The Facts of Life | Pilot | Rough Housing | Season 1 Episode 1 Full Episode | The Norman Lear Effect

[Music] [Music] the facts of life [Music] okay ah girls girls we can't take all morning we got to get these decorations to the harvest fair before there's a change of season you're scared look who's here mr drummond you're early good oh well we missed you besides my two boys have never seen a harvest fair never been to a harvest fair willis how did you know when it was autumn and new york is easy the mugger's just warmer scared it was tough catching the pig he's a great looking field runner should i load him on the bus oh you know what you ought to do dump him in the tub first he's got ring around the collar all over oh hi what are you doing in a girls school i was gonna ask you the same thing oh your first date cindy just your time you'd probably go for taller pigs blaire where's my little arnold oh he'll be right along he sent us on ahead to see if the coast was clear it's okay arnold darnington girl's in here [Music] [Applause] you lied to me we're not brothers anymore from now on we're distant cousins oh come here arnold now what's the sudden aversion to girls you caught my whole life son don't worry arnold in a few years you'll think of women as being necessities if that's true my future looks bleak well arnold girls aren't so bad they grow on you because get the real reason that we came up early was to try to talk you into coming back yeah don't you miss living with us oh sure wouldn't milan perkins miss his wild kingdom oh arnold you're so darling give me a break please ah come on loosen that barn old girls don't bite well i know girls don't bite it's just that girls like to kiss and you take your life in your hands with the ones that wear braces you don't have to worry about me arnold i don't like kissing either i'm into sports hey this one's almost human you wouldn't pull my leg would you why not you could use a few inches [Applause] kimberly let's all go to the hotel and change for the fair fine [Music] don't move i want to forget you just the way you are come mr garrett this house mother thing isn't permanently temporary is it oh no i'll be back i promise it's good because we've been having a rough time yeah ever since you left everything's upside down in topsy-turvy i think i've been wearing arnold's underwear well that'll keep you on your toes [Laughter] come on you guys tug of war practice time we got to get on the ball before we get our brains knocked in listen slugger some of us want to talk about the dance now come on now you just plant your foot right here would you mind not pawing me you are strange there's nothing strange about her it's her job cindy is captain of the games committee yes well some of us girls are interested in what happens after her silly games the dance and the boys something super jock wouldn't know about how would you like me to fix it so you could breathe through your ears all right girls girls this is a school for young ladies not a training camp for the roller derby don't worry i have more important things on my mind like greg hockney greg hockney oh he's a real hunk mrs garrett come quick the pig is loose on the bus oh don't get so excited judy he can't drive a stick shift morning girls here i am the only headmaster that makes house calls how are you girls we are women okay mr badly sorry molly i keep forgetting you're a woman this is my first year at eastland and my first harvest fair so be gentle i'll be depending heavily on miss mahoney to show me the ropes she's an old pro i don't mean she's an old pro i mean she's been around oh no i don't mean she's been around i mean she's been around the school for a long long time well not not that long hardly more than a girl mr bradley i'm not coy about my age i don't care who knows it i'm 32 years old 32 wow so that's what it looks like natalie at 32 a woman is in her full prime and it's not as far away as you girls may think some of you are about to burgeon into womanhood i thought all of us were virgins can we stay later at the dance this year what's the curfew nancy you know the curfew 10 o'clock no i'm glad you brought that up it is saturday and i think we should relax the rules change the rules that have made this school's reputation for 54 years i didn't say change just bend them a little all rules don't always apply to uh today's woman i'm going to dispense with the 10 o'clock curfew and make it 11 30. mr bradley once we make a rule at eastland we stick to it do you know what that means yes you have sticky rules change tonight's curfew to 11 40. mr bradley i know that you come from the public school system but eastland is a private school with its own private rules good then keep them private girls change that to 11 50. you can let them stay until 11 50. i'm in bed by 11 50. perfect they can tuck you in when they come home from the dance now we'll talk about something really important who is going to represent eastland at the inter-school harvest queen contest well since i am the reigning harvest queen for two years in a row naturally i'll be in the contest ready oh count me out nobody's judging me on my cleavage i guess molly speaks for everyone not for me i nominate cindy cindy cindy's great the