The Dangers of Oversharing

we hear so much about the difficulties caused by those who can't be intimate who seem incapable of disclosing anything of what they genuinely feel it can take time to register the opposite but no less grave problem those who cannot keep enough of themselves to themselves those whose hunger for closeness overwhelms their concern for their own safety those who will in a poignant bid to hold others attention lay out within minutes of a new encounter secrets that they would have been wiser to take to the Grave this isn't to deny the fun that oversharers can bring to social life these won't be the types talking about the economic contraction or where they last went on holiday contact with other humans should be about getting to the marrow of things they believe which is why we will quickly get to hear about their ex's sexual difficulty The Vicious row they had about their mother's will exactly how much they earn the troubles they have with their digestion their favorite bedroom position and the nature of an early childhood trauma the difficulty lies in the toll these divulgences impose on oversharers themselves an evening of entertainment is too often followed by a shame ridden Awakening now that the laughter is dissipated they may feel as though they were seized by an Impulse with which they don't identify an urge to invite invite others into their deep self without the strength to impose the bearest of checks on who they might be a painful developmental story tends to lie behind the compulsion we share too much when we've been too lonely we fail to understand the risks of overexposure when we have suffered in environments in which so little sincere or real was ever exchange we rush to confess because no one showed us a steady composed route to intimacy to the isolated former Child no alarm sounds at the thought of having an unbarred conversation with a character who entered the room 20 minutes ago such as the promise and lure of togetherness such has been the burden of secrecy we might with time make our peace with remaining somewhat more mysterious we might more judiciously weigh up the benefits of a sugar rush of disclosure against the slower satisfactions of safety we might tell very few people indeed what's going on for us in love with our health or with work not because we want to be unkind or boring but because our first priority has become to look after ourselves we don't have to answer too many intrusive questions nor as importantly do we need to ask them it isn't we can learn any reason to panic if we're still talking about what someone did over the weekend or their favorite kind of gloves after the first course we don't have to feel boring for ending up in many a boring conversation we aren't dull at heart we're just calmly working out in a process that could take months or years whether we've stumbled on one of those very rare characters who truly deserve to hear from the deepest parts of us

Channel: The School of Life

Views: 378,516

Keywords: the school of life, schooloflife, education, relationships, alain de botton, philosophy, big questions, love, psychology, oversharing, social media, boundaries, privacy, mental health, communication, self-awareness, self-love, personal growth, how to set boundaries, the importance of privacy, emotional vulnerability, building healthy relationships, tmi (too much information), online safety, social anxiety, self-disclosure, how oversharing can hurt you, overcoming social anxiety

Id: xukDLGItLOM

Length: 3min 19sec (199 seconds)

Published: Wed May 29 2024