Narcissist or Dark Empath?

foreign I'm here with clinical psychologists and narcissism expert Dr Romney Dr Romney when is the first time that you heard of the phrase dark empath I heard it for the few seconds it's a few years back and I think the term's been floating around for a while I think some of it relates to the whole issue around um you know we hear people talking about like the dark Triad and the dark tetrad and sort of the dark empath and there's you know people talk about different kinds of empathy right and I think that this was capturing people who had a certain kind of empathy structure because there's cognitive empathy there's emotional empathy there's compassionate empathy right and they're they serve different functions but then this idea that people could have cognitive empathy but not have those other forms of empathy that got constructed into this idea of the dark empath understood so when we talk about dark empaths are we talking about narcissists yeah I think we're slapping another label on narcissism here I really really do and when I've read it and I'm like I'm struggling a little with the difference maybe the one difference that jumps out at me is that the that the dark empath is not the attention validation seeking which is sort of almost a requirement in narcissism dark empath may not have that element so if you're using that construct purely the dark empath you may not may not have that attention-seeking peace in it but everything else feels like narcissism and I think the Fallout of such a relationship with a dark empath would be the same as we'd see in any narcissistically abusive relationship what do you mean there there are different types of empathies cognitive versus emotional empathy for example so cognitive empathy is is understanding a person's emotions right so like I understand that this person feels really angry because their husband cheated on them I understand that this person feels really resentful because somebody who wasn't as good as them got promoted right it's a getting it right understand you look at a movie you don't know these people so you understand why they did what they did in a way it's almost not only under understanding feelings maybe even understanding motivations but it is it's like a kind of a getting it it's a very intellectual kind of approach to empathy and the problem with cognitive empathy to me is for too many people it sort of passes for empathy right to me it's just it's intellectual right and I think people fall for well they said they get how I feel like I now like show me how that that's gotta be backed up with some emotion and that's where we get into emotional empathy which is really sort of entering a feeling space like oh my gosh like I I feel so sad right now you know I I feel they're so sad and I I want to be there and I I it's it's more identifying with the emotion it's the it's the not only just getting it but really identifying you and when we have emotional empathy we calibrate to that so if we were laughing and yucking it up and then we are encountered with somebody who's going through something difficult our emotional state calibrates to that as well we meet them where they're at we talk about compassionate empathy now it gets translated into action oh my gosh I've you're going through so much I I am so sad I'm so sorry can I get your kids from school tomorrow what can I do to help out here you know you sit and you listen even though you are busier than you've ever been in your life you actually stay on the phone for the hour with your friend instead of saying wow that sounds really sad I'm so sad I gotta go right that's in your so if so that the the three can work in lockstep like I hear it I get it I feel it and I'm going to act in accordance with it with a compassionate gesture whatever that may be that's sort of the holistic approach to empathy our problem is a person with cognitive empathy at best that's empathy liked you know it's just sort of like okay you're acknowledging this but this is not changing your emotional state this is not changing your behavior it's just sort of an acknowledgment that I'm feeling something and then you're kind of moving on it's the person who's in the face of cognitive empathy may not even have the may not get the benefits of sort of experiencing empathy which often is a very soothing space it's kind of like a okay um so and yet to the outside Observer they'll say well they said they understood how you feel I know yeah that makes perfect sense I think I I relate to a lot of those things personally as both the recipient of the empathy or lack thereof and also the provider of empathy or lack thereof so when it comes to a dark empath and a narcissist where what does their behavior look like when they start showcasing any type of cognitive or emotional empathy if that ever occurs so when the narcissistic people are actually pretty good at cognitive empathy and that's why they're so confusing right because they in fact the cognitive empathy it's a little bit of a weaponizing right they'll actually really lean in they'll hear about you and say wow it must have been really hard to have such an angry parent you know and they'll and you'll say wow they're getting me like they see how angry oh yeah so yeah tell me more about that so you tell them you tell them you tell them about what it's like to golly you might that must have been a really rough childhood and your like empathy for sure empathy there it's the dark empath uses cognitive empathy almost as a tool to get Intel now they're learning about you because you think you're getting empathy right you know you don't see that it's almost like there's something almost surgically precise about how the