The Danger of Anger

some people or is it some circumstance do you think about all of your anger is sin and is it possible to be angry and not know it and so what do you do with anger when you feel those angry feelings well that's what i'm going to talk about in this message entitled the danger of anger and i want you to turn if you will to ephesians chapter 4 and paul made some very strong statements in a very short moment in this fourth chapter beginning with verse 30 and through verse 32 and i want to use this as our basis today for this whole issue of the danger of anger so beginning in verse 30 of the fourth chapter of ephesians here's what paul says do not grieve the holy spirit of god by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption let all bitterness and i wrath and anger and clamor and slam to be put away from you along with all malice and be kind to one another tenderhearted forgiving each other just as god in christ also has forgiven you now that's a strong word about forgiveness and a strong word about anger he says we're just to put it away from us put it away all wrath and anger and claremont slam to be put away from you with all malice being kind to one another tenderhearted forgiving each other and the probably the most two important words are just as god in christ has forgiven us well i want us to look at this whole issue of anger because it is far more dangerous than we realize because anger is dangerous it is dangerous to us physically spiritually emotionally mentally anger is a danger and somebody says well what is anger anyway well anger is that feeling of sudden and strong dysplasia and antagonism that is directed against a cause that we assume has brought us wrong has been wronged some wrong done against us or some injury that you and i have suffered so we assume it's not always true but we can assume that it's true a strong displeasure strong feeling of antagonism we get angry we have these feelings we want to do something in return so when you think about anger let's think about it this way for a moment as we think about the whole nature of it and that's this there are some benefits to anger so let's begin with that there are some benefits for example anger is so like a headache it is an indication that something on the inside is not right it is also a feeling an emotion that can catapult us that can move us out of our apathy that can get us moving into life and sometimes it can be used to accomplish and achieve things otherwise we would not because we've sort of settled down then something happens we get angry at the way we're acting the way we're living the way we're responding and so sometimes something very good can come out of it and the bible says it certainly is not all a sin look if you in the 26th verse of this same chapter and notice what paul says he says be angry and yet do not sin do not let the sun go down on your anger and do not give the devil an opportunity so it's very clear in the bible that all anger is not sin though usually we think when we become angry well i've sinned against god it depends upon the nature of that which we'll talk about in just a moment and it's very clear from the scripture that all anger could not be sin because if you'll go to the third chapter of mark and here jesus is dealing with the pharisees and the sadducees and he is about to heal someone on the sabbath day and he knows that they're looking at him with a great disdain and so when you look at this passage and listen to what the scripture says about what jesus said he said to the man with a withered hand rise and come forward and he said to them is it lawful on the sabbath to do good or to do harm to save a life or to kill but they kept silent because they wanted to accuse him then here's what the scripture says and after looking around at them with anger grieved at their hardness of heart he said to the man stretch at your hand and he stretched out his hand and his hand was restored so the bible says that jesus experienced anger so we go back to what paul said in ephesians here and he said be angry and yet do not let the sun go down on your anger that is deal with it immediately that is don't go to bed at night angry he does not say anywhere in the scripture do not be angry period he says do not be angry and sin don't let it pass the nightfall he says before the night comes he says you and i are to deal with it now we know that always back in the beginning of the scriptures in the first family in the bible what happened cain became angry and god said to him you know what what are you angry about and so we see the result of uncontrolled anger in the very first family it caused the death of his brother uncontrolled anger is a very dangerous form of anger anger that is controlled is also very dangerous and so when you and i think about the kinds of anger there are i want us to think about it because oftentimes people don't consider the fact that there are different types of anger and first of all there is rage rage is uncontrolled anger rage is an outburst of this feeling of aggression or this feeling of great displeasure and antagonism towards someone or some situation a circumstance that you believe or feel that has caused you some hurt or some injury it is an explosion it's open warfare there's no defense that is just let it all blow out just let it happen and oftentimes that person says i can't help it or they will say well that's just the way god made me and he didn't when they say i can't help it yes they can they say that's just the way i am god didn't make them that way and they can change and so all the excuses whatever they may be it is an outward explosion it's it's aggressive it's open warfare against somebody or some in some situation oftentimes the person may not even understand what they're angry about but this anger level has been there for a long time and it's grown and grown and growing sometimes it just gets deeper and deeper and deeper and deeper and finally that comes upon which there's an open explosion that's rage there is another form of anger that's more subtle could be in many ways more destructive and that's resentment now resentment is anger that has been repressed that is i may know it's there or may not even be sure it's there or not understand what i'm feeling but you just suppress it you push it down i will not deal with it i will not accept it i will not handle it you just push it down and you push it down and push it down and push it down and what happens is that oftentimes people live most of their life with repressed