The diagnosis that explains my entire life...

adhd attention deficit hyperactivity disorder or alternatively known as ud head claimed by me and the reason why i'm calling it ed hood is because it's time to reclaim the narrative of what having adhd is because every day you have some bimbo gimbal using mental health disorders as adjectives oh my god i'm so ocd i need to wash my hands before i eat oh my god i'm so bipolar i have two different fashion styles oh my god i'm so depressed i have uncontrollable diarrhea okay that one i just made up but people i feel like use mental health disorders as literally as it is as describing words and i feel like it therefore loses importance when we discuss it in a in a very significant way like we're going to do today so my web introduction hi guys it's been a while my name is ibrahim mohammed i go by ipsum online and very recently i was diagnosed with adhd and it's been a very um long process traumatic process so what is adhd from what i remember from my psychology degree years ago adhd is a chronic neurodevelopmental disorder so brain structure and brain activity vary significantly from those who have adhd and those who do not have adhd in terms of brain development so there's been studies that have found that the size of the brain is smaller with those who have adhd and those who do not have adhd and specifically the frontal lobe this part here when it comes to brain activity the main discourse is that there's two neurotransmitters that's dopamine and norepinephrine and these two transmitters are at an imbalance so the network that carries those neurotransmitters it's not really going to stimulate the right parts of the brain and so when it comes to things like the frontal lobe it's either not getting enough getting too much or there's an imbalance of those neurotransmitters that affect the way the frontal lobe works now for those who have any kind of background in psychology you know that the frontal lobe usually deals with something called executive functions and that is the main aspect which is that those who have adhd cannot really perform or i'll say perform to a lesser extent or have difficulty performing executive functions than those who do not have adhd what are executive functions so there's a variety of different diagrams that i'll include here and here this can be things such as impulse control emotional control planning organizing working memory there's a few diagrams that do suggest different things but the majority are the same and essentially those who have adhd struggle to perform executive functioning tasks as those who do not have adhd now of course this is a wide spectrum not everybody who was diagnosed with adhd will experience the same symptoms and there's different variations of adhd as well currently there are three different types of adhd that you could be diagnosed with one is the adhd inattentive one is the adhd impulsive and the other is the adhd combined which is what i was diagnosed with very recently and the reason why i say that these are currently what you can be diagnosed is because listen this is a changing uh is discipline people are finding out new things every single day who knows i could be wrong and this could be the result of gonorrhea gingivitis calvin 19 and h pylori god feminine it could be a combination of all those things so maybe what i said is correct maybe it's all just wrong and it could just be someone doing voodoo and black magic on you now in terms of identifying and experiencing adhd symptoms now the symptoms are a result of the brain developmental or brain activity disorder so for example if you look at the diagram we know that one aspect of executive functioning that could be impaired is being organized and planning your time so a lot of those who have adhd they tend to be quite time blind is that ableist and they tend to be quite time [Music] to the extent that they don't really know how to organize time so they're usually late even though they know they need to be on time they're not lazy they don't need to wake up they know they will set their alarm they will make sure that they spent an hour getting ready but still despite all of that there are times when they are still late that's a symptom as a result of the brain developmental disorder so when you experience symptoms you have to really analyze them and think is this because of the fact that i just don't want to go because i just want to put it off as much as i can or is it because i'm actually trying i know it's important but my brain just doesn't allow me to do it the sentence you're experiencing had to have started during your childhood because this is a developmental disorder so you develop it during your childhood and for some people it can go it can wean out it can minimize but for some of us it stays for me i was like why had mine gotten worse but i'll explain that later on in the video so it has to have been there since childhood it has to have impacted your life in various situations usually more than two so for example your work your education your social life for me it was everything and beyond and even impacting my dreams the symptoms that you're experiencing shouldn't be explained better with a different disorder so for example if you're experiencing time blindness is it because you are depressed or is it because you have adhd in a very simplified version that is what adhd or udhead is i implore you to do your own research there's a bunch of youtube videos out there that explain it probably better than i do and fyi whenever i make jokes about white people i am never talking about her oh i'm never talking about hey brains listen i have a whole new look on life with this diagnosis so we'll discuss adhd further along the channel i will also say