthest I've ever gone and
I'm afraid that you can't hear me anymore and it's freaking me out a little bit. Because I know that
I'm around a bunch of people now and I haven't been before, but I want you to know that you're
still my best friend and if you want me to be alone I will be if that means that you'll be here. MARISHA: Beau just reaches over and hands her a
kleenex. LAURA: Thank you. Okay, that's all, good night.
What? MARISHA: Nothing. LAURA: Did you hear that? MARISHA: I'm in the room with you. LAURA: Oh. Right. MARISHA: I'm reading. While she was doing that,
I'm opening the letters from the Baumbauchs. MATT: Oh! Right. TRAVIS and LAURA: Oh shit. MATT: Well, finishing up with you. As you finish
that and lay down, you lay on one side, staring towards the wall in this moment of quiet. You feel
this strange warmth and you look down underneath your robes and there you have the symbol of the
Traveler that you keep on yourself, the door arch and path, and it's warm to the touch, warmer than
your skin is. The subtle sensation of familiar closeness comes over you, and wordless, but an
emotion washes through your brain that's alien, from the outside of your own thoughts that just
says, "I'm with you." LAURA: I take the symbol and I hold it up to my
cheek and I go to sleep. MATT: Okay. You start going through. There were four
letters clustered in here. You tear through the first one and look at it and it looks like it's a
shipment ledger up by Nogvurot. Nogvurot, it's a city on the northern end of the empire. It's just
an information ledger about shipments received, confirming payment and distribution to which
taverns are receiving it, and then asking for the next shipment. The second one that you open is
another ledger, this one comes from Deastok to the west. This one's cheaper, it's a smaller ledger.
The third one you open up, and it's a complaint-- MARISHA: (kissing sounds) What is it? MATT: From Rexxentrum. It's titled by-- it
doesn't have the name but it says "The purveyor of the Rotted Stump", which is apparently some sort of
bar or tavern saying, "To the Baumbauch family: I "would happily request that if you are to send the
aforementioned and already paid shipments to our "establishment that they would not be containing
any sort of animals of which could chew through "and ruin and spoil the shipments you've been
given. We request an immediate refund." It shows a copy of a deal that was made. It's just an open
complaint. MARISHA: Nice. MATT: The fourth one's a little interesting. It's
just titled: To Demedan Baumbauch. Specifically. ALL: Demedan! Ooh! LIAM: I'm sure that one's not important. SAM: It's mostly about mayonnaise. LAURA: He's totally looking! LIAM: I know. TALIESIN: Dear Mr. Mayo. We relish the time we've
had together. MARISHA: Would I recognize what this word means? MATT: Make an intelligence check. MARISHA: Do I get any time of advantage for being
a shifty person? MATT: No, because this would be an investigation
check specifically, not an intelligence, it would be an investigation. MARISHA: Is this a code? Is this backwards? This
is backwards, isn't it? Fuck balls. TALIESIN: You don't know. MARISHA: Eight. MATT: Eight. Well. You're just going to have to
figure it out on your own. LIAM: (singing) Fuck balls. MARISHA: Toordolbo. SAM: We'll come back to you. MARISHA: Do I know what the Evening Nip is? Do I
recognize that? MATT: You don't, actually. TRAVIS: You don't know the old evening nip? (laughter) MARISHA: I finish reading everything, I go over to
a sleeping Jester, pull her blankets up and tuck her in a little bit, and then I crash out. MATT: Okay. SAM: Two quick things. One, I'd like to ask Caleb,
when he's done with his insanely long ritual: That pouch that I gave you, what was in it? LIAM: Did you give me a pouch? SAM: Oh, I gave you a pouch before. You might not
have felt it, but it's in your back pocket. LIAM: When did you do that? SAM: Before? LIAM: Oh, what is in it? Let's see. MATT: Which pouch is this? LAURA: Shakäste's. MATT: Oh, Shakäste's pouch. You find what is
roughly a handful of bird seed. LAURA: Wouldn't it be funny if there was, like, two
copper and a bunch of bird seed? MATT: Well, it's a heavy pouch and contains about
113 gold pieces. ALL: Whoa! LAURA: Shakäste was fucking loaded! LIAM: One... LAURA: Oh jeez. LIAM: Two... TALIESIN: No long rest for you. LIAM: And then ten minutes later-- MATT: There's some dried jerky and hide in there,
just for trail snacks. It seemed like a half road travel pack that Shakäste was keeping with him and
whatever coin he had brought with him on the journey. LAURA: You stole an old blind man's food and
money. SAM: I am the best. LIAM: Did you say 113? MATT: 113. LIAM: Okay, so after counting it all, I separate
it and I put some jerky down-- go, have it-- to Frumpkin, and I push 60 gold across the floor.
Come here. SAM: Yes. Ow! TRAVIS: That was five of them. SAM: No, that's good, because my muscles are sore
from smiling before. MATT: It does help a little. SAM: Then I'm going to try to make acid while he
was doing his thing. MATT: Go ahead and make an alchemy supplies check.
Roll that plus your proficiency bonus and your intelligence. SAM: 19, plus things. MATT: It will take you through the night and part
of the morning to do it. With a full night's sleep-- a full rest-- if you start early enough in
the night, by about noon tomorrow you'd be done. SAM: All right. MATT: Throughout that, you manage to create a vial
of acid. SAM: Awesome. LIAM: I have a question: the metal on the ring
with the pearl in it, what is it made of? Can I tell? MATT: Looking at it, it looks like the base
material for the pearl set in, it's a polished brass that has been treated to look like gold, but some
of that treatment is rubbing off and you can see the duller brass color beneath. LIAM: I cannot remember, but Caleb can because of
Keen Mind. Brass: is that part of the alchemy that I can do? MATT: I will look. As far as your school of
transmutation? LIAM: Yeah, that is correct. SAM: You have copper and silver for sure. LIAM: Copper, silver, wood. SAM: Iron? LIAM: I just can't remember if it is. Do we have a
Player's Handbook? MATT: Wood, stone, iron, copper, or silver. LIAM: Brass is not on it, okay. Then I'm going to
spend the last 30 minutes before bed trying to slowly wedge the pearl out of the ring. I don't
want the ring. MATT: Okay, make a general strength check. LAURA: The pearl pops out and flies across
the room, never to be found again. LIAM: 15. MATT: 15? It doesn't take you too long. Working on
it back and forth you eventually have enough give where the four claws that hold the pearl into the
ring set eventually give way and it pops out. It does hit the ground and roll and you quickly catch
up to it and grab it. SAM: It's bronze? LIAM: Brass. SAM: Brass, okay. LIAM: I take what's left of the ring and I throw
it across the room for Frumpkin to go chasing it across. MATT: Frumpkin just watches it land. (thunk,
thunk) LIAM: Go chase that. MATT: (meows) TRAVIS: While everybody is going up to their
rooms, can I stay down-- are you staying down? TALIESIN: Oh, I'm going upstairs, I'm going to
pass out on the floor. TRAVIS: I'll stay downstairs and do some
people-watching. Call it character study. MATT: Okay, yeah. Looking about, at this point in
the evening most of it is filtering out. The few stragglers there are the older folks, grizzled
farmhands with sunburned skin, thick fingers that have seen a lot of field work, a lot of them
reminiscing about days of old, some of them talking about some folks they know that were lost
over the previous events, but they seem drunk enough to at least be smiling and laughing about
these old stories they bring up. You continue to study these personalities, I imagine you're
probably taking in quirks, taking in elements of their body language, their vocal intonations for
your own purposes. TRAVIS: Very well. MATT: Okay. As you all eventually close the
evening, the morning sun comes to, with Nott sleeping in a little further after staying up late
creating a vial of acid. TRAVIS: Please tell me she has bedhead. LAURA: One ear's up. MATT: What do you guys want to do? MARISHA: Hey, Jester? LAURA: Hey, what? MARISHA: I want to show you something. LAURA: Okay, what? MARISHA: You know how I stole some shit from the
Baumbauchs on our way out of town? Most of it's boring shit, but I stayed up and I was trying to
solve it and figure some of this stuff out. Take a look at this, what do you think? LAURA: Okay. I'm really smart, so I'll probably be
able to figure it out. "Demedan, your request has "been approved and the toordolbo extract will be
arriving in a case of rose wine from the Evening "Nip in the coming week. Many Gifts, The
Gentleman." MARISHA: (whispering) The Gentleman. Who's the
Gentleman? LAURA: I don't know, but I like your addition of
"douche" to Demedan, I agree. MARISHA: Uh-huh, I wanted to put a reminder for
myself. LAURA: Oh yeah, who specializes in a rosé? You're
right, that's weird. Especially not the Baumbauchs. MARISHA: No, the Baumbauchs don't make rosé. LAURA: No, they make, like, ale. MARISHA: You're right. The place where I came
from, you got-- certain regions are going to make certain kinds of wines. That might tell us where
it's come from. And, what do you think-- I think the "oblodoro" I think that's a code. LAURA: "Toordolbo." MARISHA: I think it's bloodroot. LAURA: Oh, bloodroot, that's good. MARISHA: That sounds like a thing, right? LAURA: What if it's the "boltodoor?" MARISHA: That's a possibility. I haven't ruled
anything out yet. LAURA: Bloodroot is probably pretty good, though. MARISHA: Do I know of bloodroot? MATT: Make a nature check. MARISHA: Nature check. LAURA: Would <i>I</i> know bloodroot? MATT: Make a nature check. You both may make a
nature check in this moment, in a strike of inspiration. LAURA: 20! MARISHA: Better than me. 13. MATT: Okay, you've heard it somewhere. Nothing
big, but, like, bloodroot, I've heard of it. You know it. It's a unique flower that is pretty in
its own right, but you know it because the places where it's used are usually fenced off in a way
that children can't get to them because they are known to be poisonous. Not to the point of death,
but to the point of severe nausea and vomiting upon ingestion. LAURA: Oh, bloodroot. That's right, it's a type of
flower, super-duper red. I know because I tried to make a paint out of one of the flowers one time and
it made me want to like seriously puke my guts out. And do the spins, if you know what I mean.
Super bad. That's bad. MARISHA: And they're wanting an extract, so-- LAURA: That means it would be extra strong, yeah. MARISHA: Are the Baumbauchs trying to poison
people?! LAURA: Oh my gosh! Well, the Gentleman wants to
poison people. Oh, no, the Baumbauchs, yeah, I understand. Wow, do we need to tell someone about
this? MARISHA: No. Just keep it in the back of your head
if you hear something, if something spikes your interest-- LAURA: If we hear about an outbreak of people
vomiting-- MARISHA: --or about a Gentleman. LAURA: Or about a rosé. MARISHA: And an Evening Nip. LAURA: Yeah. MARISHA: I want to know about these evening
nipples-- evening nip. TRAVIS: There you go, Freudian slip. LAURA: In the coming <i>week</i>! That's soon. When did
you steal this? MARISHA: How many days has it been? MATT: It's been probably, at this point, four
days, would be my guess. LAURA: Oh my gosh, what if we could intercept it?
Then we could have all of the poison, and the nips. MARISHA: Interesting. LAURA: I like it. MARISHA: Let's keep this-- we'll workshop it. LAURA: Let's make a decision! MARISHA: You-- LAURA: We just did it! MARISHA: Yeah we did, we definitely did. LAURA: Oh man, I'm really hungry, though, I'm going
to go downstairs. MARISHA: Let's get some food. MATT: You guys all wake up and get your breakfast
situated and sorted, Nott joining you a little later on, but you are fed, the morning is fresh,
what would you like to do? TRAVIS: Well, I guess it's time to collect on
those ears, right? LAURA: These ears. TRAVIS: Yes, those ears. MATT: Asking around, you're eventually led to
where Bryce's location is. Apparently they are in the process of going through paperwork in the Salt
Trench Jail. That's where the prisoners of Alfield, this podunk town, keep there imprisoned.
Being led to this small but functional shack of stone and dried wood, eventually Bryce emerges,
not fully armored, but they're wearing comfortable robes with a bit of the ceremonial maroon and gold
that a lot of the Crownsguard and members of that political faction seem to wear. As they emerge,
you see Bryce's face brighten up as they say, "You're awake! Come, I've been able to gather
enough pay for your deeds the other day. Please, "do step inside." They lead you over to their desk.
"How many set of ears have been procured?" LAURA: 19 sets. MATT: "19 sets?" LAURA: Yeah. SAM: Or 19 total? LAURA: No, it was 19 sets, I marked down sets.
Technically Matt, I'm not telling Bryce this, five of those sets are hyenas. 14 of those are gnolls
for sure. MATT: Bryce has a hard time telling the difference
at the moment, having been overworked and stressed with the recent goings-on. LIAM: (whispering) We are assholes. MATT: Counting through, they finish each bit
counted. "That comes to--" They pull up a small chest and begin to count out change into a large
sack. Then that fills up into a secondary sack, into a third one, finishing with, "A total of 570
gold pieces." LAURA: We also brought home live people and also
some dead people. We brought home seven dead bodies. MATT: "Seven dead bodies at five gold per seven,
that will come to 35 gold pieces as well." Which they fill out for you. "Then the live ones were
how many?" LAURA: 25 gold a piece. How many live people did
we bring back? I didn't have those in jars. MARISHA: There were the two. SAM: Jules, Petrov, Herma-- LIAM: I would remember exactly. I don't, but I
do. LAURA: That's right I did write down Herma and
Jules, Petrov. SAM: Then there was a couple that Shakäste had in
the-- LAURA: Oh wait! LIAM: Hold because if he knows he has to tell me
because I picked the right feat for it. LAURA: Oh that's right. MATT: There were five specifically that you
managed to save actively from the tunnel. Shakäste had already saved an additional seven. (cheering) TRAVIS: Damn! SAM: We're fucking rich! LAURA: Wait, did anybody write down the amount
that he said? MARISHA: 570 for the gnolls, 35 for the-- LIAM: A hundred a piece already. MATT: And a fourth sack is presented as they
count out 300-ish more gold pieces. LAURA: Oh my gosh! That's so good! MATT: That's a little over a hundred gold
each. LAURA: That's so great! MATT: Not bad, almost can afford a suit of armor. TRAVIS: A-Fjord? MATT: Don't instigate it! You'll regret it. LAURA and MARISHA: 150 gold a piece! SAM: Are we going to divvy it up? LIAM: We are so excited over chump change to Vox
Machina. MATT: After all the counting is done Bryce is
writing down feverishly, "For my own ledgers, because I do have to present this paperwork to
the crown for the approval of these rewards, what do we call you?" LAURA: We should have talked about this. What do
you guys think? SAM: We're very strong. LAURA: That's true we are. We're very strong. TALIESIN: We have to leave a paper trail, is that
a thing that actually has to happen? LAURA: What if we're The Strong? TRAVIS: We're like the mighty. LAURA: The Mighty! That's good! MARISHA: Hey there new guy, you know good words
that like sound cool in Zemnian right? LIAM: We are The Mighty Nein. LAURA: Nein? MARISHA: Nein! MATT: The Mighty Nein. TALIESIN: I can buy that. TRAVIS: Yeah, why not? There's one, two, three,
four-- LIAM: It's just a spelling that is tricky. MATT: "Please, do spell it for me." LIAM: Yeah 'Mighty' in Common is spelled M-I-- TRAVIS: I will pull your beard off your face. LIAM: H-- LAURA: Oh my god! LIAM: --T-Y. MATT: "Yes?" LIAM: Now we come to the next word. N-E-I-N. LIAM: We are The Mighty Nein. MATT: "I feel like I was part of something crowd
sourced similar to this." I feel like I've been part of a game call "Mighty Number Nine." LAURA: Oh. Really? MATT: Yeah. It's a game that I-- It's a Mega
Man-- LIAM: Nein, nein, nein. SAM: That's the number nine. MATT: Yes, I know. Oh that game. Anyway! LIAM: Oh <i>this</i> game. MATT: "All right, The Mighty Nein, that is on
the paperwork. Are you staying a while in Alfield then? LAURA: Are we staying here? I mean, do you want to
keep hiring us for always? MATT: "I don't have much in the way of work here
for your type at the moment." TRAVIS: You seem to be at peace with the current
situation, I think it might be in our best interest that we moved on. TALIESIN: Passing through. MATT: "Whereabouts are you going?" LAURA: We're going to Zadash. MATT: "Interesting, well that's much larger for
the tastes of most field folk out here. I lived there for about three years when I was younger, in
the West Outersteads before joining the Crownsguard and shipping off to Bladegarden. If
you are indeed off to Zadash and are in need of a friend, if she's still there. Ask for Claudia
Sheed at the Leaky Tap. LIAM: Sheet, did you say Sheet? MATT: "Claudia Sheed." MARISHA: At the Leaky Tap? MATT: "At the Leaky Tap at the East Outersteads." LAURA: Oh, I should ask you, is that like the big
inn, the big place? MATT: "It is of moderate size." LAURA: What would be the biggest inn in Zadash?