anger with a feeling of resentment something happened to them back yonder somewhere in life and so instead of dealing with it maybe they don't know how to deal with it instead of being willing to be honest and open about it and saying yes i am angry and i want to find out why they just keep shoving it down and shoving it down it's probably the most it's the most subtle and it's the most dangerous kind for this reason this is an open warfare this is sort of camouflage warfare this is the kind of subtlety that can be expressed in many ways which we'll talk about in a few moments probably the most dangerous because that person can act so well and smile on the outside do their job do the things that people expect of them but on the inside is the seething the seething anger that's poison that is affecting every single facet of their life and it's just there it may have been there for years and years and years and if it has been there for years it is the most dangerous kind because ultimately while it is taking its toll already it will probably express itself in some very damaging fashion rage is directed toward people and circumstances it's it can be devastating it is very deadly in its expression rage desires to hurt rage desires to bring pain so does resentment but in a different fashion it can be more subtle it can be passive aggression it can cause it can cause harm it can be destructive in ways that do not seem on the surface to be as a result of something this person did when ultimately that's the source of it so rage oftentimes we say well you know that's just not my kind of anger but ask yourself the question is there lying within you is there living within you is there seething within you is there existing within you this sense of anger this resentment toward somebody towards some circumstance towards something that happened back in your life maybe you have not even realized it was there you've just known that you don't have any peace you don't have any contentment there's no real joy and the truth is you have real difficulty loving someone or feeling loved in return i do not believe that a person who is living with resentment and hostility and anger in their life whether it's ever expressed in rage or not if it is resentment it is a very passive aggression on the inside how can you love someone who is who is genuinely full of resentment they cannot be they cannot feel your love they they can't experience it because anger bitterness and resentment just blocks it nor can a person who is full of resentment receive it they don't feel like they believe it you see their mind is so fragmented emotionally about the thing that's disturbing them or who they don't like or who they when they think has wronged them or the injured the pain they felt they can't receive it they want to but somehow they just can't experience it there's no peace there's no joy there's no happiness in a person who has an angry heart and so i want to say to you my friend that whoever you may be if you're angry towards someone and you say well you know well i have mine under control you may not have outburst of aggressive rage but if it's on the inside and you have not dealt with it that resentment is still there and if it's there here's one thing for certain it is poisoning your entire system you are being poisoned 24 hours a day as long as you allow that anger to express itself in small ways in significant ways maybe nobody else knows what you're thinking and what you're feeling but your mind knows and your body is feeling the effect of it so one form of anger is rage just these awful outbursts and we see the tragedy and the devastation the death and all the pain and suffering and heartache that seems to be so senseless from people like that but likewise those who live with resentment what ultimately happens when that resentment lies there long enough ultimately in some people's lives it will explode in outrage and express not something that happened today or yesterday or this person or that person but something that has been brewing and has been kindled and kept alive and the flame has been there for years and years and years well there's another form of anger and i want you to turn if you will another passage here in in the mark if you look at the view of the at the 10th chapter of mark and i want you to notice something here jesus said there's another form of anger and that is indignation uh what is indignation the 13th verse of the 10th chapter of marx says and they were bringing children to him so that he might touch them and the disciples rebuked them and when jesus saw this he was indignant and said to them permit the children to come to me do not hinder them for the kingdom of god belongs to such as these now in indignation is a form of anger that is based on listen it's based on genuine love it is the desire to help someone who is being wrong a desire to correct some wrong indignation is not an explosion of rage indignation is based on a whole different perspective and attitude and while rage and resentment are based on selfishness uh something that a person desires it is inner pain and inner suffering because what is done to them indignation is a righteous form of anger now this does not say and i've heard people say this when they've blown up and and expressed themselves and maybe i'd confront them they'd say well i was just being righteously indignant well my first question is well what were you indignant about well let me tell you what they did to me that is not indignation that is just pure old sinful anger that's what that is and so you can't just blow your stack and say well i was expressing righteous indignation what you have to ask is was that was that was that anger an expression of my love and concern for someone else who was being harmed or hurt in some fashion and so there is a difference and oftentimes people want to use that as an excuse now anger can be used to either blast away what's wrong which is indignation or it can be used to blast away what is right and good and so there are three forms you have to think about there is rage which is explosive this is open warfare against someone or some situation there is resentment which is subtle it's suppressed but it's still anger and ultimately it's going to have the same attitude of selfishness vengeance get even with no matter what it may be quiet it's sort of like guerrilla warfare so when you when you compare the two of them rage is like open warfare guerrilla warfare is resentment but it's still warfare against someone who has wronged us