that i am going to start a patreon account i will be doing things like adhd hangouts adhd q a's i also want to invite my patrons to have me on my close friend's account on instagram i don't want to put things on public just yet it's because it's still new i'm still processing i'm still trying to research the community so let me just build like a little safe environment first and then i'll start exploring like doing a lot of things publicly i'm still very new to this so please support me on patreon if you can if you can't i mean there's some ice coming up in this video so i am going to explain to you now about my diagnosis how i got a diagnosis why i got a diagnosis when and what treatment i'm on and before i do i am going to have an ad break now listen listen listen listen listen i know i do for the time but i hate to have an outbreak because i went private and the bills associated with getting a diagnosis for urdu no no seriousness the gatekeeping and the economic hurdle of getting a diagnosis for a disorder that impacts my everyday life has been crazy i'll explain to you more but please i'm gonna have a number right now let's give the ad so that i can make the money that i spent because it was a lot okay love you guys so much i'm not going to show you my experience about getting a diagnosis some important things you need to remember or know about me if you're new is i grew up in a very poor family very dysfunctional family school was not a priority i didn't like secondary school i got bullied every single day didn't do well in gcses but then i felt like my life kind of started when i moved to a different school and then i started a level it's important to note that i have always been busy i've always worked i've always had a part-time job i've always done this i've always done that there's been a lot that i do until the pandemic so it was the pandemic that made me realize that i could potentially have adhd during the first lockdown when i was doing the gdl the law conversion course and also during the second and third lockdown when i was in oxford doing my master's course the first lockdown was so intense i was living in a studio and it was literally four walls i didn't have to leave because there was a studio here i didn't know any of my neighbors and i was in there for about five months i couldn't focus on anything i lost so much motivation as did so many of us but i couldn't even do basic tasks i couldn't like get out of bed at times i couldn't brush my teeth at times i just i couldn't do anything i had a lot on my mind and you know i needed to study but i just was was sad and i thought well it's it's depression even when it came to things like you know not doing invoices not editing youtube videos not revising i literally thought it was depression due to a pandemic and so many people are going through this experience so i didn't really pay too much attention to it then when i went to oxford for my masters i was awarded two scholarships this means that for the first time in my life i remember saying this to my friends i didn't have to have a part-time job while i was studying i didn't even have to do youtube because i feel like through what i thought was depression i needed a bit of a break so for one year i wasn't working i wasn't going out i had so much free time and i said to my friends i'm going to get a distinction because for the first time i can just focus on studying but very quickly did i start to lose focus and there were times i was like okay i have an essay to do that's in maybe a month i don't have any other commitments let me just study and focus i remember exactly where i was and i also was trying to film study with me the whole pomodoro pomegranate polyamorous pythagoras method and i couldn't focus on the article in front of me and i was okay let's read and my brain just wouldn't let me read and the only way to describe it was imagine there was like okay this is this is a bit kinky but i wasn't saying imagine there's like a chain pulling my neck but anyways imagine that there's just some psychological block what is this it's not adhd why because like i've done school i've done uni i've gotten enough grades but it was something so then i spoke to the smartest person i know he is a medicine student at cambridge he just graduated now and this guy martial are ranked number one up everyone in cambridge but anyways i spoke to him on the phone and i was like can you help me like try to figure out what this is and so the route i went to before considering it was adhd was trying to eliminate everything else so what does that include well am i depressed is it my trauma be it through childhood maybe for the lockdown what is it i need to adjust this so the first thing i did was when i went to oxford i signed up for counseling and i did quite a few cbt sessions i also was trying to be quite self-reflective keeping myself away from social media and just trying to process emotions and trauma and maybe if it was depression this could help me and then i can start focusing better number two was it just physical burnout was i just tired because i went through a lot well this is why i stopped doing the youtube stuff i thought let me give myself time to relax my friend also recommended checking my thyroid levels went to the gp did a blood test they said my thyroid was fine but my vitamin d levels were very very low and they could trace this back to the first lockdown because apparently during lockdown a lot of people had low vitamin d levels because you weren't going out as much so i had extremely low vitamin d so i was put on like really really strong supplements that are only prescribed i had that for six weeks and then for like maybe half a year i was taking vitamin d supplements every single day and