Like the biggest place that if you go like, "Oh, I need to find the biggest inn in Zadash," this is
what it is? MATT: That would be the The Pillow Trove. That's
in Tri-Spires. I don't know if you can afford that? I don't know, maybe you can! I don't know." LAURA: I just need the most popular one, because
that's where my mom is going be sending me stuff. The Pillow Trove. MATT: "Good luck." SAM: That's where we're staying? TALIESIN: No. That's a fancy inn. LIAM: Was is pillow or pillar? MATT: "The Pillow Trove. But The Leaky Tap I
recommend. Claudia's great; she owns the place if she's still there." LAURA: Leaky Tap? MATT: Leaky Tap. MARISHA: Not Tavern, Tap. LIAM: Leaky Tap Tavern? MATT: "Certain, fine. She's got a good head on her
shoulders and at the very least she may be able to guide you to anything you're looking for.
Hopefully. Oh! I almost forgot, follow me please." They stand up and close the ledger and lead you
outside. About two blocks down by the outside of the stables, titled the On The Wind Stables. There
you see outside a hardy looking female dragonborn. Rotund and strong, no tail, who is black scaled,
turns around as you approach and gives a quick hand up to Bryce and Bryce approaches. "Ah, thank
you Durmas. Everyone this is Durmas. She is the main stable hand here at the On The Wind. We've
taken, as a bit of appreciation here, we've outfitted you with a new cart as the previous one
was a bit-- It had carried many of our dead, so Durmas." And Durmas steps forth and says, "Great.
I have presented for you this cart that we had made. It belonged to somebody here, but it is now
yours. It is well made, it is larger than what you had previously and does not smell of blood and
feces." SAM and TALIESIN: Yet! (laughter) LIAM: Give us a day. MATT: "Very well." She steps back and starts
getting the two horses, one that you had brought along and the other that you had discovered out
there. They've already been hitched to the cart. TRAVIS: Have they had water? MATT: Fed and watered, cleaned, brushed. SAM: Is that enough horses? Should we be getting
two more to pull us faster? TRAVIS: Two is pretty decent, I think. LAURA: Is it? SAM: For six? LAURA: You're little. LIAM: Watchmaster, I'm sorry it slipped my mind.
Is there anywhere still open in town after all of the carnage that sells inks and paper? MATT: "I'm sure that can be done. Yes, I can lend
you some. I wish you'd told me back in the office." LIAM: I'm sorry, but I'm looking for the highest
quality ink. Do you know what I mean? MATT: "I think I do, and I don't know if this is
the city to find that, unfortunately. You have much better luck in Zadash." LIAM: Okay, thank you. MATT: "Of course." LAURA: Before we leave, can you tell me where
Starosta Kosh's office is? MATT: You watch as they smile a bit based on your
sudden interest and they say, "Why do you ask?" LAURA: Oh, we have some unfinished business. MATT: "Best that I summon him? But I can retrieve
him." LAURA: All right. SAM: (whispering) Because he's balls deep right
now. (laughter) MATT: "I'll be right back. We've taken--" And at
that point you hear a slapping sound, you watch as Shumas the dragonborn, she's taken the large
manticore head. And is chained into the side and slammed it on to the side of the cart. You still
have that. LIAM: Did you say her name was Shumas? MATT: Shumas-- oh no! Durmas! Sorry. LAURA: Dermis is what I wrote down. MARISHA: I wrote down Dermis, yeah! MATT: No, Shumas is a region in Marquet, sorry. I
have too much in my brain. TRAVIS: <i>Du</i>, <i>Du</i> mas! <i>Du</i> mas <i>mich!</i> LIAM: This is the best campaign ever! TALIESIN: I was trying so hard not to say it. MATT: We can slowly crash every song's YouTube's
comments now. LIAM: I'm so sorry, Mr. DeAngelo, my high school
German teacher! We're going forward. MARISHA: My high school German teacher's first
language was Spanish. It was real weird. LIAM: What was their name? MARISHA: I don't remember her name. LIAM: Okay, mine was Jim DeAngelo. He's the
principal now. I'm sure he's very proud of me. MATT: As you guys are getting your stuff situated
onto the cart, eventually you watch as four crownsguard approach along with Bryce and the
small robed gnomish figure of Starosta Kosh. "Right, I've been summoned. What is your
business?" LAURA: Yes. Hi! Starosta, it's so wonderful to see
you again. MATT: "I've been told that you did a great service
for Alfield and for that I am very thankful." LAURA: Yes. I was thinking a really good thing you
could do for us in return is to give my friend Fjord here a letter of recommendation to the
Academy. MATT: "What?" LAURA: He did a great service to your city. MATT: "And you have been paid handsomely for it.
As the Watchmaster has notified me." LAURA: Starosta, it's good to see you again. It's
been a while, about, hold on. I get out my sketchbook and I look through it. Maybe like eight
years almost? Your hair hasn't changed though, you should change it. MATT: "I'm confused? This is strange, but no I
believe that our business is complete." LAURA: The Ruby of The Sea says hello. MATT: You watch as his face loses color. His hand
drops to his side. "Um. I will be happy to write you a letter of recommendation, but I cannot
assure you that it will be accepted as there are many points of acceptance within the Academy. And
is quite a bit of travel to Rexxentrum anyway. Is this to the actual Soltryce?" LAURA: Of course. TRAVIS: If you wouldn't mind, that would be most
kind of you. MATT: "Very well, it will be done in just a
moment. What is your name?" TRAVIS: Fjord. SAM: There's a j in it. LAURA: Make sure he spells it right, Fjord. TRAVIS: Yeah, F-J-O-R-D. Fjord. MATT: "Have you a surname?" TRAVIS: No. SAM: Tough. (laughter) MATT: Fuck you! (hysterical laughter) TALIESIN: Just been sitting on that shit, haven't
you? TRAVIS: We're not going to make it through all of
them. MATT: Oh, I was keeping it together so well. Here,
buddy. LIAM: Thank you. MATT: "I'll return in the next 15 minutes."
Starosta turns and gives a long look of simmering fury behind a forced smile to Jester. Spins around
then walks off in a haughty march to wherever he came from. LAURA: He really should have changed his hair, I
mean it's pretty hideous. TALIESIN: You may be my new hero. TRAVIS: How is it that you saw him before? LAURA: Oh, he visited my mother years ago. MARISHA: And your mother's The Ruby of The Sea? LAURA: Yes, The Ruby of The Sea. You've heard of
her? MARISHA: I have now. Have I heard of her? MATT: Make a history check. TRAVIS: Can I do that, too? MATT: You may. MARISHA: Don't fuck me. That's a natural one. TALIESIN: I don't get a bonus, right? MATT: You actually wouldn't have. TALIESIN: Okay, no that's fine. Oh, I wouldn't
have heard? MATT: No. It's outside of the Empire. TRAVIS: 23 investigation? MATT: It's history. TRAVIS: Oh, history. 21. MATT: Okay. This makes sense for you since you
grew up in the Menagerie Coast, though in Port Damali. The Ruby of the Sea is well known in some
circles. You've only heard rumors. Belongs to an establishment that specializes in all forms of
socializing, entertainment, and is one of the most prominent brothels in the Menagerie Coast, in
which the Ruby of the Sea is known to be the star courtesan. Many travel all across the Menagerie
Coast and beyond, supposedly, to be within her company. Many have fallen in love with her and had
their hearts broken. There are poems and songs that have wandered through bars and taverns that
spoke of her, that first caught your interest. It seems like a faint, distant tale that was just a
myth that people made up or someone spoke of. Ruby of the Sea, it sounds amorphous. TRAVIS: Of course, I remember now. The Ruby of the
Sea, I can't believe she's your mother. SAM: Is she a jeweler? LAURA: No. TRAVIS: Not exactly. No, she entertains gentlemen.
She's hard to describe, a performer, an entertainer or-- LAURA: Well, she's mostly known for her
hmm-hmm-hmm. Outside of that, her voice is amazing, you should hear her sing. LIAM: What does that mean? LAURA: What does what mean? LIAM: Hmm-hmm-hmm. LAURA: She has sex for money! Mostly, I mean,
people pay her a large sum. It's like three guys mostly, she keeps a few people at a time. She
doesn't see everybody because she's super famous. TRAVIS: Yeah, the name has made itself known all
along the coast. You'd be lucky to find yourself in her company, at least how I've heard it. LAURA: You would, you really would. MARISHA: Is that what that song is about? LAURA: (singing) The Ruby of the Sea is the best
lay ever! SAM: It's a translation, I think. SAM and LIAM: It sounds better in the original
Infernal. (laughter) TRAVIS: Is the best lay ever, oh god. MARISHA: I'm so glad I set that up. No regrets. TRAVIS: The best lay ever. (laughter) TRAVIS: Oh shit. MATT: A well-known bar jingle all across
Wildemount. SAM: It's the whole song. TRAVIS and MARISHA: (singing) The Ruby of the Sea
is the best lay ever! MATT: It's more of a jingle than a song, really. LIAM: I'm picturing a public access infomercial. MARISHA: (singing) The Ruby of the Sea, the best
lay ever! MATT: (singing) 800-588-Ruby of the Sea now!
Today! Anyway. SAM: So you're the daughter of a celebrity. LAURA: Yeah. SAM: How was that, growing up in fame and
fortune? LAURA: Well, I wouldn't know exactly, because she
never told anybody that I was there. I bet if she had, it would've been crazy. LIAM: Then where were you at this point? LAURA: You know, in my room. SAM: Just trapped in your room? LAURA: Well, no I wasn't trapped, but you know-- LIAM: Did you get to go to the park, did she read
you stories, did she do the things that parents do? LAURA: She read me some stories. And a lot of
times I would listen at the door and hear her sing. MARISHA: Did she tell people about you? LAURA: No. TRAVIS: I imagine that would affect her business a
little. LAURA: Exactly. I totally understand, she loves me
so much. She really, really does. It's just, you know, people frown upon courtesans with daughters. TALIESIN: Very fair. LIAM: I am sorry, you are from the south, yeah? LAURA: Mm-hmm. LIAM: I am from the north. Does this include also,
besides the hmm-hmm-hmm, singing and poetry, you said? LAURA: Yeah. LIAM: So she was skilled as an artisan as well. LAURA: Yes! That's why I'm such a good painter. LIAM: That's fascinating, for real. MARISHA: Did she teach you your spell and fighting
talents? LAURA: Oh, no, that came from the Traveler. LIAM: How did you-- never mind. TRAVIS: And this is why you're looking for your
dad? LAURA: Well, yes. SAM: Was he a client of your mother's? LAURA: Well, yes. But-- I feel so nervous all of a
sudden, everybody's looking at me. SAM: We can look away. MARISHA: Yeah, we'll-- keep talking. LAURA: Okay, so they were totally in love and she
was going to marry him, and he was totally in love with her and he was going to marry her, and they
said they were going to get married, and then she got pregnant with me, and he said-- they got
married and he was going to go set up his house, and then he just never came back. SAM: That's very sad. LAURA: I know, it is really sad. SAM: So are you going to find him to meet him and
know him, or to seek revenge upon him? LAURA: No, I'm going to find him so that I have
somewhere to live because I'm not allowed to be at the house anymore. SAM: Why aren't you allowed to be at the house
anymore? LAURA: Well, because I'm kind of in trouble in
Nicodranas. SAM: What did you do? LAURA: Well, because I sort of played a prank on
this guy who was seeing my mom. SAM: What kind of a prank? LAURA: Well-- so the Traveler taught me how to
make myself look like other people, right? SAM: Okay. LAURA: So, I made myself look like my mom, and
then I lured him out onto our balcony and he was wearing nothing but this girdle of hers. And then
I locked the door. And I thought that was funny, you know? SAM: That is funny-- LAURA: It looked really good in my sketchbook. SAM: So he was just out there in a girdle. LAURA: Yeah, which is no big deal. But then I
found out he's a lord. SAM: And you embarrassed him? LAURA: He was really pissed off. LIAM: Was it nighttime or daytime? LAURA: It was in the day. MARISHA: How many people saw? LAURA: Oh, everyone! MARISHA: That's so great! LAURA: It was so great. But he said he wanted to
kill me and they said-- MARISHA: That's not great. LAURA: --that was cool and he could. So my mom was
like, "Go!" and I was like, "Okay." SAM: What was his name, so we can avoid him? MARISHA: Yeah. TALIESIN: Or not avoid him. LAURA: Lord something something. SAM: Let's avoid all Lords. TALIESIN: I'm all right with that. LAURA: Lord Robert something something. SAM: Robert. LAURA: I'll remember it eventually. LIAM: Funny is funny. He should have a better
sense of humor. LAURA: I thought so, too! He looked really good. MARISHA: What's wrong with being in a girdle? LAURA: I know, right? MARISHA: Very waist cinching. Skirt. TALIESIN: I'm wearing one right now. SAM: I bet you are! TALIESIN: No, I'm not. I'm actually just built
this way. I could be, I'm built like I am. MARISHA: That's pretty crazy. So you think you can
actually-- hang on, why do you want to live with your dad that you never met? Why not just go do
your own thing? LAURA: Well, I mean-- LIAM: Your father is your father, how could you
not be curious about your father? LAURA: I know, right? I mean, I've never met him,
I thought it would be cool. That's who I was looking for when I met Fjord, over there. MARISHA: Sometimes fathers are disappointing. LIAM: But it is still your right to know your
parents. Who they are, you have to understand where you came from. LAURA: I mean, he's supposed to be pretty darn
cool. He wears lots of rings on his fingers too, you guys! SAM: Do you know his name? MATT: "Ahem!" You look and see that the
Crownsguard are approaching. And there's the Starosta Kosh there with a rolled up piece of
parchment which he presents with a broad smile. "As you requested." LAURA: Thank you, kind sir. MATT: "Of course, it's everything I can do. Now,
be on your way." LAURA: Fjord, it's your letter. MATT: "Go! Please." LAURA: Bye. MATT: He huffs off, they all begin to leave as you
guys go to your cart. The Watchmaster comes up one last time and they say, "Sincerely, you've saved
many lives and... A paltry sum I could get approved, but know that you have my gratitude. LAURA: Thank you, Bryce. MATT: "Of course. Good luck to you. I hope our
paths cross again." LAURA: Me too. If you see a girl named Yasha, let
her know we are on our way to Zadash. SAM: She's tall. MATT: "Yasha?" SAM: Yasha. She carries flowers. LAURA: She's super scary looking, but she's got a
heart of gold. TALIESIN: Extremely charming. MARISHA: Very in shape. MATT: "I'll try my best." SAM: Black chin. TALIESIN: Wearing a girdle. (laughter) MATT: "All right." LIAM: What are you talking about, the bouncer? TALIESIN: Oh, she makes her way back every now and
then. LAURA: Yeah, Yasha said she was going to catch up
with us, I believe her. LIAM: Okay. TRAVIS: Yeah, plus she looks like she can handle
herself in a fight. She'd be most welcome. TALIESIN: She can. LAURA: Do you want to hold on to your letter,
Fjord? TRAVIS: Yeah, I would love that, thank you,
Jester. LAURA: You're welcome, of course. I told you I
would get you to the Academy. MARISHA: That was smooth. I'm into it. TALIESIN: I forgot to say this is the most
pleasant experience I've ever had at a city building before. I could get used to this. MARISHA: Yeah, the hero worship is kind of nice. LAURA: Yeah, right? SAM: Are we sure we want to leave this place?