or hurt us or harmed us in some fashion very destructive very dangerous no matter what now when you think about the causes why are people angry why do why what causes people to be angry well one of the first things i think you and i could mention and one of the simplest is this and that is we don't get our way when some people don't get their way they get angry they don't stop to ask the question why is it best what's the will of god or what's his purpose and plan for my life is he in control they just don't get their weight they get angry so they do what little children do they throw a tantrum now when you and i were growing up and we didn't get our way we probably all did that until we got enough weapons that we finally figured out that was not the way to respond when somebody told us no but the tragedy in life is that many people grow up and they have these big physical bodies or are delightful beautiful bodies or whatever it might be they grow up to be physically adult but on the inside the little boy and the little girl is still there and when they don't get their way they throw a tantrum of some sort they express their anger and the truth is it's just selfishness going on and no matter what a psychologist may say the truth is it's pure sin that's amazing how many names we've changed from what the bible calls sin to something else but when i don't get my way and i get angry at the person of the circumstance i'm sinning against god that is not righteous indignation that's just pure sin as we said all anger is not sin but much of it is and probably the vast majority of it is just pure sin don't get our way for example a person feels rejected and a person who feels rejected they're going to be angry for example if you feel that someone whom you love rejects you your first response is hurt well hurt oftentimes is just pure anger and it because it's painful and you you you want the person they don't love you or they they don't want you and so you their end result is an emotion of anger or for example if you feel unloved by somebody and god has created all of us to love himself and to be loved by him and to love other people and to be loved by them and you think about all these children who are growing up who feel unloved is it any wonder that they're angry at their parents their parents work they feed them they clothe them or they give them a car or maybe they don't do any of those things and they neglect them they don't feel loved they don't feel kept they don't feel cared for it seems that their parents don't seem to care what they do they can watch all the television they want to watch just go to school make the best grades you can or get out as soon as you can get yourself a job so they don't feel wanted and so they're angry it is a natural normal response to feel angry when you feel unloved and rejected i didn't say it was right it didn't say it was good it didn't say it wasn't sinful but it's a natural normal response that our first impression is that why don't you love me am i not worth loving am i not worth caring for you brought me into this world you say you don't want me you don't care you want me to get out so naturally we're raising a whole generation of children whose rage has already begun to express itself and so we look to a generation ahead of us wondering how in the world will we be able to cope with a whole generation of people growing up who are living in the angry mode all of the time why because they came up into in a situation where anger was created and so therefore rejection is certainly one of the primary causes that a person has to deal with and then there is loss sometimes when a person and i can remember a member of our fellowship many many years ago who's gone on now to uh some other state and i remember because i thought a lot of this man and uh his little boy died at the age of about three he just worshipped that child well here's the fellow who taught sunday school and who was a fine man at a good job a well-paying job in fact he was very well-off somehow when god took his son he absolutely went into a a tail spin his anger toward god his anger toward other people his anger to the church his anger to admit it's like it's like he disputed everywhere he could possibly go he was angry then he got angry at himself and almost wrecked and ruined his life totaling his entire family he could not handle anger he did not know how to deal with it and so he just disputed at first but very short views very short it was resentment but suddenly it began to be this rage against god how could he be good how could god be righteous how could he be loving and do this to him as a father and so sometime it's loss sometimes it's loss of finances sometimes it's a loss of jobs sometimes it's of a loss of relationship whatever it might be but oftentimes that is the cause of anger if a person doesn't ought to deal with it then usually they bring hurt in someone else's life sometimes that cause may be the fact that a person feels threatened if a fir if a person feels threatened about losing their job or if they feel threatened by some danger if a person feels threatened in danger usually there is a sudden surge of strength and of adrenaline whether to run or to fight or whatever it might be that can be good but when that person is threatened now maybe their a sense of self-worth is threatened by feeling rejected or their job or their finances is threatened or they feel crowded you you push them in a call and they feel crowded what happens is they become angry they don't want to feel that way and so they have to deal with that i think about how people respond when situations and circumstances arise and maybe what they believe and let's say for example you're talking to somebody about the lord and you talk about god and you talk about how god has blessed you and how he can bless them and then you say when you receive jesus don't give me that don't don't give me that jesus bit suddenly there's anger when you bring up the very name of jesus christ they get upset you know why they feel threatened now remember this when you are secure in what you believe and you're insecure and you are secure about your relationship to god it doesn't make any names what somebody else believes their their unbelief is not gonna it's not gonna bring anger in your life because you're very secure about what you believe you see the reason those people get upset and the reason they get angry is because they're so insecure about their own relationship to this god whom they don't know because if they don't