conversations happening right and then this is where this is what makes the dark empath in some ways the dark this is the dark part of the empath is that they then down the line we'll say something like well you're just like that crazy family you're from aren't you you see so now they've taken that so and I've said this on Med circle before love is protecting and guarding the vulnerabilities of the person you care about so when someone's shared with you a vulnerability the family and the pain you'd never bring that out in an argument dark empath will do that all day all night because it's a way to control you and now you're devastated you're feeling vulnerable and now they're coming at you about how there's something wrong with their families now there's something wrong with you it feels plausible and a person is now in an incredibly vulnerable position in that relationship if you know to look for it the colors will change the colors will change I but you've said so many times people live in that first moment and they go no he was he was empathic he asked he said that must have been really hard for you isn't that empathy he did but what else happened it's cognitive empathy right it's cognitive empathy and Mike I'm not going to not use that term because they are recognizing an emotion right yeah they're seeing it they're identifying it they're recognizing it but there doesn't seem to be again that emotional response to it and certainly not that compassionate response yeah do people who would be considered a dark empath are do they have a higher EQ than an average person it's an interesting question I think in a way people who are dark empaths do have pretty solid EQ because they have the capacity to read a person using that really powerful portal of empathy so they're able to be present they're they're they're emotionally intelligent enough to read the emotion correctly that must have been really hard you must have felt betrayed you know so they label the emotion and when our emotion is sort of given the right name by another person we feel very supported right so just they're calling it the right thing they may not be present in their feeling and you may not see the shift in their feeling but they're calling it the right thing and so I think there's a definite emotional intelligence of that because there's an awareness of someone's experience of what that would be like and what that would feel like and they and they lay it out so I think that that's actually quite emotionally intelligent and this is why though dark empaths narcissistic people are viewed as somewhat emotionally intelligent and frankly in business settings cognitive empathy works really well because a per they'll say like okay we've read this and they almost look at things like data like okay right our clients are feeling really unsatisfied I see this there's a lot of this and then they create a strategy around that that's a great example of something a dark empath could do quite well final thoughts on dark empaths don't date them it's a you know and ideally don't work for them dark empaths are tricky right they are the um they are the the poisonous snake that has the same markings as a non-poisonous snake Ah that's you know it's it's a dangerous camouflage and I think that what we all do is we accept empathy light and we take it as the real thing and not understanding that that emotional and compassionate piece of it that's the money shot and so that that cognitive empathy that ability to identify an emotion and then do nothing about it politicians do it all the time right like I can feel your pain really then do something about it and so that cognitive empathy is really what we see in Business Leaders politicians folks like that and you can imagine that's hurtful enough I'm in your own home it feels terrible and can often lead to people feeling gaslighted because everyone's like well they're they're saying they know you're sad and so then people say oh but there's nothing in their behavior or how their countenance and how they conduct themselves that show that they actually really feel this with me the other thing you might get from a dark empath it's almost like they identify your emotion and say like aren't we done with this like is this feeling done and so you'll see this for example in situations like grief grief happens on a very personal schedule and so let's say somebody they'll say wow that must have been hard you're whatever your family member passed away that are you okay that seems really hard the person's still struggling after three months a person who only has cognitive but not emotional empathy would say something like we're not done with this yet this whole sad thing and so they identified it but to them it's like come on let's just keep things moving mm-hmm another very eye-opening Dr Romney very eye-opening and if you're watching this and you think there's somebody in your life who could use this information this is a video to share that was very well said Dr Romney of course thank you so much and thank you for watching Remember whatever you're going through you got this [Music]

Channel: MedCircle

Views: 770,270

Keywords: dark empath, narcissist, dr ramani, empathy, sociopath, psychopath, sociopaths, psychopaths, narcissism, empath, dark triad, machiavellianism, personality disorder, personality, disorders, signs, dark psychology, psychology facts, medcircle, dr. ramani, kyle kittleson, mental health, mental illness, psychologist, video, interview, discussion, podcast, youtube, the dark empath, dark empathy, dark empath traits, signs of dark empath, dark empaths, dark empath explained, dark empath personality

Id: n4tY9CPvr8Y

Length: 11min 20sec (680 seconds)

Published: Fri Sep 23 2022