People like us here. LAURA: It's only a matter of time before they
don't. LIAM: We have to go. TALIESIN: It's like you were born in the circus.
I'm so impressed. MARISHA: It's so true. Yeah, let's leave while
we're on a high note. LIAM: We want to find a bigger city to disappear
into. SAM: Okay. MARISHA: Hey, Caleb. LIAM: <i>Ja.</i> MARISHA: Do you have kids? LIAM: No. TALIESIN: Insight check. MATT: All right. TALIESIN: 20. MATT: 20? Seems, straight and narrow. TALIESIN: All right. MARISHA: Did you have kids? LIAM: No. MARISHA: Insight check. 14. MATT: Hard to read, but it seems to be fairly
forthright. MARISHA: You just have some paternal qualities.
Just you know-- LIAM: You know I think maybe you are confusing my
good friend and I. You know, she's very little, and I am taller. So, it does have that sort of
father-daughter look, but you know well, that's not exactly what it is. SAM: No, no, no. I'm a goblin. LIAM: Yeah. You know if anything-- I've never
really said this out loud before, but if anything you're more like a <i>Schwester</i>, a little sister to
me. SAM: That's nice. LAURA: How old are you, Nott? Are you a little
goblin? Or are you a normal adult goblin? SAM: Well, you know, the funny things about
goblins is we don't really celebrate birthdays or anything so it's hard for me to know exactly.
There's no real holidays in clans. LAURA: Are you fully grown or are you still
growing? SAM: I'm of child bearing age. So I'm about
somewhere between six and nine. LAURA: Okay. LIAM: What is today? SAM: So that's like a grown-- almost grown
goblin. LAURA: Oh, okay. SAM: Yeah, but like I said is really hard for me
to tell. It's not like we had a party every year. TALIESIN: Birthdays are shite. LIAM: What is today in this world, DM? MATT: As far as the date? LIAM: Yes. LAURA: Are you okay? MARISHA: No. TALIESIN: Did you have one of those sneezes that
actually break something? TRAVIS: You know when you sneeze and turn, and
pulls the rib out. MARISHA: I think I just pulled a rib. MATT: I have to go and look that up. LIAM: Well I will tell you, we'll get to that, but
I think today we call your birthday. SAM: Today we're calling my birthday? LIAM: Yeah, you know, we never talked about that.
I didn't realize that, so today is your <i>Geburtstag</i>, today is your birthday. LAURA: Today is your birthday, Nott? SAM: Apparently. What day is it? LIAM: He doesn't know. He will tell us later. SAM: All right. Well for right now, let's say it's
Thursday. LIAM: Every year on a Thursday it is your
birthday. SAM: All right. LIAM: Happy birthday. TRAVIS: Congratulations, Nott. SAM: Thank you. TRAVIS: This is a very special occasion. SAM: Do you know a birthday song too? LAURA: No. I'm sorry. But I do have this pickle in
my bag. SAM: (screams) Is it old? LAURA: It was sitting in the jar and I put it in
my bag because we put the ears in here. LIAM: Congratulations, today you are a mighty
nine. MATT: It is the 12th of Fessuran. LAURA: Oh yes, Fessuran. MATT: It's getting towards the start of fall. SAM: It's already Fessuran!? It feels like
"Huvnufn." LIAM: The pumpkin lattes have come out... SAM: Well, thank you, Caleb. LIAM: Well I didn't do anything, you got me a pile
of gold, so thank you. SAM: All right. MATT: (coughing) SAM: Oh, sorry, we'll leave now. MATT: On the other side there is Durmas leaning on
one of the horses. "All right, so, your horses are ready, your cart is ready." LAURA and TALIESIN: We should go. MATT: "You should probably go." LAURA: Let's go. MATT: All right. Durmas gets behind and pushes the
cart out as the horses clomp out. "My business is paid, good luck." She goes back into the stable
and goes about her work. TALIESIN: Oh the open road. LAURA: Back on the road again. TRAVIS: It's crisp out. LAURA: I like it. Who is going to be driving this
thing? TALIESIN: I could drive this thing. SAM: I tried it last time, maybe I'll try again
this time. TRAVIS: I like it. MATT: Animal handling check. SAM: Animal handling? MATT: Yeah. SAM: 19! LAURA: Oh, hey we're getting better! TALIESIN: With an 18 bonus. MATT: A slight flick of the reins watching your
various allies previously travel with a controlled snap, the horses lurch and (clopping). SAM: Yeehaw! (laughter) TALIESIN: That was a good one. MATT: With that, you guys make yourselves westward
through the central streets of Alfield. A few folks come out and watch you leave, those who were
present for the evening, and with a final silent nod and smile you make your way back onto the
Amber Road heading northward deep into the Marrow Valley on your way to Zadash. And we're going to
take a break there. (cheering) MATT: Yay! LIAM: Come on in! LAURA: Marisha is broken! LIAM: Come on broken McGee. TRAVIS: You fucking busted a rib did you? MATT: Yeah, she did. She was coughing too hard the
week before last. LAURA: Are you okay? MATT: How are you doing? TRAVIS: Yeah, you pulled it. Want me to get it? MARISHA: There's shit cracking. Something popped. TRAVIS: Yeah, when you sneezed and you turned and
lean away from it, boy. MARISHA: I was trying to defend the table. LIAM: You've got to Lethal Weapon that shit. MARISHA: I'm going to take some Advil. MATT: Yeah, you go do that. I'm going to take care
of my wife here in a minute. All right guys, we'll be back here in a little bit from the break
continuing the story as they head to the open road, heading northward towards Zadash on the
Amber Road. We have our contest from Wyrmwood this week, they're giving away two more of their
awesome Kickstarter boxes. This is-- LIAM: Oh shit, look at that. MATT: Those who haven't see it. Get the fuck out
of this thing. There it is! It is their awesome-- what is this called? Is this the-- TALIESIN: It's the-- LIAM and LAURA: Tamarind. MATT: Freaking awesome, here comes the dice box,
and then it has this case which has inside of it dice, pen-- LAURA: Look at that pen. MATT: It's freaking great. A little section there
for keeping a mini or whatever else you want to put in there, we're giving away two of these at
the break so be prepared. Through a misunderstanding, you don't have to wait for a
prompt, as soon as we go to break you can enter in the chat. So I apologize if I've been fucking with
people, that's on me, that's my fault. For this week, the keyword is Gates, G-A-T-E-S, so when we
go to the break enter the Twitch chat room. You can only enter it once, if you enter it more than
once you'll be disqualified. I'll have two winners for you who will win two of this delightful things
from my friends at Wyrmwood Gaming when we return. See you in just a minute. [break] MATT: Hello everyone, and welcome back. Before we
hop back in, the two winners of the Wyrmwood giveaway are Jevons and Nicholas Fernandez. Jevons
and Nicholas Fernandez, congratulations, you guys won. Danoba will contact you and get your
information so we can get that sent out to you, so congrats. All right, everyone seems ready and
iced. TRAVIS: Yep. Marisha. MARISHA: Uh-huh? TRAVIS: Stay frosty. LIAM: Stop! MARISHA: Don't make me laugh! TRAVIS: She shouldn't laugh at that. MARISHA: This is some bullshit. TRAVIS: A rib will be pulled when you turn and
sneeze. MATT: Yeah. Don't turn and sneeze! MARISHA: Therapeutic D&D right now. MATT: Exactly. Speaking of which, guys. You've
begun your trek northward back on the Amber Road, passing through the high grass fields, the rolling
hills. The sky grows more cloudy, and as the day progresses, uneventful, three horses carrying
crownsguard are patrolling down the Amber Road and pass by, and watch them nod as they continue on.
As you continue down, for the remainder of the day-- you guys probably left around noon. Eight
hours of travel, would say is a standard travel day for a horse, so that'll be just past sunset. LAURA: Well, Nott slept in until noon, so we
probably left a couple of hours after that. MATT: That's true. So you get back a little bit on
the travel. Not too bad. Continuing on, you hit sunset, and your horse could go for a few more
hours. Do you wish to continue to travel in the night? Follow the road? LIAM: No, why would we be ambitious like that?
We're not in a hurry. LAURA: Is there a good place to make shelter? TALIESIN: I'd say we pull off if we see something
really nice. MATT: Right as the sky begins to grow dark enough
to threaten vision for distant vision, at least. You use darkvision, you have a closer proximity. MARISHA: I put on my goggles way too early. I'm
super stoked about them. (laughter) LAURA: I'm just seeing you at Burning Man. MARISHA: Yeah, totally! 100 percent! That's kind
of how I imagined them is Burner goggles. MATT: The sky is as dark and the distance is as
hard to see. But nearby, there's some decent shapes and outlines. LIAM: Ferris Bueller, all the time. MATT: Yep. LIAM: I'm sorry. Don't laugh. MATT: "Are you in here for drugs?" "No. What are
you in for?" "Drugs." You don't see any landmarks that would gather your attention to be a place to
stay or stop at or rest for the evening. Your best plans would be to look for something not far off
the road in the natural environment to make camp. Who is helming that expedition? LAURA: I'll help him. MATT: Both you guys roll perception. LAURA: Did you roll good? TALIESIN: I did! 19! Thank you, Gil. LAURA: 17. MATT: Okay. You find a small clearing that looks
to be a handful of rocks that were partially lodged into the ground long ago that have since
been overgrown with moss and grass. But there is a bit a small opening where it looks to be the
remains of charcoal. A fire has once, or many times, been built and then put out there. So it
looks like a standard place where people have set up camp while making their trips up and down the
Amber Road. Easy enough to do. So you guys set up for the evening? You gather yourselves around,
build a small fire. LAURA: You should use your glove and make a fire
for us. TRAVIS: Oh, right before the day goes? LAURA: Well. Unless something attacks us again. LIAM: If you are going to do that, we all need to
stand 50 feet back. LAURA: Why? LIAM: Because it's not a little (fut fut). It's a
big one. LAURA: Oh, okay. Never mind then. Who has a (fut
fut)? LIAM: I have a (fut fut). LAURA: Okay, then do it. LIAM: (fire burning) MATT: It doesn't make much of a (fut fut), much to
your disappointment. But a fire is built. You all begin to bed down for the evening, and who's
taking first watch? LIAM: I am. MATT: Okay. You can break it up between, probably
let's say, three watches over a casual evening. TRAVIS: I'll take the second. MARISHA: I'll take the last. MATT: Perception check from you, please. LIAM: Yeah, okay. Ten. MATT: Okay. An uneventful evening continues for
you. You trade off to Fjord. Fjord, make a perception check. TRAVIS: Nine. MATT: Your mighty nine allows you to keep an eye
out as the dark perimeter seems to bring no shapes or movements of interest other than the occasional
sound of the wind blowing through the fields and the distant dark. Then your watch is up.
Beauregard, perception check, please. MARISHA: Seven. LAUDA: Oh god! LIAM: It's gotten lower and lower. MATT: Keeping an eye out, best you can, the sleep
takes you eventually and you end up cheating on the last few hours of your watch. Nevertheless,
you all come to consciousness in the morning intact and fine. You begin your way further on the
road for a second day. Now, who's guiding the-- I would say more of who's keeping a perimeter watch
during the next day's journey? TRAVIS: I will. LAURA: I'll help. MATT: All right. So one of you two, we'll say
that's the case, make a perception check with advantage because of Jester's aiding. TRAVIS: Thank you, Jester. LAURA: You're welcome! TRAVIS: Oh jeez, that's terrible. Nine! (laughter) MATT: Keeping with the theme of the name, I
guess. TALIESIN: For the record, we're hiding all of our
valuables. If that's okay. Making sure everything is stowed. I would assume we're hiding all of-- LAURA: You know how to do that because you're on
the road a lot. TALIESIN: Yeah, I know how. TRAVIS: That's even worse! MARISHA: We did scoop up those chains, right? We
put those in the wagon? LAURA: Yeah, of course! MATT: Yeah, those are still with you. LIAM: The shitty manacles? LAURA: Yeah! That we'll sell to a blacksmith. LIAM: Yeah, excellent. MARISHA: Metal's valuable, man. LAURA: Along with this giant sledgehammer! LIAM: That is a glaive. LAURA: No, I have a sledgehammer too. LIAM: Oh, that's right! You also picked up a
sledgehammer, yeah. Sledge! MATT: Continuing on for the rest of the day,
eventually you pass by a small travel wagon. It's similar to the size of the cart that you have, but
it has some cushioned seats set up in the back. You look towards three, well dressed individuals
that are looking miserable. They're sitting in the back of the cart as it rides by with a single
coachman whose single horse is pulling it along with a rather rapid pace. You watch as they begin
to approach, the few bumps that hit the road are hitting them relatively hard because of the pace
of which they're keeping. Some of them kind of get flung up, and you watch their hair get mussed and
they quickly put it back into place. MARISHA: What kind of cargo does it look like they
have? MATT: Make a perception check. LAURA: I want to draw a sketch of them in a little
pan popping like popcorn. MATT: Okay. MARISHA: As she's doing that, I'm trying to get
Jester's attention. I'm like: Jester! Jester! LAURA: What? MARISHA: 13. (whispers) The Gentlemen. LAURA: (whispers) The Gentlemen. MATT: The best you can tell, the cargo within are
personal bags. There's nothing of what looks to be <i>cargo</i> cargo, at least what you have seen in
previous bits of people that have traveled down here. Especially the trade caravan you passed on
your way up to Alfield. This looks to be more of a personnel-based journey. They pass glaring as they
look at your colorful variety of individuals. LAURA: Are they going the opposite direction than
us? MATT: Yeah, heading south. LAURA: (whispering) Should I ask if they're the
Gentlemen? (shouting) Good to see you, Gentlemen! MARISHA: Gentlemen. Do any of them look-- SAM: Like a gentleman? MARISHA: Like a gentleman. MATT: I mean, they're well-dressed. They look to
be of bourgeois class. Not upper crust, but better than most you've encountered on this side of the
Empire at least. And they seem to almost-- aside from glaring as you pass-- pay no mind to any of
your verbiage beyond, you motherfuckers. MARISHA: I think they thought we were patronizing
them. LAURA: Oh. Yeah. Probably. MARISHA: We kind of were, though. LAURA: Yeah, kind of. MARISHA: What? LIAM: It worked. Never mind. MATT: All right. Continuing on for the remainder
of the day, seeing nothing else that catches your eye along the journey, eventually the night comes
to a close once more. You guys have pretty much hit the extent of your horses' energy for the day's
travel right as the sun begins to set. So you can pull off and make another camp for this evening. LAURA: We find a good place? MATT: Who's helming that one? LAURA: I mean, we did such a good job last time. TALIESIN: Yeah, let's do it again. MATT: Go for it! LAURA: Oh no, that is bad. TALIESIN: This is perception? MATT: Yes. TALIESIN: 14. LAURA: Five. MATT: Not too-- ooh, not good for you. That's
fine. Easy enough, you find-- LAURA: I find grass! MATT: You find, maybe a few hundred feet off of
the eastern side of the Amber Road, a small dip in the ground. It looks like an area where the earth
seems to sink almost a bit. This crucible-type look for maybe 60 or so feet. There in the center,
you see another well-used stop along the way. There's some discarded, empty scraps of sack. You
can see a couple of small stone rings where fires were previously set. There's a lot of travel on
this road, and so it's not too difficult, if you're keeping an eye out for a while, to find
some place that's been used over time as a place to rest for the evening. So you set up camp there
without an issue. TALIESIN: Yeah. Set up again. LAURA: Do we put an alarm around us in case? LIAM: I do that every night. LAURA: Oh! Wonderful. LIAM: It's just a given. LAURA: Nice. TALIESIN: That's a griffin. LIAM: A gif-in. LAURA: Should we three take watch since those
three took watch last time? TALIESIN: That's only fair! SAM: Yes, that sounds good. TALIESIN: I'll take watch number one! SAM: I'll take number two! LAURA: I'll take number three! LIAM: Yes, DM, I would like to say that, too. If
we're ever camping outside, just because Liam is a dumb fuck and will forget it. Every night, Caleb
does silver thread around the group. MATT: Right. For a 20-foot cube. LIAM: Okay. That's around us, yeah. MATT: All right. So after setting up your alarm-- LIAM: (singing) It's murder time in the campaign. MATT: As you complete your set up for the evening,
make a perception check. TALIESIN: Six. TRAVIS: What the fuck?! We can't roll perception
for shit. TALIESIN: I shouldn't have touched this die. This
die has been nothing but trouble. MATT: Okay. You are sitting back for a minute ,
the fire crackling to a very diminutive ember. There's just a bit of light slowly flickering off,
framing the outer shapes of your various sleeping friends and companions. You don't hear the
snapping of twigs because it's subtle enough. A brief tickle hits the back of your head, Caleb, as
the thread perimeter is broken. LIAM: Nein, nein! Up. Up! MATT: As that happens, a voice goes, "I wouldn't
do that if I were you!" At which point, you immediately whip around and you guys see, in the
vicinity, standing directly around where you're sleeping, you see nine figures. MARISHA: Nine! Are they mightier than us, though? MATT: This number coming up is so creepy, you
guys. They all look humanoid-- some variation to height, but most of them seem to be standard human
size. Various degrees of patchwork: hide armors, some leathers, a lot of what seems to be cobbled
together and scrapped to build some sort of defense. You see a uniform mismatch of green,
blues, and black cloths that are covering most of the faces. And hoods. MARISHA: Green and black? That's weird. MATT: One's green. One's blue. Couple of black. MARISHA: Oh my god, we're fighting the Ninja
Turtles! SAM: That'd be purple, blue, and orange. MATT: Yeah, completely different thing. As you all
begin to come to conscious and look around, you can see some of them have hand crossbows that
they're holding out in front. Two of them have heavy crossbows that are currently being held with
two hands that are all locked in. There are a few of them that have shortswords drawn, one in each
hand. They're all threatening, but not raring to leap. The one that had spoken out against that,
who's right behind you, Molly. With his boot, presses it against the blade of one of your
scimitars, and says, "I would recommend you just take a step away from that." You feel this very
sharp point of a nocked crossbow bolt that taps the back of your skull. TALIESIN: Oh, you're so polite. How could I
refuse? I just get up. I'm not turning around. Both my scimitars or just one of them? MATT: They're both set in your usual, placed
wrapping. Your ceremonial set before you go to bed at night. TALIESIN: I'm just going to walk to the cart,
then. MATT: Okay. MARISHA: Wait, do they have them? MATT: He's stepping on them right now. TALIESIN: I'm walking to the cart. MATT: Okay. As you begin to walk towards the cart,
which is breaking the perimeter of their holding, the ones on that side go (disapproving sounds).