know jesus they don't know the god of the bible and so they get upset and they get angry don't mention politics and religion to me anymore well don't take it personal friends because it's their problem not yours and you and i should not get angry at them because they get angry at us then we just repeat the same old thing they're just expressing their insecurity they're expressing uh something on the inside you see if they're angry at god or they say well i'm angry at him because he's always bringing up religion or church or jesus that's not their problem that's not the problem that's what they think the problem is that's where they have directed their anger but that's not the problem and if you keep dealing with a person like that and you find that something back on in their life something happened back there somewhere they've blamed god they're angry at god now many people angry god don't even know it they think they're angry at other people and one of the devastating things is that people misdirect their anger and so one of the primary reasons is that they feel lost and they feel crowded they feel maybe some past experience in their life they were hurt they remember when they were hurt they were hurt by some parent back this is sexually abused or physically abused somewhere back yonder never been able to talk about it they cram it down shove it down suppress it repress it they're angry at their father or their mother angry because the way they've been treated but after all you know you're not supposed to be angry at your parents at least press it down and after all you can't be talking about your parents press it down and after all you're not since you're not supposed to do that you just don't talk about it you just forget it just push it aside and i've forgotten it listen you may forget but till you deal with anger it's like ever flowing poison in a person's system it's going to flow you cannot stop it you can't stop it by saying well i'm just going to forget it well you know everybody makes mistakes and uh so that's the end of that no it's not the end of it it's not the end of it until i pinpoint it and deal with it which we'll talk about in a moment so one of the primary reasons that people are angry is because of past things that have happened to them or it may be something past that they him themselves have done to themselves as a result of their own actions they're angry at themselves they don't like what they've done they can't get away they're haunted by it and so as a result they become angrier and angry and angry because they don't know how to deal with what's on the inside they can't reach they can't touch they can't they can't see it they don't know how to get it out and so granted that many people are angry and remain angry and live in that anger because they don't know how to deal with it they don't know what to do to face it oftentimes they're afraid it is a fearful thing my friend to face deep abiding anger because here's what you'll find anger is the root of many things and so oftentimes our actions our attitudes our words what we say the way we treat people is the result of this inner anger and so therefore when a person begins to open up and look inside to see what's going on it's absolutely frightening to them because when they when they see just the tip they know that's an iceberg and realizing it's an iceberg they think oh dear god if it's this bad just looking at this what will i have to say shut it up repress it suppress it forget it move on suppress it repress it forget it yes move on yes get away from it no eliminate its destructive force in your life no you cannot you have to deal with anger or it is going to bring destructive forces into your life so people you work with for example they just blow up over nothing or you can walk in on monday morning and you can look at them until they're angry you can you see you can't hide anger in a person's countenance you look in their eyes and if you learn how you look in someone's eyes you can tell they're angry or not you can check their accountants you can tell whether they're angry or not you can't hide anger you can't hide bitterness you can suppress it you can repress you can cover it up camouflage it but if they're angry before long you'll see it and before long you know what they're going to express it you cannot keep it down but so long and so it is a dangerous emotion a dangerous attitude to have and yet many people do as you have heard me say before you can drive up to the intersection and if you're the first car you sit down a friday afternoon about four o'clock or some other afternoon the traffic's heavy and you watch people in the right lane over here come through the intersection you watch i mean this angry feeling this is angry attitude and sometimes you you look at them and i want to think just relax or for example you're driving along and you're not going fast enough they blow the horn they pass you they give you some signal and what are they doing they're just flinging their fist in the air and talking to you as if you could him i think how foolish i can't hear you i can't feel what you're feeling i don't care what you're feeling it's not bothering me a bit in the world and you're going to have a wreck if you don't watch where you're going but you know what they're angry and this is why people this is why people can get so upset on the highway when i mean and they are blasting you away and all the winds are closing the air conditions on the motors going they're driving 80 miles an hour and cussing you out you know why it wasn't because you weren't going fast enough well it wasn't because they thought you cut in front of them they're angry at somebody else you happen to be the object at the moment and this is one of the devastating things about anger and that is where it gets expressed upon whom it gets expressed and oftentimes it is projected upon people who are absolutely totally innocent of what's going on and we have certainly seen that in these days innocent people devastated by someone's anger lingering anger that exploded on a certain condition and so anger is a very dangerous emotion doesn't have to be sin the bible says but so often times it is a sin now let's think about for a moment what are the lingering effects the bible says don't let the sun go down on your anger that is settle it before nightfall that's the issue not that sin not that all angers are sin but but we we will naturally get angry at things that happen to us when we are wronged or injured and we hear things that we know the