the strong ones the hotter than barrier unit ones not those not the freaking i don't know wilkinson brand so i basically was like maybe so indeed my friend then also said to me how is your sleep because if you have like really poor sleep for example you snore this is my biggest security that's okay my friends will tell you unfortunately that um i'm a bit of a snorer and with the weight gain that i've also as you can tell i've like put on that also can exacerbate like sleep apnea so i waited a few months with the nhs and i did a sleep apnea test and that revealed while there was you know some snoring going on it wasn't to the extent that like you needed a massive machine so then i started actually losing weight because that was recommended i started going gym i started eating healthy things were still not working and that's when i decided to contact my gp so this is now i want to say march of 2021. i contacted my gp at oxford and i told him that i'm concerned i have adhd symptoms he sent me this questionnaire to do now here's the here's the t i'm telling people that i have i have a problem struggling with performing executive functions and then i'm given a task which is to complete a questionnaire which requires your executive functioning did i give this question in did i actually just did i get this questionnaire or is have i still not sent it it took me a very long time i think maybe like six weeks to send such a simple thing back this is my advice if you are seeking a diagnosis get one of your friends to hold you accountable to stand with you every single day to be like have you done it have you done it have you done it because it really took me that long and when i was explaining my symptoms to some of my friends immediately this is what everyone said some of my best friends who i still obviously loved in this day you don't have adhd you went to oxford and cambridge that was the first thing that everybody said secondly it could be that you're just self-destructive you know who you are ashfaq holds up your room's a mess you're self-destructive i sent back the forms of the questionnaire from my gp he then told me that there is approximately a two-year waiting list at this point i was like let me see if i could go private and all i kept seeing were fees of 1.2 1.3 1.5 k and i was like maybe i don't have adhd maybe it just is a locked down thing maybe i'm just tired from this masters maybe that's what it is i just need a break maybe i don't care there was a time you guys i'm talking about submit this i literally submitted my essay like five hours late i was like yo okay i'm going to bed i'll do all this later i literally lost interest and i knew that the impact was your grade would be reduced by five percent by mitchell was like i'm tired i was like i'm tired i'm depressed i'm not gonna come here and i'm alive myself just for this degree i literally let it be late all the other essays i literally left like two two days before it was submitted i would do all-nighters to submit it on the deadline however i was still getting decent grades when it came to doing presentations because i was doing a lot of talks at the time i was doing my presentations on powerpoint and i was leaving things last minute when it comes to the presentations your charisma is amazing you are so funny you are so energetic that's great you know you did go overboard with time there were a few spelling mistakes but it's fine because of my charisma i do enough to pass and look good but in terms of my own achievements i know i struggled with this i know i left it late and i get so mad at myself because i'm tired and i'm here doing the same thing recognizing the same pattern over again and again and i know it's important i know that i have to do this on time i have to stick to a deadline but i can't my brain doesn't let me and i think my brain doesn't let me because it's me i'm lazy i'm stupid i burn out i start to then overthink and develop anxiety that i think is an anxiety disorder that i have this is what i go through during every single deadline i have and it sucks and i end up feeling [ __ ] about myself because i know i'm capable i know i have what it takes but i just can't turn on and i didn't know why i became like my biggest supporter to them becoming my biggest critique and how would i deal with like feeling [ __ ] i would eat and hence my weight my weight gain which then exasperates like other things snoring not getting good sleep like high blood pressure levels and then that stresses me then i'm in a cycle and then there was an experience that made me think i don't have adhd maybe i'm just lazy and that was that in the end of the academic year i was doing a vacation scheme i was basically doing an internship for a law firm and the internship was for a corporate law firm i had to work non-stop and in the back of my mind i was thinking like if i have adhd or if i have depression or if i have some form of mental block i'm gonna flop this vacation scheme from the first day i was working non-stop i was so impressed with how productive i was i was like able to turn up everything and just focus on this vacation scheme because i knew that there was a really big like reward at the end of it it was going to be a job to work at a law firm that i kind of at the time really liked i was working it was two weeks i was working monday tuesday wednesday thursday friday i even did an all-nighter on one of my back schemes and i was like how do i have adhd of course i don't look at how hard i'm working we were given an assignment that i had to do some prep work for i give myself a deadline and it happened again i couldn't focus i was getting distracted my brain wouldn't turn on and i was like you need to submit this this is a vacation scheme at the