The one who spoke up before just goes, "All right. No big moves. No trouble wanted. Get your friends
up. Place your valuables onto that cart for us, you have hitched over there. And we'll leave you
with your life. No worries-- " LIAM: I would like to cast Friends on that
gentleman. MATT: Okay. Make a sleight of hand check. LIAM: Ah, that's very low. That is a five. MATT: As soon as you begin to-- and, correct me if
I'm wrong. Friends-- actually, let me see here. Friends is-- no! It's-- LIAM: Somatic and material. All I did was just do
this with my thumb and I put a little bit of rouge on my cheek. MATT: Okay. Yeah, so your charisma checks. The
spell seems to take an effect. LIAM: You'll have to be careful. We are going for
help. Medical help. We all have syphilis. <i>Extreme</i> syphilis. MATT: Make a deception check. TRAVIS: Extreme. MARISHA: Oh my god, brilliant! LIAM: Is this with advantage, right? That's the
effect of the spell. MATT: Yeah, it gives you advantage. Yeah. LIAM: Yeah. Oh yeah. SAM: Ah, that's some good syphilis. LIAM: That is a 22. TRAVIS: Cauliflower crotch, baby. LIAM: 22. We are riddled with it. MATT: You watch as one of the eyes over the face
scarf closes and twitches. He goes, "Right, good to know. Then--" (Liam sneezes loudly) MATT: "I suppose we're going to be leaving you
unspoiled." SAM: I'll stand up and go next to Caleb, and say:
Honey, did you tell them about our disease? LIAM: Oh, it's so much worse! Pity on us, please.
We are just trying to get medical help. MATT: "Then I suggest you all just get down on
your knees and stay where you are. We're just going to take your cart and what's inside of it." LIAM: What was that? MATT: Take the cart and what's inside of it. They
all begin to shift slowly, all keeping their weapons drawn, begin to move over towards the
cart. One of them hops up into the back and begins rummaging through the stuff. TALIESIN: I wouldn't touch that. That might, ooh. LAURA: Oh, no, that's where we got our syphilis
from! TALIESIN: There's a severed head in there. MARISHA: Yeah, look out for that manticore head.
They're diseased. MATT: At which point, one of them pull over a
cloth. He goes, "Jesus Chri--" They all turn around, weapons drawn again like, "What the fuck
are these people doing?" LIAM: No, we might have tried a few things with
that head, but, you know, we've paid the price. Clearly we have suffered enough! MATT: Looks over to Fjord. LAURA: He's just laughing. MATT: "You also infected?" (laughter) LIAM: I mean, the amount of contact we have had,
there is no question. You have to go. (dying noises) MATT: Make an intimidation check. LIAM: It's not as good. MARISHA: Oh, come on. LAURA: Do you get advantage? Because he's a
friend? LIAM: On this, for with my Friends? MATT: This would be the very tail end of your
Friends spell. LIAM: Is it the same guy? MATT: Yeah. MARISHA: Do it. LIAM: It's better. It's 13. MARISHA: Syphilis is intimidating, though. MATT: He looks to the rest of the guys. "I don't
know..." There's a moment where the spell comes to an end and he goes, "Clever motherfucker." MARISHA: Fuck their shit up! LIAM: Scorching Rays on that guy! LAURA: Spiritual Weapon! MARISHA: Fucking punch him in the face! TALIESIN: I'm going in the cart. MATT: Okay! Okay. Well, they had weapons drawn and
were prepared for something. SAM: Sure. MATT: This is all going to happen simultaneously. LIAM: Yeah, mm-hmm. MATT: You're attacking. What are you doing? LAURA: The guy that's been talking. MATT: Okay. Scorching Ray to the guy who's been
talking as well? LIAM: Say again? MATT: Scorching Ray to the guy who's been talking
as well? LIAM: On the guy I put Friends on, yeah. MATT: Okay. SAM: Dodge and pick up my weapons. TALIESIN: I'm just trying to wait for the first
crossbow bolt, and I'm going to hit them with a Vicious Mockery. MATT: Okay. MARISHA: Yeah, and I'm looking for the first
crossbow bolt that's going to go towards one of my friends and try and deflect it. MATT: Who are you going to get in front of? MARISHA: Am I near Caleb? Who am I near? MATT: You're all in a clustered circle; you're in
your camp. Except for Molly, who's-- MARISHA: I'll protect Caleb. He just pissed them
off. MATT: Okay. MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: Fjord? TRAVIS: Yes. I'm firing. Yes. As well. MATT: Okay. Towards the main guy? TRAVIS: No, another one. MATT: Okay. Go ahead and make your attack rolls,
please. LAURA: Giant purple lollipop. MATT: Oh, you're doing Spiritual Weapon. MARISHA: You busted out the lollipop? LAURA: I did. LIAM and MARISHA: (sings) Lollipop, lollipop, ooh
lolli-lolli-lolli, lollipop, lollipop-- LAURA: Oh god, you guys, keys. (cheek popping) LIAM and MATT and TALIESIN and TRAVIS: (singing
deeply) Bum bum bum. LAURA: Is it plus five? I forget. MATT: Yes. SAM: It should say. LAURA: Okay, yeah, 15. MATT: 15? That hits. Go ahead and roll damage. LAURA: Yes. MATT: Caleb, make your attacks for the Scorching
Ray. LIAM: Yeah, that's an 18 to hit. MATT: Yes. The first one. LIAM: Okay. Oh, the first one, right! It's three. MATT: Multiple rays. LIAM: Yeah, I forget. Sorry, it's a brand new
spell. LAURA: Seven points of damage. LIAM: Second one is a 24. MATT: Hits. LIAM: And the third one is a natural 20. MATT: All three hit. LIAM: Okay. The first is a 11, 12, 13, damn it.<i>
Ja</i>. MARISHA: Is that a natural 20 on the-- LIAM: (Gasps) 37. Total. LAURA: What!? MATT: 37 points of damage? LIAM: Yeah. SAM: All on one guy? MATT: Yeah. LIAM: It was three things of flame go shooting--
Because I did this. (fire noises) SAM: Ooh, that's Vax numbers. MATT: Immediately as that ray is released. That's
a 16 to hit? TRAVIS: (German accent) The fire starter! MATT: 21 to hit. LIAM: Oh, they're attacking me? MATT: Yeah. LIAM: They all hit. MARISHA: Come on, Duraflame, come on. MATT: That's a 19 to hit. LIAM: All three hit. MATT: And a 12 to hit. LIAM: Yeah, I think so. Yeah. MATT: Okay. LAURA: All at you? LIAM: As the flames go out, these come in. MATT: As the flames escape, four crossbow bolts:
two of them are heavy, and two of them are light crossbow. MARISHA: I was holding my action for that crossbow
bolt. For one at him. MATT: Correct. You went to intercede. I'll allow
you to take the hit on that one then. The damage goes through to you automatically. TALIESIN: Can I Blood Maledict one of them, or
no? MATT: I'll allow you to do one of them. TALIESIN: Okay. MATT: Well, technically I already made the attack
rolls, and you didn't say that. TALIESIN: Oh, okay. Never mind. MATT: That's okay. That would have been seven
points of piercing damage. MARISHA: Yeah, that's a nine, plus seven. MATT: You catch one right before it hits Caleb. MARISHA: Can I go ahead and burn a ki to go back? MATT: You can! MARISHA: Bam. Doing that shit. MATT: That is a d10, plus your dexterity
modifier. MARISHA: d10 plus my dex-- d10? MATT: Yeah. It's a heavy crossbow. MARISHA: Oh, in terms of damage. MATT: Yes. MARISHA: Fuck. Yes. MATT: Well, you still have to roll to hit, right?
You have to roll to hit back, yeah. MARISHA: I think I do, right? MATT: Yeah. You're considered proficient, though. TRAVIS: Yep. MARISHA: That's a 15 naturally. MATT: Yeah, that hits. MARISHA: And then, so d10. Fuck. That's a fucking
one. Five points of damage. That's lame. MATT: Okay. Caleb you do suffer from the bolts
that do make it through to you. 19 points of piercing damage. LIAM: I have 19 hit points. MARISHA: Damn it. If I would've rolled one fucking
higher. MATT: (rapid thudding) LIAM: (groans and coughs) Syphilis. MATT: The last thing you watch is the leader,
who'd been talking with you, gets slammed up in the air about two feet with an uppercut from a
mystical lollipop, and then all the rays incinerate him into ash in midair. He is scattered
to ash. One of the other guys gets hit with his own bolt. Another guy goes blind. What are you
doing? TRAVIS: I was Eldritch Blasting him. MATT: Against which guy? TRAVIS: Just any of them. MATT: All right. TRAVIS: 19 to hit. MATT: 19 to hit works. Go ahead and roll damage. TRAVIS: That is 12 points of damage. MATT: He gets a blast to the side of the face and
goes down unconscious onto the ground. His crossbow fires wide into the air, and disappears
into the night sky. As soon as this happens, as you fall unconscious, all these hits happen like
this Mexican standoff that just suddenly-- All this action happens at once. Caleb goes down! Two
other guys double over! Two of them go, "Wait, wait! Hold on! Hold on!" TALIESIN: I pop out of the cart, and I'm holding
the giant glaive. MATT: Okay. (laughter) TALIESIN: I light it up. LAURA: Yeah, the sucker's just spinning in the
air. MATT: All of a sudden, as the sucker's spinning,
and you watch as this bright burst of radiant energy's crackling on the edge of this
nasty-looking, gnollish blade. They're all just standing there. "What happened to Trevor?" TRAVIS: Oh, Trevor's with the wind. LIAM: I just failed my first death save. MATT: Okay. LAURA: Oh, already? Why'd you roll? He didn't even
tell you. LIAM: About six seconds went by. LAURA: Jesus. TRAVIS: See, Trevor done put his fucking nose
where it didn't belong. Unless you want to join him, I'd get the fuck out of here. LAURA: I'm going to walk over to Caleb, while I'm
doing this, and I'm going to cast Cure Wounds on him. MATT: All right, go for it. SAM: (magic sounds) TRAVIS: I don't know if you know, but syphilis is
fucking contagious. MATT: One of them nearby walks over to where
Trevor was, where his boots on the ground now are smoking, and picks up a handful of ash and goes-- LAURA: 11. LIAM: 11, oh, wow. Thank you. MATT: "We're going to go ahead and wish you a good
night." (whistles) LAURA: Hey, hey! LAURA: I think you're going to give us everything
on <i>your</i> cart. MATT: "We don't have a cart." LAURA: I thought you had a cart; you were going to
load our stuff onto your cart. MATT: "No, we were taking your cart." LAURA: Oh, well where'd you come from? That's so
stupid. TALIESIN: This is a really terrible plan. MATT: "Well, we steal your cart and then we get
your stuff and--" "Shut up!" He's like, "I'm sorry." LAURA: Well, then give us all your clothes then! MARISHA: Yeah, your headbands are lame, but I want
them. MATT: Make an intimidation check. SAM: I'm going to disappear back into the woods. LAURA: That was so close to being good. Five! MATT: He goes, "No!" TALIESIN: I'm going to say I'm going to use
Devil's Tongue: Come on, we're all friends here. Why don't you just walk away, leave your things,
and just admit your defeat? It was a good try. MATT: Is this the Vicious Mockery? TALIESIN: No, this is not Vicious Mockery. This is
Charm Person. MATT: Right! That's a four. TALIESIN: Yeah, nope. MATT: He goes, "The man makes a valid point," and
starts taking his trousers off immediately in the place. All the other guys go (questioning
stutters). LAURA: Take it off! Take it all off! MATT: They all start pulling and stripping their
armor off. As they take their masks off, you can see a lot of them just look like dirty, poor,
wandering brigands. A lot of them are missing varying teeth. A lot of them look like they
haven't had a bath in days. They look kind of like Caleb. SAM: DM shade. MATT: They look genuinely perturbed by the fact
that you incinerated their de facto leader, Trevor. There's a moment where they go from these
really frightening nameless thieves to a bunch of people that you feel sorry for as they strip down
and throw their armor on the ground. A lot of them are left with either just some semblance of slacks
or some sort of tattered long johns that are just stained and awful. They throw their crossbows onto
the ground. They throw their shortswords and daggers onto the ground. TRAVIS: Jester, maybe we can let them have a
little fucking dignity as they leave. LIAM: As he says that, I already begin picking
through the remains of the leader's shit, looking to see if anything is left. MATT: Well, there are two shortswords that are
currently covered in soot, that was once their previous owner. All the rest of the armor has been
burnt and charred. And there is ashes. SAM: While they're talking, can I do a long circle
around the whole campsite, looking for horses that are tied up? MATT: Make a perception check. SAM: Okay. 19. MATT: You do see there are, a ways over the
previous hill, nine horses that are all briefly hitched to a few stakes that are pounded into the
ground. SAM: I will unhitch the stakes. MARISHA: Oh, yes you will. SAM: Let's see here. Five of them I'll just shoo,
the meekest five I'll shoo off into the woods and the other four I'll try to control and take with
me somewhere else. MATT: Make an animal handling check. SAM: 18 plus something! Plus three-- No, plus
zero. MATT: You have been learning, as you've made your
way past these barriers with nature's beautiful, natural creatures. Manage to get four sets of
these reins, and these horses look pretty malnourished, and they were probably stolen too.