best athlete in school at least that'll keep it from being a total flesh parade come on cindy oh hi mrs garrett mr bradley guess what mrs garrett cindy's gonna run against blair for harvest queen super now we're gonna have an honest-to-goodness race but really i can't i don't even own a party dress you can wear the one my sister gave me i grew out of it before i grew into it it happens to the best of us deer well i think i'll go thread up the sewing machine alterations on me all right now cindy can i put your name down well wait a minute uh terrific okay gals girls i mean women i'm to the fair suanne i've got another problem i don't know what to do at a dance oh that's a cinch lesson one try to seem flattered when the nerd asks you to dance yeah say gosh thanks nerd don't say anything just grab them and remember cindy you're supposed to be the girl try not to lean oh come on let's go upstairs and teach her some steps i've got some great down and summer records great come on uh suanne thanks a lot for nominating me i love you come on cindy what's wrong with you what do you mean paul is touching and hugging girls and i love you boy are you strange what didn't mean anything i'll just bet you better think about what you mean a couple of tucks here and there cindy's going to be one foxy lady at the dance tonight what are you going to wear nothing when do you arrive i don't want to miss it i meant nothing special i have no one to impress oh hey don't you have a date tonight no i'm going with mr bradley we are both chaperoning the dance oh and who's chaperoning the two of you don't make me titter me fall for a man who could sack and burn every tradition we have the attila the hun of eastland it sounds like you really like him you called him hun you may find humor in this but after what he did to our curfew today nothing that happens here could surprise me can i hide in here why sure honey what's the matter what ain't the man there i was girl still left me girls to the right of me patting poking pinching any dents in my cheeks no permanent damage you look darling that's what the girl said when they dress me up as elmo fudd the farmer it's a curse to be darling come in ah there you are no cell sister don't look for no action here i'm gonna have to talk to your child good cause i'm gone mrs garrett cindy's dropped out of the queen's race she's locked herself in a room and she won't talk to anyone oh dear i better go up to her go away i don't want to talk to anyone i'm a little chocolate cupcake and i got no place to go oh just in time i was about to do my imitation of a glass of milk i'm not hungry and thanks but i don't need that dress what you mean you're you're gonna go to the harvest ball like that i mean who ever heard of queens and jeans now you know they need a real girl for harvest queen mrs garrett look at me i like football jerseys and pants there's nothing about me that's feminine now what on earth do you mean by that see this dress isn't me i'm not blair i'd much rather have a baseball glove the good pocket yeah but that doesn't prove anything you know even blair would love baseball if gucci came out with a catcher's mitt nothing would make blaire like baseball and she was right about me write about what about me hugging and touching girls all the time not caring about boys mrs garrett maybe blair is right maybe i'm not normal [Applause] oh you sure have built one heck of a pocket in this glove you know just because blair said something thoughtless and insensitive doesn't mean that you have to let it knock you for a loop yeah well how many girls are built like a boy and think only about sport well none that i can think of except for billie jean king nadja coma nietzsche wilma rudolph okay i get the idea all right and as far as looking like a boy when i was growing up on our farm in wisconsin they used to use me for beanpole yeah well only for one summer then that little time clock inside my body took over just like yours will and i started to get curvier and curvier and curvier [Music] well my time clock just isn't working i'm 14 already and i don't even like guys now why do you think you don't like guys they make me nervous i know i know they used to make me nervous too and once in a while they still do well maybe blair is right i don't feel nervous around girls you know me i'm always hugging and all that junk i got to stop that don't you dare up here at the school these girls are your family there's nothing wrong with hugging and touching it shows that you're a loving person and that's good the only people who will tell you it's wrong are the ones who can't reach out and do it themselves i'd make somebody a great brother you know maybe if you'd shake me real hard that'd get my time clock going don't worry about your time clock it'll start ticking when it's ready i promise you that's the way my mother explained it to me well my mom had my dad explain it he told me that sex was like a big garden and each person was like a flower and when you love someone you have to put fertilizer on them anyway i think the time clock sounds better all right let's see how terrific you're gonna look in this dress oh cindy you look beautiful i don't think it looks so great now who are you gonna believe you or