end turn on and i felt so mad at myself because how did i start and and i went so good and then i ended it on such a bad note because my brain just wouldn't turn on then i decided i need a break so now it's september 2021 i finished my master's at oxford and i'm going to be working for the human rights legal organization doing some amazing projects i'm only working three days a week and the other two days were supposed to be dedicated towards trying to do youtube it happens again i'm working from home i'm sat at my desk and i can't start i need to do a research report i need to do case law investigate so i can submit this to my supervisor at the time and i can't start he doesn't give me harsh deadlines which might have been an issue and then two weeks later he's like i need it by tonight and there i am doing everything that night and i give him a report and yep it's good enough it's okay but it doesn't like justify the fact that for the past two weeks i couldn't even start it and i'm there procrastinating because i can't start it and i don't know if i should do anything else because i shouldn't i feel guilty i should just work on it but i can't work on it and it's the exact same thing the exact same thing i filmed a bunch of youtube videos for you guys and i couldn't edit them i couldn't bring myself to just to just do something so that's when i'm like i need to now take this adhd diagnosis seriously i'm now going to explain to you the process of getting a private diagnosis but before i do we're going to take an ad break because like i said like i said you guys the money the money i'll see you guys very shortly thank you i contacted a new gp because i've left oxford and now in london i now do another questionnaire with my local gp through the nhs system and he tells me you're most likely gonna hear back in two years for some reason i'm hopeful i'm like you know what maybe i'll hear back in six months maybe someone will cancel you never know and in the meantime while i'm waiting to hear back i'm researching adhd and i'm researching symptoms i'm watching youtube videos like this hearing other people's stories and i'm like oh my god it clicks i also experienced that the idea that throughout my whole entire education i study at night because for me that's where i feel most comfortable but actually it's because i get easily distracted during the day but i don't want to also trick myself into thinking i have adhd when maybe i don't i don't want to have a self-fulfilling prophecy it's now the end of november 2021 and i've heard back from the gp that i've been forwarded to the mental health clinic and i need to submit more forms so i submit the forms to the mental health clinic and they say you'll hear back within a month to have an appointment i said a month i thought these times i was waiting two years a month alhamdulillah this is perfect i go on holiday i go to thailand in my best life and in the meantime i'm applying to study for the lpc which is law school i'll do a whole video about this but for now all you need to know is that in january 2022 i was enrolled to do a six to nine month accelerated lpc legal practice course and masters okay i said to myself that i would get a diagnosis before i started that but i thought oh they're going to reply to me in a month i have enough time also maybe i don't have adhd and i need to get on with doing the lpc anyways so i come back from thailand it's now december and i get a call saying yep we've received your application we need six weeks to investigate it before we forward you the details to a psychiatrist so i'm frustrated but i'm like it's been passed on to now from the gp to the mental health clinic to a psychiatrist unit i just need six weeks that's it i can do six weeks of the lpc the whole thing is six to nine months so i do the lpc the adhd symptoms were there were still there and it wasn't going great six weeks have passed i've now finished my first time exams i called the adhd psychiatrist clinic i'm like it's been six weeks can i hear back and they say sorry it's not six weeks it's actually six months and there's a three month delay so it's nine months so at this point i'm so fed up with taking the nhs route remember that friend i was telling you about the really smart one who was helping me i reached out to him again and i was like can you please help me and collate like a document with just different psychiatrists units you know please and i do it one by one and i'm calling each one and i'm hearing 1 500 1 600 but we only have appointments in three months four months they're full until 2025 or something like that i call one more psychiatrist unit called seek psychiatry yes i will link them down below i speak to jess and she tells me we charge 500 pounds for the initial diagnosis that includes doing a questionnaire doing some forms speaking to a psychologist and then speaking to a psychiatrist there is a possibility that the psychiatrist might not have enough data and so there will be a follow-up interview but that interview won't cost the same they may have changed their policy i'll link everything down below you can look into it and i was like okay well when did you have next availability and she was like will we do it on a rolling basis so we have availability in the next two weeks in the next two weeks there was a slight catch which is that you need to have someone who knows you from childhood to be at your diagnosis like interview and i didn't really know anyone because my family who i grew up with i'm not close to them they probably don't even know what i was like as a child they probably don't know me now so i can't invite a parent or a sibling so i'm like what do you like what do i do and i think for a few days and then i realized well i have one