Some of them have brands, but different types of brands. You get the sense that they were probably
pulled from different homesteads. As you pull them together, there's a moment of you waiting for them
to draw and quarter you. Just based on what you're holding. Just like (yelps). But they follow. You
carefully begin to walk a perimeter around. While that's happening-- TALIESIN: Now that the leader's dead, who's the de
facto leader here? Speak up, be bold! MATT: Two of the ones go, "Me!" They both look at
each other and shoot each other down with these horrible glares and go, "No, it's me!" again, at
the same time. Both say, "Fuck you!" at the same time. (Groans) And they're just frustrated. TALIESIN: Do you know parchment-shears-stone? MARISHA: Yeah, yeah, yeah. ALL: Boulder-parchment-shears. TALIESIN: Do you know that game? MATT: "Yeah." TALIESIN: Pick your leader. MARISHA: Do it! Come on. MATT: They both come together and (tapping). LIAM: Kiss yourself, Matthew. MATT: All right, the one on the left, who looks to
be a scraggly redhead, probably close to 20 or 21 years old, wins the bout of
boulder-parchment-shears. TALIESIN: Step forward. Would you agree that the
previous leadership of this group has probably failed you on some level? MATT: "You know, I wouldn't say so. Yeah, no, I
mean, Trevor, he--" TALIESIN: Look where you are right now, son. MATT: "I know! Trevor's turned to ashes." TALIESIN: It was a bad decision! MATT: "It was very bad. He was a very bad man." TALIESIN: Perhaps you should rethink your line of
work. MATT: "Yeah. Yeah, you're right. You are right.
Right?" And all the boys go, "Right." TRAVIS: Molly I think they also need a bath. TALIESIN: Right. All right here's the deal, if
everyone's fine? MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: "Are you going to bathe me?" TALIESIN: Maybe. MATT: (whimpers) TALIESIN: Put your clothes back on, this is just
embarrassing, all of you-- don't pick up your weapons-- LAURA: Leave your weapons. MATT: They start taking their clothes and the one
who this one kid beat at boulder-parchment-shears is like, "You fucked up, Zenny." TALIESIN: Do not criticize new management until
it's had time to take full effect. MATT: "Right." TALIESIN: All right? MATT: They all start putting on bits of their
clothing, most of them are just holding it under their arms. TALIESIN: Now, line up. Line up. LAURA: How many are there? TALIESIN: Nine. Eight. MATT: There's eight now and three of them look
like they're hurting pretty bad. One of them has their own crossbow bolt in their chest that Beau
threw and it's still there and he's (groans) holding it. TALIESIN: Now you're all going to leave tonight.
You're going to find something better to do with yourselves and remember, no matter how you die or
where we can identify your bodies without the heads. So be careful. I'm going to give, in a
line, one gold piece each to each of them in the row. TRAVIS: Yes, that's, yes. I like that a lot. MATT: They all look very confused. TALIESIN: Now for this, you promise that your
terrible bandit days are over because you're really not very good at this. I mean, we were
barely paying attention, this is pathetic. MARISHA: Well, you were barely paying attention. TALIESIN: Well let's not cast aspirations on new
management, it's only been two days. MATT: They all lower their heads and one of them
goes, "Yeah, Zenny." He's like, "Shut up." TALIESIN: You're all walking away with one gold. MATT: "Right." "Right." "Right." "Right." (laughter) TALIESIN: That's about as well as this night
could've gone for you. LAURA: Make sure you wash your gold thoroughly
because they're all infected with syphilis. TALIESIN: There's so much syphilis. MATT: Two of them drop the coins on the ground and
then pick them up again, but with bits of their cloth. MARISHA: Molly, if I will, I feel like our money
should still buy something, you know, a service. We teach these good men to make money based on the
services they provide. TALIESIN: What precisely did you have in mind? MARISHA: You all have one fucking job, you go and
you tell all your stupid friends: No fucks with the Mighty Nein. MATT: You see as three of them are, quietly under
their breath, "Mighty Nein, Mighty Nein, okay." MARISHA: But spelled N-E-I-N. The Mighty Nein.
Don't forget it. MATT: It's at that moment you think you've lost
most of them. LIAM: It's in Zemnian. Partially. TALIESIN: I mean, unless anyone else has anything
to say? MARISHA: That's all I got. TALIESIN: Okay. LAURA: The Traveler is with you all, forever and
ever (low-pitched) and ever. MATT: Use Thaumaturgy to make that, "(low-pitched)
And ever!" You Gandalf-voice it for a moment and they all take a step back, "So, leader Zenny,
where are we off to?" He's like, "Um, I think, let's just head to Felderwin." TALIESIN: That's a very bold decision, well done. MATT: "Okay. Thank you." TALIESIN: You're welcome. LAURA: Go away now! MATT: "Okay!" They all quickly dart off, they're
pulling their pants up the rest of the way and they're making their way back into the field.
They're avoiding-- yeah, you've certainly made their evening. LAURA: Oh man, did you see that you thought you
burned that other guy up, did you see how much you burned that-- LIAM: (groans in pain) MARISHA: Sorry, I caught one of them. (laughter) LIAM: Two-- (groans in pain) LAURA: That's really good. I just go up and put a
hand on each of them to cover the blood holes. LIAM: Oh, cover my nips. TALIESIN: I'm going to gather the swords and the
crossbows and put them in the cart. LAURA: I don't have any more hands, Caleb, don't
do it, don't do it. Oh no! I put my knee up on the hole. Stop it. I'm going to cure your wounds now.
Get ready for it, it's going to be so good. LIAM: I think I'm going to faint right now. LAURA: No! Cure Wounds! MARISHA: He's all right. He'll be fine. He's going
to feel great when he wakes up. TRAVIS: Yeah, like a million bucks. LAURA: That one isn't as good, that's only four.
Sorry. You pulled out all three of them at once, you know. TALIESIN: Well hey, more kindling. MATT: You guys eventually settle yourselves down
to continue your evening of rest. SAM: I walk back into camp with the horses and tie
them up. I found some horses. TRAVIS: Oh shit. SAM: I named them: Loo, John, Crapper, and
Toilet. LAURA: Woah. I'll take Toilet. MARISHA: I take Crapper. TRAVIS: I'll take John. TALIESIN: I'll take Loo. MATT: All right. Keep in mind now that you're
having to feed and take of six horses. LAURA: Okay. I feed Toilet so many doughnuts, I
just feed him so many. MATT: You're running pretty low on doughnuts, by
the way. LAURA: I know, it's crumbs and moldy bits of
pastry at the bottom of my bag now. MATT: Yeah. They didn't start as lemon tarts. LAURA: I had, like, twelve stuffed in there. TALIESIN: It's 2:00AM on a Sunday at a Starbucks
right now. There's nothing. MATT: Basically, yeah. MARISHA: One lone cake pop. LAURA: I'm out of pastries. I'm out of money and
I'm out of pastries. SAM: Money? LAURA: Well, compared to what I had, this is
bullshit. SAM: What did you have before? LAURA: I don't know, it was a pretty big pile
though. This is like not a big pile, this was like a big pile. SAM: When you were with your mother? LAURA: Yeah! TALIESIN: I don't even know what you do with that
much money, this is ridiculous. LAURA: You buy clothes for your horse that draws
your carriage, which is something I did. TALIESIN: You put clothes on your horse? That's a
great idea. LAURA: It was real pretty. MARISHA: What happened to those clothes and that
horse? LAURA: Well, I think I left them on the side of
the road, somewhere, actually. TALIESIN: Insight check. LAURA: Why did I do that? TALIESIN: Is she full of bullshit? MATT: Make an insight check. TALIESIN: All right. 12. MATT: Hard to read. TALIESIN: Damn it. LAURA: I can't remember. I saw something super
interesting. Shit. TALIESIN: If it was that interesting, why can't
you remember it? LAURA: I see a lot of interesting things. TALIESIN: That's fair. MARISHA: I bet that horse made a great gift for
someone else, you probably made somebody really happy. Maybe a little girl who wanted a horsie for
her birthday. TRAVIS: I start kicking the ash of the former
leader around to spread him around and fucking lay back down. SAM: Caleb's still out. TALIESIN: How many sword and crossbows and random
things did we pick up? MATT: Two heavy crossbows. TALIESIN: Two heavy crossbows. MATT: Three light crossbows. TALIESIN: Two heavy cross-- Oh you've got--?
Yeah. LAURA: Two heavy-- TALIESIN: Two light. SAM: This is not a good system. Travis, will you
teach her how to keep track of our group stuff? TRAVIS: Nope. Trust me, my system wasn't any
better. LAURA: I'm going to make better notes soon, I'm
just going to-- Two heavy crossbows, two light-- MATT: Two hand crossbows. LAURA: That's in addition to the two light
crossbows? TALIESIN: Two heavy, two light, two hand. LAURA: Two hand. SAM: It's like, all over the place next to dick
pics. MATT: What would amount to 43 bolts. SAM: Oh, I'll take some of those. MATT: Yeah, those will be helpful to you. LAURA: Do you want all of them? SAM: No, because what if we need-- someone else-- LAURA: No one else is going to use crossbows. SAM: I'll take 20. LAURA: 20, got it. MATT: And six shortswords and two daggers. LAURA: Holy moly. MATT: You can load up in that cart. Carrying them
on your person would be a problem, that cart's getting pretty full. Thankfully you have more
horses. LAURA: Two daggers you said? TRAVIS: We've got the fucking Wells Fargo carriage
now. MARISHA: Oh my god, it totally is! TRAVIS: We're straight-up Wells Fargo. MATT: Mind you, all the equipment you found from
them, not in the best condition. The swords are dinged to shit. They're chipped in places like
they've been banged against hard pieces. MARISHA: Scrap metal. I roll Caleb over and make
sure he's not face-down in the dirt. MATT: He's breathing, he's good. MARISHA: I cover him up, he's fine. MATT: You guys eventually find yourselves back to
rest for the evening. You're keeping second watch now? LAURA: He was going to keep second watch. SAM: Yes, I'm second watch. MATT: Nott, go ahead and roll a perception check
for me, please. SAM: Oh man, eight. MATT: Okay. LIAM: Take them out! Take them out! LAURA: Jesus Christ. LIAM: (heavy panting) Oh, you're all awake. SAM: Hello. LAURA: Now we are all awake. SAM: Were you having a bad dream? TALIESIN: Party's over. LIAM: Why would you say that? MARISHA: One day we're going to have a real big
talk about your issues. LAURA: You have major glasses indentations on your
face. LIAM: I don't wear glasses. LAURA: Then what the fuck is that from? TRAVIS: Yeah, the syphilis is creeping up into
your eye cavities. SAM: That was some good lying. Oh boy. Your face
is fucked up. (laughter) TRAVIS: Look over here. Holy shit. LAURA: That's commitment. LIAM: I've been asleep face-down in the cart, it
feels like. Where are we? SAM: We're in the same exact place, you're not
dead. LIAM: Did we make it to Zadash? LAURA: No, Caleb go back to sleep, you're ruining
everyone's sleep. MARISHA: Yeah, it's literally been about ten
minutes. LIAM: Okay, let's fight these fuckers. Where are
they? SAM: They're all dead, they're gone. We took their
horses, they're gone. LAURA: They were already gone when you passed out.
Go back to sleep. Is he always like this? SAM: Yes! LAURA: Oi. SAM: He's very smart. MATT: All right. Third and final watch? LAURA: Yes. MATT: Go for it. SAM: Good wrist action, terrible roll. TALIESIN: Wow! TRAVIS: Please tell me it's less than a ten. TALIESIN: Oh yeah. LAURA: It's six. TRAVIS: I mean, that's six perception checks in a
row that were under ten. MATT: Yeah. During your final watch, as people are
finishing up their rest, the sun just barely begins to-- or would be cresting over the hills.
The slight change in light is the precursor that notifies you of dawn, however, the heavy, dark
clouds in the sky and the sudden sound of thunder immediately followed the freezing cold rainfall
that begins to spill across the entirety of your campsite. All of you begin to come to
consciousness, finishing your long rest, by immediately being drenched in freezing water of a
recent storm here on the Marrow Valley fields. LAURA: Hey you guys, it's raining. TALIESIN: Are you sure? LAURA: Yeah. TALIESIN: Have you checked? LAURA: Yeah. TALIESIN: Hold on. MARISHA: Camping sucks. TALIESIN: Yeah, that's rain. That's a little
water. I'm going to fold my coat up and put it away, just vest and vestiture. TRAVIS: I take out that heavy cloak and I put it
over my damn head. MATT: Okay. you guys all bundle up what you can.
The horses are trying to stay warm and cuddle up next to each other. LAURA: I take my cloak off and put it around
Toilet's head. MARISHA: Aww! LAURA: See? MATT: I'm not going to talk about the state of the
manticore head at the moment, which is now drenched in rain. LAURA: The cold weather will be good for it. MATT: You guys you have rested for the evening.
you continue back onto the path and continue forward. Who's keeping watch on this next journey?