absolutely not true false accusations there may be a moment of anger but certainly i do believe that the longer you not walk in the spirit the more it takes to get us angry we can say well you know lord heard that before or thank you father just want to thank you in jesus name that's their problem not mine and yet there are some things that oftentimes sting when we hear because we're so we we we feel so disappointed that people would do or act or they behave a certain way but so what are the lingering results there was if you don't sell it by nightfall what can you expect well immediately for example a person gets angry what happens pulse rate increases blood pressure can rise you've seen people get red in the face and you say gosh you almost exploded well that's exactly right blood pressure rises heart beats faster sometimes they get sweaty and you think well we're going to have a fight right here that voice changes their adrenaline begins to run that's something that happens instantly but then what about those lingering things anger can affect the person's digestive system respiratory system circulatory system every system in the body can be affected by anger people have strokes people have heart attacks you see anger isn't some little simple emotion that we can just pass off because when it reaches certain stages it has devastating effects upon a person's life and oftentimes because people are unwilling to deal with it naturally they're unwilling to be forgiving when you put those two together they usually go together you put those two together you have all kinds of divisiveness whether it's in a family whether it's among friends or that's in a church in your business whatever it might be your business partners if somebody is not willing to deal with anger that gets there becomes this unforgiving spirit between them and before long there's a breakup there's a dissension uh there there's a fraction there's fragmentation there's hurt there's pain there's suffering of all kinds because you see that's just that's just the consequence listen of anger that is undealt with another thing that happens another result of it is passive aggression what's passive aggression let's say for example that you're angry at your employer you don't think you made enough money you don't think they're treating you right they passed over you for this particular um this particular promotion so what happens you're ready to leave in the afternoon it's about 5 30 most people are gone and you notice there's a big leak over here in this water fountain and i mean it's it's in the floor and it's going right down to the next office it's going right to the next ceiling and you say you know what that's not my fault i didn't do it that's their problem they deserve it anyway so you're going home you say well no i didn't cause the leak no you didn't but why would you walk out why would you walk out without telling someone why would you not try in some fashion to prohibit that why wouldn't you try to correct it i'll tell you why because you have a level of resentment and it takes the form of passive aggression for example uh here is uh a man who is angry at his wife and so he knows the best way to deal with her is to express that just never show up on time for dinner she fix this wonderful dinner for him and he's always late and so what is he doing he's just passively expressing his anger oh he's not blowing up and he's not enraged but he's expressing it and you and i could go through a thousand different illustrations of how people are very passively aggressively expressing their anger children for example who are very smart very intelligent come home with poor grades you know why because they're very passively aggressively expressing their anger toward their parents or they know better they know better than to get on drugs they know about it what do they do they do something that expresses anger in a very passive aggressive form to their parents to cause hurt and pain to their parents there are all kinds of ways of expressing resentment and anger bitterness hostility all of these things and sometimes they can be seemingly so camouflaged so well but ultimately it's going to express itself and it's going to hurt somebody the person who expresses their anger is hurt and the person to whom or against whom they express it likewise is going to feel that hurt other people express in different ways they cannot handle their anger or the way they handle it the way they respond to it and the way for example they the lingering results of it is that they get depressed they just get depressed now i won't say this is always true because sometimes it can be a chemical reaction a person's life but probably most depression notice i said probably most depression is the result of unresolved conflicts anger in a person's heart so they get depressed and so the lingering results of anger is depression now what does that lead to well you go to the doctor what does he do he gives you some antidepressant and before long you get another antidepressant before long you're taking this and you're taking that you're taking the other and what you're doing is each time you do that you're just trying to cover up cover up cover up it helps you repress it that helps you suppress it that helps you in your denial and so what are they doing instead of dealing with s-i-n and counselors are just as guilty as the medical doctor in other words well here's what say well poor little old you well you have just been this that never and so forth and we're going to give you something to help you through this so you won't feel this instead of dealing with the source of the anger they attempt to cover it up with drugs or other people try to cover it up with alcohol other people go to the refrigerator when they get angry so they're just going to eat themselves to death and blame it on someone else or i'm going shopping i'll just go shopping that's what i'll do i'll get my mind off of this and so what do they do they go up they pull out their credit cards and what happens the reason they're in debt is not because they love all these things it's because they're expressing anger and their anger is expressed in this very very future fashion of buying this and buying that i want to tell you my friend there's not enough things in the world there are no things created in the world there's not enough of anything in the world to deal with your anger buying things and eating more and taking drugs and getting on alcohol and having affairs these none of these things are going to