of my childhood friends jimmy who i've known since i was so young and i called the psychiatrist i said can i bring her down like yep you can i do the forms so this is now the third time i'm doing the forms i wait a week in a bit to hear back from the psychologist a week later i have my psychologist appointment and then give or take another week later i have my psychiatrist appointment during the psychologist appointment i'm speaking to someone over zoom internet said it roughly i'm not gonna lie from their side but we do speak and the questions are very general you know going through a list of as a child do you know if you have these symptoms yes or no to what extent something beyond those lines it's very like closed-ended questions and if i'm honest with you probably could just do it online but i think it gives a psychologist training for their routine to psychiatry so it was fine i then have my psychiatrist appointment and i'm nervous and i'm really really nervous i'm like scared there's so much like coming down to this one thing and i'm like do i even want to know if i have adhd do i want to have it i don't think i do because then it just means wow i'm really like i'm actually just damaged goods i get asked a lot of questions and i could see you know we're trying to assess whether i'm depressed we're trying to assess maybe anxiety disorder to see if number one could my symptoms be explained through a different disorder the second thing we do is assess my childhood to see if the symptoms had occurred since childhood the third thing we did was assess if my adhd symptoms were impacting me in different environments at the workplace school personal life and i explained yeah and it was a very thought-provoking conversation i had to think back to my childhood and i was like yeah i actually was someone who was quite fidgety i actually was someone who like was constantly on the go in fact i've been on the go throughout my whole entire life it was only until i didn't have to work and make money to pay for food to pay for stationery to pay for books when i was in oxford that i actually was able to really assess if i had adhd because a really like a really long deep conversation and i had to think back a lot and think oh my god so much of my life can be explained through an adhd diagnosis so much timeline is being late not uploading videos on time not even uploading videos not editing videos saying to you guys i have so many things planned but not doing it going to university and have so many things planned not being able to perform the tasks and finishing it through starting essays late doing bad on my dissertation in my final year making impulsive decisions that sometimes have caused me financial trouble so many things so many things and i'm like on the verge of tears at that point my psychiatrist kind of smartly said to me it's clear that you are starting to show signs of anxiety and depression but it's not clinical what it is is it's a result of the undiagnosed adhd throughout your entire life that can lead to so many issues and that is literally what i've experienced for such a long time and then he diagnosed me with combined type at first i just needed some time to process it and then we had a follow-up appointment in about three weeks to discuss the possibility of medication what i will say now about medication is i'm not going to discuss it in depth because this is so new to me and i don't want to share positive or negative experiences when i've just when i've just started it myself we'll talk about this another time and you don't even need to have medication if you don't want to for me the pros of taking the medication outweighs the cons of living life with adhd where i'm trying to progress in a capitalist society so i've decided to take medication but again i'll share my experience later now it's august 2022 i finished the majority of the lpc and i will do a whole video about adhd and studying where i'm at now is i've been diagnosed i want to take the next six months maybe even 10 or a year just to process everything process that i am neurodivergent i want to do more research i want to learn myself better i also need so much self-love i have been my biggest supporter but recently my biggest hater but to conclude i am relieved that i have adhd i don't think i'm proud just yet but you know me you know what it was most like give me two days i'll be like adhd team team nhd team badminton adhd that is what i wanted to share with you because it does explain the past year of why i haven't really been able to upload or not in the past year just my whole journey on youtube and my uploading habits that is me for now this has been a therapy session i knew i needed this i knew once i split the camera and put it on youtube i would feel like so much weight off my shoulders that is it for me you guys thank you so much for this therapy session if you are struggling with adhd like symptoms i wish you so much luck and love and light i'm not a psychiatrist so i can't answer anything but i will link a bunch of resources down below and i hope that whatever outcome you get god gives you peace with that i'll see you guys very soon make sure you follow me on my socials because i want to be back this will be the perfect test to see if the adhd diagnosis and adhd medication it works because this is this is this is like something i love this is something that i have been doing for so long but i've lost it it's come and gone thank you guys so much for watching this take care and god bless

Channel: Ibz Mo

Views: 26,204

Keywords: Cambridge, University, London, England, Oxbridge, Student, A levels, Revision, Advice, Oxford, Vlogger, Education, Degree

Id: hbb3ezJLZRI

Length: 32min 22sec (1942 seconds)

Published: Wed Aug 10 2022