Perception check for me, please. LIAM: It's a 12. MATT: You glance off the side of the western edge
of the Amber Road and see a neglected gravesite, maybe 300 feet off the road's path. It's overgrown
in the fields. At a quick glance, you can gather maybe close to 200 various stones that are grave
markers in various states of disrepair and erosion over time. As you ride past and see in the
distance, it looks to be an older landmark, that's been left to be reclaimed by nature. LIAM: At our closest, where do we get to it before
passing it? MATT: You'd probably get about 80 or 90 feet from
it. LIAM: Is everybody sleeping? MATT: No, everyone's up in the cart, or riding. LIAM: Okay. MATT: You guys continue on past, up the road. Are
you still keeping watch on this? LIAM: Am I controlling the cart at this point if
everybody is sleeping? LAURA: We're all on horses. LIAM: We're all just going, and I'm keeping
watch? LAURA: Nott might be driving the cart, you might
be sitting in the cart, but the rest of us are on horses next to the cart. LIAM: Wait, wait. I want to-- SAM: Whoa! LIAM: I just have to take a piss, hold on. I'm
going to walk over towards the graves. SAM: It's true, he does need to pee quite
frequently. TALIESIN: There's an old cemetery? MATT: You glance over to where he's going to pee
and you can see a long in disuse cemetery. LIAM: I would like to get about 30 or 40 feet
within range of it and start taking a tinkle. MATT: Okay. TALIESIN: I'm going to crawl over there on my
horse as well and get a feel of it. MATT: Okay. As you're finishing your business, you
can get within 30 feet or so and you see that a lot of the stones are intact, some of them have
been cracked and broken, a lot of them-- what once may have been a well-kept perimeter of earth,
dirt, and dust has since been completely retaken by the grasses of the field. While the grasses
aren't as tall as the surrounding field may be, the greenery and the moss has taken a lot of the
stone and to read a lot of them you would probably have to clear off whatever bit of growth has
reached up and claimed them. TALIESIN: I'm going to pick a random one. LIAM: After I shake it and put it away, I move my
fingers in a shape in the air and whisper a few arcane words and cast Detect Magic within range of
the gravestones. MATT: Okay. As you begin to do a conscious pass
across the grave, nothing magical catches your attention within the radius you're observing. LIAM: Okay. I squeeze out a single fart and go
back to the cart. TALIESIN: Anything undead, anything...? MATT: Make an investigation check. TRAVIS: <i>Nein!</i> TALIESIN: With advantage, or no? MATT: As you're seeking anything that's related to
the undead, yeah, go for it. TALIESIN: Natural 20. MATT: Okay. TALIESIN: I'm cleaning off one. MATT: As you pick one and look for any signs of
grave emerging or grave robbery, or different things that may be attributed to the necromantic
studies that involve the creation and/or maintenance of undead, the site seems to be
largely undisturbed. You go through one name and it says "Bagent" and the next once you go by says
"Avryn" and the next stone says "Emor." The markings are simple. They're very simple stones.
It looks like whoever was buried here was done so at the very basic level of marking a grave site.
Your foot hits something hard on the ground and your toe-- and you look down at a rusted helmet of
iron make. You pick it up. Make a history check. MARISHA: (whisper chants) Scrap metal! Scrap
metal! Scrap metal! TRAVIS: Like nobody's going to want metal and
we're just going to be driving around that busted jalopy with a shitload of metal. TALIESIN: Nothing. Six. MATT: You're unable to make out any details of the
construction of it or any significance of it, but it's an old helmet. And it looks like a lot of the
edges of it appear to have just slowly been taken by the oxidization-- TALIESIN: I'm going to take it back anyway. MATT: As you guys are waiting, Caleb's returned,
and a few minutes later, maybe about ten minutes after, you watch as Molly approaches, tossing this
deeply rusted iron helmet in his hand. LIAM: What is that? Can I see that? TALIESIN: Of course. LIAM: Yeah, I would like to. Do I recognize this? MATT: Make a history check. LIAM: Yeah. SAM: It's Yorick. LIAM: Yeah. That is a 14. MATT: Okay. You have a little more grasp and
understanding of the history of the valley. The markings on this indicate that this helmet
belonged to a regiment of the Julous Dominion. The Julous Dominion, which you recall is the last
remaining empire to be conquered by the Dwendalian Empire, nearly two centuries before. MARISHA: Julous what? LIAM: Julous Dominion. Two centuries. MATT: Zadash was the capital of that empire before
the Dwendalian rule conquered them and took over. As opposed to erasing their society, they just
allowed it to be integrated into their own beliefs, and then just imposed their life upon
those people, their laws, their rules, and adjusted as they saw fit. That marked the end of
it. This gravesite seems to have been a reminder of soldiers that fought, probably, in those
conflicts or something around that time period, and has just been left to the annals of memory as
the Dwendalian influence left no real particular interest in those to keep tabs of the history
behind them. LIAM: Caleb says: You know, it's funny-- and then
says everything that you just did to everyone in the group. TALIESIN: That's very interesting. LAURA and MARISHA: Wow. LIAM: Here's your helmet back. TRAVIS: That's very informative, Caleb. MARISHA: We can still sell that for scrap metal,
though, right? LAURA: I mean, it's pretty rusty. MARISHA: Yeah. LAURA: Like maybe to a museum or something. LIAM: Steeped in history. LAURA: The Dwendalian Empire kind of sucks, you
guys. MARISHA: I've lived here my whole life. It's kind
of lame. LAURA: I mean, the Menagerie Coast is really
cool. MARISHA: Never been that far. LAURA: Oh, it's amazing! MARISHA: Been a lot of places in Dwendalian, but
not that far. SAM: There must be some nice places here, right? LAURA: I don't know, everything I've seen so
far-- SAM: Well, that village we were just in was not
bad, except for, you know, the gnoll attack. LAURA: That's true. And Bryce was a soldier of the
Dwendalian Empire? MARISHA: They're on the outskirts. The further on
the outskirts you go, the more tolerable they are. Further north we go...? LIAM: The further out you are, the easier it is to
bend the rules. LAURA: What's the capital of the Dwendalian
Empire? MARISHA: It's-- SAM: Let's consult our notes. LAURA: Is it Rexxentrum? MATT and TRAVIS: Rexxentrum. SAM: Oh, that's where the magic school is, right? LAURA: Yeah. MARISHA: I'm just telling you, the more north we
go, the stricter it's going to get. You're going to see more and more of the empire and its
influence. LAURA: Crazy. SAM: Maybe they'll have nicer things. Arts.
Culture. MARISHA: Of course they will. It's where all the
money is. LIAM: They have the best of the best in the north,<i>
ja.</i> LAURA: Do they like arts and culture in the
Dwendalian Empire? LIAM: What and culture? LIAM and LAURA: Arts and culture. LAURA: Do they like painting? MARISHA: Farts and vultures. LIAM: What are you talking about? MARISHA: Never mind. LIAM: I hear. LAURA: Yeah. Okay. That's good. MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: You guys continue moving northward again,
the rain still pouring as you all maintain warmth best you can, bundling up with the various travel
supplies, blankets and insulation you can muster off the cart and your own-- LAURA: I was taking in the rain, yo! I like it! SAM: Hard to tell what motions you're doing. LAURA: Shut up! I could see it in my head! LIAM: Frumpkin is fucking miserable because he's
drenched and he does not like to be wet. MATT: Yep. (sad meow). As you push into the latter
half of the afternoon, a few hours before the sun begins to set, you begin cresting a large hill
along the road, before you notice a trio of spiky peaks catching your eye, breaking the skyline
ahead of you. As you begin to come higher up to the top of that hillside, you can watch these
peaks slowly unveil into the rest of the massive skyline of the city of Zadash, breaking the
horizon. LAURA: (gasps) Oh my gosh! MATT: It's an incredible sight compared to the
rural townships you've encountered here in the empire thus far, and comparable in mass to the
coastal metropolis of Port Damali, where you grew up. The 15-foot perimeter walls outline the
somewhat triangular shape of the city from your current perspective. The communities spilling
beyond the protective bulwarks cascade beyond the walls into ramshackle tent cities and hovel towns.
As you ride down the road towards the stretch that leads to the southern gates, you pass through
fields of crop workers that are currently out there with heavy shawls and head coverings, in the
process of harvesting various vegetables and crops from the field. Some take note of your presence
and watch as you pass and then go amongst their work; others are too involved, could care less
about the constant passing of travelers northward and southward. As you approach closer to the city
still, the external neighborhoods begin to envelop your vision as small farmsteads, homes, begin to
mingle with these tents and shacks you had seen at a distance. A mother in ragged clothes plucks a
chicken before noticing your band and sending her six-year-old boy over, dirt smeared on his face
and no shoes, running up to the mud outside the cart and puts his hands out towards you as you
walk past. MARISHA: I toss him a silver. MATT: He takes it and runs back to his mom and she
just nods. Doesn't make eye contact with you, but as soon as the child approaches, gives a nod.
Continues pulling feathers out. Pushing on, the foot traffic-- LIAM: Sorry, Caleb trips, or pretends to, into the
mud, and scoops up two fistfuls of mud and shoves them into his pockets. MATT: Okay. Easily enough. Pushing on, the foot
traffic grows heavier near the gate. A huge, 15-foot wide, currently open portcullis is being
held aloft by chains beyond your visual range. As two pairs of crownsguards flank each side of this
opening with semi-watchful eyes. They're not interrogating passersby; they're keeping a close
watch as folks enter in and out. You can see another caravan is currently in the process of
loading up and getting ready to leave southward. You can see people are walking in and out from the
external shantytown, and other individuals are-- some are paying attention to the rather, once
again, your colorful band by comparison; most of the folks you see here range between your typical
human populace to the occasional halfling and dwarf. The fairer races beyond that haven't caught
your eye yet on this exterior perimeter. Stepping beyond, the crownsguard keeping a watch as you
pass, you emerge beyond the threshold of the entry gate on the southern wall here, into Zadash. The
smell of wet earth, manure immediately hits your nose, accompanied by the sound of hooves, mingling
conversations, distant shouts, and the barking of dogs as they welcome you into this new and
interesting city. Glancing up, you can see the buildings around you that flank the street
continue to be rather destitute in the atmosphere, but then eventually begin to graduate into a
standard village feel. You've arrived. LIAM: Is it still raining? MATT: It is still raining. SAM: This place sucks! Too much water. TRAVIS: We should find a place to take some
shelter until this rain lets up. SAM: Are we supposed to go to the Pillow Trove or
the Leaky Tap? LAURA: Well, we should probably hit the Leaky Tap
first, in the West Outersteads. LIAM: Agreed, that is our first stop. TALIESIN: <i>East.</i> SAM: The East Westersheets. What was it? TALIESIN: East Best Western. LAURA: It was in the West Outersteads. SAM: I thought it was the <i>East</i> Outer! LIAM: We are looking for Claudia Sheed. MARISHA: East? TALIESIN: East. LAURA: It was? MARISHA: I don't know, I didn't catch it. I got
Claudia Sheed. LIAM: I remember exactly, and Matthew will tell me
because of my Keen Mind feat. TALIESIN: This is the best thing you've ever
done. LIAM: It was entirely on purpose. MATT: Bryce, when you were talking about this,
Bryce grew up in the West Outersteads, but Leaky Tap is in the east. LAURA: Aww! MATT: Still take your notes! MARISHA: But Bryce grew up in the west. LIAM: I took the Clippy feat. SAM: Looks like you're writing a letter! LIAM: Looks like you can't remember the details
the DM told you. Would you like to ask him again and get an exact replication? MATT: As the horses are clopping through the mud
and you guys are having this conversation, slowly making your way through town, everyone else is
rushing about their business, but you're just leisurely just taking in the vicinity. You hear
this coughing off to the side, and you watch as a bundled up, hunched-looking human approaches and
goes, "Well, hello! You look a bit lost, and obviously not from around here." As the face looks
up, you can see within the hood, a somewhat pudgy-looking older man in his mid-60s or so, it
looks to be. He has a thick, bushy, gray mustache that turns into a full Stonewall beard on the
side. He has a monocle up in one eye, but it looks a bit scratched. The cloak he's wearing is just
covering the rest of his form, but as he looks and goes, "I'm just happy to greet you to our fair
city. Do you require anyone to help you around? Show you the grounds?" MARISHA: How much? MATT: "Well, for a day's work, that would merely
run you a paltry two gold pieces." TRAVIS: What might your name be, kind stranger? MATT: "I am Ulysses Stanneras. I've lived here my
entire life. I'm a purveyor of all the great sites and sounds of the city, and it would be my
pleasure." LAURA: Ulysses, are you going to flash us or try
to sell us some watches? LIAM: What is a watch? MATT: They have watches? (laughs) There is
clockwork in this-- LAURA: There you go! LIAM: What is a watch? SAM: Oh, he only knows it by the Zemnian name. LIAM: You mean, like a guard? SAM: No, like a "clockcruzen." That's how you say
it in your language, I think. TALIESIN: Mechanical croissant. SAM: A "clockenticken." LIAM: You are adorably, fucking wrong right now. SAM: I've been picking up little bits of the
language. LIAM: Okay. To say "yes," it is "<i>ja</i>." That is
your first lesson. SAM: <i>Ja.</i> LIAM: Everything else you said was shit. MARISHA: Stanneras. LIAM: Staggeras or Standeras? MARISHA, LAURA, MATT, and TALIESIN: Stanneras. LIAM: Ulysses Standeras. Strong name, <i>ja, ja,
ja.</i> Ulysses Standeras. TRAVIS: It's a fine offer, Ulysses. Where would
you have us get out of this rain for a bit? MATT: "Well, there is a small tunnel, maybe about
several hundred feet above; it'll give us some break from the rain." LAURA: Can we insight check this motherfucker? MATT: Of course. LAURA: Please. MARISHA: Let me take you to the shadiest place,
tourist. LAURA: Natural 20! (cheering) ALL: Whispers! LIAM: Mama Bear takes care of the Mighty Nein! MARISHA: Yeah! (chants) Den mama! Den mama! SAM: It's not D <i>and</i> D Beyond, it's D <i>N</i> D
Beyond. You don't want to type in an "and," because that will take you to a porn site. TALIESIN: What doesn't, really? SAM: What does Stannis Baratheon say? LAURA: I mean. SAM: Should we go to this dingy tunnel? LAURA: I guess we can? LIAM: You say that because it's a good idea, or
because you're feeling--? LAURA: I don't know, he just seems like a good guy
some-- I mean, shifty. But I don't think he's trying to fuck us <i>right</i> now. LIAM: Insight check! (laughter) MATT: Make an ins-- (laughs and coughs) MARISHA: You're insight checking-- TALIESIN: This is a game of trust. LIAM: 18. LAURA: Can I whisper to him? MATT: Yeah, you may. MARISHA: This is our first chain whisper. MATT: I love this so much. LIAM: What, what? SAM: What is going on right now? MARISHA: Is D and D Beyond. TRAVIS: That's D <i>N</i> D. MARISHA: With an N. TRAVIS: Beyond. MARISHA: Little hitch in it. DND. MATT: "Or, not. You're welcome to wander as you
see fit but I was just merely willing to help." LAURA: What do you have under that cloak? Is it
weapons? MATT: He takes the edges and daintily holds the
cloak open presentery style and he's dressed in very fine clothing, like a nice coat that's
buttoned, with a little cravat and fine trousers. Or at least they were at one point, the edges are
a little tattered. It looks like his one nice suit that he's had for maybe 20 years and it's
definitely seen some rough days. You get the sense, from this whole package here, that either
he feigns some level of prominence or has fallen very hard from it. TRAVIS: Well, Jester, if he's fine by you, I mean,
let's get out of the rain, I'm fucking soaked. LAURA: He seems pretty okay, I guess. SAM: To the tunnels! LIAM: I cast Friends on him. MARISHA: So soon. SAM: Friends. LIAM: Yes. <i>Freunde.</i> SAM: <i>Freundes.</i> LIAM: And I say. My <i>Freunde</i>-- MATT: "Yes?" LIAM: I have just cast a spell on you, okay? So
you just have to listen to what I'm saying, okay? I think you are kind of an asshole but so are we,
we are the Mighty Nein and we will fuck you so hard if you fuck with us. MATT: Make an intimidation check with advantage. LIAM: 20. MATT: He goes: "Well, first off that's terribly
rude, affecting me with any sort of arcane-based nature enchantments upon first meeting you when
I've been so gracious." LIAM: <i>Ja,</i> we're a bunch of <i>Arschlochs</i>, yeah,
we're assholes it's fine, but I'm just saying-- MATT: "But do you pay?" LIAM: Today we do. MATT: "Then I think we will do quite well working
together." LIAM: Okay, you see this one? The purple one? He
will cut you from navel to nuts, so please, have fun with us, but don't you fuck us. MATT: "I know better than to cross anyone with
a--" LAURA: Unless we ask for it. And then you're
welcome to do it. MATT: "Well then, shall we get out of this rain?