settle the key issue which is to face your anger but if you let it linger this is the way you'll respond you respond in all different kinds of ways and so some people just get hostile and so hostile you can't live with them and i would just simply say this about anger and that is when you're angry let me just remind you of two things don't do number one do not make important decisions when you're angry because you can't think accurately oh yes i can no you can't do not make important decisions when you're angry secondly don't make judgments against other people when you're angry because more than likely you're projecting something on them that has been done to you and you you are projecting on them what you think or what you may feel remember we said an assumed wrong that has been done to you so two things you don't do you don't make important decisions when you're angry you say but suppose i'm at a deadline and i have to make a decision then friend cool off and deal with your anger before you make that decision don't make important decisions when you're angry don't make judgments against other people when you're angry what did he say he said let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away deal with it along with all malice and be kind to one another tenderhearted forgiving each other just as god in christ jesus has forgiven you now god gives us lots of warnings let me just take you through a few uh uh verses in the um in the proverbs i'll take you through a minute just a few just to let you know that there are there are over 300 passages of scripture uh in the bible about um about anger and i just want to begin with one here in proverbs chapter 14. just want to take you through a few verses and i want you to notice the same word in some of these verses and i want you to tell me what it is all right proverbs 14 verse 29 listen to this he who is slow to anger has great understanding but he who is quick tempered exalts folly foolishness that is actions in conduct that are unwise that's what folly is all right turn if you will to the 15th chapter and uh look at you in the 18th verse a hot-tempered man stirs up strife but the slow to anger pacifies contention that is you know uh if you're slow to anger you you somehow you'll be able to deal with that 16th chapter and the 32nd verse he who is slow to anger is better than the mighty and he who rules his spirit than he who captures a city chapter 19 and verse 19. now watch this one he says a man of great anger shall bear the penalty for his anger for if you rescue him you'll only have to do it again and what is he saying he says you listen you can help people in all kinds of situations if their problem is anger and they don't deal with it he said he said you'll have to do it again because it requires a change of attitude not a change of circumstance not a change of location not a change of dress not a change of address but a change of attitude he says you just have to go right back and do it again now what word have you heard in most of these verses be what slow to anger don't react don't listen don't jump don't let something take you off don't live with an anger level that is so strong look if you're in the 22nd chapter for a moment 20 seconds chapter very important chapter listen to this 22nd chapter verse 24 do not associate with a man given to anger or go with a hot tempered man lest you learn his ways and find a snare for yourself he says listen don't don't become bosom friends of people who are angry he says because what will happen his ways will slot into your ways you'll pick up on the same attitude you may pick up on the same words his influence or her influence make may influence your thinking he says what will happen he says you learn you learn their ways and find the snare for yourself you find yourself snared caught trapped by the same thing well i want you to turn a few let's let's wait a minute let's go from proverbs to the next book which is ecclesiastes and look if you will in the seventh chapter listen to what he says now this this tells us what we are when we have lingering anger here's how god defines us verse nine of chapter seven of ecclesiastes that's proverbs ecclesiastes next book here's what he says do not be eager in your heart to be angry for anger resides in the bosom of what of a fool here's what he says if you and i allow anger to linger we become a foot we are fools to them why because of its destructive power to us as well as to other people that we may express it upon then go all the way over to the book of james in the new testament hebrews james and look if you will in this first chapter first chapter of james 19th and 20th verses listen to what he says he says this you know my beloved brethren but let everyone be quick to hear slow to speak slow to anger that is if i'm quick to hear if i first of all made you on listening carefully what's happening slow to speak having heard first then i will be slow to anger for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of god that is i cannot listen i cannot be right with god and live in lingering anger does that mean i can be right with god and have moments of anger yes what am i supposed to do i'm to deal with them when i'm to deal before the sun sets i should deal with it right then and i want to give you some suggestions that will be helpful but i'm to deal with it anger in itself is not a sin rage rage and underlying sin that goes on and on and on a period of time that is a sin momentary hurts and pains we have to deal with he says he says be angry and send not check yourself he said be s it is quick to hear slow to speak and slow to anger and that that one little sentence right there ought to be a good word for all of us he says quick to hear listen carefully now what do they really say what do they really mean what does this mean how am i to interpret this and then speak and then he says slow to anger even after i've evaluated all now so what we have to ask is this being true how are you and i to deal with this anger that we have how are we to handle it well most people handle it by we said repressing it suppressing it uh by letting it linger in their life by explosions or they will deal with it in the proper fashion so what i'd like to do is to think in terms about how are we to deal with this anger so i want you to listen carefully now because no matter how angry you are whether you angered yourself or at god or someone or some circumstance you see the first thing you have to do to deal with anger is to own it yes i am angry now there are