the mirror i don't know but i'll tell you one thing if blair ever says i don't look feminine again i'm just gonna have to punch her out all right hey you wanna go downstairs and tell her that oh no i'm never talking to blair again unless she apologizes but she'll never do that cindy never say never oh by the way i'll give you a tip on uh how to be feminine get rid of that little white mustache you look like arnold sanders see you later [Applause] hello man in the room everybody decent yes hi mr bradley oh hello blair how did i look oh perfect just button the top button there is no top button put one on and button it what does i hear about cindy not running for queen do you know anything about that not really we had a little tip ah oh mrs garrett mr bradley i'm going to have a little talk with cindy oh yes i'm fairly skilled at this sort of thing uh it may sound silly but in college i was known as the sigmund freud of sigma chi oh not that silly i thought i'd have a little man-to-man talk with cindy no not man-to-man i mean man to girl to woman relax mr bradley she worked it out all by herself oh that's too bad i mean that's not too bad it's good but it's too bad i didn't talk to her i could have cleared everything up well don't worry it's all cleared up now well glad i could be of help oh yes thank you very much mr bradley what do you think mrs garrett wow now i know you might think it's cut a bit low and the eye shadow a bit heavy but this is the look that's selling oh no no no i think it's just right for you blaire after all you're the expert on tricks to attract men i guess so oh golly i bet you could have any man you wanted yeah probably and i bet you have where'd you hear something like that oh no it's pretty obvious you've been around no i haven't been i don't do those kind of things oh come on the way you get yourself up you're so sophisticated you smoke and you talk a good game [Music] that's just talk honest well you know what they say if you're advertising you must be selling i'm not that kind of girl you can ask any guy i've dated i'm a tease a tease why oh boy oh boy you're sure gonna fool me you just can't jump to conclusions about people that way that's right it's all just appearances isn't it blair and you're absolutely right about jumping to conclusions i'm sure cindy would agree with you cindy it seems you jumped to a conclusion about her but you've seen her mrs garrett she looks more like a boy than a girl ah appearances you mean like what you just thought about me hmm okay i shouldn't have made that crack about her being strange that was the crack i didn't mean it i i just said it mm-hmm i should apologize hmm one piece of advice the sooner the better you mean now now is definitely sooner i'll help you send it yes mrs garrett uh cindy i'm the one that wanted to see you yeah what about look uh i'm gonna do something that i've never done before in my life and i'm i'm not gonna be very good at it i apologize i was really rotten because someone who could admit they're rotten really isn't now i want you to run against me for harvest queen because the truth is you could give me a real battle now how about it woman against woman well since you put it that way [Applause] hi mrs garrett hi hi yang hey al i saw you at the dance a couple times and you look so happy i figured the girls must have left you alone no he found himself a woman who didn't pinch him or tickle him or squeeze him all she did was stuff him yep that's my girl she just waltz me over to the barbecue chicken and she disco me over to the banana cream pie and don't forget the tango to the turkey tetrazzini well mr garrett you've had a little time to think about it please won't you come back yes i will just as soon as they find a decent replacement for me here in the meantime i promise to send you a care package once a week mrs garrett oh cindy oh excuse me i forgot all about the harvest queen i was busy i had to leave early and get all the stuff out cindy oh cindy did you win no it was a clean sweep for blair she won the crown and she also won greg hockney yes whoever said it was lonely at the top was looking up from the bottom congratulations dear didn't cindy tell you she was first runner-up corn maiden of the harvest oh that's terrific cindy yeah it was really nice but something much more important happened to me what's that well there i was just sitting there staring at greg hockney and guess what your time clock started tick-tock tick-tock yeah but much faster and the best thing of all was greg winked at me he what [Applause] [Music] [Music] the time is right to learn the facts of life [Music] when [Music] you

Channel: The Norman Lear Effect

Views: 290,485

Keywords: The Norman Lear Effect, Norman Lear, Norman Lear Show, The Jeffersons, All In The Family, Maude, Good Times, Sanford and Son, The Facts of Life Best Moments, The Facts Of Life Season 1, Season 1, Rough Housing, The Facts Of Life Norman Lear, Mrs. Garrett, Emily Mahoney, Mr. Drummond, Arnold Jackson, Charlotte Rae, Conrad Bain, Gary Coleman, The Facts Of Life, Diff'rent Strokes Spin Off, The Facts of Life Pilot, Molly Ringwald, Full Episode, The Facts of Life Full Episode

Id: CWZw5oZ8tJE

Length: 23min 19sec (1399 seconds)

Published: Fri Apr 01 2022