Follow me." He closes his cloak and begins to dart with a really rapid gait further down the road and
then turn off to the right. You can now see the city. Beyond the outer wall, it looks like there
are a number of perimeter walls that have arches between them almost like under a bridge and
there are constructs-- houses that are built through those gaps and in these small tunnels that
are maybe 15 to 20 feet in length but, you know, 40 foot wide where these large separation barriers
are and you can see along the top there are carts that move on their own along these wall tops and
it catches your eyes. One of them shifts down, it's curious. MARISHA: Like a people mover? MATT: Kind of. LIAM: Like a people mover. MARISHA: Like Disney! SAM: They have a monorail? LAURA and MARISHA: They have a monorail in
Zadash! MATT: He guides you underneath one of these
arches. LAURA: Does it look shady in there? I mean, are
there people in there? MATT: Yeah, there are people wandering through.
It's just where one of the streets turns off to it. It sounded a lot shadier when he presented it
than it was, but it's more just like a brief respite from where people are walking through and
occasionally you see a couple crownsguard that come through passing. LIAM: This guy is good. TALIESIN: Forgive our friend, someone attempted to
mug us on the way into the city, he's still a bit sore. MATT: "Oh, that's all right" TRAVIS: He recovered from four arrows to the
chest. LAURA: Three actually because you got one. MARISHA: I did. LIAM: <i>Ja.</i> TRAVIS: My apologies. MATT: "That's impressive, Mighty Nein." He pulls
his hood back and he has this Benjamin Franklin skullet going on where there it's curly, wavy,
gray hair, but it's balding on top and he throws the cloak over one shoulder. "So now that you've
arrived. What's your business here? What can I help you with? What do you want to see? What can I
show you?" LAURA: Well we need to-- SAM: Sell some things? LAURA: We need to get to a blacksmith. Oh, we need
to go somewhere that'll buy expensive-y magic-y things and somewhere that'll buy junky, shitty
things. TALIESIN and LAURA: Antiques. MATT: "Both of those you can probably find in the
Pentamarket." LIAM: Penta-what now? MATT: "Pentamarket." LIAM: Pentamarket. Would the Pentamarket also have
the finest inks <i>und</i> parchment? MATT: "It would have probably some of the finer
inks, yes. The finest you could probably find there or in the Tri-Spires." LIAM: Tri-Spies? MATT: "Tri-Spires." LIAM: What about of arcane quality? MATT: "There are a few places you could go, yes.
Actually, if we're going towards the Pentamarket, your best luck there would be the Invulnerable
Vagrant. Yes." TRAVIS: The Invulnerable Vagrant? MATT: "Yes." TRAVIS: Excellent names in this place. LIAM: Also, I am a collector of rare tomes. I have
a great appreciation for literature. Where might I find the most-- TRAVIS: Nudie picture books! LIAM: --elaborate writings in the city? MATT: "That would probably be at the Archive. LIAM: The Archive? MATT: "Yes." LIAM: Could you give me a little more background?
That is a very common word. MATT: "The Archive of the Cobalt Soul here in the
city. It's a library that is maintained by a number of... believers. But as long as you're not
taking anything from within, and you have approved entry and are heavily watched within, for the most
part you can peruse the content of the interior." LIAM: That is excellent. Also, I'm a big reader.
Is there any place that has pulp fiction and shitty smut? MATT: "I mean, I'm sure there are, but I would not
bother myself with such base interests of reading." LIAM: Insight check. MATT: Make an insight check. LIAM: That is 23. LAURA: So many whispers! LIAM: My friend-- I take him by the
hands and say, You have given us a great welcome into this city. MATT: "My pleasure." LIAM: So eager to learn all about it. I take my
hands away, and he has two gold in his hand. Just know, I'm a big reader. MATT: "Then, perhaps, if you find your way somehow
into the Tri-Spires' southern quarter, somewhere in the vicinity of--" Let me look it up real fast.
Look at my own notes. LIAM: It worked! MATT: "On the southern side of the Silken Terrace,
you'll find a place known as Chastity's Nook. That may be where you'll find what you're looking for,
friend." LAURA: That was one of the names of the other
courtesans at the place my mom-- MARISHA: That's a good name for her, Chastity
Nook. Yeah, that's good. TALIESIN: We'll probably be staying at the Leaky
Tap. MATT: "The Leaky Tap, you say? Well, it's
affordable." TALIESIN: We're trying to keep a low profile. MATT: "Fair enough, fair enough. The Leaky Tap,
that'll be in the East Outersteads, actually. Bit of a rowdy clientele." TALIESIN: Perfect for me. MATT: "It's bawdy and fun." TALIESIN: Definitely perfect for me. Would you say
there's a reasonable bathhouse for someone who's-- LAURA: Stinky? TALIESIN: --and complicated, in the horns? MATT: "For your clientele--" TALIESIN: Somewhere I can take a nice bath in
peace. MATT: "That could be--" You guys are really-- TRAVIS: Yeah. Run us through it, Encyclopedia
Britannica. Give it to us. TALIESIN: Don't want to scare the locals too
much. MARISHA: Not yet. TRAVIS: Don't you? MATT: "The Steam's Respite." TALIESIN: That'll do it. LIAM: Caleb heard that. TALIESIN: I throw another gold at him. You are a
fount of information. MATT: "That's what I'm here for." LAURA: The Pillow Trove. Is that in the
Tri-Spires? MATT: "That is." He glances quickly over towards
Caleb. "You aren't planning to stay there, are you?" LAURA: Why? LIAM: We've heard good things. MATT: "They work for a certain clientele." TALIESIN: You can be frank. LAURA: What kind of clientele? MATT: "Those who live in the Tri-Spire or can
afford to stay at the-- Well, you're welcome to try." LAURA: Are they super snooty there? MATT: "You could say that, yes." LAURA: Do they not like you very much? MATT: "Not anymore." MARISHA: You used to be a regular? MATT: "I was a man about town, yes." MARISHA: Was? MATT: "Well, things change. Life changes. Partners
disappear with your business's goods and funds and leave you having to make a living showing people
around the city." MARISHA: That's telling, yeah. LAURA: That's awful. SAM: That does sound terrible. MATT: "It's very sad, I know. But anyway." MARISHA: What shop did you used to own? MATT: "We used to run a business that sold and
traded leathers, but I was ousted and I've been scraping by ever since." MARISHA: Are you a craftsman in the trade? MATT: "I was more of a business connection, if you
will. My partner was the crafter. I knew a few things I'd picked up throughout the years, but--" MARISHA: I mean, a businessman can sell anything,
right? Why don't you get back into it? You still have all those connections. MATT: "Put it this way. Strangely enough, I make
half as much with a quarter of the emphasis doing what I'm doing for you now." MARISHA: Fair. LAURA: Lot of people come through town? MATT: "A lot of people come through town." LIAM: Is it easy to work around the Empire here? MATT: "It can be. You can look for work. You can
head to the--" He points out here. This would be, "The Signet Wall, if you're more of a sellsword." MARISHA: The Signet Wall? MATT: "The Signet Wall. That's where the military
stays, and most of the Crownsguard are holed up." LAURA: Let's not go there. MARISHA: Do you know a good blacksmith? MATT: "The Pentamarket would be a place where you
could find. There is the Spark Hammer Smithing, that would be of aid to you. There's also
Packwearer's Provisions, but they're more of a smaller scale, smithing goods, tools, and such." TALIESIN: More of an antique collector. MARISHA: Maybe he'll want that helmet. LAURA: Okay. I think we learned a lot. MATT: "And, looking up at the sky, it appears the
sun has set, which means my purchased day is done. It's been an absolute pleasure." LAURA: Oh, but Ulysses, we like you so much! TALIESIN: We're looking forward to seeing you
again. To the inn! LAURA: Where do you stay? MATT: "Well, it appears that our business
transaction has come to an end. If you would like to rent another day, I'd be happy to answer your
questions." TRAVIS: Shittiest pay phone ever. SAM: Well, come see us at the Leaky Tap and maybe
we'll hire you tomorrow morning. LAURA: That's true! MATT: He leans forward to you with a closer look.
He goes, "Maybe." SAM: I have extreme syphilis. MATT: Make a deception check. SAM: One. MATT: The fact that that was your lie scares him
more than believing it could've ever done. He goes, "Very well. Enjoy your stay at the Leaky
Tap. I'll be on my way." He throws his hood up and darts back out into the rain. LAURA: Oh man, I liked him. I'm almost sad that we
didn't believe him at first. SAM: Was he trustworthy? TALIESIN: No. LIAM: I mean, no, he's not trustworthy, but we are
birds of a feather. TALIESIN: Don't trust trusting people, they're
just the worst. LAURA: He was trustworthy enough that he wasn't
going to, you know. TALIESIN: No, I have full faith in untrustworthy
people. LIAM: Yes, he was predictably a shit, just as we
are. LAURA: I forgot to ask him about bakeries, so I am
going to keep an eye out for them. SAM: I will aid her in that search. MATT: Okay. You guys are making your way towards
the East Outersteads? LAURA: Would we be passing through the Pentamarket
on the way to the Leaky Tavern? MATT: You'd have to curve around to do that. Do
you want to? MARISHA: Do things shut down in an hour here? MATT: You don't know. Well, you've been here. MARISHA: I've been here. MATT: You haven't spent a lot of time in Zadash.
In fact, probably the last thing you did before your family said, "Come home," was here. You know
it a little bit. You've been to the Pentamarket, you would be able to guide the rest of them
through the Pentamarket if you wanted to. MARISHA: Do I know that it stays? Do they keep
later hours? MATT: Yeah. Some of them do, some of them don't.
Some merchants prefer to use the night for revelry and spending some of what they made for the day.
Some know that those who drink and revel sometimes make poor choices in their purchases, so it can
vary. LAURA: We can sleep first and then get settled
into the Leaky Tap, and then sell our shit tomorrow. MARISHA: I'd like to say maybe selling our shit
now. That way it doesn't get robbed in the night. LAURA: Either way. TRAVIS: I'm inclined to agree, actually. The
longer we keep it out here, the more eyes will be on it. LAURA: All right. MARISHA: I think the Pentamarket's that way. I've
got a hunch. We can just slide by and see. Small detour. TRAVIS: Might be no one home. MATT: As you guys wander through the cold rain,
making your way, aside from you, perhaps, this is the largest city any of you have visited.
Comparable to Port Damali, but much taller. Damali was a little more spread out. This has
architecture and buildings that are designed to rise, and almost seem to curve when you're looking
up at it. In certain moments, if you're not careful, it can give a hint of vertigo, just at
the height of some of these structures. MARISHA: Like New York compared to L.A.? MATT: Yeah, that's a good way to put it.
Rexxentrum is still easily twice the size of this city. As you make your way outside of the
Pentamarket, and it's called this because central to Zadash, a number of the streets that bisect it
naturally carved a pentagonal shape and the interior between all these streets has since
become the center of most merchant business, and there's a bazaar set up in the center of that
penta-shape, where carts and tents and buildings are out there all day, every day. It's an open
market. As you're making your way through the rain, some of them are closing early. Some of them
are closing up because of the weather, and it's not going as well as most days would when it isn't
so freezing. You can see your breath escaping from you with each exhale. You ask around a bit. Make
an investigation check, as you're guiding the troupe. MARISHA: Okay. 13 plus four is 17. MATT: Easy enough. You ask around. You see a few
folks that seem to be locals, or at least who often find their way through this district. They
lead you over towards a large building of stained wood and green-gold velvet hanging on the outside.
The first thought is, that velvet's going to get ruined in this rain! As you approach the exterior
of it, the building is untouched. It is dry. You do glance up, and you can see, carved delicately
into a wood placard above the doors, which are currently closed, but little slips of glass in
each door reveal a warm, lit interior that's glowing from the inside out. It says, The
Invulnerable Vagrant. MARISHA: Caleb. I think this is going to be where
you're going to stock up on your incense and some other goodies. LIAM: Yes, yes. I won't be long. Excuse me. And I
just push in. TALIESIN: I'm going to find mulled wine. It's
cold, and I want to be warm. MARISHA: I'll join in that. LAURA: I want to try to sell the glaive here, if
it's magic. If they sell magical weapons at this place. MATT: Okay. Who's entering? TRAVIS: I'll go in, too. MARISHA: I'll wait back. SAM: I'll go in as well. MATT: You guys staying out? TALIESIN: We'll watch the cart and we're going to
take the cart to find some mulled wine. MATT: Okay. As you enter the interior of the
building, it's warm. It's very warm, and it's a nice change of pace. You immediately throw your
cloak back as the temperature shift causes you -- everyone but you, actually, you're pretty
comfortable in the cold-- to immediately throw your heavy layers back. On the immediate entry,
you can see there's lanterns all throughout the chamber that are hanging up above, flickering
candlelight, but they all flicker like there's wind when there's none. You also notice that all
of them are floating. They're little glass chambers that contain the candle and they're all
slowly gyrating, held in place. Inside the chamber you can see a long table that has a few small
books laid out. On a velvet raised platform there's a long blade, like a rapier of some kind.
It looks jeweled and gorgeous. In the back there appears to be a shelf with books and books and
books with a desk. You see three figures, two of which are facing away behind the desk. The one
that is closest to you turns around to make your appearance. You see a large, seven-foot tall
humanoid figure. Short, bushy, curly brown hair fros up a little bit. The body is very fine
grayish brown fur. And their nose is wide almost like a cow or a bull's nose across a human face.