a lot of people who will go through their life and they will never be willing to admit that don't tell me i'm angry because i'm not angry and this is really what happens sometimes when you say to somebody well i think you're i am not angry well if you're not why do you express it even to defend yourself because you are so first of all you own it yes i am anger i'm angered about this i'm angry about that i've been angry about this over here i own it first of all maybe something back on your past years and years ago something that you thought someone did to you they may not have even done it something you thought they said when it was somebody else it's amazing how people project on people things that absolutely never happened so first of all we own it secondly we identify what it is we identify what's there we identify where it came from so i don't know how to do that well then my friend you need you need some help to help you talk it out with somebody say this is how i feel i don't know why i feel this way and one of the most exciting things to me and i don't get into the counseling because i don't have time to do that but i can tell you one of the most exciting things to me is to sit down with somebody who is angry or whatever the problem and take that first little just that little tip into the iceberg and say now look let's find out how big this is let's find out where this goes you know what if if somebody will be open and honest with even if they want you can find out what the real source of their anger or bitterness or hostility is because it's there the spirit of god will show you another thing i would simply say is not only to identify it and to own it what the source of it is but deal with it quickly that's what he says he says in this particular passage he says be angry and yet do not do not sin do not let the sun go down on your anger do not give the devil opportunity why did he say don't give the devil an opportunity because the devil listen if it lingers here's what the devil's doing all the time you are justified in your anger listen they deserve it god understands he knows all about this is what they that's not right you know what happens satan will take your lingering anger he will build you the most awesome defense and you can stand look at anybody in the face you said i'll tell you why i'm anger he did this or she did that or they did this to me and on and on you go and you can defend yourself and what you have to ask is who was your defensive who was your defending attorney satan doesn't work you see defending it doesn't work a fourth thing and probably the most difficult thing is this i have to forgive whoever hurt me no matter what because forgiveness is absolutely the most important aspect of dealing with anger anger and unforgiveness are traveling companions they just match together i have anger towards you because of what you've done i cannot forgive you oh i can forgive you but i can't forget that's not forgiveness i can forgive you but um when you put a butt behind it you haven't forgiven anybody forgiveness is absolutely essential listen to what he says he says pull away put away all these things let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you along with all malice unless you have been wrong that's not what it says unless they deserve it no he says put it away and then only put it what he says and be kind to one another tender hearted tenderhearted listen forgiving one another even just like god has forgiven you now let's ask ourselves the question how has he forgiven us all of us would admit all of us would confess all of us are acknowledged we have sinned against god many many times and we have committed all kinds of sin doesn't mean that everybody's committed the same thing but we've committed all kinds of sin how many of you could have to say i asked god to forgive me and he said nothing do it no way am i going to forgive you he's never said that god's never rejected us we've come to ask for forgiveness the truth is every single child of god lives under the canopy walks on the road is surrounded by covered by the grace of god which provides forgiveness for us moment by moment day by day if i don't ask him to forgive me i just i just lose my fellowship with him but i am a forgiven child of god because when you and i came to christ and we asked him to forgive us of our sins when he went to the cross he paid our sin debt and full past present future he knew that you and i were going to sin against him and listen his blood is taken care of that that does not mean i'm not confess it does not mean i'm not the repent of it i am indeed that is absolutely essential to my fellowship with him so therefore here's what i have to ask do i have any justification whatsoever for being unforgiving toward anyone no matter what they've done to me now i'll tell you how this most impressed me personally i was studying about forgiveness one day and i don't remember exactly what the message was but it was in a series on forgiveness and for the first time in my life i saw something now maybe you'd already seen it before i certainly hope you have but i was thinking about forgiveness and thinking about this way how can i be unforgiving towards someone well now watch this when god has already forgiven me and secondly if they're another christian that's not a christian he's already forgiven them if he has forgiven them how can i not forgive them it absolutely set me free how can i hold something against someone when god doesn't if someone is not a christian it is vengeance is mine says the lord i will repay says the lord you know what why should i why should i be angry and let this poison seep into my life and destroy me when god says leave them to me i'll take care of them if it's if it's an unsaved person if it's somebody who's doing wicked and they're ungodly god says i'll have don't you try to handle it let me handle that don't let sin creep into your life and linger and destroy and poison your whole system cheating you out of out of the understanding of love and the expressions of contentment and joy and peace and happiness in your life don't allow yourself to be cheated out of all that because of what they i i will deal with them you see the truth is you and i can't justify an unforgiving spirit and therefore if i'm going to be forgiving i've got to deal with my anger you cannot be angry and resentful and hostile and bitter and same time be forgiving they just don't work so if i want if i'm going to be forgiving i've got to deal with my anger i've got to acknowledge what it is what is this sort you say well i've acknowledged what it is i've acknowledged the source and they are the source and they are the reason they are the cause or this hurt or this pain or the suffering of this loss it's their fault and you know what you and god can both say right but what is your responsibility one thing forgiveness you have to lay it down you have to say lord thank you for your forgiveness toward me thank you that you loved me enough that you forgave me of all my sin and god you know i'm going to be i'm weak and i'm afraid i'm going to sin again and you and your forgiveness is there how can i hold an unforgiving spirit towards someone else no matter what they've done when my heavenly father's forgiveness is abundant overflowing adequate sufficient saving and eternal cannot justify it if you're going to deal with anger you've got to be forgiving another thing i would simply say is this and that is learn to identify watch this now learn to identify those things that frequently take you off cause you to be angry it may be something that happens real often it may be something that happens once a month it may be something that happens on your job very often you sort of know it's coming or it's just one of those areas of your life that's one area become sensitive to remember what he said quick to hear slow to speak slow to anger so what do we do we ask the holy spirit you see here's one of our assets we have the holy spirit on the inside of us he says the fruit of the spirit is self-control we have the power on the inside of us in the person of the holy spirit to enable you and me no matter what we face to respond in a godly fashion i may hurt i may feel the pain i may get angry for the moment but to recognize father enable me to respond to this in the in the proper fashion don't let me respond god in an ungodly fashion we have him to enable us to strengthen us to help us through these difficult times no matter what may be going on no matter what we may feel now if i develop that kind of alertness that what's going on then i'm going to be able to handle those things that would cause me to be angry now let me ask a question you've never you've never trusted jesus as your savior you may be angry at god angry at the church anger at some pastor angered some of the christian your employer your friends your enemies whoever it might be let me ask you a question think about this for a moment let's suppose that you're angry at somebody who doesn't even know that you're angry toward them they've never done anything you just think they have do you see how foolish it is for you to be hurting and the suffering and the poison of anger and bitterness to be flowing through your whole system affecting your whole body physiologically as well as emotionally mentally spiritually they don't even know it they're totally immune to the whole idea and here you are suffering over something that's a misunderstanding it's not worth it it's not worth it when you can lay down he says he says put it aside if anger could not be put aside the apostle paul would never have said lay it down put it aside what does he mean face it identify it bring it before god confess it repent repent of it before him forgive the person that wronged you if it's a circumstance that you can't put a person's name on then tell god you acknowledge that he's in control that he allowed that for some reason in your life and whatever it is you accept his reason though you may never understand you just want to be right with him and you know what happened you'll be free you'll sense a joy and a peace and happiness and a tranquility and a contentment in your life that you can't explain and you know what happens it'll make it very difficult for somebody to make you angry you say well do you ever get angry yes i do but friend i make it very brief because i don't want any poison to flow through my system any longer than it takes me to talk to god about it and to deal with it he has given every single believer the capacity to deal with anger instantly when it hits us and listen carefully that is not to say that there will not be tragedies that are so awesome in our thinking that clouds our mind for a season of time until we can begin to think properly but i do believe that no matter how deep it may be and how hurt the painful it may be the capacity to get our focus upon our lord and not upon somebody else is listen it's not only possible it is the way god intends for us to deal with anger i plead with you in jesus name do not let it linger any longer don't let it seethe and just slip out and passively aggressively continually express it upon people that you may get by with it as far as they're concerned but not with god and most of all not with your own body in your own life god offers a gift of peace contentment and joy but on to those who willing to come to him and ask for it and accept it and father how grateful we are for your wonderful love for us deliver every single one of us from any anger bitterness hostility resentment give us the courage to face whatever circumstance or whoever to ask to make things right in order that your holy spirit can rule and reign in our hearts and the wonderful joy and peace and contentment and happiness that you have for us we can enjoy every day grant them the courage to do just what you said before the sun sets today that there be peace where there has been pain in jesus name amen god has given every believer the key to freedom from anger that key is forgiveness learn more about being free from anger in charles stanley's book the gift of forgiveness which is also available in a large print edition if you would like to study more about forgiveness this guide is also available experiencing forgiveness by charles stanley is a 10-week course for groups or individuals today's message the danger of anger is available on audiocassette and vhs videotape place your credit card order by dialing toll-free 1-800-323 or mail your request and payment to in touch box 7900 atlanta georgia 303-57 when you write please include your return address and the call letters of this station when you contact us ask for a free subscription to the intouch magazine the grace of god and your prayers and gifts enable our continued outreach on this station touching the world with a passion for god and compassion for people the teaching of charles stanley is a presentation of in touch ministries atlanta georgia

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Length: 56min 59sec (3419 seconds)

Published: Fri Nov 20 2020