The chin's a bit square and the physicality is hunched and there's just a big smile on the face. LIAM: I'm sorry. Yes. I've not been in this big
a city in a while. MATT: Make a nature check. LIAM: Yeah. 20. MATT: You have not encountered this folk before in
your travels. It's rare to see them ingrained in society this close. Firbolgs-- MARISHA and LAURA: Firbolgs? LIAM: Yeah, firbolgs. MATT: Yeah, they are usually a more nature-based,
free-spirited people that live more towards the mountains of the northern forests in the Greying
Wildlands and beyond. To see one here in society catches you off-guard, let alone one that's
dressed so well. You can see these long elegant robes of deep green and gold and this big smile on
his face as he spins around. "Yes. I'm happy to help you." LIAM: DM. Sorry. Before I engage in this. You say
I've never encountered these, but I've read a lot. MATT: Yeah. You know <i>of</i> them. LIAM: I know of them. This is my first encounter. MATT: Yeah. TRAVIS: Dive in. LIAM: Hello. Wow. Look at those horns. I'm so
sorry. You know, I have never-- Forget it. I am looking for-- I have been in the woods for so long, I'm so happy
to be in a metropolis again. I need ink. MATT: "Before we can get to that, I just have to
say you're, respectfully, terribly filthy. And this is an establishment that I have to insist
requires some more cleanliness." As he waves his hand in front of you, you watch as all the dirt on
your coat just begins to sift away. Your clothing becomes clean right up the front of you reaching
up towards your neck. The dirt begins to fleck away across your face. LIAM: I'm tilting. I'm arching my face. MATT: As you fight it, a moment passes and you see
before you for the first time since you've met, a sparkly clean Caleb. SAM: Caleb?! What have you done to him?! What have
you done to Caleb?! MATT: "Oh, you're just an excitable little friend
there, aren't you?" This giant hand goes down and pats you on the head. SAM: Ah! It's gentle. LIAM: I don't see. I have no idea. LAURA: Caleb, you're beautiful! MATT: At this point, the two other figures in the
back turn around and it's the same guy. LIAM and SAM: What?! MATT: There's two more of the same firbolg. The
same outfit. Same exact visual. They both go, "Hi!" "Hi." LIAM: Okay, this is a little off-putting. LAURA: I Invoke Duplicity. MATT: "Ho, ho, ho! Well, that's just impressive." LAURA: You're impressive! MATT: He reaches out and puts his hand out to
shake your hand. "What's your name?" LAURA: Jester. MATT: "And what's your name?" LAURA: Oh, that's Jester #2. MATT: It goes through her hand. LAURA: I know. I'm sorry about that. MATT: "Oh, that's an illusion. Okay. I'm Enchanter
Pumat Sol. And this--" "I am also Enchanter Pumat Sol." And the third one goes, "I myself am also
Enchanter Pumat Sol." LIAM: First question that I have for you, Pumats. MATT: "The fourth one's in the back." LIAM: Pumat Sol, is there one of you and this is
fun and games or you are--? MATT: "There's the prime Pumat Sol and the three
of us are what you would call magically manifested duplicates to aid in his work." LIAM: Understood. Well, I only came here for
business, so-- MATT: "Well! Welcome to the establishment: The
Invulnerable Vagrant greets all of you humbly." LIAM: I am finding it very hard to concentrate at
the moment, but I know that I need paper and the most expensive ink you have. MATT: "Oh, we have both of those things, come with
me." He turns around and you can see now as he turns around his head is about to smack into one
of these candles and he just-- knowing where it is. He's been so practiced, he just ducks under it
and continues walking toward the back. "He needs some--" "Oh I heard him." He turns around and
takes down a couple of inkwells and sets them in front. The other one is pulling out stacks of
paper and parchment and is stacking them up, and they set them there. "All right, so how much do
you need of how much of each?" LIAM: You know-- MARISHA: This guy's our new Gilmore, you guys! LIAM: I am not seducing this person. MATT: You say this now! LIAM: Touché! MARISHA: Five hundred hours later we're fighting
gods with him! LIAM: I need your most fine arcane ink and I also
need your finest paper. I need about 150 gold worth of materials. Is that too much to ask? MATT: "No, that's comparably, respectfully, a
paltry sum. We can get that paper to you. When you say ink, I have to specify: do you want ink that's
used in the ritualistic design and presentation of arcane symbols, scribes, and glyphs? Or you
looking for ink that itself is actually enchanted for various uses and manifestation?" LIAM: No. I pull two scrolls out of my pack. I
have these. I found them in my journeys and I want to make them a part of my repertoire. MATT: "Oh, that's some wizard stuff. Okay, we can
do that." (laughter) MATT: He goes ahead and they muster the paper and
ink that will easily be utilized for scribing. LIAM: Matt, I love you so much. (laughter) TALIESIN: So glad we're not really outside, we're
only physically outside. We get to be at the table, and it's so nice! TRAVIS: Enchanter Pumat Sol, do you have any
health potions we might be able to acquire from you? MATT: "We have a few in stock, actually. You want
to--" and he's like "I'm already on it." Then he turns around and pulls out a large, eight vial
collecting case that he sets on the table. "That's one there. And there's another. We've got a
variety of vials at your disposal, so let us know what you're looking for." TRAVIS: How much would a greater healing potion
run me? MATT: "That? Let's see here. That would put you
back about 200 gold pieces for a single vial." TRAVIS: How about one of the more basic healing
potions? MATT: "A general?" TRAVIS: A general, yes. MATT: "That'll put you at a simple 50 gold
pieces." TRAVIS: I'll take one of those. MATT: "It would be my pleasure, Mr. Green Man." SAM: I think I'll buy-- MATT: "What's your name, by the way?" TRAVIS: Fjord. MATT: "Fjord. Pleasure to meet you." TRAVIS: Nice to meet you. MATT: "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to disrespect your
invitation there. What's your name?" SAM: I'm Nott! I'm just Nott! Hi! Nice to meet
you! MATT: "Nice to meet you." SAM: You're large! MATT: "You're small." SAM: Can I have one? I'll have two of those
potions, if you don't mind. MATT: "Of course." SAM: Is there a discount for two? MATT: Make a persuasion check. SAM: That would be zero. (laughter) MATT: "I'm sorry, but this is a business. No
discounts, but we're happy to sell for the price of 50 gold apiece." SAM: All right, I'll take two." MATT: "All righty, thank you very much." LAURA: Enchanter Purvon-- Permansol? MATT: "Pumat Sol." LAURA: Pooman Sol. SAM: Pumat. LAURA: Pumat Sol. TALIESIN: It's like "Poor Matt's soul." LAURA and MARISHA: Poor Matt's soul! MARISHA: It feels very meta. LAURA: Do you guys deal in magical weapons here? MATT: "We deal with all sorts of enchanted items."
He turns as one of the other guys over there goes, "I've got it. We have all manner of objects that
we've crafted, enchanted, and designed." LAURA: Would you like to buy this? MATT: "Oh, are you looking to sell or trade?" LAURA: It depends on how much you want to pay for
it. MATT: "Well, let's go ahead and clear off." He
takes the vials off the counter and they set a space, and the three of them sit around. You hear
this voice behind this thick curtain go, "Is anybody able to help me here for a minute?" "Right
there. The two of you, continue this." One of them goes in the back room to help the fourth one. LAURA: Does the fourth one look just like you? MARISHA: There's a fourth? LAURA: Yeah, there's four of them. MARISHA: I thought there was three. MATT: "That's Pumat Prime. He's the real guy. But
anyway, let's have a look at this." You put down the glaive, you said? "This isn't too bad." Hand
me the item card. LAURA: Fleshrender. LIAM: Meanwhile, I take every gold piece I have in
a little sack, plus 20 silver, which is exactly 150, and I am out of money. MATT: With that, they happily pass over to you
your purchased parchment and ink. TRAVIS: How much is that glaive worth? MATT: "This is pretty well made for being such a
ghastly-looking design. I think it could easily use some fine gold gilding, maybe some extra
polishing. Put some ribbons on it and this thing would be a great ceremonial piece. The manticore
spines I think are a little garish, personally, but if you're looking to sell, we could give this
to you for about 300 gold." LIAM: Insight check. MATT: Go for it. LIAM: That is a 17. ALL: Ooh! SAM: What are you insighting? LAURA: To see if he's-- MARISHA: Giving a good deal. LIAM: I looked at the paper, motherfucker. TALIESIN: (whispering) I'm going to kill you. MARISHA: (whispering) Seven days. LAURA: I feel like this guy's a good guy. SAM: You just died. LIAM: Yeah, I have to make a new character, guys,
I'm sorry. LAURA: What do you think, Caleb? LIAM: I think that he's just dealing with used
items. LAURA: I don't know what that means. LIAM: You could work him for a little bit, not a
lot. MATT: "Mind you, if we're doing it for trade,
prices can be a little more in your favor, but understand, I'm a business for profit." LAURA: You said it needs a little decoration. I
take the ribbon off my horn and I wrap it around the handle and I tie it on. What about now? MATT: "That's adorable. And I'm not going to lie,
I like it better." (laughter) MATT: "302 gold. But for trade, I'll probably be
able to muster a little more. What are you looking for?" LAURA: We are looking for something that can hold
a lot of doughnuts in it, and also maybe some other things that are heavy. MATT: "Let me have a look here and see what we can
muster. You're looking for something that could-- you traveling type? Is that right?" SAM: Yes. Like a briefcase of carrying. MATT: "A briefcase of carrying?" SAM: A backpack of-- TRAVIS: A knapsack of-- LIAM: A short case of-- TALIESIN: A clutch of objects. MARISHA: A handbag of endless bottom. LIAM: A cheat code, if you will. MATT: "I'll tell you what. If you give me this
here majestic weapon, with the ribbon included, and an additional 200 gold pieces on top of that
trade, I can just go ahead--" and the other guy who's wandered away goes, "We can take this here
fantastic haversack off the wall and make it yours. LAURA: Is this fantastic haversack-- MARISHA: A Bag of Holding? MATT: "Let me show you." He sets it down, and it's
this-- MARISHA: Is he beating us at our own game? MATT: It's a backpack with a bunch of various
pouches and things that are latched onto it. There's two side pouches on it beyond the big
central one. He opens it up, takes the glaive, and, "Watch this!" and it disappears into it. He
reaches in, pulls the glaive out. LAURA: Whoa. That's pretty cool. SAM: That looks like the thing that we need. MATT: It sticks in there. The big, central pouch.
He goes, "The side ones don't carry as much, but the central side of it does manage to carry about
eight cubic feet of material in an extra-dimensional space to call it whenever you
require it. Two cubic feet for both of the side pouches. I enchanted it. Well, he enchanted it. We
sell it." LAURA: If we make this deal, does it come with a
regular healing potion inside of it, maybe? MATT: Make a persuasion check. MARISHA: Regular potion, regular potion. LIAM: Come on, La. SAM: I mean, that's cocked a little bit. LAURA: It is a little cocked, but barely cocked.
Ten. MATT: "I appreciate your gusto. Were perhaps we
had more of a business relationship together, I would consider such a deal, but as this is the
first real transaction and time in which we have encountered you and your band of once-filthy
travelers, I'm going to have to decline." TRAVIS: Jester, Wand of Smiles. What about for the
wand, too? LAURA: I really like it. SAM: It's a good wand. It's a good stick. LAURA: It is a real good stick. I'm going to keep
it. TRAVIS: You might need a good laugh. TALIESIN: I can think of uses for that. I'm not
here, goddamn it. SAM: We need that sack! LIAM: Jester. Shits and giggles or utility, is the
question here. LAURA: Utility here, I'm buying this sack for all
of us here. SAM: We need this sack to keep our stuff in it. LIAM: You have enough gold to cover it? LAURA: Of course. And don't worry, once my mom
sends me my care package, we'll have thousands upon thousands of gold. MATT: "So is that a deal?" LAURA: 200 gold for this beautiful bag. But! I
feel like it could be a little prettier. Is there anything you can do to make it prettier for us? MATT: "Give me just a moment." He turns around and
disappears behind the curtain and you hear some talking. Some (inaudible conversation). Another
one emerges from behind the curtain who has this leather band on his head with this large
magnifying-type tool hanging in front of him with this big smile on his face. He has these thick
leather gloves that have a bunch of runes on them. He goes, "I'm sorry, I was summoned to make
something prettier?" LAURA: I'd really like, you know, pretty. I'm
going to be carrying it, I'd like it to match my outfit. MATT: "What's your favorite color?" LAURA: Pink! MATT: (Arcane incantation) He finishes and he
watches the haversack suddenly shimmers past, and the dull, general, brown leather turns to a
bright, vibrant pink. LAURA: Ah! It's beautiful! 200 gold, here you go. MATT: You hand it to the one guy, who accepts it.
"All right, good. I hope you enjoy it. I'm going to get back to work. Keep it up, me." He goes in
the back room. He takes the glaive off. The other guy says, "All right, thank you very much. Any
other business you require?" LAURA: Nope. SAM: You need some pastries, but we'd need
somewhere else. LAURA: We'll go somewhere else for that. I doubt
you guys sell pastries. MATT: "There's plenty of vendors. With the raining
outside and so late, probably hard to find pastries tonight, but fresh in the morning, just
let your nose carry you around. The Pentamarket has plenty." TRAVIS: I will take one extra of those potions.
It's such a good deal. Here's another 50 gold. MATT: "It would be my pleasure." TRAVIS: Thanks. LAURA: Do you know what's the blacksmith, if the--
where did I write it, it disappeared-- the Spark Hammer Smithing would still be open right now, or
are they going to be closed? MATT: "They're probably still working. You can
maybe convince them to take a conversation." LAURA: Okie dokie. Thank you so much. MATT: "No worries. Just listen for the clanging
and the sparks. All right, if that's all, I wish you all adieu, come back any time. We're happy to
sell, buy, trade, and generally help out anyone who has money." LAURA: Man, I want to learn that trick real bad. SAM: Which trick? Oh, the pink-ify? LAURA: No, where you make real versions of
yourself that you get to hang out with! TRAVIS: Thank you for your time. MATT: "It's my pleasure." TALIESIN: Did we find mulled wine? Did we find a
wine vendor? MATT: Oh yeah. No, especially with it so cold
outside, you can see there were two different carts that had small, pot-heated, basic alcohol
and ciders. TALIESIN: If there were any little confectionaries
with that too, we would have bought whatever they had left. MARISHA: We buy pastries for Jester. LIAM: Also, where in the year are we in relation
to Winter's Crest? MATT: Winter's Crest is actually only celebrated
in Tal'Dorei. It does not have cultural significance here in Wildemount. I believe you are
three to four months out from it. I'll have to check the calendar. You guys are just now cresting
into the beginning of fall. LIAM: Okay. Good. MATT: As you guys step outside, you are
immediately met by Beauregard and Molly, who have come back with some small wooden cups filled with
heated, steaming mulled wine and a small care package of baked goods. Which would mark you guys
off at about, I'd say total of six silver for the bunch. TALIESIN: I got it. SAM: I need the tarts. LAURA: Why do you need them? I like them. SAM: I cast spells with them. I need just a
couple. LAURA: But I like to eat them. SAM: Okay, but I need them. TALIESIN: We bought enough for everybody. SAM: I'll take two. LIAM: (Napoleon Dynamite voice) Jester,
give me your tarts! LAURA: How many tarts do I have? MATT: How many did you buy? MARISHA: A solid baker's dozen. LAURA: Then we all eat them. MARISHA and TALIESIN: I have one. MATT: You may have to come back and buy more tarts
in the morning. MARISHA: If you want one. Do you want one? No,
Fjord's good. LAURA: I have six left. That's okay, I have six
left. TALIESIN: They're really bright and garish. Really
good. LIAM: Red velvet. It's good. LAURA: Can we say we go and try to sell some of
this stuff, or do you guys want to do this next time? MATT: I was going to say, because you guys got to
get going pretty soon. What we can do is we can say at this point in the evening, it looks like
the blacksmithy is currently closed off to any sort of wares-selling. They're in the process of
creation. You can hear the banging, but upon knocking, they don't stop their stride of whatever
sort of work they're doing inside with the anvil. The rain begins to let up a little bit. It's still
sprinkling, but at least the heavy downpour has subsided a bit. You make your way through the
slushy mud pits that the streets have become, weaving your way between horses and various wagons
being pulled through, individuals that are hooded and bundled making their way around. Eventually
discovering the outskirts of the Leaky Tap. As you guys step into the warm interior, pulling your
hoods back, we'll pick up on that next week. We've got these guys have way too early flights to go to
this convention tomorrow. LIAM: What time of day is it as we arrive at the
Leaky Tap? MATT: It's about an hour and a half past dusk. LAURA: Thank you guys for getting pastries for all
of us. That was so sweet. SAM: Those men were incredible. The Canadians. TALIESIN: It's the stuff they serve at the German
Christmas markets. There's pastry and mulled wine everywhere. TRAVIS: He is instantly at the top. LIAM: Where did those cow men come from, Matt? TRAVIS: The facial configuration, too. LIAM: Where does firbolg come from? MARISHA: One of my favorites. MATT: Just world building. Probably fever dream
while I'm working on this stuff. TRAVIS: I wish there was more of me. MARISHA: Nyquil does some weird shit. MATT: (Pumat Sol voice) Just come back and try and
buy and trade for more things. You know where to find them. TRAVIS: Fuck, so good. LIAM: (Pumat Sol voice) Just been writing campaign
lore for too long. MATT: Awesome. Thank you, guys. We'll pick it up
next week from that point, now that you've finally found your way to Zadash. This sprawling city.
Thank you guys so much for being patient. Thank you for watching, I hope you enjoyed the show. Go
visit these guys at Emerald City Comic Con if you have the opportunity. Isn't Khary there as well,
yeah? You can go say hi to Shakäste himself. LAURA: There's so many people there. It's going to
be so much fun. LIAM: Swamp Khary Payton with CR love. Swamp him. MATT: As we do with every guest. Give him the
Critter hug. Yeah guys, have a wonderful week, rest up, and is it Thursday yet? Good night. [music]
